Simon Sinek Explains the "Friends Exercise"

I can teach you a fun way.

To find your why right now for you individually.

Called a friend's exercise. Think of a friend you love and who loves you. Somebody who you would be there for them at 3 o' clock in the morning.

You know that if you called them at 3 o' clock in the morning.

They would take your call, right?

Do not do this with a spouse. Do not do this with a parent.

Do not do this with a sibling. Those relationships are too close. Do this with a best friend, okay? And ask them the simple question, why are we friends? And they're going to look at you like you're insane.

Because the part of the brain that controls our feelings, that love, loyalty, trust, doesn't control language, which is why we struggle to put our feelings into words. And so you stop asking the question, why? Because why elicits emotional responses and you want rational responses. It's like you ask your kids, why are you home late? You'll get a very different answer.

Showed up, dad.

You'll, you know. But if you say, what were you doing that you're homely, you'll get an answer. So the minute they say you're insane.

Why are you asking me this? I don't know.

You start asking, what? Come on, come on, come on. What specifically is it about me that I know that you would be there for me no matter what.

And they'll start describing you.

I don't know.

You're always there for me. I trust you.

You're good to me. And you play devil's advocate.

That's just the definition of a friend. What specifically is it about me that.

I know you'd be there for me no matter what.

And they'll go through this a few times. That's the difference. You have that from many people. What specifically is about it? They're going to hate you. It's going to hurt sometimes. Don't help them. Don't let anybody help them. And eventually they will give up and.

They will start describing themselves. And this is what my friend said to me. They said, I don't know, Simon.

All I know is I don't even.

Have to talk to you. I can just sit in a room with you and I feel inspired. And I got goosebumps. In fact, I'm getting them right now.

What they will do is they will put into words the value you have.

In their life and you will have an emotional response. You will either well up with tears or you will get goosebumps. And that's how you know you found your why. Because it's deep, deep, deep seated inside. Who you are. And who you are is the value you have in the world. And if you do it with multiple friends, which I did, you will get very similar, if not the exact same thing. Because the thing you give to the people who love you is the value that you have in their lives, which is your why. So give that a try.