Chronic Illness and ADHD

Hello, hello, it's Danielle and Britt coming to you talking about chronic illness and ADHD. And we are both women who deal with chronic illness and ADHD.

So it's perfect. We're having fun.

Yeah, something like that. Let's explain a little bit about our own chronic illnesses for those that may not know. So why don't you go first?

This is fun, fun, fun. So I have a condition called hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. It is a genetic tissue— genetic, it is genetic. They actually just discovered the genes for the hypermobile, I guess, type. So Ehlers-Danlos syndrome itself has many types. I have the hypermobile type. What this means is that my connective tissue, which is all throughout your body, um, is loose. So kind of think of where you would want like a really taut rubber band. Mine is like a sad droopy rubber band.

Mm-hmm.

Um, and this affects all of my Bodily systems. And if anybody has specific questions, I'm happy to answer them, but otherwise I could just talk.

So I'm a chronic illness girly who up until 3 months ago had 80 different diagnoses. I don't really know how long my, my diagnosis file is like Boxes full because I've spent 20-plus years trying to figure out what's wrong. And I've had leukemia, um, because I have mast cell activation. So I had leukemia, but it wasn't the same as normal mast cell people got. So there was a lot of questions and a lot of stuff that I had to do. And I have myocarditis because of COVID long COVID. And it was still wasn't answering all the questions. So many issues, sick all the time, all of that. And finally— After going through leukemia and treatment and all of those things that I have gone through, coming off all the medications, it finally started unmasking all kinds of other symptoms and all kinds of things. I also have Ehlers-Danlos. I have POTS and I have MS. And MS, now that I've hit menopause, is not fun. I'm being nice. I actually have gone from being— I've never been a super active person because I'm extremely uncoordinated, but didn't realize that my uncoordination was probably due to MS and Ehlers-Danlos until recently, because I have been extremely uncoordinated since I hit puberty. And now that they're looking back at my files, they're going, oh, you probably had MS back here way Way, way, way back. And of course, there's no one test for everything. And all of that is true for Ehlers-Danlos, POTS, MS, Parkinson's, all kinds of stuff. So I am learning to navigate worlds in a very new way, including I have a walker and a cane and about to get a powered wheelchair because there are just days that I can't function. And I can't walk more than 4 or 5 steps and all of those things. So learning to navigate all of these new things with ADHD adds this whole other level of executive function issues, mostly.

I'll add, for those of us with EDS and other conditions that affect coordination. You know, the ADHD also plays a nice little role in that, as people with ADHD tend to have worse proprioception. If you're unfamiliar with the term proprioception, just awareness of where your body is in space. So when you have ADHD plus other conditions like MS, like EDS, your body's ability to figure out like where it is Is, is non-existent.

So like, um, so I recently went to the CHAD conference and I took my walker. I'm like, I can do this with the walker, that's totally fine, and I will have plenty of energy because I don't have to carry anything because I could sit on the walker and this will be great and I won't be tired and I will be able to do everything. Okay, so I fell over twice while I was there.

Oh no!

Um, luckily Not in front of anybody. It happened in the elevator once and it happened in my room another time. So that's good. Thankfully.

And I fall in front of other people all the time.

I know, I trip over my own feet all the time. That's a normal thing. And I realized after 3 days I wasn't eating food. Why wasn't I eating food? Because it required me leaving the hotel or walking around a ton to get food. So I just didn't eat. Because that's an executive function issue that was just way too much for me. And then I didn't feel good. Because imagine not eating food makes you feel worse.

What a concept.

So yeah, I have to learn to navigate life a little bit better. But power wheelchair is going to be part of that for me so that I don't get exhausted thinking about other things. Yeah, so there's joys and then there's days of pain that you can't— you just can't function through.

Yeah.

I know that you and I last week, we didn't go live because we were both like, couldn't do it. So what happens for you dopamine-wise when you're having a high pain day?

I feel like it just crashes. I feel very— not only is pain uncomfortable, I think almost everybody can relate to that. But it's, it's when you're talking about chronic pain, it can easily turn into a very overwhelming sensory experience. Um, so if it's a really bad day, I just— it's like no dopamine, nothing's getting done. It's the, the brain fog from illness coincides with brain fog from ADHD, and it's just like, good luck. Um, or Or on a mild pain day, I know I need to logically— my logic brain says, yes, your body needs rest. But then the other part of my brain says, okay, but now you're super understimulated because all you're doing is resting. Um, go find all the dopamine now.

Mm-hmm.

The hunt for dopamine. Those are my two, like—

Yeah, I have the same thing. I feel like when I'm having a bad day, there's no dopamine to even find, and no amount of the things that normally give me dopamine helped. Like, there's no amount of when my pain is high for dopamine to be found. So I've learned to— one, and when my dopamine is low, my brain just doesn't Yeah. Like, it's not just about being happy or joyful or motivated. It's also about full-on brain function. It's like the brain fog is at the ultimate high worst point that it can be when I'm like that. And coaching and thought processes and planning or writing or, or, or speaking, um, can be really, really difficult. So I go to bare minimums on those days for work. And bare minimum for me might be I may reschedule clients that take a lot, that I'm newer in the journey with them. And I have to put a lot of process and thought into coaching calls with them.

Mm-hmm.

Now, some of my clients, I do have clients that I meet with on bad days because they get it and they understand. And it is And I actually had a client, and the only reason why I do this is I had a client say to me once, why don't you meet with me on a bad day when you're having a bad day? And I said, well, I want to give you the best of me. She's like, but I need to see the worst of you too, so that I understand it's okay to be at my worst.

Powerful.

Which that hit me hard that we as ADHD coaches need to show the range of where we are and how we're functioning to our clients. Now, again, I don't do that with a client that needs the best of me at all times. But yeah, clients don't always need the best of us.

They need us.

They just need us.

Yep. Um, yeah, I think I would agree. That's really important. And it's one of the reasons not only as someone with ADHD, but as someone with chronic illness, I have started being more bold about my accommodations. So whether that looks like— Like, I'll tell my clients, like, hey, I'm, I'm just like doodling scribbles over here. So I'm retaining what you're saying, like, just know that I'm listening and they know. Or like, I have all my fidget toys in front of me. So if that means like fidgeting while I listen to them, it also looks like having my heating pad out, admitting that like, Yeah. Pop up, I'm wearing, uh, like a real shirt, but like I'm wearing pajamas because my body hurts. I'm like, the idea of putting on real pants sounds really painful and exhausting. I'm like, I should have— I have like a massage pillow. Um, so one of the things that's really common with EDS is a lot of like muscle tension. So I showed up for a couple sessions last week with just like, you could see my heated massage pillow going, but it was like, oh my God, I can finally like think because I'm not so tense that I'm just staring at my clients like, yeah, whatever you said.

My clients know that if I'm not in, if this background is not the background they see, that I'm having a bad pain day because I will work from My, my, I have a reading nook in my bedroom with a cozy, like, polar fleece cover. Like, it's got velvet couch with polar fleece blankets and a heating pad that I can sit on, and a little desk that pulls up to my couch, and I can lay on the couch and, and do my thing. And clients will know, oh no, Danielle's having a bad day because she's at the— in another spot, because otherwise I'm at my desk. Mm-hmm. Because I have a 50-inch monitor and I like my 50-inch monitor and I don't want to just work on my laptop screen. But there are days that I have to accommodate the pain levels however that needs. It might be sitting on the couch. I worked from the back deck because I just need to change my location, change my temperature depending on how I'm functioning. And that can help a lot. Though you will not catch me outside this time of year because cold. Because Because that also causes me issues. If I'm cold, I can't function.

Oh, cold is the worst. I know, um, with MS, temperature changes are a different experience, uh, so I cannot speak to that. But if it— if, if the temperature changes rapidly or the, um, barometric pressure changes rapidly, get out.

Barometric?

You know when it's gonna rain before it Oh yeah, absolutely.

I know it's gonna rain way before it does. I know if the weather is changing. I know if we're going to get tornado weather before it happens because I can feel it.

Oh.

Which is, is helpful living in the South.

Yeah, no kidding. But also not fun.

No. Um, but just understanding that there's a lot of accommodations that we have to give ourselves. And sometimes my accommodation is, um, I want to leave the house, but I can't handle carrying a purse because carrying a purse is either sensory overwhelm or the weight of it is just too much for my back and my shoulders, whatever. I tend to carry backpacks, like small backpacks, because they are a lot less fatiguing to my body.

Yeah.

But there are days that I have a phone strap that goes across my body and it carries my phone And a little tiny wallet, and that's all I can handle carrying because I literally can't handle the weight of having a lotion and a ChapStick and Altoids and a wallet and keys in my purse. Like, I cannot handle— and we're talking like 2 pounds, people. Like, sometimes 2 pounds is too much.

It's too much.

But understanding to read my symptoms and, and listen to my body was a big part of understanding my ADHD.

Yeah, well, and I think that's interesting because ADHD, if you have ADHD, you probably struggle with interoception, which is your ability to read your body's clues and signals and sensations. But when you have chronic illness, those are really important things to be into. So that can be like where the two butt heads a lot. You know, so like I like to tell, when I'm telling my clients about interoception, it's like, oh, I, I don't have to pee. I don't have to pee. Oh my gosh, I have to go right now. No, I'm not hungry. I don't need to eat. To like, I'm starving. I could eat a horse. For people dealing with chronic pain and fatigue and other medical symptoms, Those things also can happen like that. Like, I'm not tired, I'm not tired. Like, I can't— I physically can't lift my body. It's like, oh.

Oh, it was learning to listen, stop and let— now I'm terrible at it some days. I will forget to eat some days. Yeah, like pain levels will affect my ability to notice other things, so that is a problem for me. Like I was in so much pain for a while, a ways back, like in my neck and my shoulders with spasms and all of that, that I didn't notice that my right leg was completely numb and started tripping over my foot. So sometimes that's where some of those sensing your body and the interoception stuff is really difficult is one signal is so much more powerful than another that we forget to pay attention to The fact that I had to pee so bad that I peed my pants one day because I didn't notice.

Yep. And all this input competing.

Oh yeah, absolutely. And you're like, well, you're an adult, you should be able to recognize that. No, there are days that I literally cannot. And recognizing that I have to go to the bathroom is an issue for me. Recognizing that I have to eat or I need something to drink. I find I get dehydrated really easy because I forget to drink unless something is physically in front of me all the time. Um, and that's an accommodation that I have to have, which means there's 12 water bottles all over the house because if I see it, I will grab it and I will pick it up and drink out of it.

Yep.

So they need to be everywhere so that I remember to hydrate enough. Drives my husband crazy, but I stay hydrated and he leaves it alone now that he understands if he picks them up and puts them away, I will not drink things.

Yeah.

But it's also knowing that some days a certain kind of bottle, I have to drink out of a certain cup or a certain bottle or, or because there's a sensory issue that goes with it.

Oh, absolutely.

Can you drink plain water when you're really not feeling well?

It has to be really cold. Or no, I have never liked— I, as an adult, I like plain water. I hated the taste of water for the first, like, 16 years of my life.

I actually, when I'm feeling at my worst, I can't drink water. Like, it literally, it makes me really sick to drink water. So I, I have— I drink juice, I'll drink smoothies, I'll drink other things to hydrate. And believe it or not, there is water in pretty much anything you're going to drink through a straw. So even if you can't physically drink water, it's okay to drink coffee. Believe it or not, I'm even telling you, you could do that.

Coffee.

and juice and milk and tea and hot chocolate and all of those things, at least you're getting some hydration. It may not be in just plain water. Those of us who have chronic illness know that just plain water isn't enough. We need electrolytes.

You can also, on days where it's hard to drink, you can also eat some of your water.

Watermelon and grapes. And I like watermelon is my go-to when I'm feeling like that. Yes, love watermelon. Um, so when your energy is really, really low, what are some things that you do to accommodate for those low energy days?

Nap. Which sounds silly. Um, I was not a napper for most of my life, which is hilarious because if anybody Who met me in the last 5 years would know that I love a nap. Um, but just the freedom to nap has been really powerful. Um, other things I do to accommodate on a low energy day is I'll take all of the, uh, fluff out of my to-do list, which is hard. As a recovering perfectionist and overachiever, that is really, really, really, really, really hard. But it's a practice I'm getting used to, which normally means like deciding what my priority for the day is. And every day that looks different, right? Some days it's work, some days it's household chores, some days it's socializing. But it's like on those days where I'm having a really hard time, I can have one max, one max focus. Um, and that's it. And everything else has to go to the wayside.

So for me on my really low energy days, Something that I am also a high achiever. Anybody that knows me knows that I will.

You?

And unfortunately, I think I did some of the damage to my body that I'm dealing with now by living in that overachieving, pushing through being sick, pushing through. Like, I, from everything I've read, and because of course I've geeked out and read every single thing I can about MS and all of the things that go with it. I probably am at the stage I am now, being not even 50 and being immobile probably about 50% of the time, because I pushed through, because I didn't listen to my body, because I didn't supply it with these sources of nutrition, energy, relaxation, downtime that my brain and my body needed.

That, just like hearing you say that reminds me too, like how much I think a lot of us on this call and anybody listening later will be familiar with that, the research statistic about how like kids with ADHD hear more negative comments.

Mm-hmm.

And a lot of us internalize that. I know that a lot of that internalization of like, oh, I don't want to be lazy. Oh, I don't want to take the easy way out. Oh, everybody struggles with these things. I'm just, I can't figure it out for whatever reason. Had me push through not only executive function challenges, but also a lot of my physical challenges and pain and exhaustion and discomfort, pushing through that because, oh, you're so dramatic. Like, no, I'm— it hurts.

Are you kidding me? Um, yeah, something that I had to come to, and before I even knew I had MS or ED or POTS or any of these things like years ago.

Right.

I had to come to the realization that whose voice do I hear in my head when I think I have to be productive 100% of the time? And those 20,000 more negative comments were absolutely like, I have a couple voices in my head telling me that I have to do and I can't sit still and I can't do those things and I can't not do my dishes today or not do my laundry today or whatever it is that I hear in my head. And I had to learn that that negativity was driving damaging routines. The routine of always being busy to slay and hustle and all of that stuff is toxic. It is so toxic.

Hey, yeah. It's making us sicker. And like, there's nothing wrong with being a hard worker, and that is admirable. That should not be the only thing that you have to offer the world. It's not. And B, just because you're a hard worker doesn't mean you're a hard worker every second of the day.

That's not sustainable for anyone, whether you're ADHD, have a chronic illness, or are perfectly neurotypical with no illness issues.

No, still not sustainable. You'll walk yourself into an illness.

Yeah. So learning that I, I needed to chill and slow down. I had a couple things happen in the last year that forced me to slow down, and then I went, I really not to need— I don't need to be doing 27 client calls a day. I remember you and I talked one day and you're like, how many calls have you done today? And I said, like 16. And you're like, you've done 8 hours of calls already because we do 30-minute calls. Yeah, and it was already like— it was only like 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I saw it.

It was not late in the day.

And you and Vida went, are you kidding me, Danielle? Why? And I'm like, well, because they got scheduled for today. And they're like, but why? Are you crazy? And I— getting forced to slow down has been the best thing ever. Now I'm done by 1 o'clock every single day.

Oh, I'm not there yet.

Maybe when I take a nap, and, and I directly go and take a nap every single afternoon at 1 o'clock. It's the best thing ever. But I do that because if I try to push, right, I'm done the next day. So that's— that leads me into the next question. What do you do on your really good days where you're no pain and you have— you're just— or, or As far as we're concerned, our pain scale is like at the lowest it can be. What do you do? What are you doing on those high-energy, no-pain days?

Everything. I'm just bouncing around like a little psycho.

And you get a ton done, right?

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Okay, but the danger, the danger in that is the, uh, there's a, there's a There was a soundbite that I thought of and then immediately forgot, but it's like the spoons, when the spoons are high, oh, we're gonna do everything. And it's the same. I think people with ADHD without chronic illness can relate because it's like when you have a good executive function day, it's like, oh my gosh, I want to do all these things while I'm thinking about it and while I can.

Mm-hmm.

And that can very easily turn into A day where you just done did too much and you are going to crash the next day, the next week, what have you. Yeah, it's, it's really hard to— I'm still learning how to take advantage of a really good day, um, in a way that honors my body's patterns. But it's hard, especially when you have challenges with impulse control.

Same. So when I have a high-energy, low-pain day, I tend to clean my whole entire house. I'll write a ton of content. Because not only is my physical body feeling good, my brain is feeling like it's firing on all of the cylinders. at 10,000 miles an hour and I can access all of that.

Yes.

'Cause my brain's always firing on all 10,000 cylinders. So there's just some days all 10,000 cylinders are too much and it's overwhelming and I can't access anything. But on a good day, I can access all of it, which then sends me into a hyperfocus on, unfortunately, not just one thing because I'm like, I have to do all the physical things today too. I can't just do all the brain things today. I have to do all the physical things because I can. And then promptly it takes me a week to recover. So what, what is one of your best support systems, reminders, structures, whatever you have around yourself to help on those good days to try to remind you to not— what, what works for you so far? Because you said you're still learning.

Honestly, like, my clients. They remind me because a lot of my clients also have chronic illness. Um, a lot of them choose to work with me because like they don't have to explain that, you know, like, um, yeah. And so like this is where I flip my people-pleasing tendencies on its head. And so far, the best strategy for me has been like, hey, you have to lead by example. So in my coach training, I was taught that coaches lead and leaders coach, and there is no distinction between the two. If you want to show up as a coach, you have to show up as a leader and vice versa. And that was really powerful for me. And it reminds me that even when I'm not I have to lead, you know, in a coaching conversation. I do still need to show up as a leader. And to me, leaders lead by example. And I do not want to be a hypocrite with my clients because how will they trust me? I don't trust hypocrites.

Exactly.

So why would I expect anyone to trust me if I'm one? So just reminding myself like, hey, like, it's okay that you didn't get it all done. Like, You, you need to lead by example, and that means acknowledging that you have a limit. Um, that means if you go too hard today, you may have to cancel on people tomorrow or later this week, and they don't deserve that because it— because I couldn't make the best choice. choice. Like, chronic illness has been a chronic illness, and life happens. And some days you have to— I had to cancel a session once because in the middle of it, I was like, I'm so sorry, I'm gonna go vomit now.

Yeah.

That's different than I overworked myself. And now I can't move and I'm, I'm crying. Right. So acknowledging that, like, hey, here's, here's a place where I do have control. And I need to exercise that in some way so that I can show up and be a member of my community and be the supportive person that I claim to be.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, for me, again, my clients, remembering that I need to function in a way I would ask my clients to. And sometimes that shows up in my husband going, I heard you say this to a client once, why aren't you doing it? Sometimes our partners are can be really rude about that stuff.

They sure can.

But but even my fellow coaches, like last week, Britt messaged on Tuesday and said, "I just can't. My energy is not good. I'm really not feeling good today." I'm like, "Oh, thank God! I was gonna push through and do it if you're gonna show up." Yeah.

Yeah. Which like if you guys are Struggling with, with whether it be executive dysfunction, ADHD, or chronic illness, like, I cannot express the power of just stating what is. You may not know what that will open up for other people.

Right. And, and I think one of the things that I had to learn is rely Okay, I think the better way to say this is to complain often to those that are in my support network. We ask— and it's not asking for help, it's sharing what's going on. And as a coach, sharing it with my fellow coaches, Brit and Vita and Jessica and Tim and all of them. If I say, hey, today really sucks, anybody else's day suck? And somebody will ask me a question, and then Vita Vida is the team mom. I love you, Vida, but you are team mom. She is an ex-school teacher. She is, she is team mom. And if one of us expresses and just shares what's going on, you better believe within 2 seconds Vida's in your DM going, okay, have you eaten? Have you changed your location? Have you changed your temperature? Do you have your comfy clothes on? Have you— she will ask a million questions to get to the bottom of why you feel like Like, even if I don't express what's going on, or I can't, because even I can't some days express— yeah, I'm just not feeling great today.

Yep.

And Vita, a few weeks ago, I was like, geez, I was really not feeling good and I couldn't figure it out. Vita's like, there's a storm coming across and it's just about to hit me. And she's 8 hours from me, so I was feeling it even though it's 8 hours away, and I didn't even realize what it was. So sometimes having— just having community. I will say that that is one of my biggest, biggest things that has helped me the most is having community to remind me that it's okay to not feel good. It's okay to be— have no executive function today. It's okay to be in hyperfocus mode. But how do I do those in a more supportive way for my body? And that— and it just, again, it's not about asking for help. It's just sharing what's going on. Because we forget, we think that we're alone. We think that we have to do it ourselves. We whatever, whatever, whatever. And we get stuck in that. Oh.

Oh yeah, I can't tell you how many times a loved one, whether it be a partner, a friend, a parent, has been like, hey, like, I'll be stressed and like doing something, they'll be like, do you have to do that like right now? Can that wait? And I'm like, oh. Oh yeah, 9 times out of 10, it's not urgent or important. It's just something I wanted to do and I'm frustrated Frustrated because it's harder than it needs to be in the moment. And just having someone check me and be like, hey, can this wait? Oh yeah. You're right.

And sometimes we need permission. I think that's why community, our tribe, whatever you want to call it, is so important. Important for us because sometimes we need the permission to not do the thing or to not be okay or to be the hyperactive squirrel that we want to be today. Sometimes we need that permission to do those things. Like Britt saying last week, I really don't feel well. We're not going to— I can't go live today. I'm like, oh, thank God.

Thank you. Oh my God. I could not. I was falling asleep in my chair. I was like, this is not gonna work.

I am not.

Yeah.

And I want to push through. And again, because high achieving, people pleasing, I don't— yeah, I'm gonna push through if I can, or somebody else can, so that I can suck their energy. Which is also something like, as a coach, we do need to be careful of, is we can suck energy from our clients if We're trying to function as a coach, as a leader, as a whatever, and we're not in the physical or mental space to do so. And we have— we do need to be really careful of that because it's not fair to our clients and it's not fair to us either. No, being an energy vampire is never a good place to be if you're a coach. Not nice.

No, recommended.

And again, it's fairly easy for us As coaches to want to just push through because we have to be the better example for our clients, whatever, whatever, whatever. But then we can turn into that energy vampire for of our clients, to our clients, whatever that is.

I know what you mean.

So what what is one of your favorite ways to let your clients know on a call that hey look? I'm struggling today.

What do you—

I mean, do you outright tell your clients, hey, look, I'm struggling today?

Usually. Or, uh, in a very— um, my parents are from the Midwest, uh, and I've adopted some of that culture even though they don't use some of these phrases. Like, I'll use my My what I like to call white guy having a bad day phrases. Living the dream.

Yes.

How are you? I'm here.

I showed up alive. I think one of the best things I can say to a client, and again, I had to learn this, was I'm not having a great day today. So hopefully this coaching call goes well. And my clients will all laugh and they're like, you're here and you're listening to me. That's good enough. And sometimes that's great to hear from our clients. And the other, the other thing is some of my clients will be, oh good, it's not just me.

Yeah, I— the very first coach I ever had actually taught me a lot by her example. Cat Wood, if you're out there.

Awesome coach.

Um, I'll just never forget, she would show up to our sessions, she'd have a blanket wrapped around her and like a cozy mug of tea. And like, that was something in my brain, I was like, oh, you can't do that when you're a professional. And it was like, what? None of that affected her ability to coach me in any way, shape, or form, um, at all. She just was like honoring her physical needs. And I'll I'll never forget the first time we were in a call and she goes, I'm so sorry, may I pause you? I have to go to the bathroom and it is so distracting for me. I'm not able to listen to you. So I'm just gonna run to the bathroom real quick and be right back. And I was like, we can do that? Like, that blew my mind that that was even a possibility. So like, I'll tell clients like, hey, give me one second. My hip is stuck. I need to readjust in this chair. Or if I have to pee all of a sudden, or if I have like a wave of nausea come over me, I'll just be like, hey, give me one second. Thank you. Right? Like, I'll just be upfront about what's going on. And 9 times out of 10— Like they care. Yeah. It doesn't affect our partnership.

No. And something that I had to learn to do when I get some leg cramps and stuff, the only way for me to deal with them is to get up and walk around. And, and I have, I have a client. And I have said to a client before, do you want to go for a walk with me? Or do you want me to shut the camera off so you and I'll stay in the room and I'll just pay in here so that it's not distracting for you. And almost all my clients are like, oh, can we go for a walk? And they're perfectly fine with that. I have one client who said, please no, because then I won't be able to keep my train of thought. Great, I'll shut the camera off. We're going for a walk. Great, not a problem.

Yep.

And for my clients, I have actually changed my, my Zoom screen so that a picture of me pops up when I go off camera. So that they still have something to focus on and they have a face to it, because that is very important to a lot of people. But absolutely, I have never once had a client say, no, this is unprofessional or whatever. I've shown up in my pajamas without makeup on. I've shown up with my hair standing on end because I'm having a bad pain day and I'm running my hands through my hair. And there's not one client that has— they might giggle a little bit at me, but And that's okay.

Yeah.

It's so important to be honest and authentic. That word authentic kind of bothers me at this point because it's just overused. But it is true. Being real and truthful and authentic with our clients really is a big part of being ADHD and being true to what we're trying to teach our clients. Yep.

Well, and by that token, I give all of my clients permission to do whatever they need to do when we're in session. Like, um, I can't tell you how many times the client has apologized, like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm still drinking my coffee, or like, I'm sorry, I, I just needed to eat something because I forgot, or like, I'm sorry, I'm like stretching. And I like tell my clients like, hey, as long as you're not doing anything illegal that I have to report, like Do whatever you need to do to be comfortable in this session. I don't care if you're wearing pajamas. I don't care if you're eating. I don't care if you're fidgeting. I don't care if you're doodling. Um, you know, like, none of that. I don't care if you're laying down in bed. None of that bothers me. If you're— if it allows you to show up and be present and take care of yourself, great.

Exactly. So what is right now— what is one of your favorite recovery things that you're doing for yourselves—

yourself? Favorite recovery thing? Does cuddling with my cat count?

Yes.

Cuddling with my kitty. Because animals— petting animals like actually does a wonder for like our blood pressure and our mood. And like, I've really leaned into snuggling with my baby, a cat and a dog. Um, but it's been really powerful on my cat. Um, is really intuitive. And like, when I'm really exhausted or in a lot of pain, like, she normally unprompted just comes up and like sits next to me or sits on me, which forces me to stop what I'm doing and just like relax. Um, that's been really nice. She's a good little girl.

I will say cuddling with my dog is a big thing, but I— one of my best recovery tools that I have right now is baths. Oh, so many Epsom salt baths, to the point that I went this last month, I went through a 20-pound bag of Epsom salts.

I believe it.

Because that's the one thing that— one, water is incredibly comforting and relaxing to me. Even if I'm in hyper overwhelm, water can get rid of that. So a bath helps with that. Yeah, exactly. Um, and it feels good and it makes my muscles feel better and like physically I've got a lot of— but, but from a, a sensory overwhelm standpoint, water is a huge thing for me. So, so that's a really, really big thing. And my next thing is a weighted blanket.

Oh, love a weighted blanket.

We— I have a 15-pound weighted blanket that's a queen-size blanket, and my husband hates it, so I fold it over so all 30 pounds are on top of me. Oh yeah, I love it. My husband's like, I couldn't stand the 15 pounds. Why? And I'm like, right now it feels good.

Shush, go away, go away. I want to be crushed. Exactly.

So, but understanding that that weighted blanket sometimes is on my legs while I'm doing coaching calls, that weighted blanket is on my legs when I'm watching a movie. It just— where do I need it? When do I need it? What is the comfort thing that I need right now?

Yeah, absolutely. Heat. Heat is really important to me. I'm sure you can relate. Like, anything warm— a bath, a shower, a blanket— it's It's space heater season, baby. I'm, I'm worried I'm one of those women who's gonna get— have you seen those rashes, like the permanent rash or like skin thing you can develop from too much heat? I'm like, oh God, that's me. That's gonna be me.

Yeah, yeah, someday, yes, that will be me because I, I can never get warm enough or be warm enough. So sure, crank that all the way up to high. Put the hot water heater as high as it can Go and I'll just do straight hot water for a bath. Yeah, that's me.

Yeah, the, the endometriosis girlies, you get it. Oh my God.

And speaking of which, there is a new heating pad that—

Oh my God, I was just— did we share a brain for a little bit? Yes, we did.

So for those that may not have seen the TikTok that Brit and I obviously both saw, there's a heating pad that Wraps around you like a diaper, ladies.

It's like a giant fuzzy diaper that goes over your clothes and it comes all the way up to cover all of your tummy and all of your back and nether regions.

All the time. I have ordered one.

Oh, you'll have to let me know how it is because that thing looked Yes, it does.

So endo girlies, heating pads, I saw that and went, where has that been all my life?

Yeah, adenomyosis girlies, you would also probably enjoy that. Mm-hmm.

I will tell you, heating pads are my best friend. Always heating pads. I, I have them everywhere. Okay, so chronic illness is something that is a huge comorbidity for women with ADHD more than men. And men do experience this too. So I'm not saying you don't, but just that there is a higher rate of women having this. But there are supports out there, there are ways to get what you need, there are still ways to function in that. And if you're struggling with that, reach out to Britt, reach out to I, we have You have profile links for both of us below. Please, please reach out and ask questions. Please, even if you can't afford a coach, still ask the questions. We are always happy to answer those questions because there isn't enough information out there for us. And there's also a lot of misinformation of how we're supposed to push through and still function and we have to still do the thing and that's not true. It's possible to take care of your body, your mind, your ADHD, and everything all at the same time. You just have to— it looks a little different.

It looks different. And I'm sure Danielle can relate to this. You and you may have grief, and I know I do, about, hey, this isn't how I— this isn't how I thought it was going to be. This isn't how I envisioned it. And that is so valid, um, and it's okay to be sad about it not going the way you had hoped or that you imagined. And there is still a way forward, um, there's still so much goodness to be had.

There is. And if you don't have a community, if you don't have a support system, let us know. That is something I specifically have with, uh, NDL Loud. We have a We have a support system. It is there to help you live life on your terms, not somebody else's, because it's important. I hope you have an awesome rest of your week. We are here. Happy Thanksgiving to anyone celebrating. To anybody not celebrating, what movies are you binge watching on Thursday? I want to know all about it because my family and I, we do that because We don't want to talk to each other all day, so we binge watch movies together instead.

Hey, okay.

So I hope you have an amazing day off work. If nothing else, if you need support, if you're feeling lonely right now this time of year, reach out. We are here to help and here to give you that community you might be missing.