Simon Sinek argues that framing politics as right versus wrong misses the point. He calls out his own hypocrisy after telling a politically different friend he was stupid, then learned to ask questions instead. Common ground exists when you look for shared values, not when you pick a side.
Chapters
I try and read news from both sides of the political aisle not to find the one I agree with, but I want to understand how it's being reported. I want to know the different narratives that are being told so that I can understand those narratives, so I can speak to those narratives. I can learn those narratives and find hypocrisy in both sides. By the way, I think that the one mistake that we all fall into is to decide that the ones that I agree with are right and the ones that I disagree with are wrong. And this binary notion of right versus wrong is what's gotten us into this mess in the first place. Life is not so black and white in no respect. It's nuanced and gray and complicated and messy. And to understand that we are hypocrites in our own opinions and so is the other side, and simply pointing out the hypocrisy of the other side is of no help whatsoever. What's more important is to point out our own hypocrisy and to try and understand that, like I said, it's a worthy rivalry thing, right? It's not trying to dominate or be right, but it's rather trying to improve and to grow. And so one of the things that I default to are values.
I'm very proud of the fact that some of my friendships are with people who have very, very, very different political points of view, who we voted very, very differently in political elections. And we can go to blows talking about some of the things that the government is deciding whether we agree or disagree with it. But at the end of the day, their values are like mine. And we believe in taking care of each other, and we believe in looking out for each other. And at the end of the day, more than their politics, they are my friend. And I learned this lesson the hard way where I was going for a walk with a friend who has very different political views than me. And she said something, and I definitely thought it, and I fear I may have said it. How can you be so stupid? And I realized I just called my friend stupid. And she completely got angry at me. Not because I disagreed with her, it's because I judged her and insulted her. And you know What? She was 100% right. And what I had to learn in that moment was to listen, was to replace my judgment with curiosity and to understand where her point of view comes from. And that the more curious I became to understand that there were actually things that we did agree upon. And though we may not have agreed upon everything, we actually could find common ground. And that common ground always boiled down to our values. And the more that I got good at listening to her, she actually became much more open to listening to me. And so, as opposed to me hammering my opinion at her, we started to have conversations. And so I think when you go to a values level, politics becomes secondary. But when we let go of our values, then all we have is the politics, which is upsetting.
