ADHD? AUDHD? Holiday's can be overwhelming

Good morning, everyone. It is Monday. Yes, yawns and all. I hope you have all of your caffeine and everything that you need to get yourself started the best way on a Monday morning. So this is a holiday week, and I know that we don't necessarily all think about that. But it is 4th of July, and many, many people have things that went on this weekend, things that will go on next weekend, fireworks, concerts, all kinds of things going on. And we were actually just talking with one of our other members, Rebecca, about the overwhelm of certain things and how much she loves fireworks and things like that, but she couldn't go to a concert. So Baida and I thought we'd talk about how the holidays can be overwhelming for us and how to help.

Yeah. So, okay, especially summertime holidays, and it could be any of the summertime holidays, but you're always going to be dealing with heat and light sensitivity if you are light sensitive. So I am a super huge fan of the, uh, of those personal fans, you know, and then There's some different things out on the market that you can use that help you regulate your temperature, that keep you cooler. But in a pinch, a cold bottle of water, and you pour some water on your wrists and like the back of your neck, can help you if you get too overheated. Because, okay, once you get overheated, everything else kind of goes out the window. Like emotional regulation goes Straight out the window, and this isn't just a neurodivergent thing. This is an everybody thing because if you ask a police officer or a teacher or anybody, like behavior incidences and domestic crimes, all that stuff go way way up in a heat wave because people just can't get cool and they get hot and they're grouchy and they're impatient. And then the light sensitivity, not just fireworks, but just being out in the sunny sunshine, you know, wear sunglasses, wear a hat. So those are the first 2, the easiest 2, I think.

So I'm going to— on the temperature regulation, because that is a big deal for all of us, um, really quick, easy tips that I learned living in an African jungle where it was always hot, always humid, All of these things. Whoa, I almost knocked over my laptop. Um, it was taking my shirt off and my bra and soaking them in water. Didn't have to be cold water, just soak them in water. And you want them not to just be damp, you want them wet. Put them back on. Yes, I'm talking wet t-shirt contest here.

I'm serious.

And if you only— if you feel a little self-conscious, just wet your bra. It's okay to just do your bra and wear a black shirt because then it doesn't see Like, don't wear a white t-shirt, people. Um, but doing that can actually bring down your core temperature pretty quickly, and it will dry and evaporate. And even if it's super humid out, it makes your body feel cooler. It is a huge— it, it really helps a ton. Um, I wore dresses and skirts and stuff a lot in Africa. Don't soak your bottom half. Don't soak your skirt or something like that. They tend to not stay on, and they feel gross and icky, even though they're doing the same thing. That just feels gross. Um, underwear also— soaking your underwear. Helps ladies. My husband— the men in our team said that that didn't really do anything for them, but it did for us. All of us women were like, that really helped. So that helps. Um, those cooling towels.

Yes, 100%.

Really helpful. But get the ones that are really thin and you could tie them on your wrist. They are a little bit stretchy so that you can get them on and off pretty easily and put more— put them on your wrist because Putting something on your wrist is cool, helps not just around your neck. I mean, the round your neck helps, and they make, and you have to know this because you have to be a biker to know this. They make headbands that are meant to soak to wear under your helmet, and they help keep you cool. You don't have to put a helmet on or a hat on. It helps. I love those headbands. Don't even need one anymore while wearing a helmet, and I still wear mine because it really, really helps keep me cool. So those are things that will help with that temperature regulation because. If you keep your body temperature regulated, your emotions will stay slightly more regulated too, even through all of these things. Because, and I don't care whether you're neurodivergent or not, if you have or not, you have a neurotypical husband who is antsy and getting antsy, get him all of those things too. They help.

Yep.

Um, the other thing, earplugs.

Get yourself earplugs. Yeah.

I don't care if it's fireworks or a family picnic or taking the kids to the splash park or to the water park or whatever. Get yourself earplugs.

Yeah.

You don't have to— I, I've been talking to a lot of people who are like, I'm not like you, I can't afford those fancy loop earplugs. You don't have to get fancy loop earplugs. Go to the dollar store and get a whole entire package of those foam earplugs.

They work.

Also, if you, if you're looking for something to seal off the noise a little bit more, go to Walmart and get swimmer's earplugs. They're the silicone ones. They will help block things out even more. You don't have to spend the $40 or whatever Loop earplugs are. You don't have to buy the expensive ones. There are a lot of alternatives. If you look on Amazon, you can find some cheaper alternatives meant for concerts and things like that too that will really, really help you. You don't have to buy the name brand things, people. I also have a—

okay, so this is like a farm girl Hack, right? So if you are having a barbecue and people are popping fireworks— because I don't know, like, everyone has different firework regulations. Like, out here in the middle of Oklahoma, unless we're under a fire, uh, warning, like, the people pop them everywhere.

Same.

And even, even when we're under a fire warning. So, okay, you get a kiddie pool and you fill it up with water. If you really want to do it, you could put ice in it. You know, it doesn't matter because it's not really for the swimming. If you get too hot, you can stick your feet in it. If someone gets burnt, you can stick a hand in it because, you know, ADHD kids and fireworks— someone is lighting a firecracker in their hand. So, uh, the kiddie pool full of water serves multiple things, right? But I like it for regulating temperature. And we also, um, had one that we would put ice in, like a big— a smaller dish for our animals too. So we'd put water and ice in because it gets hot for your animals too. So, um, so make sure that you just have lots of sensory things. Obviously you need an ice chest full of Cold water if you're not near a house where you can go in and get cold water. People get dehydrated too.

So my biggest tip is get that kiddie pool. We had a kiddie pool that we would fill with ice and salt and water, um, for cold drinks, and it keeps cold drinks cold a whole— it actually keeps it cold longer than the, uh, cooler does. So we use that, and people would stick their hands in it and stuff like that because the salt also sanitizes cuts and wounds and all of that. So Yep. Just tip there. The other thing I'm going to say is sunglasses.

Yes, so much.

Wear— even if you're not somebody who normally cares about wearing sunglasses, if you're going to be outside a long time, wear sunglasses, even if it's not mega, mega bright.

Yeah, I think— okay, so people are like, well, I mean, it's overwhelming. I don't know where to start. Start with your sensory issues first— heat, light, sound— and then you can move on to anything else. Because if you can manage at least one of those, it is going to cut your frustration and overwhelm down tremendously.

Um, baseball hats, obviously. I don't love baseball hats for somebody if, if you're heat sensitive, especially. I like those old-style golf old lady visors because the top of your head is open that way.

I got one. We— okay, when we went on our cruise this year, I got one, and I sunburn so freaking bad. It doesn't matter if I swam in an ocean full of sunscreen, I'm still gonna sunburn. So John got me one of these, like, it looks like a big bush hat, like it's Big, and it's not like a cowboy hat, it's just like big and shady. They sell them at a lot of like where their summer stuff is. And, um, I don't like to wear hats normally because it makes my head hot and I get— it's like a whole thing. But this one, because it was straw, it, uh, I was able to wear it and the hat itself did not overstimulate me and it put out a lot of shade.

That's awesome. I can't see, so I wear baseball hats a lot, like, because we have convertibles, so I have to wear a hat in the car because I can't handle my hair blowing in the wind for too long. It sends me over the edge. It just— I can't do it. But normally I don't like to wear hats or anything at all, but I do have really, really, really big, really dark sunglasses that have a wide bow on them so that it's really shading me a lot, and that helps a whole lot. One of the other things I'm gonna say is find your quiet space. If you're going to picnics, if you're doing family stuff, and most of us are the black sheep of the family and we have trouble with some, some family members, if not all of them, where's your quiet space? Bathrooms, closets.

Always.

Um, under the stairs. Find your quiet spot.

And people will— if you're in the bathroom, 9 times out of 10, people are not going to bother you as much because they're like, oh my gosh, they're in the bathroom. It's like universally known that you need privacy, and bathrooms are generally cooler than any other room in the house.

Yep. And while you're in the bathroom, run your hands and your wrists Under cool water, help cool yourself down.

Yeah, 100%.

Just find ways and find spaces for yourself because that's a really big deal for us. And understanding that safe food, safe drinks, take stuff with you. Even if you're going to a picnic and you were told to bring a bag of potato chips, bring all of your food with you. People, friends, family know that Danielle is always going to bring all of her food with her because I want my food. There are times I won't eat any of my safe food because there are things that I like there and it's all good and I'm happy. But there are times where food is not safe for me or everything is just a sensory experience or whatever it is, I take safe food. So my husband and I are going on a road trip and this is really popular in the summer. There's lots of road trips. So what do I pack on a road trip? And I know Vida and her family take lots of road trips too. For me, I take stress balls. And do you want to know why I take stress balls? Because they're amazing to put under my legs while I'm sitting in the car for too long.

Hmm.

And you're like, what does that have to do? I get sensory overwhelmed from my whole— the whole seat being on the back of my legs after a little while. Don't ask me why, don't know. But if I put stress balls underneath the back of my legs, one, it relaxes my muscles because I have EDS. I'm an EDS girly. Most of us have EDS and POTS and all of these things, and it relaxes all my muscles and gets rid of the sensory ick of those things. Don't ask me why, it works great. Um, all of my snack foods— I overpack snacks like you wouldn't believe on a road trip.

Yeah, I— well, okay, but here's the thing, right?

We—

okay, and I tell all my clients this, I used to tell my students this, everything else. You have to be prepared to accommodate yourself. And finding out that you have ADHD, that you have AuDHD, that you have any kind of neurodivergent tendency, whatever, is kind of like finding out that you have diabetes. Because, and this is why I say this, when you have diabetes, you have to learn how to regulate your blood sugar, and you have to keep track of it, and you have to be mindful of it. Maybe you have to carry snacks for yourself. Like, you have to do all these things for yourself to manage your body. Being neurodivergent is exactly the same. You have to do— you have to be very mindful. You have to start doing all of these things to manage your body. And I do not trust other people to have stuff for me, just like if I was diabetic, I would not trust other people to have snacks for me. for me. I would pack it for myself. So I pack safe food for myself. I teach my kids to pack safe food. So now when we go on road trips, I'm like, who's got the snack bag? And they'll— like, I give each of them the job. It just— it's random. Sometimes they'll pack water and snacks that are in— all the snacks obviously that we have at the house are safe foods. So any snacks from our house are fine. We know what are safe snacks at the gas station, you know, like what are different things. I make sure that we always stop for the bathroom. And one of our kind of— they like— I say these things and I just start like unintentionally repeating them. So like then they just are ingrained for my kids for like the rest of their life, ever and ever. And when we stop at the gas station, I'm like, does anybody need to pee? Like, no, no, no. And I'm like, does anyone want to try? Because, you know, if there's a bathroom— and they're like, yes, yes, you need to try because you never know where the next bathroom is going to be. And it's like, that's true, but it's also making sure that they are trying to be mindful of their body about using the bathroom. Because if you are a parent and you've raised neurodivergent children, they'll say, no, I don't have to go to the bathroom. And 5 minutes down the road, guess what? They have to go to the bathroom.

Every time. So my husband is very— my husband is autistic. So my husband is very one-track mind, neurodivergent. He will drive 30 hours straight if he could, if there was enough gas in the car, he would not stop to go to the bathroom. Bathroom. He would not eat. He would not drink anything. He is one-track mind and that's all we're doing. So I am the, I gotta go to the bathroom. I gotta go to the bathroom. Every 2 hours we stop.

Absolutely.

And every 2 hours I stop, we go to the bathroom and we move around, we stretch. Uh, I've been known to embarrass the hell out of somebody by dancing to whatever music is playing around me or whatever. Um, We used to play softball and like play catch when my son was younger and get something to eat.

Right.

Every 2 hours there's eating something, there's taking a drink, there's doing all— because my husband would never stop and not do these things otherwise. So we do that. And now we switch, we switch drivers every 2 hours. We switch drivers back and forth, which is— that getting my husband to do that was a huge deal.

Okay, because I'm still working on that one.

One-track mind.

Oh, I'm still working on that one. But luckily, John loves, uh, fountain drinks. So with the ice and everything, he really likes— so I've never had a problem getting him to stop. I just incorporated the whole, like, everyone's gotta pee. And of course, on a road trip, everyone has to go inside because who knows what kind of random stuff you're going to find. In a gas station. And if you have never experienced this, okay, Danielle and I and another friend went to the CHAD conference in Baltimore and we road tripped it. And on the way back, it was hilarious because every random gas station, everything— we did the same thing. You have to stop for a drink, you have to stop to pee. We were being very responsible. And then we would go inside and be like, Look, poop candy, you know, look, stress balls that are like skulls. We were like little kids when we got in there.

We bought backpacks. Somebody bought a raccoon backpack. Somebody— yeah, I bought a huge keychain bracelet thing that's like my sensory toy of choice now. T-shirts, Like, I mean, and even if you're not buying anything, so even if you cannot afford to buy all of these snacks and do all of these things, there's another reason to pack your snacks with you. It's a whole lot more economical to take all your own snacks.

Oh, 100%.

Whole lot more economical. But still get out and go look and see what the strange things are in through the states and cities and towns and, and all of that you're going through. We picked up pamphlets to places that we never planned on visiting, right? At visitor centers, at the gas, uh, bathroom breaks. I mean, find something to do, find something interesting to look at, to talk about, to move around, to give yourself a break from the car.

And what we do when we don't have the money for stuff, I taught my kids to take pictures of things. So it is the neurodivergent tendency to take pictures and screenshots of everything that you'll never look at again. However, if you don't have money, you can take a picture of it and it kind of gives you a low dose of dopamine because You have this feeling like, well, I may be able to go back and look for it.

I'll go back and get that later, or I'll find it online even cheaper, which is another dopamine hit, is looking for it cheaper online somewhere else. Um, and we did that. There, there were a bunch of like sensory toys that we all kept each other from getting somewhere. And I can't remember where, but I have a picture on my phone and I actually ordered them at one point. And now I have them in my office because they were like, I want those. It was like $27 at a gas station. I'm like, no, not $27. And I found them for $7 on Amazon, just so you know. So just, there are ways to have a whole lot of fun being neurodivergent without that. I mean, my husband and I will find a comedy podcast to listen to. We will— we, we are currently putting together a road trip set playlist right now because I have Spotify and we'll play because we have XM satellite in our cars, and that gets boring after like the first hour because you start hearing the same songs. And I don't care what radio station— XM, regular radio, whatever. Um, so we put together a playlist, and we've got like 300 songs on this playlist at this point. We're never going to hear the same song twice. And we're adding songs constantly to this, and we'll find— we'll hear like a little bit of something before a YouTube video and add it. We should add that to the playlist. It's like a constant thing, and we get dopamine for a whole entire like weeks before we go on a road trip Mm-hmm. But find ways to have fun and make this not a stressful thing for yourself because I think we— some of us, me, will get so stuck in the planning and worrying about every eventuality that we don't have fun with it. So have fun with these things. And if the idea of a road trip is sensory hell because you've got young children and they're going to be loud and all of that, I will tell you one of the best investments I ever made was— my son was tiny. We bought the cheapest DVD player for the car.

Yes, absolutely.

That was the best thing ever. So buy your kid the cheap tablet, the DVD player, an old cell phone that you download movies onto, and they could just have the cell phone with their own headphones. I will tell you that even if you are broke and have no money, find a way To keep your child entertained in the car because you're a nerd. You as the neurodivergent adult needs a break from your kids.

150,000%. Because this is what— okay, all kids do this, but neurodivergent kids do it to like a massive degree. They're going to ask questions about everything. And when they get tired, they're going to ask more and the questions are going to get weirder. Right? So when my kids get tired, they're like, do you think raccoons like have parties together in the middle of the night when they're at treasure? Like, it'll be stuff like that. And I'm like, I'll look at them, I don't even have to say it anymore, and my daughter will be like, I'm not tired. Like, that sounds like something someone who is tired would say.

That's just funny. But yes, that's absolutely true. And my husband and I will have random conversations. We love road trips. Like, we're major road trip people. We live 1,000 miles away from family. And so we take that road trip once a year and we try to take different routes and do different things. Eat something local every place that you drive through if you can afford it. If you can't—

Yeah.

Find something weird local to go do. Like, I went by the National Peanut Hall of World's Biggest Peanut Thing and I took a picture of the peanut. The world's biggest yarn. I mean, even if you only take a picture of the sign, have fun. And do this with your— teach your kids to have fun because as somebody who now has the adult child, it's— he does it. He's teaching his wife these things because things like that were torture to her and now she can't wait to do these things. But be neurodivergent. Don't try to overcomplicate things. Don't try to squash your neurodivergent tendencies because you just got to get to wherever you're going. Have fun.

Have so much fun. Like, you're an adult now. No one can stop you from having fun.

If The family thing that you're heading to and you're taking a road trip to is super, super stressful, have even more fun on the way there. Get rid of your anxiety and your stress through dopamine as much as possible. And really make sure that you're taking care of your— not just your family, because especially if you're a mom, wife, whatever, we tend to remember everybody else's needs and forget our own. Remember your own sensory needs. Remember your sound needs, your touch needs, your— wear the comfy clothing. Don't wear the cute Fourth of July t-shirt just because it was a cute t-shirt if it drives you nuts that your mom bought you.

Yeah.

Yes, I'm 40-something years old and my mother and somebody would buy me something and I would hate wearing it, but I would wear it because they want me— change into it when you get there.

Right.

Be comfortable. Do and accommodate for yourself, not just your kids, not just your husband, not just your family's feelings or whatever it is. Accommodate you. And this is a fun topic, talking about holidays, being overwhelmed, road trips, all of the fun you can have. But I want you to hear what I just said again. Accommodate you. You are number one because if you can accommodate yourself and create more peace, well-being, and less frustration for yourself, you're going to be able to handle everybody else's BS.

So much, so much, so much.

And I don't care if it's your melting down mother because you don't have the job that she wants, or the family, or the children, or the dog, or the wearing the right clothes, or have the right purse or shoes on. Whatever is the thing, you're going to deal with somebody else's BS.

Yeah, and but there's a thing. So holidays, road trips, summertime, everything— start with your sensory needs and work your way out. And you have to manage your own first. If you have kids with you, yes, you need to manage them because that's going to, that's going to save your sanity in the long run. But manage yourself first, and you will find that managing yours As you manage yours, it's very easy to help other people manage theirs. It's like, Mommy, why are you doing that? Like, well, Mommy gets really hot, so I'm pouring cold water on my wrist. Well, I want water on my wrist, you know. And so it helps.

Give yourself permission to live neurodivergent out loud. Neurodivergent out loud means taking care of your own needs. It means being yourself, and being yourself means taking care of yourself and taking care of your needs, whatever those are. I hope you guys have I hope you have an amazing holiday week. I hope you get some time off. I hope you find something to have crazy fun with. And I hope that you're really having fun being yourself and being ND out loud. Have an amazing one.

Bye, guys.

Bye-bye.