Drea's GYG Journey

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? Alright, let's go.

Hello ladies and welcome to the get your Guy coaching podcast. I have a special episode with one of my clients who has gotten her guy. Drea. I thought it would be a really great opportunity for you to just hear from one of my clients who came into the program, did the work experience, what it looks like so you can have an honest view of like, what the experience is and how she got her guy and all of that. So without further ado, Drea, thank you so much for being on the get your Guy coaching podcast.

Thank you for having me and of.

Course, of course, so glad that you're here. So why don't you just kind of introduce yourself, give the girls like, where you're from, like what you do professionally, how old you are and we'll go from there.

Sure. So I'm Drea. Like Coach Anmar stated, I live in the DMV area. The M for Maryland specifically. I am just turned 54. I hate saying that out loud, but.

It is you killing the game. You killing the game.

But yeah. So I am a registered nurse and I'm also an attorney. I'm a nurse who went back to school and became an attorney over the last 12 years. And I work in health, healthcare, working in compliance and risk management. That's what I do. And originally I'm from Jamaica, but I've been here since I was 10 years old, so been here all my life. Came from New York, Connecticut and then now the DMV for the last 24 years or so.

I love that. Thank you so much for sharing that. I want to actually just hop on what you said about kind of being Jamaican and having that culture, because I don't think we talk enough about kind of that, that lived experience of, you know, coming from quote unquote, an immigrant family or a Caribbean family. So can you just share kind of what you learned about dating, love and relationships based on your cultural upbringing?

Great question. I think culturally for us, there's not a lot of conversations around dating. You don't necessarily date somehow, I guess you just meet your person and it happens. And so we don't have A lot of those, you know, when you go out on a date, this is your first date kind of thing. You know, the way I was brought up, it was you don't talk to men at all. You know, you don't have friendships with men. That's not cultivated. You know, you were seen as fast or you just want to have sex. It was never any conversation in my family around, you know, meeting your person and having that kind of relationship. It was really just, you know, don't trust men. And when you do get whatever you can and then hopefully you'll get into a marriage somehow. So there was actually no discussion around dating and anything like that.

Got it. Well, that is such an interesting perspective and experience, because I know that that is actually very much in parallel a lot of the African ladies that are in the program as well. So thank you so much for sharing that. So talk to me, girl. When did you feel like you needed, you know, some sort of help in your love life?

You know, I decided, but that was my personal journey, was to not date for some time. And actually, you know, again, growing up and growing up the way that I did, there wasn't a lot of, again, conversations around dating per se. And so I found myself in relationships when I was in my early 20s, was engaged before or twice, but, you know, never really had a process or had any idea what I was doing. It just kind of happened. And so I took some time off from dating, raising my son. I'm a single parent, and so I took some time off from dating. And when I got back into the game about maybe five years ago, it was very different. I had no idea what I was doing. I just kind of jumped in, got into online dating. I'm a very private person, so that was strange to me. I just kind of went with the flow a little bit. Two years ago, found myself. I met someone online, got into a situation, didn't even know what that word was until I found myself in one. Because I was kind of, you know, following the normal process. You meet someone, you like them, you're very vocal about it, and you move on. Not understanding that there's rules and steps, I guess, to the game.

Yeah.

And found myself in this situationship. And when that ended, I thought, you know, this. This is a different landscape. I'm not used to this. I'm not sure how to navigate this. My tried and true methods doesn't seem to work or apply here. And that's when I started thinking, you know, maybe. Maybe I need some help with this. So I thought of matchmak initially. And then I thought that probably won't work. And why doesn't work for you?

I'm sorry, can you repeat that?

I was saying, why did you think that matchmaking wouldn't work for you?

You didn't like the concept of someone just sending you a list? You know, here's a picture of a person. I don't get to vet or have a conversation with that person. I felt even though they were taking all, you know, ask all these questions and somehow get to know me, I didn't feel that they would truly know me. And I just didn't like the idea of, here's a picture. Go on this blind date with a person, because I still want autonom over the people that I choose and have that kind of conversation first. So I just. I didn't think it would work, and I didn't. I just didn't buy into that whole concept. I wanted to be involved in the process to some extent, so. So I thought that would work for me.

Yeah, no, that makes a lot of sense. A lot of sense. Okay, so you were thinking about matchmaker. You said no against that. How did you kind of stumble across me or dating coaching?

You know, I actually never heard of dating coaching, per se. I was just, you know, finally downloaded TikTok and I would listen to. Of the stuff that would come across, and for some reason, your information, your tik toks came across, and I think one of them was on. The first one I saw, I think was on, you know, getting your guy and some dating tips. And I thought, oh, this is interesting. And so I think you were my second follow on TikTok. It was another. Yeah, you were my second follow. There was some comedy person, and that's how I got on there. They were just making jokes, and I thought, this is interesting. And then when I came across your TikTok, so much of it resonated with me. I loved your approach where it just wasn't, you know, wear this dress, you know, put this kind of makeup on, you know, make sure your nails are, you know, French, which I do have right now, a French manicure. It was more like doing the work, right? And about your personality and the way your relationships and you talked about boundaries. And there was so much that resonated with me. I followed you, and then I started to listen. Go back and listen. I think I listened to all of your. Your tick tocks probably in a weekend just to kind of hear all of that. Yeah, I did.

Girl. You stalking me?

Girl.

Stalker. Silent stalker. And then I think I caught a couple of your lives, and I thought, this is really interesting. So I shared it with a friend of mine and I thought, you know, I'm going to do this in the fall. It was early in the beginning of the year, and I said, I'm going to do this in the fall. I'm going to get myself together and I'm going to do a consultation. I'll get my money right, and I'll do a consultation when I'm ready. Because I wasn't quite ready to date again. I had just broken up with that person, and I thought, I'll wait a little bit and then I'll get everything together and I'll do it in the fall. I shared it with her and she joined your. Your. She did a consultation, actually signed up, and I was like, how did you get there before me? And so a couple of months later, I reached out to you, and that's where. That's how we got here today.

Yeah, thank you for sharing that. So talk to me about kind of the consultation, because I only asked because a lot of women, what I learned is that they're like, really scared or intimidated to even book the consultation. For a lot of the consultations that I have, they're like, well, I've been watching you for a year and I was really scared to do this and I didn't know. So how are you feeling about the consultation and what your experience during that call?

So the consultation for me was eye opening. Right. So I think I probably understand where those other ladies are coming from. You're like, what is this going to be? You know, is this going to be a sales pitch of some sort? Or is this really even going to be worthy of my time or what's going to happen on the call? And I have to say, the call was, you know, you asked questions, you wanted to get to know me a little bit. You wanted to know what my journey was, kind of what my expectation was. And you clocked me on that first call. You were like, yeah, you know.

That lent itself to me thinking, okay, this is not just, you know, for TikTok or for entertainment purposes. You know what you're doing. You know, when I say you clocked me, you identified a couple of things that I didn't even think about. You were like, you know, based on what you stated, this is what it sounds like. And I was like, oh, he knows me already. So, one, I felt that it was. It was real. But the call was very.

I guess the best way to describe It. It was. It was comforting. There was nothing to be afraid of. It wasn't intimidating. When I got on the call, you just asked me to tell you about myself, and I just told you, and then you ask some questions to get some more information. So that call made the decision for me. So if anyone's hesitant about that, I would say make the call. There's no pressure. I did not feel pressure. You know, I didn't have to make a decision during the call. You just kind of said, here's what I have to offer and this is what I'm seeing. And that was it. And then, you know, it was up to me afterwards to kind of say, okay, this is what I wanted to do. And I actually didn't make a decision for two weeks. You know, I thought about it, and again, no pressure. Right. And then I finally made the decision. I made the decision on the call, but I needed to get myself mentally prepared because I knew that this was going to be a lot of work. And when you're getting into the work that some of us haven't done, it's intimidating in that way. And so I thought, I need to be mentally prepared for this. Otherwise it's not going to work for me. I'm going to waste my time and your time as well. And so I waited, you know, got myself right a couple of weeks, and then I took the plunge, and it was the best decision I've made. Best decision.

Awesome. Well, thank you so much for that. You know, it's really interesting because.

The.

Consultation call is really not just a consultation call for you, but it's also the way that I think about it is, hey, is this a good fit? Similar to dating? Like, ultimately, I don't really accept everyone, even though people want to come in. So I think if people are thinking, like, oh, my God, he's going to try to pitch me hard or try to close me, that's not necessarily the case. It's never the case. I'm someone who wants to make sure that women feel comfortable and feel seen. And that's really the intention and the objective of that call. If it is a good fit, great. I definitely do share kind of the programs that I have, but if not, it's like, okay, girl, I'm rooting for you, and I want to wish you the best of luck at the end of the day. And I hope that what you take, what resonates with you, you take with you, and that ultimately it helps you thrive in your love life.

Yeah, so that was exactly my experience. No Sales pitch. And it was really, like you said, a match. And that's why I had to think about, was I ready? Because you did ask that, you know, like, this is going to take work and, you know, you have to be ready and you have to be open to the program and open to the feedback and be ready to do that deep dive. And so I wanted to make a really good decision and make sure that I was ready to do that. And so that's again, what prompted me to use you as a coach. Not that I concern anyone else, but I wanted to do that kind of work. I didn't want it to be superficial. And that consultation call kind of sealed that deal for me that you were not looking to just bring people into your program, but looking to actually change and impact lives. And that's what it has been for me.

Yeah. Awesome. Thank you. Thank you so much for that. So let's talk about when we started working together.

Girl.

Because it was a really interesting journey. I remember one of the first things that we talked about was around boundaries because it was around the holiday time. Do you want to share? Kind of one of our first forays into doing this work.

Oh, boy. Yes. So it was around Thanksgiving time and I'm sorry, it was around coast of Christmas. And I usually prepare Christmas dinner for over 20 people in my family. I'm the person who does Christmas and I get a little bit of help from my mom and others as well. But it's me. And you know, I'm Jamaican, so it's all Jamaican food. And we do a lot of food. So we're talking like eight or nine meats. And I mean meat, not, you know, here's a. I'm cooking from scratch, by the way, just to be clear. So it's a whole three day, you know, prep cook. A lot of work goes into it and I wasn't feeling well. It was my first time getting Covid, my only time. And it was probably two weeks into it, so I was still feeling lethargic. I wasn't myself. And it was just a huge burden thinking about the time and effort and the 12, 13 hours on my feet for four days preparing for this and then hosting it. And I had a conversation with you that was one of our first conversations. And I, you know, I shared that. I don't know what to do, you know, if I don't do this. Folks depend on me for this every year. I've been doing it for the last 20 years since I've been in Maryland. And, you know, I wasn't sure how to proceed. And I came to you and we had that conversation, and you gave me. I want to say you gave me permission. That's not probably the best way, but that's how I felt. You gave me permission to put myself first, which I don't normally do. And that was one of the first times I did that and said, no, I can't do this. I'm not gonna. It's not. I'm not gonna be able to host Christmas. I can't cook anything. And so it has to be somewhere else, and I'm not going to participate. And it took a lot for me to get there. And I think we had several conversations.

Yes.

With me finally pulling that trigger and stating that. And you were right. Nothing happened. Everyone was rooting for me to get better. They were supportive. And, you know, the relatives, the. The younger generation, they ended up cooking for all of us and bringing me food. And it was just. It was the start of my journey. That was the start of my journey when I realized, actually, and I think I said this to you and I shared it with other people as well. That one thing made everything else worth it. Like, whatever this cost me, it was worth it for just that one thing, because it changed everything about how I interacted with family and friends. It started that process, and it was worth it just for that one.

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. Because here's what I know, and this is why I was asking you about kind of your upbringing. A lot of us don't grow up with boundaries. And so when you come into this program, I will have the boundaries for you until you can have them for yourself. So, you know, I don't. I don't mind saying, no, we're not doing that. We're not going to do that. And it's okay for you not to do it. Yeah. So I think it was a very big catalyst for so many other things that happened in the program. And just in your love journ, let's talk a little bit about dating, because we know how dating can be a very triggering experience. And one of the things. Couple of things that I noticed in your journey and I would love for you to kind of speak on them, is one. One of the parts of the program, especially in the VIP program, is about, you know, touching base. Right. And connecting via boxer, either through a text message or a voice note. And at the beginning, we weren't really doing that so much. Right. I think you talked about your privacy. That's one thing. And then the second thing Was there was a. I have a strategy that I teach in my program in terms of how to date. And I think that there was a little bit of frustration that people were not kind of getting through this strategy. So we weren't having as many dates as possible. So can you share a little bit about your experience with those two things?

Sure. So with the touching base, I think, again, it's part of my. My personality. I won't even say upbringing, but. But it is, right, because everything kind of goes back to the way that you were raised. I don't want to bother Anwar. I felt that every time I reached out, I'm like, he probably has more important things to do. And, you know, I'm just bothering him with this one silly question. I can work through this myself. And so it took a lot for me to start feeling comfortable, like I'm not. And you would tell me all the time, you're not bothering me. I need you to do this. This is why I'm here. And you prove that every time. You know, I think it's one of those things where you kind of have to test it to say, is the person going to see monoid? Are they going to seem like they don't want to be bothered? And I've never felt that way. Usually when I started texting more or when I started reaching out on bl it more, I'd be really hesitant to share details. I would just go high level because I wanted to be very quick, so I'm not wasting your time. And then you come back and go, wait, hold on. Tell me more about that and tell me how you felt about that. And describe for me what you were thinking or how you felt or what do you think the trigger was. And you would make me kind of stop and pause. And I felt that you wanted to know and I felt that it was important for you to know. And we would spend. I mean, sometimes a conversation, even though some boxer, either by voice or by text, could be over an hour or even more, going back and forth with you, really delving into those. Whatever that issue was and helping me solution that I would send you pictures or, you know, here's a screenshot of what I'm doing, or here's a screenshot of what was said. It was. It was indispensable, but it was difficult getting there initially. But I think it's, you know, again, you give. I always tell you, you're my safe place. I feel safe. And that's from you again, being so responsive and wanting to know and helping to work through that. And it actually changed everything because I wasn't reaching out. And I'll kind of try to work through those things myself. And once I started reaching out more, we work through them together. You give me in real time advice. It helped to kind of bring me to where I am today, right now.

Yeah, I love that. Just to give some context for the ladies that aren't familiar with the VIP program. So part of the VIP program is you get 247 access to me. So anytime you have a question, a concern, you don't know what to do, you're triggered, and you want to talk through it. That is something that, you know, you can reach out, and I will answer within a minute or two, unless I'm like, I'm in a session or I'm sleeping. But otherwise, I'm all day, every day, answering questions for my clients, making sure that they have their next steps and they feel confident every step of the way. So this is a very important part, especially of the VIP program. And this is what allows, you know, 80 plus percent of my VIP clients to get their guy in within the program. So I love that. Okay, so let's talk a little bit about dating, because there were some things that were coming up for us while we were dating as well. What was your experience?

Well, you know, initially, this was tough. It's a different way of dating and trying to. I think initially it was applying what I was learning to real life and really sticking with those. But go back to boundaries, sticking with those boundaries. Because, you know, when you get on those apps or if you meet someone in person, but in this case, you get on the apps, you see a guy that checks all the boxes. He's, you know, looks like this. He does this. He is professionally this. He has this. He checks all the boxes and then the messaging start. And, you know, you're taking him through your process and it's not going anywhere, right? Or he wants to skip the line kind of thing. And usually that's what happens. They want to skip the line. Because what I found, and this was very true from what you say that depending on a certain aesthetic, right, Depending on how a guy look and how he shows up, he's going to feel that he can skip the line because women are all coming after him. And so I would get that all the time, and it would be frustrating because I wanted him to skip the line because I'm rooting for him because.

He has a great job and he has the gift of gab and he has swag.

Exactly. And, you know, I would. I would. I would stay in the boundaries and. And follow. But, you know, you get to the talking stage, and the first three guys that I actually got through the process and had a conversation with, the conversations were great because they were charismatic. You know, everything. They checked all the boxes, but they didn't go anywhere. And it was. I started looking at the pattern. I was like, yeah, you know, you were like, this is why the funnel works, because people can check all the boxes, and we get caught up, and we want it to work for them. We're rooting for them, so we give them a pass on certain things. So it was tough. It was tough letting those, you know, find guys and things go initially, because I didn't understand it. It was definitely a different way of doing it. But after a few months, you started looking. Maybe a couple of months, you just saw the pattern. So it was easier to identify that you already knew from that first conversation where it was going to go. Based on what I've already learned in the program, it's almost like I started clocking the T, like, really early.

Yes. And that's what it's about at the end of the day, right? That, like, I want us to be dating differently. And what that looks like is really evaluating men based on boyfriend skills versus, like, what the resume looks like. Because at the end of the day, you know, anybody can have a cute resume, but not everybody can do the job. And all of us know that personality hire who has everybody do things for them instead of actually knowing how to do the work. So I want to make sure that your man comes into your love company to do the work and to do it well.

Yes. And so because of that, like you said, a lot of men were not getting through the process, and so dating was scarce. I was not going on a lot of dates. You know, the first date I went on, I wanted it to work. You know, you're just thinking, I need this to work. And if it weren't for the program, I think I would have overlooked a lot of things on that first date. Right. Like him not wanting to plan the second date or him not really making much of an effort or things like that that I probably would have overlooked. Because you want. You want to kind of see how that works. So, yeah, that was frustrating for me in the beginning. Like, Anwar, you know, I've been on two dates or I've met two people, and you, you know, always tell me, trust the process. It's not about quantity, it's about quality.

That's Right.

And that proves to be true.

What I know in my program, you're not going to go on two or three dates a week. You're going to go on, you're going to find one high quality guy a month and hopefully within the six months, the first half of the program, one of those guys will be a match for you. That's generally how it goes. Now what I've learned post pandemic is that now it takes, before the pandemic, it took six months or before. Now it's generally taking between six and nine months. Right. To get your guy. And I think that you got your guy at like the six month mark.

Ish.

Six or seven month mark.

Yeah, about seven, seven, eight months, I think. Yeah. Yep, yep.

Good, good, good, good. So tell us about how you got your guy leading. What? Tell me about it. Because I will say one thing before you get started. There are some times when I have to strongly and highly encourage people to stay the course. And I feel like this was one of the times.

Girl, no shade, this was one of the times. And I tell you, I would not, you know, one of the things that, and just to kind of give a frame here or give some background here, we all have the type of person that we see ourselves with. We all have, you know, all these things that we expect. And when we're going through the process, something you always said to me was, you know, focus on these things. Don't focus on just the way the person looks or this is your type of life. Let's take each person through and have them, you know, rate them on their own merits, let's say. And so for this particular person, you know, I did swipe right and we started talking, but I had, you know, a lot of conversations with you Coach on, well, you know, I don't know about this and I'm not sure about that. And this doesn't really line up with what I'm thinking. And you were like, just follow the process, trust the process and walk through. And does that person, does he meet your emotional needs? Does he meet your other needs? Are he meeting your needs? And those all were. Yes. Right. And so I think it was really embracing the program. When I say the program, I mean all of the program, right? All of the steps, all the process, listening to your advice and not kind of relying on, well, I'm going to do this, I'm going to throw that part away because sometimes you're tempted to do that where you're like, well, I'm going to do this, but I Don't want to do that part. I embraced all of it and it led me to where I am. I wouldn't have done that if it weren't for this. But it was really just following the process, sticking to my boundaries, stating my boundaries, talking about my feelings, which I think changed my interactions with my guy because I started to be open and I was vulnerable and I wouldn't have been that way before. And he was open and vulnerable as a result of me being open and vulnerable. And then I was able to actually assess his ability to support me and be a safe place for me to be open and vulnerable. I wouldn't have been able to assess that if I didn't actually do it. And that was hard. We had lots of conversations, you and I, about, you need to talk about your feelings. You need to talk about your feelings. You need to go back and tell them about your feelings about that, not just your thoughts. And I would go back and do that. You know this is the boxers in the middle of the night, right? And you would tell me, go back and talk about your feelings and talk about the triggers and be open and vulnerable. And you get to assess how he shows up. Not necessarily, you know, assessing that you said this and oh my gosh, it's a big deal. But then you get to sit back and observe and be in observation mode. And I follow that when I say to a T, to a T. And that's where I am right now.

Yeah, I love that. And we can't talk about him too much because he's in the other room from what you told me, girl. So I'm happy that you got your guy. He is amazing. One of the things that I know for sure is when you do get your guy, that first month is really tough because you'll want to self sabotage and this is when the real work starts. So I'd love for you to maybe just talk a little bit about that first month and just share like what were some of the things that were coming up where you wanted to self sabotage or run away? Because I think some of the ladies are like, oh my God, okay, dating coach, that's really great, that's really fun. He's going to teach me how to date. But what happens when I get into the relationship?

Well, ladies, let me tell you, this is what actually need an OR even more now.

I think I've been blocked. No, he doesn't have to say reach out, reach out. It's like.

I think that this is where application comes in. Right. I feel like everything Else was, here's your practice. Here's practice. You're. You're kind of practicing all those muscles, exercising those muscles, and now you're putting all of that in play. So, you know, you're practicing lifting whatever. You're lifting five pounds right now. You need the five pounds. Can you actually do it in real life? And so there's a lot that comes up. It's easy to theorize and say, you know, I'm going to do this when this happens, but when it actually happens, you don't know how it's going to come. And so some of those conversations have been extremely difficult and difficult in the sense that I'm not used to having them, but for this program, I wouldn't have had them. And so I've had to do a lot of self. Self reflection. My typical thing is, okay, fine, I'm out. I'm not dealing with this. This is too much. But what I've learned is I need to work through it first by thinking about why am I triggered by that? Is it really the person? Is it the situation in front of me, or am I kind of tying that to something that happened in the past? And so I'm triggered to avoid that situation. And again, I learned this because of you. Right. And so I always hear that in the back of my mind because you say that so much, that I have to stop and think about it and realize, okay, it's not him. Is it my expectations of what I think a relationship should look like? But what does my relationship look like? And what is our interaction like? And so I've probably. I mean, I think we talked boxer a few times a week, sometimes a few times a day, because I really need that help in real time. And it's been even more valuable to me now having that coaching while I'm in the early stages of the relationship, because I don't even think I would have gotten here in the relationship to where we are right now now if I. If I didn't have you continue support.

Yeah, thank you for sharing that. Because I think I don't want the ladies to think, oh, my God, this girl is arguing with her man already. This isn't about arguments per se. This is about things that are coming up within that we have to clear up. So now we're not bringing that sort of energy into the relationship so that there's disconnection that happens. And that is going to happen for any relationship that you have, even in the honeymoon stage, that a lot of its stuff is going to come up Am I worthy of this relationship? Does he like me? Do I really like him? Is this it? Right? All of these different things come up and intensify on your end, but also on his end. And so I thought it would be important for you to kind of share that, because I think it's important that people know that, yes, this program is about dating, but we're also going to support you in the relationship as well. Right? Awesome. Talk to me about what are some of the top things that. Some of the top changes that you made in the program or, like, the top things that you've learned while in the program?

I think if I had to choose, I would say one, it's boundaries. And, you know, we've talked about this over the course of the program where I didn't realize how important boundaries were. You know, you hear it, you think, okay, I, you know, I know what I want. But when you think about this is, this is my boundary for this, right? So that's it. There's no compromise on that. This is my boundary. And not just that, but I have the rights, which I think is, again, part of my background. I have the right to state them, and I have the right to stand on them. It's not being selfish. It's not being rude. It's not being anything. It's my right to say, I don't want this or I want this, and articulate that to others so that they know. And what I learned is that people can't read your mind, right? And so having your boundaries and stating that, which was very interesting to go back to, my guy would ask me, you know, I need to understand what's okay with you, right? So he would ask me, what is your. Where are you on this situation? So you would ask me what my boundary is. And when I tell you, stay inside the box, because I'm. I'm very clear, right? So the clearer you could be any. In any relationship, the better that relationship will be. So that was first for me because that applied, like we said, the first thing with the Thanksgiving dinner. So I applied that with my family. I applied that at work. There's a lot of work that you and I did around me setting boundaries at work, because I work a lot, and so I applied that there, and then I applied this in this relationship. So to me, boundaries is the first thing. It's super important. Second was being vulnerable. I always thought that I'm, you know, I'm pretty direct, and I am direct with my thoughts, but not open with my feelings. And so coming into this program, again, doing the hard work. You have to, like, take a look in the mirror, right? And you would always clock me like, yeah, no, no, no, girl, you can't. You can't.

You can't.

You can't get by with that. You're not talking about how you feel. And that's very true. And so I've learned that not just stating what my boundary is, but also making sure people understand why that's important to me.

Right.

So if I say, I don't want you to do this, it's not enough to say, I don't want you to do this. You should state, I don't want you to do this. And this is why. And this is how it makes me feel when you do this versus when you do that. And having that conversation again. You know, we talk about feminine energy and just be. All of that came into play. And I didn't. I didn't realize I was. Had a very masculine energy, because I'm going to tell you what it is, and that's it. But talking about my feelings actually makes me feel good because I get to share that. So I think for me, those two things is kind of foundational, you know, to everything else that came. And again, not just for my guy, but for all walks of life. And I kind of think about that every day when I'm in conversations with people. Boundaries and vulnerability were key for me.

Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Awesome. And I will say this because. And I'm glad that you pointed those out, because I think you've done an extraordinary job just rocking those things out, but it has allowed you to connect with a man that is also emotionally available, sensitive, and has capacity. When you tell me some of the things that he's saying to you, girl, I'm like, this mopo is trying to take my gig. What is really going on? Girl, he is. He's clocks it, girl. He clocks it. And I live. I live for an emotionally available man. And I'm so happy that you are with him. And you are able to experience kind of the safety that a relationship can really have.

Yes, yes. And, you know, we talk about safety. I have to say, I would always say to you because, you know, we've had sessions where, you know, I'm emotional, and I start going like, oh, my God, right? And I get emotional. And I'm always thanking you for being a safe space. And I remember probably the second month into relationship, and you said, you know, I'm always going to be here for you as your safe space, but I need you to consider him as your safe space and share these things with him. And that really helped me as well, to be like, you're right. Like, this has to be my safe person. And I need to. The same way I'm open with you, be open with him. And so it's changed again, everything. Because he's emotionally available, which I haven't experienced on that level. Right. So it's been. It's been great. It's been great.

Amazing. One thing that I wanted to mention that we haven't already, that I think is very unique and interesting in terms of your journey, and I think a lot of listeners will resonate is that.

For about 10 years, you were really focused on your spiritual healing journey. And I think that that affected, you know, the way that we were thinking about D. So I wanted to kind of just talk a little bit about that if you feel comfortable doing so, because we had to do a lot of work, right, to find kind of a balance between how do I stay kind of my true self that is maybe fun and out there, and while also balancing, you know, this more religious, spiritual side. So can you talk a little bit about that?

You're absolutely right, Anwar. I was on that journey for some time, and I did not date. And I was really connecting to. To my spirituality and my relationship with, you know, what I believe in. And coming into the dating world and, you know, having feelings which are normal was. Was tough, right? I'm like, should I do this? Is this, you know, should I? We had conversations to be a little bit personal about kissing. You know, when do I kiss and what does that mean? And, you know, little things like that. That doesn't seem like a big deal for some, but for me, I, you know, felt there was two sides of me, right? The one that really wanted to be. Be flirty, very flirty, very painful. Because that is kind of my personality. And I stifled that for so long, not wanting to come off kind of as a sexual being, which is kind of ridiculous, right, When I say it out loud. So I struggled with that. And so, you know, you're, again, part of the program. Being in that energy, you know, was everything. I was so closed off because I did not want that part of me to shine through, thinking that it would somehow conflict with my religious beliefs and my spiritual beliefs. And so it was, again, you kind of breaking that down. Like, let's talk about that. And what does that mean? And who are you really? And those two things can coexist, right?

You.

You can still be your authentic self while still Believing in what you believe. And it gave me permission, honestly, which I hadn't had in a long time. Again, it's. It's the thought in your own mind that prevents you. No one is saying you don't have permission, but you don't give yourself permission because you feel that it should look this way. And you were like, who cares how it looks, right? What do you feel? And you need to be your authentic self. And what is that exactly? And so you would encourage me to be in that authentic energy. And it was everything because. Because of that. The dating, the flirting, the conversing, the being open, saying what's on my mind, not feeling judged by myself really showed that no one was judging me except me. And I can be myself. I have to be myself. There's no other way to show up in any relationship. And it even impacted my friendship because I had friendships that I wasn't being in my authentic self either. And so just being my authentic self, having those two things coexist and understanding that it's going to look like it looks like for you and what's real and comfortable for you is most important. Not what society says, not what anyone else says, but really searching within yourself and be your authentic self. And then, you know, add those other things on your boundaries and all of that. And just one more thing. You've stated to me over and over again that your boundary is what protects you, right? Not all these other things. And so it was my boundary that protected me. And I was still able to be as open and flirtatious as I wanted to be, but I had my boundaries around that.

So, yeah. Amazing. I thought that this is such an important conversation because I know I have a lot of Christian girls out there that are trying to find themselves in their dating identity. And I just think it's important whether you join my program or not, that you get to embody all of it. And actually, like, it's important for you to do so so that you won't lean into the bad boys because you kind of want to be, quote, unquote bad, that actually you can just inhabit that within yourself and just find the person that is for you ultimately. Right? Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. All right, lady Dreya, it's been a pleasure having you here. What would you say to anyone thinking about kind of doing the get yout Guide program or working with me or also Coach Shoya? Any last kind of parting words around that?

I would say, and Coach Shoya is great, by the way, and I've had many conversations with her. As well. I would say that part of my hesitation was because of my age. Right. You know, you think that, well, you know, you're over 50. Is this something you should be doing? You should have had it figured out by now. And, you know, you see a lot of these things on social media or elsewhere. It's really geared towards younger people or it's geared towards a certain type of person. And for me, with this program, because you focus on, you know, of course, you have all types of people in the program, but I love the focus on people of color like myself, because, you know, some of that is unique. And so we get to have those conversations that dive into those specific issues. Also, with the age, I never felt that this program wasn't for me initially. I thought, I don't know, you know, people my age in the program. There are people my age and older.

Good. 20, 25%. I think the oldest woman that we have in the program is in her 70s, early 70s, so.

So we have all walks of life in this program, and it brings such a unique perspective because those of us who've had a little bit more experience can kind of, you know, again, it's a community, right. We all support each other, talk to each other, you know, on the sites and things like that. And so you get a little wisdom from those of us who are a little bit more experienced, and we learn from others as well. So I think if anyone is hesitant, it's probably around, you know, some of those things. I would say it's worth it. It's worth the time, it's worth the money, it's worth the energy. It's. It will literally to me. And I'm not being overly complimentary because I'm sitting here with Coach Animal. Right. But it changed my life, to be honest, not just for relationships, but just my generally. And so it's worth it. It's worth the consultation. Just the consultation alone, I think will. Will show why it's worth it. So I don't think you have anything to lose by, you know, having a consultation. If you're hesitant about it, the only way you're going to know is to do it and then make the decision to do the work. Because it's worth it. It's worth it.

Awesome. Well, thank you so much for sharing your journey and your truth and with. When it comes to the program, I. I'm honored to have worked with you and to continue to work with you. I am honored to have you on this podcast, and I just thank you from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate you.

Thank you, Coach. I can't thank you enough, honestly. Thank you, Coach.

You're so welcome. All right, ladies, you heard it here from Drea first and you heard it from me as well. If you are interested, definitely book a call and we'll see if it's a good fit. No pressure. With that said, I hope that this was an informative session for you and I want to wish you a great week ahead. All right, Bye now.

Hey girl. Thank you so much for listening to the get your guy coaching podcast us. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com. apply or subscribe and leave me a review wherever you listen to your podcast. Talk soon.