Are you stuck in the rut?#adhdmanagement #selfcare

Hello, hello, hello everyone. I hope everyone's having an amazing day today. So we had a topic picked out for this week, but after our masterminds like an hour ago now, I think it's necessary to have a very different conversation. Everybody seems to be in a rut this week. Everybody just seems to be stuck in the stuck. They're stuck in the stuck. Because I've talked to somebody who's stuck in just emotional overwhelm. I've talked to somebody else who is stuck in the possibilities of possibly getting a client, but terrified of getting a client. I've got somebody else who's stuck in the, the thing that they started is not working the way that they want. And even though they've got leads, they're not happy with, it's not the thing that they wanted. It seems like everybody has a thing that they're just Stuck in, and there's no reason to be stuck because that's why we're here. We're here to support you so you don't get stuck. So one of the big parts of that is self-care. That seems to be something we come back to all the time. So Laura says, right, stuck in the muck, a muck, a muck, a muck of emotions. So she has chaos, which is normal. We have chaos and getting stuck in that chaos mode. So self-care, this was such a big thing for me to learn what self-care actually looked like. Because I automatically thought, well, self-care is getting a massage. Self-care is getting a manicure. Self-care is getting a pedicure. Self-care is making an appointment to do XYZ and going here and going there and doing and doing and doing and not actually taking care of myself. My self-care can literally mean sitting on the couch and binge watching something on Netflix, which is not something I've ever done until the last year or so. Self-care can look like me picking up a book that has nothing to do with business. Which is also a very big deal for me. And just relaxing and reading for fun. Self-care can literally mean sitting on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate and staring into space. Which is also something I've never allowed myself to do. Yeah. Those things I look at are self-maintenance, not self-care. They're part of my maintenance of myself. So Jessica asks, how do you do those things without the negative internal monologue? The, God, what are you doing? Don't you know all of the stuff? You're just sitting here and reading. Get up, go do stuff. Oh my gosh. That was Jessica. I was gonna ask that. So some of the things that you need to always remember when it comes to self-care is sometimes self-care is doing things for your future self, to take care of your future self. So my bestie Gina, her version of self-care is she loves her planning time. Her planning time is her self-care, which I always looked at her and went, no, that's a task to do. She goes, no, when I plan all of the things out and get everything out of my head, I can then sit Quietly and play with stickers and color and relax. Get out of my head is self-care for future me. I'm self-caring now by getting things out of my head so my head is quieter. I'm then getting to play and craft and do the thing, but then I am creating self-care for future me so that future me does not get stuck in decision fatigue. Future me does not get stuck in overwhelm. Future me knows what the fuck I'm doing and can do it. Without trying to panic of, oh, I never did that. Oh, I forgot about that. Oh, I know I'm gonna forget about that. Getting it all out of your head. So Kimberly said self-maintenance versus self-care. I love having that separate designation. I never felt like certain things were restorative care because it was normal maintenance to feel like me. Oh, I'm glad. I'm glad that really helped. Using the bathroom, even using the bathroom as a work task, deleting emails, answering emails, writing Facebook posts, all of those are work tasks. Jessica, sometimes I feel like I might get paid to do for my self-care, like I I'm sitting here snuggling a 10-month-old kitten right now, but like, that's work. But not— you get to love your job. It's okay for your job to be amazing and for you to love every second of it. And then the admin tasks are the things that are the crappy part of your job. That's still not self-care. No, I think that is dopamine hacking. I mean, you're definitely hacking your dopamine there, cuddling a kitten, 10-month-old kitten. And now I'm really jealous because My puppy is with my husband and ignoring me today. He doesn't like me. I'm annoying or something. What are your self-care things? What are things that you do for self-care? And Jessica, I'm not gonna argue. She just said, oh my God, I hate admin tasks. Yeah, we all do. Nicole said crocheting, coloring, chiropractor. I also brain dump and journal in the morning. See, brain dumping and journaling, Gina taught me. I always looked at that as a task I had to do every day, and I love planning. So like planning is a thing for me, but it's still, I never looked at it as self-care until she said that. I'm like, oh yeah. Because I am getting out of my head. I am getting everything ready. So some of the things to be able to sit down and do self-care and binge watch a TV show or read a book is to get everything outta your head. Like stop thinking about all of the things. And if you have things that you're thinking about all of the time while you're trying to do self-care, write them down, get them outta your head. Just get that outta your head. And I tell everybody that for planning anyway, get things outta your head. Your head is not for remembering things. But when your head is like swimming with all of these things, sometimes just getting them outta your head, it is a really good thing in order order to be able to relax too. The things to remember is a good portion of self-care tasks also bring in dopamine, people. Things for me that are self-care and dopamine hacking is I like to play video games. Video games really is a relaxation thing for me. I get a big dopamine hit. So I've got a couple that I choose on my phone to make it really easy for me to do that throughout the day. Reading a book, watching a TV show, and again, not a business book. In here is all my business stuff. I have all of my fun, my mysteries, all my novels and stuff in my bedroom, and I have a couch and I have a little reading nook in my bedroom so that I am, again, I have a lock on my door to keep me outta my office because I need to take that full-on break and get out of my workspace. Otherwise I'm living here. So repetitive motion for some people is a really big deal. Fidget toys, that can be self-care, believe it or not. I've pulled this thing apart so many times now it doesn't stay together anymore. But what are things that you can do to take care of yourself throughout the day? Now I'm gonna bring this into dopamine hacking. So what is dopamine? Dopamine is the thing that gives you motivation. It's the thing that creates energy, and it's the thing that helps your brain work correctly. What's the thing that we're always out of? Dopamine. Yep. And there are dopamine traps and there are unhealthy ways to search for dopamine. And I will tell you that this right here, Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, all of those things. Are really, really bad versions of dopamine for you. Why? Because they are quick hits that are a major high, but you wanna know what major highs have? Major crashes. So I'm going to start encouraging you to find things to do that don't require picking up this phone to create dopamine for yourself. Now, I just said I like to play video games and I have some video games on my phone. I also have them on my computer and I have a video game system in my living room that I play. Find ways to get away from the thing that you're also working on. The reason for that is it gets harder to work on the thing that you're also seeking for dopamine on. Mm-hmm. And you're more likely to get stuck in the doom scrolling on Facebook and Instagram and TikTok and all of that instead of working. And it makes actually doing your designated things that you need to do for your business that much harder. Aria, I get stuck in dopamine traps, like chasing the dopamine of Facebook all day instead of actually doing anything helpful for future me. Yep. And that's those dopamine highs and those dopamine lows that I just talked about. So sandwiches. You all have heard me talk about sandwiches. If you're new here and you haven't, type in sandwich into the search bar, find the sandwich video. I'm wearing a white and Great. Go watch it. I'm not going to explain what sandwich is, but there's a reason why you will notice that the in-between pieces for dopamine, every single one of them is a physical action celebrating getting the task done. Go get up, walk around, take a walk, hug a dog, pet a kitty, get some coffee, sweep your floors, do some laundry. Believe it or not, even those tasks— and you're like, but that's a home task and a work task, and if I do that, I'm going to get distracted. No, getting up and physically doing something, you're going to create dopamine for yourself just by getting up and physical. You're like, well, this is boring and this isn't fun. And I'm— dopamine is fun and I want to do fun things for dopamine. But Laura, can I have a ham and Swiss with mayo, please? Have you gotten any tasks done and celebrated them yet? And then maybe we could talk about an actual sandwich there, Laura. So what are you doing to celebrate yourself? Giving your brain a break from staring at a screen or a work task every 30 to 45 minutes is giving you dopamine. Is giving you more energy. It is giving you the way to get stuck out of the stuckness. I see so many people stuck this week so far, and it's only Tuesday. So what are you doing to get unstuck? How are you going to create a space for you to get unstuck? Sandwich. Create sandwiches. I swear to you, creating a sandwich, and not a ham and Swiss, creating a sandwich with your tasks is going to help you get that much more done. So how can not creating structure systems, the consistency, again, well, y'all, you notice We come back to that a whole lot, but how does not having those things in place affect your self-care and getting stuck? How does all of those things create self-sabotage? How can self-care, how can not having self-care and not creating structure and consistency be a form of self-sabotage? Why is that self-sabotage, Aria? Because the chaos of life is the perfect excuse to not move forward on anything besides survival tasks. So familiarity. Change is scary. Change is terrifying. I have been in chaos mode for so long that it's almost more comfortable than peace. Is that valid? Hell yeah. I've been spending chaos mode for so long that it is almost more comfortable than peace. Aria says, setting a goal slash timeline and then subconsciously giving up before I've seen what I can do because I'm so used to failing my goals in the past. So Jessica says, I don't actually know what I really want. Over the next 7 days, what is it that you actually What do you want to experience? Every— I wanna be able to sit calmly in peace and then also be able to get in flow, in a flow state for productivity. You can do that. Show up to a body doubling session. Every single person that shows up to those sessions gets into a flow. It may take them a few times to be able to do that, but they get into a flow. So again, we come back to this and we say this all the time. Consistency is your key to Getting outta overwhelm, getting out of all of the things, the shame, the guilt. It's that consistency. And what the consistency is in is consistency in setting yourself up for success. Jessica says, this is basic foundation of dog training. Find out what you don't want the dog to do, jumping on visitors, and teach them what you want them to do instead. Sit politely, go to, et cetera. Yeah. You can't change a bad habit and not change a bad habit. You have to replace it with a good one. And you're like, but that's changing the bad one. No, you can't change the habit. If you're always throwing that on the counter, you're not gonna change that bad habit because your body's gonna just automatically do that. You're gonna be fighting against it and fighting against it creates emotional overwhelm. It causes dysregulation, it causes frustration, it causes shame. But if you're going to, oh, when I open my candy bar, I'm gonna stand next to the garbage can and throw the candy bar wrapper away immediately. Yeah. That's a different thing. You're creating a new thing to do. Jessica says, note to self, treat myself more like I treat my dogs. Never yell. Lots of love and snuggles. Focus on the good behaviors. Baby step any changes. That's the perfect ending to our video. Have an amazing day and we will be back to discuss this via Q&A on Thursday. So if you want some free coaching, if you have a lot of questions around this, ask them below this video or come Thursday live and we will answer them all. Bye.