Dallas Bragg separates wanting to quit using from actual willingness to change. Wanting is emotion-driven and comfort-seeking; willingness is value-based and requires embracing discomfort. He walks through the difference between logic and heart, persona and identity, control and surrender.
So sometimes I've heard clients say, he, he didn't relapse on Saturday night, but I did. I must not want it bad enough. Here's where that is wrong. There's a big difference between wanting to stop using and being willing to do what it takes to stop using. So let's look at this. The difference between wanting to stop and willing to stop. Wanting to stop is based on emotion, which means it can go up, It can go down. It's not dependable. Willingness is value-based. Values are, are concrete. Values are a blueprint. If you stick to your values, they're the same all the time, no matter what external circumstances are happening. Wanting varies by the hour. You really want to, really don't want to at one point. The next hour you may really want to. Willingness is actually not a feeling, but an action. Willingness is an action to do the next thing. So when you don't, when you want to, you take the action by alerting your, your team or closing down the app, whatever that next action is. That's a willingness to do what it takes. Wanting is logical. Yeah, I want to stop using because it's the best thing for me, or I might lose my job, or I'm not supposed to use chemicals. That's logic. But willingness is heartfelt. When it comes from the heart, this is not who I am anymore. I'm willing to do what it takes to stop because this is not me. This is not my identity anymore. Wanting is a persona, meaning you can put a persona on to your friends, to your family, to your sponsor, to your coach, to your therapist. Yeah, I really want to stop. And then when you leave, when you're by yourself on a Friday night at 10 PM, that persona changes. Where willingness is an identity, that means authenticity. Authenticity—you are the same all the time. You're willing to do what it takes, no matter who's around, what time is it, and and what the circumstances are. Wanting is a comfort zone based, and willingness is uncomfortable. So anytime you feel uncomfortable, anytime you're asked to do something that feels hard, that's a willingness. That's an action. I'm willing to do. What doesn't feel easy. I'm willing to come out of my comfort zone. Wanting is control and willingness is surrender. Meaning wantingness, you can, you are trying to control your recovery and control your life and control yourself. Surrender means I'm willing to let go. I'm willing to let the process be the process. And so, because I know all things are working for my good. Wanting is lip service. Willingness is a visible change. Wanting is usually you're going to say you want to because that's what people want to hear. Willingness is a visible, tangible change in behavior. I hope this helps you. Tell me in the comments what you think.
