Why Play is So Important

Hello there. I'm Danielle Ralston. I am the founder and head coach here at ND Out Loud. What is ND Out Loud? ND Out Loud is a team of neurodivergent coaches. We are neurodivergent, every single one of us. TBIs, PTSD, ADHD, autism, AudiHD, and so much more. Bipolar disorder, all of the things. We also have a passion for supporting others like us so you don't have to struggle like we did in our past. We have All taken trainings and certifications and all of that so that we can support you in living a better life and upgrading all of the things that are frustrating about your life. What is this session going to give you? This session is going to give you actionable tips. So yes, we're gonna talk about our programs and all of the things that we offer, but I want you to walk away with something actionable for something that is overwhelming, frustrating, or just plain annoying you right now in your life. Or if you're a parent or a spouse of someone with NeuroDivergence, To help them as well. I want you to walk away with something today. So please sign up today for a free call. We can learn more about each other. Go. Good morning, everyone. This is Danielle and Shay with ND Out Loud, and we're talking about the importance of play. And part of why we're talking the importance of play is because you just kicked off something pretty cool that you're doing in your private practice.

Yes, it's actually learning how to get things figured out so you can play because we get so wrapped up into everything. And so I actually was going to start it off today, but you know how technology loves us so much, I have to postpone for another week. But that's okay because then that means more people can come play with us.

That's awesome. Uh, at the end we will post a link to you so you can join her, especially if she's doing a week off a week later than I thought. That's awesome.

I'm sorry, tech issues, but I get that.

I crashed 3 things this morning first thing, so I totally— There you go. So why play so important and something we deny ourselves, do you think? Because we deny ourselves a lot.

In a lot of ways, we take things so serious, and then in some other ways we don't. But I think it's how many times are you going to allow yourself that rest, that downtime to rejuvenate, to create, to do all the things that you want to do, let alone being able to do it? And if you don't allow that time to do it, then You're not rebuilding, you're not rejuvenating yourself, you're not able to have that creative side. And I know I do a play on words. So PLAY actually was an acronym, but it's to teach you how to get to being able to play. And so that's the cool part about all of this is being able to find the ways that we can go from getting the tasks done and getting all the to-dos figured out, but not letting it overwhelm us and hold us back from being able to have time to do other things.

For me, play is such a big part of being able to focus, like doing things in play. So I am a huge proponent with, if you guys see any of our Disney content, of doing play while doing things that are focus-based and need your attention and all of that. And that's, I teach the sandwich principle, which is get dopamine, do a task, get dopamine. And I'm usually trying to show my clients how to get dopamine while doing the things that they hate doing, have to do, whatever the thing it is like.

Mm-hmm.

When you're cleaning your house, if you want to listen to the Wicked soundtrack, go for it. Sing along, dance along. Yes, it'll take you 2 extra minutes to clean your kitchen, but you're going to feel so much better and more accomplished when you do it.

Absolutely.

And for me, that means listening to Star Wars soundtracks while I'm working. That is a big thing for me because yes, I'm a huge Star Wars geek. So I'm gonna listen to Star Wars, play with Star Wars stuff, do all of those things. When I'm in my office, I have a ton of Star Wars stuff. But incorporating play into all that we do is so important. And I think we've denied ourselves so long because we've been criticized that we're lazy or dumb or that 20,000 extra negative words that we as neurodivergents hear. But we don't have to be as boring as neurotypicals. We don't have to be professional all the time. I'm not going to do things in the least professional way possible in order to enjoy and actually accomplish the task. Because it's more than just enjoying it.

Yes, it's getting it done, but getting it done with fun.

Yes.

I went to a business conference last weekend, and I have to say that in that conference, there was a lady there that was talking about being ridiculously you. Okay. And her name is Julie May, and she is fabulous at teaching people to find your uniqueness, find your creativity, find the things. And I happened to mention to her, I was like, yeah, I'm at the business conference. I love it. Thank you so much. It resonated. Da da da. And I was telling her about the sock videos that I do on Instagram, and I said, I've had a a lot of flack sometimes of people going, why are you doing that? That's so weird. And I was telling her it was actually to get me started to posting on Instagram, doing the reels, because it felt so overwhelming to me that I was just trying to avoid it. And once I started doing it and having the fun, and then I told her how I really enjoy having cartoon socks on, and she goes, do you have them on today? And you know what? I didn't. I didn't because I was like, oh, it's a business conference. I should be a certain way. And she goes, girl, you need to be playing. You need to allow yourself to have that no matter where you are. And it's true. If we take away that uniqueness of us, we take away that play. We take away the things that we stand out with. And you can't ever stand out. My husband tells me this all the time. You can't ever stand out if you're trying to fit in. So if you're fitting in, you're not standing out and being who you need to be to attract someone else to you that needs your help or attract someone else to you that needs to find out how to play and have fun.

So this is especially so important for entrepreneurs. We, if you buy that Instagram course or that TikTok course or the YouTube course or whatever it is, they've got a set of rules that you have to follow in order to be successful. And if you're going to own a VA business, you have to do this, that, that, that, that, that, like, right. Whatever the thing is, we have these gurus that tell us that we have to do it exactly this way. And I get criticized all the time because I've gone into, when I was in corporate, into corporate board meetings and ripped up jeans, which is a standard of my, my wardrobe, a band t-shirt, and maybe I'll have a blazer on or a sweater on or something over the top of it. But I was never in corporate suits or stuff like that. And yes, I got criticism from neurotypicals, but I kept getting hired over and over and over. I got hired at 90% of the things I went into in corporate.

Right.

Because I didn't look like every single other person that came in after me or got interviewed or do anything. You have to stand out.

Exactly. But on top of that, and this is an issue for me, I don't wear clothes I'm not comfortable in. Okay, I can find very professional suits or professional-looking outfits, and I can be in them. But if I'm so uncomfortable, and I don't mean uncomfortable mindset, I mean, like textile, and a lot of us deal with touch stuff. You know, and, and how it feels on you and the feeling if it's almost like it's itchy or you're ripping the tags out because they're bugging the crap out of you and, you know, all of that. And so I find things that are comfortable for me. They, they look appropriate, so to speak. But you know what? If I'm thinking about how does that look on me because I'm itching and moving around because it's scratchy versus I'm standing there comfortable with what I'm wearing and I can focus on exactly what I need to deal with, talk about, or teach. Which one would you want to hire?

Yeah.

It's past that point of you have to look like this cookie-cutter corporate person. In fact, my husband and I had that discussion because the next day I went in my comfortable jeans. I went with a blazer on. I went with a nice shirt on and I had my cartoon socks on. But you know what? I had more people come to me and talk to me because I was more confident in who I was and what I was doing.

Obviously, I'm never going to exactly blend in hair color-wise for me. And I'm always wearing bows and headbands and stuff like that. Because my hair sticks outside, like as it's growing out, sticking out straight to the side. So it's partially because my hair is a disaster. The other part is I love them. And from a sensory standpoint, I love having headbands on.

I love hats. You can't necessarily wear them all the time. I'm wearing them today, not just because I like my hat, but because it's also shading my eyes from overstimulation because I had a lot of overstimulation in the last week. So who cares, right?

Do I know what I'm talking about?

Yeah. Do you with your bow in your hair? Of course you do. So who cares?

Exactly. And being confident while you do it is the other part. Being really confident in your own skin. And if you're— so masking is a big thing for us as neurodivergents. We think we have to mask or trying to not talk too much. We're trying not to talk with our hands too much. We're trying not to be loud. We're trying not to share too much or overshare. Or info dump on someone, or— but every one of those things that you have to mask, including what you're wearing, the shoes that you have on, the pants you have on, the underwear, the bra, the—

Oh, don't forget the makeup and the accessories and the earrings.

Yeah. Oh yeah. If you are like— I can't handle having earrings in right now, and I don't know why, because usually I love the weight of earrings, but they're— they send me in overdrive right now, so I'm just not wearing earrings.

Right.

And understanding and monitoring myself behind that, not masking those things because it's an acceptable thing or whatever it is.

Yes.

I think one of the biggest things I've had with a lot of women that are neurodivergent is I can't stand wearing an underwire bra. And I hate that I have to wear them to work. Why?

No, you don't.

Wear a sports bra. Who cares? Like.

You know what? If you need the sports bra, wear the sports bra. I mean, I wouldn't wear it just by itself. That's my own personal opinion. I don't think necessarily that's the best place to wear it. But all with everything we're saying, it still goes back to that creativity side. Now, when you show up, Danielle, and you're in a playful mood, and let's say you're going to do a speech and you're in a playful mood, do you do— do you feel like you do better with that speech That way than if you're like, okay, we're going to be talking on these points. I need to make sure I have these points.

Yes. Way more. I get more clients or interaction and networking and contacts and all kinds of things when I do that. So those of you that don't know, I went to, for the last couple of years, I've gone to the CHAD conference, which is a professional conference for therapists and coaches and things like that. Uh, let me tell you, I go, if you've, if you've seen me at the CHAD conference or seen the pictures from the CHAD conference, I am about as far from that as possible. Um, shoes and crowns and bows and my hair and Mickey Mouse ears or whatever it is I decide to wear. This year we had a professional table where we could show off our business and stuff. We had lightsabers and stickers and coloring pages and had R2-D2 and C-3PO and BB-8 on a dress. And I had a tutu underneath it and I had my R2-D2 ears on and we had lightsaber battles and we had fun.

And how many people came to you?

Hundreds, hundreds.

Right. Because you had something different. It's kind of like when you're scrolling on, you know, we do our lovely doom scrolling and something looks out of place or it's different. All of a sudden we stop. It's not necessarily because we're interested in what it is. We stop because it looks different and we want to see. And when we have that play, we're a little different. So people want to see.

People want to be entertained. Even in the professional world, they want to be entertained. They want somebody to catch their attention, but we want to be entertained when we're doing the thing.

Those mundane or boring tasks, like you mentioned cleaning your house. Well, for me, it's doing the laundry. I don't mind doing the laundry. I don't even mind putting the laundry away, but that folding, I'm not— I mean, I don't mind folding, but I have to be motivated. So the motivation for me is I either turn some show on or I have some music playing in the background like you were talking about, or I do something that kind of is a little entertaining in some way. You know, dancing in the house with my dog while I'm doing the laundry, you know, and he's looking at me like, Mom, you've lost your mind. And that's okay. You know, my son comes home from work at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I'm sitting in the kitchen working. He's like, why don't you work in your office? Because it's different. There's more light. I can get up and bounce around the room where I can't in my office because it's smaller. I mean, why do we have to have it be so hard? To be working, honestly. Why can't we have fun in it? I used to have a button in my office that was a blah blah button. I don't know if you know what that is, but it's kind of like go easy button, right?

I have the screaming goat, which drives my husband absolutely insane. I haven't heard that one, but you hit the blah blah button.

It had like twenty different variations of blah blah. So when somebody come in and they'd be whining, and this is when I used to work in an office, I'd hit the blah blah button, and then I gave it to my my operations officer because he had more complaints coming in than I did. So he'd sit there. And listen to them and give them an answer. And all of a sudden in the other office, I'd hear blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then another one, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I mean, it's, it's a riot because it makes those moments kind of comical.

Less frustrating, less overwhelming. That's why I wear cartoon socks.

I know people are like, what's that got to do with it? It's fun.

And it makes me happy.

Yeah.

Like, well, right now I have a whole bunch of punny t-shirts. And they're all music. So this says ADHD, I go my own way.

Ooh, I want one.

And I have another one that says Deaf tired on it. And it looks like a Def Leppard t-shirt. And I have an AC/DC, for those about to hey squirrel, you know, like I find ADHD pun music, punny music shirts entertaining. Nobody else, my husband just sees me wear them and rolls his eyes cuz he thinks they're the stupidest thing ever.

That's you. I mean, I have— don't laugh. I have 200 pairs of socks.

That's awesome.

Because I wear one and then I put it in a basket and I still have new ones to wear. I have about another 60 to wear. So it's kind of fun. But then I'm going to start rotating them eventually. No, I've only worn them once except for a couple pair that I used to have before I even started all this. So it makes the day kind of like, oh, like today's Monday. Who loves Mondays? Not many people. I don't mind it because I'm like, okay, we're jumping back in. Let's get going. But it makes it a little bit fun because I'm like, hmm, I wonder what socks I'm going to wear today. Like yesterday for church, y'all, I wore Sylvester socks to church. Now they were in boots, so they didn't stand out, but I knew they were there.

You knew they were there?

And on Saturday when I did my webinar, I had my Tasmanian devil ones on and it was fun. Nobody knew, but I did. And I had fun. So it's like, what play can you incorporate in your day to day? It's not just waiting until you go on vacation. It's not just waiting until some big event. It's what can you do day to day? Like, I'll dance around the house with my dog. I crochet bunnies, which keeps me happy, which makes me be able to give to somebody else. I love to make dinner because then we all sit at the dinner table and we crack jokes and we all tell about each other's day because we've got my husband who's working, my son who's working, I'm working. So we all 3 have different experiences. You guys, make it fun.

I mean, look at us. My water bottle is fun because I have Star Wars stickers and I have I'm Worthy of Love ADHD. She has superpower. Don't underestimate the force. Underestimate me. That will be fun. And then I have ones that are slightly inappropriate, which I won't say because I don't want to get flagged. But—

I have that with my planner. I started putting stickers on my planner. This is a planner I designed. And you know what? Because of that creativity and the play in it, I'm now creating one so everybody can have it.

When we do things that engage us, we're also 90% more productive.

Oh my gosh, yes. So much more productive.

We can get so much more done in our days. So how are you playing today? What are you doing to enjoy play? Because when you enjoy play, you can do so much more. And You're not masking. When we don't mask, we get less overwhelmed. When we're less overwhelmed, we can get more done. When we get more done, we get more productive. When we're more productive, we can have more fun. And when we can have more fun, we can be more productive. And it starts this cycle of success versus the cycle of shame that so many of us can live in. And I have days where I live like that. Last week was a real major struggle for me the whole entire week, and I had to rely on all of my tools, my staff, my team members, all of that in order to keep me moving throughout the week because I couldn't do it for myself.

Right.

But I'm back on track. I had a squirrel day this weekend. Saturday, I cleaned out my closet because I got caught in my wheelchair. So I have to remove things from my closet that have ribbons on it and long tails and stuff, which sounds depressing and that's frustrating. But I listened to a comedian for an hour and a half and cleaned out— my ribs hurt so bad.

Laughing?

By the time I was done cleaning out my closet, And then I was taking pictures to send to my friend so that she could ask her adult daughter if she wanted stuff because we're similar size. And then what else was I doing? I was reading a book and watching, and then I found a mood vibe channel that goes with the book I'm reading. And I'm reading a book about dragons.

So it was—

Nice. You hear a dragon breathing fire and burning things down and flying. It was just— I love that. The Diva D channel, and I was playing games on my little game thing, and I was eating and playing with my dog all at the same time.

Now, a neurotypical person would look at you and be like, there's no way. There's no way you could do it. I'm like, yes, there is. There's lots of ways.

Taking annotations in my book, and I was just having the best time and bouncing all over and doing all of these things. And mind you, this is somebody— I have major chronic illnesses and I have a hard time moving around and doing things. So I've had to adapt my— so my brain can have the energy and use up the energy it needs somehow. And I—

Yeah, I hear you. Having a minor TBI and the severe concussion that I had, you know, I have headaches 24/7, so I have to pay attention to my body, but that doesn't mean that I have to shut down completely. If I pay attention, I can keep playing, which means I can keep going and progressing forward instead of pushing myself so far, so hard by doing all the masking and trying to fit in and trying to do everything that everybody else wants me to do. Which then puts me in the overwhelm, which then what you're talking about where you stop, you flatline, you're done. You're not going to do anything else because you're just, you can't, you're so overwhelmed. It's like doors are closed, windows are shuttered. I'm done. But when I stay out of that, when I look at what's one fun thing I can do each day, and it may be like my husband comes home and I crack a joke at him and he cracks a joke back at me and we start this joke thing back and forth, or it could just be the dog starts chasing. Okay, you have to— this is funny. 53-year-old woman running through her house as fast as she can, chasing the dog, and then the dog chasing her. It is a riot. It is so much fun for me. And my husband just stands there. Now, my husband's 70, so he's just looking at me like, you have lost your mind. The first time I did it, he literally was like, you have lost your mind. And I'm like, no, I'm having fun. But they don't expect that from me. And so now I'll just— all I have to do is just do a little, like, little patter with my feet and the dog's ready to go. And we'll chase each other around the house and around the couch, and he'll jump up on the back of the couch and sit there and Everybody's laughing. What happens in your home if everybody is laughing?

So much less stress and less overwhelm for everybody else, right?

It's so fun.

And my husband and I will watch ridiculous, and I do mean ridiculous, videos on YouTube just to entertain ourselves at night, just so we can relax. He has a very, very high-stress job. I, some days, because I do work in mental health with my clients, They're stressful.

Well, we have to let our brain rest. Bottom line, guys, let your brain rest. And that's part of what the game is, is letting your brain rest and have some fun with it and allowing yourself to just take a breath. Everybody says when you're going to sleep at night, you should turn off the TV. You shouldn't have any screens or blah, blah, blah, blah, right? If I don't turn some documentary on or something that's kind of boring but cool at the same time, I will stay awake for hours. But if I turn that on, 5 to 10 minutes, because it shuts my brain down and lets me go to sleep because now it's not going, you got to do this. Don't forget that.

Oh, what about this?

And you have an appointment, you know, just running through those cycles, but it just takes a little bit of that attention away and I'm out.

I have to listen to music. I have to listen to something. I have to focus for a little while. I have a routine in place. My husband and I have a morning routine to get started. We're both neurodivergent. We have a nighttime routine to end our day.

Right.

And without those things, I can't do it. And my husband and I laugh so much. We laugh so much at things, at each other. We are, we're okay. So we're both Gen X and from New York. So our sarcasm is just very deep, deep, deep, deeper, but it's entertaining. And now my son, it's something he learned early on. We actually had part of homeschooling is we taught him how to be sarcastic. I'm very, very sorry about that now, now that he's an adult, by the way, because he's much better. Than me.

Quick-witted. Yeah.

Oh, he is. But I had to teach him. We had to teach it to him because he's very autistic and didn't understand. Now he does. There are things we teach our children and as adults we look at, wonder what the heck we were thinking. Yeah.

Yeah.

But by doing that, my son, and my son has a roommate and he knows when they come into our house, they know that by the time they leave, they're going to feel better. They're going to be less overwhelmed. They're going to have fun. Even if we're just sitting on the couch and talking, we don't have to do anything.

Just your presence. And that's what I mean by play. If you can put the play in who you are. I mean, we're taught that we need to do to be. It's the other way around. We need to be to do. You first have to be who you are so that you can do the things that you want to do so that you can create the things you want to create. I mean, in an entrepreneurial world like you and I are in, We really need to be creative, not to be able to outshine someone else, but to allow ourselves to be able to become more and more and more as far as what we're trying to give to the world. Like, we're trying to help people with neurodivergence. We're trying to help them figure out how to deal with this world, this society, how to step out there and be like, yes, I'm neurodivergent and it's okay. I don't have to pretend I'm somebody that I'm not just to be able to fit in and it's okay. But at the same time, you know, say, I can accept you for who you are. Please just accept me for who I am. And let's just respect each other and move on.

Exactly. And I love that. So how are you playing today? How are you bringing play into life? I would love to hear from you. Let us know if you're struggling to play, if you're struggling to figure out how to play. Well, Shay has something coming next week for it. Just ask and we will share the link with you. We want you to learn to play because it is so important. It's one of the big things that we do here in the community. We have a lot of play and My bestie, when I went to Disney World with her, on our way back because we road trip, we were talking. She's like, "You need to do daily neurodivergent tips." Hmm.

That's a good idea.

She goes, "But some of them need to be absolutely ridiculous." So I spent the other night. I couldn't sleep. I wrote over 200 the other night.

Okay, then I don't need to help you. Just tell me what they are.

Absolutely ridiculous. Some of them are just regular whatever ADHD tips and tricks, but. Some of them are absolutely ridiculous, and I cannot wait to start putting them out there because play is so important. Play really is important. So I hope you join us. Come join the community. We're just $20 a month. All kinds of play. Come have some fun with us and support body doubling and coaching and all kinds of things. But join Shay for her 30 Days of Play because I think that's going to be really, really cool. And I probably am going to sign up even though I really don't have time. I still probably am going to sign up.

Here's the cool thing about that, Danielle. I made sure that it wasn't going to take a lot of time because we don't need a lot of that.

That's good.

We need to find our time, not add to it.

Well, I definitely need that right now. I hope you all have an amazing day. Let us know if you have questions. We really do want to support you.