Face to Face = Less Overwhelm when you are #Neurodivergent #facetofaceconnections #communitymatters

Good morning, everyone. I hope you're having an awesome day today. So we're talking about getting together face-to-face and how important that is for when you're neurodivergent. Actually, it's not even Just being neurodivergent and needing community. Everybody needs a village. We don't have that. And I've talked about a lot lately having that third space. In Europe, people have their third place. They have their third community that they get together with. They have work, they have family, and then they, they go to the local—

They have friends.

They go to the coffee shop, they go to the town square, they go to the park, and they meet up with people. Outside of their immediate family and their work people. And we just don't have that in the US, and it is causing so much overwhelm.

I, I completely agree. And you talk to people that are not from the United States, they are confused by like tactics, right, about just life in general. So we have hustle culture, right? You just work, work, work. We all feel guilty— not all of us, but a lot of us feel really guilty if we take any time for ourselves or And I think that is why maybe we don't have that third group, that friend group that has nothing to do with our jobs, that has nothing to do with our family, and that we go like some things with them. And my own parents, my dad would say like, why do I need friends? I have several relatives that I talk to and that's enough. And it's like, yes, but to be a fully formed functional adult, we need input from these different buckets. And one of them are people that are just your friend because they've chosen to be, right? And not because you work with them or because family, because those are friends of close proximity. It's different.

It, yeah, it is different. And we often, especially when you're neurodivergent and this is non-neurodivergent people tend to be able to find friend groups. They join clubs, they play golf, and these aren't things that neurodivergents tend to love to do, it's hard for us to build that community, to build that village, to build our internal support tribe. And that's why face-to-face things are so freaking important. And I, as much as we provide like ways to get together via Zoom a week and things like that, that's not—

No.

Completely not enough. We need to be getting together face-to-face, and that's why we've created our retreat. Yes, we keep going back between Birth Between Calling and a conference and a retreat and a training and all of that, because it's all of those things and it's hard to pick one. So important to get together face to face. The neurodivergents that I have met face to face and I've been able to just be with without explaining myself, without apologizing for myself, without masking, all of those things have become some of my closest friends. And those are the ones I get together face to face with.

Well, or even like COVID changed the face of the way a lot of us interact with people. It just did. And so I was already working in a hybrid online environment when COVID hit. So my life for that did not change. Like I got up, I did Zooms every day. I did all the things, but people were also doing that for their social time. And so, which is great. We all had to survive it, but now that that is Over, people realize that they could do that and be social and not— which I'm not discounting that if you have people that live far away from you and you still want to be social. Like, I have a coaching client that I helped her set up a digital coffee date. So her and one of her girlfriends that live 3 states away, they have virtual coffee like every morning and she loves it. But there's something to be said about face-to-face interactions because Danielle and I were able to get together briefly for a dinner a month or two ago. And it was wonderful, but it was so different. And it, I think it makes the bonds richer.

Oh yeah, absolutely. And bringing you into my world because we met and we ate at my favorite place to eat and she got to talk, see where a little more of the area that I'm from. And we got to point, those connections are really important. And even though A year ago, last November, we got together. We did a road trip together. You want to solidify relationships? Put three ND women in a vehicle together for seventeen hours.

That was a long-ass drive.

It is a long-ass drive, but it was so much fun.

It was.

And Vida and I spent three days together at the conference, and then we had seventeen hours home that we spent. So much time talking. And Vida and I will tell you that we will be lifelong friends. And there are stories to go with that trip that we will never forget. And we are officially tall enough to not be in booster seats. Just have to tell everybody that. According to the— I think we're both only about this far above the line, but hey, we are above the line. But that face-to-face together time is amazing. And we met Jessica at the conference. And now we hang out and talk to each other all day. Her and I were talking at 10 o'clock last night and it was her 10th anniversary. We were still talking at 10 o'clock. Yeah. And I do the same thing. We're texting each other all weekend. Like face-to-face people, I've developed much stronger relationships. I did 2 years ago, I did a retreat with a group of women that I had never met face-to-face before. And now we just check in with each other. We call each other. We make sure that we're on— we're doing okay. We're like, relationships are just so strong. And I can't wait to be able to have Vida close because I, I've determined Vida's moving closer to me, just so y'all know. She hasn't decided it yet, but I have. Once she does, we can go to the movies together.

Yeah.

We can go torture bands at bars together and heckle construction workers. The bookstore. Yeah, a lot of time at the— and there are 12 bookstores within 20 minutes.

Oh yeah, craft stores.

And those relationship connection pieces are huge. And this weekend we get to spend all day Saturday together. I know.

And yes, it's a work thing. However, you can't spend that much time together and not like friendship stuff in, you know? Absolutely.

So this is why we have our trip. To Disney World. It is about learning. We're going to show you how to do a million things. We've gone over that 100 times. I'm not going to go through that now, but it is ultimately to build your strong village because we all need a village. We don't have them. And our families, we're usually the black sheep of our families. So our families are not part of our village.

Well, and it's the funniest thing too, as a neurodivergent person, when you make friends that like, Okay. I don't mean the surface level friends that we all have because we're masking. Like the people that call you every now and then, or see, and they're like, oh, how are you? And you're like, I'm fine. And you immediately ask them a question about them so that they don't ask more questions about you. A neurodivergent friend that you make and you look at them and you're around them and you're like, oh, you're like me.

Yeah.

Because those turn into like hyper-focused friends. Because you're like, it feels so nice to be in their presence because I don't have to mask and I can say stuff and they don't look at me weird or like I'm rude or whatever. And so that's what Danielle is for me.

And that's what Vida is for me. It's hard. Other people I have to be careful with how I talk about. My car. My car is a sore subject with one of my friends because I have A cute expensive car, which I honestly has zero to do with the brand of car I have. It was the fact that it was a tiny little red convertible. My husband laughs at me and he's like, you really don't care what the badge on the car is. I'm like, no, I like the fact that it was a little tiny red convertible and the other one I drove was too big and I didn't like it.

And you kept getting pulled over because they thought you were a kid.

Yeah, I think it's surprising because I've gotten pulled over because I'm too short. Anyway, having friends I can just talk about that stuff and not feel guilty because I have a friend that makes me feel guilty about that. I have a friend or somebody in my family that makes me feel really guilty because I moved. I have a friend that makes me feel guilty because I talk about Disney World too much. I talk—

okay. I have been told that I talk about a lot of things too much. And anytime I, I see, I saw something the other day that talked about neurodivergent people, about when we meet people, especially as adults, because we've learned all these coping skills, like we give people little pieces of us as like we're testing them to see if they're okay with it. And then if we get any pushback and then we're just like, okay, there's the line. And we don't give them any more of ourselves after that. Because it's not safe.

We hold back, we mask, which it takes a lot of energy for us and stress. And it's not the same as our neurodivergent friends. So how do you build face-to-face connections? In a safe way.

I have a theory about this because I've talked to my daughter recently about this. You have to go where your people are, right? And because I think that lessons— now, for those of us out there that have social anxiety and different things, like, it's scary, right? My daughter's 17, she's getting ready to be 18, and she was homeschooled. And so she wants to make friends, but she doesn't really know where to go. So we looked on Meetup for things of her interest area, one that's like book nerds bowling league or whatever. And it's like, oh, that sounded fun. You know, I am definitely not gonna make her go places by herself if she doesn't want to, but like we can all go as a group and see if this fits, you know? So look for things in your interest area and see if there's an activity that you can do that's low level so that you can test the water.

The other thing is have somebody else make the introductions. I will tell you, your extroverted giving friend is the person to introduce you to other people and help you build your community.

Yeah. Everybody has at least one of those.

And in your case here, if you hang out with us, it's both Vada and I. A lot of times it really is. It took me a while to build my neurodiverse. I collected introverted friends for years. I collected them because they were easy to collect. I didn't realize they were all neurodivergent for a long time, but I collected introverts because they were like, they were scared and they had a hard time fitting into social things. And I would drag them out to the bar with me to go see my husband's band, and I would drag them out to lunch, and I would— and then I realized after a while, oh, I'm collecting neurodivergents like Beanie Babies or something. Um, my word this week for collecting, I guess.

Beanie Babies, you said it a lot. Yeah.

It's so important to have that bridge person. We need that bridge person. And that is part of what we're doing now at Disney World is creating that bridge.

Yeah.

Are those bridge people for you? We're going to, one, help you find a roommate that you can really get very, very close to. 2, we're going to create a Slack channel for you all to talk to each other before we get anywhere. And for you to continue to talk to from now until the day you die, you aren't going to get kicked out or anything. You will have that. Slack channel available to you to continue to chat with each other. We're also going to create an area in our online community specifically for those of you that go to Disney World so you can hang out and get to know each other and share memes and do whatever it is you want to do. And we're giving you a year of group coaching so that you as a group can continue to hang out and you get 4 days in Disney World. And if you don't know what to talk about, talk about the Disney character, talk about what ride you want to go on, talk about what food you want to eat next. Those are good and easy and safe conversations to have to start out.

Yeah. If you have one of those extroverted friends, it's like you two have the same hyperfocus and discuss.

Yes. And we're going to have pins and buttons and things of my hyperfocus is, and you could write in whatever your hyperfocus of the day is. Mine might change day to day while we're there. You never know. It's not going to be Star Wars or Disney World. That's all there is to it. You can create, we're going to create the safe space for you So that you are less overwhelmed with the thought of doing a trip like this.

Yeah. We're taking care of the things. Like we don't need you to take care of the things. We're taking care of all the things. All you have to do is pack and show up. And if you need help with the packing list, we can do that too. But you just have to show up and we've got you like 100% got you. And we've got all the activities planned. We've made sure that everyone's going to be able to eat. Like if you don't know what to do, We can help you with that. And you know, free time, like it doesn't matter because we've totally got you. It is basically summer camp for neurodivergent people. It is.

Created safe spaces. So we've hired Jessica and you've seen Jessica go live with us a few times. Jessica is actually there to help you get out of overwhelm. If you're overwhelmed with the noise, the sight, the sounds, whatever, Jessica actually has a plan set up for taking care of you for that. That's who she is. That's why we're bringing her with us. She is amazing and she is awesome and she knows Disney like every cranny of Disney. So she knows where all of the good things are. We have hired an agent who specifically helps with disability travel to Disney World, like is what she does, which is really amazing. They have all kinds of flyers for us and worksheets for us and tips and tricks and everything ahead of time. And we have packing lists for you. So you don't have to figure out what your packing list is. We have one for you. We're gonna help you find your safe foods. We're going— if you have food allergies, we're going to help, help you fill out the paperwork for the food allergies ahead of time so you know safe places to eat are. Like, all of that's taken care of.

That's great.

You'll have a MagicBand so you can get in and outta your room without having a card or a thing or a code to remember all of that. I bought wipe-off or wristbands. They're like the slap wristbands for you to write on and to write your room number on and things that you needed to remember through the day that you could just wear on your wrist or you could put on your backpack or in your pocket. Because I never remember where my room is. Yeah, I have number issues. I won't remember what the number of my room is, and they all look the same to me, so I'm not gonna do that.

I've also been watching a lot of The Love Boat, and so I'm really up to speed on my cruise director type tasks, so I could have a clipboard with that stuff.

Well, I, I watched WALL-E last night, so I'm watching every Disney movie possible to make sure that I have all of the tips that tricks in my head. But we've created this space for you so that you can have face-to-face things. So you are less overwhelmed when we have a village, when we build our tribe, we get together with them, our overwhelm decreases. And somebody found the stat for me. Gina, thank you. Gina found the stat for me. It decreases by 80% when we have a village.

Yeah.

I could do to feel less, 80% less overwhelmed day to day.

Oh, I definitely could. It would be— even us, and we help run the village, right? We get overwhelmed sometimes. And what happens when neurodivergent people get overwhelmed? We withdraw into ourselves because that's always been our safe place. And there's nothing wrong with that for a short time. It's when it turns into a long time that we have more issues because there's nobody to help lift us out of it or help us lift ourselves out of it.

You know, when we have our tribe, When we have our village, we truly are able to unmask, be free, be less shame, have less shame, and really overcome all of the things that are overwhelming us because we're not by ourselves. Even if you are overwhelmed, because we all get overwhelmed every single day. I still do every single day. Even with all these tips and tricks, I can go to Vida and I could say, okay, help. And they could talk me down.

Mm-hmm.

Remind me to eat, drink water, go breathe, you know, things that I forget to do. So what is your tribe? Who is your village? Do you need help building one? Come join us because you could join us for $19.99 a month. You could join us in Disney World. We have every single system for you already in place to get you out of overwhelm.

Yeah.

Know how to do the thing. You just can't get yourself out of the overwhelm.

Yeah, you can definitely do the thing. Sometimes you just have to have people remind you that you can do the thing.

I just have to have people to remind me to drink things, eat things, go to the bathroom, breathe, you know, the basics that I never seem to get myself. So having that village is so important to living a better life. And you're too far away, but we need to get together and see movies. There are so many movies coming out this summer.

Oh, Fall Guys coming out this weekend.

That's this weekend?

Yeah.

That's not happening this weekend. I won't have it.

I made my kids watch all the old Fall Guys.

Do that to my son. So we used to make him watch old movies. The only one he will never forgive us for is Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

Oh yeah.

Cheesy movie nights all the time.

Uh-huh. We found a bunch of crazy ones because it's like, your kid's like, I haven't seen that. And I'm like, well, I can fix that.

That's easy. My husband had never seen Herbie movies. Well, let's sit through all of those Herbie movies.

He's like, oh my gosh.

Those are like the Three Stooges on steroids and even more ridiculous. Yes, they are.

Yeah.

Our guy, how can you have not seen the Herbie movies?

Right, this is a precursor to Knight Rider, man.

Dude, yes, I need to watch Knight Rider again. I haven't watched that.

Yeah, I love all those old shows. Some of them do not age well, but I love some of those old shows. Like The Fall Guy, like, it reminded me of my dad because my dad was like this super adventurous guy and he was always getting So watch The Fall Guy, and I know even from being a little kid I can sing the whole theme song. And so we bought one of those ridiculous plastic, like, microphones that they give little kids, and Dakota and I were taking turns singing it in the living room, and Tucson's like, I can't be here for this.

I just didn't— that was not a thing. Yeah, husband gets embarrassed when we— we're home alone and he gets annoyed or embarrassed Or a combination of those that I sing along with every Disney movie, like song in every Disney movie ever. He's like, how do you know? You can't remember to go to the bathroom and eat lunch, and you know every word to every song in every Disney movie. Yep.

Okay. I also remember, like, I don't remember everything, and I don't remember it if it's not in the context of watching the movie, but I can quote all the movies. Like, I just— and like I turned around, I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, I was saying that out loud because I'm— it's annoying, right? Like trying to watch the movie and you're just sitting here like—

A Princess Bride comes up in conversations constantly. Princess Bride, Marvel movies, Lord of the Rings movies. Star Wars is a huge thing in my house because my poor husband, who didn't mind Star Wars before, has now seen them all 9,000 times because I watch them at least 3 times a year. When you have a village that understands you, you get relationships just like this, and your family isn't always that.

Yeah.

Come and join us at Disney World. We've got so many fun things going on, and tickets are going up again in— at the end of this month. So they go up another $250. We have weekly payments, we have monthly payments, we have third-party options to pay. And if you have HSA and FSA, you can use parts of your funds to pay for this trip because it is a health and wellness retreat. That is the point of this retreat. It's for your health, it's for your wellness, it's for your mindset, it is for your brain. So come and join us. I hope you have an amazing day, everyone.