WHY-time LIVE with Simon

I'm in the show. There we go. Live. Hello, everyone.

We are coming to you live on. What are we on? We're on Facebook, Instagram.

What are we on? LinkedIn, what other things were there that we're live on? Twitter, Twitter, YouTube, all the things live to do Find your why questions and answers. Hopefully I'll have answers to your questions. We just launched the find your why course a few weeks ago and lots of people called in with tons of questions as they were going through the process about how to find their why. And so we thought, why don't we do a live and answer questions live and help people who are finding their why actually do that. So that's what we're doing. Here we are.

I'm just eating some blue corn chips because I'm starving. But we should just jump right in, right? We have people joining us from all over the world, which is always amazing to me. Greece, where? Greece and India and Colombia, Tanzania. I mean, it's amazing. I'm always flattered and honored. Some of you are up really late to join me. So hello everyone and hello everybody on Instagram, where I'm also live looking at you right now. How are you? Okay, so let's jump right in because why delay?

Okay, I'll stop eating chips. That's really probably really annoying for everybody, but they're super tasty. Okay. Michelle B.

Good name for a pop star. Is it ever too late to figure out our why? As a 50 year old married mother of four, I feel like I am. Like I just am where I am. I'd love to know my why. But will it make such a difference to someone contentedly settled in their life? The only criterion to want to know your why, to knowing your why, is that you want to know your why. That's pretty much it. And so if you're content and happy.

And you don't feel like you need it and you trust your gut and life is good, then you're fine. But if you have the curiosity to know it, it really is quite enlightening. Regardless of where you are in your life, it's not a tool simply to fix broken things. That's not what it's for. It's a tool for clarity. And not only do you get clarity from knowing your why about things you're going to do and decisions you're going to make and things that you want to do, but it also actually helps you get clarity on the past. Once you articulate your why, you can look back in your life and you can see almost instantaneously that when things are going well and you're in the flow and things are working, you can see that your why is present. And you can also see that when things were a struggle or more difficult or more stressful, even though you, you know, you knew, quote unquote, what you were doing, you'll find that your why was fuzzy or absent, that it wasn't there. So it's actually a remarkable tool for clarity from the past, but also gives you clarity for future decisions. So regardless of how old you are, regardless of your lot in life, regardless of whether you're struggling or happy, content, it's all irrelevant. The question is if you'd like that clarity and you'd like to know that filter, it's an amazing confidence builder just to know who you are. It's a super grounding experience as well. So yes. Michelle B. I say it's a good thing. Keep doing it, even if you're in a good place.

Mira G. How long does it take to discover our why? Can we do it by ourselves or do we need someone's help? So the exact amount of time that it's like, how long does it take to ride a bicycle? You know, there is a process, and if you follow the process, 100% of people can learn to ride a bicycle. It's the same with the why. Some people have a slightly easier time, it'd go a little quicker. Some people, it takes a little longer. There's no right or wrong or good or bad. It's just what it is. Some people choose to do it slower. They want to take their time to do it and do it over the course of a few weeks. We've even heard people doing it over the course of a few months. They want to revisit it. Some people want to sit down and do it in a weekend. So it's really up to you how long it takes. And the question is, can we do it by ourselves or do we need someone's help? So technically you could do it by yourself? In my experience, it's way more difficult. For the simple reason is it's very hard to have objectivity about ourselves. We can't see ourselves the same way other people see us. We don't see how we're being received. And to have someone's help as we're telling the stories, to see the patterns is amazing. When I do y discoveries for people, they'll tell me a bunch of stories and like, the pattern will be so clear. And I'll say to them, do you see the pattern in all the stories you just told me. And they'll look at me like, no. And I'm like, you literally use the same words in every story. And they're like, I did. That's my point. It's really hard to have that kind of objectivity and that kind of perspective when you do it alone. So I strongly, strongly, strongly, strongly recommend you'd do it with someone. But we usually caution, don't do it with a spouse or a sibling or a parent. Those relationships are too close because they think they know you better. Okay, should we take one live from the Instagram?

What else? These are all questions related to finding our why. Hello, Brazil, hello, Kurdistan. Love that.

We have a good question from Kelly.

C. Kelly C. Go ahead. Where's she asking the question from?

I lost her.

Okay.

But Kelly C. Asks, what are you listening for in the stories people tell when you're helping them find their why your podcast guests often recount their first story is not the one.

So what am I listening for when people tell me the stories?

So she said in the podcast, when I asked people to tell me stories, they say, it's not the one.

I think more so how do you find the right story? How do you know the stories?

Oh, got it, got it, got it. So how do I get people to tell me the stories? Okay, so the big word for me when I'm helping somebody find their why is the word specific? The word specific? I just did one for a friend a few days ago, and I said, you know, tell me something you've done in your career. Tell me something specific you've done in your career that you loved being a part of. And she told me, oh, I loved when I was working in a doctor's office, and I was like, yeah, but you've done that many times. Tell me one. She's like, well, I always liked it. Those are not helpful. And so where I get sort of a little pushy is I push people to and I use different techniques to get them to go specific. I say, tell me one specific example of what you're saying about as if it were a movie that I can relive with you. Tell me one thing that happened. And sometimes they'll start giving me a generic one, and I'll always interrupt. So you want specific stories? Specific stories are the key because the more specific they are, they get lost in the story. If they're not specific, they try to start interpreting the stories and start looking for the patterns and doing the analysis for me, I don't need their help. In the analysis, I'm. I'm the one doing the act of listening. I just want them to get lost and tell the story. And so I've even said that to people. Please stop doing the analysis for me. Please just tell me the story about what, what you experienced. So that's the way you get stories out of people and allow people to get stories out of us. Here's one from Yen L. Sometimes I find myself losing sight of my why. How can we continually remind ourselves to live in alignment with our why? Fantastic question. Super difficult. So there are many things. One is.

Surround yourself with little symbols or talismans or reminders of your why. I do that. I have lots of little things over the years that I've collected that just remind me of my why. They could be a picture on a desktop of something that reminds you. I often recommend to people to find a physical object that reminds you of it and put it by your bed or put it on your desk. For me, if any of you have known me for any time, the color orange has become really important. Sorry, there's such chips coming back up.

The color orange has become really important because for me, it's the color of optimism. And it reminds me that my why is to inspire people to do the things that inspire them. You know, when you see orange standing out in something, even the second hand on my watch is orange. If you go back and watch my original TED Talk, you'll see my. My watch was completely orange. Orange plays a central theme in my life. Why? Because it reminds me of why I do what I do. Also, having friends who sometimes say, this is not like you, or you seem out of balance or is everything okay. But yeah, surround yourself with little reminders. I sometimes, for years, I had my why statement literally written by my computer. It's so internalized now I don't have it anymore. But for a long time I had it written on a post it right on my computer and I would replace it every now and then with just new handwriting. So write it down, put it around you, put it by your bed, put it on your desk, find objects, and it keeps you focused.

We have a good question from Zoe from Canada.

Zoe from Canada? Yes.

Zoe from Canada asks, can your why change over the years as your business and personal life change and evolve?

Ah, great. Zoe asks, can your why change over the years as your business and personal life change over the years? The simple answer is no. We only have one why and it is fully formed by the time we are probably in our mid to late teens. We are who we are, and the rest of our lives offer us opportunities to live in balance with that why or not. The rest of our lives present myriad choices that we have to make. And the question is, will we make a choice that keeps us aligned with our why or puts us out of balance from our why? So, absolutely, I would hope that we're growing professionally and personally. And what you'll probably find is that with your why front and center, it's actually becoming brighter and brighter, meaning you're making better decisions, more decisions that are keeping you in balance. In other words, I hope you're growing and getting happier and more confident as you get older, not the opposite. Your why can help do that. But we are who we are. We are the sum totals of how we were raised, the experiences we had when we were kids that made us who we are. The only question is whether we're making decisions that. That amplify the best of who we are. So, yes, one. Why your whole life.

Let's see, I should probably label which ones. I've crossed them off, so I know where I am. Okay. Leslie M. Hello, Leslie. What might the impact of people's lives be if they were taught about knowing their why at a young age? Should it be in the curriculum? Oh, my goodness, I love this. Well, there is an age that's too young. The youngest I've done it for was somebody who was 16, and they actually used it to write their college essay to help them get into the university of their choice. So I absolutely think I would love to see it in curriculum. Can you imagine if we taught all high school seniors or at least high school juniors, what their why was, how they would choose whether they want to go to college or not, and if they do, what college they want to go to, and if they don't, what career they want to follow, what their first job will be. Can you imagine if when a guidance counselor sits down with you, sits down with them, that that why is used to help offer the guidance, you know, as opposed to generic guidance counselor advice. Or if we get to college, same thing. I would love that. I know a lot of companies do that. You know, a lot of companies work to help their people find their why when they're. When they join the company. We do that because it helps us know who someone is and helps them know who they are. And it's really powerful. So, yeah, I'd love to see it for entry level employees. I'd love to see it in universities for sure. And I'd love to see it in high schools for juniors and seniors. I think that would be really amazing. So, yes, it should be in the curriculum. Leslie, I completely agree with you. Graham, do you have another one for me?

Yes, I've got a great one. Andreas asks, can we define a business by the why?

Andreas asks, can you define a business by the why? Absolutely. A why is ostensibly an origin story. It's where we come from. All businesses have a founding. They also were birthed. They come from somewhere. So absolutely, an organization can absolutely have a why. And it's that why that helps us feel connected to that organization, whether an employee or as a customer, or even as a shareholder, which is we want to feel connected to that organization, to their purpose, to their cause, to their belief that in some way shape or form that company is helping us realize our own purpose, cause, and belief. So yes, companies do have a why. The problem is most companies either don't know them or they don't follow them. They became obsessed with other things other than advancing a purpose, cause or belief. Also, a why is what establishes the values of a company. And though the products may change and culture may change and politics may change and technology may change, our values should be immutable. Our value should be fixed. Because that's how people know who we are. It creates expectations.

Okay, Suzanne asks, once our why is determined, what are some practical ways to utilize it that in building career decisions and life moves, etc. So I, we. So I wrote a book called Start with why. And the reason I called it Start with why is because learning your why, like college graduation, is a commencement. It is the beginning of something, not the end of something. You go through the process to start something. The opportunity then, as Suzanne asked, is, well, how do I use it? Well, the hard part is you can use it so many places. Knowing your why helps make better decisions about friends. Believe it or not, people we date, believe it or not, I love learning people's whys because I can actually feel if I have a connection to them or not. People who I really get along with. When I learn their why, I immediately know what it is that draws me to them. Because a why is the value they have. Their why is the value they have in my and all their friends lives. My why is the value I offer the world. It's the value that I feel in my, in my friends and colleagues as well. It is our contribution. Right. So a better way. Another way to use a why, very practically is in writing a resume. For example, a lot of people write the first thing on their resume they write objective to get a job with a reputable company. No kidding.

You're.

You're applying for a job. That's the purpose of the resume. What I always recommend is get rid of the objective statement and put your why at the top of the statement. Put your why front and center at the top of a resume, because then what the resume does, it provides the proof. It provides the context. And so if you have good. Because everybody puts on their resume all their jobs and how wonderful every job was. Not true. But when you put your why front and center, you can actually have a much more honest conversation about, oh, this job was amazing. My why was able to come to life and look at all the successes I had and the joy I had. This one was more of a struggle. And I realized I took the job for the wrong reasons. I took it because it offered me more money than an alternative. And boy, did I make a mistake. The point is it's an honest conversation, but that would be a weird conversation to have without context. So I'm a great believer in putting the why front and center. I think we still have it online. We used to offer or teach a classic, I remember, on how to write a resume on how to. I think we still have it. Find a job you love. Oh, yeah, we still have that. I think so. On our. On our. On our website, we have a class called how to Find a Job youb Love. And that very much puts the why front and center.

From David.

Yes, David.

My why is still in its early stage. It's just an idea and a rough concept, and it's not fully formed. How can I get it across the finish line into an actual statement?

So David has all the components of his why, but he doesn't have a statement. Okay, there's two answers to this. David. Sometimes the language that we're working in fails us. I work in English, and sometimes the English language just doesn't have the words that capture the essence of the why. Sometimes it's very clunky. It's true. It's just not very pretty. I have one person, I helped him do his why, and it was so sort of convoluted in how we had to describe it, even though he understood it perfectly. And he's like, that's it. That we just said. Big boat, little boat. That's all he said. He knows what it means, but it's a convoluted way for him to say it about how he operates between two worlds. So sometimes language just lets us down. But if you have all the components. What I would recommend is practice. Practice.

The other thing you can use is one of your origin stories, one of your stories from childhood. When somebody says, so what do you do? What makes you special? What makes you stand out? You're at a dinner party and somebody says, so tell me about yourself. You can say, well, when I was a kid and you tell that story, and basically I've been doing that the rest of my life, you're telling them your why. You just don't have the why statement. I'm a great believer in dinner parties and sitting next to people on planes. Whenever we're allowed to go back to dinner parties again, I think it's getting closer.

But when you're in a space that's not professional to practice using your why and see what lands. When I learned my why, I promise you, it took me about a hundred attempts or more when I would say my why statement, and people looked me like I had three heads. So practice, David, practice. But also tell those origin stories, and you'll find that you might find language in there as well.

On that note, Jaydeep asks, what is your own why, Simon?

My why, Jaydeep, is to inspire people to do the things that inspire them. So together, each of us can change our world for the better. That is why I get out of bed every morning. And it is. It is the greatest compliment someone can ever pay me. When I. When somebody reads my book or sees a talk or something that I've done and somebody says, you were so inspiring or that inspired me, or you're working, that's like the greatest compliment you can give me because that is my purpose. And that word. That word fuels me. You'll notice the word inspire comes up a lot. I made T shirts that have the word inspire on them. Why? Because I wanted to wear one. You'll see the word inspire used in all of our products in a lot of places. That's because that's the contribution we're attempting to make in the world. So that's my why. I have one here from Kashif. Kashif asks, is knowing our why limited to running a business only? Absolutely not. As we've discussed already, you can apply it wherever. A why is a description of who you are if you're doing a personal why versus a a company's why. But if you're doing your personal why, it captures. It captures what inspires you. It captures what what? The flame that burns inside you. It. It captures your value to the world. So every single human being has a God Given right to. They have, they have their own why. Our rise are unique to us.

And, and yeah, it's what makes us special and stand out. And it's why we. And one of the fun things is like, we meet lots of people, but we're not friends with everyone. How come? We're friends with people who we see the world the same way or we share their values or we get along with them. And the funny thing is when you hear the why of all your friends, you're like, oh yeah, that's why we're friends. Because it all sort of comes together and your whys go nicely together. Laura B. And Kurt G.

Ask why is it so difficult for organizations and traditional command and control leaders to move from what we, what we do to why we do it? How do we help shift that in our organizations? Great question. The reason is super, super simple. What is tangible and easy to count and easy to measure? Why is intangible. It's ethereal. It's hard to grasp, which is why I believe in specific stories and telling specific stories because it helps make tangible that which is intangible.

And leaders who are incentivized or driven by results alone, where all of their incentive structures are forcing them to only look at that which is tangible and that which is measurable. But we know what happens when you do that. Everything comes at a cost. So, for example, an organization needs to save money or boost profitability. Well, I can look at laying off 10% of my workforce and I can look at the numbers and count the numbers. I can see how it's going to increase my profitability and how going to boost my, reduce my expenses. It's right here. It's black and white, super simple. I mean, it seems like the smartest decision in the world to make. Great. Lay off 10% of my company destroys the culture, destroys trust with management, destroys trust with human resources, creates tension amongst employees. You have those who didn't get laid off have survivor's guilt because their friends got laid off. And you're literally creating years of new problems. Makes it harder to hire, makes it harder to keep the best people literally from this one choice because someone was excessively focused on the tangible over the intangible. Excessively focused on the what versus the why. You asked how do we shift our organizations? Keep talking about the why. Keep leading with the why. You keep doing it yourself. You cannot change the way another leader leads. You can only take responsibility for the way you lead. Be the leader you wish you had. Do that and things start to spread.

We've got a great one from Basilisk from earlier. Everyone has a very specific why, but are hows also specific or are they more dynamic and evolving?

Everybody has a specific why, but are hows dynamic and evolving?

So think of a why and how's kind of like the components of a fingerprint. So you are who you are. So your why is the. Is the. Is the flame inside you. It's what inspires you. It's sort of the thing that just really captures the essence of who you are and the value you provide to the world. Your values are how you go about delivering on that. In other words, they're your. Your unique selling propositions. They're your strengths, and those should also remain pretty immutable. So for me, one of. One of my values is keep it simple. Well, you'll see it in my work. My work very hard to take sometimes complex things and make them easy to understand. I've been doing it my whole life. I had to. It was, you know, goes back to my childhood as a survival mechanism, as a kid with ADHD who still had to get through school. So I had to learn to understand and ask questions and simplify. Another one of my values is silver line it, which means find the silver lining in every cloud. I've been doing that when I'm at my natural best. I'm doing that. So, again, what you'll find in how you do things is when you're operating in flow, when you're operating at your natural best, then, yes, all of those values are there. And they, they pretty much don't change your whole life. It's again, it's about opportunity to bring them to bear. It's. It's how you operate at your natural best.

So, yeah, you might find nuance as you get older, but the odds are very high they're going to remain the same. Jerry S. How did the pint. Not Jerry Seinfeld? Jerry Seinfeld asks. No, I'm just kidding. Although it could be. I don't know. I don't know who Jerry S Is. How did the pandemic change the way you think about defining and communicating the why? It didn't change anything. What it made me do, what it did for me, is it reinforced the importance of knowing your why and talking about it. The why during the pandemic, especially when it first started and there was so much confusion, we didn't know how to get it. We didn't know what was safe, we didn't know who was safe. It was such chaos.

Having the why. Was something very grounding. And we as an organization and me as an individual, we referred back to our why constantly because it gave us a sense of stability that with the world moving and chaotic around us, something. Something remained fixed. You'll have a very similar experience if you have a close, loving relationship that when there's chaos, there's stability in the relationship that actually helps you manage the chaos. So, if anything, the pandemic reinforced the importance of value, of knowing my why, knowing one's why. This is great. Graham, what else do we have?

Yeah, we have a good one here.

I'm looking on Instagram as well. What do we have here?

Jennifer asks, how would one who was raised in a dysfunctional functional family know that their why is genuine and authentic, as opposed from a false belief system and unhealthy coping mechanisms?

Okay, that. Okay, let's. Let's come closer, sir, because I don't think I can resp. I can get. Just say it. Just say it out loud so. So the nice people can hear what you said.

How would one who was raised in a dysfunctional family know that their why is genuine and authentic as opposed to from false belief systems and unhealthy coping mechanisms which served their purpose in childhood, yet do not as an adult?

Wow. Okay. Okay, thank you for that question, Jennifer. Jennifer, what a vulnerable question. I love that. Okay, let's unpack that. So we are the sum total of how we were raised and the experiences we had when we were kids, good or bad. And what I find remarkable, when I've done these and I've asked people tell me a specific early happy childhood memory, and sometimes somebody will stare at me and very uncomfortably say, I did not have a happy childhood. I don't have any happy memories. And I'll say, well, tell me a sad one then. And. And so here. Here's one of the actual things that somebody told me. They had a very. A very abusive father. And one of the things they remember is her and her brother, her baby brother hiding from their father when he went on a trip on a rampage. And she remembers holding her brother and covering him up while they hid in the closet. And she tells this traumatic, difficult, sad story. And it occurred to me while I was listening to the story, I said, you told me about how you made specific attempt to cover your brother, to protect your brother. That's positive. In other words, what you'll find is, even in difficulty, you will find these. These strengths that come out. And that's who this person was. This person, at her core was a protector that she would stand in the way of those who might be harmed. In other words, it was very, very positive. I'm a great believer in the world of balance, that there's a cost for everything that is good that happens to us, where everything we gain comes at a cost. But everything bad also offers some silver lining. There's always a positive in something bad that happens as well. So one of the dirty secrets about finding your why is you actually don't have to have happy childhood memories. You just have to have childhood memories, and there are still patterns in there that reveal who you actually are. And so some of those coping mechanisms, though, in their specific form, Jennifer, they may not be applicable as an adult. I would venture to say that there's still some things that came out of that that helped make you who you are, that offer you great value. I've talked about it before. I was a kid with adhd. Back then, it wasn't diagnosable. I was just hyperactive and didn't focus and got in trouble a lot for not doing my homework. And. And so I still had to get through school. And so I learned to ask questions and listen intently because that's the only way I could learn. Because I couldn't read a textbook, I would go after class and talk to teachers. It was all survival mechanism. But it's. Those coping mechanisms as a kid have translated into becoming strengths as an adult. And I'm a great believer that the solutions we find to our struggles as children very often become our strengths as adults. So that's an intense question, but I promise you that if you can tell those specific stories, you will find a wealth of wonderful, positive stories that make you who you are today and make you remarkable. And that's the same for all of us.

Yeah, Great stuff. This is great.

How do we apply.

Hold on one sec. Let me do one from Instagram. Um. Here we go. We kind of answered this one before, but it's the one in front of me. How do you find your. This is from X Detect X. How do you find your whys in life? How can. Can you have multiple whys at certain stages of your life? No. You only have one why. And I love it when people say, well, my. My professional why and my personal why is like, you only have one why. You know why. Because it's you. Because it's you. And you are still you, though you may grow and change and other things about you, and you'll hopefully become more grounded in your why. You do not have multiple whys. If you do think you have multiple whys, then how can they all be accurate? How can they all be true? The reality is you're either splitting it apart so it might actually be a description of hows, or one of them isn't true. If you're different at home than you are at work in one of those two places, you're lying. Lee here's another one from Instagram.

We how do you make it just stop scrolling? I just have to hold it right. How do you we think about why, but we also need to explain how. Yes, we do. In what ways can we make this connection? How to find our why and explain our hows when we practice it. It's one of the things that's actually in the why Discovery course. We do both. We help people understand their why. And it's also whenever I try and help people find these things, it's the whole process. And when you go through the process, you're going to have all these stories and all of these things that you do and what you'll find is like a lot of them are actions. How's your actions? Things you do, where you see the world, things like that. But one of them usually feels bigger that it bubbles up. One of them is more emotional than the others. The others are sort of things you do. But that's usually the why. So the process, believe it or not, reveals all of them at the same time. It's the question. One of the challenges is picking out the one that's actually the why. One of the one. One of the why. One of the things that's actually bigger than the other. So the process considers all of that. Here's one from Lee C.

Is this whole why thing really applicable to ordinary people or is it just something for gravy? Train management consultants. I love this. For instance, does a Tesco shell stacker really need a Y or can they just be doing their job to. To pay the bills? Okay. Knowing your why and the reason why you take your work are entirely different things. An organization that wants to offer their people a sense of belonging cares about their why. An organization that wants to define value based on their contribution to the world or to people and not just in. In financial terms, cares about their why and anybody who it's. You know, when you say. When you say does a Tesco shelf stacker really need a why? Why not? They're a human being. Are they not entitled to happiness and. And purpose and belonging? Are they not entitled to manage their life in a way that brings them joy and inspiration? Everyone is entitled to that. I think we have to be careful about.

Viewing someone's job and saying, how can they be happy? I know some people who do what.

Lee may consider menial labor, who are incredibly happy and fulfilled, and they love the people they work for and they see their job as contributing to. To the lives of other people. And I know some people in big fancy jobs and make lots of money and, you know, have fame who are unhappy because it's. It's all about the stuff. So. So. Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. A shelf stacker at Tesco's is entitled to know their way. Not at Sainsbury's, they're not entitled to know. Just. Just Tesco's. But yeah, no, I.

Every human being is entitled, has a why. Is entitled to know it. Why. That's. That's part of the why I do what I do, which is I said a long time ago, I want a golden circle in every desk. You and you hear my vision. I imagine a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single morning inspired, feel safe wherever they are, and end the day fulfilled by the work that they do. I literally mean anyone and everyone who wants that, regardless of where they are or their lot in life. That is the contribution that we are making. This is what this movement is. We're all a part of it. That's why we're here. Okay.

Yeah.

We've got. How do we apply the why to finding dates, partners, marriage and relationships as a whole?

How do we find our why to find dates, partners, and relationships as a whole? So what I think is really interesting is think of a date like. Like a job interview, right? And think of a job interview like a date, right? So if you went on a. On a first date with someone and they sat down, they said, you know.

I'm extremely rich, I've made lots of money, I do lots of cool things, I've met a lot of famous. And think of a job interview like a date, right? So if you went on a. On a first date with someone and they sat down, they said, you know.

I'm extremely rich. I've made lots of money, I do lots of cool things. I've met a lot of famous people. I go on TV all the time, which is good because I'm really good people. I go on TV all the time, which is good because I'm really good looking. Yeah. Yeah. Would you want to go on a second date with them? Looking? Yeah. Yeah. Would you want to go on a second date with them? Right. Not very appealing. It's also not very appealing when we sit down for a job interview and just tell people how great we are and all the things that we've done. It's the same kind of thing. Now imagine if you knew your why and you're making conversation with someone and they say, so, you know, where are you from? You know, right? Not very appealing. It's also not very appealing when we sit down for a job interview and just tell people how great we are and all the things that we've done. It's the same kind of thing. Now imagine if you knew your why and you're making me a little bit about you and you say, you know, I love what I do, I love my life, I love my job. You can say I, I, I wake up every day to inspire people to do the things that inspire them. And for me the challenge is finding all the different ways that I could do it in conversation with someone and they say, so, you know, where are you from? What you know, tell. And I've been really, really grateful for the path that it's taken me. And I've, I've made some money and I've made a little bit about you. And you say, you know, get to go on tv, which is fun because I'm really good looking. And you can see how all the same jokes and all the same things now have a context and that's what why does. It provides context. It also, I love what I do, I love my life, I love my job. You can say I helps you connect with somebody that when somebody's telling you about themselves and you ask some questions and you get, I, I wake up every day to inspire people to do the things that inspire them and get to know them a little bit and you realize that maybe their values are completely different than yours. So why gives you clarity and confidence in who you are and what you need around you. But it also helps you present yourself in a way that's way more authentic. Now there's a rub to the why that I don't talk about that often.

Because you really have to get good at giving your why before you can deal with. For me, the challenge is finding all the different ways that I could do it. And I've been really, really grateful for the path that it's taken me. And I've made some money and I've get to go on tv, which is fun because I'm really good looking. And you can see how all the sameness. But the difficult part about knowing your why is the thing that you give to the world, the value you give and offer to other people is also the thing you need the most. So it's one. So one of the ways to.

Understand the people in our lives, partners and mates, is can they actually give us the thing that we give to other people? Can they refuel jokes and all the same things now have a context? And that's what why does it provides context. It also our why as we. As we spend it to give it to other people so helps you connect with somebody that when somebody's telling you about themselves and you ask some questions and you go that's. That's a big part of it as well. So for me, the hardest part for me is I need people to inspire me to do what inspires to do what I love also. So, yeah, this is why I'm friends with folk. This is why I'm drawn to people who live lives of service because it inspires me so much. Good question.

I had one in here to know them a little bit. And you realize that maybe their values are completely different than yours. So why gives you clarity and confidence in who you are and what you need around you, but it also helps you present yourself in a way that's when here that I liked. I lost the question, but I remember what it was. It was something to the effect of how do we live our why? And how do we inspire people around us when we're the low person on the totem pole?

Well, you cannot change more authentic. Now, there's a rub to the why that I don't talk about that often. The way our. We can't change the way our leaders lead like I wish we could. You know, no number of anonymously sent books will suddenly change the way that they lead often.

Because you really have to get good at giving your why before you can deal with it. We can keep trying, but it won't work.

We have to be the leaders we wish we had. And so we can't change the way somebody three, four, five levels above us is leading the company. But we can take responsibility for how the people to the left of us. Yes, but the difficult part about knowing your why is the thing that you give to the world, the value you give and offer to other people is also the thing you need the most. So it's one so. And how the people to the right of us feel when they come to work. And by the way, the person who we work for, our boss, they're a human being too. And though they may be difficult or sometimes maybe they're an asshole, do we really know why? Are they just one of the ways to.

Understand the people in our lives? Genetic asshole. They may be. It absolutely is a possibility. Partners and mates is can they actually give us the thing that we give to other people? Can they refuel? Or maybe they're under extreme stress that we don't know about. Or maybe their bus is an extreme asshole and it just filters down. Or maybe they were never taught how to lead and they're just trying to make the best of it and they're lying, hiding, and faking every day. There's so many reasons. And so sometimes going into our why as we. As we spend it to give it to other people. So that's. That's a big part of it as well. So for me, the hardest part for me is I need people to inspire our boss's office and saying, hey, you were really, you were really tough, tough on us in the meeting today. I just want make sure you're okay. Are you okay? I'm worried about you. Like, we've all been going through a lot during this Covid time, for example, and so have you. So being a leader doesn't just mean being a leader to the people on our level. It means being a leader to the people around us. And so the way we me to do what inspires to do what I love also. So, yeah, this is what we lead from the bottom of the totem pole is the exact same way we lead from everybody. I'm friends with folk. This is why I'm drawn to people who live lives of service, because it inspires level of the totem pole, which is we take care of those around us and we be the leaders we wish we had. That is leadership has nothing to do with rank. It has nothing to do with where we sit on the totem pole. It's how we take care of those around us. Remember, leadership is the awesome responsibility to. To see those around us rise. Okay, let's take some more. Inspires me so much. Good question.

I had one in here that I liked. I lost the question, but I remember what it was. It was something to the effect of asks.

What if our why scares us and we feel like no one really sees it in us? Could it be that we have the wrong why? We still go for it.

I love that. How do we live our why? And how do we inspire people around us? We're the low person on the totem pole.

Well, you cannot change that. That's such a. That's such a complicated thought. She says, what if our Andrea Asks what if our why scares us and, and we fear that people won't see it? Do we abandon it or do we just go for it? Okay, so there's two thoughts there that are worth unpacking. Okay. If other people don't see it. Okay, that's. Let's. Let's deal with that first because I think that's a little, that's a little simpler the way our. We can't change the way our leaders lead. Like I wish we could. You know, no number if other people don't see it, then the question is, are we showing it right? And so many of us, all of us especially at various times, we're all lying, hiding and faking at various points, right. Of anonymously sent books will suddenly change the way that they lead. Somebody asks a question, you know, that makes us uncomfortable in a public forum. Sometimes we agree to some. We can keep trying, but it won't work.

We have to be the thing we say yes, even though it's not true because we just don't want to embarrass ourselves. We're very often inauthentic. Plus we live in an Instagram, Facebook, TikTok world. We're all presenting ourselves and curating ourselves as how we want to be. So we're really good at showing people the leaders we wish we had. And so we can't change the way somebody three, four, five levels above us is kind of person we want to be. It's kind of ironic as well if you think about relationships. You know, we present ourselves as the. As our best selves, but it's only really when our vulnerabilities and insecurities are revealed can love exist. Leaving the company. But we can take responsibility for how the people to the left of us. That's that magical authenticity. So I would argue that if. If the world and how the people to the right of us feel when they come to work and by the way, doesn't see who you are, are there ways that you can share it with the world in a way that is inspiring to them and authentic to you how you show up sometimes the clothes you wear, sometimes it's silly stuff.

I would often wear brightly colored ties in college. I know a little nerdy, but one because it sort of was a reflection of my independence. I didn't dress like everyone else, but it, it also made people smile. I would catch them seeing my, my tie and it would make them smile and. And I liked that. And so there are lots of little things we can do personally to bring our. Why to life. Now, what I'm really interested in is what you said, Andrea, when you said, what if our why scares us now? If it's actually scary because it's dangerous or difficult, then maybe it's not fully our why, if it scares us, but because we are afraid that others will judge us for what it is. Like, this is truly who I am, and this is why I wake up out of bed every morning. You know, then. Then I think you have to go for it. Now the question is, do you have to jump in the deep end? I think that's a question of your own risk tolerance. I think there's nothing wrong with wading into the water starting in the sh. The person who we work for, our boss, they're a human being too. And though they may be difficult or sometimes maybe they're an asshole, do we really know why? Are they just a genetic asshole? They may be. It absolutely is a possibility. Or maybe they're under extreme stress that we don't know about. Or maybe their bus is an extreme asshole and it just filters down. Or maybe they were never taught how to lead and they're just jello. And I mean, think about it. Look what I do for a living. Inspire people that do the things that inspire them. Like, how corny and cheesy is that? Right? Like, I'm fully aware of that. When I first started talking about it, people were trying to make the best of it, and they're lying, hiding, and faking every day. There's so many reasons. And so sometimes going into like, well, that's cheesy. I'm like, I know, I know. And so I. But I still would our boss's office and saying, hey, you were really. You were really tough, tough on us in the meeting today. Do it. And was it a jumping in the deep end? No. I would dip my toe and I would test things out, you know, and I would try things out, and I'd see how it was received. And sometimes it went well, and sometimes it didn't go well. It's learning to swim with my why is basically. Was my why floaties. I was wearing y floaties. That's what I was doing. So, yeah, I think if it feels right, because that's the test of a why, you know, does it feel right? Does it feel like who I am? Does it give you chills or goosebumps? Or does it make you well up when you think about it? Does it excite you? Then it's probably accurate. And yeah, then you gonna have to at least get in the shallow and you dip your foot in and try. Try using it at certain places and as you get more comfortable, you'll learn to swim. Graham, I'm out of questions over here, so we can. Let me see if I got any over. I just want to make sure you're okay. Are you okay? I'm worried about you. Like, we've all been going through a lot during this Covid time, for example, and so have you. So being a leader doesn't just mean being a leader to the people on our level. It means being a leader to the people around us. And so the way we hear from the gram.

Thanks everyone for sticking around. By the way, we've been going for over 40 minutes and look how many people are still here joining me. I love it. I'm going to have a little drink because my voice is getting a little hoarse.

We've got one from Linda. Linda asks. We have a few questions that concern age and the why.

Okay, Lots of questions about age and the why. Let's hear Linda's question.

Linda says, at 62, is my why a look back or a look forward?

So Linda asks, At 60, lead from the bottom of the totem pole is the exact same way. We lead from every level of the totem pole, which is we take care of those around us and we be the leaders we wish we had. That is leadership has nothing to do with rank. It has nothing to do with where we sit on the totem. Two is my why I look back or I look forward. The good news is, Linda, a why is always looking back. It is an origin story. It's where we come from. It's how we take care of those around us. Remember, leadership is the awesome responsibility. And so one of the things that I've always actually wanted to do, I've always wanted to start a project where I can help people who are terminally ill learn their why so they can look back at their lives and. And see. See the value that they've. That they've offered and. And can pass on to see those around us rise. Okay, let's take some more on with peace and confidence. And so the age that we find our why is completely irrelevant. It's a. As I said, it's a.

It's when Drea asks, what if our why scares us and we feel like no one really sees it in us, could it be that we have the wrong why, we still go for it.

I love that when somebody truly learns their why, there's an excitement that comes over them. There's a Calm. That's such a. That's such a complicated thought. She says, what if our. And confidence that comes over them and there's a clarity that they gain. And looking back and understanding and seeing the patterns when things worked and didn't work is actually very calming and confident. So at 62 years old, looking back, one of the advantages you have at 62 that somebody who's 16 or 19 or 20 doesn't have is you have way more life experience. So you have Andrea ask, what if our why scares us and we fear that people won't see it? Way more stories to call upon and way more pattern. Way more places to find the pattern. So it's actually a little easier, believe it or not, because you just have more. More data. Do we abandon it or do we just go for it? Okay, so there's two thoughts there that are worth unpacking. Okay. If other people don't see it. Okay, that's. Let's. Let's deal with that first, because I think that's a little. That's a little simpler. So at 62, it's. You have lots and lots of data to cull through to. To get your why. So I. Yeah, yeah, please do it. If other people don't see it, then the question is, are we. Somebody said, why Floaties? Yes, we should produce why Floaties. Merch. Merch. Floaties with why. Why am I swimming? Yeah. When I was a little kid, little aside just occurred to me. Talking, showing it, right? And so many of us, all of us especially about confidence. So I was learning to swim, and like so many little kids, I had floaties. I. I grew up not in America, so we called them armbands. Right. So I wore armbands, actually, at various times. We're all lying, hiding, and faking at various points, Right. Somebody asks a question, you know, that makes us uncomfortable in a public forum. Sometimes we agree to something. And my mother, as I was learning, would let out the air slowly. So I went from really full to slowly letting out the air. And at one point, they had no air in them. Zero. And I would put them on and jump in the pool. And my mother said, you think we say yes even though it's not true? Because we just don't want to embarrass ourselves. We're very often inauthentic. Plus, you know, you can swim like, you don't need your armbands. And I refused to take them off because I couldn't swim without them, even though they had no air in them. I didn't Understand physics at the age. But yeah, and they would just kept falling off and I would just keep pulling them back on while I was in the water, you know. So that's my little unrelated floaty story. My little armband story. We live in an Instagram, Facebook, TikTok world. We're all presenting ourselves and curating ourselves as how we want to be. So. So we're really good at showing people the.

I think let's take two more questions. We've got one that's very interesting kind.

Of person we want to be. It's kind of ironic as well if you think about relationships.

You know, one that's a little tougher. Which one you want?

Let's do the tough question first. Okay. We got.

It's. It's tough. Any idea for talking with family that is anxious you won't be financially stable in pursuing your why. Why.

Okay.

Okay. The question was any advice about how do we present ourselves as the. As our best selves. But it's only really when our talk to family.

Because of the their fear that if you pursue your why you will not be financially stable. Okay, yes. That is a misunderstanding of the why vulnerabilities and insecurities are revealed. Can love exist? That's that magical authenticity. So I would argue that if, if the world doesn't see who you are, you know, are there ways that you can share it with the world in a way that is inspiring? Right. You're probably talking about what you want to do that is maybe not financially viable to your family, but it has. It is not about why you're doing it. Right. So for example, you can say my why is to be an actor. And your family's like, really, please don't, you know, be an accountant. You know, families are really practical to them and authentic to you. How you show up. You know, being an actor is not your why. Being a painter is not your why.

They are ways in which you found to bring your why to life. Sometimes the clothes you wear, sometimes it's silly stuff, you know, I, I always. And so we have a few actors and a few performers on our team and, and they have said to us that they have found similar kinds of fulfillment. I would often wear bright, brightly colored ties in college. I know a little nerdy, but one. Because it sort of was a reflection of my independence. I didn't dress like everyone else and in the work they do with us than they did on the stage because it was not about the performance. But I, it, it also made people smile. I would catch them Seeing my, my tie and it would make them smile. And performance is one way in which they could bring their why to life.

It's. It might be about sharing stories or giving of self or creating emotional, creating a safe emotional space for people. And there are many, many, many ways you can do that. Some are profitable and some are not profitable. I think a healthy life is a little bit like a healthy art collection. A healthy art collection has a range of emotions. And I think a healthy life is finding multiple ways to bring your why to life. I like that. And so there are lots of little things we can do personally to bring. It's your why should come to life as a friend. It can come as your hobbies, professionally. Again, why to life. Now, what I'm really interested in is what you said, Andrea, when you said what if our why scares us now, if it's actually scary because it's dark, dangerous or difficult and you may still choose to pursue a career that you're. Then maybe it's not fully our why if it scares us, but because we are afraid that ultimately disapproves of. But I think when the question, your question was how do I have the conversation with my family to truly talk about your why and help them understand who you are? And then you say, so let's just use mine as an example. I want to inspire people to do the things that inspire them. And there are many will judge us for what it is like. This is truly who I am. This is why I wake up out of any ways I can do it. As you know, however, the one that brings me the most joy, the one that I found that I can connect most easily with, is when I bed every morning. You know, then. Then I think you have to go for it. Now the question is, do you have to jump, paint or when I act or whatever it is, and I can look in the audience and I can see the impact that I'm having. The deep end. I think that's a question of your own risk tolerance. I think there's nothing wrong with wading into the water starting in the sh. And I really want to pursue that for a while because I feel that it gives me, it brings my why to life. But I can promise you that there are other ways and I'll explore those also. So it does help with the conversation because a why provides context for the choices you make. And so give your family context. Don't just say, but it's my passion. Right? They won't understand that. Jalawind, I mean, think about it. Look what I do for a living. Inspire people that do the things that inspire them, like how we have a fun one.

Can a country have a why?

I love that. Can a country have a why? Yes. Yes. Because a country. And cheesy. Is that right? Like, I'm fully aware of that when I first started talking about it. People Tree is an organization of people with values. And not only does a country have a why, a country has, has values and, and, and just like people or jobs, Sometimes we feel like, well, that's cheesy. I'm like, I know, I know. And so I. But I still would do it. And was it a jumping in the deep end? No, I would dip my toe and I would test things out. You know, like, we belong there. And sometimes we don't. Sometimes we have weird loyalty to a country, even though the conditions may be more difficult than if we moved. Because we love our countries, we love our friends, we love our jobs. Even though I could get paid more somewhere else and I would try things out and I'd see how it was received. And sometimes it went well and sometimes it didn't go well. Learning to. I love it working here. So absolutely. People emigrate, you know, they go to a new country because they say, I didn't quite fit in where I come from, so I moved. States can have whys, cities can have whys. And what's really funny is just like people and just like come with my why is basically was my why floaties. I was wearing Y floaties. You can see how their why shows up in their economies or in their personalities. That's what I was doing. So, yeah, I think if it's, if you, if it feels right, because that's so for example, the Germans or the Swiss, like really into super, super, super, super high quality detail things like that, right? And then you look at the people who are making a test of a why. You know, does it feel right? Does it feel like who I am? Does it give you chills or picking all those high quality products? You know, we make fun of the Germans because they don't have a sense of humor. Well, that's because they don't have a sense of humor.

And they don't even know that I'm joking. Goosebumps. Or does it make you well up when you think about it? Does it excite you? Then it's probably accurate. And because they didn't have a sense of humor and didn't know that that was a joke. My point is, is I kid.

We all know the Germans have Yeah. Then you gonna have to at least get in the shallow end. You dip your foot in sense of humor.

My point is you can start to see in what. In the products that. That, that economies produce and try. Try using it at certain places and as you get more comfortable, you'll learn to swim. You can get a sense of their. Of their personalities. So you take a look at America. Lots of innovation that comes out of America. But we're also like always on to the next. Always on to the next. We're constantly redoing things. Graham, I'm out of questions over here, so we can. Let me see if I got any. Over redoing things. Not a lot of patience here because it's so entrepreneurial. So yeah, it's really funny when you look at, you know, when you look here from. From the gram.

Thanks everyone for sticking at the personality of. Of a country. Absolutely. Think of them as a person around. By the way, we've been going for over 40 minutes and. And look how many people are still here joining me. I love. And it all makes perfect sense. Okay, if you could drop your why. If you think you know your why, drop it in the chat. Let other people see. I love reading them myself.

And. And then I think we're good. I'm gonna have a little drink because my voice is getting a little hoarse.

We've got one from Linda.

Gonna wrap up.

Thank you everyone for joining. What did I have to do? Oh, sorry. I have a closing here. Thanks so much for joining us and continuing to spread the wine message. I have to say that. Sorry. Thank you so much for joining us and helping us continue to spread the message of why. Lord knows I can't do it alone. And I need.

Linda asks. We have a few questions that concern age and the why.

All the help I can get. Because remember what we said before. We want to get a why. Okay. Lots of questions about age and the why. Let's hear Linda's question.

Linda says at 62 is my why.

We want everyone to find their why. When you get a golden circle in every desk and this is a movement.

Why, a look back or a look forward.

So Linda asks at 60 and it's about helping. It's a. It's more.

It's.

It's bigger than just us finding our why. It's how can we help our friends and our colleagues find their why? That's what I want us to commit to, which is helping other people find their why and learning. Yours is just two is my why. I look back or I look Forwards. The good news is, Linda, a why is all one of the tools to help other people find theirs. If you want to find your why or refresh your why, be sure to check the new find your why course. The new always looking back. It is an origin story. It's where we come from. And so one of the things that I've always actually wanted to do on Demand course on SimonSinek.com I recorded it myself. It was so much fun. I got Jake over here who's helping me out today, who helped me record it and we had a blast making it and we had a. I've always wanted to start a project where I can help people who are terminally ill learn a lot of fun. And so if you're looking for to go through an on demand course to find your why, do check out find your why and their why so they can look back at their lives and, and see for the next 24 hours. If you use the code Y time W H Y T I M E, in other words, it's Y time.

You'Ll get 20% off that on demand course. Just for people who are tuning in today, because I'm so grateful that you're here, that you're part of the movement, it's our way of saying thank you see the value that they've, that they've offered and, and can pass on with peace and confidence. And so the age that we find here in giving a little back and if you've already found your why, then give that code to someone who's looking for it. I think that's all we got. For those of you who are in the United States, our why is completely irrelevant. It's a, as I said, it's a, it's have a happy Memorial Day and a nice long weekend. For those of you in other places.

I know that we're all in different stages of the pandemic. I wish you good luck, good fortune, Godspeed, and take care of each other as best you can. When somebody truly learns their why, there's an excitement that comes over them. There's a call and on that, thank you for joining. It's really fun to do these, Take care of yourself, take care of each other. And confidence that comes over them and there's a clarity that they gain and looking back and understanding and seeing the patterns when things worked and didn't work is actually very calming and confident. So at 62 years old, looking back, one of the advantages you have at 62 that somebody who's 16 or 19 or 20 doesn't have is you have way more life experience, so you have way more stories to call upon and way more pattern, way more places to find the pattern. So it's actually a little easier, believe it or not, because you just have more. More data. So at 62, it's. You have lots and lots of data to cull through to. To get your why. So, yeah, yeah, please do it. Somebody said why Floaties. Yes, we should produce y. Floaties with merch. Merch. Floaties with why. Why am I swimming? Yeah. When I was a little kid, little aside just occurred to me talking about confidence. So I was learning to swim, and like so many little kids, I had floaties. I grew up not in America, so we called them armbands. Right. So I wore armbands and my mother, as I was learning swim, would let out the air, you know, slowly. So, you know, I went from really full to slowly letting out the air. And. And at one point, they had no air in them. Zero. And I would put them on and jump on the pool. And my mother said, you know, you can swim like, you don't need your armbands. And I refused to take them off because I couldn't swim without them, even though they had no air in them. I didn't understand physics at the age, but yeah, and they would just kept falling off and I would just keep pulling them back on while I was in the water, you know. So that's my little unrelated floaty story. My little armband story, I think.

Let's take two more questions. We've got one that's very interesting and one that's a little tougher. Which one you want?

Let's do the tough question first. Okay. We got.

It's. It's tough. Any idea for talking with family that is anxious, you won't be financially stable in pursuing your why.

Okay.

Okay. The question was any advice about how to talk to family.

Because of their fear that if you pursue your why, you will not be financially stable? Okay, yes. That is a misunderstanding of the why. Right. You're probably talking about what you want to do that is maybe not financially viable to your family, but it is not about why you're doing it. Right. So, for example, you can say, my why is to be an actor. And your family's like, really, please don't, you know, be an accountant. You know, families are really practical.

Being an actor is not your why. Being a painter is not your why. They are. They are ways in which you found to bring your why to life. And so we have a few actors and a few performers on our team and, and they have said to us that they have found similar kinds of fulfillment in the work they do with us than they did on the stage because it was not about the performance. Performance is one way in which they could bring their why to life.

It might be about sharing stories or giving of self or creating emotional, creating a safe emotional space for people. And there are many, many, many ways you can do that. Some are profitable and some are not profitable. I think a healthy life is a little bit like a healthy art collection. A healthy art collection has a range of emotions and I think a healthy life is finding multiple ways to bring your why to life. It's your why should come to life as a friend. It can come as your hobbies professionally again and you may still choose to pursue a career that your family disapproves of. But I think the question yours questions.