2023 Year-End Viral Tiktok Compilation

Hey girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? Alright, let's go.

Hello my loves and welcome to the get your Guy coaching podcast. This is a special podcast. I am going to just give you a compilation of some of my more viral TikTok clips that have finished the 2023 year. I want to wish you all a Happy New Year. 2024 is going to be amazing. I want you all to lean into your love lives. My word. My phrase for this year is make it fun. I hope that you have a word or phrase for 2024 also allow you to be the totality of who you are. And with that said, I just want you to have a good time as you listen to some of these takes, these clips and maybe we learn a little bit more about our dating lives. Love, love, love, love, love to you all. Hey girl. My name is Anwar White. I'm a dating coach for women of color, specifically black women. And I wanted to actually talk to you a little bit about the best and worst dating apps in 2023 for Black women, specifically, because it changes.

Example in the pandemic, Hinge was killing it. Now, Hinge is not anywhere where it needs to be. So I want to go through the apps, the worst ones and the best ones and we'll go from there. So the worst ones don't be on Tinder, girl. That's for 25 and younger. And if you want to be, you want to hook up, you want to be objectified, go on Tinder. But many of you don't want that eharmony. Don't do it. It is racism clothed in a crucifix. Girl, don't do it. Plenty of fish. That is for the catfish of the world, literally and figuratively. The bottom feeders as well as they will catfish you on there. Be o Don't do it. BOK has a lot of those guys that are, you know, those cousins that you don't really talk about or talk to. They're on blk. So you don't want to go in there. What else? Raya and the League, super elitist, super racist. They're not checking for you if you're a black girl. No shade. What Else I'm trying to Facebook dating. Don't do that. The men on Facebook dating are not intentional. They're not really looking to date. Now for the actual apps that I like, I love Match, especially if you're 35 and over. I love OkCupid and it's especially good good if you are an intellectual snob and a little quirky or nerdy. And then I love coffee meets bagel. Now these three are really great, but it also means that you have to open up and date everyone, black and non black men. The two dating apps that are city specific are Hinge and Bumble. I didn't really love Bumble before, but in 2023 a lot of people have been on Bumble. So I like Bumble for certain cities. Seattle, San Francisco, Bay area, Austin, New York. Because a lot of the tech guys are there, the engineers, and they need a little bit of a nudge. So if you want an engineer or an accountant, they'll be on Bumble. I like Hinge, but I only like Hinge on certain cities. Like I call them cities. No shade to people that live in cities. Indianapolis, Milwaukee. Right. Some of those smaller cities. Hinge is really good on those specific cities. Now here's the thing. I love apps because you get to talk to thousands of people with your fingertips. But it's not about the apps. Dating is about the woman that you become. And that's the work. When it comes to actually doing this work, it's just a medium. And that's why my clients do so well. Because not only are we getting on the best apps, but we're also doing the inner work to make sure that they're getting into the best relationship of their life. And that's why 85% of my clients get into the best relationship of their lives in my six month program. So if you're interested in that, definitely book a call, but otherwise, keep it cute. What is your most radical belief? I'll go first. No, girl, I'll go first. What I think is going to be happening in about 20 years is that most men will have AI girlfriends. And you see that now by the way that they interact with only hands. They actually, and there's been research on this, that they respect and love the fact that there's personalization. So in the future, men will have AI girlfriends and women will end up settling like the golden girls did in pods of 2, 3, 4, and live together forever. And if you don't believe me, ask yourself this. Have you ever talked to your girlfriend and said, hey girl, why don't we just live together forever? I'm sure most of us have. Hope this helps. Oh, by the way, I'm a dating coach. Been a dating coach for 13 years, and I'm slowly seeing this more and more. Do you want to know what age ranges you should be dating with? Well, I always say plus 10 years and minus 5 years. Now, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Anwar White. I'm a dating coach for black and brown women, and I've been doing this for 13 years. But I want to talk about an actual trend that I've been seeing in dating, and this is around women of color actually dating younger men. Most of the time, what I've seen is that most women have been focused on looking for men that are older, thinking that they're going to be more emotionally available and more communicative. I'm not seeing that. In the last six to 12 months, most 80, 90% of my clients have been getting with younger men that are three to six years younger than them. And as you can see, some of these stars have been doing the same thing. Why is this happening? Well, recent studies have shown that 90% of younger men are open to dating women that are 10 years older than they are. So that's great news. Why does this pairing work? It works because these younger men are going to adore you. They're going to put you on a pedestal. They're going to be more open to understanding who you are as a woman and respecting and honoring that, versus trying to control you, which sometimes happen for older men. The other thing that I think is important for women of color is so many times women that I talk to say, I don't want to be with a younger man because I don't want people thinking that I'm his mother. Girl, y' all know that black and brown don't crack. Y' all probably gonna look the same anyway, so don't worry about that. And let me know in the comments if you've seen this. If you want to get with the young buck, honey, book a call with me. I'm gonna help y' all get your guy. And not in a cougar way, but in a legit, long standing, healthy relationship way. I hope this helps. Hey, girl, I don't know who needs to hear this, but men don't run away from women. They actually run away from the parts of themselves that they need to fix to actually deserve those women. There's a difference. It's not about you. It never was about you, it's about them. Hey girl, do you want to know the top professions that women have who have the most difficulty finding love? Well, girl, I'm going to give it to you. My name is Anwar White. I'm a dating coach for black and brown women. And I want to let you know I've been doing this work for 13 years. Roughly two thirds of my clients have these nurses, teachers, doctors, therapists, social workers, hairdressers, flight attendants. And you know why? These professions are nurturing professions. These professions are focused on centering other people. Oh, I also forgot HR and DEI professionals. These professions are focused on centering another person and that's what happens and translates into your dating life. So you will make the man number one and center him. And what happens is that you will be a second class citizen in your own relationship. These are also giving, or as I like to call them, over giving professions. And also when you're in a profession like that, you're used to giving, giving, giving, giving and actually not receiving. And men that are in their healthy masculine energy will want to give to you, which means that you need to to learn how to receive if you are in the habit of giving and over giving. Giving is a masculine, energetic trait. So giving is providing, which means that you are going to be in your masculine energy and that is going to turn off a lot of masculine, energetic men. And this is why it is so hard to be in those professions based on your personality and how you engage with other people. Now it doesn't mean that you're a lost cost or anything, girl. It just means that we have work to do to break certain patterns so that you can be in the best relationship of your life. If you want to learn how to do this, book a call. I would love to help you. All right, be well. Hey girl, if you are someone who goes with the flow in dating, then I'm going to need you to listen up to me because one, we're going to need to stop that with the quickness because girl, you go with the flow, you're going to drown Titanic realness. And two, you get to control your love life. You are the CEO of your love life and these men are the interns and we need to start acting like it. We are not here for the ride. We're here to control the pain, pace and the emotional depth of your relationships. Now for those of you that don't know me, my name is Amber White. I am a dating coach for black and brown women and I'm here to help you date Differently for a different result. Now let's talk about why you might be going with the flow in dating. Well, if you're like many women, you are raised to be a daughter and not a woman. What do I mean by that? I mean that you're raised to obey, to listen and follow directions, and to not speak out or speak up. And this is especially true if you're a black or brown woman because we're not raised with any boundaries. We can't even say no to our parents. Why is this important? Because that's what you're going to do in your relationship, girl. You have to date differently. So what does this mean? I'm going to give you some tea on some timelines that I want you to implement in your dating life so that you don't go with the flow, that you set the pace of your relationships. All right, let's get into it now. If a guy's not asking you out within one week of the app, or when you exchange numbers, drop him. If within two to three months you are not exclusive with a guy or you bring it up and he's not ready, drop him in two years. If you are not married or engaged, probability tells me, because the probability of you actually getting married to a guy after two years goes from 50% to 17% that he's not ready, you probably need to drop him or at least seriously consider it. I'm giving you all of this tea so that you know how to manage your love life instead of letting it manage you. Because at the end of the day it's 2023 and you have full control of your love life. I hope this helps you as you navigate your dating life because I know these streets can be really tricky, but I want to make sure that you feel empowered in your in your dating life. I hope. In the comments, let me know, are you a girl that goes with the flow or do you have your own timelines? Hey, girl. My name is Ann Mar White. I'm a dating coach for black and brown women. And I wanted to come on here and talk a little bit about what hinders the Christian woman from finding the love of their life. Now, I know that this is a lot of out conditioning and I want to go over some of the things that I hear from so many of my Christian clients so that you can do things differently to get the man of your dreams and to get the love that you so deserve. So one of the first things that I know is that y' all are not taught how to date. The focus is on marriage. And so there's a big knowledge gap as it pertains to being a single woman and being a married woman. And so that's what I do as a dating coach. The second thing that I know is that you're hyper focused on forgiveness. So you're giving these guys too many chances because you're all about forgiveness, girl. No more chances for these guys. The third thing that I want to share with you is that you're all about your charity, which I love that for you. But honey, we can't be feeding and housing and clothing the poor. The man is not self actualized. We got to let him go. The fourth thing that I want to share with you is that we are so focused on making sure that we are the good girl that oftentimes we don't explore the totality of ourselves. So we engage with bad boys so that we can engage in the other parts of ourselves. But we got to actually start to learn and know ourselves so that we can do it differently. The fifth thing that I know that really hinders Christian women is that ultimately they are conditioned to serve men, which means that they are hyper focused on a man's needs and less focused on their own needs. That is attracting the toxic and narcissistic guys, which is so scary and a dangerous situation in love. The sixth thing that I know is that oftentimes when guys come around they will think, God has sent this man to me, he is the love of my life. And nine times out of ten this man is a lesson. He is not a love and we have to understand that and know that. The seventh thing that I also know is that oftentimes Christian women will wait thinking that God will deliver him to her instead of creating her love life. What do they say? Faith without works. The eighth thing that I know about Christian women and dating is that oftentimes they will be blind because they're hyper focused on getting with a Christian man. That if a guy says that he's Christian they will actually be blind to some of the things that are red flags. Whether the guy is an asshole, whether he is toxic, whether he is gay. If he's Christian, he will check a box and you might actually ignore some of the red flags that are happening. I hope this list helps you as you understand why it's hard for you to date and get into amazing relationships as a Christian woman. I'm not saying it's impossible. What I am saying is that there are different things that you are going to have to do to break patterns and if you want to learn how to do that, book a call with me. But I want to know in the comments. Let me know. Do any of these resonate with you? This was my prayer to you, Lord. Use me as a vessel. Amen.

Hey girl. So I saw this video on TikTok and I was like, oh, my gosh, this is exactly what so many women are experiencing while they're dating. But especially the last sentence, which was all about being extremely picky but still managing to pick the wrong ones. And I wanted to highlight how your pickiness is actually hurting you in dating. So I asked many women, how many profiles do you like or you swipe on when you are online dating? And most women will say maybe 1 out of 20. Sometimes some women will say 1 out of 50, and that is killing your dating. And I'll tell you why. If you are only swiping or liking on very few people, the guys that you do like, you will grasp onto them because you have the scarcity mindset, because you know that not a lot of people are going to come that fit your wants or your criteria. So even if this guy is not good, he doesn't have, he's not a good boyfriend or doesn't have the boyfriend skills. You're going to continue to rock with him because he looks good on paper and he aligns with what you think you're supposed to be with. As a dating coach who gets women into relationships every week, I want to let you know that 95% of the time, it's not going to look like the way that you want it to look like, but you are swiping as if it is going to. And that's what hurts you and your pickiness. Here's the thing. Most women date first, they're trying to figure out are we a match or not, right? And then they are evaluating whether the guy has the boyfriend skills. In my program, we do it differently. We evaluate whether they have the boyfriend skills first, and then we figure out if it's a match later. Again, because if you are connected to him and you have vibes, you're gonna think he's a great guy. But then a month, two down the road, you realize he doesn't have the boyfriend skills, but you're too late in the game to get out of it because you are sprung and you got feelings for him instead. I want us to do it differently. And I want us to do it differently to protect your heart. But also I want you to realize that dating, especially online dating, is not personal.

Finding the Guy is not the romantic part. Getting to know the guy once you realize that he has the skills to be a great boyfriend and partner, that's the romantic part. So if you are hyper focusing and swiping on the guys that you think are a match or aligns with your idealized version of who you're going to be and your pickiness, it's going to hurt you girl. So let me know in the comments how many guys do you swipe on when you are going through 20 profiles? And if you want more help with this, please book a call with me. I would love to help you learn how to date differently for a different result.

Hey girl, so as a dating coach for 13 years, one of the major questions that I ask many of my clients or potential clients is what are you looking for? And the majority of the time the first thing that they say is an ambitious man. And I want to let you know, girl, you don't want an ambitious man. Trust me. And the reason I say this is because two things. One, an ambitious man is going to be working all the time and he's not going to have time for you. And two, the priority of how he thinks about his life is different than maybe how you think about your life. Being an ambitious woman. If you are an ambitious woman, he will make his ambitions number one, he will make himself number two and he will make you or his mama number three or bronze medalist. And I don't think that you should be a bronze medalist in your own relationship, girl. That doesn't make any sense to me. Now I want you to be looking for a man that has a growth mindset. And the difference between being ambitious and having a growth mindset is that being ambitious is all about the external motivation and having a growth mindset is more about the internal or the intrinsic motivation that's happening inside. And the best way to figure out if a guy has a growth mindset is two things. One how he responds to criticism, right? AKA your boundaries or feedback and two how he reacts to your successes. An ambitious man is not going to be happy for you because it's going to take away from his shine. A man with growth mindset is going to be inspired by that and support you. Huge differences between ambitious men and men with growth mindsets. Stop going for the ambitious men and if you've dated them before, let me know your experiences in the comments. And if you want more help with vetting men, book a call with me. I'd love to help you. In this society, you have people who believe that an alpha male is a male who can dog and control women. That's. That's a weak. Alpha men are alpha men based on how they handle other men, not how they handle women. I want to let you know that I want you to stop dating alpha guys. That is not the goal. That is not the flex ladies, and I'm going to tell you why. Alpha men think that they are the prize. And when they want to lead you, it ultimately means that you will have to follow them or chase them while you are with them. As she was saying before, a man that is alpha is an alpha for other men. So if you're with an alpha man, he's going to treat you like one of his men, right, one of his mafiosos, and try to control you. I want you to be with a man that is in his true masculinity, which is very different. I actually call true masculine men alphabets because it's a bit alpha, it's a bit beta, but it's the best of both. So you want to get with Alphabet men. That's what I want for you. And what does that look like? Well, the difference between an alpha guy and an Alphabet guy is like when you're getting to know him during dating, an alpha guy will just call you. An Alphabet guy will actually ask you if you're available and then call you. An alpha guy will just set up a date. And that might sound really good and really great, but an Alphabet guy will ask you, is this a place you want to go to? And get your sign off before actually making the reservations and setting up all the logistics. When you have an opinion, an alpha guy will shut it down because it's not his. An Alphabet guy will seek to understand when you see guys out and about, whether it's on vacation or in a restaurant. The alpha guy will be the guy that is loud and fun and charismatic and probably the center of attention. The Alphabet guy. He's the guy that's organized the trip or organized the time in which these people are going out for dinner. Another thing that I want to offer to you because this is really important, because alphas are hunters. Alphabet guys are providers. Meaning, and many of you all maybe enduring a holiday like Thanksgiving or Christmas, you might have grown up in households where.

All of the women are cooking all day long and the men are not doing anything. Those are alpha guys.

Alphabet guys not only provide the money for the food, but will also help with cooking. So he'll be out on the grill barbecuing or working with the Meat or doing whatever. That's the difference between an alpha guy and an Alphabet guy. I want you to get with the Alphabet guy. So what am I saying here, ladies? I'm saying here that ultimately I don't want you to get with a Will Smith. I want you to get with a Jazzy Jeff. I know that sounds really weird because so many of us have been conditioned to go for the Will Smiths, but I want you to do it differently. If you want to learn how to do this a little bit more, definitely book a call with me. But let me know in the comments. Have you always gone for alpha guys? Hey, girl. My name is Anmar White. I am a dating coach and I wanted to come on here and talk a little bit about dating luggage. Now, I have been around the world to naiai and I have personally done the research to let you know who has the luggage that is oversized, that is checked, that is carry on, and that is personal items. So we're going to start with the oversized. Now these are the. That's. This is the luggage. This is the baggage that will hit your walls and hit your guts. I don't know how else to say it without getting banned. Okay, Colombian, Brazilian. Yes. In terms of Europe, Dutch, Italian, French, obviously US black. And then Caribbean, Haitian, Jamaican, Dominican and Cuban, also short kings, skinny, tall boys and nerds. Do not sleep on them. All right, so those are the guys that are oversized. So please know they pack in lots of luggage, honey. All right, girls, so I want to talk about the checked luggage now. Now this is North America, Canada, Mexico, US, Nordic countries, Nigeria, Japanese, Israeli and Indian. They're all Czech luggage. What does this mean? It means that he's not hitting the walls, but he's knocking on the door. Okay.

Now this is my list for carry ons. And it's a little bit disappointing because we love the Greeks, we love the Russians, the Irish and the English. We love them. Middle Eastern are also great, but they're only giving carry on luggage. What does this mean? Girl? He's not even knocking on the door. He's saying, standing outside, patiently wanting to come in. So it's a they. But guess what? They compensate in other ways, right? We love that about them, girl. And then finally, our personal items. This is like, you know, fanny pack, girl. This is like sadness galore. It breaks my heart to have to tell you that the Samoans, the Turkish and the East Asian men, you already knew about the East Asian men. So I don't have to even go into that. But girl, the Samoans Are the description disappointment of the century. So super sad to tell you about this. If you didn't know, now you know, girl, I have some other categories as well. So I talked to my girls on a live last night and we came to the conclusion that some of the more kinkier luggage, the weird shape and all of that, Japanese, white, Nigerian.

Jamaican, and obviously Haitian, those are the kinkiest ones. And then the ones that get lost, the luggage that gets lost all the time, that doesn't hit.

I heard that sometimes it is so the US Blacks, but also the other people that really aren't hitting in terms of professions. Doctors and gym bros. Yeah. Let me know what your experience has been. Who do you know that's oversized? Who do you know that's a personal item and who do you know that doesn't hit? I want to know in the comments, so let me know, girls.

Also, please don't send this to men. They're literally always coming for me because they hate the dating advice that I give women because it empowers them. So, girl, I don't need more men trying to come for me. So let's keep it between the girls, okay? Hey, girl. My name is Anwar White. I'm a dating coach for black and brown women. And I wanted to come on here and talk a little bit about what are the top places for you to find love abroad if you're a black woman. Now, you all know that America does not give what it's supposed to give when it comes to adoring black women. So sometimes you got to go somewhere else to get the love that you want to need. And I'm going to give you the tea so that you know exactly where to go. And, girl, I broke it down into regions, so depending on where you're traveling to, you can find a spot for you. Okay, so I'll start in the Americas, right, so we don't have to fly too far from home, girl. Montreal, Canada, where I am right now. Bonjour. Get your life there, girl. I also want you to get your life in Colombia, Cartagena and Medellin as well as Mexico. Now, specifically Merida. Now that is in the Yucatan. And girl, they're living for you there. So in the Americas, those are the places that I want you to go to find your next husband. Okay? Now in terms of northern Europe, I want you to go to Berlin, Germany, I want you to go to Amsterdam, as well as Rotterdam, Netherlands, and then Dublin, Ireland. Those are what I want you to be going to if you want to go to northern Europe. Now, if you want to be in kind of the Mediterranean girl, and this is where so many of my clients like to go. I actually have what I call my Adore tours. These are the places where you want to get your future husband, honey, because they are adoring you, they love you, they live for you. You are a goddess. And I wish that the entire world treated you like this, especially America. But most of the time, they don't come to these places if you want to feel like the goddess that you are. Rome, Italy, Istanbul, Turkey, all of Croatia, also Greece, Santorini, Mykonos, and then also parts of Athens. Now, like I was saying before, my company, we do Adore tours every couple of months where we go to some of those Mediterranean places so you can feel like the black goddess that you are. If you want to learn how to do do that, definitely click the link in my bio and sign up for the list and we'll let you know the next. The next tour. I think we're going to Rome in a couple of months. I hope this helps. Let me know your experiences in those places. And girl, let's get our life. Let's get our husbands in America. Or not.

Hey, girl. This is totally true. Guys that send you a morning text, it doesn't mean anything. And they're sending at least five to eight other women the same morning text. And I know that so many of us are like, it means that he's thinking about me, and I'm the first thing that he thinks about when he wakes up. It's not. He's checking a box. The way that I want you to think about this is I want you to prioritize two things. One, if he reaches out to you after work, because that means that that is, you are the first person that he wants to talk to about his day. And two, if he's calling you every night. As a dating coach that has been doing this work for 13 years, I know that a woman is about to get into an amazing relationship when the guide is calling her every evening. So moving forward, I want you to think about these good morning texts, like the spam that you get from Victoria's Secret, Bath and Body Works, Ulta Sephora. And think of these messages as a 20% off of your next purchase. It doesn't mean anything. And girls, just put it in the spam. All right, I hope this helps. Also, don't get mad at these guys for what I call batching communication. Learn from them. So many women are telling me, oh, I can't Deal with talking to two or three or five guys. No, girl, do what these guys are doing. Talk to the guys at the same time every three to four hours. Message them all at the same time so that you don't get overwhelmed. Because you're supposed to be dating as many people as possible and seeing who wins. But you got to learn how to manage them. And this is a great way to manage them by batching communication. Men date from zero and girls date from 100. Hey, girl, this is totally correct. And it's all based on hormones. Let me spill some tea for you that you might not know. So what happens when you're getting to know a guy and let's say you're chatting with him on an app or you're texting with him, Your oxytocin will increase and you will already feel bonded to this guy. So when you get to first date, you're already. And let me know if you've been this girl, because I know I've been this girl on the first date. You are thinking about how y' all are going to look in the wedding pictures, what your kids are going to look like, all of that. Whereas he is starting from zero. He doesn't even really kind of like you yet. No shade. So there's a huge disconnect here. And so we get. Sometimes we get butthurt because we expect him to have the same level of commitment and expectation and feelings when that's not necessarily the case. So this is what I want you to do to temper your expectations. I don't want you to even like this guy until you get to a third date, because I know that 97% of the guys that you actually go out with will never get to a past third date. Secondly, please know that he's not even thinking about exclusivity until between dates 6 and 8, physical dates 6 through 8. So I don't want you to even think about that until you get there, okay? Secondly, when we are having sex and we're intimate again, women are at 100. Once you get that big O, girl, you are going to be chemically bonded to this guy. That's why I always say it's safest to not get intimate until you're in an excuse exclusive relationship. Whereas when a guy is intimate with you, his vasopressin will actually decrease and he will feel, like, disconnected and less bonded to you. So he's not even at a zero. He's at a negative when you all are intimate. So men and women are very different. And if you Want to learn how to not just get your guy but like get him and understand men? Definitely book a call with me because I can definitely help you with that. And let me know in the comments. Have you experienced wanting to marry a guy on the first date? I hope this helps. Hey girl, I want to just let you know that I am on location, I'm on assignment. Don't ever say that I did not do anything for you as your favorite dating coach. I am in the AMEX lounge, the airport lounge here at laguardia and the men are minning. I've been here. So girls always ask me how do I meet guys offline, like where do I need to go? Well first there's not like a room where every man is. But I will tell you that you want to focus on places that have an invisible velvet rope that not everybody can get into. Cuz some of the ladies are giving life to these men at Walmart, at gas stations, at the mall. You don't want to do that, girl. That is free entrance for all and you are not that, girl. You are for the few, you are not for the many. So if the guys come coming up to you in those places, just give them a oh no, I don't have any change. And keep him pushing girl, because we don't have any time for that. I want you to be in curated spaces. I want you to be at airport lounge and hotel lounges alone. I want you to be at sporting events with your girls. I want you to be at a bookstore coffee shop alone. I want you to be volunteering alone. I want you to be literally doing the things that you love, making sure that there are guys there. Ultimately you want to do the things that really empower you and lighten you up because then you will be radiating joy and happiness and be at your best self and that will be a magnet for so many different people out there. So I hope this helps as you navigate your dating life. Girl, get outside and get to these curated spaces. Don't try to talk to guys in the wild because the men that are out in the wild trying to pick you up at the mall, at the gas stations are wild. Walmart is wild. Those guys, it's a game for them. They are literally just picking up as many women as possible to see how many they can. They're getting seven or eight numbers every day and then by the end of the week they have 50 numbers and they're just going down the line and seeing who's going to sleep with them. Girl, that's not you again. You are for the few and not the many. So you need to be in spaces that are for the few and not the many. Let me give you some more tea. Like organizational events, like if you're in the fraternity, sorority situation, you can go to those sorts of events. Yeah. Okay, girl, I have to get to my flight, but I hope that this was helpful.

Hey, girl. My name is Ammar Wide. I've been a dating coach for 13 years, specifically for black and brown women. But there's so many plus sized women that come to me and they're like, boy, put me on. I need to know how to get my life in these dating streets. And I would say about a third of my clients are curvier or plus size. And I get great results with them because I am always in the mode and in the opinion that we gotta be checking for people that are checking for us, whether you're a woman of color, whether you're trans, whether you are dark skinned, whether you are plus size. And so I want to actually highlight the top five kinds of guys that are checking for curvier or plus sized women so that we can be more focused and strategic in this dating game. All right, ladies, so let's get started. So number five, girl, the Jim Bros. I'm not talking about guys that are just like kind of in shape. I'm talking about the stocked guys, right? Muscle, muscle, muscle, muscle. Why? Girl? I don't know. I think that they like, they want to do a few sets when they're at home. Or what I hear, and the research says is they like the dichotomy and the contrast of more cushion. And maybe they're super hard here, but you have to be aware of they got some small Ds, so you want to be aware of that. So when you're in the gym, girl, flirt with the biggest of the big because they're going to probably be checking for you. Okay, number four, black eyes. Now, I'm not going to go into a lot of depth here because it could get really racialized and I don't want to get canceled. But black guys are checking for you. Point blank period. Okay, number three, guys that are 20 years plus older than you. Older guys love bigger, curvier women. I think that they're really looking for the totality of a woman and.

They'Re just really into the beauty of a curvy woman. I don't know what else to say.

So they're probably checking for you. And you probably know this already. So I'm probably Not telling you anything that you already don't know. Number two are guys that are half the size of you. Now, I don't know if it's opposites attract. I know that oftentimes when you aren't quote unquote, traditionally the size that society tells you that you're supposed to be, whether it's a shorter or smaller guy or a bigger woman, that these guys are coming towards you because.

They are more accepting and in turn want to be accepted, but are also looking at you as an individual and not just as an object, but the number one guy that I want you to be checking for. Like this is. When I hear that my curvier clients are talking to these kinds of guys, I know that they have a high chance of connecting with them and potentially getting into a relationship with them. Tall, skinny or lanky gamers, girl, that is your lane. I want you to know that if you got one of those guys, girl, it's game over. So what does that mean? Girl, you need to be at the Renaissance Fairs, you need to be at GameStop. Girl, you need to be at Comic Con and you need to be online on Twitch. Girl, gaming with these mofos. I know that when that happens, you're going to be in good shape. Yeah. So I hope this is helpful for you. There are also other guys that are checking for you, but those are guys that you want to avoid. Jamaicans. Enough said. Married men. Enough said. Guys that hyper focus on just plus sized women. They're 80% of the time they're fetishizing you. And also military guys, which you already know. So also I just want to let you know and you probably know this, don't get with plus sized guys. They are going to project their internalized like that phobia onto you and it's not going to be a great solution. I hope that this list was helpful. If y' all want to work with me, definitely book a consultation call, but let me know in the comments. What has your experience been in terms of navigating dating life and who have been the guys that have been checking for you? You should do a background check and a deep social media dive on a man before you date him and take him serious. I agree 100%. Now I'm not super familiar with the websites that she has, but there are certain number of websites that I think are really important as you are navigating and keeping yourself safe while you are dating. Now some women will do this before they actually go out on a physical date on the first date or Some women will do this around the third date based on your comfort and your level of security that you feel is important for you. So, number one, you probably want to have a Google voice number when you are texting or calling at the very beginning, just for security reasons, because we don't want somebody to get a number and try to blow it up and have complete access to you. That's number one. And then there are certain things that I like to look up, certain places I like to go. When my clients come to me as a dating coach and say, oh, I'm going to be going out with this guy, I'm like, okay, give me his name, his location, his age, and we go, here we go, right? So the county of clerks is one place where you get to get an understanding of what this dude is doing, where he is in the system, if anything. Obviously the sexual offender list, that is also something that is really important to check into. And then the Department of Corrections in your city, town or county, right? If you go through all three of those, and these things don't cost any money, if you go through all three of those, you're going to be in good shape and you're going to know who you're messing with, who you're dealing with. Let me know if you've heard of these. If you do this while you're dating, I want to keep you all safe out here as well. We navigate these dating streets that can oftentimes feel like a jumbo. Hope this helps. Men like toxic women. They get bored of the nice women and they go look for the toxic women. Hey, girl. So she's partly right. She's right. Like, nice girls are boring when it comes to dating. But you don't have to be toxic to get your guy. You actually can be kind. Here's the thing. Men don't like toxic women. They like just like you don't like. Our job is to get out of that, like, nice girl Persona, which many of you all have been raised to be. If you're a church girl, if you're a woman of color, if you are a smart girl, that is probably how you've been raised. And like, my job as a dating coach is to help women kind of get out of that mentality and get into their kind girl era. So I think of nice girls in one category and kind girls in another. Nice girls, I call that daughter energy and I also call that intern energy, where you're always trying to prove yourself for your parents love or to get the job right. Nice girls act Based on other people's expectations. Kind women and kind girls focus on acting based on how they're feeling. Nice girls have poor boundaries. Kind girls have very healthy boundaries. Nice girls really are people pleasing and kind girls please themselves. Why is this important? It's important because men are attracted and bond based on their vasopressin levels. And that is the stress hormone, right? And so girl, we gotta stress these guys out. How do we do that? By being kind. If you are focused on your feelings, he's gonna have to manage your feelings. If you are focused on, you have clear boundaries, he's gonna be stressed out trying to figure out where your boundaries are and stay within them. If you are focused on pleasing yourself and not him, he is also gonna be stressed and making sure that you are pleased as well. All of those things are going to bond him more and more and more to you. So if you found yourself being the nice girl, but chronically single, no shade girl, it's part of this. If you want to learn how to be more kind in your dating life versus being the nice girl, definitely book a call and let me know if this has helped. And I want to let you all know that biracial and lighter skinned men are often dangerous. I was having a live last night and I was telling the ladies in the live about how we need to put lighter skinned men or biracial men in the same category that we put. Doctors, surgeons, pilots, military, police, firemen. They have God complexes. And the reason why that is the case is because they have a variety of different privileges. Pretty privilege in the black community, white privilege in the black community and male privilege. Secondly, their mothers, especially if their mothers are white, will enmesh them. They will raise them to, to be entitled where everyone is doing things for them so they don't have to work on themselves. That's number two. Number three. And this is really important because a lot of people don't understand this or think about this. Biracial or lighter skinned men have the entitlement of a white man, but the trauma of a black man. So oftentimes what will happen is that will create narcissism. And it's very dangerous because that narcissism will translate or play itself out in domestic abuse or violence as well as emotional abuse. Super important. I mean, I want you to think about the Chris Browns, I want you to think about the Will Smiths, I want you to think about the Drakes of the world. I mean there are many others. Jesse Williams, please let me know what your experience has been with light skinned men in the comments. If you think that what I'm saying is in line or not. As a dating coach for black and brown women specifically, what I think is really important to counterbalance and to evaluate whether these men are actually in their narcissistic nature or not is to actually have very, very strong, healthy boundaries. What does this look like in dating? It looks like only having scheduled calls for the first half of the courtship because narcissistic men will want to do things on their timeline and based on their convenience. And if you focus the dating and the courtship on your convenience, they won't know what to do with it and they will act a fool. Yeah. Now obviously you want to be totally observant of. If they're doing anything, that's love bombing. If they're giving you pet names early, that's toxic. If they are future pacing, meaning like they're telling you on a first or second date that they want to take you to Paris for Christmas. Right, that's love bombing. If they're over complimenting you or to the point where you don't believe the compliments, that's love bombing. Anything that's of the extreme, even if you might set a boundary, if he is overly apologetic and he gives you nine, ten different apologies, please understand that's what a love bomber does. So I wanted to just offer that to you. As you navigate this, many black women will engage with like lighter skinned guys. One, because they want some of that pretty privilege. This is why many of us will get with hot guys. But two, internalized racism will make us think that lighter skinned guys are safer guys. And I'm here to let you know that they're not. I hope this is helpful as you navigate your dating journey. And again, this is not all lighter skin or biracial men, but it's a good portion of them. And I want you to be careful out there. I hope this helps. Hey girl. The biggest question I get as a dating coach is what app should I be on? And I wanted to go through and grade each of the top apps that I see so many of the women that I talk to are going on. So here we go. So the first set of apps that get an incomplete grade are eHarmony, the league and Raya. Why? Well, let's start with eharmony. Eharmony is like going to that white Christian church or that Mormon church and you just feel really uncomfortable because you know that they're nice but they don't like you. They're racist. That's eharmony. The league. If you went to an Ivy League institution, you already know what the league is giving. It's giving these white guys that want to, like, just chat with you but not really take you home. And the black guys are only looking for the white girls. No shade. And in terms of Raya, well, girl, if you want to hook up with a hot dj, Raya is your man. Raya is your app, girl. So these are the apps that have the incomplete grade. Now, the apps that get an F in my book are plenty of fish and Facebook dating. And I'll tell you why. Plenty of fish. Yes, there's plenty of fish out there, girl. Lots of scammers and plenty of fish. Has nothing but tilapia and catfish up in there. The lowest of the low in terms of Facebook dating. So many scammers and just generationally, like, you're probably not on Facebook a lot. And so there's just going to be a lot of boomers up in there. And I don't know if you're looking for a boomer. You might be, but Facebook dating, so many scams out there, you don't want to do it. So the apps that I give a D grade to are Tinder and Be okay. Now, Tinder is like that frat that is popular and a really good party, but you don't want to stay to the very end because it can get really dangerous. Some of my friends, I'm not in the frat or sorority scene, but some of my friends say it's like a cue party. And BLK is if you're on there, you already know. It's like a lot of guys that are those cousins that you don't really talk about because they are a mess and they can't get themselves together.

These apps are dangerous. These apps are hookup sites for the most part, and you want to be careful from them. D also stands for good D, or let's say mediocre to good D. If that's what you're looking for, go on these apps, but otherwise stay away from them. Now my C grade goes to Coffee meets Bagel and Hinge. Hinge has changed significantly since the pandemic. You don't want to go on there. All of the hot profiles are behind a paywall. Hinge for me is like, you know, in fifth grade when you like that guy, but he just, like, would hurt your feelings and he just did not like you. That's Hinge, girl. So you just want to stay away from Hinge. And then Coffee meets Bagel is an okay site. It's just not a lot of guys on there and it's heavily popular. It's heavily populated with south and east Asian guys. So if you want to DEI your dating and have that diversity app higher girl, get on coffee meets Bagel. Now. My B grades are bumble match and OkCupid. I would say 95% of my clients, if they do find their guy on an app, it's from one of these three sites and I, I can hear you already. Bumble is where all the feminine guys are not really girl. Start the conversation, see if he drives it. Yeah, Bumble is like the top site right now. If you're not on there, you're probably like losing a lot of opportunity to find your person. OkCupid is really great because there's a lot of liberal guys, open minded guys, intellectual snobs. If you're one of those like I am you, you will probably find some interesting guys on OkCupid. Match is a good side. If you are 40 plus. Yeah. So that's why I give it a B grade because if you're 40, 50 years old it should be like your number one because the guys generally are much more serious because it's more of A, you have to pay for it. The only thing about Match though is that there's so many people on it, it can get a bit overwhelming and it's, it's really represents the whole world. So you're going to see a huge spectrum of like good guys but also a lot of not so great guys that are not ready for a relationship.

And then the apps that have an A grade is. Well, there are no apps that have an A grade because apps are not the be all, end all. Really it's you. It is about how you navigate your dating life and how what you learn about yourself in the process of meeting and getting to know these guys. These dating apps are just a tool and I want you to use them as such. If you are thinking, thinking that they're your be all end all, you're playing yourself. Think of these as like slot machines, girl. Right? Have fun, play with them. If you find, if you get a jackpot, great. Otherwise keep having fun and talking your ish. When you have that level of mentality instead of kind of thinking every guy that you talk to is the one, it will make the apps much more pleasurable and much more fun. Talk your ish, have fun and don't take them too seriously. Alrighty. I hope this helps and let me know did I get it right or Am I totally off with these grades? Girl, non black men flirt differently than black men. And I did a video earlier this week about how non black men are checking for black women. And so many of them were like, I don't see it where, how, when. Girl, I'm gonna put you on game right now because I think that you're used to a more assertive, aggressive flirt from black and brown men that you are not even seeing how subtly these men are flirting with you. Yeah. So for those of you that don't know me, my name is Ammar White. I. I'm a dating coach for black and brown women. And I want to put you on game girl so that you can catch all the men like Pokemon honey. Yeah. So I'm sure you're used to black men that are giving you this hit you over the head with a rock and pull you into the cave energy. In terms of flirting, where they are catcalling you, I call it shouting and yelling or barking at you or grabbing your wrist or arm. That's not what these non black men are going to do. At least not the majority of them. What they are going do to. To do is they are going to focus on cultivating a friendship with you first and foremost. Yeah. And it doesn't. It's going to feel weird to you and you're going to feel oblivious and not know the signs because you're not going to know if he's being nice or if he's flirting with you. Here's what I want you all to know. If he's being nice and he's talking to you for more than two to three minutes, he is flirting with you. And if you don't believe me, think about your daily life and how many conversations you have with non black men that are not working for you or service to you. Pretty sure not so many. Right? So please understand that if he's staring at you more than twice, he's into you. If his feet are pointing towards you, it is body language 101 to let you know that he is into you. Okay? And a lot of women are like, they stare all the time. They don't do anything. Most non black men are not going to approach you because they think that you're focused on black men and they don't want to be rejected. So I want you to do what my mentors, KP and Envy, taught me how to flirt, which is you walk over to him slowly and say, I know you don't know me, but then I want you to give him this Line. You seem to be staring at me a lot. Are you flirting with me or should I be scared?

He'll be right here at your palm, honey. But let me take a step back, right? Because this is about being the main character in your love life. No more of this funny best friend energy. And if you have problems learning how to be the main character where you are choosing the men versus waiting to be chosen, you definitely need to book a call with me. But if you don't want to do that, that's fine. I want you to change your mindset. I want you to think of you hosting a party and you being, you know, connecting with each and every person. That sort of energy is the energy that I want you to put in your love life. I hope this was helpful and a little bit fun.

Girl. The prettiest women have the hardest time dating. And I should know. As a dating coach, I have beautiful women in my program to the point where I am thinking and questioning my own sexuality. Girl. And there's a reason for that. And I wanted to go through that most of the time. What will happen is people date based on attraction level first and foremost. It's a short term way of thinking about dating, which is totally fine. Right? And the apps don't help with that. What happens though is like, let's say you're a nice nine on the attractiveness level as a woman. Women focus on people that are at their level or one notch higher. So you're only going to focus on nines and tens, which only represent like 5% of the population. Right. Whereas a man actually will look at his level but like four notches down. So he's looking at nines, eights, sevens, sixes, and even some fives. Right. And so what happens is that because these nine men are focused on all of these women, you have more competition. And some of the fives and sixes will actually give up sex quicker and easier. So he will focus on them first and foremost, especially if he's not ready to date. If you're a nine woman, what will happen is the guys that are from a 1 to an 8 will be too intimidated to even approach you and think that you're too expensive, so they won't even engage with you. And even if you're in a relationship, a lot of these guys will be really like insecure because you're going to continue to get a lot of attention. So it's really difficult to be dating and in a relationship as a pretty woman. It's not impossible though. And the way That I want you all to think about. Instead of just like focusing on attraction first and foremost, I want you to focus on PI, physical, intellectual and emotional. And the average of those scores, let's say going from a 0 to 10, will be your score and the guy's score. Now I work with black and brown women and oftentimes very smart, very beautiful, but the emotional component is lacking based on how we're raised from. So that's what I do to help them get to a 7, 8, 9 in their priority. So here's what I want you to understand. Men are not wanting a 9 or a 10 physically, like for a long term focus. They really want a 7 or an 8. So please understand that our work is to level up that emotional component so that you can be quote unquote ready for an amazing relationship. Now what does this have to do with mid ugly men? This is what is so funny. Sometimes you will see really beautiful women with guys that you would consider mid ugly. This is because they have given those five, six, seven fives and sixes a chance. And what happens is over time, because they're giving people more chances, they're able to understand that these guys have a super high intellect and emotional quotient as well as the fact that with more time that they actually become more and more attractive. So that six becomes a nine, that five becomes an eight. So but oftentimes we're not giving ourselves that time and that opportunity to see a guy's pie rating. But for the women that do that are very beautiful, really pretty. That's why you see a lot of them with the quote unquote mid ugly guys. I hope that helps explain why it is really difficult to date while you're pretty and the science behind mid ugly men. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk TikTok. And if you need help leveling up your emotional quotient, definitely book a call with me.

Girl. Most women don't know how to date. And that's especially true if you're a woman of color, a black woman, because you're not taught how to date. Right? And you know, it's frustrating when things are not going your way because you were never taught. It's like trying to perform surgery but you've gone to law school. It just doesn't work. So think of me as your fairy godfather and I'm going to put you on game. I am going to give you some dating strategy, AKA some dating boundaries that I want you to uphold and implement on your dating journey. Yeah. Okay. So let's get started. If you are dating a guy and you meet him online and he hasn't asked you out in a week, he's out. Now if he is longer distance, let's say two hours away, he has two weeks. And if he's three hours away or longer, he, he has four weeks to come and see you and have a date with you. We never go to a guy that's long distance for the first rendezvous, AKA meeting or date. We don't get flew out. Girls. Yeah. Now, if you have gone out on a date with a guy and he hasn't reached out to you within 48 hours, he's out. It means you are an option and you're not the priority. I get women into relationships, like at least two or three every week, and the guys that they're in relationships with, you have to beat them off with a stick. That's what it looks like. So I want you to have that as your threshold, as your expectation with a guy that is serious about you. And if he's not, he's out. Now, let's say you're further down the line and you have been kind of seeing a guy for two and a half to three months. If when the exclusivity, conversation, commitment conversation comes up and he's not ready at that time, he's out. If he's not ready, then. Because a man will know within two and a half to three months.

He doesn't want to be with you. Girl. No shade. And we have to, like, cut our losses. I have been a dating coach for 13 years and every woman that has given him an extra week, an extra month, it's never worked out, and it's never worked out. And it's only taken a month to realize that. So please heed my words. Okay? If you have been seeing a guy for two years and he is, and you're not married or you're not engaged, he's got to be out. He's not serious. You're a placeholder. And. Or he's not in a financial position to move forward with you, which lets me know that he was never built when you saw him and that you were building with him. And we don't build with men. It's like buying a house with no windows, doors, or, or a roof. We deal with men that are built. Yeah. So it should only take them two years to get engaged or married to you. I hope this helps. Put this in your notes app, girl. And if you want help like upholding and really making sure that these boundaries hold solid. Book a call with me and I can become your dating coach. I hope this helps.

Hey girl, thank you so much for listening to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com/apply or subscribe and leave me a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. Talk soon.