How To Actively Listen (Even During Uncomfortable Conversations)

Well, there's plenty of curriculum available, but it's usually in different departments. Go to the social work department. You know, go, go, go, go, go. Look at parenting education. There's tons of curriculum available, but we don't put it in, in the business school. And we need to.

A course on active listening, for example. You know, we are terrible listeners. We're good at screaming and yelling and we're terrible at listening. The mere fact that there's even, you know, it's even a thing, it's even a meme about how to get through Thanksgiving because of your uncle who has, you know, opposite political views at you. And the best advice we get is don't bring up politics at the Thanksgiving table. That's nonsense. How about learn to have an uncomfortable conversation and learn to listen and understand someone's point of view when you vehemently disagree with them. And sitting down trying to convince them is not listening. Trying to understand and have empathy is listening. And when two people with opposing points of view can find common ground, that's where growth happens. And I'll give you a real life example from, you know, in my life, I have a friend, she is from rural Tennessee. And.

We discovered over the course of our friendship just how divergent our political views and views on how the world works are to the, you know, some of. She buys into some, you know, conspiracy theories.

And she and I went for a walk once and we were talking about something and I definitely thought, and I may have even said, how can you be so stupid? And she stopped in her tracks and said, you just called your friends stupid. And I realized, what have I done? I'm literally closing off any opportunity for constructive conversation here because I judged and accused. Even if I think whatever theory she's buying into is not grounded in fact, I attacked her.

And so I had to learn to take a step back and embrace empathy. And instead of trying to convince her that she was wrong or point out the facts that dispute her beliefs, I instead went on a journey of learning to listen, understand how she came to believe in the things she believes. And during COVID we had many conversations that were diametrically opposed. And instead of attacking each other or trying to convince each other, we got really good at saying, tell me more about that. You know, where does that come from? Themselves to learning all the skills necessary to navigate those complications, and in so doing, building trust from their team that gives them permission to even make mistakes.