Listening is Acceptance

Good morning, everyone. I hope you're having an amazing day, and I hope that everything is just amazing. Today is Tuesday, April 16th, 2024, and we have Dr. Jessica and Coach Vida here just as normal. And we're talking about listening is accepting because there is a lot going on in the neurodivergent world with not being accepting or, or accepting what we see in a title and not actually researching it enough, or, or, or, or a lot of RSD is coming up around this. A lot of things are coming up. So Jessica actually brought this topic as one we should talk about today. So you dive in first. Where did this all come from?

So, oh, so this weekend, a whole thing blew up. And I'm not going to name names, because I'm sure if you look it up, you'll find it, that an individual just said some information supposedly that the whole neurodivergent community just like, I mean, went on fire after this person. And we need to like, we need to be more supportive, not just jumping on the negativity. We have so much negativity in this world. And we're already dealing with so many things within ourselves and, you know, imposter syndrome and RSD and just having a hard time. Why do we want to make more negativity? And why do we want to pose those judgments before fully understanding? I mean, it is so easy to just quickly jump on the bandwagon of, oh, you're bad. Oh, this is wrong. Why don't we just instead Instead, let's conversate. And the individuals even come out and try to apologize, and then people are even bashing on his apology. And it's just like, oh my goodness, if we can't accept people trying to learn and educate each other, what are we doing? Like, it just— it was hurting my heart. So that's why I wanted to bring it up.

It's such— I mean, there's so much of people just not Yeah. And it's, it's not a matter of— we know there are so many people that just aren't willing to even listen. You either see things from their viewpoint and their viewpoint only, even in the neurodiverse community, which, hello. And their viewpoint is the only viewpoint in the way they want things said or how they want things explained or the title or the diagnosis or the whatever is the only thing they will accept. And I'm going to come at this from a very different thing. I am ADHD.

You never know what's going to come out of my mouth.

The words may not be the right words. They may not be the right order. They may not be— it may not make sense. And then after I think about it, of course RSD is going to come up and, and I'm going to be like, oh my God, I shouldn't have said it that way. Why did I say it that way? Oh, I couldn't think of the word and I used the wrong complete word. If a neurodivergent person is talking and they're talking to a neurotypical person who doesn't understand that process, that's a big problem. Yeah, I mean, bigger problem when you've got neurodivergent people who won't A neurodivergent person doing that. And that, that happens to me actually a pretty decent amount.

But I think—

I mean, oops, go ahead.

I think, I think part of the problem is that, okay, I find it really interesting that they're always— and I say they're because I'm just speaking of personal experiences— like, I have been told my entire life, I need— like, I was too emotional, like I needed to regulate myself, or My personal favorite, my dad would be like, I can't understand you when you're emotional like that. Like, I had to, like, you know, shut down. That was just him, right? Okay, we know that there's some problems with that. But anyway, so I have been taught my entire life to try to regulate my emotions to communicate. But on the flip side of that coin, neurotypicals have not received that message, or they haven't received it as much. So the amount of interactions that I have with people, workplace, personal life, this, that, and the other, from neurotypicals or even undiagnosed neurodivergence, everybody is responding from an emotional place. Like, that's why they don't listen, because it's like, oh no, this— like, they're defensive. It triggers RSD. Like, they They have to get their point across. They have to do that. But it's like, see, I carry that amazing ADHD thing. So I can just be like, I'm gonna flip this little light switch here. And then I'm just gonna be super logical about it, right? And when I'm super logical about it, and I say sometimes, like, I need you to put on your Spock hat, because I need people to come at it. from a non-emotional standpoint. And like, if I can lay it out, like, here are the facts, then that's what I'm going with. But people, people put their emotional responses on us, and it's like, no, no, no, no. Like, I even have to preface it. I have to preload things so that people don't emotionally respond to me. Like, at a place that I worked for, I would have to say I am just brainstorming, because if I did not, it would be met with immediate defensiveness and emotional response. And that was not my intent at all. Like, we were problem solving, so I was problem solving out loud, and, and people had a problem with it. But if I prefaced it with, I'm just brainstorming, it was much more Well, it was just what better received.

Yeah, I've, I've gone through all of that because yeah, we can do the little light switch and be like, and then you get the response, why can you act like there's no big deal? And it's just like, right, it's like, you know what is a big deal? I'm keeping my face, trying to keep my face out of this conversation, right?

And And when you do, then it's a problem on the other end. It's like, you don't feel anything about this? And it's like, damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. So it's— I mean, definitely we need to work on listening, like really just, you know, calm down those reactive monsters in the body, head, mind, soul. And actively listen and remember with each other to slow down. Like, try not to do an information throw-up. Like, do a point and make sure the other person has got that point. Like, really active.

Do you know I had to— okay, I had in a, in a completely different, uh, pocket of my life So, and we were talking about like when you have an interviewee like on a podcast, and I was like, it's like a ping pong match, you— or tennis. I'm like, you say something, you give them time to respond, and then you respond. Because it was like, when does who speak what? And, and then I, I started thinking about that and I was like, do you know how many people don't know that? Oh, yeah.

Absolutely. Or just people just, they want to be heard, but they don't realize them throwing up their wanting to be heard, they're actually not being heard because eventually people lose interest too now. So you got to be engaging. You've got to have those pauses in there. And you've got to have that engagement if you want, want to be actually heard and understood.

Well, and we— We want people to hear us, so we have to create safety and space for people to talk and tell us things. But I'm not 100% sure that everyone knows that. So it's like they're also responsible for creating safety and space so that we can talk. And here's the other thing, it's super vulnerable, uh, admission, but But I do, if I know ahead of time that this person has a history of not listening to me, and when we get into a conversation, if I can tell that they're not listening to me, I will stop talking, or I will only give them surface-level information. It's like when someone's like, how are you doing? I'm like, oh, I'm fine.

Yeah. Yep. I totally understand that. And there are those, those safety features, right? You got to turn on. And, but within our own neurodivergent community, we need to really work on listening to each other if we want. We have to show it from within, right? If we want the whole larger community to listen. And if we're stepping on each other and talking over each other and saying, no, you can't say it that way. I mean, I mean, it's the whole, well, don't use the puzzle piece. So don't use this color. It's just like, Go back to the— if you met one neurodivergent person, you've met one neurodivergent person. Let everyone have their own voice. I like the puzzle piece. I do not think that— I'm not even going to say their name. They don't own it. I like it. I— because this was my thing as a kid, I would always steal one of the puzzle pieces so I could be the last person to finish the puzzle.

That's amazing.

I love that.

So that's, that's what it means to me is like, I was that finisher. I am that last person. I'm, I'm getting in there and haha, I finished it. So it means a whole different thing to me. And we've got to understand that words mean different to everybody. I mean, and then you put in culture and community, like things are different to different people. And we need to be accepting and listening of that. It's the same thing with I mean, and the big thing is like, let's look at the bigger picture. It's making sure people understand the word disability isn't a dirty word. Let's work on changing that word. Let's not worry about all the other words. It's okay to say disabled, disability, like—

And it's okay if you don't see your— it's okay if you don't see your ADHD or your autism today as a disability, and you see it as a superpower. I mean, that's one I get attacked on a whole lot. But superpowers are created. Very few, with the exception of Superman, who is not human. Superpowers in the superpower world are created. They are not born. You aren't born with it. And that is a big thing to me. And I get attacked for that one all of the time. ADHD isn't a superpower. It is when I have the right supports and I build all the things I need for it.

Yeah. But it also depends on— and I, and I, and I love Danielle to death, but, and I don't like the word superpower. And that's okay to have those differences. I just call them my strengths and my weaknesses. And that's where we need to have listening. If Danielle likes to say it, I'm not going to be like, no, Danielle, you can't say that. I'm like, that's stupid.

Exactly.

But see, I've been working on this with our 17-year-old. I'm like, I am allowed to have my opinion and it not be the same opinion as you. And this is our safe space to where I'm giving you space to have and own your opinion, but that It's, it's yin and yang here, then I have that. Because a lot of times when people are not listening and they're just flooding you with information, or they're argumentative, or they're defensive, they don't want to hear your opinion. They want to hear their opinion come out of your mouth.

Yeah, and that's what I— and I work on it with my 15-year-old. It's like I tell them, in the world, sometimes you're going to have people that just like to hear themselves talk. Yeah, and they're in, and you're gonna have to just learn to, you know, if it's just information that is not of importance or interest, you just kindly say, all right, I gotta go do something. Like, don't get argumentative with them because that's just going to make them go worse. And it's learning that balance. And, and I saw a quote from Albert Einstein. Okay, it said it was from him. I haven't looked up if it is. But it's like, true education is in the ability to change.

Yeah.

Yeah. So, and that's, that's where we need to learn that. Yeah, listen, and you may learn something new. So be willing to have that. Okay, I can change my idea on this. You don't have to be stuck. I mean, yes, we try to be stuck in our ways. We're ADHD. But at the same time, If it is logical, oh, okay, new thing learned in the box.

Well, and people want to be safe, seen, and heard. Everybody wants that, but they are sometimes unable to give it to others. It's like, but that, that's the thing. If we could just work on helping everyone be safe, seen, and heard, and then once you hear them And I, I've had to work on this with people too. It's like, what is the intent, right? The intent behind this in this message. Because people do get upset a lot of times. Like, oh, we have to work on this in our household all the time because there are 4 neurodivergent people. And it's like, yes, I told you to go clean your room. I'm sorry if my tone hurts your feelings. That was not my intent. My intent is solely to get you to clean the hovel that is your room. You know, it's like, it's like, I— it's a big picture thing. And a lot of us sometimes get very, uh, laser focused on one aspect of something or an end result, or— and, and so they're just like, then they just want to beat people over the head with it, like No, you cannot say disability and blah, blah, blah, blah. And we're going to— and it's like, okay, but was the person's intent to talk down to you, to invalidate you in some way? Or is that just their vocabulary that they're using to describe that because they have never been taught a different one? You know, like, it's just, I, I don't know. There's so many— there are so many people out here trying to spread misinformation. And I, as a former English teacher, it's like, let's consider the source. Let's consider the intent of this message. Let's consider these things, you know. Um, but that's because you listen, and then you take it in, and then you process it, and then you respond.

Yeah, and, and that goes back to, you know, we were talking about how media is using these titles to grab people's attention. And it's only part of it, like, oh, here's the cure-all to ADHD. It's like, and they're doing it to grab attention. And then people aren't reading the rest of it. And what is it actually about? And just taking the surface information. And it's like, There's causations, there's correlations, there's reactivity to things. And yes, there are things we can do. I mean, all the way down to diet. It's not a cure-all, but there's things that some people will react to more. I mean, I know me and my kid, man, if we get like certain food dyes, oh yeah, we can know it. Like, I— my brain will be just gone the rest of the day. If I'm having, you know, a sugar fiend wanting to eat sugar and I know it's not good for me, then I don't sleep good. I'm like jittery. My brain can't concentrate. My impulses are skyrocketing. But and I know this and I still eat it, but I know I feel better if I don't. Or processed foods. And it's like there are so many things in our life. It's if I if I'm sitting here playing on my phone, having the radio on, having the TV on, sometimes I can concentrate with all that and sometimes. I'm just like, okay, I'm just gonna be distracted by everything in the world and procrastinate today.

But that's not— it's not— that's not just a neurodivergent problem.

Yeah. No.

I mean, we're more aware of it, I think. And other people are more aware of it because they like to really like, oh my gosh, you didn't do anything. And it's like, Okay, so there is a, there is a scene from The Office where Dwight has been getting on to Jim about his efficiency. So Jim takes a stopwatch and clicks it every time Dwight is doing a non-office task, which obviously wacky hijinks ensue because it is a comedy. But the whole point is, is he is not efficient either. He's just loud and judgy. Right. So it's like, you know, unless you are just a rocket scientist at productivity, or we're moving to a deadline, and we're working on something, it's like, take a really good look at why exactly are you policing this person on X, Y, and Z?

Yeah, I had a workplace do something similar to that. And this is where it's like, they were getting on me about my productivity level. It was a production thing, and we had boxes that we had to bring in front of us to get parts out and then send the box away on a whole automated line. But also, one part of our job is when we got that box in front of us, we were supposed to look and count and make sure the correct parts were in the correct spots in these boxes. And most people messed it up and had things backwards. And of course, hello, attention to detail here gets way into it and fixes each box that comes to me. So That is productive. That is fixing, finding parts that were missing, finding— I mean, and these were like million-dollar parts. This was not like cheap stuff. But I got in trouble because I wasn't processing through as many boxes as everyone else. I'm like, yeah, because they're the ones sending them back all messed up and I'm fixing them. And then I got written up for, well, you're just pointing out everyone else's problems. I'm just like, Yeah, that was fun.

Been there, done that. I think the biggest thing is we ask people to accept us in the neurodivergent community. We want acceptance. We want people to let us be and say things the way we want to. And sometimes that is info dumping. Sometimes that's Not saying a word and just processing in the background. I mean, they can look— again, if you met one neurodivergent person, you met one neurodivergent person, and today I'm in processing mode. Yesterday I was not, I was in verbal dump mode. Every day can be different for every individual person. If you want acceptance yourself, you need to give it. And that is a really big thing that always astounds me. And this is one of those things that's very different. You've got the ADHD community, and then you have the ADHD female community. They are 2 different communities. Yeah, it is. It is. Um, Audi— ADHD males process very, very differently.

They—

it is very different. Uh, and the AudiHD community are the ones that are generally more accepting. And more willing to listen and step back and process and maybe not respond where the ADHD community wants that instant impulsivity. Yeah.

Give me, cut me now. Give me, cut me now.

But understanding that acceptance and what is it they need to be, Vida? They need to be seen.

Safe and heard.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's— we got to remember, it starts with us. If we're not giving that to others, how, you know, do unto others as you want them to do unto you. So like, for anyone out there, if you want to be safe, heard, and seen, and I totally seen, you need to exude that to others and understand that. Yes, these lovely ladies are ADHD like me, but all 3 of us are different. It's totally different. And that's what makes us awesome. But, and that's, that's finding, you know, finding that and accepting that from each other and listening and learning and being open. And yeah, and if you don't agree with someone, That safety to be able to tell them, hey, I don't agree. I hear what you're saying. You said this, but I don't agree with it because of this. And open that communication to try to— you can accept and listen to each other have totally different ideas and still get along. Like, I, I've got plenty of people that we have way different ideas about things. We love each other still.

Yep.

And it's okay to have different ideas. Every idea— there is no perfect idea. There's zero perfect idea in the world. There's zero perfect way of thinking. There's zero perfect anything. So accept all of them.

Yeah, and that's where I come from. Unapologetically me is like, I have— I am unique. I have my ideas. I come in with good, honest intent. I don't come to harm. I don't come to belittle. Yes, my ideas may be different, but that doesn't mean I'm judging you and saying you're wrong. Like, I'm going to tell you my ideas, I'm going to tell you my logic behind my ideas. I want to hear yours because guess what? You may change my ideas depending what you say.

But I'm not going to listen to you if you're critical of my ideas immediately. I, I've already tuned you out if you aren't willing to let me be safe and heard, right? I'm not going to listen to you. And that's just going to create more divisiveness in our community instead of more acceptance. And that's the biggest thing. And for God's sake, don't trust what the media tells you ever.

No.

Just— I don't care what the subject is.

Like, I saw something the other day, the other day about, um, I don't even remember what it was.

Oh, about what? Post-it notes. It was a Post-it note thing, and people were getting so angry that Post-it notes were crap now. And like, like, if you read the thing, Post-it notes are now creating a way for other vendors to print on Post-it notes so that they can have the higher quality adhesiveness of the 3M Post-it notes. And people just went off on it and how horrible. I mean, I'm like, did y'all read it? The headline had nothing to do with what was in the article. Go read the article.

Yeah, yeah, the headline's just to grab your attention. Don't go off all the information from the headline. Like, read it. If that caught your attention, go read it. Don't just RSD and assume and skepticize. Read. Yes, you know, not all of us have that type. But guess what? There are screen readers. Turn it on to screen read and walk around and do something while it reads it to you. Mm-hmm. Like, there are ways to get through it. I mean, I have a reading problem. I can't sit there and read things. Yet I got my PhD. There are ways to work through it.

Right.

So yeah, when someone says, well, I can't read an article, I'm just like, yes, you can.

There are a million ways for you to do that. Again, it's about accepting and allowing other people to have their own views, opinions, and ways of saying things.

Yes. Yeah, especially the ways of saying things, because we got to remember we all come from different backgrounds, different experiences, different trauma. So words mean different things to us, hit differently. And we've got to be accepting of that and don't react to it. Just because someone says a word that's not comfortable to you, don't, don't react. Realize they're just their words and they're trying to communicate. Look if they're coming. Yeah, if they are bashing you, yes, turn off, move away. But if they are literally just coming from a good place trying to talk, listen and Try to hear what they say and come back. And that's where the ping pong is, like, okay, I heard you say this, did you mean this? Ask the questions back.

Ask clarifying questions, for the love of goodness sakes, right? You know, it's like, if you don't understand— like the other day— oh, this was yesterday— I had a friend that was needing me to run, uh, a study hall for him. And I'm like, okay, no problem. And I said, just to clarify, we are talking about today, right? The one that goes today. And he goes, yeah, see, maybe I'm a bad communicator. I thought I was communicating that. And I'm like, no, I felt like you were. I just am double-checking. I said, because I'm pretty literal, so I wanted to make sure that we weren't talking about next Mondays. That way when I show up today and there's other people going, why is this chick here?

You know, yeah, clear— clarify. It's okay to double-check and ask. That's not— that's not— don't assume that you think you're feeling, for lack of a better word, stupid. Don't listen to my words, I just can't think of a better word. Clarifying is intelligence. It is making sure the communication is coming across. I, I tell, you know, I got this from my dad, and I'm sure he got it from somewhere. The only dumb question is the one you don't ask.

Yes, teacher here. The only question that is dumb is the one you don't ask. Ask the questions, because if you have it, someone else has it too.

And if they didn't have it, they may have had it, or just how it was responded differently helped them clarify what was going on, right? And I mean, even just in, you know, in your workplace with your manager, ask the question, hey, boss, how do I move up in this organization? Like, that's not being rude or confronting. That's just asking a question. And if they come back and say no, you need— I mean, maybe they come back with, well, you need to work on this and this, or yes, let's talk about your next steps. And then that helps you gauge what's going on. It's, yeah, opening that communication, like, and then listen to what's— listen to what's being said.

I mean, and every, every good therapist out there is going to tell you that you have to listen to hear, not listen to respond.

Yes.

Right. Anyone that's been in couples therapy will tell you, you know, it's like, oh, Okay, I can't just immediately respond to this. No, it is about processing the info. So listen, take it in, process it, and then respond. So that's the other thing. Sometimes people want immediate response, right? So they want immediate gratification, but they want immediate response. So when they're telling you something, They want an immediate response to know that you've processed the information. Well, sometimes I need a minute, and it's not because of like I have bad intent or I think it was dumb or whatever. No, I am taking time to process this information so that I can make sure I make an appropriate decision on the other end, right? It's like, do you know when you go And buy a car.

Okay, they try to keep you there.

They try to keep you there and they try to pressure you, right? Not everybody. You'll see some people like no high-pressure sales tactics. High-pressure sales tactics are supposed to give you anxiety, elicit emotional response, and get you to purchase it without thinking it through. That's the nature of The beast. It's, it's a behavior manipulation is what it is. So you want people in your life, you want people in your wheelhouse that take their time to process. Now I'm going to tell you, I know this, I know people need time to process, and I want people to process so that I get good decisions back, but sometimes it's frustrating.

Yes.

And it's like, can you just make a decision?

Just, just, just think, just do the thing because you're driving me nuts and I, I, I'm going to lose a gasket.

But I want people to give me the space to make the decision, so I have to give them the space to make the decision. What you can do is you can set a deadline, like take your time and process it, but I have to have a decision by tomorrow at 5. Or tomorrow at noon, or whenever. So you can't— you don't just give them infinite amounts of time because people, some people will take infinite amounts of time. You have to say like, I need your answer by Friday, whatever. But it's the whole deal, like, I super appreciate about having at least 24 hours to mull it over before I make some kind of decision that's going to affect me.

Yeah, exactly. And giving people those space Like, just think about what you would like or need in your life and make sure you're giving that to others, giving them that opportunity. Yes, you may have someone that's perfectly fine with giving you an answer right away. But if someone comes back and you're like, hey, let me think on that. Okay, yeah. Can you can you give me an answer within 24 hours? And most likely you'll be like, yeah, sure. You know, and there's there's that communication, and then don't pester. Give them that 24 hours.

Well, or if if you need it in 12, whatever. But tell them like, hey, I have to have a decision in 12, like by tomorrow at noon because um the deadline for this is soon after that. So you know they Danielle and I get in trouble for this sometimes. We want to know why. We're the kid, but why?

But why?

But why? Like, why is this happening? But it's really just because we're trying to understand, like, and then understand, like, what is it you're trying to do? So I super love how Brené Brown, um, poses it in her, uh, Dare to Lead book. She talks about a communication problem in her own organization, and they came up with paint it done. Paint this done for me so that I can know what you're expecting it to look like, and then I can rise to the challenge. Because businesses get in trouble with vague communication. They do. And so when— with a tactic like paint it done for me, to where like, now I know what your end result should look like, I can meet it. Because our end results may look very differently in our head, but when you make people get really specific about what they want, it, um, one, it helps you save time because people aren't just running around, you don't have to fix it. But it also sometimes presses on insecurities, um, in upper management because they can't live in the safety of vagueness. Like, well, we just need it done. Oh, okay, but what does it look like? And then you do it because there's been a lot of us like we've complete the task as we assumed it should be done, and then we have a boss tell us, well, I, I didn't mean like that. And it's like, whoa, but you didn't explain it anyway. Like, like, you didn't tell me— like, I didn't know the shutters needed to be yellow. You just told me there needed to be shutters, you know? Like, there's all these things. So you have to get really specific, and then guess what? You get— What you asked for.

Yeah, in my organization, I've moved to people instead of these long meetings where I have to listen and taking notes aren't always the greatest for me, or they end up on 50 million Post-its everywhere. And so I've— I make actual Word documents now, like with the process, share the file, and we put comments to each other. On it. It's like, okay, this part's done, go check it out. And then they'll write back, all right, that's good, but can you adjust it here? And it— number one, now there's not these meetings where we're trying to find time that everyone has. It's literally a living document and we go back and forth and like, it has streamlined— it's number one, in writing for me and clear. And if it's not clear, I put a little comment, please clarify this for me, I'm not understanding what you want. And it's in writing. It is like someone can't then say, well, no, I didn't say that. No, you said it right, right there. So that's the communication and find how that communication, if you need it in writing, tell people, hey, that's great. This was a great talk. Can I get that in writing? Can you send me a quick email with a recap? What you want? Can you, you know, Help me out with this, or send an email back to them. Be like, okay, great meeting. I heard that you want A, B, C, D. Let's get this going. And then they either come back, oh wait, no, on this one, do this. Like, yeah, and then it's documented. Yeah.

Accommodations. Know what you need for accommodations in listening, hearing, and processing. Those, those are like some of the most important skills I think every human needs. And I could care less whether you're neurodivergent, neurotypical, what you are. Processing. How do you process information? You need to listen and you need to actually hear it.

Yes.

Uh, I used to get in trouble for telling my profoundly deaf brother that. Dude.

Did you hear me?

Did you actually hear me? Not were you listening. Did you hear what I said? And hearing was seeing for him, not—

Yes.

But still, were you paying attention? Were you listening? But again, accept how other people process things. Accept what other people think. It's what It's why our neurodivergent community can be stronger and how our neurodivergent community can be stronger is accept everyone's opinion.

Well, and here's the thing. I can accept that it's your opinion and I don't have to agree with it. Right? I think people get that really wrong. It's like, okay, this, um, Overarching, like, weird societal kind of mandate that everything is calm and complacent is a fallacy. That, that's not true life. That's not— we will— there will be times where we will not all agree, and there will be times when we will not all get along. Any good pre-K teacher will tell you that, you know.

Life is messy. We don't live in a utopia. Like, and so yeah, it's— you can listen, understand, and accept what someone says, but doesn't mean you have to live by or breathe it. But it's them who have— that's where the beauty of it is, everyone having their ideas. And then that's how— if let everyone have their own ideas, that's how we grow. That's how we change. That's how we learn new things.

Yeah, well, and then it's the maturity factor. Like, how do you respond to a world where not everyone gets along all the time and not everyone agrees? And it's like, oh, that feels icky. And it's like, and false, false adherence to complacency doesn't, because that feels icky. I would, I would much rather just know right up front, like, I do not like the color pink. I do not want it, you know, like, whatever. And I'm, I'm hyperbolizing this, but it's like if people were more direct about it, and it's just like, okay, that's cool. Like, I mean, I don't— like, I do like it, but I'm not gonna like fight you in the parking lot at 3 o'clock. I mean, come on now.

It's like—

Yeah, it's like, I— for me, icky is dropping on the bandwagon and saying I agree with someone when internally my body's going, why are you doing this? You don't agree with that. And I think a lot of society is doing that anymore. They see these viral things, they see these— it goes, you know, famous person said this or that, and they jump on and go, I agree with this too, even though internally they may not. And it's— Stop jumping on that bandwagon. It's okay to say, Well, that's an interesting point, but I don't agree with it. Yeah, like, this is what— this is what I agree with.

It's also okay to not agree with it and not say a word. Yeah, yeah, scroll on, scroll, keep scrolling, or shake your head and go, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, and walk away and leave it there. So you don't have to carry that with you.

Exactly. Like Carrying all the negativity is harmful for us. And if there's something you don't agree with, sometimes it's best to just walk away, be like, okay, that's nice. I gotta go to work now.

Yeah.

And if it's something that's really out there, I mean, that's, that's where I got to where I am, is from being in an organization that just was She froze on us, and I'm like, okay.

Oh, we lost you.

Come on. Uh oh. There you go. I hear you guys.

All right.

Like I could hear you guys.

You said for being an organization that that's all we got.

Yeah. So from being in a nation that was just not helpful to anyone, not even themselves, really, and being like, okay, A, I can stay upset at this and angry and internalize it and just be grumpy. And then I did by being toward the change, like, and that's going from it in a positive aspect. So it doesn't Drain me, like doesn't eat me alive. And that's the things we need to learn how to differentiate from. Is I am I going to let this comment eat me alive from the inside and be angry and upset and grumpy and take it out on everyone? Or am I going to acknowledge it? Okay, this is out there. There's that little gray cloud. What can I do different?

Right.

I think this is—

And be the difference.

Yeah, be the difference. Be accepting. Listening is acceptance. That's why this is our title. I hope that you guys got a lot out of this. If you have an opinion, if you want to talk to us about this, we would love to talk to you. Message us below, respond to the video, whatever. We're always here to discuss these things, and we're going to be having more conversations like this with Jessica. Jessica's going to be joining us every Tuesday morning And Vida and I are here all the time, all over the place, and you're actually going to be seeing more of Vida and I. That might actually be a little scary.

Nah, it'll be fun.

Vida and I, uh, have blessed freedom to do a lot more visibility, so we are going to be around a whole lot more. So if you have questions, if you have a subject you would love to hear us talk about, let us know. We would love to talk to you. We would love to share what you want to hear. Because again, we want to talk about what you need to hear about and what you need to work on. Have an amazing day, everyone, and we will see you next time. Bye, guys.

Bye.