Business Survival Masterclass with @JohnGrayMarsVenus

I've got to be careful asking you this kind of stuff because you can go off the charts on this. Some of the stuff you've told me before, I'm like, john, I could never repeat that in public.

So just give us some thoughts.

What you think.

We'll keep this general. What is it?

G rated.

G rated, Very G rated. So there's a lot going on now. And just to preface it, kind of what you just said in China, what they found is a huge spike in people wanting to get divorced because, you know, as you mentioned, I'll elaborate a little bit more on it, not to be a downer, but it's probably what a lot of people's frustrations are right now and how to give them some practical solutions, which is all, you know, my thing is all about practical solutions. But before you can apply a practice practical, a solution that you did not know before. Because everything I share with people, they go, wow, that makes sense. I could have figured that out if you have the right knowledge base. So it doesn't take a lot of skill to walk through the front door if somebody says the front door is over there. But if you keep thinking the front door is the back door, you keep going out the back door, you get the same results you've been getting. So if you're frustrated or you're not getting what you need in your relationship, you notice the tension building up inside. These are some practical solutions, but they require you to realize that what you're doing right now is wrong. Your partner is not the problem, you are the problem. Now, certainly they could be the problem as well. But if you want to change something, who do you change? That's right. We change ourselves. That's the whole power of empowerment is we make a commitment to remember why are we in this relationship in the first place? Because we want to love somebody and be loved by them. And if we are not getting that result, what can we do to change within ourself to get that result? So I need to point out where the front door is and it is the opposite of where the back door is. So let's look at another way of looking at things. So this is a. It's going to take like three or four minutes first before we get to solutions of foundation information that most people have never heard unless they've heard my talks before. So, you know, 25, 30, almost 30 years ago, I wrote Men are from Mars, Women from Venus. And in that world, people are more traditional. The men were mainly the providers, women were homemakers, and we had basic instincts of how to have relationship. But today everything has changed. As the world is faster, as women are more independent, as stress levels have gone up, what happens is we create a new series of challenges in our relationships. So this information today will not only help you now, but going through this new challenge of being in the house together all the time, you would think that's like the best thing in the world, but actually it creates new challenges. But the world today has created a new challenge. So let's understand that first, for men to experience love, open heartedness, romantic feelings, caring feelings, selfless feelings. Go back to when you proposed to your wife. Men and I'm going to be talking mainly about couples. We'll try to go into singles a little bit. But when you married your wife, you knelt before her, you said, will you marry me? Okay, you the man, you give up yourself for her. Now that's very important because that won her over. That made her feel like, oh, I can trust you. I accept you with all your flaws. You're amazing. I appreciate what you can provide for me, whether big or small. So when men kneel to make that proposal, we forget that's who we were when we got married. So first of all, let's remember that because we're going to need to understand that a little bit later. Second thing is what is happening in him when he kneels before you is his testosterone. It's a hormone. It is going very high. It says, I care about you. I will give my life for you. Like a soldier. Like if there's a storm, he runs out and fixes the roof. If there's a dirty, dangerous job, he says, hey, I'll take it happily. He takes it because he can care for someone he loves. But he needs to be fueled as well. That man who kneels before you, he's already figured out that you're a woman who appreciates him so much. If he does a job, he will get rewarded for it. It's kind of like us in our businesses. People need to feel rewarded for what they do or they become lazy. Often women don't realize in the beginning of relationships why men have such high testosterone. Because this hormone testosterone is essential for men to open their hearts. Men need 10 to 30 times more testosterone being produced in his body than a woman. Otherwise he will be depressed. Otherwise he will be grumpy, otherwise he will be irritable. And that's what's happening a lot in homes now. If I'm not out doing my job, making a difference, that's what produces Testosterone. When you're solving problems, when you're making a difference, when you're earning an income that you're going to give to somebody and provide for them, you have meaning in your life. You have purpose in your life. That bumps up testosterone. So if you're a man and you're stuck at home and you're not doing your thing to make money and provide, your testosterone starts going down. Symptoms of low testosterone in men compared to men, women all have low testosterone. Men need 10 to 30 times more to be romantic, to feel affectionate, to feel wanting to love her. More important than anybody else in the world. That's a spike in testosterone. Now this is important because people always think testosterone causes aggression and that, oh, dangerous man, they have too much testosterone. Actually at those times when there's aggression, his testosterone is going down because he feels powerless. All criminals feel powerless. They bump themselves. Bullies feel insecure, so they have to pump themselves up, become like a gorilla because they're insecure. When a man is angry, you can actually measure his testosterone going down. And the female hormone going up now that's the female hormone here is estrogen. Estrogen is what a woman's body requires in order to feel well being. Now when she has low estrogen, she tends to feel overwhelmed, she tends to feel stressed. Her mind goes into fight or flight. And when your brain goes into fight or flight, there's a bias where all you can see is danger. You see that if you're a fireman, you go into the fire. You got to look, what's going to happen here? What's going to happen here? What's going to happen? Your mind is going to be anticipating because you're feeling fear, fight or flight. So estrogen is when estrogen goes down and estrogen, basically estrogen is stimulated when you feel safe and you can depend on someone. So if I'm doing something for you and you feel, oh, I can depend on you to get what I need, my estrogen levels go up. So when a woman is feeling, oh, I can ask my husband to help me do something and he will do it. Her estrogen goes up. Oh, I say to my husband, I like to see the ballet. And he says, oh, I'm going to get ballet tickets. She goes, oh my God, this man really cares about me. I'm a priority. Her estrogen goes up. Now ultimately, as a man, I need to be responsible to create my testosterone. As a woman, she needs to be responsible to create her estrogen. Whenever a woman does things that she loves to do, that she enjoys doing, that she likes to do, her testosterone will go down and her estrogen will go up and she'll feel happy. When she's not happy, it's because she feels, I have to do it myself. You see, when I can do something myself as a man, my testosterone goes up. But when a woman feels, oh, I have to do it myself, her estrogen goes down. So in my exploration of women for 40 years, when they're stressed out, they typically say things like this. I have so much to do, I don't have enough time. See, time is a big supporter. I don't have enough time. I have to do this. I have to do this. Whenever you feel I have to do something. Urgency. What's happening is testosterone is being produced. Now, for men, that's good. Most men, if there's a fire, we suddenly get energy, we're going to put out that fire. A woman, if there's a fire, she'll put out the fire too. If nobody's going to help her, her testosterone goes up. But when testosterone goes up, we'll call that the male energy. Her female energy starts to go down, has a tendency to go down. Now, if she loves being a fireman, okay, firewoman. If she enjoys it, it. If it feels safe to her, then she can produce testosterone and estrogen at the same time. But when women have fear, the brain immediately goes to the amygdala, the back part of the brain, primitive part of the brain. And there's a bias. Immediately you start looking at problems, problems, and you imagine more and more problems coming. And as you imagine more and more problems coming, you remember as well all the past problems. So your husband, who was late three times, now that becomes this huge deal. Oh, he's been late before, he'll be late again. I can't trust him. I'll have to do it myself. So this is a bias that the brain goes into when estrogen levels in a woman are low. And the same bias happens in men when their estrogen goes too high. So what we want is to find balance. Now, that's the modern world. Today, something has changed. So we don't have role models, influencers, to show us another way. Our parents were our main influencers and they lived in a different world. Today's world is way more stressful, way more fight or flight. And right now there's more fight or flight for many people. So in that place of fight or flight, we have to know what happens to our hormones. For women, their testosterone goes up. It's like, I have to raise my sword and protect myself. I become hyper vigilant to see what dangers or could come have come. And men, if they face danger and there's nothing they can do about it, powerlessness, there's, well, I can't go to work, I can't make money, I can't protect my family. Powerlessness and men lowers their testosterone, raises their estrogen. So we see how right now is a testing ground of learning new skills. It's actually an amazing, as you said, opportunity to learn new relationship skills because a man can go to his work and bump up his testosterone. But how do you use your relationship to bump up your testosterone? Because I see many successful men who make a lot of money, they feel proud of themselves, their testosterone goes up. But when they come home, they feel, oh, my wife's not happy and their testosterone crashes. See the relationship in the context of work and all these business owners. If you're not happy and stress free at home, you're bringing stress to the workplace. And we know when you're creating stress to the workplace. Your own internal stress, anger, frustration, apathy, anxiety, defensiveness, selfishness, self centeredness, a lack of empathy, a lack of compassion, a lack of leadership, a lack of communication. Literally when you're experiencing stress, you're in fight or flight to various degrees. Blood flow stops to the executive part of the brain. That's where we can be positive, that's where we can have optimism. That's where we can find creative solutions. That's when we can hear somebody else's point of view as different from our own. See, that's the whole key is to learn how to embrace are differences. And what I'm focusing on here in this talk is pretty much the differences that show up a lot between heterosexual couples. I don't want the gay people to feel excluded, but I can only focus on one thing at a time because the information is different. But for gay people who are listening this talk, you don't need to zone out or feel excluded. Think of when I talk about men, think of your own masculine energy. When I talk about women, think about your own feminine energy. And in a gay relationship, quite often one partner tends to carry more of the masculine energy between two women or two men and one tends to carry and express more of the feminine energy. So this talk can help them as well understand where your partner is coming from at certain times. My one piece of practical advice that's different for gay couples than straight couples is that if you're the dominant one, the more testosterone in the relationship, it's good to take time to switch roles. Very important because you do have a female side and you want to support your female side and the partner who's more on the female side, switch roles so that you can experience your other side and help to balance them. If you're happy and fulfilled, then it's all working. But if you're straight, if you're stressed, you need to know biologically, your hormones are out of balance. Now, we know that when the amygdala says fight or flight, it sends a message to the memory part of the brain, which is called the hippocampus. The hippocampus then remembers all the bad things that have happened in the past and then projects them into the future. That then sends a message of danger, and that goes to the hypothalamus. And the hypothalamus. That's what we're working on today. The hypothalamus then triggers hormone production. And for women, when you're stressed, what gets produced is more testosterone. You feel, oh, I have to do it myself. And then your brain starts remembering all the times your partner disappointed you. And so your fear compounds. It goes, oh, no, he's not perfect. Oh, no, he's not perfect. And the brain starts looping on all the things he's done wrong, and nothing he does is okay. Now, we're going to get out of this, but I have to present the problem. This is real brain stuff going on. The next thing, this is amazing information. Once you understand it, then you go, oh, I've been going out the back door. I can go out the front door now. It's not that hard to change. It does take commitment. Like you said, this is a time to make your commitment. It's an opportunity to strengthen your relationship, your commitment to loving your partner. How to give my partner the love they need? Well, what's happening is you can't give your partner the love that you need unless you've got love in your heart. You can't feel deep love, healthy love. Now we got. This is the brain function. So right now, being in the home altogether at the stressful time, and the mind is going out as well, some people are, like, panicked, oh, my God, what's happening? And I hope I have time to mention, if you've lost somebody in your life, the important parts of the grieving process, because people are dying. And if you've lost someone or you know someone who's died, that can trigger. The solution here is, while you're home, if we have a new understanding of Men and women, and I know many people say, oh, we're not that different. We're not that different. We're pretty much the same. You know, if you're stress free and you're experiencing passion in your marriage, meaning that you feel that love and affection and energy, then you are pretty much the same. You see, for me, as a man, I have both female energy and masculine energy. And when they are in balance like they are right now, there is a flow, there is a heart opening, there is a creativity. But if I am stressed, if I am a man, always or almost always would say there are always little exceptions to everything. My estrogen is too high, my testosterone is too low. So what do I do? I without demanding any change from my partner, that's important, otherwise I'm complaining. Without demanding change from my partner, I find my balance. And for men, that means I must do something to increase my testosterone. And then the estrogen starts to come down and my heart opens. Now that's what men need to do. Now, for man, he doesn't have his work. He's used to going and solving problems at work. And solving problems with confidence stimulates testosterone. Solving problems with confidence stimulates testosterone. If we can't solve problems with confidence, then what we do to lower stress is we forget our problems. You see, one of the big differences between men and women is how we cope with stress. And for men, if I can't solve it, then I'll forget it. That's why we watch tv. That's why we want distractions. We play video games. I'm just gonna forget it. And women are always complaining, why does my husband forget stuff? Because we're designed as men to lower our stress by forgetting the problems we can't solve. Well, there's nothing I can do about it, so forget it. I'll just relax and watch tv. But that's a stress reducer for men. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Women, it means that's what he does to disconnect from feeling powerless when people lower, when men, often when a woman is upset, what do we say as men? We say, don't worry about it. We say, forget it. We say, there's nothing you can do about it. Why talk about it? What's the big deal? Why do we do that? Because that's what we need to do in order to cope with stress. Women need the opposite. That's the big thing here. But first of all, understanding that men need to back away from problems they can't solve and forget them. And that's basically what I have to do. There's a lot of things right now we can't control and we just have to accept it and go with it and label it like, well, that's a new challenge. We'll just face the challenge. We can still get through it. So men are going to need this time to disconnect. That's when you forget a problem, you're disconnecting. Disconnection is a stress builder. I mean a testosterone builder. Ok, Disconnecting, separating, being on your own, this builds testosterone. As long as you're solving problems or forgetting problems. Now, women need just the opposite. What produces estrogen is connection. She wants to connect more with you if she's stressed, she wants to spend more time with you. She wants to know what you're thinking, what you're feeling. She wants you to know what she's thinking, what she's feeling. She wants special time together, she wants eye contact, she wants affection, she wants help. She wants you to look at her and you're sitting there looking at the computer, doing some problem solving or some work and she feels ignored. You know, this was a big problem in my marriage a long time ago. I would be writing on the computer in the house, right? So there I am and writing you totally focused. So there I'm totally focused. I can't be interrupted. I'm totally focused. And she'd be in the next room doing something and she just have an idea to come talk to me and I like, whoa. I'd be like annoyed, irritated, real quick. I try not to be, but still it would be like a shock because I go so deep into my focus. It's like being in a quiet room and a loud noise happens and it takes a while to shift the focus if a man's really focused. So she sees me focus and she's over there in the other room and feeling completely ignored by me. Remember, for women, the big estrogen stimulator is see me, hear me and touch me in a non sexual way. All those things stimulate oxytocin, another hormone of affection, of caring and safety. Oxytocin helps to lower women's stress because it increases estrogen, reduces testosterone in women. Oxytocin. Now oxytocin, why would it do that? Oxytocin is the safety hormone. It says I feel safe now. Which a woman feels safe, then she feels I don't have to do it all myself. That's what testosterone is. So now she's over in estrogen land where she can feel safe, but Often women don't know what to do to then generate the estrogen, which I'm going to talk about today. Once you have this understanding, then it's very easy, at least with commitment and practice to put it into lifestyle. We have this great opportunity to look at this. It's right in our face. Because men are going to need to ignore their wives. You see, we're not out at work ignoring our wives so she doesn't feel ignored. Now we're at home and we've got to do the thing that makes us feel good, which is to forget problems or solve problems that don't cause stress. So see, like right now I'm solving a problem. This person keeps calling in. I know how to handle it, so it doesn't cause stress. Okay, so if there's a problem and I know how to handle it, then it doesn't cause stress. That could be playing a video game. It can also be watching the news or a movie where you get to imagine you're in that space. That's why men often like the TV or play on the video games. It's just sometimes they like it so much they don't stop. Okay? So it's like we have to know everything has to be in balance. So I go to my cave now, what I do in my cave besides sometimes watch the news to forget my problems, but not watch it all day. Just enough to forget my problems. These are other people's problems. You know, sometimes I'm in a men's, two men's groups and it's nice to hear my part, my friends problems because they're worse than mine. I feel pretty good. But also when you hear somebody's problems, you feel like you would have all this great advice for them. You know, it's so easy to solve problems when they're not yours. You know, I got great advice as part of why, you know, men like watching sports. Oh, you should do this, you should do that. We could give advice. And also, if we're watching sports, we imagine we're that guy running on the touchdown or hitting the goal in soccer or whatever. So we project ourselves out to forget what's going on inside. Now some people would say, oh, that's suppressing your emotions. No, it's not. It's rebuilding your testosterone. And when your testosterone goes up, then you don't need negative emotions. You see, when your testosterone is up, you have no negative emotions. You only have positive emotions if you're a man. When a woman has too much testosterone, she has negative emotions. Are no Emotion. When her estrogen goes up, then she starts having positive emotions. Positive emotions. So what we want to do is get back to that feeling of love. Men are going to need to find their space. Men are going to need to do things that don't involve her without her taking it personally. But I have a great riveting for this. And what women need is to be able to talk about feelings inside. So this is a time where everybody's sort of homebound. It's a time for looking inside and women can talk about their feelings. When you talk about your feelings, what happens is estrogen levels go up. You see, when a woman's in the workplace all day long, she has emotions. But you can't say all your emotions in the workplace. See, you can't say, oh, I don't like that person. I feel frustrated. You're not listening to me now. I feel so disappointed. This is, it's not safe, generally speaking, to express what you feel in the workplace or to say everything you wish or what you want or what you need. You know, workplaces, we're selfless and we're there to serve. It's more testosterone oriented. You, by the way, and what you're teaching is helping to create a workplace which serves both the feminine side of us and the masculine side of us. Because it's not like it's a therapy session for women, but it's a cooperative space. See, cooperation stimulates estrogen. We're doing this together. And within the realm of cooperation on your team or with your company, you can also be competing with other people or competing with yourself. Nothing wrong with competition as long as they're not pushing people down. So you have cooperation along with competition, particularly with yourself, or playful competition with others to do the best. That always feels good. No doubt about it. But we're supporting each other. There's this cooperation. So you, you're a master of all this, all that positive stuff you do. I love it, I love it, I love it. But that's not my focus right now on this talk. So. And I think you do that better than me because I don't have a big business and I'm not helping business owners, but I do help people improve their relationships so that they can bring that balance into the workplace.

So, John, let me ask you quickly, let me ask you a quick. I know that interrupted you there for a second. So now I'm sitting it. So I know you're going to bring this into perspective, but I want you to bring it in perspective from sitting at home, husband and wife, but also maybe related around kids. Our children are at home with us too. How do we, how are we behaving around our children? I mean, I've got two daughters, a 16 year old, 18 year old. You know, it's been super interesting for me. So I'd love you to bring this, bring it into a perspective there for us.

Oh, I would love to answer that and continue on. It's a perfect question. It will fit in perfectly. But I want to know, when you say living with your two teenage daughters and you say it's very interesting, Give me one example that's very interesting.

If you would, you know, super interesting in the sense that they've, they always had their own schedules, doing stuff out, doing gymnastics, you know, training, working, what have you. And now they're both at home and you know, some of the stuff like let's go and gets, go for a walk together. Dad, we don't, we don't normally do that. I'd say let's go do this together. Dad, we don't normally do that. So it's been super interesting watching them and it's super loving. It's a great environment. I don't think we've ever had a raised voice in our house because it's just not my style, you know, or Gabby's style. But it's really just embracing them for the art and slowly getting them to see that you can be different in this environment.

That's beautiful. Okay, now, now having said that, I'm going to address that, but other things as well. Something you said is that we don't yell. That's the most important thing. I want everybody here at home, do not yell at your partner. Every time you yell, you're raising your cortisol levels. You're going into imbalance. It's the worst communication skill other than violence. Violence is also communication. Violence is saying, you hurt me, I'm going to hurt you. Actually, that's the primitive reason for violence, is I want you to know how much you hurt me, then you'll stop. Okay, so violence is a weakest form of communication. Yelling is next to that. And when you are violent, aggressive or yelling, what happens is in a man, you have to know, measure the hormones. At that time, his estrogen is off the chart, the female hormone. So, so men, if you want to have masculinity, if you want to manage stress, do not yell. And if you're getting defensive, that's fight or flight. Arguing with your partner, know that the more you speak, the higher estrogen will Go up. That's why women will ask men questions. It's very important for women to avoid heated arguments. If you notice he's getting angry, don't ask him questions and don't talk anymore. Time out. Because once a man is angry, irritated, annoyed, he cannot hear what you're saying. And then when you don't feel heard, you don't feel safe. And now you're gonna pull out your sword and you're unable to connect with your loving feelings, your caring feelings. And you can't find those loving feelings if you're a man, if you can't take time out. And if you're a woman, if you can't talk to somebody, women need to talk about what they feel with somebody who can listen. And if what you're upset about is him, don't talk to him, period. Don't complain to him, don't try to change him, particularly at this time. This is the time to practice something new. It's an opportunity. Don't say anything to change him. See, that's the man you're becoming, the woman he knelt to you because when you fell in love with her, when he fell in love with you and knelt before you, the message he got was, gee, all I have to do is call her several times and she loves me. I take her on a date and she's so happy I don't have to change in order to get her to love me. And that's the message you gave him. And then you complain he's no longer that romantic man, but you're not giving him the message that he is purely lovable, just the way he is. So this is the time to practice. I'm not going to say anything to change him, but I can get what I need from him. So here we're looking at stress. So other things are stressing you out at this time. Your brain will go there. If it does, then go to your husband and say, I'd like to do a Venus talk. It will only take 10 minutes. It's not a big deal. It's not about you. I'm not asking for advice. Ok? You don't have to do anything. Just look at me, Colin. That's all I want. Just don't say anything. Don't speak, don't give me advice, don't tell me anything. I want to vent my feelings, even if they're unwarranted to the situation, even if they're exaggerated to the situation, even if it doesn't make any sense to you at all. Don't speak don't give me advice. Just look at me. And after I talk, it's only going to be 10 minutes, I promise you. We'll look at the clock. 10 minutes. I'm going to talk for a little while and at the very end, I'm going to talk about how. How happy I am in my life, how grateful I am, and how much I appreciate you. And then women, you go in for the hug and then quickly leave the room because every cell in his body is going to look at everything you said and give a solution. Because he doesn't know yet that the most powerful solution you can give to a woman when she's stressed is to listen selflessly to what she's saying. Selflessness means I'm not going to do anything except try to put myself in her situation and see the world. She does not give it, not change her, not change her in any way. Just like you men don't want your wife trying to improve you, change you, criticize you, complain to you to get you to do things differently. She doesn't want you to try to lift her out of her misery if that's what she's feeling. She's feeling frustrated or afraid or worried or concerned. Whatever, you know, whatever she's interested in. If it's negative, you're there. If it's positive, great. You rejoice in her happiness, but you don't say anything to help change her. Your steadiness, your presence, Your listening for 10 minutes is a huge estrogen boost because what she feels then is, oh my gosh, all those feelings that I carry around inside that I don't dare share with anybody. I could be naked with this man. I can share what I'm feeling, but not completely. Don't share any discontent about him. That doesn't work. I promise you if you stop. See, when you tell someone, oh, you know, you're just too lazy, you should do this. Or you forget to turn out the lights, or why don't you bathe more often? Any of those things. It sounds to a man like a complaint. And when you complain to a man what happens? His testosterone goes down. If you build his testosterone up, he has more to give and he will give more. Then what you can do once he's feeling good, then you can ask him to do things. You don't have to complain. You can say, oh, honey, I know you always turn out the light, but sometimes you forget. Would you try to remember? And then that's it. And then walk out of the room always. If you have a request don't stare him in the eyes like, when are you going to do it? Just let it be like a feather touch. Let him make the decision to do it. Let him think about it. Any stressful message will be forgotten by man. He just, oh, it doesn't land. But then when he does that thing you've asked, then you give a lot of appreciation for it. And you might be thinking, well, why do I have to appreciate him? You know, I do so much more than him. He should do that. Forget it. That doesn't work. Understand men are motivated by testosterone and reward for what you do is the testosterone producer. When you. That is called appreciation. When you don't try to change someone, you boost their testosterone. Now, for women, certainly we shouldn't try to change them. But understanding what she's going through without trying to change her makes her feel safe. She feels, oh, I can trust you. You see, when women go out into the world, they can't trust anybody to share what's inside. That's why we wear clothes. We don't want people to see us in all of our vulnerabilities. We put our recover ourselves. We have an attitude, we have a Persona. Want to be able to take that down almost completely. Except don't share things about him until you become an expert at sharing in a non trying to change way. So now we got. This is the practical stuff. So here's. We're finishing up soon. I know. So I want to give you some real practical. You got the foundation for this. How do you do this? All right. Women notice all the times you want to change him and stop. Just don't do it. Practice just not doing it. And at those times when you want to change him, you're feeling discontent in yourself. Do something that you would like to do. Do something that you enjoy doing. Or call a friend and talk about your discontent about your husband. Don't tell him. But with the intention to always come back to letting go of the negativity. Because when you, you see what happens when women feel negative. Their estrogen levels are low. If somebody, if she can speak out what she feels without having to edit, without being concerned that somebody's going to take it personally, without trying to change the person you're talking to, then it becomes just pure sharing and that produces the maximum estrogen. And then your heart opens. Let me give you a practical example of that for people who have never known that. I didn't know that. Most men don't know that. But for 10 years I was listening to women eight hours a day, complain about their husbands and they came in unhappy. And I became an expert at not solving any problems but asking questions. Here's the three questions I asked. I was a little bit more, had a little more finesse, but bottom line is help me understand that better. That's it. Because men are listening. What do you do? You know, you got to do something. What you're going to do is give her what she needs, which is interested listener, curious listener, present. Not trying to change anything, just being present. Curious listener says, help me understand that better, tell me more. And then what else? Help me understand that better, Tell me more, what else? Now you don't do it in that order every time, but that's the general theme of keeping you engaged because your instincts, if there's a fire, I got to put it out. My wife's unhappy about something, I got to explain to her it's not a big deal, don't worry about it. And the most powerful million dollar phrase you can use, Women. When you talk to the man about whatever is bothering you. And sometimes you'll forget my rule that I suggested and you'll complain about him, make it so he can hear you rather than resist you. All you have to do is say, john, this is not a big deal. I just want to tell you how I feel. But practice first talking about other things, just prefacing what is upsetting you. Because when you use the words you talked a lot about, using the words we use are very important. What we say out loud, we're telling to this three year old part of our brain that gets upset. The amygdala is like a little child, you know, and a little child, you say, oh, there's this, there's a bad, there's a, there's a. What is it? A ghost in your bedroom. That child will be afraid of falling asleep because you told them that or they saw it on tv. Oh my God, there's a ghost in my bedroom. It believes whatever you say. It's a three year old, it doesn't have the adult over here. So when you, when you say, when you get all upset, what you're saying to that little child, this is a big problem. You got to listen to me, you got to do something about it. There's urgency. So if you start, we want to share your feelings, which does produce estrogen, you say, now this is just a big deal. This is not a big deal. I just need you to listen and I know you'll take it in. That's it. Thanks for listening and go Go out of the room, let him digest it. Without feeling I have to change to get her love. All I have to do is hear her. Now, that's not all the time. You're having conversations and therapy sessions. But when I did this in my therapy class, in my therapy sessions by listening, these women who were literally stressed when they came in left happy. They left happy. And I looked at this, I said, nothing has changed in their life. I've not given them a new plan of action. And they're happy. And they come back with more love for their husbands and but a little more stressed. And I bring them through it. So this is like the dance of relationships. Women are like the weather. When they express their emotions. That clouds. It looks like a gloomy day, but the wind comes that you're listening, the clouds go away and the sun shines again. It's always there. You don't have to change her. You just have to let the clouds go by. And when the clouds go by, then she'll feel her love again. You don't have to tell her all the reasons why you're such a good guy. Don't tell her. That's called excuses. You should love me because I do this and this and this for you. That's the worst thing you can say. You're telling her she should change. You're also insulting her, saying you're a bad person for not loving me right now. Of course she doesn't always feel the sunshine. Nobody does all the time. And just as she doesn't want you trying to change her, women listen to me. He doesn't want you trying to change him. That's part of the dance. Now let's go into another practical solution. This one I love. This is what you do at home. For this time, it's like magic. It's a billion dollars. Okay, tell me, tell me more. It's not a big deal. Oh, when you can do that. So easy for men to listen. All of our defenses go down. Now the next one many their cave time. Don't take it personally. Women need to talk. Men be better listeners. Next thing right from in from Mars. Little things make a big difference. Little things make a big difference. Meaning when you walk into the room, if you're coming near her, stroke her hair, address her. What are you doing? Oh, let me help you with this. Include her in your awareness. Don't just walk into a room having not seen her for a while and not notice her. Women need to be seen, heard, touched, and don't touch her in a sexual way. Touch her in a non sexual way stimulates oxytocin. When oxytocin goes up, then her testosterone goes down, her estrogen goes high. And when estrogen goes really high, then her testosterone comes up as well to create desire for sex. Just tossing that one in. I know you don't want me to talk too much about that, but it's the women. For women to enjoy sex, their estrogen levels have to double. That's twice as high as with their children. That's twice as high if they're spending time with you. So you need lots of oxytocin. That's called foreplay. Is touch. Non goal oriented touch, not in a hurry, not rush, stroking, touching, kissing. This is like the non sexual part before you get into it. All right, so lots of little things outside the bedroom raise the estrogen. Everything you do as an act of love is one point of estrogen. So if you were to give her 50 roses and a man thinks, oh, that's 50, that's 50 points. I can relax for two months. Okay, no, 50 roses is one point of estrogen. One rose is one point of estrogen. So instead of focusing on the big stuff, although big stuff occasionally is good, it's nice. Lots of little things, affection, compliments, noticing, listening. Don't be in a hurry to say, what's the point? What do you want me to do about it? But ask another question. Help me understand this better. Every time you say, help me understand this better. That's the point. Every time you say, tell me more, that's a point. Now, why are this so important? Is when you go to work and make money, how many points do you get every day? You get one point and then you come home, you get one point. You're married, that's it, you're married. A point. You work, you point, you come home, or you call home if you're out of town, that's three points. Most men only get three points a day, whereas women, they're constantly doing lots of little things, building up the points and then they feel like, I'm giving more than him. I've got 50 points to his three. And now there's a new score, 47 to 0. He is at 0. And literally when she hits that point, she cannot, and this is real, she cannot remember any good thing you've ever done. She's in fight or flight, she can't remember. She looks at you like a real zero and she forgets all the good stuff you've done. So it takes a while to build that Estrogen back up by lots of little things that say, I care, I understand, and I respect you. Because, see, when you kneel before her and she fell in love with you, you're respecting her. And women today, as a cultural aspect, do not get the respect that they need. So many women are pushing to their male side to become like men, and certainly we want to be both masculine and feminine. No problem with that. But they go too far to their male side to get respect. Just like I watched a special once on a person in a poor neighborhood, why he wanted a gun. He said, because with a gun, I get respect. Okay, that's the wrong kind of respect that you have to, you know, make more money or be threatening. I'm going to get respect that way. Women need a new kind of respect. They also need the kind men get, which is getting paid well for your money, for your work. But also another kind of respect says, I honor your sensitivities, I honor your feelings, I honor your needs. I. I'm here to help you. I'm here to help you. When you respect someone, you help them, you serve them. So I'm setting this up for this wonderful technique you can do at home every night. This is really fun. Every night when the sun sets, you become. This is the man you become, the servant of your wife. Okay? You basically say, oh, sunset. She approaches him and says, we Will you be my servant tonight? This is playful. It's a game. It's a game. Remember, this is a game. We're going to play it. She says to him, will you be my servant tonight? Or you can be more playful and say, will you be my slave tonight? That may have negative connotations for some people. So will you be my servant tonight? Not, will you be my husband? No. You got to create a playful context. Will you be my servant tonight? And he says, yes, being your servant gives me great pleasure. Now, for the rest of the evening until you fall asleep, her job is to ask you to do things. Two ways to ask. Now, if she doesn't ask the right way, you still don't correct her. But the best way to ask is, would you wash the dishes? Would you help bring me a glass of tea? Would you make the bed before we get into the bed? It doesn't make sense, but actually it's nice to get into a bed that looks so neat. Would you bring me a glass of warm water? Would you take a shower? Would you give me a massage? Would you clean up the living room? Anything you can do in the evening? Would you do that so you now are her servant. And you can ask her. You can say, my dear, may I watch TV for an hour? And then she says, no, you can watch TV for 30 minutes. I don't want to spend more your time with me. Then you go, yes, doing what you say gives me pleasure. Okay, doing what you say gives me pleasure. I like to know what you want. It gives me pleasure to do things for you. Now, if you want her to do something for you, you can ask, may I watch TV for a little while? May I do this? And she has to assert herself and say, I want to do this for myself right now. You can do whatever you want, but whatever you do has to be the response to her request or command. Now, you can choose to do this every night or every other night. It doesn't matter. It's just some people like it so much, they want to do it every night. But every other night is really good. Now, what that does is gives her a huge dose of power. See, women feel powerless. That's why they're always trying to be like men, to be powerful. I can do this. I can do this. And, yes, that's good. But they need to feel the respect that women have lost in this world, and they're trying to get. We've lost it. So this gives her a sense of authority and power to get responsiveness. And it's a training to learn how to ask for help. See, when women are so independent, they can't ask for help, and now they have permission to play this game and ask for help. I mean, you could even go even further with this. I do this in some of my seminars where I say, we're gonna have lunch together and women are gonna ask men to feed them. Or women, you know, at home, you could ask literally. Now give me some mashed potatoes. Now give me. It's just to experience. I can ask and he will respond. I can ask and he will respond. It creates a safety that he really, truly does enjoy pleasing her and doing things for her. It's just he can't do it all the time. So the next day, he's done this in the night. The next day, she practices asking for nothing, asking for nothing, and no complaining. All complaining is also a hidden request for more. So it'd be so easy to do when you have your three hours in the evening or so being able to ask, you'll feel, oh, my gosh, this is amazing. He loves me. See, love is the answer. But women feel love when men respect them and men feel most loved when women don't want to change us. See, just to come home and know my wife accepts me and appreciates me just the way I am. But for women to truly appreciate a man, she needs to feel he does things directly for her. And particularly now, where you're not out in the world making money to support your family. She needs to experience more and more directness and being able to give her respond to her. So she maybe if she still makes dinner, if she's a. A woman that makes dinner and she says, dinner's ready. Jump, jump. Let's go have dinner. Let's go in there and have dinner. So that's. The technique is to play master slave, play boss and servant, whatever. You know, people might have certain reactions to some of this. You got to find a playful way to do it, and it's really, really so much fun. And you can add that fun to the bedroom if you like, which is in bed. She could tell you what she wants you to do. You don't get to decide. She tells you. And that's really good because most women don't communicate in the bedroom. Now you got a playful game. She gets used to asking for what she wants. And it can be a little command, but it can also be outside the bedroom. It's more like, would you do this? Would you do that? And he has to respond like, yes, I like to do this. As you wish. You know, one of the great shows that every couple can watch now is. Oh, my God, what's the name of it? It's. It's the. Oh, I can't remember. It's a very big comedy where. Where the guy always says to the woman, as you wish. As you wish. You know what I'm talking about?

The Princess Bride.

There you go. Thank you so much. The Princess Bride. Oh, what a great show. Because the star of the show.

I need to interrupt us here, John.

That's how he made this woman that was like spectacular fall in love with him. As you wish. But then in the movie, he has to go away to find his own value and meaning. And then he can come back. He can come back and rescue her. But first he has to go far away and come back. He has to fight some battles, overcome some challenges within himself and find his power again. And that means there'll be times where. As you wish.

But.

But then he becomes weak. Why does he become weak? Because he goes too far into surrendering himself to her. That's estrogen. Estrogen is surrendering. As you wish. I would do for you. So he goes too far into losing himself and he needs time to come back to himself. So Princess Bride is a great homework show as well.

Oh, beautiful. And thank you for being here. You know people, I see different comments in the chat window and what have you as well. John, I'm going to come to a couple of questions here. I know we go till about 12:15.

Here, of course, and I think we're going to need John Gray, round two. This has been an absolute sprint. It's amazing. And John, thank you for your energy. Thank you for your relationship acumen that you've brought to the call today. And the chat window has been by far the most entertaining today of all days. So absolutely love it. And I can't wait to watch this back with my wife. I love you, honey. This is going to be so much fun. And I'll get to a couple of questions now, John. So first of all, we have some folks on the call today that are in non traditional relationships and maybe the roles are reversed. So I'll give you an example where maybe we have the wife who's the breadwinner and the husband is a stay at home dad. So in that situation, in the traditional role in the family.

Yes, you know, and that's really what's happening. What will happen for couples who don't have this information now is will tend to go into a role reversal place because when women are stressed, they will tend to go to their masculine side. When men are not succeeding, they don't have a job, they're not making money, they're not productive, they will tend to go too far to their female side. And when men go to their female side, symptoms can be irritability, wanting to pull away or neediness. That's the other thing. We can go to the other side of needy, complaining and whining. So this is often the symptoms of role reversal. So what I suggest is when a woman is making testosterone all day, what builds testosterone in men is providing for women what they need. If I'm a fireman, I'm providing safety for you in your home, I'm protecting you, I'm solving your problem. What is the problem women have today if they're, if they are the main provider and the relationship doesn't have great sex, okay, Always. If everything's working for you, everything's working, then you're doing it right. But if you're finding the stress, the lack of communication, the irritability, all that, you know, we have the stress, she's out there working, her testosterone is going up or she's feeling a lot of stress and trying to solve the problem. So her stress levels are going up because her estrogen is not balanced. She's not enjoying and loving and. And feeling relaxed in what she does. Because enjoying and loving and getting to do something. Here's a signal. If a woman is too far on her male side, she feels, I have to do, I have to do when she's balanced or when she's on her female side, it's I get to do. I enjoy doing, I love doing. So not everybody gets to feel that now. I get to feel that right now. I love doing this, and I'm on my male side solving problems. But not everybody has that balance in their workplace. So when she comes home, she's been on her male side, she needs to come back to her female side. That's her need. A man can rebuild his testosterone by providing for that need. If he understands that she requires my help to come back to her female side, that's where she can. Then you can play. This game I did is a very powerful thing where she gets to be on her female side and say, I'd like you to do this for me. Would you do this for me? What you do that for? Only for a few hours. You can't do it all the time, but it gives her a feeling that she's getting the respect she needs. Also, the Venus talk I mentioned is very powerful tool for women to get back to their female side. And ironically, if a man is a good listener and he realizes that listening is the most powerful thing you can do to provide love and support for your partner, you have to know that then it boosts the testosterone. Otherwise, he thinks, why am I standing here doing nothing? I'm doing nothing. So he needs to boost his testosterone. But having said all that, he's going to also need to carve out time to do recreational things that he enjoys doing. He needs to prioritize doing what his partner needs. But he also has to create recreational activities away from the children where he's doing what he enjoys doing without relational oxytocin stimulating hormone. Because oxytocin is being produced all day long when you're loving your children, okay? And that lowers testosterone in men. So taking care of your children all day long can actually lower your testosterone. So you need to get out there, play basketball, play hockey, soccer, watch some action movies, play some video games, but not completely. And ultimately learn how to meditate. That's been my saving grace. I'm a big meditator. I've done it for 50 years, I teach it. That's a whole nother subject. But that means just quieting the mind and forgetting everything when you're good at it. So that's a technique that I do that I'm good at. So my testosterone goes way up as opposed to having it go down. Okay, that's a good answer.

Do we have time for one more?

One more. We'll take one. I just want to make a quick comment here. And. And we'll go to make a comment. Then we'll go to. The question is, you know, there's been so many people, John, it's so fascinating in the chat window. We'll have to get you back to do another show with us later. I mean, these shows were never planned. This is all just, you know, on the fly over the last three weeks. But one of the key things of how we take this into the workplace, most people at home right now, but how do we deal? Male and female, male on male, you know, what have you in the workplace and female on female, and what have you. So I'd love to get you back. We talk about that later. The chat window. And you said, I maybe we should come back and do a second. A second session next year, just racing up the chat window. So I'll talk to you about that afterwards. But, Andrew, give us one more question, please.

Of course. And I think by far the most common question we've had today, John, is around single people. And if they're not in a relationship and if they're at home alone right now, what can they do to balance their mood and get the appropriate levels of estrogen or testosterone or whatever it is that they need?

Okay, so when a man is single and he's alone, okay, and he's not working, his testosterone is going to go way down. He needs to feel a meaningful relationship where he's contributing to someone. So he has to find something in his life while he's stuck in his house and he's not going out to have a meaningful conversation with someone where he's helping. Meanwhile, women need to feel if they're alone in their house, their estrogen is going to go home. They feel I have to do everything myself. Now, this is like, if you're really isolated, you're in quarantine, you're not being with anybody, massive source of stress. Because women need to connect and men need to feel they're making a difference so the hormones will go out of balance and cause sickness. So we want to strengthen our immune system. Whenever you're having cortisol your immune system is shutting down, making you more vulnerable to sickness besides depression and anxiety and so forth. So we need to stimulate. So what we have is, what we have is the opportunity to do face time. So men should have friends who are women and teach them this. You know, you have to go to my books or whatever to learn if you need or listen, have, listen to this video. So women understand the context of why they need to share their emotions of what's going on inside of them. And, and the man he's going to see now right away, basically I'm just going to listen. I'm not going to try to fix anything. I'm really just trying to understand you better. Now, if she can't share her feelings, some women can't, then he can start by saying, okay, I'm going to set an example. I'm going to share some of my frustrations, some of my disappointments, some of my concerns just a little bit. Because sometimes women need the pump to be primed. Ok, prime the pump. That means you want the pump, the water to come up. You have to put a little water in and start pumping. So sometimes men have to reveal a little vulnerability. Then a woman will become way, way more vulnerable. Then if it's a friend, he can then say, and I relate to that and how I relate to it, and then express his feelings. But the priority here, he can pump, he can do a little priming, she shares more and then he can share and she listens to him. But most important, when he listens to her, he asks her, how does it feel when I listen to you? He needs to be trained. You see, we don't know our power as men. She needs to let him know. That really helps. It really feels good. And thank you. He should always make sure he's not sharing more feelings than her. He's not complaining about life and whatever, but he's sharing emotions. But only at a lesser level, because when you share emotions and you're a man, your estrogen goes too high. Women then start to feel like a mother. Their testosterone goes up, they feel responsible for you, and then their estrogen goes down. So this is like a tricky thing. So you're stuck in your house. What we have is FaceTime. We have communication. Like I'm talking with you, I'm making a difference. My testosterone is going up. They're doing my teaching thing. But if it was my wife, what I do is I listen and I know and she helps to tell me from time to time. This really helps. I feel better. I like to understood and it will work for a while. It doesn't work forever because women need to be touched. If you have a dog or a cat, that's really good because that will stimulate more oxytocin. One food to eat for women particularly is dates. Three dates a day, you know, little dates that will help produce oxytocin. Baths, hot baths, nice relaxing baths are good. You can do that alone. That produces oxytocin. Doing things that you enjoy doing. You have to take care of yourself. But sometimes to get out of the rut, to feel better, you need to vent what you feel with somebody that will listen. Now you can find another woman and do it. That's very good. Should do that. And men can call men and vent in frustration. What are you going through? What's the experience? You know, men just relate to each other. Relatedness is an estrogen stimulator. But once you're feeling a little better, if you talk to a woman, it actually increases testosterone more. And if a woman can share with a man, then it produces higher levels of estrogen than ever before because, and you know I'm talking to the gay people right now. You're a gay woman. Basically you're walking around going, all women understand me, but none of those men do. So you don't have to have a romantic relationship with a man. You can just have men and say, look, I want to talk to you about what I'm going through and have a man listen to you. Why is that important? Because often people feel that only my sex can understand what I go through. The other sex can't. So we're walking around feeling disconnected from half the world. So when a man listens to a woman, it takes it to a higher level. When a woman listens to shares with a man, it takes both of them to a higher level. What we need to remember is our job is never to make somebody happy. But that's their job. But we cannot make it worse. And then you can make them happier if you're in an intimate relationship.

Beautiful. John, you know what, I know that we're a little bit over, way over time here, but I want to ask you one key question, John, before we leave because I think we have a lot of them and people get to watch this video later. We have lots of family owned businesses, husbands and wives that own businesses together. We have a lot of that. And, and you know, I've seen in the chat window, I'm with same as Gabby and I, we're both at home, working at home right now and what have you, what's your, I mean all the advice you're given is just fantastic. I'm going to take absolutely take it home. And you know, Gabby's listening to the show too. So when I get home, I will definitely be listening. So the key thing for me, what's a key piece of advice of, you know, you're now maybe not in different offices, you might be stuck in your dining room together, right? Not say she's stuck. Stuck's a horrible word. But you coexisting in the for your business in a dining room together or living room or what have you, what would you advice would you give to family, husband and wife owned businesses or wife and wife or whatever might be.

Let's take the found real quickly foundation of my answer is let's just look at normal life. When she goes to her work and he goes to his work. When you come home from work, one of the challenges for couples, they both work is she wants to talk about her job and suddenly now he's going to be offering her solutions. And if they work in the same company, it's even worse. She's going to talk about her frustrations, disappointments, concerns, worries. And he wants to tell her, don't worry about it, I'll handle this, I can do this. Or have you tried calling so because that's what the workplace is. If you're in the workplace and somebody says, I can't get through this person, they're doing this and this and you're the boss, you're going to say, well, do this and this and this, or let me help you with this and this and this. The way about sharing and not put it out. And another, There's a fire, let's watch it, let's get warmed by it, you know, let it burn and feel good. You know, men have to learn to listen and not try to solve the problem. So actually if you're working together, you come home and if you work in the same company, it's harder, but you can still do it. If the woman is very clear, honey, I just want to talk about some of the problems in the workplace. I'm not looking for solutions. We're not problem solving. I want to just talk about some of the problems to help me get in touch with how it makes me feel so that you can understand my feelings and I will feel better. Because when you talk about, when you name an emotion, like I'm feeling frustrated or I'm concerned, as soon as you name an emotion, give words to it, you're using this part of the brain. All of your emotions are a three year old inside your brain. It's a three year old reacting in many unwarranted ways. I'm making a big deal out of this until you're able to hear it, if you can name it. That's why therapy is all about naming the emotion. And then if you have somebody who can relate to it, hear the emotion. So if my wife says, oh, the computer's not working, and she's frustrated about that, I can't relate to being that frustrated because I'll just fix it. But she says, I'm frustrated with the computer. I can relate to frustration. And in doing that, I'll start to notice within myself some frustrations I have in my life and feel better. I don't have to talk about it because I heard it in her. You see, we have in our brain mirror cells. If you're angry with me, I'll feel angry back automatically. If you're loving me, I feel love automatically. It's like you started out with COVID You said we need to raise our vibration. Who are our influencers? If your influencer has a high vibration, you'll have a high vibration. But we don't always feel perfect. And so when there's a negative vibration, if somebody can relate, that's called compassion. That elevates the negative vibration to a higher level. Because I'm feeling compassion, I'm empathizing, I'm relating. If I can relate, that means I'm connected to you. And the negativity just dissipates and suddenly the stress goes down. And we remember that life is wonderful, life is beautiful. Life has challenges, but we have solutions. You kind of live in that state. I get that. Not everybody does, which is why your classes are so great. High vibration is so, so important. So compassion is the key as well, is being able to empathize with people, not trying to take them out of their pain. But to be a real quick little example of that is my daughter, Lauren. You know, she's grown up. She teaches her own workshops online and all that stuff. But when she was a little girl, I used to help her with all her math homework because she thought she couldn't do it. By the time she got to college, she was the highest calculus student, A plus. She just needed a little more daddy's attention with that. So around eighth grade, I had to hire a tutor. I couldn't teach the math above that, but I hired a tutor. But right, right around that time, my brother was visiting who was an Expert in math. PhD in math. And so I said, oh, Uncle Robert's here. He'll help you with that problem. And she said, good. And she read the problem to Uncle Robert. And Uncle Robert smiled and he said, oh, that's easy. And then my daughter felt she was something inadequate in her, that she wasn't easy for her. And she hated him. She got mad at him. She said, I don't like Uncle Robert. Why? Because he said it was easy. It makes me feel like something's wrong with me if it's not easy. So so many times, men who are good problem solvers, when our wives are upset about something, we'll go, hey, don't worry about it. No big deal. Let's forget it. All you have to do is this and this and this and smile. That's an insult to the emotion of vulnerability as opposed to being present with it. And if the problem needs to be solved, that's called a mars talk. A mars talk is okay. We're not talking emotions, we're talking solutions. We're in business here. What are we going to do together? So when you work together, you come home, you really need time to leave the office. In the workplace, he should particularly. But if she's got the workplace inside of her, 10 minutes to talk about emotions and frustrations, but no problem solving. Human beings have learned that you cannot work all the time. You need to have a break from it. So he has to stop problem solving in the normal way. And he can, for 10 minutes, give her the attention, listen to her. And actually, when you listen without trying to solve problems, you produce more testosterone. Listening is penetrating. Penetration is masculine energy. As long as you know that I'm providing help. But the challenge here is that when you're helping, she'll keep going into more feelings. And you think, this isn't working. It will work because you're building the estrogen that will lower her stress. Then she'll remember how wonderful her life is. And that's what we have to do as human beings, because life is always problems. But in spite of those problems, we have to see all the opportunities for growth and challenge and transformation. And we have to hold both those things together as opposed to just looking at the negative. And we look at the negative when we are in fight or flight. We have no control over it. What we can do is control behaviors that will stimulate the hormones that will help us go into balance according to whether you are a man or a woman.

Beautiful, John. And just huge gratitude, John, for being here today. I think that, you know, I think we've never gone this long on a call and I always must be careful when I vibrate. I've got John Gray coming on and John's renowned for doing this, people, so we all know him, but he has a beautiful. I don't care how renowned he is. He's renowned as an amazing human being that loves to share this amazing information. So, John, thank you so much for being on the show today. Thank you for, from the bottom of my heart, just blessings to you, my friend and be safe. And I'll be in touch as well. We have to probably do a second show because I'm going to. My email's gone crazy already, so I'll have to chat to you about doing that. But definitely look forward to continuing our relationship and I just so appreciate you and appreciate everything you've done and thank you for sharing today while people at home in this situation and giving them some, even one or two little nuggets that can help their relationship at home. And even for myself, just immense gratitude. Thank you, my friend and thank you so much. Thank you for filling the questions and have a blessed day. John.