Simon Sinek's Friends Exercise asks a close friend why you're friends, then what specific traits make you irreplaceable to them. When they describe the feeling of being around you, that emotional reaction reveals your core purpose. Repeat with multiple friends to find the themes that define your why.
Chapters
My hope is that everyone goes through it. It is a profound, rewarding, and inspiring experience to find out who you are, to find out what your why is. And I have been operating at a higher sense of purpose since my why discovery. I can tell you a fun way to do it. It's called the Friends Exercise. Find a friend you love and who loves you. Um, the kind of friend who, if you called them at 3 o'clock in the morning, you know they'd be there for you and you would be there for them. Do not do this with a spouse. Do not do this with a sibling. Do not do this with a parent. Those relationships are too close. Do it with a best friend and simply ask them this question: Why are we friends? And they're going to look at you like you're crazy, because the part of the brain that controls language doesn't control feelings, right? Which is why it's hard to put our feelings into, into words. And so they will struggle. It's not because they don't know, it's just that the words are not available. And they'll hem and they'll haw. And then weirdly, you actually stop asking the question why, you start asking the question what. You say, "Come on, what specifically is it about me that I know you would be there for me no matter what?" And they'll start describing you. They'll start saying things like, "Well, I trust you, and I like you, and you're funny." You have to play devil's advocate. That's just the definition of a friend. You have that with lots of people. What specifically is it about me that I know you'd be there for me no matter what? Eventually they'll give up and the friendship will end. Eventually they'll give up and they'll stop trying to describe you and they'll start describing themselves. And what my friend said to me is, Simon, I don't know. All I know is that I can sit in a room with you. I don't even have to talk to you and I feel inspired. And I got goosebumps. In fact, I'm getting them right now because what they told me was the value I have in their life. And the value I have in their life is the thing that I give to the world. I did this with multiple friends. They said very similar, if not the exact same things, because that is my value to them in their lives. It's not something that everybody wants, which is why we're not friends with everybody. And so if you do this with your friends, you will come very close. And like I said, you want to get to the point where they describe themselves and you're the one that has the weird emotional reaction. You'll have goosebumps, you'll well up with tears, whatever it is. It's a fun exercise.
