2023 Spilt Dating Tea from TT

Hey, girl. Welcome to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

Hello, my loves. I hope you're doing well. On this summer day in 2023, I wanted to highlight some of my top TikTok videos that really hit a nerve with so many women. I thought that this might be helpful as you navigate your dating journey in the year of 2023 and especially in the summer months. So without further ado, here we go, girl.

Hey, girl. My name is Anwar White. I'm a dating coach for women of color, specifically black women. And I wanted to actually talk to you a little bit about the best and worst dating apps in 2023 for Black women, specifically because it changes year after year. So, for example, in the pandemic, Hinge was killing it. Now, hinge is not anywhere where it needs to be. So I want to go through the apps, the worst ones and the ones, and we'll go from there. So the worst ones don't be on Tinder, girl. That's for 25 and younger. And if you want to be. You want to hook up, you want to be objectified, go on Tinder. But many of you don't want that eharmony. Don't do it. It is racism clothed in a crucifix, girl. Don't do it. Plenty of fish. That is for the catfish of the world, literally and figuratively. The bottom feeders as well as they will catfish you on there. Blk, don't do it. BLK has a lot of those guys that are, you know, those cousins that you don't really talk about or talk to, they're on blk, so you don't want to go in there. What else? Raya and the League, super elitist, super racist. They're not checking for you if you're a black girl. No shade. What else? I'm trying to Facebook dating. Don't do that. The men on Facebook dating are not intentional. They're not really looking to date. Now for the actual apps that I like. I love Match, especially if you're 35 and over. I love OkCupid, and it's especially good if you are an intellectual snob and a little quirky. Or nerdy. And then I love coffee meets bagel. Now these three are really great, but it also means that you have to open up and date everyone, black and non black men. The two dating apps that are city specific are Hinge and Bumble. I didn't really love Bumble before, but in 2023, a lot people have been on Bumble. So I like Bumble for certain cities. Seattle, San Francisco, Bay area, Austin, New York. Because a lot of the tech guys are there, the engineers, and they need a little bit of a nudge. So if you want an engineer or an accountant, they'll be on Bumble. I like Hinge, but I only like Hinge on certain cities. Like I call them cities. No shade to people that live in cities. Indianapolis, Milwaukee. Right. Some of those smaller cities.

Hinge is really good on those specific cities. Now here's the thing. I love apps because you get to talk to thousands of people with your fingertips. But it's not about the apps. Dating is about the woman that you become. And that's the work. When it comes to actually doing this work, it's just a medium. And that's why my clients do so well. Because not only are we getting on the best apps, but we're also doing the inner work to make sure that they're getting into the best relationship, other life. And that's why 85% of my clients get into the best relationship of their lives in my six month program. So if you're interested in that, definitely book a call. But otherwise, keep it cute. Hey, girl, I have a question for you. What percentage of black men do you think are actually checking for black women? Now, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Amar White. I am a dating coach for smart and successful women of color, specifically black women. And we have to talk about this because I think a lot of y' all think that the majority of these black men are actually checking for you. But as you can tell by the graph above, girl, it's only 37%. Now this was a study done by OkCupid about response rates from black women. But as you can tell, black men are only representing about 37%. And that is not significantly different than Hispanic men. Indian men and even Middle Eastern men are significantly higher than Black men at 40%. Why am I sharing this? Because a lot of people will tell me, oh, Anwar, you're anti black love. I'm not. I'm actually pretty pro black woman love. So I want you all to have the biggest opportunity to find love and the best way to do that is to check for people who are checking for you. These black men are not checking for you as much as you think that they are. And that is especially true for dark skinned black women. That is not in the statistics, but I'm pretty sure it's probably half of these numbers. Why am I sharing this with you? Because I want you to date all of them, honey. I want you to date all of them. I want you to find your guy. Try brown if you're not ready for all white. And if you're ready for white specifically, look for the Jewish and the Italian men who have historically married and been with black women. Marriage rates for Black women are 29%, which is half of those other races. The reason why is because there is a hyper focus on being with black men. Only 37% of black men are really checking for you. We gotta go where we're loved and where we're cherished. I hope this helps. And if you want to learn how to date differently with a wider net, book a call with me. If you don't find him attractive, don't give him a chance just because he's nice. Men never give women chances just because they're nice. If they don't think you're cute, they're not even going to look in your direction. If your coochie is not throbbing when you look at this man, he is not the one. Hey girl. So you get to date however you want to date. But here is the danger of dating with your coochie throbbing, right? Basically you are leading with your hormones. And this is what we did when we were in high school. And it's not going to serve you as a grown ass woman. Here's what I want to offer to you. Recently Match.com actually did a research study and 50% of the couples that met on Match.com said that they were not initially attracted to their partners. I want that to seep in for a little bit, right? Because many of us are hoping that our coochies are throbbing immediately and really focused on the spark. And the spark is not going to help you, it's actually going to hurt you. One, because when you are led with hormones, your deductive reasoning skills go out of the window. I want us to do it differently. As a dating coach for smart and successful women, I help my clients date for 30 to 40 years from now. Not what's happening right now. Because here's the thing, if you want a date like that, that's fine. It's your prerogative. But please understand that that throbbing coochie of yours that is supposed to be the barometer for whether the guy is good or not, or whether you should lean in and really, really try to figure out or make it work with him, that is hormones. And that is something that is going to fade within 18 months of getting to know a guy. After that, you. You will have nothing with a guy. Please understand this and realize that this is not the way to do it, at least in my opinion. Let me know in the comments whether you have dated like this or if you're dating in a different way. And if you want to work with me, book a call with me, because I have a complete strategy in terms of how to date, especially for women of color that has been wildly successful. Is anybody else 100% convinced that their future partner, their spouse, their soulmate, just doesn't exist in the city that they're from? And this is 100% true. Your person might not be in the city that you're currently in. And this is why I have to spit some game for you all. As a dating coach for 13 years, this is how I want you to work the apps instead of the apps working you. Okay? So I want you to be on two apps and I want those apps to be in different cities. One in your city and the other one in a neighboring city that is one to two hours away from you. And then you're going to flip flop every week. Yeah. To keep your profiles fresh in those cities. And in those apps, a third of my clients are getting their guys that are one to two hours away from them. Why? Because your person might not be in your city. And that's okay. That's why I love apps. We're not in school anymore where we're going to see the same people and in the same class to be able to see them. So we gotta expand our options. Understand that there's a whole entire world out there and you get to explore it. When you get tired of the apps, some people completely cut them off. And you can do that, or you can play in a fantasyland and put your profile in a whole nother country. Right. My behind. I was in Barcelona one week, Paris another week, Berlin another week, Montreal another week. And you know what happened, girl? I'm married with three children in Montreal, Canada. Au revoir. Hey, girl. So I want to spill some dating tea. Because most of the time I will tell my dating coaching clients to cut them. They call me the love umpire, girl, because every time I'm like, he's Out. He's out. He's out. There are two guys, though, that I want you to give a chance to. These are the only two guys that I want you to give a chance to. Everyone else out, honey. Okay, the first guy, the nervous guy, and I know what you all are saying. You are looking for a guy who's mad confident, has that swag about him, and you are shading the nervous guy. Stop doing that, girl. The nervous guy likes you. He really likes you. And the reason why he's nervous is because he doesn't want to eff it up. Give him a second date, girl. Because I know that when you give him a second date, he will feel more confident and he will show more of himself to you, at which point you can have a better decision about whether this guy is going to be a match for you. So that's the first guy. The second guy that I want you to actually look out for and give a chance to is the guy that doesn't make a move on you. Here's the T, girl. The guys who don't make a move on you on the first or the second date are the guys that are overly respectful of your boundaries. Those are generally the good guys. So many women out there think that, oh, he hasn't made a move on me. He doesn't like me. There must be something wrong with me. No, girl, he's overly respectful of your boundary. You want to engage in this guy and see where it goes. If you want to have more of that intimacy, the next time that you see him, give him a hug and give him a small peck on the cheek to give him the green light to let him know that kissing is okay. Why am I telling you this? These are the only two guys that I want you to give a chance to. Everyone else, if they f up, especially when it comes to emotional sensitivity or availability, they're out or respecting your boundaries. And the reason I say that is because when you are dating someone, they are showing up as the best version of themselves from the beginning. It doesn't get better than that. So if they're messing up from the beginning, cut them out immediately. I hope this helps. I feel like I don't have any red flags because I don't do anything.

Oh, hey, girl. So you're not boring. You're probably just in dating inertia. And dating inertia is all about kind of staying in your everyday of your life and not really dating and getting yourself out there. And that happened a lot, especially in the pandemic and post Pandemic, and people just kind of stayed in their pandemic ways. But, girl, it's the summer, and you get to do something different. And I want to challenge you to get out of your dating inertia. It's what I call TT1G, which is talk to one guy. So every week you should be going out and at least one event in June. I want you to go out on two events in July and three events in August every week. Okay? And in each of those events, you need to TT1G, you need to talk to one guy. And the best way to do this, three ways. You can either compliment him, you can either ask for help, or you can ask for a recommendation. Right? What's an example of this? Hey, you look really good in that shirt. Where'd you get it from? Or asking for help. Hey, let's say you're at the gym. Hey, can you help me put this rate on here? Or ask for a recommendation? Let's say you're at a bar. Hey, what would you recommend that I drink? Those are ways to initiate and what I call open the space. And this is how you're going to meet people out in real life, because I know most of you are really tired of the dating apps. And so we're going to be out here in the summer, and we're going to help you get your guy. All right, TT1G. Now, for the girls that have a little bit of social anxiety. I hear you. I feel you. I'm not going to be insensitive towards you, but one of the ways, one of the tricks that I have for y' all is to blow on your left thumb when you do that because it's connected to your vagus nervous system. It is going to help reduce that social anxiety and that internal stress so that you can start talking with as many people as possible. For the master students, for the overachiever girls, if you want to go the extra mile here, then challenge yourself to talk to one guy a day. By the end of the summer, trust me, you will probably get your guy. Hope this helps. When a guy doesn't make firm plans for a date, text this. Hey, I just wanted to confirm about this week. Would you still like to get together? Love this creator and dating coach, but don't do this.

Don't do this because it's. You're adminning these dates. You don't need to admin these dates. If this guy likes you, he will be reaching out to you and taking initiative, and he'll be making you a Priority. If he's not, it's not it. And that's okay. We get to lean into and talk to guys that are actually going to do that. Your job is not to admin. Your job is to sit back and see if he's going to show up or not. The other reason why I want to share this with you is because right now, more and more guys are not going to ask you out. Why? Because there's a recession out there and the average date costs $100. And if you're in New York, it costs you $150. So these guys that were going on two, three dates a week are going on one date a week. One date every two weeks, girl. So that also means that there's some inflation going on. Not in price, honey, because you're not for sale, you're priceless. But in terms of effort and initiative, we actually have to raise our expectations and standards when it comes to that. So if a guy's not asking you out in one week, we got to let him go. We're not going to admin him. We're going to give him a timetable, and if he can make it happen, great. If not, we got to say goodbye because we're not pen palling these men anymore. I hope this helps. Comment below and let me know how long you take traditionally to see if a guy's going to ask you out or not before you let him go. Please understand this. Never, ever, ever go see a woman where she's at. Never. I don't care if you lose her. I don't care if you lose. How you start is how you finish. Far too many times I see women with the mentality of, if he's serious, he should be calling me and I'll ask them, but did you reach out to him? And the answer is no. And some of you may say, well, Nye, why should I have to reach out? Because this is a two way street. We're trying to build something together. So a lot of male coaches have a lot to say and they're all wrong. As you can tell, many of these male coaches are making you women do more labor and more work, and you don't need to do that. If a man can't come to you on a date, make it easy for you, make it convenient for you, he's not your guy. Your future husband's gonna do that. If you're in a long distance relationship and he can't fly to you first, he's not your guy. Especially in the first four to six weeks he's not your guy. Let him go. Now for the second guy who is talking about how you need to initiate communication and conversation. Don't do that. Don't call him, don't text him. Don't initiate any dates. Don't do anything, at least until the first three dates. Why? Because, as you know, because you are a woman who's actually dating right now, most of these guys are not going to be able to do that. And when you start initiating, you're going to create a dynamic where you feel like there's more to the actual courtship than there is. You never want to court a man. A man is supposed to court you and pursue you. Most of these men are in their feminine energy anyway. And if you start initiating things, you're actually going to encourage and attract more feminized men. From my experience, I've been a dating coach for 13 years. Most of you don't want that, so we've got to do it differently.

One thing that I want to mention, because I get a lot of comments and flack, especially from men and some women out there. What does a gay man know about women dating straight men? As a dating coach that has gotten women into relationships every week for the past 13 years, I will tell you this. Me being a gay man is a strength here because I understand both the male and the female perspective, and I'm able to navigate and help my clients actually be able to go through their dating journey without the pitfalls, without with understanding both what the man is perceiving and also I can have an understanding of what they're thinking at the time. So please understand there are really great coaches out there. Some of these male coaches are not going to fully serve you in the advice that they give you, so please watch out. I hope this video helps.

The flowers don't chase the bees. The flowers just are. And the bees come. Hey, girl. I hear this quotation a lot, and it sounds good, but I actually think that it's a bit archaic. I think that was the way things were in terms of dating and relationships earlier than the 90s. I want to let you know that you're not the flower. You're actually the queen bee, which means that you're not waiting to be chosen. You're actually doing the choosing. And through your feminine energy, you are able to let these men be in their masculine energy, which is all about service. That's what healthy masculine energy is. So these men are actual worker bees. Let them work for you. Now, as this relates to your dating and love life, please Understand that you are the CEO of your love life and these men are the interns. You get to hire and fire them accordingly based on the way that they do the job. Right. So many of us are acting like the interns and we don't need to do that, girl. Okay, These men are the interns. You're the CEO. Step into your queen bee status, girl. You're the Beyonce of your beehive, girl. Please act that way. Let me know in the comments if you have been acting like a flower or like a queen bee. And if you need help learning how to get to that C level status or that queen bee status, definitely book a call with me. I'm here to help you always.

Hey, girl. My name is Anwar White. I'm a dating coach for black and brown women. And I just wanted to highlight the most difficult cities to date in for black and brown women. I've been a dating coach for 13 years, so I've helped thousands of women get their guy. But when I hear these three cities, I know it's going to take a little bit longer than your average. So in my program, most women will get their guys between months three and six. For these cities, it'll take them maybe about nine months, 12 months. So let's get into the nitty gritty. So coming in third place is la. Los Angeles is super difficult for black and brown women. A little bit easier for brown women, Latinas. But one of the things that you're going to need to know is they're still all about that Eurocentric look. There's a lot of racism, even though it's Cali. And the shade of it all is that the men of color in LA are not checking for you as much as they should, which makes dating much harder. Not to mention everything is spread out, so it's even harder to get to your person. So la, third worst place to date for a black and brown woman. Second place, Houston. H Town. Why am I saying this? Not a lot of guys that are financially independent and a lot of guys from Houston are actually coming from Atlanta and they weren't able to make it in Atlanta. And so they think that they're a 10 and they're overestimating themselves. The other thing about Houston that a lot of people don't talk about is there's a lack of what I call a love middle class. You either have bartenders or you have these, like med students and hyper engineers. And there's nothing wrong with any of those, any of those, like professions or anything like that. But med Students will never have time for you. Many engineers are socially awkward, and bartenders have really bad schedules. So sometimes it's really difficult to just find your person. Okay, so Houston's number two in first place. And I think most of you know this atl. Absolutely. When a woman comes to me and says, hey, I live in Atlanta, I know this is going to take nine months to 12 months to actually help her get her guy. And I'm going to explain why. ATL has a huge gender ratio issue. Yeah. So when it comes to, like, singles that are ready to be in a relationship, the ratio is six to one. Six women of color to one man of color. So what that means is that there's a level of thirst and desperation that's happening in that market. And. And the men know that, so they're flakier. They're treating the women much more horribly than they should, and they have no incentive to settle down, which makes ATL super, super hard to date. In some of the cities that I love that are really easy for my clients to get their guy in New York, Chicago, and dmv. Let me know your experiences. I know that being ignored causes the same chemical reaction in the brain as being physically hit. Yes, I did know that. That's what makes dating so difficult, because it feels like you're getting hit each and every time you go on an app or when you talk to a guy. And it's even more intense. For women of color, I think roughly the latest percentage is that 25% of women are experiencing ghosting each and every time that they actually engage. For women of color, that's going to be double that, around 50% or a bit more, depending on who you are, age, size, whatever it may be. I know that ultimately it hurts and it might trigger some abandonment wounds as well if you had someone that was emotionally or physically absent in your lived experience. What's important when this happens is to reframe, and I want to give you some reframes that I think might be helpful as you navigate your love journey. 1, 80% of the guys out there are not ready to be in a relationship. Ghosting will actually share with you and let you know that they aren't. 2, 97% of the guys that you are going to meet while you're dating, you will not even get past a third date with. Please understand this as you navigate dating, that ultimately most guys are not going to be the one. And ghosting is going to give you really clear indication that he's not ready and that he's not the one. Please understand when they ghost, it's not about you, it's about him. I hope this helps and if you need any more help, follow comment below or book a consultation. Call with me if you want to work with me. Men aren't obsessed with women anymore and it's weird. Yeah, this is not weird at all. The reason why you have so many men that are focused on themselves and not women is because there's so much divorce happening, especially in the 80s and the 90s that a lot of these men are used to women, their mothers self sacrificing and not having a lot of masculine love in their lives as they were growing up. How you need to navigate that in your dating life, since I'm a dating coach for smart and successful black and brown women is to actually not do anything. I don't want you to call him, initiate any text messages. I want you to have him do everything for you and nothing for him. Yeah, that is how you are going to evaluate and actually filter out these guys. It sucks in your dating life because it's going to take you longer to find your guy. But please be patient and know that you're going to have to have a hundred conversations to find your guy. So when you come to me and you say it is impossible, get the hundred conversation first and what's something you wish you would have said?

I knew I was gonna cry that I lost my mind trying to figure out yours. This is one of the most profound things that I've heard in a very long time and that's hard to do on TikTok as we all know.

So many women trying to figure out what men are thinking and it is such a very dangerous road to do that. The thing that I want to offer to you if you're in a relationship and you find yourself in this situation is to I don't want you to try to figure out the why, why he does that, why he says that, why he acts in that way. I want you to respect the what's what he is doing and how it makes you feel. Yeah. Because ultimately that's the only thing that matters. That's why you'll never hear me talk about red flags. Because red flags actually center him and center something that's outside of yourself instead of what you're feeling inside. As a dating coach for 13 years, I have helped thousands of women and one of the things that I think is very important is our red flags are based on our lived experiences and our trauma and every woman has a different set of them. There are some women that like, would prefer to not hear from their guys most of the week because they're so busy and then date them on the weekends. Whereas there are some women that if they don't hear from their guy in a day, it's a red flag and he's out based on lived experience and trauma. So I want to offer to you that it doesn't matter why he's doing something and it's not your job to figure it out. Your job is to figure out what's happening inside of you and move accordingly. If you need help doing that and getting in touch with how you're feeling at all times, definitely book a call. But otherwise comment below and let me know. Have you been stuck in a situation where you've had to try to or you tried to figure out what was going on with him and you lost yourself? I think we've all been in that situation. Hey girl. So I want to talk to you about something that actually isn't talked about a lot here on TikTok as it pertains to dating. I've scrolled through all the dating coaches. They're not talking about any of this. But I know that when you have this information, it's going to change the way that you actually think about dating and that is that I want you to focus on the BDB and BDB stands for between Date behavior. So many of us are actually focused on the actual date girl. And I know this sounds really crazy. As a dating coach, I don't care about the date. I actually care more about the bdb. The reason why I'm focused on BDB is because when you are in a relationship with him, 90% of the time you will not be with him. So your relationship, the majority of it will be focused on how he treats you when you all are not in physical contact with his other or interacting with each other in real life. Yeah, I don't want you to be in a situation like Mr. Big and Carrie from Sex in the City because when you're focused on the amazing time that you're having with him versus how he treats you in between time you get in crumb situations or situationships and I don't want that for you. So please comment below, let me know if this is helpful for you and please just comment and share and like this because I think TikTok has been shadow banding me and girl, I need help with that. So help a sister out. I hope this helps. Hey girl, if you're ever confused in dating I have the simplest but most profound advice to give to you. I want you to ask yourself this. Would my future husband do this? And if the answer is no, leave. Hey, girl, do you want to know the top five destinations if you are a black woman, dating and single, where you can find your future boyfriend and future husband? Well, keep on listening if you want to figure it out. Okay, so I know y' all are trying to still go to the Caribbean and get your groove back like Stella, honey, but that's played out. That's old. Just like the 90s, sweetie. So we are going to level you up here. You came to my page because I give you the AP, not the 101 when it comes to dating. So I'm going to give you the top five places and destinations where you can find your future husband. These places adore black women. Okay? Okay. Number five, Egypt. Honey, Egypt is coming for you. Egypt loves you. They want all of you. Okay, I have a tie for number three. And number four, Croatia and Serbia. Honey, I know you barely know where they are on the map. Girl, me too. But, sweetie, when I tell you, if you go to that country, they will be running after you. They love you there. Number two, Italy. Honey, you already know, but not all of Italy. Rome specifically. And anything south of Rome, girl, the north is giving something else and you don't want that. Okay? And my number one place that I want you to be coming for is Turkey. Honey, these Turkish men, they want you. They can't handle you. They want. They can't. They want as much as they can. Grow up. I don't even know how to explain it. Like, they are literally, it is like catnip. They can't do anything. But if you're walking down the street and maybe you've seen that girl on TikTok who's been viral walking down the street, and all of these men are doing things for her. She gets everything free. Girl, Turkey is the number one place you're going to go. And if you want to visit Turkey with me, a top dating coach, we are going to be going this year in 2023. So check the link in my bio to sign up for that and let me know what countries you've had the most amazing time in as a black woman and what countries you've not liked. I can't wait to read your comments. Hey, girl, I don't know who needs to hear this, but we only obsess over the people that didn't make us feel safe. It's our sense of trying to get control back. So realize that it's a trauma response and that you need to stay away from the person that you're actually obsessed with. Hello my loves. I hope those videos were helpful, I thought. I hope you got some nuggets from those videos, some gems, and I want you to rock out your dating life this summer. Be out in these streets, Be smart, kill it, talk your ish, and most importantly, have fun in dating. All right, my loves, Be well. Talk soon. Bye.

Hey girl. Thank you so much for listening to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com. apply or subscribe and leave me a review. Wherever you listen to your podcasts, talk soon.