Unmasking Reduces Overwhelm, But It Gets Harder First

So we are in our Mickey ears, except for, of course, I have to go Star Wars. So, because there is no not bringing Star Wars. I don't think I own any ears that aren't Star Wars ones. So we're talking about the importance of unmasking today and how it decreases your overwhelm. So I'm going to full transparency, it's going to increase your overwhelm first. Before it decreases it, because you have to get comfortable. Anytime we try to get comfortable with something, that takes more out of us at first than it does once you get used to it and you do it regularly. And it's a comfort level thing. It's really a level thing. So understanding that unmasking is part of decreasing your overwhelm. So overwhelm is a form of self-sabotage. Most of the time we get overwhelmed and then we feed into that overwhelm and then we increase our own overwhelm and we don't give ourselves the tools to decrease the overwhelm and we're kind of And I'm constantly in this, like, and I've talked about this. It's only 8 o'clock in the morning and I've had 3 coaching calls today and I've talked about this on every single coaching call. And it fit up with our plan today and our social media.

So it was like the perfect combination.

How do you decrease your overwhelm, Vida? I already know the answer to this, which is why I'm asking.

Okay, so how do I decrease my overwhelm? If I have space, I hula hoop and I actually have space in my house. Like there's one spot that I'll hula hoop and my kids will like walk by and everybody just kind of goes around me. It's like this weird flow of traffic thing. If it's nice outside, I'll go outside, which that does multiple things, right? Like getting outside, we changed our location, we get a little sun. If you need to ground yourself, you can touch grass. I do a lot of sensory activities when I'm overwhelmed. Like maybe I'll put my feet in warm water in the bathtub. Like we do a lot of that kind of stuff.

So all of these things are also things that you started doing when you unmasked.

100%.

So why are we talking about unmasking now? And you will notice that we talk about that a lot around here because I have learned that the parts of me that were still overwhelmed, too much in the high achieving, overworking, all of those things, unmasking has decreased the need of me doing those things to feel better. Yeah, unmasking is a huge part of finding who you are, understanding how our bodies, brains, Sensory needs were, and feeling better all at the same time. Now I know that Denise, and I think probably Vida too, and this is a conversation that will make me blush, they do other things to decrease their overwhelm. Denise fully talks about masturbating to decrease her overwhelm, and it helps decrease overwhelm when they are in need of dopamine and need to relax and all of those things. And that is also an important part of unmasking and understanding your needs. And people are going to be like, how is that unmasking? So Vida, I'm going to toss that to you.

So that is a huge sensory stim, right? It's essentially like jumping rope. Like you're getting, you know, a rush of dopamine from, and adrenaline, and even oxytocin and a lot of different feel-good chemicals. Sex, solo sex, you know, which is masturbation, all of those things, they're huge sensory-seeking activities. And I talked about this on ADHD Rewired. He asked like, well, how do those work into like an ADHDer's brain? And I'm like, it's the same as eating a bunch of sugar or going and playing basketball or swimming or all of these sensory seeking things that we do. Some of them just light our brains up more than others. So if you're like a hypersexual neurodivergent person, these can help you. And being able to unmask our sexual needs is huge because for most of us, like, the thought of wearing Disney ears or maybe a weird shirt so people turn around and look at us in public is kind of cringy at times. So being able to sit down with a group of people and talk about your sexual needs, or even talk about them with your partner, that is a huge level of unmasking because you have to be really vulnerable to talk about that.

So unmasking isn't just— and that's part of why I brought this up— unmasking isn't just wearing goofy ears, wearing the goofy t-shirt, wearing goofy earrings, wearing goofy makeup. Any of those things, play therapy. It isn't just those things. It's understanding and being vulnerable about your needs, whatever those needs are. Wearing the ears and the earrings and the cool t-shirts and the goofy whatever is part of that, and that's absolutely part of that, but the next step is the vulnerability of doing it. And I think, Vida, I think you've talked about this a couple times on camera. I can't remember. You reach a different level when you're able to unmask by yourself.

Yes.

And not just in a group.

Right, so being able to unmask, it takes a lot of bravery, it takes some audacity, it takes a little bit of rebellion because you're going against what the status quo has conditioned you to do all these years. And so for some of us, in our safest space, we can unmask by ourselves, right? A little bit, right? You wear your comfort clothes, you don't feel shamed about it, you drink your comfort drink. Like, there's all these things that we have that we know as Fairly self-aware people that bring us comfort, whether we're cognizant of doing that or not. So we let our hair down just a tiny bit. We have our comfort show that we watch. Like, there's all these different things that we do. And but really being able to let go and unmask— this is if you were on the biggest sugar rush that you were ever on, or if you were overtired and kind of grouchy. Those are generally when your mask is falling off because you can't maintain your poise if you're hyped up on sugar or you're overtired. Or same thing with like our ADHD symptoms kind of get harder to manage. The mask is harder to manage when you let yourself go to these extremes. Sometimes the mask is really important for people, like they really want— they don't want the world to see them as their true selves because they've been abused a lot because of that. I think maybe now that I'm 44, I just don't give a fuck.

Okay, so I'm gonna say that as I get older, absolutely, as I get further Out of my comfort zone.

Absolutely.

So why we teach unmasking and why we focus on this so much is it is such an important part of acceptance of ourselves, acceptance of our needs, sensory needs, physical needs, mental stimulation needs, sexual stimulation needs. It's— unmasking is a huge part of the acceptance and growth cycle of being NeuroDivergent.

Yeah.

Huge part of that. And when we're always trying to do the thing that the internet gurus tell us to do— more productivity and hustle and all of those things. When you start learning that you don't have to do that, you can do things your own way, that levels up that acceptance just to that next level even.

Well, and then what kind of things are we able to model for our kids too? Like, that's one of the things, like, if you're around little kids and you're acting kind of like a little kid, no one's going to say anything because, oh yeah, you're playing. Playing because you're with the kids. Like, there's a level of acceptance with unmasking with kids. Like, if you're a teacher, like I was for a long time, I could be kind of weird and quirky because I was a teacher and I was supposed to make it fun for kids. The irony of that for me is that everybody needs that. You know, there is a time and a place. I'm not gonna walk into some corporate board meeting and just be like, blah blah blah. There is a time and place, and there are people that see me differently because of my unmasked self versus my masked Like when I start talking to people about things, I have had people turn to me and look at me like, wow, you're really smart. And it's like, what does that— but there is some of that that comes up. So I unmask for myself and I unmask to model for my kids. I will tell you, it is easier to unmask with a group of NeuroDivergent people because I don't have to constantly explain to them that I'm AuDHD. I have a lot of sensory needs.

Oh, it is way easier. And that's part of why we're looking forward to the Disney trip is we could have 4 days of being our complete Completely unmasked selves in Disney World where nobody even inside of Disney World is going to look at us strange. Or I am planning what I am wearing because my husband and my son and my daughter-in-law are all—

Boo!

And not so good with the unmasking and would have had a fit if I would have fully been my full self in Disney World. Moments of that came out and there were lots of eye rolling. So I fully plan on— I'm dressing up as a Star Wars character for when we're in Hollywood Studios and I am going I'm going to Disneybound in Magic Kingdom and I plan on doing it for every single park.

I think you should do what makes you feel good. That, cause that's part of us modeling it for our clients too, or the people that come on the trip. Because look, if you can't unmask even a little bit at Disney World, we have some different kinds of work to do. Because I have seen people there just, they cannot help except unmask a little bit because everybody is joyful and everybody is super accepting about stuff. Do you know who is not accepting of stuff at Disney? park-goers, and it's a very, very small, small number.

It's a very small number. So when I was in Magic Kingdom, I had a purple, purple dress with white polka dots all over it, and I had— I wore my Yoda ears. And in Magic Kingdom— yes, I know Yoda doesn't go to Magic Kingdom, I don't care, didn't care— and I had pink and white sparkly sneakers on, and I had sparkly heart earrings, and I had so many little girls come up to me and say, I wish my mommy would wear what you were— you have on.

Yeah.

And there were little girls all dressed up as princesses and all of the things. All of the little kids were. And there were a few teenage girls kind of Disneybounding a little bit. And there were a few women. And I had one woman who was very Disneybound. She was very much trying to be Snow White without being Snow White because there are rules. And she was fantastic. And her and I sat and talked for like a half hour. And she's ADHD and she has ADHD kids and she wants to teach her kids to have fun with themselves. And she didn't understand what that meant. So we had a whole conversation. I info dumped on her and now we're friends on Facebook.

But good, we made friends.

But she was, even though she didn't know what she was modeling for her children, she was modeling having fun and letting loose and allowing herself to let go.

For those of you that don't know, Disney bounding, like you're not allowed as an adult to dress up as a character at a park. But because people still like to dress up, there is a way you can get away with it.

So you can dress in the colors, like this girl, she had a yellow top on. And a blue skirt on and a red belt on, and she had a Snow White Loungefly backpack, and that was her Disneybounding. And we will actually talk about this more and more as we get closer to the trip. And you guys are gonna hear a lot of content around this trip. You guys are gonna keep hearing us mention this because the premise of everything that we're teaching is so important. It is so important. There's a reason why we're doing this, because it is so important. And we're going to be teaching these skills that we're going to be teaching on the trip. I don't know if we can record them while we're on the trip. We're trying to figure that We're gonna leave that part out because recording in Disney is a logistical nightmare, but we're going to be teaching these skills that we're going to be teaching on the trip eventually here with at least an ADHD upgrade so that people can get access to them. But all of these skills are such an important part of acceptance and growth with when you are NeuroDivergent. And I want you guys to hear those stories and understand part of why we teach them the way we teach them. And yes, we get to have fun while doing it too.

Ha! Because we're unmasked.

We get to have fun doing this. Have an amazing day, everyone. Coach Vida has a coaching call here in a moment. So you all have an amazing day. I hope that you ask questions, ask questions about unmasking, ask questions of how to, ask questions about how to discover what is overwhelming to you and what your sensory needs are. We are happy to help you discover all of these things and figure it out. We are here to support you with all of this.

And for those of you parents out there, those kids are on spring break and you're like, it's totally changed the dynamic in your house for a week. I feel you. Danielle even got a slightly kind of spring break because her kids are there too.

Yes, my kids are at my house and somebody may be choked soon. I love them, but I really want to choke them. So anyway, have an amazing day everyone and ask your questions. We're really happy to help you discover what's gonna help you unmask.

Yeah, bye guys.