A Night in Paris - Offline Dating

Hey, girl. Welcome to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week, you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

Hello, my loves, and thank you so much for joining the getyourguy Coaching podcast. I am so excited to be back. I've taken a little bit of hiatus, and it wasn't because I was trying to ghost you all or shade you all. It was because I went to Europe. I went to Europe. I was in Paris, and I was in London, and I got to meet up with some good friends. But I will talk about that a little bit later in this episode. Today, I want to talk about offline dating. Yeah. And the reason why I want to talk about it is because a lot of you all are just, like, tired of the apps. Yeah. And I get it. It can be really exhausting to go through similar conversations with so many people who are, like, not doing what they're supposed to be doing or not asking you questions, and you feel like you have to do all of this emotional labor to keep the conversations going, and it can just be really frustrating and disappointing. And so, so many of y' all are like, f the apps. I get it. Guess what? Y' all get to also offline date. And we're gonna talk about that today and how to do it. Yeah. Or at least give you different ways and different tools to do it in a way that feels comfortable, safe, and fun and exciting to you. Yeah. I think it's really important to have a hybrid approach to dating, because guess what? There are going to be moments when the apps aren't hidden, and there are going to be moments where we're not meeting guys in real life. And to be able to have both will allow you to maximize your dating efforts. Yeah. And guess what? I know it's, like, much more convenient to, like, you know, work, come home, eat dinner, watch tv, and be on the apps a little bit. But, y', all, the pandemic is calming down a little bit, and we are going to have to put ourselves out there a little bit. Okay. So I want y' all out and about. We're gonna have to, like, make our lives much more well rounded. So what does that mean? That means I want you all to start doing things that light you up? Yeah. And I want you to be doing them on a weekly basis. If that means working out, I want you to work out. If that means, you know, volunteering at your local kind of, you know, food, kitchen or any other charity, I want you to do that. If that means playing sports. Right. Or hiking, I want you to go on to meetup.com and find a hiking group and start hiking. That's a book club. I want you to do a book club. I don't really, at this point, I don't really care if it's like a good ratio of men and women. I just think it's important to engage and start connecting with other people. So first, get yourself out there. Do a couple of things. I've always been privy to sports because that's what I did when I was in high school. So I'm always doing tennis and basketball before I was married, of course, but I'm still kind of doing it now. So that was the thing that helped me get out of my shell. And so why is offline dating still important? It's still important because you experience people differently in real life. Yeah. And you will give people more of a chance if you meet them in real life than you will if you are chatting with them on a dating app. And the reason I say that is because the dating apps are really focused on really superficial things like looks and career and height and things like that. Whereas when you're in real life, like, someone's personality might be able to shine and you'll be able to connect with them on a variety of different levels because you've been able to give that person more of a chance. Yeah. So it's still something that happens. I would say a third of my clients actually do meet their guys out in the wild irl in real life offline. So it's still something that is possible. Okay. But I would say the majority of my clients, 2/3 to 70% of my clients, are meeting their guys online. Yeah. Okay. Why is this important and why am I talking about offline dating? Because I think it's important to understand that you're going to have to do it differently, that we are in a me too post, me too environment, and we are in a mid to post pandemic environment. So the thing is that men are not going to be approaching you in the ways that they were doing beforehand. It means that you're going to have to show up differently. It means that you are going to have to, what I call, open the space. Yeah. And so I'M going to talk a little bit about that later on in this episode so that you get a good understanding of what that looks like and what that means. But like I was telling you before, I was in Paris and London and then I got sick. So that's why I've been away for the last two to three weeks. But while I was in Paris, I got to hang out with a really old friend of mine named Jerry. So I want to introduce everyone to my really, really good friend Jerry. Jerry and I met each other in Milan when I was not a dating coach and working for Tom Ford and in fashion, which was a long time ago, almost 15 years. Jerry, why don't you introduce yourself to the girls?

Hello, everyone. My name is Jeremiah. I'm from London. I am a fashion psychologist. And as Anman mentioned, we both met in Milan many, many years ago, and we have maintained a very strong friendship ever since then.

Yes. And the thing that you need to know about Gerry, because you're not able to see him and me is that we're 616 2. We're very thin, our bone structure is cross. And so anytime we're together, people think that we are models. And so I wanted to bring Jerry on because Jerry and I spent a night in Paris, and I thought it would be a really good opportunity for you all to hear a little bit about how to open up the space in dating offline. Right. What I call social dating. And so, Jerry, we were in Paris recently, and.

We, like, we've generally done, created a story beforehand, which I think is really important. Yeah. So my name was Antonio. Do you remember what your name was?

Victor, I believe.

Yes. Okay. So your name was Victor, although I think that you didn't hold true to it that night. You're going to have to level up with our story.

And the story was what.

We said, that we were still in Paris for Fashion Week and spending the weekend there. And it was also my 30th birthday.

I forgot about that. Yes, yes, yes. It's your 30th birthday, even though we are not 30. And so we're here to celebrate. It's our last night in Paris. And so that was our story. And the reason why I think it's really important to have a story is because just like Beyonce has Sasha Fierce, it's important to access those parts of yourself that will allow you to feel free, to feel more outgoing, to. It's almost like you're a different person when you're on vacation than you are in your everyday life. And it's all about getting into those vacay vibes. Because we're much more outgoing. We want to connect more when we're in that mode. And so I think it's, like, really important to get there. And so having a story before you go out, I think, is also really great. And so that's why we did it. Yeah. Okay. So, Jerry, I guess maybe you can tell the people. You know, we used to go out a lot in Milan. And what was your experience when we went out in Milan?

So.

From my best recollection, it was that the two of us were like chalk and cheese. Anwar has a lot of charisma. Very outgoing, very extroverted, very friendly. Not suggesting that I'm not. But I'm a lot more introverted, a lot more shy. I like to be in my own space. And I always told my friends here, continue to tell them as well, but always recite to my sister, my family, how we would go out and. And which would be. Anwar always had the ability to draw everybody's attention to him and have everybody come and talk to him, have everybody come and want to be with him. And he often drew traffic my way as well. I was unable to do that.

But, honey, I am the Mother Teresa of Italian men. Honey, I'm just giving them out left and right.

Indeed, yes. It was an art form, Something that one has to see in person. I marveled at it. And obviously, in Paris, nothing changed.

The potential of many.

Yeah. Well, thank you for saying that. It's a lot of fun. And I think what people don't understand is that. And I want to share this with women as well, that you have all of the power that literally, you just need to tell these men what to do and what you want, and they'll do it right. And it's only when you actually harness and embody that power that dating becomes really fun. Yeah. And so, yes, we've had a lot of good times, haven't we?

I've had many wonderful times. Yes.

Yes, to your recollection. And, Mom.

Okay, so we're in Paris. We have our story down. We're leaving, and we're on the train. And we knew it was already gonna be a good night because we almost got the number of the guy that was giving us our tickets. I think we went to the actual counter, and we. There was something going on. Maybe a ticket wasn't working, but for some reason, we were already in a flirtation mood.

We were. The machine wasn't working, and we had tried several times. Then we went Back to the counter.

Yes. And I think I laid my hand out for it to be kissed.

Moment.

And I shared the story. Right. That we're, you know, just so that they felt like they wanted to help us.

Yeah. Yes.

That's the thing about having the story. It's about inspiring other people to do for you. And so that was fun. We talked about being models. They were laughing, they were having a good time. They definitely let us go about our way. And then we went on the train.

And we were sitting down, we were having a good time. We were amped, we had a few libations. And so, you know, maybe a little bit more.

Lively, especially the quiet Parisian crowd on the train.

And there's a guy on the train, and you spotted him quickly. You said, oh, girl.

Man with the book.

Yes, I liked his outfit. And he had the. Not to suggest that I base attraction on looks, but it was for someone who I was physically drawn to immediately. He stood out from everything that everyone that was on the. On the Tube train. Sorry.

Most definitely. Oh, and just FYI, before we left the hotel, I had a mission. And my mission was that Jerry was going to kiss three men tonight. Right. And as you all know, because you hear about my results on a weekly basis and how I get my clients into the most amazing relationships every week, I was going to follow through with that mission.

And he did.

So let's talk about this boy on the train, because he was on another car, I believe, and we were, like, on another car or. There was a bit of distance between us.

It was two different coaches, for sure. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, when my girl says she wants something, it's my job to get it. And so what did I do? As we talk about opening up the space, ladies, I think it's important to understand that there are different ways to flirt and there are different ways to connect with men. Right. I always think about it in three different ways. Intellectually, physically, and emotionally. Intellectually, it's like the banter, it's the talking shit, it's the poking holes. It's. You know, even teasing can be intellectual in nature. And then we have the physical, which is obviously the eyes, the smile, the touching. And then we have the emotional, which is kind of the appreciation and the sharing of feelings and the acknowledging of what they're doing. Right. And so in this way, I really focused on the physical and saying hi with eyes and smiling, and that's what I did. And just FYI, if you ever want to know if somebody's into you, you need to look at their feet. And this man's feet. One was pointing at me and one was pointing at Jerry. I think he wanted. Honey, he wanted an Oreo situation. Honey, he wanted an Eiffel Tower like you don't know what.

Goodness me, girl.

Girl, was I lying?

No, you were not.

I'm not. What did I do? Girl? I gave him a smile like I generally do. And I gave him eye contact for three seconds because I already knew that he wanted. Yeah. And so in doing that, and then I went about, you know, Jerry and I talking our shit. What did this man do, Jerry?

He got up off his chair from a different coach, moved to our coach and sat next to you?

He sure did.

He sure did.

He was completely shocked. To be sincere. I was not expecting that. Firstly because as you. As you stated, yes, he. His body language indicated those interests. He certainly noticed us. But I did not at one point think he was that way inclined. I just thought maybe he was just interested because we looked, we stood out from everybody else. Not just trying not to sound arrogant, but we did. We're just. Well, we presented ourselves very well. So I wasn't aware that it was beyond anything other than intrigue.

The one thing that I've learned about living in Europe for a very long time is that, honey, I could. These European men are waiting to get bagged.

Okay. In a more serious note, he sat right next to me. Yeah. And how did I open up the space? Another way of opening up the space is to make an observation. And obviously he was reading a book. So I asked him about the book and what it was. And you know, it was some high level psychology or science of something. Girl, I wasn't listening.

And then I shared our story, our model story. It's Victor's 30th birthday. We're trying to go out. And again, inspiring him to want to do for us. And.

Coincidentally, we got off at the same stop in La Marais, the gay, you know, district of Paris. And, you know, I gave him the Parisian kiss and I asked him to kiss my friend Jerry. And before I knew it, we had our 30 year old. I think he was in the late 30s or something like that. Jerry, talk to me about that experience.

Again. Like I said, it had been some time since you and I had seen each other in person. But to relive what we lived in Milan, in Paris, for me was absolutely extraordinary. I was again still taken aback by how quickly that transpired because it wasn't a 20 minute thing. It wasn't even a 15 minute thing. It was more within a few minutes. So the fact that you were able to turn that around so quickly for me was simply astonishing. Again, I said, okay, she's back.

Girl. She never laughed. She never laughed. So this episode is not about, like, me and how fabulous I am, because I want everyone to know that literally all of y' all can do this. Yeah, everyone that's listening can do this. If you have the tools and you're confident in actually implementing these tools. Right. I gave him. I. I gave him the smile, and he came to me. I knew he was already into it based on the body language and the feet. You all can observe that, understand that, and then give. I. And give smile and let these guys come to you. That's the takeaway here for this train guy. First kiss down. Ready for Kiss 2 and Kiss 3. So now, after we get off of the train, we go to a bar. Do you even remember the name of that bar?

The Cox C O. S. Yes.

For clarification, because that was where we wanted to go that night. And it was kind of like a beer garden of sorts. And I think we get a drink, and then there's this guy that's sitting across from the bar, kind of chilling and doing his own thing. So one of the ways that we opened up space is I shared the story and I asked him for recommendations again. Another way to open up the space is to ask for a recommendation. Where should we go? Right. What are the things that are happening tonight and in this area that we can have fun? Because we're leaving for London tomorrow. Right. And so obviously, he was giving really great recommendations and having a good time and. And smiling. Do you remember anything about that guy?

Just a picture.

Oh, yes. By the way, I took pictures of every guy that Jerry kissed because I had told his sister beforehand that I was going to get her brother kissed three times that night. So I needed to have evidence because I'm all about the receipts, honey. So, yes, Jerry, do you mind if I share the pictures on the show notes? Are you okay with that or not really?

I'm okay with that.

Okay. Let me know if you aren't, and I won't. But I'll share the pictures in the show notes so you can see the men that, Honey, we engaged with. And so this guy was sharing about, you know, what to do, where to go and everything like that. And he was so nice. And then he gave my friend Jerry a kiss. Yeah, so that was the second guy. The third guy was a younger guy. And.

So, you know, we had been at the bar for, I don't know, an hour, 40 minutes.

I don't think it was that long. It wasn't that long.

Okay. And he walked by and he had these really cool, interesting shoes on. And so the way that I opened up the space with him was that I gave a compliment. Oh, I really like your shoes. Where did you get them? What kind are they? Where are they from? Like, what are they made of? Because they were very interesting. Kind of like Kanye esque, differently shaped shoes. And so that started a conversation. Yeah, where are you from? What's going on?

You know, he was German. I obviously am fluent in German. So we were speaking in German. And then I obviously introduced him to my friend Jerry. Jerry, how did talk to me about your interaction with our German friend.

Damian. So from what I recall. Based on what. And I think it has to do with what you said as well. Because he had seen us before and had not approached us, so that interaction would not have happened, to my belief, unless you had initially engaged with him. Because they. He seemed. He and his friends seemed a bit intimidated. That's what was said for them to come talk to us. So when I was at the bar getting us a drink, I turned around and I thought, yet another person, potentially the third person, is going to kiss me on the cheek. But it was different. Damien is different. And I saw you as you speak. And then again.

You stated you asked him to give me. Again, you told him a story, then asked him to give me a kiss on her cheek, which he did. And then I believe at that point, we're still speaking. Then his friend came in. We're all speaking together as a group. And then you encouraged us to kiss again. I have to video.

I'm an encourager, what can I say?

And an enabler.

And.

But this time we kissed for real. We kissed again.

When I say for real, I mean it was tongue, which for me, after.

All, honey, we did it the French way in Paris, apparently.

Yeah. And it was just different. I think unlike the first two, this one was more.

Unique. And yeah, we continue to do that the rest of the night.

Yes, ma'. Am. Yes, ma'. Am. And I believe you're still talking to him.

Yes, he's coming here in a few weeks.

Okay.

What I think is really important when Jerry is talking for ladies, especially women of color, is that one. We're in a post. Me too. Environment. We are also in a mid to post post pandemic environment. So men are not going to approach you in the same way that they did before. It is important to understand that. And if you are a woman of color, these men are often going to be intimidated by you from the get go. So you are going to need to open up that space. Yeah. Guess what, y'? All? These men are checking for you.

Damn.

All of them. And we think because we grew up and we didn't have boyfriends in, you know, elementary school or junior high or high school or even. Maybe even college, that nobody checking for me. So why even engage? No, all these guys are checking for you. You just don't know it yet. And if you engage and if you open up the space, you would know that they are. Yeah, most of them are. But you think just because you didn't have a boyfriend in sixth grade that these guys aren't checking for you. They are. And when you open up the space, you will find out. Yeah, I had no idea that these boys were checking for us. Yeah. All I knew is that I wanted to engage and I wanted to open up the space. And I. So I gave him a compliment. Yeah. So.

We talked about opening the space in a variety of different ways. Yeah, we talked about.

Giving a compliment. We talked about asking for a recommendation, and we. We talked about kind of physically with eyes and smile. Yeah, These are ways in which you can engage the space. There is actually 12 ways that I teach my clients how to do this so that they are fully engaged and find the best ways for them to do it. I mean, you can, you know.

Make a request. You can share an observation. There's a variety of different ways I share all of those ways in my program. But I just wanted to share that story with you all because I thought it was really fun. I thought it was really interesting and a good representation of how you can open up the space with these men.

And hear about how I do it. And I'm hoping that this inspires you, and I'm hoping that y' all get a kick out of this. To understand how I navigate in the jungle in the real world. Jerry, what thoughts do you have? What feelings do you want to share? Observations? Do you want to kind of give the listeners before we head on out?

I definitely say that I completely concur with what you said, because, as you know, I mean, you've known me for decades, but that would. That night would not have happened without what you've just stated, because, like I said on the night as well, I didn't kiss people in public, yet I did. I didn't allow myself just to be vulnerable and exposed, and yet I Did. And as a result of that, I have potentially something very interesting in my life, so. So, again, thank you for enabling that and obviously always being a guide for me, particularly in this area of my life. And, yeah, I'd say definitely listen to nmo. You get very far.

Thank you, girl. Here. I think you make a really good point, which is doing this takes a little bit of vulnerability. You kind of have to not give a fuck, really. And so many women will tell me I'm introverted, I can't do it. Yeah, you can.

Anytime that you're engaging with someone in customer service, you're going up and you're initiating conversation.

You can do it. It's the same shit. Your thoughts are putting these men on a pedestal, and it's making you feel disempowered. I want to let every woman out there know that you're a freaking queen and all of these men are your suitors. It is literally giving Bridgerton down. Yeah. Get into that mindset to understand that you're the prize and that they are all trying to get to you. And once you're able to have that mindset, all of this shit won't matter. If he engages, great. If he doesn't, we move on to the next guy who does. Nothing is lost. But there's so much potential for gain. Right? As you've heard, Jerry now talking to his fine boy, his fine German boy.

That'S open, and that's available to you as well. Okay. Jerry, thank you so much for coming on to my podcast.

I've been lovely speaking to you, as always.

I appreciate you, and I just want to thank you so much.

No, thank you so much.

We'll have to do it again. The family and I are coming this summer, so we'll have another night of it if you are still single.

Yeah. Time shall tell.

Yes. Awesome. Well, thank you so much, everyone. I hope this was helpful for you as you start to think about opening up the space and leaning into dating offline. Because sometimes those apps can be really annoying and really frustrating that we can have a hybrid approach and we can, like, make it happen for ourselves. All right, have a good one. Bye.

Bye.

Hey, girl. Thank you so much for listening to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com apply or subscribe and leave me a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. Talk soon.