Why Community Beats Every ADHD Productivity System

Hello there. I'm Danielle Ralston. I am the founder and head coach here at ND Out Loud. What is ND Out Loud? ND Out Loud is a team of neurodivergent coaches. We are neurodivergent, every single one of us. TBIs, PTSD, ADHD, autism, ADHD, and so much more. Bipolar disorder, all of the things. We also have a passion for supporting others like us so you don't have to struggle like we did in our past. We have All taken trainings and certifications and all of that so that we can support you in living a better life and upgrading all of the things that are frustrating about your life. What is this session going to give you? This session is going to give you actionable tips. So yes, we're gonna talk about our programs and all of the things that we offer, but I want you to walk away with something actionable for something that is overwhelming, frustrating, or just plain annoying you right now in your life. Or if you're a parent or a spouse of someone with neurodivergence, To help them as well. I want you to walk away with something today, so please sign up today for a free call. We can learn more about each other. Good morning everyone, this is Danielle and Shay with ND Out Loud, ND Hive, all of the ND things. So we are talking about why community is everything, and we were actually just talking about getting bullet journals set back up because mine has been empty, like totally full, and I can't fit anything else in it. And I have been without it for a couple weeks and I'm feeling discombobulated. And Shay only has a couple pages left in hers, isn't getting hers all set up because, okay, discombobulated it.

Yeah, I don't like it.

But this is why having these discussions is so important, why we come live and why we talk about the things that we're struggling with, because Just because we're coaches and experts in this industry doesn't mean, especially since we're neurodivergent ourselves, that we still don't struggle with the same thing all of our clients do.

Oh, absolutely. In fact, sometimes we may struggle with it a little bit more than our clients, but that gives us a better insight in knowing how to help our clients or how to help our community and being able to say, yeah, I got you. It's not, it's not a big deal. Feeling that way is normal, especially when people don't feel like they're Okay, but being able to just tell them no, you're not broken. That's just that's just a moment. It's gonna move on.

It's okay. I did a video last week, and it's on YouTube, and it's on it's all over the place, and it's gotten the highest views anything that we've put out there recently. And what was it? Me showing my disaster and my executive dysfunction in my office.

I'm not showing you my office right now because.

Yeah, I got real, and you could see empty boxes and junk, especially since I've had 2 conferences in the Disney trip, and I have been very ill recently with my pain levels with my MS and all of that. My office is— it has become— okay, let's face it, for the last year, I'm really struggling with my MS— has become my junk pile.

Oh yeah, it's easy to put it in here because we're like, oh, we'll get to it later.

I'll get to it eventually.

Yeah. And then we put something else on top of that thing we put in there. I mean, in my office right now, this that you see behind me is the best of the whole office.

Like, this is definitely my most organized, and of course it's cluttery, but that's always me. So let's be very clear, I like stuff, so I always have clutter. But getting real, and I think as coaches And we are experts in the industry. I've been paid to speak at major conferences. I've been asked to speak at very high-end PhD-level conferences. I still, I'm still ADHD and autistic.

We still have it. It doesn't mean that we're going to stand up with a flag yelling, hey, look at me, I'm autistic, I'm ADHD. It's, this is our day-to-day living. And when you have a community that you can step into and say, Look, I'm really struggling today. Is this normal? Is there a tip you can give me? Is there something that I can do or not do? Because a lot of times we get stuck in that doing that we need to take a break. But being able to bounce it off of somebody else, I think it's huge. It's really been important for me. It's helped me to be able to move forward in a lot of ways. I've been the most productive in my whole entire last, I'd say, 5 years that I have been ever. Just since we got back from Disney, and that was what, a month ago?

A little over a month ago.

It feels like forever ago, to be honest. I mean, I feel like I haven't seen you guys in person since like last year. It already feels like it's been a year, but there's been tips and things that we've learned. We've actually started using some of the things. For some of us that are coaches that haven't been— I'm one of them— but it's been really helpful.

I think as coaches, and I think that was something that was pretty funny with being in Disney with other coaches, they're like, oh yeah, we tell our clients to use the body doubling and use the community, use the thing, and I'm not using it myself. Now, of course, I have been because I'm the one that is facilitating 99.9% of the stuff, which is why I created the community, is because I needed this.

Right.

And I saw that another major ADHD app is getting ready to start having their own community and they're like 60 days out and stuff. And I'm like, but this is why I do what I do. I've been doing this for 5+ years. We have our live community like right now. Well, okay, some people signed out. And half hour ago I had 7 people on body doubling and people, and they're like, oh, this helps me get stuff done. Good morning. I'm so glad to be here. I'm glad to start my day. And this is Monday. And this is a Monday after some people are coming back from vacation. Yeah, yeah, sick and all of the things, and they can't wait to start their day.

Well, it gives us a motivation to not only get our stuff done but connect with somebody else, and I think that's a huge thing. And as being a coach, we tend to think that we got this, it's fine, we don't need this. I mean, you called me out on it totally. You're like, Shay, just try it. And actually follow through with doing it. You have all these tools that you have available, but you're not using any of it. So just try it and see. And I did. And because of it, like, I've started also another company that has been building slowly, but with the help of body doubling, man, I'm getting through a lot of that little stuff. You know, those things that we hate, the paperwork, the details, the get this together and that together. And you You know, all of that stuff. That's not the fun things. You know, we're quick to do the fun things, but that that detail stuff sometimes is annoying.

Who wants to do the things that are boring and you don't want to do?

I did that enough of my life.

I mean, and we all feel this. Like we all feel it at all times.

Mm-hmm.

This is. I mean, I do too. I don't want to show up. I don't want to show up for my clients. I don't want to show up for myself. I just I don't I don't wanna. It's boring. And I, I'm really lucky. I think I am one of the luckiest ADHDers out there. And maybe Chris from Shimmer will, will argue with me on this because she gets to do the same thing I do every day. We get to show up and work with our people who get our brains. We don't have to mask. We don't have to—

Oh, definitely.

I get to show up in my Disney. It's okay to be weird. Stitch goes to work every day, and I get to wear goofy headbands and ears and makeup and whatever, and nobody cares. No, I'm not gonna actually say that. Somebody will go, you're having a good day, aren't you? Because they'll notice that I've done something weirder than normal, or what do you have planned for today? You definitely have energy today. And that's how people notice. Yeah, there's no criticism, there's no judgment, there's no— there's no having to explain why I did what I did.

Thank goodness, right? So exhausting having to mask. It takes so much energy to mask and then do the productivity things that we need to do instead of just being ourselves and getting it done. It's interesting that when we've really stepped into the community, or I should— I, I've stepped into the community full It's been a release of that stress. It's been a place of safety. It's been a place where I can just jump in and be like, oh my gosh, you guys, I have done the dumbest things, and you guys laugh with me instead of making fun of me. Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Because it's really important to understand that. I mean, we've had somebody who was trying to lock their door with their keys in their car and couldn't figure out why the door wouldn't lock. But when they told us that, we just laughed because we probably did the same thing.

Maybe. Probably did the same thing? Hello? Totally have done the same thing.

You know, and it's fun to be us. It is.

And it's fun to, to not, again, not have to mask, but it's fun to not have to explain us. Like, she didn't have to give us an explanation. She just Oh my gosh, guess what I just did? And she told us because she was already giggling at herself.

Which, you know, literally almost fell off the treadmill when I read it because I was laughing so hard because I've done the same thing.

Okay, so I do have one complaint about hanging out with neurodivergence, ADHD, and autistic people. I have to clean my monitor often because I'm always spitting out whatever I have just— That's what's wrong with mine right now.

I need to clean it and I haven't yet.

I had to clean my laptop yesterday because I was drinking a cup of coffee and somebody sent me just a meme and it was like so dead on. And I was like, oh my gosh, now I gotta blame my monitor again. But this is why community is so important. So I actually, I want to ask you, because your first introduction to us as a community and not just coaching one-on-one, right, was Disney World, what did that change for you in your understanding of yourself?

I would have to say one of the first understandings that came from it was I could just be me. And it's okay. And it's okay to be goofy. And it's okay to run around and not act my age, you know, because you get kind of pigeonholed a lot of times with your age. Well, you're 53. Why are you behaving like that? Because I want to, you know. And it's funny because— quick story to add to that about the Disney and understanding that there's a lot of depth to that. It's not just, you You know, oh, I can be me. No, it's oh, I can be me. And I was down visiting with some relatives that came into town about three hours from us, and we went down to see them. And my nephews are four and six years old. Couple of them. There's more than that there. But my nephews that are four and six years old, we went outside and we played for over an hour with them putting me in jail, which meant I had to go stand by the garage door. And they would say stuff to me like, "You have to eat this," or "You have to do this," or "You have to do that." And I was just Spitting it right back at them. And we were just back and forth for an hour, you guys. And my daughter came and played too. So we were running around chasing these guys all over the parking lot or the little driveway area of our place, and they had a blast. But the thing was, is I had a blast. And I was able to enjoy being me. I didn't care if my brothers or sister-in-laws thought it was strange, which they didn't. But, or anybody else in the community. But the biggest thing is learning to be yourself opens so many other doors. It opens up you too to be able to see the things, 'cause when we are masking and we are closed, we miss a lot of opportunities and we miss a lot of things that we could either step into or things that we could enjoy and have fun at. And it's not all about having fun, but how would you like to just be content with who you are? Content with your day, content with, you know what, they don't like me, that's okay. I have my community and it's fine.

I don't know if it's just contentment though. A lot of it for me is when I have to mask, then I become more klutzy because my physical body can't handle me masking long term. I become anxious.

That's true.

Anxiety goes through the roof. My physical pain goes through the roof.

Well, you're drawing all your energy for the other areas of like taking care of your physical, pulling it away with the energy that you're using to mask. So how can you be you? And when I say be you, I'm not saying just go running out there up and down the street hollering, I'm free! You can do that too, but it's more of like just being able to allow your energy to flow where it needs to flow.

Mm-hmm.

Being connected to people that are like-minded to allow you to be the way that you were meant to be.

Mm-hmm. But again, pain, anxiety, all of these things— my executive dysfunction goes through the roof. And let's face it, this is a major issue for me anyway. We all know this. This is not a surprise. Go watch my video recently if you don't understand quite how bad it is. But having community So people ask, I am successful at what I do. I have been successful for a long time at what I do. Why am I successful? Because I have community. I body double constantly. I was making my employees 20-something years ago body double with me. Of course, it was on a phone or via Skype 20-something years ago. I drove them insane. But they started to miss it. And I actually, I had a conversation with one of my past employees the other day because you know what? miss that. That helped me get so much more done than I get done now. And so I have community, I have accountability, and I have body doubling. Those are my 3 keys to success. Not hiring some $80,000 coach or buying some program or anything like that. They were really simple things, but they weren't things— the one thing that I did realize is I couldn't body double my best friend.

Yeah.

That we tried to build a business together. You want to know what happened? We failed in a huge dumpster fire sort of way.

Ooh, that's not always helpful.

It was bad. It was actually really bad. Our houses were a mess. Our lives were a mess. Our marriages were a mess. Like everything was bad because we were trying to force something that didn't work. I, I had learned I had to invest in that and I had to invest in it in a, in a space where I could get to know people. So I tried Focusmate so many times and it is Fantastic. Those whose brains work like that, like, amazing. But body doubling with people I never get to know and they're always different and stuff like that just doesn't work for me. I need to build close-knit relationships with people who understand me.

We've gotta have connection that is like ingrained in us. And if we don't have some type of connection with others, it doesn't work. To me, and this, I could be wrong, but to me, a lot of it is we love relationships. We love being able to connect with others. And when somebody's down, we can help them up. And when we're down, they can help us up. And when we are all up, then we celebrate each other and have a great time being able to celebrate each other without that jealousy or without that, you know, I'm not as good as, because we're able to combine it together.

Mm-hmm.

To be able to make it work together. And sometimes, you know, sometimes Danielle's my executive function for that day. Or one of the other people in the community is my executive function that day because I am so overloaded or overwhelmed with a situation or moment that they can come in and be like, okay, let's bring this down and let's bring this up so we can get your executive function back on track. And if that's not going to work today, then what kind of rest things do we need to do? What kind of reboot things do we need to do? And that's okay. We have forgotten that it's okay to rest because we are constantly in that go, go, go. Because we feel like we're being lazy. But it's nice to have someone else say, no, look at this and this and this and this. You're not being lazy. You're just— you did too much. Take a minute. So that's really helpful for me.

So it is so— again, community is so important. Connection is so important. So what kind of connections did you make in Disney World and that you continue to make in body doubling?

Well, there's the connections with the relationships. There's the connection with being able to just have some fun and smile and, you know, throw in a meme. It's kind of fun just being able to throw in something and everybody gets what I'm saying, you know?

Mm-hmm.

Like, I think you put out a happy Monday today, or somebody did in our group chat from Disney. And it's great because it's like, oh, somebody else is there. It's just a reminder, you know? Having the group chat is great. Having the body doubling is great. The sense of community and knowing that I could call on any of them at any time, call them, text them, group chat them, whatever, at any time, and be able to know that I'm okay, they're okay, and we have a great relationship. But we also know that if we're not talking for a few days or even a few weeks, it's okay. We're still cool. We're still connected. That's just how our brain is working. And to know that nobody's going to take offense to it. Nobody's going to be upset about it because we all get it. So it's a lot easier to stay connected. You know, we don't hear from Tim very much because, you know, he's busy building his business and everything. But when we do, it's like, oh, he's still there.

He's right here and it's okay. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's great.

And some of us have full-time jobs. Like Tara has a full-time job and she jumps in and out when she just can. And all of those things are so important, but that's why connection is so important. And that's something that we're going to be creating more and more of. And like this week, we're going to have some decluttering times that we're just going to pop in and throw into everybody in our community so that people have specific actions that they can take during body doubling time rather than just open body doubling during the workday.

Mm-hmm.

Many of us are entrepreneurs or have a day job or something like that. So during the day, we can't really necessarily do things like that. But this weekend, Sunday afternoon, I'm gonna do a decluttering time around 2 o'clock Central. We're gonna declutter whatever it is at my office. My office, my office needs to be decluttered. I'm claiming that now.

It could be a simple declutter too. It could be just you have one drawer you need to take care of that you've been putting off.

You know, I'm gonna have one square foot that I'm gonna work on, which for me right now physically is about all I can do. But I'm going to work on 1 square foot of my desk so that I can actually use my desk because I cannot right now. I have this little tiny— where my keyboard and my mouse is, and that's all I can use. And we all have those moments, and that's okay. But this is why community is so important, because when you are neurodivergent, ADHD, have PTSD, TBIs, dyslexia, autism, whatever it is.

Totally.

And we all have different levels of all of the things, and we have all of whatever. It is so important that we can find a space to create the action that we need to take in life.

Yes. It also— and this is something that I realized over the last month since I've been back— is that this community bleeds out into other communities. So like, this community has helped me over the last month in understanding a lot more productivity, things like that. But it's also helping me with relationships. So as I said, I went down with my brothers and we spent some time down there. And it was quite hilarious watching all of us trying to figure out and make a decision on when time we're going to leave for something. And finally, one of the sister-in-laws was like, this is the time. We're going to go then. And we're like, okay. Because we could not, as the siblings, figure it out. So we just were kind of back and forth and back and forth. And so it bled out into the other part of the community because when we understand us, we are more open to allow others to step in where they need to, to help us.

Mm-hmm.

And we don't take offense to it. So I was grateful and I even think I even said to her, thank you so much for being our executive function today because we could not, we were all so tired. We were all so worn out. So it's great to start seeing those, but if I wouldn't have had this community, to understand these relationships in the back and forth with some things, I'm not sure I would have taken that the same way.

I love that, and I love when those moments happen. If you are looking for community, we're obviously— we're crowdfunding right now because we have an additional $200,000 to finish our app the way we want to have it look, with all of the animations and the fun prizes and all of that. We want the fun stuff in the app before we release it, not just the basics, because right now we already have the basics. Our community is up and running. We have 165 members. We have about 35 who are super, super active. And, and when I say super, super active, you will see those people every single day. So, and that's not possible for everybody with ADHD to be that active. We have 5 coaching calls a week available to everyone, and you could come to all 5 of them, or you could just come to one. What arc? Or a quarter of one, even if you wanted. We have body doubling all day long, and we have the online community where you can post memes and ask questions and do whatever it is you need in there. We have all of that already. We want to put it in a cute app so that it's easier and it's not body doubling in one place and community in another place. We want to make it more integrated, but we have been doing this. I have been doing this for— okay, I've been doing this for 25 years, but In this format, I've been doing this for five years. Come join us. Come have some fun. Come find your tribe. Come find your hive because we are building a hive where every one of us has a job, has a purpose, and feels that without judgment. And if we screw up and we don't show up for whatever our purpose was for the day, it's okay. Somebody else will jump in and cover you and totally get whatever the reason is why you couldn't. I couldn't do it. We are here. Please come join us. We look forward to seeing you. Thank you.