Giving What You Have with Mark Bustos | A Bit of Optimism with Simon Sinek: Episode 50

For all the shit that I give social media, I am fully aware that there are plenty of good things that come out of it as well. One of those things is Mark Bustos. Mark is a hairstylist. He gives fancy haircuts to fancy people. But there's something he also does on the weekends. He roams the streets of New York, gives free haircuts to the homeless. It restores their self confidence, it gives them a sense of dignity, it makes them feel really good. And the remarkable thing is what it's done to Mark. This is a bit of optimism.

Mark, I can't tell you how excited I've been to meet you. I first learned about you on the Instagram. I saw a posting of you giving a haircut to someone who was homeless. You showed the before and after pictures and, and you said how this simple act just lifted their confidence and did remarkable things for them. And I was completely struck by that. You know, I'm, I'm a sucker for people who do things for others. I'm a sucker for those in service. And as soon as I saw that, I, you know, I called our producer and said, please can you reach out to Mark, I really want to meet him. So how did it start? I mean, you are, you're a hairdresser and you've been doing this for years and you do sort of high end fancy stuff, which is wonderful. How did you start helping those less fortunate restore dignity?

I started doing hair when I was 14 years old out of my parents garage, giving all my friends terrible haircuts. I'm a little bit better today. But you know, back then all I wanted to do was become successful, whatever that meant to me. Back when I was 14 years old, you know, fast forward many years, I just wanted to kind of continue to work my way up in the hair industry. And I got to this point where I was able to work at one of the top salons in New York City. And this is probably 15 years into my career at that point, or 14 years into my career at that point. And I got to that point, I started charging top dollar for a haircut. And I realized that if this is success, I still don't feel it. When am I going to become successful? And it wasn't actually until I stopped looking for success is when I found was just a trip to the Philippines. Visiting family. Philippines, like many other developing third world countries, is eye opening. I went out there, I had all my tools with me and when you see certain things, you want to do something about it. And there's no real questions asked after that. So I basically rented a chair in a barbershop. Like a garage door that opens up 100 degrees, 100% humidity. Four barbers just slaying away given 50 cent haircuts was what they were given. So I rented a chair in the barbershop, and I invited all the homeless kids that I saw the streets to come in for free haircuts. Because this is what I was able to do. This is what I do best. Let me. Let me do what I do best and share it with people in need. And it wasn't until actually, it was the first boy that was sitting in my chair at that barbershop, and he had the same name as me, Mark Anthony. We both had the same name, and he was 12 years old at the time, really, really shy. Had his chin pinned to his chest the entire time. Didn't look up into the mirror once. And I gave him a really cool haircut. And somebody standing from outside on the road looking into the barbershop just yells out at the. The haircut yells out, now you look like you're from New York City. And the kid just, like, cracks, like, a really big smile. Like, still not even looking up in the mirror, but just cracks a huge smile. And from that moment on, I realized that, you know, I knew I was going to make them feel good with a nice haircut. But what I didn't realize was the feeling that it was going to give me. I then realized that, you know, I can do this anyway. This is so powerful. This is so special. What I do for a living is I found a new appreciation for it. So I went back home to New York City after that family vacation, and I packed up a backpack and just brought all my. My things, anything portable. You know, I had cordless clippers and scissors, anything I didn't have to plug in. And I went for a walk on the streets in New York City. And that's when it really started for me.

You say you had this thing, and it was obvious, but it's not obvious. There's a lot of people who cut hair who don't go on vacations and decide to give free haircuts to the kids on the street. What prompted that? Were you bored? Were you just sort of wandering around? Were you talking to people? Like, what was the impetus?

I think it was really just immersing myself in that environment and seeing, like, real, true perspective. You know, you see it on tv, but it's not the same as seeing it in real life. When I was like, 12 years old. I used to ask my parents if I can go out to the movies on a Friday night with my friends. And they would always say no, and I would never. And the food came out, and I was like, this is what I really do. Like, I'm. I happen to be a professional hairstylist, and I really want to give back, and I want to if. Because when you look good, you feel good. It sounds cliche, but it's true. I said, I have everything with me right now. You look like you need a haircut. You look like you can use one if you'd like one. Let's go around and to the park and cut your hair. He goes, okay, cool. Super nice guy. He only spoke when he was spoken to. Very respectful. But at the end of the haircut, I handed him a mirror to show him what he looked like. And he looked in the mirror and he said, do you know anyone that's hiring? I want to get a job. And I wasn't prepared for that. And I told him, I was like, oh, no, I don't. But I mean, you look amazing. If you go for a job interview, anywhere you go, I'm certain you'll find something. And the following Sunday after that, I asked everybody around because everybody knows each other on those streets over there, and nobody has even heard of his name before. And I even showed everybody photos like, do you know where he is? Nobody knew him, and he wasn't around. And to me, that was an amazing thing, that he was able to get back on his feet and maybe find himself a job. And for me, he's like an angel in disguise, because from that moment on that he said that he wanted to go get a job, it really pushed me to continue what I'm doing.

The thing that's great about when we give to others is it inspires others to give. You know, good acts beget good acts. Have there been other hairstylists that who have seen your work, maybe that you don't even know, that you know, that are now doing this around the country.

Or even, you know where he is? Nobody knew him, and he wasn't around. And to me, that was an amazing thing, that he was able to get back on his feet and maybe find himself a job. And for me, he's like an angel in disguise. Because from that moment on that he said that he wanted to go get a job. It really pushed me to continue what I'm doing.

The thing that's great about when we give to others is it inspires others to give you know, good acts beget good acts. Have there been other hairstylists that who have seen your work, maybe that you don't even know, that you know that are now doing this around the country or even around the world?

Absolutely, yeah. There's a guy in the UK that went viral. There's a guy in Australia that went viral. And each one, before they went viral, each one has reached out to me saying, thank you so much for the inspiration. And it's great because, you know, I get people saying, oh, you have this copycat here and a copycat there. I was like, that's the exact kind of copycat I want. I mean, that's the hope. I can't do this alone. Are you kidding me? And whether they give me credit or not, it's not about the credit. It's about doing good things and helping others and making the world a better place.

How do you define success? Now? You thought success was whether it was recognition or fame or money, whatever it was. And you got to the highest levels.

And people saying, oh, you have this copycat here and a copycat there. I was like, that's the exact kind of copycat I want. I mean, that's the hope. I can't do this alone. Are you kidding me? And whether they give me credit or not, it's not about the credit. It's about doing good things and helping others and making the world a better place.

How do you define success? Now? You thought success was whether it was recognition or fame or money, whatever it was, and you got to the highest levels in your industry and yet you said you didn't feel successful. But this has changed how you felt. You know, what's your new definition of success?

Success is measured by the amount of people that you're able to help and the amount of people that you're able to serve. But also my motto in life and how I found my success is in the saying, I'm either expensive or I'm free, but I'm never cheap.

It's a little bit of Robin Hood, right?

Yeah, exactly. I got to be able to take care of myself first before I take care of others. You know, I have two babies, I have a one year old and a five year old, and I got to take care of myself, you know, but at the same time, I'm going to take care of everyone el around me.

I think this is one of the misnomers about service, which is you can have both at the same time. You can take care of yourself and you can take care of others. It's not martyrdom and nor is it selfishness. There's no guilt that needs to be associated with taking care of yourself and your own children, obviously, but not necessarily at the expense of service. It's not one or it's one end.

Exactly.

How has it changed you as a dad? I'm so curious, like how are you instilling this idea in in your kids?

My five year old when she turned one and also when my one year old just turned one, I did the same thing for both of them for their first birthday. It's something that they won't ever remember personally, but it'll be something that they'll be able to look back on your.

Industry and yet you said you didn't feel successful. But this has changed how you felt.

And see photos and know the story behind. But rather than throwing them a big first birthday party here, since they won't remember it anyway, I sent money back home to the Philippines.

What's your new definition of success?

Success is measured by the amount of people that you're able to help and the amount of people that you're able to serve. But also my motto in life and how I found my success is in the saying I'm e expensive or I'm free, but I'm never cheap. A little bit of where my family's from and you know, five minutes down the road there's a cemetery where a lot of kids live in the cemetery, living in squatter homes and tarps over the graves, the tombstones and all that kind of stuff. And sent money back there to bring all the kids to the local restaurant called Jollibee. And Jollibee is like a super famous fast food restaurant in the Philippines. So through a big first birthday party there for a couple hundred kids, for my kids, the amount of money I would have spent here on like 15 or 20 people, I was able to feed 300 people back home.

I'm just so inspired how you're not doing anything innovative. And what I mean by that is you haven't found something new. You're doing the same thing for different people even with the first birthday party. It's the same thing which I love, which is I'm going to spend X amount of dollars on a Robin Hood, right?

Yeah, exactly. I got to be able to take care of myself first before I take care of others. You know, I have two babies, I have a one year old and a five year old and I got to take care of myself, you know. But at the same time I'm going to Take care of everyone else around.

I think this is one of the misnomers about service, which is your kid's first birthday. Except I'm going to do it for 200 people and give it back. You can have both at the same time. You can take care of yourself and you can take care of others. It's not martyrdom and nor is it selfishness. There's no guilt that you. It's the same thing. You didn't go and look for something, you did the same thing you would have done. You just did it for someone else. And I think that's so simple and so profound.

Yeah. Thank you. I mean, like, yeah, I mean, I want to be able to help all these kids where. In the cemetery where I leave my heart every single time I leave there. And at the same time I want to instill something special with my kids.

You know, is there someone that you cut hair for free that stands out amongst the others?

I mean, there's so many stories. I mean, if you, if you pop up a photo of something of a haircut that I've done on the streets, I'll be able to tell you the exact story. Like. Like you were just yesterday. I'd have to say one that stood out is when I was. I was walking the streets of the Bowery and I went around to the corner and there was this. There's this older man sitting on a park bench and he had a plastic bag on the floor next to him. And I approached him and his name was Graham and he was from the island of Dominic. First I asked him if he wanted a haircut, so he said yes. While I was cutting his hair. He's telling me a bit about a story and he doesn't really have much family here in the States or in New York City at all. And he worked in construction for about 35 to 40 years and he ended up having diabetes and he went blind and he didn't have any help, he didn't have a support system and used.

To be associated with taking care of yourself and your own children, obviously, but.

In that plastic bag that was sitting next to him were fruits and vegetables. I share the story because it's just.

A story that not necessarily at the expense of service. It's not one or it's one end.

Exactly.

How has it changed you as a dad? I'm so curious. How are you instilling this idea in your kids?

My five year old when she turned one and also when my one year old just turned one, I did the same thing for Both of them. It makes me grateful for everything that I have. One and two, that homelessness can happen to anybody, anybody. Many times we may judge people living on the streets as having been an alcoholic or a drug addict or any of those things. And yeah, there are alcoholics and drug addicts out on the streets, but there are also alcoholics and drug addicts that have homes. You don't have to be homeless to.

Have all that.

Changing tax on you. How does a 14 year old discover that they want to cut hair?

Most want to play video games or sports.

To be honest, when I was 14, I saw all my other friends getting jobs at the bowling alley or cleaning up the movie theaters, and I couldn't get a job anywhere. When I was 14, I looked like I was 8 and nobody wanted to hire an 8 year old. And that's really the truth of why or how I started cutting hair out of my garage, because I gotta figure this out. So I started doing it for free, messing everyone's hair up and charging like two bucks for a haircut, and then graduated to giving haircuts for chicken parm sandwiches. And now I'm here.

But you found a passion in that. Do you remember when it went from being, you know, a means to an end? It was a.

It was a solution for their first birthday. It's something that they won't ever remember personally, but it'll be something that they'll be able to look back on and see photos and know the story behind. But rather than throwing them a big first birthday party here.

But at some point you went, no, I actually want to do this.

Something really cool that I learned through doing that. Since they won't remember it anyway, I sent money back home to the Philippines, where my family's from. And you know, five minutes down the road there's a cemetery where a lot of kids live in the cemetery. Living in such a young age is that I was able to bring people together in a positive way. You would never see, like the band leader, like hanging out with the captain of the football team. They wouldn't even make eye contact with each other in the high school hallways. But now you're in my garage getting your haircut, interacting and having a good time. And to be quite honest, if anybody argued, I wouldn't cut their hair because if anyone argued, then my mom would get mad. If my mom got mad and I'm in trouble and then everybody's in trouble and nobody's getting a haircut. So it was a cool way to just bring people together.

What's next. Like do you take people from your salon out or is it just something you do?

This is something that I do. It's my way of being an example to show everybody. It's great to be part of an organization or a team or a church or anything along those squatter homes and tarps over the graves, the tombstones and all that kind of stuff. And sent money back there to bring all the kids to the local restaurant called Jollibee. And Jollibee is like a super lines but at the end of the day, if you want to do something, just go do it yourself.

Learning so much from you, which I, you know, the idea that you give whatever it is to give. Spending money that you're going to spend anyway, spend it differently. Or a talent or a skill that you have, just give that exact same talent or skill to someone else. But also the idea of fortunate and less fortunate. You refer to those who are struggling as less fortunate. And I love this idea that you consider fortune and less fortunate and more fortunate is part of the equation.

Famous fast food restaurant in the Philippines. So through a big first birthday party there for a couple hundred kids, for my kids, the amount of money I would have spent here on like 15 or 20 people, I was able to feed 300 people.

I guess it helps manage judgment, doesn't it?

Absolutely. You know, I call myself fortunate, but I wouldn't necessarily call myself financially rich. I'm definitely rich in life with all other things, but not financially rich. I've always found myself to fall somewhere in the middle. I'm a middle child of three that grew up in a middle class family. My friends and my clients are from homeless to billionaires and literally everything in between. And I find myself on city streets and I find myself in multimillion dollar penthouses. But at the end of the day, here I am in my apartment, sitting in the middle, just trying to be that strong link that's uniting both ends of the chain.

You have a salon in New Jersey called the Silver Vine Room. And you have a salon in New York City called My Darling Ivy. What's with all the vines? How'd you get those names?

Yeah, so actually the first salon I opened is called the Silver Vine Room in Summer New Jersey. And it happened to be the name of a plant. Silver vine is like a plant used for catnip. But I didn't name it that because of that, but the reason I named it it as because one of my partners came up with the people back home.

I'm just so inspired. How you're not doing anything innovative. And what I mean by that is you haven't found something new. You're doing the same thing for different vine.

I came up with silver, and I always liked the word silver because just.

Like in people, even with the first birthday party, it's the same thing, which I love, which is I'm going to spend X amount of dollars on a kid's first birthday, except I'm going to do it for 200 people and give it back.

The Olympics. First, second, and third place. Silver means you're in second place. And I always say that I like being in second place and not first. People think I'm crazy when I say that. But when you're in second place, you're always going to have someone to look up to and be inspired by. And vines grow uncontrollably when you take care of them. So the Silver Vine Room is just a place for growth.

There's that middle again. You prefer to be silver rather than gold because you always have somewhere to go or somewhere to grow to. And grow uncontrollably.

Exactly. And if you feel like you're the best in any particular situation, it's time to move on. You gotta go somewhere and you gotta be surrounded by people that are always smarter and better and better looking than you.

Yes, there's nothing to learn when you're at the top, but if you're in the middle, you always have somewhere to go. It's an amazing lesson to learn to give what you have to somebody else. But this, this is profound. When did you figure that out? That it's better to be in the middle than at the top?

It was actually when I was like an assistant at a hair salon, one of the first hair salons. I.

It's the same thing. You didn't go and look for something. You did the same thing you would have done. You just did it for someone else. And I think that's so simple and so profound.

Yeah. Thank you. I mean, like, yeah, I actually worked out as a professional with a license. I was an assistant. And, you know, there was no more room for growth for me over there because that was the best. I mean, I want to be able to help. All these kids were in the cemetery where I leave my heart every single time I leave there. And at the same time, I want to instill something special with my kids. You know, assistant at the time. And like, I was now just kind of leading all the other assistants, but the salon owners wouldn't give me a chair and wouldn't promote me to having a chair. So I was like, all right, screw this, I got to go. They're not going to let me grow into being a stylist here. I'm already the best assistant. It's time to move on. So I moved on to be the worst stylist at a new salon.

Yeah, you and I have very similar career paths. I started out my career and I'd learn a lot and gain a lot and then it would get boring because I like got good at something and then I'd quit and go do something where I was the worst person there. And then I got good at it and I got bored and I'd quit and go do something else. And I remember I had a job where I. Things were going really well and I quit and none of my colleagues and, you know, my boss could understand why. Why would he quit? And they told me about a conversation they were like having about me after I'd left, like my old company. And they were like, why would he leave? Like, he's doing really well here. He, you know, he runs his own accounts. Like, why would he go leave to work at a second rate place on a crappy account where it's not even guaranteed to work? And they went, oh, yeah.

The thing that propels people to do well in the first place is there someone that you cut hair for free that stands out amongst the others?

I mean, there's so many stories. I mean, if you pop up a photo of something of a haircut that I've done on the streets, I'll be able to tell you the exact story. Like, like you were just yesterday. I'd have to say one that stood out is when I was, I was walking the streets of the Battery and I went around to the corner and there was this, there's this older man sitting on a park bench and he had a platform.

Is the fact that they're not at the top.

And you know, when you are at the top and you, you do have that gold medal and you're in first place, you have nothing but people chasing you.

It's the difference between offense and defense. Right? When you're, when you're at the top, when you're the gold medalist for the rest of your life, you're playing defense. People who want to knock you off your pedestal where when you're the silver medalist your entire life, you play off.

And you're way more creative playing offense than you are playing defense.

That's right.

Such a joy. Mark, I'm so glad I got to meet you. I'm so glad we reached out. You're an absolute inspiration for the people who you meet, but also for people who you don't meet. There are people out there who are following you and learning from you and, and you don't even know who they are. And it's, you know, it's. It's good that we have people on the, on the planet like you.

I really appreciate that. And obviously, same goes, Same goes to you.

Thank you.

If you enjoyed this podcast and would like to hear more, please subscribe wherever you like to listen to podcasts. Until then, take care of yourself. Take care of each other.

Plastic bag on the floor next to him. And I approached him and his name was Graham and he was from the island of Dominica. First, I asked him if he wanted a haircut, so he said yes while I was cutting his hair. He's telling me a bit about a story, and he doesn't really have much family here in the States or in New York City at all. And he worked in construction for about 35 to 40 years, and he ended up having diabetes and he went blind and he didn't have any help. He didn't have a support system. And in that plastic bag that was sitting next to him were fruits and vegetables. I share this story because it's just a story that makes me grateful for everything that I have. One and two, that homelessness can happen to anybody. Anybody. Many times we may judge people living on the streets as having been an alcoholic or a drug addict or any of those things. And, you know, yeah, like, there are alcoholics and drug addicts out on the streets, but there are also alcoholics and drugs.