A first-person monologue from a podcast episode where the speaker describes a crisis after deciding to stop climbing. They recount emotional reactions (crying, depression), losing external anchors (photographer, climber, National Geographic associations), and a process of asking deep questions about identity, values, and agency that leads toward a calmer, integrity-driven adaptation.
Chapters
I walked into the cook tent, and I was like, I'm. I'm done. And they're like, what do you mean you're done? And I was like, I'm done. And they're like, with the expedition? No, I'm. I'm, like, done climbing. And they're, you know, kind of jaws dropped. I'm crying, sobbing at the time. They're like, what are you gonna do? And I was so depressed at the time. I had built this identity as a photographer and as a climber, and National Geographic this, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Um, and now none of those things existed. And there was this stark reality of who am I as a human being if I don't have these anchors and my value can no longer be tied to an external expression? What does that mean for my humanity? What are the stories that I'm telling? Where is my certainty in this? And are those certainties true? As soon as I started asking those questions and being willing to write them out despite all the discomfort, I started discovering that there was a deeper truth to all of this. That allowed me to take more and more and more agency, which allowed me to expand the discomfort, which allowed me to be more curious. And I don't know what the adaptation is, but I know that if I stick to my values, I stay in my integrity. I know that what's on the other side of this is.
