February slump

Come on.

And we are live, even though it doesn't tell us. Of course we're live. I hope you're having an awesome day today. It's Danielle and Brits today from NDL Loud, and we are talking the February slump.

It's real.

It is so real. And I don't even live in the cold north anymore, and it's still very much real.

Yeah, it's interesting. I see it showing up less for me and more for my clients. I noticed I'm trying to analyze why that is in my brain, right?

Yeah, I could tell you why.

Maybe I don't need to right now.

So I always thought, like, previously I thought it really had to do with, like, seasonal affective disorder and really affecting us and all of that. But I now live in the Deep South where we— I mean, this time of year we have a ton of rain, but today it's gonna be 70 and sunny, and a couple weeks ago it was 80 and sunny. So it's like, yeah, frequent breaks from that dull, dreary ick. And, and I don't like— I was trying to think of it the other day, like, did I feel like this last year living here? Or the— I mean, I've been here about 4 and a half years now. Have I felt like this previously? And I think I have. I think I felt this February slump of nothing cool to look forward to in February. Oh, and, and what I mean cool to look forward to is like in January it was my birthday and I went to Disney World for a week, so I I had a vacation and I had things to look forward to. In February, I had—

A lot of us were writing poems. The new year. It's a new year.

Yeah, exactly. In February, I've had zero cool things.

Oh.

I've had a lot going on business-wise. It's good and awesome and amazing. But like in my personal life, like nothing, not even a cool thing to do on the weekend. So I'm trying to analyze, is that why I feel so slumped? I don't know. I mean, I honestly don't know, but my clients are definitely feeling it. Like, yeah, I'm seeing a lot of depression. I'm seeing— well, in our current— not to get into politics, but it's really affecting everybody's mental health a lot right now.

Yeah. It's a lot of people feel that there's a lot of political instability and it's not just in the United States.

No, it's worldwide.

I want to point out that even my international clients are feeling there's a shift and transitions perceived or real are very challenging.

Well, and we don't know where we stand. There's a lot of things going on when, especially as someone who has mental health issues, ADHD, autism, what, neurodivergence, whatever, that has us questioning where our safe spaces are right now.

Yeah, absolutely.

And I don't care where you are. And again, this is not a political statement. This is, I don't care where you are, whether you're Republican, Democrat, independent, Jewish, from France, from UK. Everybody is feeling this right now because we don't know where, where is safe right now. And I think that right now that really contributes to it. But the other part is February just always seems to be a February slump.

February slump.

So what are you telling your clients? Because I need help. What are you telling your clients to get out of February slump?

Well, okay, so this is the time of the year where I often hear like, I don't know if it's time for me to start making big changes and like change my life right now with coaching. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's revisit what coaching can be. Yes, you have goals and we are working towards those.

And also Coaching.

This is the time of year where people feel like coaching is one more thing, when in reality coaching is meant to be a container where you can process all the things, you know, not in a therapy way, in a coaching way. But, you know, I say to my clients, the coaching space is a space that where you can bring all the mess from everything else and help to make it easier, right? People say like, oh, I keep putting off my laundry. I don't know if coaching is one more space. Okay, why are you gonna do your laundry if we don't have a session today? Probably not. I'll probably just avoid it. Okay, well, what if our session is used for body doubling? We chat while you do your laundry.

Oh.

Oh, I think also too, this is where a lot of people kind of like skid to a halt after the holiday season. So we have December, November is a huge thing. January, we have the new year. Everyone's riding high. It's kind of like the descent. And then February is when like the wheels of the plane come down and people are like, oh, I'm back.

I don't want to have to do like nothing again. The not having things, little things to look forward to, I think is a big thing for us.

It's a huge thing. So you need to create those things to look forward to. It doesn't have to be big. It does not have to be Christmas level big, right? If that's what you're thinking, it can be as small as like it's See my friend for coffee tomorrow, or I'm gonna try a new restaurant. I mean, most of mine are food in terms of—

Oh yeah, most of mine are new restaurants, and, and, and I'm still exploring the state I live in. So going out and just exploring and doing things, but even doing something like what's going on at the local library today and having a thing to look for, a target to look forward to in your week.

So important. I think also too, something that I've noticed is all of my clients, not all, a lot of my clients, um, you know, may not be seeing progress they wanted, or they're running into situations that they don't anticipate, and the all-or-nothing instinct in their brain is, I'm not cut out for this, I just need to quit. Um, Kind of remember that February is winter and most animals rest more in winter. Like, perhaps this is a sign for you to slow down and rest as opposed to quitting. That's okay. We just came off some really intense months. It's normal that you would need that.

Yeah. Oh yeah, absolutely. And I think understanding that rest It looks very different for all of us. Do you need a squirrel rest? Do you need squirrel rest, which is do 12,000 things in one day and just going where your brain leads and not completing a darn thing? Great. Or do you need sleep? Do you need to sleep in on Saturday and not set an alarm and have your partner take the dog out for the walk and just plan that ahead of time? Or do you need to stay up until 5:00 AM and then go And allow your body that nighttime crazy circadian rhythm that we don't get to normally allow ourselves.

Yeah. How can we embrace kind of like the free fall that is February?

Yeah, exactly. But again, having little things to look forward to. Like—

Absolutely.

And is a book coming out that you want to read? That's something to look— put it on your calendar. Don't just like keep it in the back of your mind. Put it on your calendar with stars and stripes and fireworks and, and, and like look at it as something to look forward to.

Amen. I— one of my friends just adopted a new cat and invited me over to meet her tonight, so I've been looking forward to that for days now.

That's awesome. Meet that— your friend for coffee. Go out on a date with your significant other, whatever that looks like.

And it—

I think something— and I had this conversation with a client last week. They're like, well, we can't afford to do that. Yes, you can. Date nights don't include spending $100 on a dinner and buying— You don't have to spend You don't have to spend anything. I think my husband and I still talk about this and we, we don't have to be careful of what we're spending on things now. We're older. Our son has grown and gone. We're financially stable, but we had a date that we did when we were broke. We were so broke when we were first married. When we first got married, my husband worked at McDonald's.

Okay.

Cause we were young.

Okay.

So we could not afford diddly squat. When we first got married, and we did a snack around every fast food restaurant. We got fries from McDonald's and back when they were so good. Yes, Frosty from Wendy's and chicken nuggets from like Burger King. Like, and we I think we spent a total of maybe ten bucks, which was still a big deal to us back then. Yeah, but we had so much fun and we still do things like that.

That is so sweet.

And it's fun.

It is fun. That reminds me of a, um, a really fun date that my wife and I went on. Um, we went to the mall and I created like a silly scavenger hunt. Um, so like a couple holding hands, something that reminds you of your partner. Wearing something purple, right? So we had to take pictures of all the things, but we couldn't buy anything. Completely free. And like, my wife makes— could make friends with a brick wall. So of course she was getting all the like mall employees in on it. They're having a blast. And I'm just running around like a squirrel with my head cut off. But it was really funny and we just got to sit and compare our pictures. At the end of the day, and we had stories to go with everything, right?

And I've done like my husband and I, when my son was little, again, we were broke. We would get dollar Frosties from Wendy's and we would go on a scavenger hunt.

That is awesome.

And we lived in New York, so the weather was terrible 8 months out of the year. So we would do it from the window of the car.

Hell yeah! My parents, um, Costco has not changed their hot dog prices, y'all. My parents used to go every Friday night for dinner at Costco and get a hot dog and soda because they loved it. I don't know why they stopped that tradition when I came around because I would have loved that too. So I can start it again for myself.

And my husband and I do that now. I mean, we'll go and buy a whole pizza for $10 at Costco and Go and sit in the park and eat it. You have to bring joy in. And I think that the February slump is part of, again, we're getting back to things, we're resting. We're so worried that we spent so much money on Christmas and all of that, that we're not, we're not allowing ourselves to live normal life. I think we're restricting ourselves in February, and I think that's part of it.

I think February is a great time to ask, like, what are all the things you wanted to do during the holiday season that you were like, I'm too busy, I'm traveling that day? You're like, yeah, yeah, read that book, go to that museum exhibit, take your dog to the dog park across town, right? Like, all those things that you were feeling too busy to do, now is the time to do them. And now is the time for grace. It is most People are not feeling super chipper and aggressively productive in February, especially those of us who live in climates that are colder. Like, embrace your humanity. Winter is time for resting. There's a reason bears hibernate in the winter.

Yes. But hibernating for us doesn't necessarily mean isolation. Like, some of us need to isolate. I have clients that really do need that February complete and total isolation because they've Overstimulated for the last couple months and they need complete and total isolation. Other of us need those things to look forward to, need those social things to look forward to.

Yes. And it doesn't always have to be in terms of social things. It doesn't always have to be an intense party or one-on-ones. Sometimes for me, social means going to a community event. Where I don't necessarily have to talk to anyone, but I'm around other people.

I can go sit at Barnes Noble and just read a book and be in with people and not talk to a single person the whole entire time I'm there, other than Starbucks to order my whatever I'm gonna drink. But other than that, I may not talk to anyone the whole entire time I'm there, and I might not even read a book. I might bring my phone and watch TikTok videos. I might Work on writing a blog post or whatever for work. Just being in the energy of other people can be really helpful for me sometimes.

Oh my God, I'm the same way. It's— I'm so glad it's like warming up a little bit where I live and the snow is gone because even just like walking to CVS to pick up my prescription or like walking down to the package room, just passing other people.

Oh, just the energy of being with other people, even if you don't communicate with them, is— can be huge for us. Because we do, we're a lot more sensitive to that than a neurotypical person is. And it's a dopamine hit to change your scenery.

It is. Oh my God, it is. It's my favorite dopamine hit.

That's one of the things that I'm having a harder time with is because I'm less mobile, I can't always drive anymore. And I live far enough away, like 5 minutes away from stores, so I can't easily get to them otherwise. But I need that social energy. Going to the grocery store is a highlight of my day sometimes. And I hate grocery shopping, just putting that out there. It's my least favorite thing to do. But sometimes it really helps.

Yeah.

So what do you need to get out of the slump is the question. Do you— are you self-aware enough to know what you need or how to find what you need? And that's where a coach can come in. We can help you figure out what it is. Like, I'll do, um, like dopamine menu. What does the dopamine menu look like for you? When, if this, then this. So if having a hard time focusing, these are the dopamine hits that you need. If having, if you're in a slump, this is what you need and help you create basically a checklist so you don't have to think about it. And there's no decision fatigue when it comes to thinking about what you need when you need the thing.

Yes.

Because when I'm in a slump or frustrated or whatever, I cannot think myself at all.

Yeah. I was actually, I was just talking to a client about this. They're saying, so much of my mental energy at work is organizing and planning that when I get home, the thought of even planning a little bit is how I'm going to do my home responsibilities. I'm so tired. And this is where, again, a coach can come in and help facilitate that with you and/or recommend the tools that we know of to help you, right? Like, there's so many planning and organizing tools out there. We'd love to recommend some to you to help with that cognitive fatigue. Like, please, we're ADHDers. If we like something, we want to share it.

Absolutely. And, and some of them don't require you to do anything other than quickly type in your— all of the things that you're overwhelmed with and tell it, I'm overwhelmed, I have ADHD, tell me what to do. And it will tell you what order to do it in, how long it will take.

Sure will.

And it's awesome. And I know I use ChatGPT constantly. I've used Goblin Tools. I don't like how Goblin Tools looks. It annoys me. It's too '90s looking.

Um, see, I enjoy the nostalgia of it, not gonna lie.

I just see if as a software ex-software engineer, because I refuse to do that anymore, that stuff bothers me. It just gets on my nerves. Like, why can't you update this, make this better? And I like— I just like ChatGPT's very list format. Like, it's easier for my brain. There's less going on, so it bothers me less. But, but knowing— but I could tell a client this, this is Goblin Tools. If you like this, then you'll love that. And if you don't, you can use this. And there's also like Habitica, Habitica, and there's, and there's, and there's— like, there are so many options out there that I can tell you because I tried them all. I love trying out new software and it— but having someone—

I finally tried out, uh, Finch for the first time.

Did you like Finch?

Personally, no, but I see the appeal.

See, I, I'm the same way with Finch. Okay, but I had a client that as soon as I tried it out, I had a client that I was like, oh, you should try this out, you would love this. Yeah.

Yes. And I have a better idea of why my clients who enjoy it enjoy it and who it may be a better fit for now that I've played around with it.

And there's so many options out there. If you like to handwrite, I've got 20 options for you. If you like an app, I've got 20 options for you. If you want to use your computer, but you don't want to buy something, I've got 20 options for you. But those things are the things that can help get us out of those lumps, is having somebody else be that executive function or that decision-making person to tell us and head us in the right direction.

Absolutely. Absolutely.

And even I have been relying on my, my coach a lot this month. Because I need somebody else to think for me. And we all have those moments. I know Brit has had those moments. And you were— you had an Instagram or a TikTok, or I don't remember what you used it for, that the pro— you're procrastinating. I'm like, no, I'm older than you, I got you. But, but understanding that there are other people that understand that Yes, it's so relaxing to just like—

It is.

But knowing that other people get you, again, it comes back to that community and having a safe space and a person that understands how your brain works and is not going to judge you for it.

And we'll call you out for judging you for it.

Yeah, I will yell at you for judging yourself. I went live with Shay, one of our other coaches, and I could not remember her name. And she thought it was the funniest thing ever that I couldn't remember her name and it was on screen.

We love a moment.

And she, instead of being offended or frustrated with me for not remembering her name, she just thought it was the funniest thing ever. That's what that is.

Yeah. You know, I've recently had some clients, you know, we talk about the things they had wanted to do the week before, their next steps, and they'll say to me, I'm so sorry I didn't do this. And I'm like, what? You don't owe me an apology. You wanted to do this for you. So either you decided it was no longer useful— I want to hear about why and like what led you to that conclusion— or you forgot. Okay, how can we create A reminder that works for you, or you tried it and you ran into a roadblock. Okay, let's talk about that. Like, you don't have to apologize to me for anything. What do you need?

It's having community is such a huge part of acceptance of myself.

Amen.

It really is, because I thought I was broken. I was frustrated. I was trying to follow the newest organizing guru because somebody said that they're going to help me get organized, or the newest planner, or all of those things. But by finding a community of other people like me, even if Brit's things are different than my things, And these things are different than my things and different from Brit's things.

They will be sometimes.

And that's fine, but we still all get each other or can accept each other in the space that we're in.

Yeah.

And I'm supposed to be the head coach here and the one with all of the answers and, and run a whole entire company. I've got, what, 8 coaches, 7? I don't even know how many coaches and software being developed in 2 different sides. And then new things started and like, I've got all of these things going on. But I can go to my team and say, "I cannot function today. Can somebody please tell me what I was supposed to do today? Because I don't know." And that's okay. I don't always have to be the high achieving perfection person in this community because this community gets me. And we can.

February slump. Hey, welcome to the club. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with you. Exactly. I mean, there might be, but it's not because of this.

Yeah, it might be because you forgot to eat or sleep or drink some water. Did you, did you eat breakfast this morning? I haven't yet, but I had it scheduled. For after this call. So, oh my God, same, Dee, because I had too many things going on this morning, so I didn't eat yet. But understanding that finding your— find your community, find the person that gets you. And your bestie, believe it or not, is not always the best person for that.

Not always.

Can they be really great and your ride-or-die person for everything else? Yes. But if your bestie is ADHD, I'm suggesting you find another person to bring into the group for the ADHD help because the bestie can feed the ADHD. Ask my bestie. We feed off of each other and then we get nothing done.

What's up?

And my husband is the same. He's neurodivergent too. And some days we just support each other's neurodivergency. And nobody's organized, and we forget to eat. And the dog is like, what the heck, you forgot me. And like, sometimes you need that outside person. And having the outside person taught me to ask for help too.

Yeah. And I think that's a, you know, when we talk about coaches, outside person, if you are unaccustomed to asking for help. You know, the coaching relationship is a really safe place to practice that. We're never going to judge you. A good coach won't judge you. Yeah. You know, but we can explore the barriers to asking for help. You're welcome. All my clients are welcome to ask for help in as messy a way as they need to.

Some of my favorite questions from clients are, I need something. I don't know what that is, but I need something. Great. Let's figure it out. So what is the one thing that you want somebody to walk away with and understand about February slump and a tip for getting out of it.

I'm trying to formulate how I want to say this. Pausing is And pausing does not equal quitting.

Well, I'll say before I overcomplicate it, look for something to look forward to and hype it up even if it's not a big thing. Even if it's to go to the bookstore and pull a book off the shelf and not pay for it, and not buy that Starbucks drink, and just sit on the floor and read for a few minutes in somebody else's energy. Go for it. Well, Mom, I hope you got something out of today. If you need help, if you're looking for a coach, message Brit or I. We are more than willing to help anytime. We We have the space. Come join a community of people that get you. See you next week, I hope.

Bye.