WHY you need an ND style goal setting.

And we're live on YouTube. And we're live on LinkedIn. Okay, good morning everyone. I hope you're having an amazing day today. Sorry, it takes a minute for this to go live. Each platform trickles in, doesn't all start at the same time. This is Danielle from ND Out Loud and VIDA. So today we're talking about goal setting ADHD and ADHD style. And it is a very different thing. It is not the same thing as doing it when you are neurotypical, or, or even, I'm gonna say, even if you are bipolar or have Suffer from CPTSD, all of those. ADHD and AuDHD have a very unique way of needing to set goals. And here's the thing I'm going to tell you, you need to set goals because you know that chaos of running from room to room and not knowing what you're doing? You feed that when you don't have some goals.

So we're actually—

we actually have changed up our group program, and today is the first day. of doing it just once a month, which we have been doing for a long time, we are diving into doing goal planning once a week. And then we have daily goal planning threads that we plan for our goals in and make sure that we're staying on task with our main part of the goals for the week. So we're kicking off doing that at 9 AM Central today. And this is why we're gonna have the conversation. So why do we need to plan and have goal—

We have to have goal planning. And we talked about this a little bit last Friday. For us, we have so many irons in the fire and we're doing so many amazing new things that I get a lot of anxiety because I'm afraid that something has fallen through the cracks and like I've missed it. And the other thing is prioritization. So one is to making sure you don't forget something that's huge, and 2, it's prioritization. Because we have this incredible knack for doing all of these things in a short period of time when we finally get to working on them. But the thing is, we're probably going to gravitate to the thing we think is more fun or interesting. So to ensure that the boring, uh, backend things that still need to be done are getting done, we have to prioritize. So I've seen a lot of people do the big 3, and I even saw some Post-it notes this weekend that have— they're pre-printed on them. It's like, what are your top 3 priorities? That's what I do when I do accountability calls. And the other thing that I also do is like, it's kind of a, uh, more detailed, more indie-friendly Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Pyramid. It's like, is this a food, shelter, water issue? If it is, then those should be first. Is this a deadline safety issue? Then it's next, and then on down the list, you know, because you have to have a way of prioritization. One of my favorite things to pick apart is an Eisenhower Matrix. Eisenhower made the Eisenhower Matrix, and it was a way for him to prioritize, like, this needs to be done and this is on fire. And it's these 4 little cute boxes. However, when NDEs try to fill out an Eisenhower Matrix, they— it's kind of like when you give a— when you get a coding bot, like, stuck in a corner. And it's like, does not compute, does not compute. So the Eisenhower Matrix rules don't make sense to the ADHD brain, because you have to be able to prioritize. And for us, everything is on fire right now and needs to be done right now. So I like going through the hierarchy of needs.

So I love going through the hierarchy of needs. But, but the next thing is Is that there's a second set of needs, especially if you have a day job or you're an entrepreneur. Stay-at-home moms, you know what, this works for everybody else. You've got your hierarchy of needs is food, shelter, personal care that Vida was talking about. The next thing is there is a perfectly acceptable professional way to choose what is next. And the thing that we have to switch flip the switch on in the mindset is that there's a professional way to plan and prioritize your day. There is not. Number 2, there is no perfect order to do anything in. Get rid of that.

Yeah.

And once you get rid of that eeny meeny miny moe, and I literally, I have clients that really struggle with this, have them write their tasks on individual pieces of paper or cut them apart and put them in a hat. And pick something out of the hat because it's about getting a task done. It's not about the order. It's not about it. It's not about anything else. It's just about taking action. There is no perfect order. There is no perfect way to do it. And that is, I think, 20-something years ago when I realized that that was a huge thing to me because I thought things. Things had to be done in a very specific order, and if I didn't do them in the perfect specific order, I, I was horrible. And there was a lot of shame about not picking things and getting things in a certain order, so I would get frozen and then get nothing done.

Right.

And there are still days that I'll have a— I've got so many things to do on my list and need to take a nap. And you want to know what? That's also perfectly acceptable because We have more burnout mode issues than your average person. And sometimes your goals, you have so many things going on that your brain and your body can't handle it and it needs to rest. My clients are always really surprised when I say, so you've been doing a whole lot lately. You seem really, really overwhelmed. Today's a rest day. I don't care what's on your list. And they look at me like I'm— I got 12 heads.

Yeah.

And I think that's the other big thing that we have to learn is self-care is our first task in our lives.

Yeah, because if we don't take— it's the oxygen mask thing. I know we've all heard it 100 times, but we're not very good at implementing it. And the oxygen mask thing is if you're on a plane and the oxygen masks fall out, You have to put yours on first before you can help those around you. And the reasoning behind that is because if you pass out and you're the most able-bodied person in your row, no one else is going to be able to help you put yours on. So you put yours on and then you help those around you, then you do all the stuff, right?

So how are— and if you— I think this is the other thing that I had to learn over time, is if I didn't do things to take care of myself, Mm-hmm. And take care of my body and take care of my energy needs and recognize how many spoons I have today and things like that, then there's going to be a time 5 days from now, maybe a month from now, where I totally crash and I end up 3 months behind because I've pushed my body so far into burnout mode that it takes me months to recover. Um, and when you're ADHD and AuDHD, we almost all of us, And unfortunately, this is— there's very few that I know that don't suffer from other autoimmune disorders. And we have to— that autoimmune piece for us has to be taken into consideration in everything that we do.

Yeah.

So goals look very differently for us. Again, self-care has to be your first goal, making sure you keep tiny humans alive And I don't care whether they're fuzzy ones or, or two-legged ones. Um, and then taking care of your environment is number 3. So your house, making sure your laundry is done, making sure there's food to eat, all of those things. And you're like, well, those are all self-care things.

Yeah.

You notice that those are the first things always should be on your list. And then again, eeny meeny miny moe is perfectly acceptable. And people laugh at me when I say that to them. I'm like, I'm really not kidding. The eeny meeny miny moe is your acceptable way to choose your other priorities. Yeah, but writing them down and following through. But one of the biggest things, goal setting for an ND person, is having accountability and support.

Because left to our own devices, like we've talked about this, it takes, it takes a village. The reason that more ADHD people don't know that they have, uh, these things going on with them until after high school is because there is a high level of support from kindergarten through 12th grade for accountability. There are people following you around the building like, hey, did you turn this in? Hey, did you do this? There's a lot of scaffolding there. And then once you graduate high school, it's gone. So The amount of people that are diagnosed in college or during a major life transition goes up exponentially because all of a sudden they're having to manage it on their own. And we know this. So as adults with neurodivergent tendencies, uh, we need to band together and work towards our strengths.

So when you're When we're planning, it's understanding that it takes so much that when when I go plan with someone else, when I have accountability, when I body double those things that I do every single day, I'm doing them consistently every single day. Good morning, Rebecca. Thank you for joining us. When I do those things every single day, then my day has success in it every single time without fail. When I don't do those things, there may be zero success in my day.

Right.

And I hate saying that, but it's so true.

Well, and we were talking about it last week. It was like, I, I have to have a list. I need a to-do list or something. Can we meet more in the morning? That's why a lot of companies have like the morning huddle or things like that, is to set the priorities for the day. Now, not everybody does that, but a lot of companies do. Like, hey, let's, let's meet up and say like, these are our top priorities today. Danielle, you do this. Fida, you do this, and go. It shouldn't be a huge, long meeting. It shouldn't be one of those things that could have been an email. Sometimes it's face-to-face. It is to set priorities, ask clarifying questions, and then go. And then you don't need one again for the rest of the week until it's like a checkout on Friday. Like, have we done the things we need to do? Because you're going to be checking in with each other throughout the week. So it's like you check in on Monday, you check out on Friday. Guess what? Schools do this for kids on behavioral plans to help them set accountability goals.

So it is, it's so important. And that's why we said we're going to plan goals in our program starting this morning. And even our $19.99 program gets this. And we're going to be doing this at 9 AM Central for those of you that need that reminder. So we're, we're doing it at 9 AM Central, we're going to do it, we're going to write out the goals, we're going to add them to our community space. We have a goal and daily attention space in our community. And then we're going to check in with each other daily. Hey, hey, Kelly, how you doing? How's that goal going that you had? Hey, Rebecca, how you doing? And I expect y'all to do that with me too. Hey, Danielle, how you doing? And I'm gonna tell y'all, I need so much check-ins right now because my brain— I can't stop. My brain is like on on 9,000 right now for ideas and plate spinning and, and basketball spinning on other places. And, and, and, and, and because there's so much going on. Last Monday, y'all know that life changed in an instant.

Yeah.

By Friday, I had so many things on my plate that I never thought were even possible or, or were 5-year goals or 10-year goals. They're all like Now everything's spinning at the same time. What can Danielle do? How can Danielle handle it?

How can—

so, so there's, there is a lot of when we have those huge, massive changes. And, and I will tell you, in the middle of all of this, I don't know how to plan for myself right now because my normal planning system that I've been using for the last 2 years consistently now got blown to hell and won't work because I don't need that type of structure at all anymore. So And okay, I'm a planning expert. Like, I have certifications. I'm a master planner and organization specialist. And then I'm, I'm an operational specialist. I can go into a company of 10,000 people and see all of the gaps in planning. Do you think I can do that for myself?

Nope.

The answer is absolutely not. And I have no idea how to now plan my day. So I need this. And I'm the expert in I need this. Everyone needs this. This is not a because I'm broken thing, because I'm certainly not broken. I'm on, on, on hyperspace aware everything right now, which means I need it even more, believe it or not.

Well, and our brains are constantly spinning and adding new things to the list. I mean, Danielle and I have a very specific method for tracking the ideas that run in. Uh, to our brains on the weekends. So it's like, okay, we're gonna put these— it's like our weekend parking lot, right? All the ideas go in there. And, um, they also go to our, uh, assistant, our admin assistant. She's amazing. We're like, please don't let us forget to put this on the list on Monday. And that's an extra layer of accountability. And, uh, so we put those in there. And that way on Monday we can meet and talk about them. Like, okay, let's debrief these ideas. Do they need to be added to the list this week, or are these a problem for future Vida and Danielle?

That's always so hard to do. And Vida is very— I will say Vida is my Danielle, this goes on the future list, don't do it right now. So I, I have a Vida for that, and I have a Gina who will beat me senseless if I try to do it now. Um, Christina says it's a lot of planning. Planning is the key. Sometimes the way we do things has to be completely redone. Yeah, I, right now, I, I mean, I've had a very specific way because I could be meeting with 25 clients in a week or 30 clients in a week, and I had a very, very, um, specific way I was planning for myself. And now I'm more task-oriented and not people-oriented. And that's a— my brain is having a hard time making that switch. And again, I'm the expert in this. I've, I've taught corporate trainings to rooms of 5,000 people on this. I cannot do it for myself. And I'm gonna have a hard time this week. Kelly says, I love to plan, but putting things into action is a whole other ballgame. And that's, again, Kelly, that's why you're part of ADHD Upgrade is because we can help you take that action. You've just got to show up on all of that. Ah, we got a spot in here.

Yeah, Jessica says, I'm exhausted and can't concentrate after driving all weekend. That's a lot of us, honestly. We overdo on the weekends, whether it's by necessity or because we're just left to our own devices. That's why I think the Monday, like, accountability session, goal-setting session, is so important to get all of us, like, As a team, what are your priorities? Okay, I'm exhausted and my brain's not working. Well, let's borrow some of my executive function. Let's get you a list. That way it helps you and you're not floundering for the rest of the week.

Yep. Hey y'all, there's now a drug report thing for Facebook. You can report somebody posting for drug stuff immediately.

Cool.

That's, that's new. Okay, anyway, deleting that comment. So we also— Kelly said a little bit ago, I have so many ideas, so many messages to spread, so little executive function to make it happen. Again, we keep trying to remind you all that executive function is— sometimes we have to staff our executive function. That doesn't necessarily mean hiring somebody. That means having somebody who can help you create the taking action space. Sometimes we just need that space to take action. The, the big key is showing up, remembering to show up. And those of you in our program, I want to remind you the Zoom link has changed. So go to the welcome area in Mighty Networks and check out where the new link is. I will also be posting the link for you guys here in a little bit so you can get to it. And then, uh, and, and then we'll be able to take action on those things. Is it normal for something to work for a few weeks and then not? Oh yeah, hell yes. But this is why we need 20 ways to do one thing, and this is where habit switching comes in. Habit switching is so essential for us, and this is something that we've talked about in the program a lot. being able to understand this is what my energy level is today. This is what my executive function skills are today. And this is the thing that will work for me the best today. And sometimes it's not a thing. It's a, hey, Danielle, I need more help. Hey, community, get in wheelo with me. Hey, hey, hey, it's asking for help. It's the support piece that we need the most. And it also comes into recognizing your patterns. Once you learn to recognize your own patterns, and we often need somebody on the outside to tell us, hey, this is a pattern for you. Do you remember when you did XYZ or did you did da da da da da? It's it's those pattern recognition because I will know when I'm super exhausted that I need to go to asking somebody else to tell me what to do today. I can't tell my I can't somebody else has to pick it out of my brain and ask me questions to figure it out what it was I needed to do. When I'm high energy, lists are amazing. My whiteboards behind me are amazing. You guys are about to see the whiteboards. I'm very sad because I want the Disney stuff to stay up behind me, but I need my whiteboards for business-aware design, and I have to dive into business-aware design for the next month, and I need to dive into it really, really heavily with what's going on. So I've got to get all my business-aware design stuff out and start using that. Um, You need to know what you need in your situation. So Rebecca says, last week I was so overwhelmed I couldn't think on how to rearrange, and y'all were able to offer me something so simple that I couldn't even think of them— think of in the moment. Yeah, absolutely. I love that, and I'm glad that we were able to help Rebecca. But that's why it's so important to have your community, because again, they can see something That we can't. They could see something that we can't often because there almost always is a simpler solution and we're overcomplicating it because we overcomplicate for ourselves on epic levels.

And I mean, it could be okay, it can be a high-level function, it can be something super tactile and visual, it can be all of the things. Uh, my dad was helping me work on my Jeep one time, and he was just killing himself trying to get this piece off of the Jeep. And he was cranking on it. He had my husband out there. They were doing all this stuff, and I just was looking at it from afar, and I just walked up to it and grabbed the piece and pulled it off.

Yeah, and now my husband is a mechanic. He grew up with mechanic I have the same kind of story. Mechanic father, and his truck broke down at some point, and I'm like, what's that wire hanging down?

Oh, that's not it.

I mean, he kept going on and on and on that had to be something comfortable, like really complicated and all that, and it was the wire came unplugged from something. I'm like, that wasn't there before. I recognized that that wasn't there before. Why aren't you recognizing that wasn't there before? You know. Sometimes it's really, really simple. Other times it's, we need somebody to really like come beside us, hold our hand and really help us dive into it. Again, it's knowing the patterns. It's knowing how to habit switch. Habit switching is such an important tool to learn when you're ADHD. Such an important—

It is. And you can learn everything about a Jeep from a YouTube video. I'm telling you, they're like the Legos of vehicles. Yes.

So how can you get the support you need today? It's very rarely in yourself. It's very rarely doing it on your own. It really is finding the community to create goal setting that is going to actually work for you and that you could take action on. Remember, I talk about things need to be obtainable, they need to be actionable, and they need to be supportable. That is the 3 keys to having success in a neurodivergent brain— actionable or obtainable, actionable, and supportable. Yes, ma'am, because those are the 3 things Every successful adult that you know, ND or not— and this does not go for you if you're just ADHD or AuDHD because you're broken and you need these things— every successful person that you can read about or see online, they take— they make sure everything's obtainable in their day. They make sure the things that they are going to do is actionable, and they have support for everything. Everything in their lives. You read those 7 Habits of Highly Effective People or high-achieving people, all of those things, every single one of those things is they have support.

Yeah.

And they take small action.

Yeah, it's, it's right. Okay, so there, and I mean, I, there's a million metaphors for it. Like, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. So there's your small steps. Just eat the frog. So they want you to do the worst thing first. Like, there's so many Things to do. But if you don't have someone that's like, did you do it? You may or may not do it. It depends on your level of executive function that day.

Knowing your patterns. Yes, I love that, Kelly. Thank you. I was gonna actually mention that to Jessica. Even if you don't make your bed, leave your bed. And get dressed. Put something uncomfortable on for 10 minutes. And I'm just telling you to put something uncomfortable on for 10 minutes, enough that it's going to annoy you enough that you have to go back and change. Because if you're uncomfortable, you're going to be agitated and you're going to want to go back and change, and then you're going to be up for the day and you're not going to want to crawl back in bed. Then Jessica, the caffeine is going to be necessary. Today with you doing all of that driving this weekend.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna lie, I get out of bed and I, I generally put on like— depends on the weather— sweatpants or shorts, and I come in here and I do the live with Danielle while I drink my coffee, and after the live's over, then I go get dressed.

I have to get fully dressed for the day before I can do anything, because if I don't, I won't actually get dressed for the day. I won't take a shower, and I'll feel off all day. So if I come into this office, I have to already be ready for the day, or there is no recovering my day. That's, that's my thing that gets me going for the day.

Oh, I really need to do that, but I have found that I have an immense amount of anxiety about trying to get that done and get in here for our appointment. And so this is me on a moderate executive function day. It's like, no, I'm gonna be like in some sweats and a t-shirt, you know, and got my Doc Holliday shirt on for Say When. And, and like, we're— got a cup of coffee. And then when this is over, yeah, I'll go put on some regular lady clothes.

So I love Kelly. See, this is why having an ADHD community is so important. All of these tips that everybody's giving Jessica, this is exactly how we help each other. And this is how we create that regularly. This is how we create that scaffolding around ourselves to make sure that we can succeed in our days. So I hope you guys have an amazing day. Thank you for joining us this morning. I love when y'all join us and Have questions?

Yes.

Talk back with us. Uh, you guys have an amazing day. Join us if you are not part of ADHD Upgrade and you want to see what it's all about. You could join right now and join us at 9:00 AM Central today. It is $19.99 a month. We do have higher packages for more support. You could just start out with the $19.99 a month, see if you like it. And at $19.99, you get a goal setting call on Monday. And on Tuesday, we have a coaching call slash body doubling call. On Wednesday, we have the same thing. And on Thursdays, if you're at our mastermind level, you get a mastermind training and hot seat coaching call as well. So, and then we also have a call on Tuesday nights at 7 PM Central. So we have so much support for you at $19.99, as well as the community and all kinds of other things available to you. Come join us. Have an amazing day today. And Jessica, remind me to give you the link for the freaking community because I've been forgetting for 2 weeks straight now. I need to do that right now. So you all have an amazing day today. Come join us, learn how to plan that works for your brain, and learn your own patterns so you can find success every single day, because it is possible. Okay, not every day, 90% of the time, because we are still— we still need downtime.

Yes, because every day is perfect. Yeah, not every day is a gold star day.

Nope, I don't want gold star days every day because then it would be— yeah, I wouldn't be me.

But you know, we've— I've said it before, like, most people live in the bell curve. Most people live at a 70 to 80% success rate on their days. 100% days are, are like a flash in the pan. They happen every now and then. And a zero function day happens every now and then. But most people live in that nice little bell curve. And that's okay. That's still success.

Okay, I sent Jessica the link.

Yes, good girl.

Amazing day. Have an amazing Monday, everyone, and we will be back again this week.