Executive Dysfunction: Tools That Actually Work for ADHD

Hello there. I'm Danielle Ralston. I am the founder and head coach here at ND Out Loud. What is ND Out Loud? ND Out Loud is a team of neurodivergent coaches. We are neurodivergent, every single one of us. TBIs, PTSD, ADHD, autism, ADHD, and so much more. Bipolar disorder, all of the things. We also have a passion for supporting others like us so you don't have to struggle like we did in our past. We have All taken trainings and certifications and all of that so that we can support you in living a better life and upgrading all of the things that are frustrating about your life. What is this session going to give you? This session is going to give you actionable tips. So yes, we're gonna talk about our programs and all of the things that we offer, but I want you to walk away with something actionable for something that is overwhelming, frustrating, or just plain annoying you right now in your life. Or if you're a parent or a spouse of someone with neurodivergence, To help them as well. I want you to walk away with something today. So please sign up today for a free call. We can learn more about each other. Hello, hello, hello. This is Danielle and Shay with Indie Hive, Indie Out Loud, and we are talking executive function today.

Executive function? What is that?

Something that I— we don't have most days. It's the honest truth. It's actually executive dysfunction when you talk about it in context of being ADHD, AuDHD.

Yeah. Yeah.

So executive function, and let's go through what it is first. So I'll give you all the technical terms first. It's the CEO of your brain, organizes all of the departments, your emotions, your memory, your motivation, your focus, and your action.

Wow. You said that really fast. Yours must be turned on today.

Oh no, no, I have it written down. Emotions, memory, motivation, focus, and action. And they all work together efficiently, hence why it's executive dysfunction. But anybody that has ADHD, autism, trauma, anxiety, depression, chronic illness, and if you have just one of those things, we head into the executive dysfunction range.

Right. And that's a rough way to handle things like that dysfunction, but we think that it is function, which See, that's an X. It is not happening.

But it's also how our brain processes the energy and information for us to do the things we need to do. So like, we can't start tasks, or we can start a task, but there's major amounts of procrastination, anxiety, and meltdowns first. Staying focused when things get boring. I can't do that today for nothing. Oh my gosh. Remember steps and deadlines. Manage your emotions when you're stressed. Adapt when your plan doesn't go to plan.

Ooh, that's a rough one. Even little changes.

Oh, yeah.

Trigger that one.

Oh, yeah. No working memory, time management and planning skills. 5 minutes somehow turns into 2 hours, or we think something's gonna only take us, or we think somebody's— something's gonna take us 2 hours and it took us 2 minutes. Follow through.

All of those.

Crafts just started.

Shh, don't tell them what's in my closet.

Can't switch between tasks.

One of my favorite things is like, I'll ask my husband, okay, how long do you think this will take us? Oh, just a couple minutes. And what is that saying? 3 hours later.

That's—

we're both ADHD, so we don't really calculate that time very well. So yeah, it's a rough thing to calculate that out sometimes, even when we practice it over and over and over again.

And over and over and over and over. Like, I do this for a living, and today is just terrible. One, it's that time of month, and then, yeah, I'm being open about that. So that sends executive function out the window. Zero function and executive anything today. And then I have a trip to Disney in 2 weeks. So guess what my hyperfocus is?

Gee, I don't know. Could it possibly be Disney?

Well, and it's the holiday season, so there's new food items and new milkshakes and drink items and decorations and—

And, and, and.

So what are some tools that work for you when your executive function is the dysfunction?

You know, some of it is structure. If I have something that I'm doing and I do it every single day, like I get up, I do some study and meditation, if you want to call it that.

Mm-hmm.

Spiritual time, and then I go into a workout. Now that's something I've been doing every day for years, and that's kept things consistent because it's like, okay, begin. And so I do that, then go to my workout, and then it's shower and breakfast and work. So it's kind of that consistent nature that helps take a lot of that decision fatigue out of it, which also decreases the stress on the executive function. So that's one way. Another way is building in a way to release the extra, the anxiety. So it doesn't have to necessarily be physical, but there is the physical aspect. So, you know, I'm a big proponent of get up and move. Get up and do some type of movement. Doesn't have to be exercise. Go for a walk, walk from your office to your kitchen, you know, or even go out on your back porch, or you can do something small and quick. But then there's also creating that flexibility of relaxation time. Like, what are your favorite hobbies? Build that into your schedule so that your brain knows, hey, I'm going to have that at this point. So let's settle all this down. Let that go because I already know where it's coming in and then be able to focus here for a minute. Does it always work?

Well, no, no. That's why we have multiple things. So for me, when my executive functions are dysfunctioning at the ultimate level, I have a few things I do. So movement for me is not an option most days because even walking from my couch, laying in the living room to my kitchen is too much for me some days. So I will still get up and move a tiny bit, but I will go change my location, change my temperature.

Mm-hmm.

And change my sensory needs. So I just was extremely overwhelmed with the sweatshirt I had on, like the ties around the neck and the hood and all of that was driving me insane about 15 minutes ago. So I changed. And I put a t-shirt on that's a really, really soft t-shirt. That helped me calm down a little bit. Getting a cold glass of water instead of drinking room temperature, which is what I normally do because that's what you're supposed to do. So I— this is more ice than it is water. I think that helps, but that helped me cool down.

Right.

But changing my location. So for me, a lot of days, because I have MS and chronic illness, and I just said it's that time of month for me. I really can't move as much. I can't sit at my desk hardly at all anymore, and it drives me nuts and I hate it. So I'm sitting on my couch or sitting in my bed, but just changing my direction on the couch to what wall I'm looking at helps.

Yeah. Well, and what are your aesthetics around your room? You know, like in your office, do you have things that you can look at and it just kind of pulls your mind for a second to something that's a little more comforting or a little bit more fun or something? Do you have it in your living space? Like you said, you're in your living room. So is there something in your living room that maybe you can change out and put in There. It doesn't, like we said, it doesn't have to be big and huge. It could be something very simple and small.

And then my last tip is always body doubling. Body doubling, body doubling, body doubling is always my main tip. When my executive dysfunction is really at its worst, when I go into body doubling, I can accomplish at least some basic tasks. And obviously those of you that know me know I live there all day long.

I'm getting to be there pretty much most days, but that's good though, because we're actually doing the things that we wanted to do in the first place. Mm-hmm.

And this morning we had a couple people that don't come in super often in body doubling. I'll have to tell Shay the story later because 2 male employees were being goofy.

Oh, hmm.

And they were there, but everybody, we were all laughing at each other and with each other and really at it, Tim. And, but we were getting a ton done and all of us, I was like, oh, I just got 5 things done. And I wasn't even paying attention to the fact that I got 5 things done.

Right. And I think it's that body doubling allows us to kind of feel— I don't wanna say cozy in one way, because it is in one way we're cozy cuz we're with people that understand us. But on the second hand too, or on the other hand, we also have somebody who's like, gets us and understands us, but holds us accountable in a gentle way. And we don't always come in and be like, well, I'm gonna work on this today. We just— some of us just come in and start doing whatever we need to do. Some of us are in and out of the screen constantly because the thing we're doing is something we've gotta get up and go do and come back, get up and go do and come back. So there's multiple different ways, but it seems to work, and it allows our dysfunction to start functioning in some aspect, some way.

So Being in a room with multiple people in the height of dysfunction creates function for everybody because we're co-regulating each other and we're entertaining each other, which increases our dopamine, which means that we can get our motivation back and function.

Right.

And when my chronic illness is at its worst and I really can't, like, I really feel sick and I really can't do anything. Body doubling is the one thing that can get me moving at least a tiny bit.

Well, and body doubling also helps that because your dysfunction is in there going. And so we're there to be like, no, Danielle, today is not a day for you to work on that. You need to go take rest. Yeah. You need to put yourself in a place where you can increase your health, as in rest or more water or go eat something or things like that.

That we don't even think about. Hey Danielle, did you take your pain meds today? Hey Danielle, did you take your supplements today? Hey Danielle, did you remember to drink or eat something today? Because when you're not feeling well, and even if you don't have chronic illness and you're just ADHD, very few people are just ADHD. I was gonna say, usually have EDS and POTS and all kinds of things to go with it. But even if it's just ADHD things, we need to be reminded of some of those self-care things a whole lot because we're feeling So out of control that nothing is gonna help. And we get that defeatist mentality going, which is so easy when we're just having another one of those days. We get in those shame loops, we get frustrated with ourselves, we get defeated, cynical, angry, all of these things all at once, which then overwhelms us even more.

Right? Because it's that spiral. It starts at the top of the funnel and we just roll around like a little marble going around in a circle.

Mm-hmm.

Like those marble toys that we had as kids where you could stack it really high and that marble start up here and then it goes all over the place to the bottom. And instead of doing all that craziness, now we can come into the body doubling and being like, okay, I'm in a whirlwind right now. And most of the time all we have to say is, okay, tell me more. Or what's your whirlwind? Or where did you start it? You know?

What do you wish you were doing right now?

Right.

It's like, what? Because we all have a thing we'd rather be doing. Always. And I'm always amazed. People will come in and, I don't know why I'm here today. I just feel like I can't get nothing done, and I might as well hang out with you here. And by the time we're done talking, they're taking action and getting something done.

Mhmm.

And somebody asked me this. I had, I was on a group call with a group of entrepreneurs the other day. I was asked to come in and talk to a Facebook group yesterday and they're like, well, how can you be successful as an ADHD entrepreneur body doubling? And they asked me like 20 or 30 different questions and my answer was the same exact answer every single time. And they're like, well, what do you consider success? And I said, no, what do you consider success?

Mm-hmm.

Everybody considers success something different, but I'm gonna be really open and honest here because people wanna know. How successful am I?

Right.

I'm a 6-figure business owner that works 15 to 20 hours a week.

Mm-hmm. Well, the understanding, or I should say the stigma out there for ADHD is that you can't get things done. You can't function. You can't, you can't, you can't. And so therefore there is that stigma of, well, how can they be successful if they have ADHD or if they have AuDHD? How can they do that? Because if they can't complete the task, then they aren't having the success. But in reality is we have the capability of doing things differently, and we step into those strengths, and we look at our weaknesses, and we say, okay, how can we adjust that so it's not such a rough thing? One way is body doubling.

And for me, like, people ask me, well, how do you find success? This is my 7th 6-figure business that I've built. Do I plan on selling this one? Probably not.

Mm-hmm.

I plan on this being a, like, a long-term legacy. This is the first time I'm doing this without the purpose of selling it because this is my passion and my mission. And everybody on our team is like that. This is our passion and our mission. And I plan on by March of next year, we will be a 7-figure business. And my team will be 6-figure entrepreneurs.

Mm-hmm.

Because why do I say I know that's happening? Because I'm making it happen. How do I know I'm making that happen? By showing up to body doubling in my worst days, in my most confused days, on my most chaotic days, which are almost always chaotic. So I don't know that there's any day that's not chaotic.

I was gonna say, what's the difference between a regular day and a chaotic day? Yeah.

Yeah. I had that. I don't know.

That's a good question. I mean, if you have the answer to that, I would love to hear it because I don't know if there's a difference at all.

But on my worst days, do I? Because I've had people say, well, you must not struggle with ADHD like I do. Honey, I am ADHD and I am AudiHD with 12 chronic illnesses.

Well, and on top of that, I think what you figured out was having the body doubling What is that? It's a system. So you have learned to be able to take the things that you need and create the system for you, which is what many of us didn't know how to do. Didn't know what, you know, didn't know where, didn't know any of those steps to even create a system. We were just going along with what we were told.

Right. And none of those systems worked. No. I'm a high achieving, I'm a high achieving person. Mm-hmm. And I used some of those systems for years in corporate, but when I went out on my own, it did not work anymore. Because there was no structure with it. And that's why they don't work for entrepreneurs, because there isn't the structure. And maybe the structure was, my boss is going to yell at me if I don't get this thing done, because you always had somebody above you to yell at you.

Right.

When you're an entrepreneur, there's nobody to yell at you except for you. And that's not going to work because we yell at ourselves internally all the time. So, right, that doesn't work. So having a structure and a system, and my structure, my system is one Freaking thing. Do I have other things that work for me to help me stay organized, my thoughts organized and stuff? Yes. But I can't do those things without showing up to body doubling.

Well, it's funny because your system of creating the body doubling years ago, and now you've implemented it and you've created this space for all of us or anyone basically to come into and to be a part of, that was a system that you didn't realize you were creating.

No.

But there's always systems within the system. Like, your system is show up for body doubling. You have a, you know, your list of things you wanna get done each day or whatever. And then somebody else comes in, but they don't mess up that list.

No.

They come in and they're like, well, here's what I need to do. And then it's like they know how— oh, okay. Well, I can see Danielle doing hers. Maybe I can do mine. It gives us hope.

It gives us all hope. And honestly, why did I create this? Because I freaking needed it. I needed other people to chat with me and entertain me and bring their spicy kitty on camera while we're all on camera so that we could all ooh and ahh over the kitty or the puppy or the baby or the— what is your boyfriend doing behind you with that? Like, what is going on? Like, we need to be entertained. We need novelty. We need change. We need something different to see, hear, and engage with. And that's what body doubling gives us every day. Even those that are in silent body doubling still get that change at what is going on behind you there. And people will be messaging each other and talking with each other, even in complete silence.

Mm-hmm.

So what structure do you need? I'm going to tell you, community. Community is the structure because everything else, somebody else can help you figure out the rest of the structure that you need. Because again, my structure does not work unless I'm in community. If I am by myself and I isolate myself and I'm like, I can do this myself, I'm smarter than anybody else, I can do this, that's when I fail.

That's when it goes—

and that's when I lose my house and my cars and have to move in with my mother-in-law.

Sounds like some experience in that.

Maybe. Almost lost my marriage.

We're not telling people about executive function because we're like, you need to have us. We're telling you this because we see the struggle that you're going through every day. We've lived it. We've been through it. We're here to say, how can I help you? How can I give you the system that you've been looking for, wanting, needing, and desiring, but you didn't know where to find it? And it's a lifesaver.

It's a lifesaver, and it's cheaper than buying a cup of coffee every week.

Yeah, it is.

And we plan on keeping it there. And we may have found a way to not raise our prices in January like we thought we were gonna have to. So if we can get by end of year, we can get another 250 people inside of the program. I will not have to raise the prices ever.

Oh, that's fabulous. And think of all the more people we could help, Danielle.

At $19.99 a month. We have 10 hours of coaching, mentorship, body doubling support a day. Then we have an online community that you can share every stupid recipe, GIF, stupid thing going on in your life, pictures of animals, whatever you wanna share. And then we're— our custom app is coming, and we're purposely not releasing it right now. We're releasing it beginning of the year because plan ahead wasn't very well planned ahead. So we're planning ahead for January and We want everybody to have what they need affordably.

Right. Affordably.

Because that's a big deal because there are so many, like, we are 2 of thousands of ADHD coaches out there that can help with executive function. Absolutely. But executive function doesn't happen in the one 30-minute session a week.

Or even a 1-hour session a week. Session a week.

No. That's not enough. It happens in the daily grind of living life because when we try to live life alone, We fail. When we live life in community, we succeed. Because we weren't meant— humans, neurodivergent or not, we're not meant to live life alone.

No, we're not. And the more that we invest into our community— and I don't mean like invest into like a business or something, I'm saying invest in our community that you want to be a part of— the more that you feel uplifted each day, the more that you feel like you have a purpose, the more that you desire to be able to give back to other people. But that fills you up so much more and you get more than you think you do. Oh yeah. It's kinda like, it's kinda like what a teacher says. I learn more from teaching because I have to prepare for someone else.

Yeah, absolutely. And I learned one, somebody came into one of our calls this morning and said, I have this issue, I'm having this issue, and I'm having this issue in my business. They asked me the question, I answered the question. A couple other people had a little bit of input and somebody else who was on the call That's a stay-at-home mom who just was there to try to get her to-do list done for the day. It was just like, that was the most helpful thing ever. I, I didn't know that. Now I've got something I can do in my home. These 2 things had nothing to do with each other.

Right? We don't know who we help by the things that we say. When it's directed at this person here, these other people over here are listening. And when they're listening, they're gathering information and knowledge that they need for themselves.

Well, and applying it to like what the question was. Well, even if you have a coach and like we have people who have other ADHD coaches and just not on our team, right? That have an ADHD coach totally not related to our team, and they'll come in and like, you just said this and this blows my mind, and look how I can apply this, and da da da da. And then they'll come back and they'll go, my coach was so annoyed with me that I said that you showed me how to do this when she's been telling me this for a year and a half. And I laugh because we have a therapist on our team who is working with my best friend, who I've been telling some things to for 15 years. And the therapist told her something in my words, like, I know I stole your words. And she was like, oh, wow, this is so amazing. And comes back to me and I'm like, are you kidding me? But that's what community does, though.

Mhmm.

It creates stories that we can learn from instead of information. Sometimes we need a story to learn from versus information.

Oh, absolutely. I know I learn better that way with stories than just, here's the, the information, let me throw it at you.

And as a coach, something that I make sure to do, because I can help anybody, even when my executive dysfunction is at its worst, I can help anybody else even when I'm in complete and total meltdown chaos. Mhmm. The question that I ask for myself, and I have all of my coaching academy people have this now in their offices and on Post-it notes, is what kind of coach do your clients need today? Be the coach that your, your people need today. And I make sure that I focus on that as a coach, that even in my executive dysfunction, what can I be for somebody else today? And if you could work with somebody like that, that is gonna ask the question of what can I be for you today? Not for me. Not what am I going to take from you, energy or information or whatever, but how can I be for you today? What can I be for you today? It is life-changing.

Very much.

Very much. If you want to join something and have fun with us all day, come join my chaos because I bring the chaos every single day, all day from 7 AM to 5 PM Central. Come join us. It is $19.99 a month. Go to thendhive.com. And just come join us. It's $19.99 a month. No long-term contracts. Come in. We have people that will come in and then not be here all summer because they've got too much to do and family things and kids home from school, and they come in and out as they need. Do that. Come join us. We want you to have fun. We want you to have the support because we weren't meant life to do. We were not meant to do life alone.