Simon Sinek describes the "Friends Exercise": ask a close friend why you're friends and push past generic answers until they name your specific qualities. When they hit on what makes you indispensable, they often get goosebumps or tears. Repeat with multiple friends and you'll hear the same core value reflected back.
Chapters
You know, going through the process of a why discovery. Some people do, young people do it, middle age, some people do it at the end. I mean, like, my hope is that everyone goes through it. I can tell you from personal experience, it is a profound, rewarding and inspiring experience to find out who you are, to find out what your why is. And you live your best life. And you live your best life. And I have been operating at a higher sense of purpose since my Y discovery. Now, I can tell you a fun way to do it. There's many ways to do it. I've written about it. We help people find it. But I can tell you a fun way to do it. It's called the Friends Exercise. Find a friend you love and who loves you. The kind of friend who, if you called them at 3 o' clock in the morning, you know they'd be there for you and you would be there for them. Do not do this with a spouse. Do not do this with a sibling. Do not do this with a parent. Those relationships are too close. Do it with a best friend. And simply ask them this question, why are we friends? And they're going to look at you like you're crazy. Because the part of the brain that controls language doesn't control feelings. Which is why it's hard to put our feelings into words. And so they will struggle. It's not because they don't know, it's just that the words are not available and they'll hem and they'll haul. And then, weirdly, you actually stop asking the question why? You start asking the question what you say, come on, what specifically is it about me? That I know you would be there for me no matter what. And they'll start describing you. They'll start saying things like, well, I trust you and I like you and you're funny. You have to play devil's advocate. That's just the definition of a friend. You have that with lots of people. What specifically is about me? That I know you'd be there for me no matter what. Don't let anybody help them. It's going to be torturous and eventually they'll give up. Eventually they'll give up and the friendship will end. No to find someone else. Exactly. Eventually they'll give up and they'll stop trying to describe you and they'll start describing themselves. And what my friend said to me is, simon, I don't know. All I know is that I can sit in a room with you, I don't even have to talk to you. And I feel inspired, and I got goosebumps. In fact, I'm getting them right now because what they told me was the value I have in their life, and the value I have in their life is the thing that I give to the world. I did this with multiple friends. They said very similar, if not the exact same things, because that is my value to them in their lives. It's not something that everybody wants, which is why we're not friends with everybody. And so if you do this with your friends, you will come very close. And like I said, you want to get to the point where they describe themselves, and you're the one that has the weird emotional reaction. You'll have goosebumps. You'll well up with tears. Whatever it is, it's a fun exercise.
