When AUDHD & ADHD Coaches Chat Life, Health & Neurodivergent Joy

Hello there. I'm Danielle Ralston. I am the founder and head coach here at ND Out Loud. What is ND Out Loud? ND Out Loud is a team of neurodivergent coaches. We are neurodivergent, every single one of us. TBIs, PTSD, ADHD, autism, ADHD, and so much more. Bipolar disorder, all of the things. We also have a passion for supporting others like us so you don't have to struggle like we did in our past. We have All taken trainings and certifications and all of that so that we can support you in living a better life and upgrading all of the things that are frustrating about your life. What is this session going to give you? This session is going to give you actionable tips. So yes, we're gonna talk about our programs and all of the things that we offer, but I want you to walk away with something actionable for something that is overwhelming, frustrating, or just plain annoying you right now in your life. Or if you're a parent or a spouse of someone with neurodivergence, To help them as well. I want you to walk away with something today. So please sign up today for a free call. We can learn more about each other. Hello, hello everyone. This is Danielle and Shay with ND Out Loud and we're just chatting. We chat once a week and people seem to love these chats. So we are here to talk about Being ADHD. I'm AudiHD and I'm an ADHD coach in life and health and craziness. I opened a couple more slots up for our Disney trip and they got purchased and now I've got 2 people panicking messaging me, are there any spots left? So I am a sucker and I'm opening more spots even though I probably shouldn't.

The more the merrier.

I mean, I am so excited for this trip and I'm so excited that we get to do something So fun.

Yeah.

And one of the people that reached out is a therapist, and she just did a play Disney as a— as play therapy in Disneyland. She just last month.

Now that would be nice to see, like just observe, not even necessarily need to do it to be able to do it for your client. I would just love to watch it.

Oh, that would be— now, but this woman that she went And did the training with does every year. So like, I've saved the webpage and I think I'm going to be doing that. That just looks amazing. Another really cool conversations lately, like we had today, we had a therapist reach out who wants to move into coaching and was looking at coaching certifications and heard through the grapevine that we're opening up a certification program for coaches specifically in neurodivergence, but holistic neurodivergent coaching versus just life coaching.

Yeah.

Or just health coaching and opening up a holistic program. She's like, tell me all about it. I'm like, I haven't even written a webpage. She goes, well, tell me everything you're thinking. And then I have a client who is— she's a professor and she does sex therapy and she is a PhD-level sex therapist and they specifically work in the neurodivergent community and they're going to come in and teach some classes for the certification course.

I'm liking this more and more.

More and more. Some really cool things just going on. And the reason why? Because we do things like this a few times a week.

You know, I have to say, I am extremely excited for doing the ADHD coaching certification. Certification. Yeah, I said that right. Yeah, I'm excited about it. I mean, I've gone back through— somebody was asking me for some of my certifications and all that, so I was sending them some I've got like five, not just in like one specific area. Like I've got it in health and nutrition, or not health and nutrition, health and fitness, the regular life coaching, a master certification in life coaching relationship specialists, and I think I have one more. Oh, mental health certification. So like a first responder for mental health. So I have that too. So I'm like all over the place, but it all works together. And the one that you see the least amount of for the best. As far as like helping the community has been for neurodivergence. It really has. I haven't been able to find one that I felt comfortable enough to sign up for and go through their program. Uh, so I'm excited about this. I can't wait to be able to do it because—

Well, I wrote a lot of our sales page today talking to this other therapist. I'm like, well, we're going to be doing this because I knew what we were going to be doing and what we're offering certifications. And we're actually going through a formal CEU process for anybody who happens to be a therapist. For the certification program. We're not gonna be ICF certified, which is the standard, and I put this in quotation marks, the standard for coaching out there, because, well, there actually is really no standard. There is no governing board over coaching certifications. And all of those things are, they decided they were the standard and they decided that they were going to do that. So— Yeah, it's really not. There is no governing board. There is no governing board.

Okay.

We are handling things very differently, both through professional development certifications and through having almost everything is going to be taught by either a master's level therapist, special education behavioral modification specialists, PhD. We've got now 5 PhDs teaching some of these courses. Well, okay. Let me say 4 and a quarter or a half by that time, because I'm not done yet.

You're well on your way though.

A lot further than some of the rest of us who are like— I'm doing my dissertation. That's going to take me years to write. But we get to do something really unique compared to most coaching programs that are coaches coaching coaches coaching coaches. While we're all coaches, we're very high education level when it comes to Neurodivergence specifically. Every single one of us has a neurodivergence specialty that we've gone to college for.

Mm-hmm.

And that's a little different. So we're definitely going to be running this very, very differently than everybody else and offering it at a much cheaper price than everybody else because we're going to offer an internship version, like a barter. You're going to barter for your certifications and nobody else is doing that. Because there's a need for it.

There is a dire need for it. Even with our family, like now my son is 22, but when we first stepped into all of this, I didn't even know I had it at the time. Uh, he was in 5th grade and the only reason we even went down that route was because we had a teacher who was pushing for it. Now, unfortunately, she didn't really go down the best route of helping us find it, but that's a whole other story. But it led to us figuring out, you know, what is he struggling with and why is he struggling with it? But I had no idea how to handle it, no idea what I'm doing with it. And he and I were like this all the time. And, you know, as the years go by and you learn more things, I found out that it was because I had it too, and I was trying to help him create his processes and getting stuff done the way I do it instead of looking at how does he do it, how does he work through it, what's his process in his mind like. How does he get stuff done? Does he need it all written out in a list? Does he need one at a time? Does he need it verbal? Does he need it? You know, I mean, there's so many different aspects. But what I think I find so fascinating is it's not a one size fits all. But when you say I have ADHD, everybody assumes like you are pinging off the walls like a ping pong ball. But that's not that's really not how it is. I mean, you see that more. With, you know, young boys than you do with girls.

But girls— Girls are usually extremely high achieving in school. They're usually gifted to talented level school-wise, academically.

And they don't necessarily have issues of getting stuff in because they're along that route, but all of it's internal.

Oh my gosh. The internal noise and hyperactivity and anxiety and maybe depression. And I want to say self-confidence and the people pleasing and all of those things that go with it for women are things that we don't have enough providers seeing and doing things about, which is why we're here. This is why we, we do what we do so we can communicate that. Because I'm a girl who lived through that in school and, you know, horrible. But man, my academics, once I got To the point I could do academics because I was way delayed because I'm also autistic. Then I was all high achieving all the way through until autoimmune disorders took me out, which is dangerous.

You know, here's something that's really interesting. In high school, I barely got out of high school passing. Like I had a 2.67, somewhere in there. I can't even remember the number, but once I went to college, Not my first semester of college because I went to a regular college. I almost failed out of that semester. Then I got married. But then when I went back to school, it was a technical school for accounting. And so it was focused on the specific thing that I was actually there for, right? What happened? Dean's list, you know.

I got the same issues.

And then when I went for my bachelor's, I did an online where it was one class Every six weeks, and that was the best for my brain. And I graduated again with honors. So you know, I hear all these girls that are going through, and even young boys going through a school, and they're like, "Well, I'm stupid. I'm just dumb. I'm just stupid. I can't figure it out. I can't do like they are." And you know, I tell them, "Yep, you're right. You can't because you're not supposed to. You're supposed to be doing it the way your brain works. And guess what? Yours doesn't work the same." And I hate to tell you, but it's okay. It's okay to have a different process than we're not taught that it's okay, but it is.

We all, and I think that's something that being an ADHD coach and doing, cause I've been doing this 25 years now, is that as a coach, I had to build a whole, and when I say whole, like house-sized toolbox of tools that I can pull out and use the right tool for the right person. Because every tool is a different size, different make, different model, different— like everything that you can think of. My toolbox is, is a 3,700-square-foot house-sized toolbox full of things that I needed to, as a coach, learn in order to be able to pull out the correct tool for—

For each client.

For each client. And then my clients need to understand that even for themselves, they need to build A little mini toolbox for everything that they do. Because like planning, and this is one of the easiest ones to talk about, I have— and I counted them the other day because I said I had 5 planners. I lied. I have 12 planners.

I have 12 planners.

I feel too bad now. And then I have 6 different bullet journals. Okay.

Okay. I'm tracking with you here.

So I have 18 planners essentially. They're all— I have one rule when buying a planner though. It's undated.

Yes.

So that I can always cycle back to it. But there are some days I want a planner that's a certain texture, a certain color, a certain type of paper in a certain style. Like, I don't want coil-bound. I want just a notepad today.

Yeah.

Some days I want a whole notebook with— I could put all kinds of notes in and add Post-it notes. Sometimes I just want to use my whiteboard. Sometimes I want to use a bullet journal where it's all freehand and freestyle.

Right.

But what does my brain need today?

Well, and that's been a fight and battle that I've had because I grew up with a dad who was very much a planner, makes lists, uses— remember the Daytimer planners that would go in the pockets for professional men? He would have that. And then on top of it, he'd have his own list that he'd stick in his pocket. And I would try planner after planner after planner after planner. And so finally I got sick of it and I just made my own. And that's what I use now is the one I make. It's a bullet journal, but I don't beat myself up if I skip a day. Who cares?

I don't. I bounce around between everything. And one of the planners I pulled out as I was counting the other day was I haven't used since 2020.

Okay. That's only 5 years.

I found it in a box. Well, I'm sorry. My husband was cleaning out the attic and he found it in a box in the attic and brought it down.

He's like, You're like, yay, number 19.

Oh, yay, I have more. But that's okay. But yeah, there are some days digital is what totally works for me. But the thing that my clients need to understand is it's okay.

Yes.

You don't have to do it just one way. You could do it 50 ways what works today.

Right. And even though I have this planner that I created and I use it and I'm building an electronic template so other people can use it, The biggest thing that I have found is that I have to have color. I have to be able to have some originality. So here's some originality to it. I have to have that for me to be, oh, what's the word? Like just kind of up with it. Engaged. Yes, that's the word.

You have to be engaged. But we need novelty. And I have a whole entire 3-tier rolling cart full of planning stickers so that I can pull out whatever sounds good today and use that today because that's what looks good and feels good to me. Day, right?

And then there's— see, this is the cool thing, is that you have 19 planners, I have one.

Mm-hmm.

You do it one each day, I use 2 each day, electronic and then the bullet journal, right? But we still get our things done because my brain is processing this way, your brain is processing this way, but we still are effective, we still get things done, and we still have that engagement And feeling successful.

Yeah.

Like, I've used it. I did it.

I did it. And I celebrate it. And I, we had goal setting calls on Monday morning at 9:00 AM Central. We have goal setting calls for our group program and everybody got on and I said, so what'd you accomplish last week? What last week? And nobody could answer. Well, I just wrote down everything I didn't get done. Oh no, let's back up everybody.

Right.

What did you get done last week? And then everybody just lit up. And today has been an easier day because they found their wins first.

And you know what? We forget that those small ones are big wins. They really are. Those small wins that we have each day that we just kind of shush aside because we just think, oh, that's no big deal. And for some people, it is a big deal. Some people need to make a list, you know, get up, make my bed, brush my teeth, get a shower. And then there's some of us that have that structured routine that we just automatically go through it. But Both of us should be celebrating that we got it done, but we minimize it in our head and we think, oh, that's just something, you know, we just throw it aside. I've been exercising five or not five, six to seven days a week every week for years. So when I get that done and somebody's like, yeah, you got it done, like, yeah, it's just part of my routine. But I still need to make that as a win because I accomplished it that day. And then we feed off of that win with the next win. Hey, you know what? I got a shower today. You know what? I got some breakfast today. I remembered to eat. Hey, you know what? I actually took the dog outside so he didn't have to worry about peeing on the floor. You know, these are not necessarily ginormous things, but if you don't celebrate the little ones, you definitely won't celebrate those big ones. And for me, like, I had a couple days last week.

I had a really— I've had a rough couple of weeks. And I got up, I took a shower, I ate breakfast. That was a celebration that I did those 3 things.

Yeah.

And I got them done. And then other days I have a checklist that I get 10,000 things done in a day. And my, my team knows when that happens and I drive them insane.

And here come all the messages.

I don't remember who said it to me the other day. It was somebody. It may have been my brother. Good thing you have an autoimmune disease because you would be insane otherwise.

I think it was him through and through.

It probably was my brother because I mean, you know what?

Those days are are not every day, and it's a good thing.

I have like one of those every three or four months. I don't like have them very often.

But that's how we think. That's how we go through our process and our system of getting things done. That's why we can be successful. And I feel so sad when somebody's like, "Well, I have ADHD," or "I have autism," or "Audhd." And I can't get this, you know, I can't get there. I can't ever be successful. Let me tell you something that is not true. You can totally be successful. Right now I'm working with somebody who has ADHD too in business type stuff. And you know what? It makes it so much more fun. Find your buddy, find your person.

Find your community. And it always— I always come back to this because it's so So important. And so it's such a big focus to understand that having community to complete things as a neurodivergent, and I don't care if you're ADHD, ADHD, autistic, bipolar disorder, whatever it is, anybody on a neurodivergent spectrum, learning disability only, whatever it is, or if you have autoimmune issues, which doesn't necessarily make you neurodivergent, though I think 97% of people with autoimmune disorders are.

I did not know that. Thank you for sharing.

People with, uh, TBIs all find, all find that an intimate, supportive community in things like body doubling and things like group coaching over one-on-one coaching. Now, there is absolutely a place for one-on-one coaching. We all, I have a one-on-one coach, but group coaching, even I learn from when we have group coaching calls.

Yep.

Every time I learn from other people who may not be ADHD coaches, they're just living life and this is how they do things and it's different. than how I've ever thought about it. And now I have a new tool to add to the massive toolbox, but having community body doubling and all of that accountability and stuff is a huge piece of building structure and accountability and all of those things that we need in life.

I agree. You know, and I didn't even realize that until I went to a concussion clinic a couple of years ago from the accident, car accident I had. And we were there for a solid week, right? We didn't have any work. We would go to the clinic. We would be there from like 8 to 4 or something, 9 to 4, somewhere in there. And then we'd go back to the hotel and they were going to have me come home because it was local here and other people were coming in from out of state. And I said, no, I'm going to go there. And it was interesting that we, we spent that whole week together. We didn't have to explain to each other why we were behaving the way we were. We didn't have to explain to anybody why we couldn't remember words. We didn't have to explain to anybody why we were feeling the way we were feeling, the headaches, the light sensitivity, all of that. And I found myself on Friday. So we started Monday and we went Friday. I found myself on Friday in tears that I was leaving. And I'm like, why am I, why am I feeling so sad and so bad? And then I realized for the first time in like 2 years from my accident, I had a place where I didn't feel like I had to justify, rationalize, or explain myself. And it felt so good, but it also felt so sad that I was now going back to my life, basically. And then it would have to start all over again— explaining, justifying. Like, I can't be around a lot of noise. Well, why? It's just, you know, like something like, it's just church. Well, yes, it's church, but the lights are bright, the music is loud, The kids are, you know, making noise, and it's not bad stuff. It's just for me and my brain, it didn't go well. And it's the same with people with dealing with neurodivergence. They feel like they have to explain themselves, put the mask on, fit in, you know, all of that stuff. And it's exhausting.

That's part of why I cannot wait for Disney, because we'll have 4 days together where nobody has to justify themselves, explain themselves. Be as hyper and as Disney adult as you want. Be as introverted and as quiet as you want. Go find a quiet corner and stay away from people if you want to in between sessions, and there's not one person that's going to question you, right? Or think you're weird. Okay, so people may still think I'm weird, but—

Well, you'll probably get a few side-eye glances, but you know what? That's okay, because you're gonna be there with other people that are just like you, that It won't matter.

It's not going to. And that's why things like retreats and coaching trips and things like that are so important for us, that we get to fully be immersed in what we want to learn, because we love to info dump. I am so excited to info dump for hours a day. I love to.

I'll just be your sponge. You info dump on me, I'll just be your sponge. I'll soak it all in.

I love to learn so that I can info dump. So, and I just said, you know, I'm rewriting my Disney science things because there was a new thing that I got an email about, about how they're incorporating something else. And now I get to like add to my whole training and stuff. And, but then we'll get to go be in the park and be crazy together and hyper together, or like I said, introverted and quiet and hiding in a corner. None of us are going to feel left out or misunderstood or judged for any of that.

Yes. You know, it's funny that you say that because it's like, I'm 53 years old and I'm in a very conservative community and it's not a bad community. I love our neighborhood, but being 53 and literally in the neighborhood that I'm in, since it's new, I am probably the oldest female here. And so there is a lot of expectation of what it should be for certain ages. I'm gonna tell you now, I look in the mirror and I do not look 53 to myself. Like, to me mentally, I'm like, I think I'm gonna be 15 today, you know? Or I'm really having a grumpy day, I think I'm gonna have my toddler syndrome, you know, be a little bit of a toddler. And no, I don't want to.

And that's okay.

Yeah.

Again, I can accept each piece of where I am and what I am.

Yeah.

As it comes, depending on the day.

Right. And, you know, I run through the house with this little guy and I literally chase him through the house like little kids do.

Right.

And nobody would expect that from a 53-year-old, but that's so fun. It actually gets me excited and doing new things and learning new stuff. It's like, it fills some type of adrenaline within me to keep me going and keep me doing and keep me excited. And, you know, I just, I think it's that I finally figured out I don't really care what other people think or what they say. That's their opinion. I have no control over it. I have no control over what they're going to do or think. And that's okay. I don't have to mask anymore.

It's not that you just don't have to mask. You can take yourself and allow— it's not, it's not just masking. It's the Finding the fun in yourself.

Yes. And if you act like a 2-year-old, who cares, right? If you're walking down the street and you jump on a longboard and go longboarding down the street, who cares, right?

And Tara says 10,000%. Yes, absolutely. Be yourself. We get to be ourselves. We get to find ourselves and we get to operate the way we need and/or want to.

Yeah.

When we are in our communities. And, and that's why I found part of our Disney trip, and anybody who joins our Disney trip, is they get our community for a year for free.

Ooh, fun. You can come hang out with us.

That community piece is so important.

Yes. Yep.

It is so important.

We have lost that over the decades.

Yeah. And I've talked about this so many times in Europe, in other cultures, they have their third space and the third space is family or friends and it's the cafes and the courtyards that you hang out in, in the Middle East or in Italy or in France. People go and sit on the sidewalks and talk to each other no matter what the weather is. And they meet and hang out and they, they congregate together.

Yeah.

Where here in the US, we go to work, we go home, we stay isolated. We don't do the thing. We may have a few friends that we only get together with, especially once you start having kids, once every 6 months, if you're lucky, going out and doing those things. But it's not big family get-togethers every single week. It's not a thing for many families anymore.

We actually have a neighbor who moved into our neighborhood and she's from Austria and She is outside with her son and her three dogs every day, unless the weather is like it's pouring or it's snowing. She is outside every day, and she just lives a couple houses down from me. And I actually finally yes, it took me like three months, but I went down and said hello and introduced myself, and we got talking. And she's like, "Yep, this is gonna be the party corner because I'm outside all the time, and I want people to come over and introduce themselves and get to know us." And I said, "Well, that's good because." When it starts getting warm, we're dragging a barbecue over to the park, which is a house down from her. And we're going to have a neighborhood barbecue because I need people. We know I need people. I don't want them all the time. Trust me. There are days where I'm like—

Understanding how to need people, what the type of people you need and how to need them is a big part of that though.

Yeah.

Because understanding that a great weekend barbecue is great, but you don't want to do that every single day. It's fun.

No, and I don't want to necessarily have all the kids in the neighborhood come over to my house because I'm the old lady in the neighborhood and I'm the grandma, so to speak. But I do want to be able to interact with them and be able to say, hey, little ones, hey, let's go do this, or let's, let's have some time together. Oh, can I help you? Is there something I can help you out with? Or— because there are so many that are in need to just understand themselves, not even just in the neurodivergent world, in all the world, everyone. Just, just think if you were dealing with the neurodivergence and you are finally finding your community, what could you teach someone else about finding their community?

Exactly. I cannot wait for Disney. We are going to Disney. If you want to get in on the Disney trip, just reach out. You've got to reach out. I have to cut off. I have to cut this off on Thursday. I'm not opening any more slots, I swear. And Rain and everybody hold me to this because we are not doing any more after Thursday. But if you do want to come with us, we do have— of course, it is a professional development retreat. We are going to be doing training, but then we're going to go have fun at Disney. And I'm going to show you how to use Disney World in real life. If you're a teacher, if you're a therapist, if you're a parent with neurodivergent kids, or you're neurodivergent yourself, I'm going to teach you how to use all of the aspects of Disney World in real life. Because you can take Disney home with you, and not just Mickey ears and t-shirts. You can take the vibe and the dopamine and the norepinephrine and all of that home with you, and I'm going to show you how to do that. So I look forward to that. Cannot wait. If you have questions, if you need support, if you're feeling lonely, reach out to us. We're always here. And when I say we're always here, there's one of us online 24/7 around here in DLA. So message us and let us know how we can help. Have an amazing day. Thank you for joining us, Tara, and anybody else. Yeah, too.

Is much more.