[BONUS] Which Girl Are You?

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy Coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? Alright, let's go.

For those that don't know me, my name is Anwar White. I am the CEO and founder of get yout Guy Coaching. I am a dating and relationship coach and I help smart and successful women really get their guy. Get into amazing committed relationships with high quality men by being themselves and really owning all of their power. So why am I on tonight? What is really going on? I have been doing a lot of research and what I've been doing over the past couple of days is I've actually been accumulating all of the hundreds of clients that I've worked with and really understanding what those patterns have been so that I can come to you tonight and I can talk about what sort of patterns happen with what sort of person. And I'm doing this because I think it's important for you to understand if you are a certain kind of girl, what the actual struggles are, what we need to pinpoint so that you can achieve your love goals. Right? What your triggers are so you know exactly why you may be feeling the way that you're feeling. Okay, so that's what I want to do tonight. I want to go over my three girls. Please. As I'm going through all of these different women, I want to see if any of this resonates with you. Okay? So if it does, let me know. Put something in the comments. This is me. I'm that girl. Please. You're snatching my wig, you're calling me out. I feel attacked right now, whatever it may be. Right. Because I want you to know what steps you need to take to achieve your levels. This is why we're having this session tonight. I have three girls, three women that I generally work with and that I see are having some struggles when it comes to love, dating and relationships. Okay.

The three of them I will call out. So the first one is the nice girl, right? The second one is the hard girl and the third one is the hurt girl.

Just put something in the comments if you feel like you may be one of these girls. We're all family here. You can just kind of speak your truth and no one's going to judge you because we're all trying to figure it all out. So please, in the comments, let me know. Do you think you're the nice girl? Do you think you're the hard girl, or do you think that you're the hurt girl? Each one of these girls has their own strengths and their own opportunities to really help them get into an amazing relationship and get love. Okay? So think about that. Put it in the comments. Okay. I'm seeing some nice girls out there. Someone saying all of the above. Girl, I'm not taking that. I guess what will happen is when I go through them, I think things will clear up a little bit more for you. Right. This is important because each one of these girls has different things that they need to work on. I'm seeing some hard girls out there. I was a hard girl. I'm very familiar with what a heart girl looks like. I'm going to go through all of them and then let me know if you.

Are leaning toward one girl over another.

I'm going to really go through it. I have a ton of notes here just in case I forget everything because I want to really include everything. If you see my eyes going down here, it's not because I haven't studied for my test. It's because there's actually a lot of information in here, and I want to make sure that I'm getting it 100% right because this took hours to do. And I want to make sure I'm giving you all the information.

Let's talk about the nice girl. Who is the nice girl? The nice girl is the people pleaser. Why is she a people pleaser? She is compensating for a deficiency that she thinks that she has. Even though it might not be a deficiency in her head. She thinks I'm not lovable because of something. And because of that, I have to be nice to everybody so that they will like me. Okay.

That is not the way to go when it comes to love and relationships. Right. If you don't. If you're the nice girl and you don't know that you are already whole and, like, perfectly imperfect, then the person that you're kind of engaging with and trying to connect with is not going to be able to see you as a whole person as well. This girl needs confidence, and confidence is a module in my program that really focuses on making sure that you're coming correct. Sorry. I'm getting text messages from my clients because they go on all of these dates and I require them to reach out to me. So we can do a date download after their date. So if you see me doing this, it's because all of my clients are going on all of these crazy amazing dates.

Okay, back to nice girl. Okay. So she needs confidence. She needs to embody what the confidence really is and what it looks like for her. Let's talk about communication from the nice girl.

How does she communicate? She doesn't. She doesn't speak about how she feels and what she thinks.

Nice girls don't do this because they don't want to rock the boat. They want to be considered Pollyanna nice girl. No drama, no contention, no anything. Right. Unfortunately, the guy is going to feel that that is emotional dishonesty and it will create disconnection because he can't trust that you will be truthful about how you feel, how you communicate. Right? He's going to go away. He's going to leave. Once that happens. What does this mean? This means that this girl also to work on her vulnerability.

Being able to speak up and also be vulnerable in those moments that you're feeling a certain kind of way and thinking a certain kind of way.

This nice girl also apologizes for no reason.

For example, if somebody knocks into her, she's the one who's going to say sorry. If there are any nice girls who do this, I want you to raise your hand.

Or say you get disconnected on the phone. Right. You call back and you say oh, I'm so sorry. When it was actually a technology that disconnected the phone. It wasn't your fault. Right, nice girl? Right. We've got to take up space here and not feel like everything is your fault. Okay, so what does the nice girl think about men? She wants to please them. She's focused on them. The men are the first priority. She is focused on trying to just do for them so that they stay happy.

As my mom would say, wrongo dongo. Why is this a problem? Because as a woman, you need to be self centered in this love game. He actually wants to please you. But if you're so focused on trying to please him, it's like you're giving masculine energy. Because giving is providing and giving. Then it becomes a competition of giving, giving, giving. And if you're giving to him, he will either try to compete with you and try to out give you and then feel inadequate or he's gonna make you his mother and become a teenager or a Peter Pan as I like to call it. Right? We don't want that. We don't want that. What does a nice girl need so that she's not making him a priority and putting him on a pedestal. She needs boundaries. She needs to work on her boundaries. I got a module in that for my program. Alright, nice girl. Yeah, let's talk about work. Let's talk about work. She's a hard worker. Why is she a hard worker? She's a hard worker because she thinks that people will like her based on her product, her work product, her work outcomes. Not because she's a naturally hard worker. She's just working hard so that people will like her work and therefore like her. This is how she approaches work. Yeah, we gotta do something different. I have a nice girl that I'm working with now. She works at Google and she literally has been trying to prove herself and working until the middle of the night, even though no one at Google does that.

Because she wants to be liked. Even though she's already proven herself.

Giving you patterns here. I'm giving you patterns. Okay, nice girl. Let's talk about how the nice girl thinks about dating and relationships. Okay? She's a hopeless romantic.

She's a hopeless romantic. And if we're being 100% honest here, maybe a little bit desperate, right?

And she's in a rush, she wants it done already. She wants the fairy tale, she wants the romance. She doesn't want to go through the journey. She wants to live her love life as if it were in a movie. Let's talk about sex for the nice girl. Okay. Sex is really important. And also because she's prioritizing the man so much.

She might not know fully what she wants in the bedroom. She might not know what completely gives her pleasure because she's so focused on making sure that he's good, that he's happy, that he's satisfied, that he gets off that. That becomes the priority.

So we gotta switch that up, right? Yeah. People are saying, why do you know me? I know you because I've worked with hundreds of women. This is literally years and years of research what this looks like. Because I know how to work with every woman to get them the results that they need to get them in amazing relationships within four months, plus or minus a month, depending on the region that you're in. That's why I know you. If you're feeling called out, if you're feeling like I'm really, really checking for you and snatching your wig. That's why.

90% of my clients are in amazing relationships within three to six months of working with me. Roughly two thirds of them are either engaged or married within two years. Right. There's a reason for that. I know exactly what you need. So we do the specific strategic work to get you to your love goals. I'm not here to try to have you do anything and everything. I'm here to be really focused on what exactly you need as a nice girl. Okay. Okay. So let's talk about the parental relationship for the nice girl.

Nice girls have issues with their mothers. They're overly critical mothers. So if that's you.

You'Re the nice girl. If she continues to come for you, you're probably the nice girl. This is where you get your people pleasing from. Okay? Yeah, it's okay. We talk a lot about daddy issues, but there's significant mommy issues as well. Okay. So that is what I have for the nice girl. My nice girls. After I've gone through that, talk to me who are nice girls. Now let me know. Heather's saying, I need you, girl. No, you don't need me. You need to focus on the work that you need to do. Yeah, yeah. All of the answers that you feel like you need outside of yourself, you already have. Yep. I'm seeing some nice girls. Okay, Nice girls. I love you. I love my nice girls. Okay. All right. I'm going to move on to the second girl. Okay.

Right. Nice girls. We need to be more assertive. This is about, like I said before, boundaries, vulnerability and confidence. We have to speak up. We have to speak up and, you know, speak our truth. Right? Because you have to give the man the roadmap to understand what's going on here. Right. We have to have the confidence enough to be vulnerable and know that you are going to actually like for the right guy. He's gonna hold space for you when you need it emotionally, and he's not gonna criticize you. Okay, I'm going to the next girl, which is the hard girl. Now, the hard girl is very protected, lots of walls, lots of armor. She might be in a more ma male dominated industry in her career and she feels like it's her against the world. Right Again.

I was a hard girl.

Right. Okay, so why is she a hard girl? Let's talk about this. Because this is really important and you probably know some hard girls in your life, right? She's a hard girl because no one's ever been there for her and she's had to fend for herself. So because she's had to fend for herself, she has no trust in people, but especially men. This is important.

Because no one's been there for her. It's hard for her to Ask for help. It's hard for her to allow people to do, for her to accept compliments, to receive gifts, any and all of that. These are really difficult things for her to do. So what you will see her do is, is actually do a lot for others. She's doing what she knows that she can't trust herself to actually receive. Okay, so what does she need? She needs to work on her vulnerability. She's got to let those walls down. She's got to trust herself to know that she's going to be okay when she shares that vulnerability. Right. Let's talk about her communication.

She's probably really good at her career and leans into it and she's very critical. Right? And that's what makes her good at her career. She can pick out all of the mistakes and make things perfect. It's because she's always in judgment mode. She's always judging things. It's good, it's bad, it's good, it's bad, it's good, it's bad. Right.

She's not in acceptance mode. Judgment creates distance and disconnect when it comes to love and relationships. We have to be in acceptance mode, accepting how people show up and making a conscious decision about whether you want to engage with that or not. Okay, so what does she need in terms of communication? She needs to learn how to speak and talk to men.

Module in my program.

What is she? What does this hard girl think about men?

She actually doesn't think a lot about them. She can give two shits about them, actually. But she likes to compete with them. She likes to knock them down a few notches because they think that they're God's gift to earth. So she's already coming in super skeptic. Her first inclination is, I'm going to compete with them and I'm going to beat them. What does she need? She needs to be really clear about her energy and whether she wants to be dominant masculine energy or dominant feminine energy. That's module five of my program. Yeah. What about work? Like I told you before, she proves herself through hard work not because she wants to be liked, but because she takes her pride and her value is focused in her work. What does the hard girl think about dating and relationships? She wants it, but she doesn't believe that it can happen for her. And ultimately she thinks it's a waste of time that, like, I'm not going to waste my time on these fools. Like, they're ridiculous, they're losers, they're liars, they're pervs, they're flakes. You hear the judgmental tone coming out of her mouth when she's talking about dating and specifically dating men. Let's talk about how the hard girl thinks about sex.

She likes it. It's physical, it's non emotional to her, and she likes to focus on her own needs. She wants to get it done and get it done.

Right? Yeah. Someone's saying, sounds like Megan, thee stallion is that she likes to make men uncomfortable. She wants to compete. She wants to knock them down a few notches. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Again, this is hundreds of women that I've worked with. Right. What I've known is that women will be in one of these boxes. I'm trying to let you know that if. If I'm calling you out and you feel really exposed or seen right now. Don't. Don't feel exposed. Realize that this is an opportunity. This. I'm trying to give you information about what you need to focus on. Okay, let's talk about hard girl and her parental relationship that she needs to heal.

Probably her mother. Not because her mother was overly critical, but because her mother was not attentive to her needs, specifically emotional needs, but may also be physical needs, financial needs.

Time needs attention. This is why she's hard.

And why it's probably easy for her to have guy friends. If that sounds like you, let me know where the hard girls are at. Hard girls. Hard girls. Hard girls. Hard girls. Hard girls.

Yes. Cindy. Oh, my God, yes. Grew up with my dad. Girl. Period. Yes. The hard girl Persona is a show because it's likely a trauma response from childhood. Yes. But I'm giving you more specific. What that childhood trauma really is generally coming from unfulfilled emotional needs from mom.

Okay. Yeah. So what does the hard girl need? Let me kind of conclude. She needs vulnerability. She needs to learn how to talk to men. She needs to get really clear about her masculine and feminine energy. Right.

All things within my program. Yes. Girl. Yes. Mahogany mother. Wounds are real. Okay, so I talked about the nice girl. We had some nice girls. Talked about some hard girls. I've had some hard girls. And I just want to let you know, a lot of my very religious girls, they think that they're the nice girls, but they're actually the hard girls.

Okay. No shade, just tea.

All right. I want to talk about my last girl. This is my hurt girl.

My hurt girl is someone who's really sensitive.

And through that sensitivity, she is misinterpreting the intentions of people, especially men. Right. She might also think that.

She'S Done something wrong because she's not able to really understand.

The intentions of other people. Right. Was this person trying to hurt me? Like having a hard time reading people. And therefore, because she can't read someone, she thinks something's wrong with her. Right. Let's talk about how she. Why that is.

She plays small. Hurt girl. She plays small to ensure her safety, and she doesn't take up a lot of space. There are some similarities between her and the nice girl. The hurt girl is a little bit more emotional and can be triggered much more or easily. Right. Hurt girl doesn't trust herself in understanding relational dynamics.

This is why she needs to heal her inner child wounds, which is module eight of my program. Okay. She's got to clear that up.

How does she communicate?

She's quite emotional and has actually been shamed for her emotions that she's. It's too much. She's too much.

When you work with me, I want to let you know that I honor all of your emotions. What I want to get clear about is why we're feeling the way that we're feeling.

One of my clients once said, I feel like I'm over emotional. I said, girl, there's no such thing, girl. Come again? I don't understand. Try again. We're not doing that. You get to be emotional. You get to have emotions about things. This will give you an indication of what's really going on inside. So my hurt girl, she's emotional like the nice girl. She doesn't say how she feels or what she thinks. Right. And she apologizes for no reason. So she needs work on the vulnerability. But also because of the emotion that comes up in everyday situations, she's also going to need to learn how to manage her mindset, which is module three of my program. Yeah. Okay, so let's talk about how she thinks about men, because this is really important. The hurt girl thinks that men are dangerous and not to be trusted. She'll avoid them. She'll run away from them.

Because of past experiences. That's why she needs to truly understand men. Right.

Which is module four of my program. Because if you don't understand them, you're always going to be distrustful of them. You're always going to think the worst of them without understanding how they navigate this world, what they want and what they don't want. To have clarity around that will give you an ability to trust yourself around them. Okay, let's talk about what she does at work. Now. I think that everyone has imposter syndrome, but I think it's really intense for the hurt girl. Right. It's either 0 or 100. There's nothing in between. And she may also have kind of adhd. Sorry, adhd. Adhd. Correct tendencies. Meaning like she might be able to focus in long periods of time on things that she loves and then not be able to focus at all for a while. I'm seeing a lot of hearts come up.

Talk to me, heart girls. Where are you? Hands up.

Okay, so those are my hurt girls. Yes. I see you, loves.

Okay, so let's talk about how hurt girl thinks about dating and relationships. She is deathly terrified of it, but deep down knows that she yearns for it. Right. And oftentimes she has a really hard time putting herself out there. Yeah. The hurt girl will actually hold on to situationships a little bit more because there's not a lot of responsibility involved. Because when there's a lot of responsibility involved, it becomes real. And she can't deal with a real dating situation and a real relationship just yet because she doesn't trust herself and she doesn't trust men, ultimately. So that's the stuff that needs to get healed. Right. Let's talk about how the hurt girl engages in terms of sex. Okay. Sex is a way for her to.

Connect with men, but also numb the pain. It's also. It's a sense of power and control about being around men without the emotional intimacy involved. So her mind is completely gone when it comes to sex, right? Yeah.

Also.

She enjoys it. She enjoys sex a lot. It makes her feel powerful when so many parts of her life don't. Right? Yeah. Mahogany's saying this is good. That was me. I was confident on the outside, but a hurt girl on the inside. Yeah.

I'm probably playing small like most hurt girls do. Do not want to be seen. Let's talk about that parental relationship.

Probably father. That problematic parental relationship was probably father, and it was probably because he was angry, abusive, had.

Alcohol, drug issues, and or narcissistic.

So if that's you, I want to see the hurt girls. Hands up. If you were a hurt girl.

I want to let you know. What did we talk about for the hurt girls? We talked about similar things in terms of vulnerability and boundaries and confidence, just like the nice girl. But she needs special attention when it comes to healing those inner childhood wounds, managing her mindset, and understanding men. All modules in my program that we go through in amazing depth. Okay, good. I hope that this was really clear for you. We talked about the nice girl, we talked about the hard girl, and we talked about the hurt girl. Now talk to me. Who are you? Are you the nice girl? Are you the hard girl? Are you the hurt girl?

Let me know. I want to know who you are. I have given you a roadmap to your healing in today's live. What specific things you need to work on to make sure that you are able to not just get into an amazing relationship or just get into a relationship, because you can do that by lowering your standards tomorrow. This is about getting into your forever relationship. This is about you being able to meet the high quality man that you want to meet and be with and not self sabotage yourself out of this amazing relationship and opportunity. Okay. I'm hearing my dad definitely had narcissistic tendencies. He was a good dad, but terrible husband. So my outlook on relationships used to be so wild. Lol. Yeah. Yeah.

Again, the roadmap into why you were the. Why you were the hurt girl. Right? Yeah. His narcissism forced you to play small and be small just to exist in his presence. So we take that over to our future relationships with men.

Right? Yeah. Good. Okay. Nice girls. Okay, hard girls. Okay, hurt girls. I hope that this was really helpful for you. If I have snatched your wig, if you have no more edges and you're like, oh my God, this is me, I want to invite you to book a free consultation call with me so we can talk a little bit more about your personal sitch. Right? You can either send me a DM or PM or you can go to my consultation link www.getyourguycoaching.com.

Okay. And we can talk a lot about this and let me know DM me and tell me which girl you are. Right? If I have given you some clarity, I want to know. Right? Because this is really the intention of this life. You have clarity. You have what your roadmap looks like. So now it's about execution. And what I know is that so many women out there have a lot of information, but it's really about what you do with it and how you implement that information and execute on it that makes the difference. And that's what my value ADD is when I'm talking about the success of my clients. Right. And how they thrive. Yeah. Good.

Hey, girl, thank you so much for listening to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching. com. Apply or subscribe and leave me a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. Talk soon.