Anwar's Dating Readiness Hierarchy

Hey, girl. Welcome to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

Hello, my loves, and welcome to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. Today's episode is a special one and I think it's going to be really helpful for you to understand where you are in terms of dating readiness and what you need to focus on and work on to make sure that you are going to find your guy. This is the work that we do in my program and I wanted to share a little bit with you so you get a sense of, well, what do I need to work on? Right. I call this Anwar's dating readiness hierarchy. Yeah. And it is aligned with Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Just like my episode 33 was when we were evaluating men. It's the same for women as well. It's similar, but I want to explain and give a little bit more detail in depth in this episode so you get a sense of, well, where am I and what do I need to work on to get to level five where I am self actualized and I can get to my level five guy. Okay, so let's get started. I'm not going to talk any more shit. I want to get to the nitty gritty so that you know what the hell you need to do, girl. Okay. Okay. So level one physiological, right? So when I talk about level one women, I'm talking about the women that sleep with men, right? To connect with them, to try to gain power or to try to manipulate. And a lot of these women will do this because they haven't connected emotionally or intellectually and they believe that their bodies will get them everything and anything that they need and they are actually objectifying themselves and aligning with men that are going to objectify them as well. So level five, level one women generally tend to stay with level one guys and it's horrible because level guy, level one guys are really just focused on sex and just want to hook up with you and that's it. And they don't really care about you. They want to use you for your body. This is the case oftentimes with plus size or curvier women who will use their bodies in a same or Similar way that some of these men want to use your bodies as well. And I don't want you to do that. The focus and the work that needs to happen for women that are at level one is that they got to heal those inner child wounds, right? That have taught her or programmed in her that she's not enough. She's not enough for men and she's not enough for others. But most importantly, she's not enough for herself. A lot of people pleasers will be at a level one as well. People that take on way too much work because they are continuously putting their body through the wringer, right? For other people and not for themselves to ultimately have people like them. And that rarely works. And to be honest with you, men actually will separate or disappear when you do sleep with them because their hormones, their vasopressin will decrease and that's their bonding hormone. So if you're thinking and you're a level one lady, oh, let me hook up with him and he'll like me more. No, girl, it's actually gonna make him like you less. Okay, Level two, this is about safety. And this level is really for women that are underemployed or unemployed, or also the case for women that have had unhealed trauma from. From men as it pertains to sexual abuse and assault. And the work around this, especially if you are unemployed or underemployed. One, you should not be dating. Yeah, you're not ready to date because you will only attract guys that will try to use you and try to control you financially, right? Those are the men that you will attract the work around. This is to make sure that you are getting your own money up. And let me tell you something, I was that girl listening to Trina, trying to talk about how I can get money from these men. Honey, but that was when I was in college. That's when I didn't have any money and I was financially unstable. Right? As an adult woman, I want to encourage you. If your job is not giving you what you need, we gotta find another job. Obviously, easier said than done, but please don't be underemployed in these streets and try to date as well. It's not going to work out well for you. The other thing that I think is important for you to understand too, is that to get out of this level two safety, you're going to have to not just get your money up, but also work on your money wounds and your scarcity mindset, right? So many of us, especially if you are of color and most of my listeners are we have a lot of money wounds because we grew up poor. And so mentally we think that we don't deserve as much as the world, the abundant world can give us. That's when the scarcity mindset comes in. So I want to make sure that those are the things, those are going to be your focus areas if you are at a level two and you need to move, you know, move forward, progress to your level 5, self actualized era. The other thing, especially for those women that have that unhealed trauma, is to really work with a therapist, get some professional help around that assault healing. A few episodes I actually discussed dating when you're uncomfortable with touch. So definitely check out that episode too to get some thoughts and ideas about how to help you get back out there in the dating realm after having such experiences. Okay, okay. So that's level two. Let's talk about level three. Level three is all about love and belonging or the lack thereof. So women who don't have tight connections with their family or their friends, assuming that their family is not toxic and narcissistic, right? That's an issue.

I'm also talking about those girls that are home and don't do anything but stay home, work from home, play at home, don't go out. There's a lack of connection that's happening there.

With friends, with family, with community. And it's important to understand that if we are so disconnected from people, that's an intimacy issue, right? This is why it is very easy for you. And just FYI the women that are at a level three, I call this situationship central. Right? Because, because you are so used to having, you know, distant relationships and you know, maybe you're avoidant in your attachment style that being in a situationship, it does, it's, it's not really that big of a deal because it actually allows you to not be as intimate as well. And so one of the things that I think is really important here and the work that needs to be done is girl, you got to get your boundaries in order, right? You got to learn how to say no. You got to stop over explaining we have to stop engaging with situationships or also re engaging with our exes. Dating and dating successfully is about folding a lot of different guys. Just like poker, you got to fold most of your cards if you're going to be successful. You got to let 97% of these guys go. And if you can't do that because you're thirsty for intimacy and attention, it's going to be very difficult for you to be successful in love. And this is especially the case for my ladies of color. You know, many of us grow up with single parent households or with both parents working. So we didn't get a lot of that attention when we were growing up. So we're actually even more thirsty for that attention than our white counterparts. So it is important for us to make those connections and the existing relationships that you have now so that we're not so or as thirsty for it in this part of our life. Okay, all right. So that's level three. Most women that I have met will be at that level three. Okay.

Let'S talk about level four. This is what I call the esteemed level. These are the ladies that you know. These are the women who have done everything that they're supposed to do. They go to church, they get the good grades, they went to a good school, they got the good degree. But in that pursuit of all of those things, a couple of things have happened. One, we've probably been in our masculine energy to survive and fight and to get and do all of those things. And two, we're probably very, very, very focused on what other people think of us.

To the point where it actually can affect your life decisions. And sometimes we will choose things that we think other people will like for us to quote, unquote, keep up our reputation than to do things that feel and good feel good for us. Okay, two things need to happen. A few things need to happen. One, we have to be able to get out of our masculine energy. We have to be able to sit comfortably in our feminine energy to attract masculine, energetic men. Because most of the ladies I talk to want a masculine, energetic man. But you have to get out of your masculine energy first. And second of all, and this is aligned with feminine energy, we have to learn how to be vulnerable. We have to be able to connect emotionally with mental health. And the reason I say that is because you are never going to deeply connect with a man unless you're able to be emotionally vulnerable. If you're not, you are creating colleagues, business connections. You are not creating a deep connection with a potential boyfriend. So that's the work of the level 4. The other thing that I think is important is to understand that.

You got to start living your life. You can't be living for other people. You got to do the things that make you feel good, even if people don't like it. This is about your own understanding and honoring who you truly are and what you love. So, like, for example, girl, if you love anime but you're not telling people about it, girl, I need you to be at that Comic Con. Girl, I need you to be doing the things that are going to give you the ultimate life. A lot of us won't allow ourselves to do that. And because of that, it's hard for us to not just connect with other people, but show all parts of ourselves so that we can be fully seen and fully loved. That's the issue with the level four esteemed. Most of the women that I actually work with are at this level four. They got everything except for the guy. So that's the work that I focus on a lot in my program with different exercises, with different support and coaching around this to make sure that our mindset is where it needs to be, that we're able to learn how to be vulnerable while we're meeting guys, having conversation with them, phone dates, physical dates, all of that. Okay. All right. Now finally, I want to talk about level 5 self actualized. Like I was saying before, if you want a level 5 self actualized man, you are going to have to be self actualized. Girl, you can't be giving level three energy and expect a level five man. That's not going to work. You have to get to the work. You have to get to the point where you're at a level five. That is the focus of my programs. Girl, I can't predict if you're going to get your guy in month 3 or month 6 or month 12. But what I do know and what my program focuses on is making sure that when your guy comes, you're ready. This work is about getting to level five. This work is about making sure that you are the best version of yourself and you are the woman that's ready for the best relationship of her life with a level five self actualized man. So it means that we've got to get self actualized. All of the things that we just talked about are things that you have worked on, you've mastered, that you've honed, that you have done the work outside and internally to make sure that you are content and happy and joyous. This is about, as a self actualized woman, owning and having agency over your body. It's making sure that your finances are in order and you are financially secure. It's about making and having great connections with friends and family and your community. This is about making sure that your boundaries are healthy, you're able to say no, that you have leaned into your feminine energy, that you have been able to be emotionally Vulnerable with. In all of your relationships. Right. All of that work you've already worked on, that's what we do in the program, right? Making sure that your mindset is legit, making sure that we're healing some of those inner child wounds, making sure that those money wounds are nowhere to be found. All of that. That's what a level five woman is. And when she is there, I know that it's just a matter of time before she actually finds her level five guy. Okay. I hope this is helpful for you as you think about, well, damn, am I ready? Guess what? You don't have to be a level five to date. You can start at a level three. But I would recommend that you work with someone outside of your dating life to make sure that you're moving up to level four and level five so that you can get your guy. That's what I do in my program, Both my VIP program as well as my lifetime membership. Get your guy club. So if you're interested in working with me, definitely book a consultation and I will. I will definitely help you get to your level five. Like I was saying before, most of the women that I work with are probably at a level three or level four. On certain occasions, I will work with a level one or a level two, but that's quite rare. I would say 80% of my clients are level three or level four. So if you're not there yet, there's work that you need to do before you get to book a call and try to get into one of my programs. Okay, girl, I'm curious. Where are you in this dating readiness journey? Level one, physiological. Level two, safety. Level three, love and belonging. Level four, esteemed or level five. And let's be 100% honest with ourselves. Yeah, let's be 100% honest. Let's say you're between level two or level three. You're a two and a half girl. Yeah.

Awesome. I hope that this is really helpful. You know, I create these concepts to help you think about this differently and to get more clarity in your life. A lot of these concepts you are not going to hear from other dating coaches because they come from my head and my genius girl. And so I hope that you appreciate this. I hope this is helpful for you. And if you want to get to a level five girl, you better contact me and don't act brand new. All right, my loves. I will talk with you soon. Bye. Bye.

Hey, girl. Thank you so much for listening to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com apply or subscribe and leave me a review. Wherever you listen to your podcasts talk.