Being Present for Friends in Pain | A Bit of Optimism #Podcast

We have this misperception that when people around us are in pain, we need to fix them. People literally think that their job is to pull me out of the grief. Like, come on, we're just going to go out and get drunk and, you know, hang out and talk about other things. Our job is not to fix it. Our job is to be present to the grief and be present to the pain.

When you are in pain, it is the equivalent of sitting in mud. It is not fun. It is dirty. I would like to get out, but I don't know how to get out. Service isn't, as you said, pulling me out of the mud. Service is the willingness to get in mud with someone. And trust me, when you sit in pain with someone, I don't want to get in the mud with you. That is no fun for me. Why would I want to do that? But I choose to do it because I love you and I will get in mud with you. And the only time we will get out of the mud is when you say, I think I'm ready to get out now.

Yeah.

But until that moment, my job is to do nothing but sit in mud with you.