Simon Sinek and Vanessa Van Edwards argue that "just be yourself" fails when you don't like yourself. They propose starting small: practice authenticity in safe situations, notice when you feel good, and build micro-social skills that create confidence.
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If you tell someone to be themselves and they don't like themselves, it's cruel. And this was me for a long time.
It seems like it should be really, really simple to quote unquote just be yourself. No, it is a very complex, messy, awkward, changing thing. Yes. And this is why I love your prescription, which is do it small, and do it in safe places and learn what it feels like, and then you'll get good at it.
Right. I also think the advice of like, just be yourself or be authentic.
It's annoying advice. It's true. It's just not helpful.
I'm gonna take it one step further. How can you be yourself if you don't like yourself? And so yes, I think that there's a very fine line between being likable and being authentic, and the line is manipulation, right? Like, it's easy to tip. Most of my students are very smart and very talented, but there's a part of themselves that doesn't like themselves.
By the way, that's everyone.
To different measures, it's everyone, right? So if I can say, when is a moment in conversation at work or with your friends where you feel really good about yourself? That's what we're looking for is like you feel really good about yourself. And yes, that's a little bit selfish, but that also is going to trigger more confidence. It's going to trigger more flow. And so these micro social skills, these micro strengths are actually just a way for me to say, There are parts of yourself that you can like, and that's what we should be highlighting.
