Eat, Pray, Shoot with Damaly Shepherd

Hey, girl.

Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you.

Can just call me your own personal.

Dating and relationship coach.

Each week, you'll hear actionable advice, tips.

And strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can.

You guessed it. Get your guy.

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I never felt the way I do without anyone but you.

Hey, girl. So in today's episode, I'm speaking with Damali shepherd, photographer extraordinaire. Now, Damali specializes in creating custom portrait experiences for black and women of color that, you know, really showcases their beauty and tells their unique stories. In this episode, we talk about her own journey to finding her own acceptance through photography. We also discussed everything that you wanted to know about dating app pictures, as well as getting specific photography secrets and tips that only the pros know that will really help level up your picks, regardless of shape, color, or your mindset. Now, if you stay until the end when you we even discuss how she got her guy. Without further ado, I give you my interview with the lovely Tamale Shepherd.

So thank you so much for being here with us today. I super appreciate you, and I'm so glad that you're here. Can you just kind of give everybody a sense of how you've become the amazing photographer that you are today?

Such a good question, and thank you for having me. I'm so excited for this conversation. So I like to say that photography found me a few years ago. I was hitting my 30th birthday, right? So I was at that. That kind of big milestone where you start to reevaluate your entire life and where you are and what you're doing. And that evaluation kind of made me realize that I was really unhappy in, like, the very corporate gig that I had acquired over time.

Oh, my God, girl. Yes.

Yeah. Even though there was, like, so much to be proud of there, right? Like, in terms of, like, you know, doing okay for myself, I was just not doing the creative kind of things that I thought that I would be doing in college. I went to school for comm arts and TV and radio, and I wasn't doing any of that in HR at the role that I was doing. So I had the opportunity to go on a vacation to Bali with my partner Mark, and that was the vacation that was kind of like, oh, okay. I think I really want to start exploring other avenues of creativity. I had this camera the two Just came together and clicked. And that's where I just decided to like start taking classes and I got really interested in figuring it out. And it's also where I, you know, realized some of my own uncomfortability with being on camera. Because I hated the experience of being on camera.

Like so many of us do.

Yeah, like so many of us do. And I didn't realize it until I was forcing myself to. So I was thinking that, you know, you go to Bali and you just magically come home with cute ass Instagram photos.

Yeah.

No, that's not what happened. Like, that just.

That wasn't it, girl.

What happened? What happened? Tell me about what pictures were you giving at Bali, girl? And how did it kind of transform?

Listen, so at Bali I was giving, like tight, really afraid maybe like looking away from the camera. Just so uncomfortable in my skin and my body and where I was. And it didn't matter who was taking the photo even, you know, I'm there with my partner of like years and years and years. And you would think that that would mean that he would be able to like, help me do it well and I get something better with him. But it had nothing to do with him, my uncomfortability with myself. So I. And I didn't realize that until this experience in Bali. Like realizing that, like, oh, I have a hard time looking at myself, right? Like, I don't necessarily like the way that I look all the time. And so that was like that moment where I was like, oh, is this just me? Like, am I, Is it just me or what else is going on? So I came back home and I started to photograph the other women in my life, my sisters, everything else. And guess what? It was the same kind of pain. Like you could literally see that they were experiencing that like really uncomfortableness in front of the camera. And from there I guess I decided that like, I want to fix it. Can I fix it in other people? And I could, right? Like, I found a mentor who focuses on that, like on making your subjects feel comfortable and helping them to relax on camera. And I really like embedded that into the work that I do. And also through that work, I was able to help myself get comfortable on camera and figure it out for me too. So my photography story is also like a self love, love myself journey too, because it is how I found myself. Like photography is how I found myself. And now a few years later, I feel just so much more self assured and comfortable in my own skin and beautiful. And that's something that you would have Heard be say a few years ago.

It sounds like an Eat Pray shoot situation.

Girl, I'm gonna trademark that. Yeah, actually kinda. Yes. And I didn't know that at the time, but this year, looking back at my story and, like, you know, pinpointing how it all came together, it's like, wow, this was the journey to me, you know? So, yeah, it is kind of like that.

Now you're based in New York, right? So talk to me about who you work with specifically so I can get a sen. Because I feel like we work with very similar kinds of women clients and all of that. So talk to me about kind of who you work for or work with.

Yes, absolutely. So I love to work especially with black and women of color who are entrepreneurs, bosses, professionals. Like, that is some of it's my favorite demographic because it is this whole moment of, like, power and beauty all wrapped. It's like the masculine and feminine all wrapped up into, like, one really fun photo shoot. And this year, I've also deniched a little bit, so it's less about, like, one particular client and more about the kind of stories that I want to tell. So I'm very much like, hey, let's chat about you and where you are and what you want to do. And if we vibe, if there's a story here that we both feel, you know, that you trust that I understand to tell and that I would love to tell, then I'm like, that's just super fun, a fun way for me to work as well. And also, let's just love to work with all women in general, women who have a really awesome story. And that is honestly a lot of us, right?

It's most of us, yeah, definitely. So let's talk about. What do you think is, like, the common misconception about kind of getting one's pictures done professionally? Because sometimes I will tell you the truth, I'll be talking to my clients or people that come to me for help, and they're like, I don't really know. And they give me a lot of different excuses or whatever. So what do you hear? And then what do you have to say to those people that are giving you either excuses or misconceptions about, like, professional photography?

I think that people are used to photoshoots being either for a special type of person, which I don't really know what that means anymore because I'm just like, everyone is worthy of a great photo shoot. But I think that we kind of get caught up in, like, thinking that a photo shoot sounds official and it, like, gives us this picture in our mind, which can be anything from, like, a really boring headshot to, you know, there's just so many different ranges of the kind of photo shoots that you can see out there. So I think that sometimes folks hear photo shoot and they think boring and stiff, right? And, like, tight, and it's like, well, no, I kind of want to, like, do me or be me or, like, I want candids. Right. And it's like, well, I think the misconception is that at least with my bit, with my photography business, like, my shoots will only ever reflect my subjects. Right. It's like, every single shoot that I do is tailored to my client. You're never going to get a photo that looks like anyone else. Like, I'm. My process is specifically set up to make sure that we are accentuating and sharing the values that each client shares and loves about themselves. So I think photo shoots can sound cookie cutter in the same. And it doesn't have to be that. And there are so many other photographers who offer a similar experience, and it's just finding the ones who do do that, who are interested in you and showcasing you genuinely as you are.

Yeah, I think that's so awesome. Okay, so when you said candid, does that just mean, like, get my picture in real life or what does that mean? Girl, you have to give me, like, you know, layman's terms, girl.

People are like, you know, some folks are just like, you know, I just like selfies because it feels more natural. Right. It's like sometimes people think that a photo shoot will make people think that they are trying too hard. Right? And what's the problem with that?

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Or trying to.

Right?

Or trying in general. Right? And it's like, no, it doesn't have to be that at all. It's just like you looking for a fun way to express it. Listen, having photos that you like is important, so I think that should always be the priority.

Yeah, definitely. You talked a little bit about kind of selfies, so let's talk about that, because that is, like, I guess the number one thing that people are doing these days. So do you have any tips on, like, how to really, like, represent in, like, the best, most perfect selfie?

Yes.

Okay, tell me everything.

Okay, so for selfies, I think perfect is an interesting word, right? Because perfect is gonna.

Girl, call me out, read me for Phil.

Is gonna be different for everyone. Yeah. I like to throw perfection away a little bit when it comes to my selfies and my shots, because we're Imperfect beings. Like, I want to be perfectly you, not perfect. Right. So I love that little reframe. When it comes to your selfies, I think one of the first steps that you can take to getting selfies that you always like is to practice, like, you know, it really is that simple. Like, Kim Kardashian didn't wake up and become a selfie queen. She took lots and lots of photos on her phone and doing the same thing. So it's as simple as getting in your mirror and figuring out the kind of angles that you like. For me, that's a little tilt to the right.

Okay.

I like portions better. Right. And it's like knowing what you like about yourself so that when you're out in those situations where maybe it's a group shot or whatever, you already kind of know. You already kind of know what to do, and it just helps enhance all of it. Also, good lighting can make or break any photo. Like, it just doesn't matter. A lot of the times you think that you look busted, but it's not you, girl. It's the lighting. Okay? So. So find a window, find a light source. One quick, easy tip that I love to tell all of my clients is to turn your camera on your cell phone and then walk around in a circle and watch the way that the light changes around your face. You will find the light, and that is where you want it to be so that you look the best. So I think that is like, yeah, that's wonderful, girl.

Give us all the tips, girl. Because we, we on this podcast have watched all of America's Next Model, and so we feel like we know the tips, but we need to know the real tips.

Yeah, it's like you can use your hand or your phone either way, and it just helps show you where the light is and where you're gonna look the best. Okay? So for women, we need really nice front facing flat light in order to better accentuate our features. And it's always a great place to start. So lighting is paramount. Get yourself in good light first before you do anything else. Know your angles is another great one.

So how do we figure out what our angles are?

Yeah, I think that's that mirror work, right? It's like you can either do it with your phone or get in the mirror, but you might actually have to take some time and look at yourself, right? And say, okay. And this is something that I've done, so don't feel silly or whatever it may be. Like, I have done this. I've stood in the mirror And I've played around with my face or my body and my posing and. And now I know how I like to see myself. And I don't think there. You know, also working with a great photographer can be another way to up level that real quick, to like, skip over the work of having to do it all yourself. But if you don't have that, just get into the mirror and move your head from left to right, tilt it up, tilt it down, and just watch your face and see what you like the best. I think it's a really, really great way to get to know yourself and your angles.

Yeah, it sounds like. Especially for. I'm just thinking about my listeners here, like, when you're getting ready for work, right? That's like a small little opportunity where they can just kind of work it out and just figure out what those angles are. And the lighting, it also, like, when they're right about to go out, they can potentially do that practice as well.

I think when you're starting out, it's best to look for spaces that have flatter backgrounds that aren't as busy so that you can like, figure out what it is that you still like. If you're coming from a place of not knowing, this is like, for my ladies who are kind of like where I started, and you're not super used to looking at yourself or you're in the mindset of like, I don't really like the way that I look on camera. That is really, is all from a place of lack of understanding and practice. So it's like the more you do a thing, the more you strengthen that muscle, the better that you become. I do find, though, that it's for some of us, like, we are all tech savvy and we have phones, and it's like the easiest thing to do. So we're all taking selfies all the time. Like, really all the time. So a lot of my clients are pros when it comes to getting their own photos too.

Yeah, yeah, got it. So talk to me a little bit about kind of what you see your clients or women struggling with the most as it pertains to really kind of accepting themselves in these pictures. I know you talked a little bit about your transformational trip to Bali, right? So what did that look like for you? And then what do you see kind of a lot of women struggling with as it pertains to that?

I think the thing that women struggle the most with is seeing themselves from a different kind of angle. So because we are now we're like a Selfie generation, where we're used to taking photos of ourselves in that light. It can be different when you are doing a professional photo shoot where you're not holding a car. Like, angles are different. There's so many things that are different about that experience. And so you can have a situation where, like, that seeing yourself in those professional photos can be really jarring because you're just not used to seeing yourself like that. I think the best way around that is, for me, like, mindset is super important for any photo shoot. So I'm all about setting intentions from the second we talk on the phone to the time that we're done and setting an intention to relax, to not hold on so tightly to yourself, to observe the negative voice in your head, because we all have it. There's going to be a. That says, like, there's. There's. It's gonna happen. Right. To say that it's not gonna happen is bull. That is going to happen. But you really want to try to bring yourself to a place of love, to a place of grace and acceptance and, you know, treating yourself like you would a friend. Because sometimes we are nicer to our.

Friends than we are most times, right?

Yeah.

Unfortunately.

I want to help all of my clients get to a place where they can look at a photo of themselves and start with what they like before what they don't like. Because what I observe the most is what I hate the most. I look fat. I look this. Oh, my God, my eyes are so squinty. Or, you know, like, there's always, like, that pick, pick, pick, pick, pick. That can happen. There are photos, and I try to curve them away from it because it's not helpful. It only makes you feel more tense and lock up on yourself.

It's actually really interesting that you talk about kind of mindset and thinking about that, because that's the exact same thing that I talk about when I. When I'm speaking with my clients about dating. Right. It's about understanding who is that, like, diamond self. Right. And sometimes I tell my clients to name her. Right. Are you luscious lioness, like Lonnie? Right. Are you? I want you to have a certain idea in your mind and understand who she is. And I think of, like, the best moment, that you were just living your best life, that you were killing it. Right. That you felt, like, your most happiest self. And, like, just embody that for, like, a hot second. Right? And then multiply that times 10, and then name her, and then that's who you're going to be on this date. Right. And it sounds like it's a similar process for like photography as well.

Oh, my God. Yeah, absolutely. It's like stepping into that and it, you know, if it's an alter ego, so let it be. But it can also just be you time setting exactly like you said. So I love that concept in the way that you framed it.

It's great.

Yeah.

Oh, my God, that's so awesome. So we talked a little bit about this and you talked a little bit about kind of how we all have insecurities. How do you feel like we can get past some of those when it comes to photography and pictures being taken of us?

Yeah, I love this question. It's something that I feel just super passionate about helping with because it's something that I went through myself and I. That like, we all need to kind of start by getting real with the way that we feel about ourselves. So my get real moment was going to Bali and realizing that I really struggle with looking at myself. Like, that's when I was like, oh, damali, you avoid yourself in the mirror. Like, you don't actually look at yourself. You know what I'm saying? Like, you don't really do those things. And so for me, my work then became, well, how am I going to get comfortable with myself? And for me, that was starting to journal, starting to talk to my coach about it, right? And do lots of personal development work, affirmations, animations, mirror work. It is really simply you looking at yourself in the mirror. And this can be like silent with nothing for. Let's put 60 seconds on timer and just look at yourself, right? And observe what it is that you hear, what it is that you see, what is it you're gravitating to. You can up level that to saying an affirmation with it. So it can be as simple as I love myself or. One of my favorites is from Louise Hayes, her book you can heal your life and and her. One of my favorites from that book is I deeply and completely love and accept myself. So for me, that was standing in the mirror, looking at myself, looking at my face, looking at my body, looking at my tummy, looking at all the things and saying, damali, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. And this is all super woo. I know, but no, it's not woo at all.

I think people are now down with the cause. Right. So I think that they all like, really understand, like this app, these things are actually very effective.

And like, yeah.

So I want to make sure, like, we're not going to minimize that at all. Like, it works. So that's why we're talking about it.

It works. It works. And that's what we're talking. And it's like giving yourself a chance. It will feel weird, it will feel funny at first, but if you give yourself a chance to absorb in that message, things can change.

Can we also do messages that are like, not so, like, high up and just be like, can we say things in the mirror? Like, oh, like I'm hot shit.

Love that. Yes, yes, absolutely.

I'm everything, right? Like everything.

Yes, yes.

Good, good. Okay, good. Because I'm like, those things sound good, but like, that's not me. Like, I, like, I have to make it me, you know?

I love. Yeah, I love that. I love that. See, I wouldn't phrase it that way, but I love that. I think putting whatever spin that is to make it you is the most important thing for everything.

Yeah. So mirror work. I just want to hold on to this for a second.

Okay.

Does this mean, like, am I just like looking at a mirror in the bathroom? Am I looking at a full length mirror? Am I, Are my clothes on? Are my clothes off? Girl, give me, give me ideas here. I want my, my listeners to be able to be like, I heard this. I'm going to try this tonight.

Yeah, I think. Okay, so for me, I would have clothes on and I would be in my bathroom mirror. Sorry, tiny New York apartment over here. So full length, I don't know about that, but I would be in my, in my little bathroom mirror and I would back up so that I could see myself. And honestly, the most important part of it is kind of like the gaze back into your own eyes and just observing yourself, right? So it's like standing in your mirror and looking at yourself for a few minutes out of the day and not even. Sometimes you can just be for 60 seconds. Like, it doesn't even have to be super duper long, but it is such an interesting, like when you do it, you're gonna hear the way that your brain is thinking about you and it's just, it just opens up whole new levels.

Yeah, totally. What I know about that voice is that it actually, for the most part, doesn't really belong to us. It belongs to someone else that told us exactly how to think when we were children, right? And that could be an aunt, right? Our parents, our siblings, our best friends, that uncle at the family reunion that said, oh, girl, you're too chunky to be in that photo. Right? Or put that shirt down or whatever it may be, right? So I know. I just want to remind my listeners that that voice is really not yours, right? And so if it's not yours, we shouldn't really be listening to it. It's someone else's. And it's important to figure out whose voice that is so we can disassociate from it.

Yes. And I love. And that's why I say observe the voice, right? Because I think they say, like, we're the only mammal on the being where, like, we have, like, these two parts of our brain where we can hear our thoughts, right? So it's like hearing the thought of, like, well, what am I thinking to myself? And then saying, is this mine? Do I want this? Is this what I want for myself? And a good follow up to that can be journaling about it, right? It's like, if you felt. If you feel a strength to, like, rejecting your thighs or your stomach or whatever, like, write about that, right? This is where we find the stories of exactly what you were talking about, Anwar. Like, who. Who taught me that? Why don't I like my legs? What about this is triggering some other type of thing that might have happened in my past? So I think, yeah, it's such, like, a good basis because you're now going to understand the things you don't like and then find the roots behind it. And if you can dig them, dig them. Bamas up and get rid of them.

You know, get rid of them or learn how to deal with them. Because I don't think that they're. I don't think they're ever really going to go away, really. Some of them may. Right? Some of them that you're like, oh, my God, this is so foolish. Like, I can't even believe it, Right. Other ones, there's going to be like, this hint of, like, belief, right? But you have to realize how to deal with it and realize that it doesn't necessarily or it doesn't have to affect you in that moment. Right?

Yeah.

Okay. Awesome. I want to talk about black women, girl. Because I think that. And I'm going to say we.

We have different needs when it comes to photography. So can you just talk a little bit about specific advice that you have for black women, specifically when it comes to kind of just taking pictures and taking amazing pictures at that.

Yes, absolutely. I think on the selfie front, just again, staying aware of your lighting is super important for us as Black women. Lighting makes everything. It's like the weird thing about, like.

When you're watching television now, and you're watching shows like Insecure and all these amazing black shows that are featuring black people. And you're like, this is beautiful. It is because they are lighting for black people in a way that, like, we haven't seen done in a really, really long time, if ever. So there are so many things that are specific to black women. And when it comes to a photo shoot, I think it's important to make sure when you're choosing a photographer that they are someone who knows us and what you want and what you're dealing with. What you're dealing with. Because I've had lots of black clients come and say, damali, you're the first person to capture my skin tone.

Right.

And I'm like, why? Why is that?

Right.

But they've been dis. Some folks will wash them out and make them look lighter. None of that here.

We're not doing your ma'. Am.

Yeah. So making sure that you're finding a photographer who understands our specific needs. I'm the kind of photographer who we also offer, like, hair and makeup, and I work with a black team because, like, you don't have to worry about that when you come to me. My makeup artist knows and understands that foundation that's not gonna make you look crazy. And our hair as well. So I think the prep work for us, you know, we always have to do a little extra because we're black and because the default is to do other things. So finding folks who understand how to light you, specifically how to do your hair and makeup properly so that you're looking amazing is all a part of just getting nailing that special look that you're looking for. So doing that research beforehand is really, really gonna help you in the end with results that you don't hate.

Yeah. Awesome. Awesome, awesome. So now I wanna shift a little bit toward dating pictures, girl. Because a lot of the women that I work with, and as you know, I'm always a big proponent of online dating, which means that the pictures have to be legit because that's what people are looking at first, and they have to be good and representative of who you are. So what are your thoughts on dating app and website pictures?

I think, and it's very interesting because I've done a few dating photo shoots in the last few weeks, which has been really, really fun. I think that it's important to show a variety. And I feel this way about all kind of photos. Right. I feel like when you look on my social media, you're going to see photos of me. In a professional studio, but you're also gonna see me in a selfie and me doing me too. And I think it's important to have, like, a rounded view of the different ways that we look. Right. Because I change all the time, and that's okay. And so that's kind of how I feel about dating photos. If you can have, like, a variety of, like, a bomb studio photo shoot to, like, a really, really cute selfie, I think it's all super representative of who you are, and it helps give that wide range because it's all, like, with dating, you have a few seconds, right? And they're gonna look through it super duper quickly. And you want to make sure that they get you in those photos. And I feel like the best way to do that just give a few more options than just one. One photo.

No, definitely, definitely agree. I always tell my clients, like.

I want them to be a mix of, like, professional and then ones that either you take or your friends take, Right. So that people get to see a good variety of, like, who you are. I also say that those pictures should look, like, natural, like, what your everyday life looks like. So if you love tennis, then, girl, I should see a picture of you playing tennis or hanging out with your tennis players or friends or whatever it may be. If you're a professional woman, I want to see you interacting and being professional. Right. Like, the way that I think about it is that, like, these pictures should represent what your life looks like so the person that is viewing them can envision a life with you and see if they would be in that picture with you or not. Right. So making sure that there is, like, some formality and then some informality. Even if it's like a picture of you on the couch watching a movie and you, like, taking a cute little hey over the shoulder, you already know.

I know. I feel like our processes are so similar in what we tell our clients, because I, like. I do. It's like, literally talking through your hobbies and your favorite things to do. And if we can, let's go capture that. Like, let's go capture that, because that's where you feel the most comfortable. That's where you're already doing you. That's where you don't have to be anybody else. You know what I'm saying? And that's really important for me in the photos that we take together. So you are just. Yeah, you're killing it.

This is why I tell my clients, you need to talk to her. You need to get your pictures done by Her. Because I know that we have similar processes in this. Okay, awesome. So talk to me about. I think sometimes my clients have a hard time being sexy on camera. And so I wanted to get your thoughts on how can someone exude that, right. If they're not used to doing that, like, on an everyday basis without it looking like Eartha Kitt, like, crazy sexy or, like, you know, Grace Jones boomerang crazy. Right. And so, like, making it, like, more natural. So, like, what sort of things would you say, like, if I were having issues with being sexual on camera, like, how can I get out of my shell to kind of exude that?

Oh, I love this question. And I think you can apply this advice to any mood that you're hoping to acquire, whether it be sexy or fun or happy or just looking good on camera. Set the scene. It's like, you know, as women, we need, like, foreplay. We need.

Yes, girl. So there's photography foreplay, too.

There is photography foreplay. Okay.

Okay.

Make yourself ready, right? If you want. If you know you're trying to do something a little bit sexy, then set a mood. Make a playlist of them songs that, like, get you in the groove.

Okay.

90S R&B, girl.

Put on the 90s R&B. Get it going. You know, I think also it should always start with, like, a good basis for, like, what are you wearing? And what is your. What's your makeup like or your face like? And this doesn't mean that there is a specific way for you to do sexy, but if you're gonna be on camera, you need to be in a place where you like the way that you look, right? So if that means putting on a little makeup, do that. If you're comfortable with your bare face, I usually am. That's fine too. Like, you get to define that for yourself, but, like, making sure before you put a camera up that you're like, I'm feeling myself. I'm in a really great outfit or whatever it is.

And just FYI, listeners, you can't see Damali right now, but she is. Is moving her shoulders and she is giving me full life when she is feeling herself, honey. And I love and I live.

Yes, I am. Yeah. So, like, doing all of those little pre steps first is they're gonna help you start at a 50% line versus you being at a zero of just being like. So when you get on camera, right, and you're playing music that you're vibing to and you know that you look cute, then you can just, like. Then I Would suggest trying to figure out a pose that you like. This is gonna take some practice because it's difficult if maybe, you know, if you're having someone take photos of you, that is great because they can help guide you a little bit. And if you're by yourself and you do with your autoresponder, too, then just play around. I say dance a little bit. It's always, like, for sexy. It's always about, like, a little bit of touch. So whether you're running your hands against, like, your forearms or across your collarbone or your leg, like, whatever that may be. Right. It's like moving and not being so static. And I'd say this for any type of photo. If we were doing happy and joyous. Let's dance, let's shake, let's do a spin, let's do a twirl. Right?

Okay. I love that.

Yeah. That's my advice.

Some of us might do a split, but just saying. Just saying.

But, yeah. Set the scene. Set the scene first before you just try to, like, ram right into it. Yes.

Okay. Foreplay, represent, dance, move, touch, right? And figure out what works for you. I love that. I really love that.

And you know what? The last and, like, most important step, throw judgment out of it. Right? It's okay to take photos that you don't like that's gonna happen. We are human. Like, it's okay to take a bad photo. Takes a look at the photo and say, ugh. But not to, like. I want you to have been like, okay, Actually, I don't think I like the arm hair. So let me try it again this way. Right. And it's like the attitude of moving through those photos, we don't. Like, that's how you're going to get to the good ones.

When you were just describing the way that you're looking at the photos, it was really interesting because you were talking about it as a boss, Right. And, like, not like, something's wrong with me. Right. There's something that is, like, not going on in this particular photo. So let's isolate that and then make it work. Right. Whether it's like, my wonky right eye, that's, like, a little bit bigger, I can do it again in a way that's maybe a little bit more sultry or whatever it may be.

Yes. Yeah. And that attitude helps it keep. Like, it'll keep you going. Right. When you. When we do the opposite, when we're critical of ourselves, you're shutting yourself down from the entire experience, and it's going to be hard for you to catch up to it, there's just no good way to do it. That's way. So if we can just give ourselves a little bit more grace and love and just be real, say, okay, I wasn't feeling that one. Let's take a few more. Like, staying positive about it. That's how you get to the good stuff. That's how you get to the one that you're like, damn, that's amazing.

And what if I have a big booty girl? Like, what can I do?

No, I'm kidding.

Or not necessarily. Like, it's a bad thing, but maybe, like, how can we play with different things to kind of change it up? Because here's the thing, right? If we have certain features, right. That stand out among themselves for some pictures, we might not want to do that. Like, I'm telling a lot of my clients, like, girl, I don't want all your boobs out there like that. I don't want these men seeing your booty and thinking, oh, she's that girl. Right. I'm going to ask her for another picture. Right? So I want to understand, like, how can we make it so that these assets, these beautiful, amazing assets that we have are working for us versus against us?

I think that's a really great question. I think one of the photography rules is that what is closer to the camera is going to appear larger, and what is further away from the camera is going to be smaller. So if you want to minimize something, you want to throw it to the back and just to, like, just throw it a little bit to the back. So one way to do that with the booty would be to, like, angle. Put yourself on an angle where one foot is in front of the other, so you're at a slant. And then shift your weight onto the back hip so you're pushing your butt behind you, right. And you're at a slant. And it's gonna help make it a lot more sleeker and slim than if you were, say, frontal. Right. Where we're gonna see that entire beautiful curfew, different kind of look. Yeah. So that's one way to, like, help turn the attention away from it. If you want something to be less visible on camera, we ship it to the back as much as we can. So the same thing with our boobs. We were pushing our boobs backwards so that they're not so camera facing forward. It's the same kind of principle with your booty as well.

Very cool.

Very cool.

Okay. So, girl, for those women and some men out there, that are interested in getting in contact with you. Where can they find you?

Absolutely. The easiest place is on my website. So it is www.DamalShepherd. that is D A M A L Y Shepherd. Like it's SpelledInBooks.com. and that's the easiest place to find me. And you can also find me on Instagram Amalysh as well. So.

Yeah, I love that. And we'll put all of that in the show notes.

So.

Girl, don't worry about that. I am so happy that you were here before. Before you go, I have to ask. I ask all of my guests. So how did you get your guy and girl, give us all the deets. Girl, I don't care. I want to know. And so let us know. Girl.

Okay, okay. So I've been in a relationship for about 11 years now.

Congratulations.

Thank you. So I feel like I gotta. I gotta call on my old brain to like, think about the origin story. Okay. So the origin.

Oh, girl, don't act brand new. Girl, I already know that you know this origin story.

It's funny because if you were to ask him, he has a different version of the story.

Of course, they always.

They always do. So we met at work. I was a cashier at a pharmacy and he was the manager. And at the time we met, we were both dating other people, but they were both not amazing relationships.

So we, like, we were just friends for a really long time and then ended up breaking apart from our significant others. And.

So when you say friends, you guys were like those. The work friends. Like work husband, work wife situation.

Yeah, it was like, I like you, but not weren't really sure about each other.

Okay.

I didn't know if he was serious. I didn't know. Yeah. Also, I was very young, so I was like 20ish at the time. So I was just like, oh, I don't know. He's just like another guy trying to talk crap and do his thing. And I don't know if he actually cares about me or what it is. But it's funny because one of our first conversations, he was like, I feel like this is the kind of thing where, you know, a few years from now we'll just be hanging out on a couch watching movies together. And I was like, that is some game.

Did you fall for it though, girl?

A little bit.

Okay, okay, let's keep it real.

I was like, that is so sweet. And also, if you're lying, you're the devil.

Right? Exactly.

That's how I felt about it. But he was right. Like literally, that is us on the couch watching tv, sharing our lives together. It is super funny. So it just took a lot of like cat and mouse. Like, timing was always right, you know, during the time we both lost family members and like a lot of life happening. I was finishing school and the likes. And then there just came a time where it was like, I don't want to do this with anyone else and I don't care what else is going on. Why don't we just figure it out together? And we've been inseparable ever since.

So that is how I love that. I love that. And you know what I love about it? Because I think that people have this idea about how it should look or how it should go. And it comes in a variety of different ways, right? Sometimes it takes a little bit longer, sometimes it's more immediate. Right. And sometimes, like you said, the timing isn't right. Like for my partner, we met in 2011, but we didn't really get back together in a significant way until 2014. So to your point, right, like, that happens. So I love to kind of hear these stories from my guest.

Yeah, super messy. Like, there's like, you're human. I'm also young, right? Like, I'm like 20ish. I don't even know how to like break up with someone properly, which is what happened. Like, just messy and not really understanding how to deal with people in the correct way yet. Not having those skills yet. So it's really cool that above all of that, we were still able to like, see past each other's flaws and figure out a way to like, be together in a long term manner that works, that fits.

So yeah, yeah, fits. Love that.

Exactly.

Awesome. Damali, thank you so much for being with me and just sharing your wisdom and all this amazing tea that you were giving me and my listeners today. I really, really, really appreciate it and I really appreciate you and I cannot wait to book my session with you once I can get down to New York.

I can't wait to get you into New York. Thank you so much for having me and thank you. This was so much fun.

Awesome. Have a good one and I will talk with you soon.

Hey girl.

Thank you so much for listening to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching. coaching.com apply or subscribe and leave me a review Wherever you listen to your podcasts, talk soon.