How to Safely Date a White Man

Hey, girl. Welcome to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week, you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

Hey, girl. Thank you so much for joining me on the getyourguy coaching podcast. I have a very special episode today, and it might be one that might be a bit controversial. It might be one where it might make you feel a little bit uncomfortable. But I know that with discomfort comes growth and maybe a little bit of truth that we have been suppressing. And, you know, like I say, all this time, I have been doing this work for way too long to not keep it real with you. And I talk to women every day, and they tell me that they are scared to date outside of their race. I think it's like half and half at this point. Half of them are like, I can't do it. The other half is like, oh, I'm open to it. I can do it. But then when I really press in on them, they're like, yeah, I'm still kind of scared. I don't know what these mofos are gonna do, girl. I think y' all are thinking, oh, my God, he's gonna grow. They're gonna hang me, girl. It's giving, you know.

Separate but equal. It's giving me, like, you know, bad, bad juju. Like, can't trust them. They're going to hurt me. And I get that. And I'm not here to minimize that. I'm not here to invalidate that. I think all of that makes sense. What I know about.

I call it DEI dating, girl.

Safely dating a white man. Because that's what this episode is all about, is that there are some really great upsides to doing it, especially in your dating life. And I want to talk about how to safely date white men so that you feel confident and comfortable really moving forward in a way that is going to serve you in your dating life. Because here's the thing, there's more of them there. So you literally 7x your opportunity to find a great partner. When you widen your net and I want or whiten your net, and I want you to get with a guy that is the best guy for you, even if he's white.

In this episode, I'm going to talk about the white man, black woman kind of pairing and why dating a white guy can make sense. I'm going to talk about what I call the black flags, which is all about what to look out for for a white guy. And then I'm also going to look for, I'm going to talk about the types of white guys that you want to be prioritizing. And then at the end I'll talk about some of the questions that I hear that are detracting or hindering black women from dating white men. Okay, so let's talk about.

The positives about dating a white man. So I don't know if y' all know this, but white men and black women pairings have the lowest divorce rate.

If you take into considerate, on average, if you take into consideration a black woman and a black man, their divorce rate is 50% over the average. If you take a black man and a white woman, their divorce rate is 200% more than the average. So please understand that there's something to this pairing and I want to talk about what is driving that, which may be something that alleviates some fears for you. Okay? So in my research, roughly a third of white men are really checking for you. Yeah. And again, I'm going to keep it real with you. Not every guy is checking for you. Not every white guy is checking for you. Just like not every black guy is checking for you. I think that the latest research that I found was roughly 37 to 40% of black guys are really checking for black women. Like prioritizing them. That's the top preference.

So for the men, the white men that are checking for you, please understand that if he is interacting with you, engaging with you and courting you, that there is a deeper love there. Because what that means is that he's had to go against all of the programming, messaging, conditioning and go against any sort of societal pressures to actually be with you. Right. For all of the things that society talks about black women, he said f that I love this woman. This woman is amazing and I want to be with her. There's a certain level of open mindedness for a white guy that does that. Because what that means is.

I'm not going to get into this racial bs. What that also means is I'm not going to get into the gender roles BS too, which means he's going to be more apt and open to contributing more to the household, which is going to alleviate.

Some of the labor that you naturally are doing. It can be a net positive for you and your life. The Other thing about a white man that is dating or married to a black woman is that.

He is going to probably be much tougher because he's going to have to endure all of the snide remarks, all of the passive aggressive comments, all of the nasty looks from white women, from black men and sometimes black women and white men. Right? And he is. So please understand that if a white guy is with you, girl, ten toes down with you, he has to be. There's no half assing in this sort of relationship. The other thing that I want to talk about, which saddens me to bring up, but I think it's an important point, is that white men make more money than black men, roughly 50% more on average. What does that mean? That means that they're not going to try to compete with you like maybe some black men do. It means that they are more willing and able to provide for you and to pay for.

Everything. Right. And create a lifestyle that is.

One with less labor, one that feels good. And you know, the reason that they have this money is because they're more educated. White men have a twice the graduation rate of black men. And so, and please understand, there's obviously so much privilege and racism and prejudice involved and you know, systematic racism in these institutions, but the facts are still the facts, right? Because they're more educated, there's going to be a general lower divorce rate because educated people get divorced less and because educated people make more money. What that means when he has more money and he's more educated is that he's going to be ready for marriage sooner. It means that he is going to be more stable. I think that on average black men are getting married around the age of 35. White men in other racial groups on average are getting married at 30 because they have self actualized in their career and they're ready to provide for a family at that time. Okay, this is important as you're thinking about who am I to be with, right? What is going to bring like the most return to my life and potentially my legacy. Okay, so those are I think some really important things to think about as you are thinking about potentially swirling, potentially widening your net and dating all men, not just black men.

So I want to talk about, because a lot of people are like, I don't know girl, I don't know about these white guys. I want to talk about what I call the black flags, the black flags of dating. These are the flags that you want to take a look at when you are interacting with a white guy. Potentially Dating him and being courted by him. Now, these are not all of the black flags. You'll get that if you join my program, but I think a good number of them will be helpful for you as you navigate this. Okay, so the first thing that I want you to be looking out for is when you talk to him and he's talking about his past relationships, you want to be listening out for if he has dated all kinds of women, but just prefers black women. Right. There are so many. And the reason I say this is because there are so many white guys out there that just date black women and that can get into fetish territory real quick. And I don't want you to do that. I don't want you to be in that sort of situation. Lord knows, honey, I've been in it, living in all parts of the world, and it's not cute. The second thing that I want you to look out for is, is he talking about any of your black features, your skin, your lips, your nose, your hair texture, your hair in general? If he's talking about that.

I don't like it. And I don't think that you should be engaging with him, because the guys that are going to fetish you or fetishize you are the ones that are going to be hyper focused on your physicality. Okay. One time I was in Germany, and this guy would smell my skin, girl, and he was like, oh, black skin smells different. And I was like, lord, I got to get out of here, honey. This was before Get Out, Girl. This was get out, the prequel. And, girl, it was. It was just disgusting. And so, because he was focused on the contrast and what it looked like, and he wasn't really focused on me as an individual, as a person, my personhood. Very much objectification. Yeah. So that's what you want to look out for. Obviously, the other black plaque that you want to look out for is, is he engaged in black culture? Does he watch black TV shows? Is he interested in black media culture, movies.

Stars? Does he know the difference between Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer?

Is he doing things that are very intimate to your black experience? Right. Is he getting black products for you at the grocery store or the hair supply store? Is he helping you take out your braids or your weave or dealing with your hair? If you need help, these are the sorts of things that I want you to look out for. Because the guys that are doing that, first of all, the guys that are doing that and love it, girl, you better snatch them up, honey. Those are the guys that are in it to win it. Okay. The other black flag that I want you to be thinking about as you interact with these white guys is that when you all talk about race and you need to. And I would actually suggest you talk about it early, earlier, before, like a significant conversation before. D3. Does he let you take the lead? Does he let you and give you space to speak about your experience? And when you speak about it, he doesn't try to invalidate it. He doesn't try to minimize it. He's giving you empathy, he's giving you sympathy. He's asking curious questions. That's what you want to look out for. Okay? And then lastly, is he outspoken and protective while you are out and about, like I was talking about earlier? You're going to get a lot of remarks, comments, looks, and because of your lived experience, he's not only going to have to protect himself and protect the relationship, but he's also going to have to protect you. So, you know, if a waitress is being standoffish or rude to you, does he say something or does he just say, yeah, she must be having a bad day, because that's not gonna work. He's gotta say something. Right? And the reason why I think that this is important and this is a fear that I hear so often is that so many people are like, okay, he might be great, girl, but what about his family? He's got to have the cojones to be able to protect you from his family if he needs to. Right?

PrinceHarrisGirl does what he had to do. He had to move his wife and his family across the world to protect her from his family. And that's what it looks like. That's what you want when you are.

Potentially thinking about getting involved with a white man. And you can observe that in your dates and when you're with him.

Does he hold your hand through crowds, things like that? How is he protective? Okay. So I hope that helps as you're navigating these black flags, girl, so that you, again, feel safer just navigating this a little bit. Talking. Talking to more white guys and feeling like you have the tools, the skills, the discernment to look out for what's safe and what's not. Okay, so, well, this is going to be a little bit fun, but there is amazing truth to this. And so I don't want you to shade and not take this seriously. But I want to talk about the kinds of white guys that are really checking for black women, based on my experience as a dating coach for 13 years. So the first group of white guys that I always see. Girl. The gingers, the redheads. I don't even know if I can say gingers anymore. Let me. Girl. Email me at amwareyguycoaching.com and let me know. Girl. I'm not trying to get canceled. Girl. The red headed. Hashtag Prince Harry. Girl. You know, I always say that they're like the blacks of the whites. There's something. They're just very open minded. They've been through stuff and they see the amazing beauty of black women. And so please understand that if you see a red headed man, he is checking for you and you gotta pounce on that girl. Girl, he wants you. He can't get enough of you. Okay. The second group of white guys that I want you to prioritize are the European men. Hunting. Yeah. Girl. Southern Italians, Turkish, Greek, they won't be able to get enough of you. The Croatians, the Albanians, the Serbians.

Girl. Life. The Dutch and the Germans. Triple life. Girl. Girl, I got proposed to three times in 18 months in Germany. I was proposed to twice when I was living in Italy for a year. Also the Irish and the Scottish.

Life. Girl. Girl. Leprechaun. Lucky girl. St. Patrick's Day. Girl.

Okay, so that's the second group. Girl. The third group are nerds, right? Girl, the nerds are checking for you. They love and they're curious about who you are as an individual. And I think it's such a great pairing because the balance between masculine and feminine energy for many nerds is much more balanced, which is a great pairing with a black woman who also has a good amount of feminine and masculine energy as well as. Okay, the other men that I want you to consider and think about are artists. And not the struggling artist. Girl. The successful artists. I think about Robert De Niro. I think about Wolfgang Puck, Joshua Jackson, he's an actor.

Oh my God, his name is totally escaping me now. The guy who did Star wars, he's with a black woman.

Girl. These men are surrounded by yes men all the time. And they love that black women are honest, truthful, direct and will tell them not what they want to hear, but what they need to hear. And as you know, black women support, right? And they appreciate that. And they just, you know, they're artists, honey. So they see your innate beauty.

And then the last group that I want you to prioritize is the Italians and the Jewish girl. I don't know what to tell you. If you've ever seen a Bronx tale, girl, that is real life. That is real tea. They absolutely love you. I call the Italians the browns of the whites, girl.

They just got. They got more spice and, you know, I. It's a great pairing. Again, that masculine and feminine energy. The Italians and Jewish men are a little bit more in touch with their emotions and feelings, which can be a really great pairing as well. So those are the five kinds of white man groups that I want you to prioritize. If that helps you, great. If you're like, anwar, you are a fool. You're right. But we get to have fun while we are doing this dating thing as well. Okay. Okay. So I get a lot of questions about dating white guys, and I just wanted to really quickly go through them and answer them because, you know, we will do anything we can to not date a white guy, girl. And if that's not your destiny, I'm not trying to, you know, make fetch happen. I'm not trying to make you be with a white guy. I just know that it will help your dating life tremendously and that there is a huge possibility of happiness if you allow yourself to date all kinds of men, including white men. Okay, so the first question is, Anwar, where are they? And I'm like, girl, get outside your house, girl. They're everywhere. They're literally the majority of the U.S. i think the white people are at like 60% now. We're in the lower 60s. They're everywhere online. They are on Bumble and OkCupid, and a good amount are on Hinge, But I don't really like Hinge right now. So I want you to prioritize. Bumble and OkCupid outside, they're everywhere now. Some of you are like, they don't approach me, girl. Men are not approaching women in general right after the post. Me too. And Pandemic guys are approaching a third of how they used to. And then white men specifically are not approaching black women because they think that your eyes are just for black men. And they're not wrong. Right. 90, 95% of you all are getting married to black men. So they don't want to be rejected. They don't want to, you know, try something. And then you, you know, give them shade, roll your eyes, don't give them life. So they just. They'll look, but they won't approach. So, girl, here, I'm going to give you some tea. If you want to know if a white guy is checking for you and into you, I want you to look at his feet. If his feet are pointing toward you. And this is body language. 101. It means that he's into you, right? And if he's into you, I want you to be giving him a green light. And I want you to open the space, give him a compliment. Compliment him on his. On his shirt, on his watch, on his shoes. Or you can ask him for help. Hey, can you give me a glass of water? Hey, can you get that thing for me? Or you can ask for a recommendation.

Hey, what are you having? That looks good. Hey, what are you drinking? Do you think I should get that? Right? Those are three ways that you can open the space and start the conversation. I know that if you open the space with three guys, three white guys, at least one of them will ask for your number. But, girl, you got to talk to them, girl. Okay, the other question I have is, I want black babies. Girl, I get that. But here's the thing. Any baby that comes from you is going to be black.

And that's all I got to say about that.

Some people are like, well, I'm just not attracted to them. And I get that. But here's what I want to offer to you. If you were born in China, you would be very attracted to Chinese men. So I want to just help us understand that this is conditioning. It's conditioning in a variety of different ways. It's conditioning because.

In media, we don't see a lot of interracial couples by design. And what you see is a black woman with a black man. You also see that, for the most part, as you are growing up with your parents, probably. So that becomes a model for you. Also, there is.

A concept called trauma driven attraction that I want to offer to you, which basically means that we are attracted to the people that give us trauma. And that often times is.

Our black fathers who were not emotionally available, whose love we had to chase. Either they were emotionally absent or physically absent. And so please understand that part of your attraction to black man or black men. And girl, don't get me wrong, they're fine. Black men are fine. Girl, I'm a black man. I'm fine. But part of this is trauma driven attraction. And I want us to be very clear about that.

I know that attraction can grow over time. So even if you are like lukewarm with the white guy, give it two to three weeks and see if the attraction increases. If it does, great, continue to engage. If it doesn't, let it go. That's all I'm saying. Why am I talking about all of this, all of this white guy stuff? Girl.

I'm talking about It. Because black women have a 29% marriage rate, which is half of other racial groups. And I know that there are men, great men, that you can be married to and have a happy life if you choose to marry that may not be black. And I want you to have that possibility instead of completely just cut it off. When you just focus on black guys, girl, you are literally saying no to 87% of the guys out there, which makes your dating life that much harder.

And oftentimes. And you already know the tea. The guys that. The black guys that have their shit together oftentimes will not do anything. They'll not respond to messages. They won't text you, because they're the prize. And everybody's chasing them and they're talking to women outside of their race. And they got 20, 50 black women that are trying to get their attention.

Yeah. Here's what I know. I know that black women have a higher divorce rate than a marriage rate. Out of a thousand marriages, 31 of them are getting divorced. For black women, out of a thousand single women, only 17 of them are getting married.

More divorces than marriages. And my mission, and one of the reasons why I'm a dating coach for black and brown women is to change these statistics to make sure that we are creating a new life. Because I think that you all are the center of this world. This earth has started with you. It will end with you. I believe that black women are the most powerful beings on this earth. I believe that you all are goddesses. And I think that you deserve better. I think that you deserve the world and more. Am I saying that white guys are it? No. I am saying that when you open yourself up, you allow yourself to find men that are ready to see the totality of who you are and the amazingness of who you are. That's why I talk about this so often. I know that when you at least try something new, it will help your entire dating life.

And that's what I want. I want the best for you. Nothing less. All right. I hope that this was helpful. I hope that this was informative. I hope that this was beneficial. And if you want to learn how to do the deeper work, to allow yourself to be open to this and allow yourself to date with abundance and not with a scarcity mindset. Definitely apply to book a consultation call with me and my team so that we can see if it's a good fit. Alrighty. I hope that this was helpful for you. And I will see you on the flip side. Bye. Bye.

Hey, girl. Thank you so much for listening to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com apply or subscribe and leave me a review. Wherever you listen to your podcasts, talk.