The ADHD Weekly Check-In That Interrupts the Shame Loop

Hello there. I'm Danielle Ralston. I am the founder and head coach here at ND Out Loud. What is ND Out Loud? ND Out Loud is a team of neurodivergent coaches. We are neurodivergent, every single one of us. TBIs, PTSD, ADHD, autism, AudiHD, and so much more. Bipolar disorder, all of the things. We also have a passion for supporting others like us so you don't have to struggle like we did in our past. We have. All taken trainings and certifications and all of that so that we can support you in living a better life and upgrading all of the things that are frustrating about your life. What is this session going to give you? This session is going to give you actionable tips. So yes, we're gonna talk about our programs and all of the things that we offer, but I want you to walk away with something actionable for something that is overwhelming, frustrating, or just plain annoying you right now in your life. Or if you're a parent or a spouse of someone with neurodivergence, To help them as well. I want you to walk away with something today. So please sign up today for a free call. We can learn more about each other. Good morning, everyone. This is Danielle and Katie with Indie Out Loud, and we are talking second brains and why the Sunday check-in is like the key to a lot of your success. And then I'll talk about how I handle that too. So Katie, tell us more about your Sunday Check-ins?

Yeah, so I call them my Sunday meetings. What I do, it's— and I put it on Sunday because that's the day before all of the week begins for me. And so I just, you know, I have like a visual. I think I showed you guys last week, but I have a visual and it just takes me through these different questions so that I can reflect on my week, realize what went well, what strategies I was using, like if I was using body doubling or not, if I was, if I socialized or not a lot that week. So it just kind of gets me to reflect on my past week and get in the gear for the next week.

So I do something similar, but I do, I do it on Monday mornings because that just, my brain knows that Monday is the start of my week and I can do stuff. But I write everything down and I'm multiple Post-it notes and things to just track What I have accomplished.

You're insane.

So that on the following Monday, I then go through everything and what went well. And I actually make myself write out what went well for the previous week. So I'm celebrating and acknowledging all my wins because that's a big thing for me is I tend to be like, oh, there's 9,000 things to do and I only got 5,000 things done. Or I got 4 things done this week and there was 9,000 things to do and I just didn't complete anything and I suck. And man, this is— I'm I'm just never going to get better at this. You get stuck in that rejection sensitivity and that shame loop unless you're actually taking a look at what you have accomplished. So that's a big piece of it for me.

I really like how— and I actually just tweaked my Sunday meeting from what you said. No, I really like how you said, because I have a question that I ask myself. I have these little 4 prompts like, I feel... I learned... I celebrated... And sometimes I have a really hard time filling in that I celebrated, or like, how did I celebrate myself last week? But then I just added, you know, I celebrated slash what went well for me. Because sometimes, you know, I like to celebrate my little wins, like what went well for me, but sometimes in the moment it's really, really hard. So yeah, my Sunday meeting is a chance for me to— I also go through, I color code everything that I do, and some weeks are more colorful than others.

But I use stickers and, and I color code and Like highlight and color code and Post-it notes and stickers and all of the stuff. But that really helps me be able to take a look and see what I actually got done, because I so often feel like, well, I didn't get everything on my list done, so I suck. No, but what did I get done?

The reality is that list will never be finished, or that list is always Growing. And so it's impossible for you to set that expectation for— but, you know, also our ADHD brains, they kind of trick us and they're like, oh, but you still have more on your list, so therefore you didn't get anything done. Or, you know, some days I just— because of the way my brain works, because of my hyperfocus, sometimes I just work really hard day after day, and then sometimes Wednesday hits and I'm like— I have no food in my fridge, or I have no more clean clothes, or my sheets are gross. And sometimes I'm like, okay, maybe I need to take a day to get all of the adulting chores done. You know, sometimes I think, well, you should just get everything done on the weekend because that's what normal people do. You should get everything done after work in your house because that's what normal people do. Well, that doesn't always work for my brain because some days I am just so exhausted. I work with kids, I work with people with ADHD, and sometimes, sometimes after the workday, your brain is just fried. And I give myself grace for that because some days after the work week, I'm still ready to go and I can work for 4 more hours, but other days I'm not.

And that's okay. That's completely okay. So I love that you have a system for this, and I obviously have my own system that I've taught people, but What system works for you might work today, might work this week, but I switch my system. No, I, I have the framework. I always do the same framework, but I switch the things that I use. Sometimes it's handwriting and stickers, sometimes it's completely digital, sometimes I use an actual plan— I can't, there's too many piles on my desk. Sometimes I use an actual planner.

I kind of get Get to this one.

And it's already all planned out for me and everything's written down, so I've just got to fill in the blanks. Other times I, I want to create it myself with stickers and stuff like that, but it's knowing that it doesn't have to be any one way.

Yeah, no, I mean, like, same here. Like, my main calendars that I love to live off, it's my physical one and then I have my Google Calendar. But then also, like, I also sometimes need just like sticky notes with— I love these extra long sticky notes because then they Oh, I love it because then I found myself using multiple sticky notes and I'm like, ah, but I love the long ones because then it's like a little perfect list and I have them in all different rainbows of colors and all different sizes because some days—

Yeah, I have all kinds of stuff, but I also have lots of things like this, which is just note cards, and then I have double-sided sticky tape and I will sometimes just add things in and add scrap paper in, paper with stickers on it and paper with patterns on it and paper like— and I'll tear the edges and color the edges. Like, it doesn't have to be this boring, use a planner, it will solve anything. It could be whatever you need it to be. No, I mean, as much success as possible for yourself.

I've even seen, like, I had this tutor growing up who was wonderful, wonderful. I think about her all the time. But what Joanie would have me do is— she was an artist, she was an art teacher. But so she would get these like big sketchpads and that's how we would kind of make our plans and review. We would create stories out of books. And that was just her way to do it, was having this giant blank page and just drawing doodles, making notes and That was where I think I got— I fell in love with this idea of, you know, I have to make my planners colorful and bright and shiny for myself. If it wasn't personalized— and I just bought my new one for this upcoming year and I'm so excited to get it in the mail, but you know, it's personalized, it has my name on it, I get to choose what's inside of it, I decide what colors stand for what things, and I change that too to make it interesting for myself.

And—

Mm-hmm.

You know, Tara's with us and she said my desk calendar is still on February. So there is that. I don't use a desk calendar. The desk things on my desk, I stopped buying those after a while because they would just— 3 months later I'd be looking at January still going, yeah, I'm not using that. But I love— I have, you can see behind me a little bit. I have, these are erasable calendars that I can use when I've got something big so I can really plan it all out and stuff. And I love that. They're fantastic.

But I love it. That I used to keep with dates, and now I just write stuff on it when I want. But it works for some things.

Knowing you need a system doesn't mean you have to use the same thing all the time in the same way, even.

Yeah. Oh, I have another system that I really like— dry erase markers. Not Sharpies, please don't use Sharpies when you do this. Dry erase markers on Mirrors.

Oh, that's fantastic. I used to— my office used to be right outside our sliding glass door. I used the sliding desk glass door to do a launch once and wipe off markers so I could plan it all out. So that's fantastic.

Yeah, like, I don't know, as someone, that's part of my strategies when I catch myself in just work mode and I'm just like going, going, going and not thinking about my mental health. But sometimes I'll just write on my mirror Take a deep breath because what's one thing I know I have to do? My medicine makes me drink a lot of water, so that makes me go to the bathroom a lot, like every hour if not every, you know, hour. But—

Mm-hmm.

That means every time I take a break to go to the bathroom, A, it's a reminder to wash my hands because that's something I also need reminders on, and B, it's, you know, I get off the toilet and then I look in the mirror and It's just there and it's like, oh, you know, you're doing a great job. Take a deep breath or, you know, give yourself a hug. Just these little things just make me stop and take a second, be like, okay, you're doing a really good job. Even though today's really hard, you're doing a good job. And then go right back into work.

Yeah. And you don't have to function all at the same level all the time. And I think the Evaluating what your second brain is giving, your Sunday check-in with yourself, all of those things give you that permission to fluctuate and move what works best for you in those moments.

Absolutely.

I love that. Well, I hope you guys got a lot out of this week. If you have questions, if you need support, please reach out anytime. If you want to join us on one of our adventures, just check out ndoutloud.com. Link is below. We're here. We're here to make life easier when you are NeuroDivergent. So just ask the questions. Have a great day, everybody.

Bye, everyone.