When ADHD Coaches Get Together: Breakthroughs, Laughs & Life-Changing Hacks! #adhdcoaching

Hello there. I'm Danielle Ralston. I am the founder and head coach here at ND Out Loud. What is ND Out Loud? ND Out Loud is a team of neurodivergent coaches. We are neurodivergent, every single one of us. TBIs, PTSD, ADHD, autism, AudiHD, and so much more. Bipolar disorder, all of the things. We also have a passion for supporting others like us so you don't have to struggle like we did in our past. We have All taken trainings and certifications and all of that so that we can support you in living a better life and upgrading all of the things that are frustrating about your life. What is this session going to give you? This session is going to give you actionable tips. So yes, we're going to talk about our programs and all of the things that we offer, but I want you to walk away with something actionable for something that is overwhelming, frustrating, or just plain annoying you right now in your life. Or if you're a parent or a spouse of someone with neurodivergence, To help them as well. I want you to walk away with something today. So please sign up today for a free call. We can learn more about each other. Good morning, everyone. BeLive was very slow this morning. I didn't want to start. So I hope you're having an amazing day. I'm coming off a week vacation in Disney World with my other neuro— one of my neurodivergent besties. And Shay is coming off doing a conference this weekend. So we're both We're both a little low energy and a little brain fog and it's Monday.

Right.

And it's the last week of the month. Like, where did January go? We're both back on track and we've got so many cool, amazing things coming. So you spoke at a conference this weekend. What was your conference?

Well, I didn't speak at this conference. I was actually just attending it and it was fabulous. It was for female entrepreneurs, which, you know, a lot of us that are neurodivergent are entrepreneurs. So I thought, you know, why not go? And it was really fabulous. to see how many other like ADHD entrepreneurs there were. And it was crazy for the energy. The lady who was running it had such high energy that you didn't feel like you were sitting there forever, which was fabulous. So it was really nice and it was local, which is nice for me because most time I'm traveling to go to those.

Well, that's awesome. That's really awesome. So last week was neurodivergent heaven. Those of you that have never been to Disney World, I hope you come with us in May, even if you feel like you get overwhelmed easy in crowds and things like that. So my friend that went with me, is very much an introvert and gets overwhelmed in crowds and all of that. And Disney is still a dopamine high for her and is really amazing because Disney does such an amazing job at managing all of that. And, and yes, Disney manages all of that. They do that through every smell, every sight, every sound, all of that. So, and that's part of what we're teaching while we're there in May. Even she had a really amazing time and wasn't overly exhausted and all of these things. And let me tell you, like attracts like. So On Saturday morning, we went— the first thing we did is have tiaras made in Disney World because you can get custom tiaras in Disney World now. It was— it's brand new. It only opened like a week ago. And we're standing in line and chatting with the girl that was making our crowns and chatting with the ladies in line. The one lady behind me is neurodivergent herself, just got married, and teaches neurodivergent kids in public school. And the lady behind her is an ADHD— ADHD therapist. So we had a ball talking to each other and sharing tips and sharing tricks and why we love Disney World. And I got to share my science stuff and geeking out with them. And we had other people who, as you all know, I'm newly in a wheelchair. So people were asking where I got my wheelchair and asking about it. They were neurodivergent. So we had conversations with them. So there's a lot of these, when you connect with other neurodivergents, your world just expands and the energy and the acceptance that goes with that.

Oh yeah, it's huge. It was shocking, even with the group that I was with this weekend, that there was about 50 to 70 people that came over the weekend, and it was so surprising to see how many of them were neurodivergent and how immediately you connect with them. Like, they just— they are so— their energy just comes back and forth with you, and you just feel a connection right away. And it's, you know, maybe it's because we're all neurodivergent. Maybe it's just because we, well, part of us likes to, you know, have a friend and we hyperfocus on that friend. But it was awesome to connect with other women that are like-minded.

And it's so important. And that's one of those things that's really a big deal for us as, as the coaches here at ND Out Loud, we all get each other. We can say anything about energy, brain fog, whatever. Like I had an ADHD moment, ADHD attacks, whatever. And we I'll go, oh my gosh, yes. And we giggle at each other a lot because we get it. But that connection is so important for us.

Oh, it is. And I find that we have— the more connections we can make, like you said, you expand your circle. But not only do you expand your circle, you start expanding what you can do and who you are. And you start finding these nuances to create something even bigger for you. Because somebody who's way out there that you don't think would connect with you, all of a sudden You guys are talking the same thing.

Mm-hmm.

Or somebody who is, uh, like I met one of the ladies there that's, you know, she's pretty well known. I didn't know her. Shh, don't tell. But she was pretty well known and her whole speech resonated with me because she was talking about being ridiculously you. And I thought, huh, have I been hiding myself a little bit? You know, have I not been like talking about who I really am and all that kind of stuff? And so I just chatted with her for a few minutes and she says, what's so, what's unique about you? And I said, well, you know, I don't know. You know, we all go through that. And I said, you know what? I do videos of socks on Instagram. And she laughed and she goes, what kind of socks? And I told her cartoon socks. And she goes, do you have some on today? I was like, well, I didn't because it was a business conference. And she just looked at me and she goes, stop fitting in. And my husband tells me all the time, you can't stand out if you're trying to fit in. And so both of those worlds just at that moment just went I was like, okay, I need to stop. So the next day I showed up with the cartoon socks on because that's a part of who I am.

Mm-hmm.

And I think if we start stepping out of this, you know, conformity of this square that we need to fit in and we need to do what everybody else is doing and start focusing on our uniqueness in our neurodivergence, then things expand and they grow and you can create and you can become more and you can, or if you don't wanna become more, you don't have to, but you can still connect with people. with their quirkiness. I mean, Danielle, you and I connected and it was like, you know, in 2 seconds flat, we were fine.

And I think that's, I mean, that's a big part of why we're doing our thing in Disney World in May, because you can be as wildly and uniquely you as you want in there, in, in that, because there are things that us neurodivergents, we are wild. We have wild hair, weird piercings, tattoos, wear weird clothes, colors, whatever. And people out in public look at you like, Okay, you're a little weird. I mean, I live in the Deep South, so I definitely get those looks. And you go to Disney World. Yeah, just saying.

Exactly.

When you go to Disney World, and I saw some of the best Disneybounds or non-Disneybounds. There was a girl dressed up as characters. Like, every time I saw her, she stayed at our resort. She was in our building in our resort. So I saw her every morning getting on the buses. She was dressed like a different character, and they weren't necessarily Disney World characters. One day she was dressed up Super Mario one day, and nobody looked at her weird and were complimenting her and asking her where she got the things in her outfit and how— why— like, right? There is total and 100% acceptance in how you look. If you are dancing to music in the— like the music that's just playing over the loudspeakers in the middle of a pathway, you will have people join you. Nobody's going to judge you.

Perfect.

If you're singing to the music standing in line that is just The background is playing, other people will join you.

What are you doing?

That's not appropriate. You're an adult. You shouldn't do that. There's none of that in Disney World.

And you know that I wish we could kind of spread and be able to have more people just be them, you know? And I'm not saying that you could like infringe on other people. I'm not saying that at all. But what I'm saying is just be you. You know, when you're at a business conference, if they've got music playing and you're feeling it, Move, do something. You're feeling it for a reason. Now, I'm not saying don't go do you know you don't want to do cartwheels on the table across the tables or anything like that, but feel what you're feeling and exhibit it because there are other people in that room or in that park or wherever that maybe there's a reason why you're there at the same time they're there. And that happened a couple of times with me over the business conference that people are like, "I just love your energy. I think you're so cool." La la la. And then I tell how old I am and I have nineteen grandkids and you should see the face. It's like.

Oh my God, you're 53.

So what does 53 have to do with being able to dance along with music, you know, and have a little— oh yeah, so bounce around, you know.

We saw the coolest thing. There was an older couple, uh, that were there for their anniversary, so they had pins on that they were there for their 40th or 50th. It was some— oh wow, anniversary. And they were dancing together and having so much fun. And in Disney World, everybody just looks at that and goes, oh, so cute, and moves on. There's No judgment.

There's no stigma to it.

And, and I think that's why I love what we've done here with ND Out Loud is we've removed judgment, removed stigma, removed expectation. Like, I don't care how you show up. Show up in your pajamas and your robe and wet hair. I don't care. Show up dressed to the nines. And if you want to wear a ball gown to get work done today, go for it. I'm challenging my people. If you have a ball gown that you want to wear to body doubling any day, anytime, I would love to see it. I don't own one, so I, I— you won't see me doing this.

I just gave mine away. Darn, I should have kept at least one.

Maybe I need to buy one to show up for Body Doubling. Come in your Disney gear. I mean, you will see Vida and I often wearing our Disney ears and stuff. I'm just— I'm on the couch today, so I'm not near where them are. I'd be having them on now. Come as you feel like you need to be.

When you are confident who you are.

Yeah.

And your, your identity is not What everybody else says it should be. That's when you start to excel within yourself. Like, I— and here's an example I'll give you. I had a client when I first started coaching, and in our coaching industry, you know, there's a lot of you shoulds, you shouldn't, all that kind of stuff. And as you see me today, hoodie, ponytail, that's how I showed up for my coaching client first time. And she said, because you did that, because you took the time to be you, I felt more comfortable to come talk to you because you weren't dressed up to the nines and you weren't like all makeup and jewelry and everything. Now, does that mean I can't dress up? No. But at that time, I was also working at a manufacturing place. So when I had my coaching appointment, I was coming in off the floor to my office. So there's, you know, you still have to be confident who you are. It's not about the clothes. It's not about the jewelry. It's not about the things in your office. Like, my office isn't set up to be professional according to what everybody thinks it is, but the picture resonates with me. That picture is me. That's my husband and I. Those are the things I make in the book we wrote. So that's all I care about. Why? I'm not here for you to look at all my stuff in the background. I'm here to help you. So that's, that's my thoughts. I, I could be standing on a, you know, a soapbox for quite a while on some of that.

Oh, I, I could too. And, and that's all about ND Out Loud. We're being ourselves out loud because when we mask, that takes energy away from what you're amazing at and what makes you great at your job, great at communicating, whatever it is, whatever the thing is that you're great at. If you have to mask and, and be professional when you don't feel it and dress a certain way when it's uncomfortable or decorate your office a certain way that you don't joy in being in that space or whatever it is, the more you're having to do those things, the less amazing you are at everything else you are in your life.

Well, and you lose your creativity. You do. When you crunch the things together and squish, you lose your creativity. I have a planner that I've been working on for a year because I was trying to fit it into this perfect thing. And then, you know, finally I'm like, screw it. I'm finding the people that can take this part of it for me. I'm finding the people that can take this part of it for me. And then I can be the one that has the idea. So I have the idea for this. I need my implementation person. Okay, we got me my implementation person. And then there's times where the roles switch. I'm the idea person, or I'm the implementation person, and they're the idea person. So it's creating this— I hate to say work-life balance. It's not a balance, guys. You know what it is?

It's a work-life flow.

You have your—

The idea of work-life balance is BS. There is no such thing as work-life balance.

And if you're trying to get that, you're just creating more chaos for yourself.

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Bottom line.

There are days my balance is that I'm eating granola bars and yogurt and not moving from my couch and laying and being a blob and reading a book. Great. There are other days that I can get 9 million tasks done in a day.

Oh yeah.

That's great. And my balance between my life and work, sometimes there's balance. Sometimes there's not. Sometimes my husband helps me do the thing, whether he realizes he's doing it or not. Sometimes my husband is like, I'm just ignoring you because you're weird, weird and wild and too high energy for me. And that's fine. All of those things are absolutely fine.

Right. Because that's you. That's who you are. And you're stepping into you, Danielle, not you, Danielle, the, and then whatever people want to put after that. You know, I am somebody with ADHD. Is that my whole identity? No. I mean, I have all kinds of identities, but how do they all flow together?

I think ADHD Is my identity, but that's okay because I'm happy with that.

Well, what I'm saying though is you don't use it as it's a problem.

It's not my problem.

That's what I mean by when you say your identity, like, oh, I can't do that because I have ADHD. Oh, that's not possible because I have ADHD. No, no, no.

I need my support system around me to be the best version of me that there is, and that's the community that's doing things like going to Disney and being myself for a week and being crazy, which those things make my husband's eye roll. He doesn't want to go with me, and you want to know what?

That's okay.

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

And understanding that I can be as wild and crazy myself as I want to be. And it doesn't matter what anybody thinks. And I will tell you business-wise, if you're an ADHD entrepreneur, last year I had, over a year ago, I had a major disaster happen and had to rethink how I was doing things and was able to stand in my creativity and only my creativity. I'm not implementing a lot of things anymore. Because I was always trying to control and do every single thing myself. And by doing that, I was limiting myself a whole lot. And this year we have a custom app launching in a couple of months. We have our Disney trip in 3 months, 3 and a half, 4 months, whatever that is.

Yeah.

And then we have ADHD, a new certification for coaches coming out. And we have an Invisible Disability Conference coming in.

The—

in our community is growing. We've brought on more amazing coaches like Shay and Brit and Stacy is starting this week and Jamie is starting this week. And there's so many amazing things going on because I stepped back and I put on that Iron Man suit with somebody else's brain in my ear so that I could be what I'm amazing at.

Right.

Something else hold all of the other things together. I don't have to.

And it was fascinating listening to the ladies that came up to me and said, I'm ADHD too. And even like some of the top people were coming up to me and saying, well, how do you deal with this? And what do you do with this? And I actually, one of the ladies there that was one of the vendors, she's like, well, how do you deal with, you know, getting stuff done and all that? And I said, you know, it's just about certain steps and processes that you create. And she goes, how do you get your day started? So I told her and I told her why I get up, I have some quiet time, I have reflection time, and then I go do my workout. If I don't do my workout in the morning, it's very difficult to get it in and it's necessary for me. That's my medicine and that's how I treat it. And she goes, wow, really? I should look at it that way. I said, no, you need to look at the way your brain's going to process it and do it. I go the next day and she's like hunting me down. Shay, I'm looking for you. I need to tell you I got my exercise done. I said, fabulous. How do you feel?

She goes, oh, it's amazing.

But you know, it's just little things. How is your brain working? Because Danielle doesn't think the same way I do. I don't think the same way she does or anyone in the group. That's the point. Step into what that is, that process you're thinking. And once you do that, so many doors will open. Like she's talking about this year, I am so excited that they let me come be with them. I can't wait for May. My little girl inside screaming, Disney, Disney. So yeah, that's a little bit of my energy today.

Lauren, Lauren just commented and she said good, better, best instead, as far as figuring out what your energy is for the day instead of having work-life balance. I talked to Michael, I talked to the community about good, better, best. A good day might only be one, like your bare minimums. Eat, keep littles if you have littles, keep them alive, keep your fuzzballs alive. And that might be your good day. Your better day might include only 3 tasks. Your best day? We don't live in best days. I'm sorry. I wish we did. We live at the bottom. Usually we're in good to better. I like how you put that. 99% of the time we get one amazing high energy day a month, maybe. Maybe 5. Maybe this month you get 5 and maybe next month you get 0. But when you have those best days, you can do so many things. And when you have that community, that structure, that plan for best days, you can do even more. And when you live in it again, when you're living without masking and living in a community, in a space where people understand you, those best days get even better.

Those good days get better and they're less frustrating and less overwhelming.

There's less shame involved. Them.

Well, and they're minimum days, and those are the days that you get to celebrate with the community, that there's people there that are like, we totally get it, we understand, and rah-rah, good job that you did. And that's— I mean, we work on the ways that we can become better each day, 1%. Say we have to be 100% better every day. It's 1%. And one thing that's really helped me is, what is one thing you're going to focus on today? And that one thing, like you said, one thing could be Just making sure that my littles stay alive today. They don't fall off, you know, a chair, or they don't fall off the table because they're dancing on the table, or whatever it is. It's that one thing that's going to move you forward. And it doesn't have to be this big grandiose thing. It could be like, oh my gosh, I got my planner filled out for the week and I'm ready for my week. Yay!

And maybe it's, oh my gosh, I got up and I took a shower and washed my hair today.

Yes, exactly. Or I actually Got the dog outside before peed on the floor. I mean, little stuff is just as important as the big stuff. And if that one thing is moving you forward than the direction you were at when you woke up, there you go.

Exactly, exactly. And again, having a community that understands that and and accepts you and encourages you and celebrates you is so important. If you are looking for community, if you are ADHD, if you are autistic, if you are Audi HD, if you are the mom of ADHD or not ADHD yourself. If you are a teacher of ADHDers or a therapist of ADHDers, any of these things, if you have ADHD in your life, whether it's you or somebody you know, somebody you work with, come join us. This community is set up for you. We have everything for you and it's just $20 a month. It is $20 a month for you to get access to this community, daily all-day body doubling, a couple coaching call, group coaching calls a week. Ask your questions. Are you a therapist who works with ADHDers? Come ask a group of ADHDers who are extremely self-aware. How we could help you be a better therapist. If you're a teacher, we'll tell you what works for our kids that you may not see in a school classroom. We will tell you all of the things. Those of us that are coaches within the community are always happy to info dump anything you ask. Believe me, and I apologize now if you happen to get us on a really high energy day because we will really info dump on you. But we all of the information is there. All of the support you may need is there. Just come join us. All you've got to do is say yes. Come join us. It's $20 a month. We're here to support you. Shay is here. I am here. We're all here to make ADHD just better. That's why it's— our community is called ADHD Upgrade, because we want to upgrade your thought process behind your own ADHD and let you live out loud, because you want to live your neurodivergence out loud. Believe me, because when you do, life is so much more fun. Definitely, it is. Have a great day, everyone.