Kickin' It With GYG Head Coach Shoya

Hey, girl. Welcome to the getyourguy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

I never felt the way I do without anyone but you.

Hello, my loves, and welcome to the get your guy coaching podcast. I am obviously coach Anwar, but I have a very special guest. And I know I said that every week, but this is actually a very special guest. This is family. Honey, I want to introduce you to coach Shoya. She is the head coach at get your guy coaching, and I thought it would be a really good idea for her to come on so that you have a really great sense of how we hold space for the clients that come into the program and just how amazing she is. So, coach Shoya, thank you so much for joining me.

Coach Anwar, thank you for having me.

I've known Shoya for eight years almost. Yeah. As we've been coaches in this relationship space for. For that long and even longer. Would you agree on that?

It's been about eight, eight plus years. Yes. It's been a minute.

Yeah. So I want to let y' all know I. I do not take my business, like, lightly, and I do not bring a lot of people on. I've had a lot of people who wanted to coach in this program, but I want to let you know, Coach Roya is that girl and she is one of the few people that I would trust with all of the amazing clients that I get to work with. But before we get into kind of the program and coaching, why don't you just, like, introduce yourself, tell them where you're from, how long you've been you're doing, and anything else you want to share.

Okay. Thanks for that. As Anar said, my name is coach Shoya. I have been coaching for past eight to nine years. Decade is I specialize in life, relationship, and dating coaching. The majority of my clients are in relationship, so I do a lot of couples coaching and life coaching with my clients. But I do do dating coaching when I get the opportunities to. And then when you asked me to come here, we've been focusing on it full steam ahead. So that's been fun. I'm from. I was born in Savannah, Georgia, and I'm from Savannah, Georgia, but I moved to atl, moved to Atlanta over case of me. And I'm constantly. I got this thing about saying that I'm from Atlanta, so I'm like, I'm constantly backing too, from Savannah and Atlanta, but that is where I am here in Georgia.

So I love it, I love it, I love it. So you've been with get your guy for eight to nine months now? Yeah. Why did you decide to come aboard the gym train?

So I got a text message.

Sure did. Girl, you're lucky I didn't slide in those DMs.

So. Because it was funny when we were coaching together in the past, we used to it like, be me and you like in Google Meets. Hang like talking shit at night or case may be. So you were always like a friend, like a really good friend that I considered. And I know we hadn't spoken in a little while, so, like, when I got that text, I was like, hey, can you call? I was like, I literally was like, oh, people got put to the side. What's up? What you need? And then you. I knew you were doing it because I was keeping track of your podcast and your work, and you're like, it's growing here. I like, would you want to hop on? So at first I was thinking, like, my friend needs my help. Of course I'm about to hop on. Like, bet what you need. And then I jumped on and I was like, oh, you got like a whole machine going. All right, let me. Yes, honey, the hat or whatnot. So this my original. Like, I jumped on because it was you. Like, when somebody. When your friend call and say, we need you, you show up. And that was all I was thinking at the time.

Yeah. Thank you for that. I appreciate it. So we've been rocking and rolling. I mean, even this week, we've had five exclusive relationships. Two women in relationships that have gotten to the I love you stage. One woman that has moved in with her guy just in the last week. So the adults are speaking for themselves, right? I'd love to hear from you and just have the listeners also hear, like, your experience coaching and gyg and like, you know, what are your favorite and maybe even least favorite parts, girl, because, you know, we keep it real here.

God knows about that. So asking my favorite part is, I told you. Like, that's like asking me, like, what's my favorite breath? Was it that one? Oh, the case may be. So.

The thing that I love the most is the ladies and their commitment to the process. Like, I have not met. I don't know what energy you got and what you attracted. Anwar. But everybody here or not, is committed to the work, and they're committed to the progress, and they are here to work. So that has been extremely refreshing to experience and to work with. And like you said, the results are speaking for themselves because they're not playing any games or whatnot. So. So I think my favorite experiences so far is really watching people embrace the foreign spaces that probably. That wasn't. That was foreign to them in order to accomplish their goal. And some of my favorite wins have been. And I've even told some of the ladies this. Like, when it comes to the. What we call, like, the girls that are performing. Performing, right, they kind of get in here to get your guy, and they'll come here, they'll get their guy, like, soon. And if that doesn't work out, they're not afraid to be like, thank you, goodbye. And then they'll go back out there, and while they're still in the program, they done got their guy again. And it's like, okay. And they're out there not playing any games, and it's been. It's a community. They're motivating other people. Like, not only are you going to find your person, you're going to have standards and, like, it's not scarcity mindset out here. So that's been really refreshing.

Yeah, I love that. Well, here's what I. What my favorite part has been while you have been on board. And my favorite part is when the ladies say, actually, I would prefer to chat with Coach Shoya. Right. Because I want to let the listeners know, you know, Coach Shoy and I, we're obviously different people, and we have different styles. And, you know, I would say you're a really great mix of direct and gentle when it comes to coaching. I think I'm probably 80, 20 direct, 20% gentle. Not because I don't have the gentle bone, but I'm pushing, I'm nudging, I'm encouraging. I want. I want the results. And I know that y' all can do it, right? But I love that there is a preference for you and your coaching. And that's one of the reasons why I brought you on, too, because I think you have a. You do a really great job of holding very gentle and tender space. Right. And. And this work, which is oftentimes can be very sensitive, can be very triggering. That is what is required. So just wanted to highlight that and thank you for being aboard. I think it's been amazing.

Absolutely.

Yeah, girl. Yeah, girl. So talk to me about some of the success stories that you have kind of seen, witnessed, and some of the wins that you have also witnessed. I mean, you shared about some of the ladies that have gotten their guy early, didn't work out, and then got their guy again because they have the dating skills, the tools, the techniques. But obviously without using anyone's name, because we keep it cute and confidential around here.

Are some of those stories that you've seen. And it doesn't have to be getting the guy, obviously, that you have, like, really been excited about in this work.

So. And. And this person's going to know I'm talking about them or the case may be. So half of these ladies probably going to know I'm talking about them. So there is one case where I remember their first call. I don't think they were expecting to talk to me.

I know that you talk about.

There is. And they, they had me on. They're like, I'm sorry, who are you? And I was like, oh, my name is Coach Shoya. And they just had. They had a lot of edge. Right. So it's kind of very trying to meet. Trying to maintain that compassion because as you said, I do lean more gentle. I like to leave with curiosity. Right. But in order to do that, you have to be open to it. So, like, obviously you can tell that this person was, like, very guarded. I don't even think they were conscious of the amount of edge that they had. And those first couple of sessions was really, well, this is how it is and this is what we do. And I'm like, okay, okay, I hear you. Right? And it was just maintaining this consistency and curiosity and compassion and helping this particular person understand that not everything has to be hard like that. And, and over time, literally in the past six months, when I say the softness.

That they. Right.

Yes, girl. They went from a knife to a fork to a spoon.

A lovely shiny spoon. And the thing about it is, it used to be, because, you know, we start our calls with asking the ladies coming with your highlight and your low light is like, tell us what's good happening. And anything that's not so good. At the beginning, those first few sessions, it was always something like, oh, this happened or that happened. And lately this person has been struggling to find a love. Like, they are genuinely happy even though life is still lifeing.

Yeah.

Like just their perspective on it. So, like, have they gotten their guide? Not yet. But they're just so you can tell they're genuinely happy and they're genuinely grateful. And to Play a role into how they got there so quickly.

Yeah.

That's like one of my favorite.

I love that so much. I'm glad that you're mentioning this because I think it's important for people to understand that, like, we get the fact that this is like a very sensitive subject for everyone and like, there are going to be moments where you're going to try to come for us. Right. And that's okay. We're grown ass adults and we know how to handle it. And we're not tripping about that. There's no judgment here. We know where it's coming from and we're here to coach you through it at the end of the day. So I am. So I'm so glad that you mentioned that because I think a lot of women are scared to open that Pandora's box because they don't know how to close it or how to manage it, what with whatever comes out. And I'm just here. And I'm so glad that you mentioned this, Coach Shoya, because we know how to handle all that. Yeah. And so. And I think it's such a beautiful thing and a value add to have and be coached by someone who knows how to handle that so that you don't have to feel stressed out or pressured to try to figure out how to do it because you have an expert to be able to kind of hold space and guide you through that, but also help you understand, like, what those blind spots are. So love that so much. Yeah. I think my favorite win over the past nine months, if I'm thinking about it, is.

Another, another Hardy turn softy girl. Another Hardy hearty turn softy. Right. But here's the work, right. And I think for the ladies that are listening to it, like, if you're in your masculine energy, if you're hard as hell, if you're a, excuse my language, a bitch. Right. You're not going to get anybody because happy people get into relationships. Happy people get married. Right? So part of this is turning maybe your pessimism into optimism, turning your coldness into warmth. Right. And part, that's part of this work. And so, you know, working through that with, with clients and kind of going through the ups and downs because it's not going to be just like this upward trajectory. There's like, it's two steps forward, three steps back, four steps forward, two steps back and working through it, but knowing that we're progressing every step of the way, that I think is. Is really important and brings you closer to dating. So love, love Love. Love that. Good.

Absolutely.

Let's. Let's talk a little shot. Because one of the things that coach Shoya and I do almost every day.

You know, almost every day. Like, every day at 11pm like, did you get this right?

Yeah.

Coach and I talk pretty much every day because we want to keep abreast of all of our clients. And I'm sharing this with you all so that you understand that, like, you have two really great minds helping you through this process. Right. Maybe you see me on social media and you're like, oh, my God, like, I want to work with him without understanding that. No, this is like a team effort, and we're going to work with you together to get you to your desired outcome and result. And so we talk shop every day. We go through the. All of the clients, We. We update, and we say, okay, here are the next steps so that we always know what are the next two or three sessions we're going to do with this client so that they. We have a very clear roadmap to get them to their desired results. So in this, you know, episode, I wanted to kind of talk shop a little bit so the. So the, you know, the listeners can understand kind of how we're thinking about certain circumstances, how we coach, how we think about things so that they can get something out of this. This episode, but also understand kind of how we coach. Yeah. So this is. I'm calling this a little bit of a game. I'm calling this girl. What should we do? Yeah. So I'm gonna ask you some questions, and then I'm gonna ask you what we should do, and we can kind of brainstorm and chime in. Sound good?

Sound good?

All right, so let me get to this first one, girl. So what if someone says, you know, I've met a guy that I like, and I, you know, I just want to chat with him. I just want to. I don't know if I want to date him or not. I don't know if I'm, like, attracted to him. Like, what would you tell her?

There's nothing wrong with being curious. Right. But I want to make sure that we're not operating out of fear, because you led with, there's a guy that I like, and then immediately we slammed on the brakes.

So it's kind of like that break tells me that there's fear present and we don't have to be rushing things. Like, one thing that me and you are always telling the ladies is, we're not swiping to marry. We're swiping today.

Correct.

Right. And whatnot. So you have permission to be curious and to smell the roses. I'm more curious about why did we slam on brakes? Because we're still going to be. We're going to be curious and keep it cute anyways. Help me understand this. But I just want to. But I just want to. What? What? Not. Because you led with I like him. So that's what we're going to be talking about. Because you're gonna. It's probably not gonna change the conversation that you're having, but it is going to change the energy in which you show up for that conversation.

That's right. That's right. And isn't it also around. I don't want to get my hopes up. Right. I don't want to be disappointed.

Here's the thing. Most of the guys aren't going to be it, but you get to also honor exactly how you're feeling in the moment. Right?

Absolutely.

Oftentimes, too. Some of the things that I see in these situations is like, oh, like I might be putting this guy on a pedestal already and I don't even know him. Right. So sometimes we over course. Correct. And we take him to zero.

We. We first, we start at 100. He's everything, but then we're like, oh, my God, I'm already losing myself. So then I'm. I'm to your point about the energy that you're bringing into it. I take him to zero, and I think that there's probably a happy medium there.

Absolutely. Absolutely. It's about trusting yourself or whatnot and making peace with that fear so you can show up and trust yourself during this process.

I love that. Okay, girl, what should we do? When a girl comes up to you and she says, I'm scared to go online dating.

What'S scary? This is like, I. I'm that coach that leads a curiosity, like, all right, what's. What's the worst case scenario? What's the fear? What's the worst?

Well, a lot of the girls are saying, you know, there's a lot of freaks, there's a lot of crazies, there's a lot of cheaters, There's a lot of married men on there.

And this is why we focus so much of our work on making sure the ladies have boundaries. Because the reality is you're going to run into crazy anywhere. That's always a potential. If you trust who you are and how you measure, then you're not gonna have to worry about what you need online. Like, because you're gonna encounter that and be like, next. Right. So if you have a good relationship with yourself and more specifically a good relationship with boundaries, then that fear becomes null and void.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. And you know, we teach the clients in the program kind of the proprietary dating strategy that we have, which is, I think, a safety net for them already.

Right.

And our job is to really keep them accountable and hold them to that strategy and make sure that they're not really deterring far so that they can continue to be safe. Right. One of the things, online dating can be scary if you're not used to it, but working with the strategy I think can help kind of alleviate some of those fears. And I think a lot of the women see that, like, once they understand, oh, there are certain men that like, get. Come to the other side of it. Right. And those guys are a different quality of men, I think it starts to help them understand, okay, online dating isn't that bad. Like, because I know, I know how to work it instead of having the, the apps work me.

Correct, Correct. Right. Having those standards and having those boundaries helps them filter. So yeah, they can have a good time.

Okay, girl, what, what do you say when they're very particular about certain groups that they, that they date, if they say like, oh, I only date black men or oh, I don't date white men or I don't date Nigerians, what do, what do you tell them when it comes to kind of their specific criteria?

So first of all, I want, I want to know where that comes from. Oh, why do we have that specific, specific thing? But I also, again, making sure that we're not people can be concerned how almost either you're being driven by love or you're being driven by fear.

Right.

And it's kind of like, and that's really what it comes down to. So if you say that you only have a specific criteria, is it fear based? Is it, is there something you specifically want that you find only exists in this camp or is it like, because I'm trying to protect myself from. Because if it's fear based, then this isn't going to serve you. I usually tell people, are you in a relationship with a person, person or a movement? Right? So like, if you're only dating, I'm not saying that you can't have your preferences, Right? But check yourself on why your preferences are what they are. Because a relationship is really is going to reflect you back to yourself. So you can have those preferences, but make sure that you have, you know, you're willing to be Curious because at the end of the day you're a person first. Right. And you're a whatever comes after that. Like you're your name and then mom, sister, daughter, person of color person, you know, of this cultural background. Like all those things come after who you are. You want to leave with who you are and you want to be able to see people for who they are. And if you keep yourself trapped in a certain filter, then people are going to see you do that same filter. So we just want to be mindful.

Yeah, I think that's so important and I think to your point around movements like there's historical background that I think we have to have some clarity around. Are you dating black men because you're trying to chase your dad?

Right, right.

We witnessed as many, many of us are no shade.

But these are the sorts of things that we'll want to delve into to understand. And I love the point that you made earlier, which we talk about a lot of time. We're not saying we have you have to marry these men. We're saying we want you to date everybody because we want you to learn the most about yourself. Like if you always date a six two light skinned athlete guy and you don't date anybody else, you only going to explore the part of you that is engaging with that archetype. Right. And you won't know what it looks like to date an Indian man.

Right.

Or to date a Hispanic man or to date somebody that is a blue collar worker or someone that is a white collar worker or an entrepreneur or what have you. And so this openness I think is so important because.

Part of leaning into this feminine energy is learning how to accept versus judge.

Right.

And the more that you can accept even in the, in the, in the nature of just giving a lot of people a chance, the more that you're going to be able to accept your partner when he or they come. So that's what I think that's what this is more about than anything else we can. Obviously we're going to get curious but I want you to understand that it's more than just we don't want you to be with your type. Oftentimes your type is not your type. We're preparing these ladies to be in the best relationship of their lives and when they get into that relationship, they don't self sabotage it because of all the triggers and the traumas that are coming up.

Absolutely. And we're also encouraging like we're bringing the ladies like back into the real world because to push that point further, if you only date a certain type, I'd even go as far as to say you're not dating that person. You're dating the idea of that person.

That's right. That's right. 100%. And what it represents.

Right. And whatever. Exactly. So sometimes jumping out of that is a shock to bring us back to reality. Now, if in reality you end up being with that person anyways, cool. But let's get out of your head.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. Good. Okay, one last one. What if they say, you know, you know, I've been dating this guy for a while. I don't really like physical or sexual intimacy. I'm. I'm scared of it a little bit. What would you say to them? Girl, what should we do?

This is where the little direct in me comes out. This is where. Because, like, let's call a spade a spade, right? If there's zero physical romantic intimacy, then we're more in friendship territory than relationship territory.

100 what not.

So it's kind of like it. If you want to be in a romantic relationship, then you've got to entertain, like, you've got to fix this relationship that you have with intimacy or sexuality or whatever the case may be. Because if you avoid it, then you're not looking for a relationship. You just want a. A friendship. We're just calling a spade a spade. So that's the. That's the nature of it. That's one of the main markers that separates friendships from relationships is this. This extra level of intimacy. It doesn't have to always. And it's funny because I had a conversation with one of the ladies about this recently or whatnot. Right. It doesn't always have to look hot and heavy.

Or doesn't have to be traumatic in nature or like aggressive in nature. Intimacy can be very. It can be very soft.

Right.

But it still is a thing. And you really need to figure out. You need to figure out that relationship with your own perception of intimacy before you bring somebody else in with it. But relationships will have that there. So you have to kind of know what you like in that department.

That's right. I'm so glad that you mentioned that. That, like, you have to know your own intimacy because so many women of color, specifically black women, are not taught about that. It's not spoken about. So some of us, you know, on that Sex and the City episode where Charlotte puts the mare up to her vagine, we call it here in Quebec, French, and she starts to. Very comfortable and familiar with it. One of the Things that I love about coach Shoya is that she is well versed in all things sexuality and sexual. And so she's going to, you know, give you such a great perspective on that because it's a very important part of dating and relationships. But yeah, I think this is so important. And especially, you know, this work is really catered toward black and brown women. And what we know about that is that many of us aren't necessarily touched. We're touch deprived. And so that is a space that we hold very dear and tender. And, you know, one of the ways that we kind of engage in this, and this is especially true right after a lot of the ladies get into a relationship is really leaning into this and how to do this within ourselves. To your point, Coach Shoya, around taking the steps, instead of going, trying to go from 0 to 100 and feeling like completely out of control and not in your power, we're giving you the steps to go from 0 to 20, 20 to 40, 40 to 60, to the point where you're going to be ready for the things that you need to be ready for while you're in a relationship.

Absolutely.

Yes.

It is one of my favorite topics, girl.

Yes. And I love that you love it and that you're so good at it, girl. And that's. I think that is such a value out of having coach Shoya, girl, I can't tell you about your vajin. I can't tell. I can't tell, girl. I don't have one. I don't know the pleasure. I don't know what it looks like. I do know what the male perspective is and what he likes and what he may be thinking in that situation. But this is why I think it is, you know, tag team back again. Like us, tag teaming is so good because we're bringing such different strengths that you're getting the best of so many different worlds. Right. When you come into this program, especially the VIP program, where we're going to be talking with you one on one and giving you those perspectives, not just in our one on one, 30 minute sessions, but also in our 24, 7 access via Voxer that many of our clients are reaching out to both of us and getting both of our perspectives and then moving forward that way.

Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah.

Good girl. This was a really fun game. Yes. Love, love, love. You know, we do this all day, every day.

I guess what I would like to just ask you is before we go, anything you want to say about the get your guy program? As someone who kind of has like A an insider's viewpoint or perspective.

This program is like, I tell you, like the work is working or the case can be. And if we're done playing games and being in our head about certain things and you want to actually accomplish your goal, not just accomplish your goal, but you want community because that's the. I think that's a really big thing, especially for those of us who are people of color. Right. Like, community is so important in having a community of successful women, of women who are holding the amount of empathy and compassion that we hold for each other here. Because I think a lot of us are so used to being in catty spaces or having to square up and get people right and who you think you talking to and all this kind of stuff. And you have helped curated a space where everybody here is about love. Like, even like on the Facebook group, like somebody needs advice and like, oh, girl, here's what you need to do. Here's where we're going to go. Like, it's nothing but love and support and compassion. And I think even that experience is beneficial. Just being able to see that there are other black and brown women out here who are successful, who are kind, who are compassionate and who are finding love. So that's. I think that's one of the number one takeaways because you're going to get your guy, you're going to date, and that's great. Do you have community? Do you have your tribe? You got a tribe here. And it's kind of like that's that. I think that's one of the most beautiful things about this program is the tribe that we have here.

Awesome. Thank you for sharing that.

You know, I think one of the reasons why I still do a number of the consultation calls is to make sure that the space is curated for safety, for nonjudgment. Because the topics that we're going to talk about are sensitive in nature. Right. And we want to feel, you know, a lot of people are like, oh my God, I don't want to be a part of a group call. But once they end the group call and they see people are talking about the time that their mama called them tender headed. Right. Or what have you. Right. And how that affects what we do right now. And today in our bonding patterns, they feel inspired and motivated to be even more vulnerable to speak their truth and in doing so find growth and healing. So I'm so glad that you highlighted the community aspect of it because I know a lot of people, I think, don't necessarily value it as much when they hear about the program, but once they're in it, they actually value it probably the most.

Absolutely.

Yeah. Good. All right, honey. Well, now, you know, tag team back again, right?

What you know. I know what I know. You know, I keep telling the ladies, I'm like, me and Anwar keep the tea. I think they think that I'm lying. I'm like, we live for the tea.

Honey. Yes. And coach and I, we like to have fun, too. So when you're talking to the boys, we say, send us a picture. We need to see the pictures. You need to give us the deeds. Not because we're nosy, although maybe we're little, but also to best coach you. Right.

Awesome, awesome, awesome. Coach Roya, thank you so much for being here. I am so happy that you are a part of this company, a part of the coaching, and a part of kind of the transformative experience that a lot of these ladies have.

If you heard something here that resonated with you, don't hesitate. Right. I want the reason I brought coach Roya onto this, this podcast episode is because I want you to know, I want you to know she's a genius. She's amazing. She is fully trusted. And the experience is so much better with her a part of this that, like, the results have been improving ever since she's got come on board. And if you've been hesitating about coming into this program, this would be the time to do it. Yeah. And so please, please, please don't walk, run, honey.

Because we love what we do. I hope that you hear that in this episode because we've been doing it for a while and we'll be continuing to do it.

Yeah, we're here.

Oh, Shoya, anything else you want to say before we get out of here, girl?

Oh, absolutely not. Thank you for having me on this space and inviting me into your world. That's been a whirlwind, and I' excited about continuing this journey with you and the ladies.

Yeah. Awesome, awesome, awesome. All right, my loves. I hope that this was helpful for you. I will see you on the flip side. Bye. Bye.

Bye.

Hey, girl. Thank you so much for listening to the get your guy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com apply or subscribe and leave me a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. Talk soon.