Prodigal Daughter With SharRon Jamison

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week, you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

I never felt the way I do about anyone but you.

Hello, my loves. Thank you so much for joining me today on the get your Guy coaching podcast. I have a very, very special guest. I'm so excited to have you here. Sharon Sharron Jamison is a. She calls herself just a healer, but she is a supreme healer. And she has so many different amazing things that she does to help individuals right, in terms of their healing process. And so thank you much for joining me, girl.

I am so grateful to be here with you. I am so honored. So thank you so much for sharing your platform with me.

I just want to let the listeners out there know that I needed to reach out to her because she has so much wisdom, so many gems that I was like, she has to share all of this with my audience. It's, like, so important that we talk about the things that are not necessarily talked about a lot. And I think we both have very unique experiences and journeys that we can share that will really help our listeners as we continue on our life journey, our love journey and relationship journey. So why don't you just, like, introduce yourself to the listeners so that they kind of know what you do and like who you serve?

I am a corporate leader. I am an author. I am a culture disruptor.

And Wait, and how many books do you have, girl?

Nine.

She has nine books, y'.

All. Some four of them are anthologies, but the other ones are mine. And I'm also a mom, and I'm also a minister. And I believe that it's so important to be who you were born to be and not settle what society has taught or told us to be. Because I think in many ways, society has taught us to be predictable but not purposeful. And so I think it's important that people show up in their own lives to understand who they are and who they are not. I think it's important for people to learn how to follow their own conscience and not the crowd, so that they can really live a life of peace, love, and liberation. And I use all of my different tools, all of the different ways of being as a Minister as a healer, as a corporate leader, to help provide an incubator and strategies to help people rise up and be the best and the highest vision and version of themselves. So that's kind of what I do. My audience is Primarily women over 50, because I feel like you're not done until you're dead. And we are still sexy and loving all that type of stuff. I work also with women of color in corporate spaces. People don't understand corporate spaces affects us not only emotionally, but spiritually. And then I work with people in relationships and people who are in relationships, in same sex relationships as well as other relationships to help people understand how our internalized conditioning, our internalized sexism and racism and homophobia impact how we get into connection with people. I always say that the water that we swim in also swims inside of us. And so we have to address all of those internal intestinal isms that impact our abilities to connect with people in a very holistic, holy, sacred way so we can have the love that we desire.

I need to know a bit about you and your story, girl, because obviously you doing all of this, which means that you've been through some stuff. So, girl, talk to talk to me and my audience a little bit about kind of a little bit about your journey, right? In terms of how you got into this work and why it means so much to you, obviously. And we were just talking about this before the podcast, right. I think we're both cancers and we're both very feeling people, right? And we feel all parts of our lives. But I'd love to hear a little bit more detail about your story.

I came to this work because I wanted to provide a space that I needed when I was wounded that didn't exist. Yes, I grew up. I was born in the 60s, and I grew up and started school in a time where the country, America, was really grappling with integration. Because even though integration was the law of the land, it was not always the love of the people, right? So I always was the black girl. And in kindergarten, for example, the teacher hit me in the head with the chair. And by the first grade, a couple of kids jumped on me and gave me a concussion. By the third grade, some kids pushed me down the steps and cracked my skull. So I had some real violent experiences around the color of my. My skin and the texture of my hair. Those experiences continued. They look different because, you know, racism never changes. It mutates and adapts. And I went through hell in high school, but also in corporate America because it's something about always being othered and feeling like you don't fit or you're unworthy. So what happened is that all those years, just I was walking around just as a wounded person and as a person who didn't like myself, who didn't understand my strength and power. But when I tried to find a therapist, people could not understand all the different parts of me. They could not really understand my lived experience as a black woman, as a preacher's kid, as a person who excelled, as a person who had dreams, as a person who lived in poverty but did not have a poverty mindset. So there was no place for me to. For somebody to see all of me. And I told myself after I came out of that deep, dark depression, when I got healed enough, I was going to create a space for women of color to come and be all of who they were, but also to bear witness to their experiences as being other, as being a black person, as the microaggressions, all the code switching, all the hyper vigilance, all of living up to the white gaze. I wanted some place where I can do that for women. So I created it. But I also wanted a place that white women can come, because I don't think people understand that racism, we have to endure it as people of color, but it also prevents white people from experiencing their full humanity too.

Yeah.

So I wanted to have this place, this place of coalition building, this place of racial reckoning in a safe place. Because I feel that we don't have to disconnect because we disagree, but people had to learn how to do that. And that's what I created. I used everything that I had and provided a system and a safe place for people to heal.

I love that. Thank you so much for sharing that. Now, one of the reasons why I also brought you on, like you said, you are preacher's kid, minister's kid, and also a minister, Correct? Of sorts. When you are a smart and successful black person, man or woman, there is a journey that you take. Right. It's a hero's journey. Now, I've entitled this podcast the Prodigal Daughter. But I'd love for you to kind of share with my. The listeners out there exactly this parable of the prodigal son. And then we can talk a little bit more about the journey that prodigal daughters have to go through, because I think you and I are kind of clear about what that looks like. But other people out there may not understand that they're actually on a path that is very familiar to so Many people out there and what that path actually looks like. So would you mind just sharing a little bit really briefly about the prodigal son, and then we can talk a little bit more about that First, a.

Parable is a simple story with a spiritual meaning. And so I just want to make sure what people know what the parable is. The prodigal story was about a rich man who had two sons. And one young son said, listen, I want to leave. Give me half of my inheritance. I want to go and live my life and be a baller. I'm kind of. I'm kind of.

Yes. No, girl, tell the tea. Tell the tea.

Yeah. And I want to go and live my life. Now, in that culture, you didn't get your inheritance until your father passed. So to ask for your inheritance is a way. As an insult to your parents. It's an insult. It's saying that, you know, you're not important. You're dead to me. But he came, asked his father for the money, his half of the inheritance. His father gave him it. So he took his money and he blew it. He squandered his money on what they call righteous living. He was just ballin', having fun, maybe drinking, you know, sexing with all you do when you are a young man with a lot of money. Lost it all, squandered it all, and found himself not only broke, but broken. Broken in money, but broken in spirit. And then he had to come back home. And when he came back home, his father, instead of shunning him, accepted him and warmed him and said, I'm so glad you're back. I'm gonna throw a party for you. And so the young one, you know, had this little party, but the old one was upset, and he said, listen, dad, I've been here all this time. I have done everything you wanted me to do, and I didn't get a party. So the whole story is about grace, forgiveness, and repentance. Because here you have this boy who blew his money. His father welcomed him back, but it also showed that the one who thought he did everything right, he felt like he was entitled but not understanding. There's a lot of grace, because even though you think you're doing everything right, you're really not right. We all are falling short. But then there's this father that demonstrated humility and forgiveness and repentance. So we all are all three parts. We are the person who leaves. And, like, I'm gonna do what I want to do, and I'm gonna waste my money. We are Also the person that accepts people back and when they hurt us. And we are very humble and we give grace, but we also are the person. Sometimes I say, wait a minute, I'm doing everything right. Why I'm not getting all the accolades when I'm doing what society wants me to do. We're that person, too. So even though it's a prodigal son, it kind of shows you the importance of grace. Because we all need grace when we are doing wrong or even when we think, quote, unquote, we are doing everything right. We are always needing some grace from another person.

Yes, very much so. Thank you so much for explaining that. I think it's so important and how that relates to the prodigal daughter. Like you said before, we are all of those characters. So let's break it down character by character. Right? I think it's important for us to start with the good son, the son who stayed that did everything right. What does this look like for you all out there? It looks like going to school, perfect attendance, perfect grades, becoming a surrogate parent for your siblings and doing everything well. Right. In the way in which. Because if I do all of these things, it means that they will love me. Right? Versus not just, you know, being lovable just because you are you. What are your thoughts on that character and how it represents itself for so many black women out there?

Oh, my God, you hit the nail on the head. That character embodies who we are, especially when we follow the status quo. Quo, when we follow the rules, the society rules, that says, this is what you do to be worthy of applause. This is what you do when you to feel worth of validation and permission. And so many times we find ourselves doing everything somebody else wants us to do, but we feel empty and we don't feel validated because we don't understand that we, for example, in corporate America, we are climbing the ladder, but the ladder is leaning on the wrong building. And that happens a lot. And we end up having what society deems as successful. But we're not really feeling that we're following our heart. We're really not feeling appreciated in a way that fills our soul. And so the older son was saying, you know what? I did everything, and I didn't get a party. Which really means that he didn't do everything he really wanted to do. He was doing stuff to get validation and acceptance, but he was not following his heart.

Right, right. That's so true. And then what happens, right, is you do everything perfectly, and then oftentimes you get overlooked. Because the parents are like, we know you're good, right? We know you got everything situated. So I don't need to focus on you, but I have to focus on all of these other siblings that might be a hot mess, right? And so then we feel neglected, right? Then we feel like, what is it that I can actually do to be seen? Right. I'm doing everything perfect. And then we get into people pleasing mode.

Oh my God. You have said you just that that hit me. That is so true. And now we get into people pleasing and we get into achievement chasing.

Yes.

Right. So we think we just need one more degree and then we will get the applause. We need one more achievement and we'll get applause. We need to buy love. We need to do. We need to do that. And so we start performing for love. And every time we perform, we lose a piece of our personhood. And that's what I want people to understand. The people pleasing makes you lose your personhood because it means nothing if a person is attracted to your leadership or they admire your light. But you only get love based on your labor. Oh, that hurts so bad. And that happens when you are the good kid that you get overlooked. You feel invisible. I love what you said. You feel neglected. And if you don't see the pattern, you keep striving and striving and doing more and more and more and you start feeling more empty. More empty. More empty. And so that is what we have to be really mindful that we don't chase the applause. We have a choice. We can have status or we can have ourself. We can have cash or we can have our character. Now you can have both if you know how to harmonize them in a way that aligns with your soul. But that's the problem. We get out of alignment because then we start being hungry for it. And anytime you're hungry for something, you easily manipulate it.

Yes, yes. Honey, don't go to the grocery store hungry. It's got to be a mess, right?

Yes. Right.

Same situation. Okay, let's talk about the other character. The character that actually goes out into the world, right? Because here's what I know. There are a lot of people that either are going to these private schools, these boarding schools, or go off to college and then they think they're hot shit.

Girl, I went to boarding school. I thought, girl, nobody could touch me. I went to these top school. Girl, I'm everything. Right? I'm saying this facetiously, but also because there's something wrong with this mentality of Feeling like you've graduated from your family or that you're better than them because you got out and maybe they didn't. Especially if you're a black person. Talk to me about your experiences because you've also had this path, right, where you had to go and experience, explore the world. And there's something that mentally goes on where it's like, I'm better than these people. I've graduated from them.

Yes. It's just an interesting feeling because you know that you, you, you have outgrown your environment. And we know that if you stay in any place that you have already outgrown, you would die. It's kind of like having a 10 size foot and you shove it in a size 5 shoe. Right?

It hurts. I tried. Right.

And so on one hand, you know you have to leave because the world, that environment is too small for you to stay. But the problem is, is that because you have outgrown that place to leave, you also feel guilt. Yes, you feel guilt because it's called success, shame. And you feel guilt because now you are going to a place that you have to leave people behind. And even though you know that you have to leave, you still grieve. I want people to real that even though you have to leave, you will still grieve because now you're leaving people behind. But here's the problem too. You have to go not only because you have grown, you have to go because you have grown in a way that you're not even accepted anymore in your family.

Yes.

Right. And to be accepted in the family means that you have to take off everything. All the learning, all the education, all the growth and mindset, you have to leave that all behind. So you're in a hard space. Do I betray and becoming or do I try to just leave and feel guilt? So that journey is something that you have to work out. I still want to encourage people to not let what birth you bound you.

Yes. Yes.

Because our history becomes a place of bondage and not a place of cultivation. And it's really a hard place. And you never feel accepted anywhere. So right now, in my family, I'm the first, I'm the first one that went to college, first one that had, that bought a home, the first one that had a business, the first one that got a master's degree. And so even though I was successful, what happens is the people stop clapping for you, they stop showing up for you, they stop being happy for you, they stop cheering for you.

So you not because they don't love you, but because it highlights their inadequacy and their inability to reach their goals and accomplish and attain them.

Oh, my. I love how you say that. So what happens is they start to blame you for their lack of action instead of saying, I can do something if I do the work. But what happens is you get blamed. It's really hard. It's almost like it's a saying that people want your glory but not your story. Or they want what you have, but they don't want to do what you had to do to get it.

Yeah.

And that's the part that people don't see. So it's so painful for me to look at myself and see that I'm not working up to my full potential. That's too painful. So I have to blame you. It's easy to hate you.

Yes. Yeah.

And so you come. I will come around my family and feel shunned, not supported. I could never talk about my achievements. I could never be too happy about my success. And sometimes even when I was struggling in corporate America, I almost felt like they took some pleasure in my pain. Yeah, that's what you get. You know, you are getting too good for your britches.

Right.

If they wanted those painful places to put me back into my place, and it was a very painful place. And being the first, we call it the first, a few are the only of anything is very hard. And if you don't correct that pattern, you get into relationships and you start looking for somebody to rescue you, even though you're equipped, even though you are educated, even though you're talented, you will start dating people who have the intellectual heart's power, the emotional capacity, the spiritual maturity to really be yoked with you, to be evilly yoked. But you're so hungry. So all you're looking for is a person with a heartbeat.

Right. I'm so glad that you mentioned this and connected it with dating, because I know my listeners are like, okay, but this is a dating podcast. Like, why are we talking about this stuff? Because most of you all are going through this path right now, and it's directly related to how you date as an adult woman. Right. Because what happens when you go out in the world? And what Sherrell was talking about in terms of people not being happy for you, and this guilt that you have is actually, you're not playing full out. You're actually limiting yourself, and you don't even know it yet. Right. You're doing accomplishing all these things, but you could probably accomplish so much more. But there's this guilt that if I do that, they're not even going to talk to me. They're not even going to love me. So let me not do that. And oftentimes, because of all of the things that you're accomplishing, that thing is usually your love life. You actually minimize that because you have the car, you have the home, you have the education, you have the career, you have the great friends. Right. You're going on amazing brunches, and you're traveling and doing all of that. And then you leave this whole love piece. Oftentimes, subconsciously, we're doing that because if we have that, we have everything. And if we have everything, there is this primal fear inside of us that our black family that may still be in the hood won't love us because we got it all.

Yeah.

And they couldn't get it all.

You have just shared and explained. Most of my clients. Most of my clients are doctors and pharmacists and lawyers because I'm also in the medical field. And I cannot tell you how many people think and know and feel that they are a public success, but a private failure. And I always try to work with people on that personal life. Because your private pain always shows up in public ways. Right? That private pain. And that private pain is that you feel unlovable. You feel that the more ambitious you are, the less attractive you are, the more accomplished you are, the less acceptable you are. Now, nobody is saying that, you know, with their mouths, but they're saying it with their actions. I see so many women go and date people who have no goals, no dreams, and they become sugar mamas, they become side chicks, they become the secret woman.

Yeah.

And living in relationships where they're not affirmed, we're not invalidated, where they're hidden, all it does is exacerbates those feelings of inferiority and worthlessness. And all it does is make them sink into more shame. And what you do, when you get into more shame, you give up more of yourself. It's almost like a cycle. The worse I feel about myself, the more of myself I give away. The more I feel worse about myself, the more I give away. I know one of my clients is a physician. Her husband has never worked and just had a baby by somebody else. And she stays in the marriage even though she cries almost daily. Why, Sharon? Who's going to love me first? She's beautiful, she is educated, she's talented. But somewhere in her mind, because her family rejected her, society has rejected her, she's dealing with microaggressions and all the other things of being an intelligent, bold woman in the medical profession. She feels this is all I have to offer.

Yeah, yeah.

The man who doesn't love me enough to not have a baby.

On the side.

Yeah. That's such a great segue into the next character. But before we go there, I just want to pause and say, you know, prodigal means, like, wasteful.

Yeah.

And I'm not trying to come for anybody, but if you're not reaching your ultimate potential, then it is wasteful in a lot of different ways. Right. And I know that. I'm sure you're killing it, but you probably could kill it two to three times or even ten times as much if you let all of that go. Right. About your family and where you're coming from and they're at a certain level and you're at a certain level, that it is wasteful in a lot of different ways. And again, I'm not saying that to come for anyone, but just to frame it in a way that I think is important to understand that you have so much to actually offer this world.

Oh. You know, that just. I just felt that when we don't heal emotionally, we become a leaky bucket. And so I don't care. Whatever somebody pours in the leaky bucket, it just falls out to the bottom. And so it's so important to patch those emotional holes.

But let me just stop you right there. So a good example of that is when. Because you've been accomplishing things so much in your life, a good example of that is when somebody gives you a compliment and it goes in one ear and not the other, and you don't even feel it, and you're just like, whatever. Okay, thanks. But not even actually receiving it, right?

Yes. And not only. And receiving that nourishes us. Receiving that compliment starts to fill up those little holes. Right. And what happens is when we are not allowing ourselves to be nourished, when we are not allowing someone to love us, when we have normalized abuse, we have normalized being a side chick, it's hard to step back into our power. And we do squander our gifts and talents and abilities. We do squander all of the gifts that we have been entrusted with. It's no different when the guy's young son took his heritage and he just blew it, Right?

Yeah.

He wasn't right in his mind. He didn't value himself. And that's what happens when we don't value ourselves. We squander ourselves. But here's the thing we don't see ourselves, we need to see ourselves in community. It always takes another set of eyes to rise. In other words, we need to be witnessed. And if you are in a family because you have made it out and people don't like you or don't support you, there's nobody witnessing you. We all need to be affirmed to win. And if you're not being witness, you don't know what you have. You don't value your uniqueness, you don't honor your personhood in a way that allows you to heal, but also to stay in alignment with your head, your heart and your hand. Heart and hand always need to be in alignment. If you're out of alignment in any one of those, you will slowly, gradually self destruct.

Let's talk about this third character, right? The dad, right? This man who is giving, giving, giving, right. And I think that you called it out a little bit with maybe one of your clients. And I think that we do this so often too. When you get out and you start making some money, you start giving it, you start giving it away, right? Because we think that that is love and that that's all we're good for. Girl, I know myself, my own separate bank account for my family because I knew every one to two to three years something was gonna happen and I needed to plot down a few K. Right. I know I'm not the only one who's done that.

Yeah.

Talk to me about that experience for you personally and what you see when that starts to happen to an individual, what that does for her.

One of the things that it was really important to me in that parable about the father. The father gave money but didn't give wisdom. The father gave money but didn't give advice and did not try to give guidance. And I think we overlooked that part in the parable. Right. And when we give money without giving wisdom, money is the easiest thing to give away.

Yeah.

Because it allows us to be invested, but not really, you know, because honestly, when people want something, I'm like, here, I can give you some money, but I'm not showing up, you know?

Yeah, yeah, totally.

So what happens is when we give money without giving our presence, wisdom time, when we keep giving that away, we become more and more detached from our feelings.

More and more detached from the. From what? The person's humanity because we start throwing money at an issue versus seeing the person in their pain. And so what struck me about the parable is that the dad said, oh, okay, here I'm thinking you didn't sit him down and try to have a conversation. You didn't see what else was going on in his mind. You didn't understand asking why he wanted to leave. You didn't ask him why he wanted to, why he needed to not be seen. You didn't ask him any questions. You didn't tell him that you loved him, that you didn't want him to go. You didn't do any of that. You gave the money without a witness of your love. And so that struck me. Now, why is that important? I think we have to be careful as people pleasers, when we are the person who is the most successful in the family.

Yes.

That we just don't give money without any accountability.

And so, yes, we have to say we have to give people grace, but there has to be some accountability. Like, we go to the bank, we're accountable. We can't say, hey, bank, can I have $300,000? They want some resources. Why do you want it? Let me see some history. Do you have the capacity to pay it back?

And you get to ask those questions if you're giving away money, Right?

Absolutely. But we don't.

We don't want to offend anybody. We don't want to be too much, too difficult. No, it's actually your money. So you get to do with it what you please.

Right. But what happens is when you don't feel love, when you don't feel included, when you don't feel belonging, you bargain away your power.

Yes.

You don't make people accountable. And here's the thing. We don't make people accountable. And then we get mad.

We do, we do that.

They don't honor us.

Yes.

And I'm thinking, but you know what? You are selecting your own sorrow because you won't establish some boundaries or some accountability. But we don't do, is that it's very unconscious because we don't understand. We're trying to buy love, we're trying to buy connection. We're trying to show value in the family, in a part of us, if we're really honest.

I was gonna go there. I think we're at the same place.

Girl, tell the team a lot. We get a feeling of ego boost.

It's an ego boost.

Providence. Oh, you need me. I hate it. So part of us, we play into it because it's feeding our ego co creation.

That's right.

Yes. But we won't call ourselves on it. We have to be honest. And one of the things I ask my clients, I always ask them, what are you getting from that? Oh, you're getting something. Every action you do, you getting something. And if they say, oh, I don't know, I'm like, look a little closer. Something. And because I can, be honest with me, I complain. You always coming to me. You always ask me for money. But when they got to me, I got on my little high horse and I told you my feeling. And of course, they always come for me. And I'm the only one. So I was playing into my own dysfunction.

Savior complex.

Yeah. Savior complex. Absolutely. And the more they came to me, the higher on a pedestal I put myself on. And the higher the pedestal I put myself on, the more pain I felt inside.

Yes.

Yes. I was betraying myself, and I know I was looking down on them.

Yes.

And it was painful to look in the mirror and say, you know what, Sharon? You're full of yourself. You're full of yourself. Now they help. They co created the monster that I became.

Right.

But when I recognized I was a monster, it was up to me to be up to unlearn or to become that person.

Yeah.

Because when we are in pain, we don't realize we play into this dynamic because we want to feel needed. Now, what if the father just said to the first son who said, give me all my money, I love you. I don't want you to go. Can you help me understand what I can do to help you stay? Different conversation. And I think so often, even in our relationships, we don't have those conversations. We never ask, baby, what's happening? How can I win at loving you? What am I not getting that you need, baby, how can I show up in a way? How can I speak your love language fluently? Right. We don't ask those questions. We get in our ego. We just go, bye. Right. Versus saying, you know what? I need you and I miss you and I don't want you to leave. The father never said that. And so the son left, blew the money, came back broke and broken, and the father welcomed him back. But sometimes we create our own crises.

Because we don't have courageous conversations up front.

Yeah. I think that's so important. One of the things that I wanted to mention about this when we're talking about the father is that, you know, when the son came back, he was obviously very, you know, welcoming of sorts. But for a lot of prodigal daughters out there, you get resentful real quick. And you are upset with these people that you're giving money to, but there's this conflict, right? They're my family. That's my mom.

Right.

I have to. I have to. No, you get to put boundaries around how you want to be treated. Why are we talking about this giving of money? Right. And this detachment of feelings? Because if you're doing it with your family, your nucleus, your foundation, your definition of love, you're doing it when you're dating.

Oh, God, yes. Money is so important for us to talk about. Money is all about power. It's all about feeling like your priority. It's all about prominence in your own life. Money symbolizes love. It symbolizes access. It symbolizes celebration. Money is really important. And so we might not know or give language to how we symbolize money, but when we give away money, we are giving away not just dollars and cents, but we're giving away parts of our soul. And not that money is everything, but money is symbolic.

Yeah. It's energy.

Energy, absolutely. And even when. That's why it's the energy. When we. When we don't. When we don't feel that we have nothing else to give, we redort to money. But we have more. But we have to. Somewhere along the way, for professional women, for somewhere along the way, we start to lose that. I don't know if we have to lose that because we have to armor up to navigate in a very male, dominant, patriarchal world. Some of that. Some of that for black women. We grow up in a very racialized society where we have to deny our feelings and our emotions to survive. Sometimes it's because we don't align with our family's ethos. Maybe we are same gender loving. Maybe we have a different feeling around faith sometimes. Just because they are your family doesn't mean that they are connected. There's a saying, it's just because somebody is skinned to you doesn't mean they're kin to you.

Yeah.

Sometimes. You know, I know many people, even myself, I felt like. I always felt like an alien in my family. I never felt like I belong.

Yeah.

And so what did I do more? I did more people pleasing. You see, it's a cycle.

Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

It's a cycle. But when I start saying, you know what? I am different because I was made to be purposeful and not predictable. I am different. I am bold, brutal, beautiful and brilliant. I am different.

Yeah.

And I need therapy.

And I need prayer and I need Prozac. I have to tell myself those truths also. That's why when we start doing the healing, because until you can heal yourself, it's hard to be in a healthy relationship with someone else.

Oh, my God, Totally. Right.

You can't even date. Right. Because if you don't know who you are, you will pick someone that doesn't. That's not compatible for you. You'll pick somebody who is. Who's available versus somebody who's suitable.

Definitely.

And that's really, really key.

Yeah. Especially, you know, as we are talking about all of these different characters, there's this notion of.

Better than, less than. Right. Instead of just accepting people for who they are, where they are. Right. And if we're not able to get to that point. Accepted accepting point. It's going to be very hard to really, truly connect with someone.

I just love. You said that. Better than and less than. I think we know we are growing when we can say different from. Yes, that's what I'm different from. Because if you know who you are, you don't have to hate on somebody else. I always reminded myself I'd rather. I'd rather be hated for who I am than to be loved for who I am. Not.

Right.

But until you really step into that and let that resonate throughout your body, then you can be comfortable and then you will stop the better than and the left than. And you go from different from.

Yeah, different. I love that. Different from. Okay. So I know my listeners are like, okay, you're calling me out. You've snatched my edges. My wig is all the way gone. I'm dead, girl. Have you been looking at my life? You know, my entire life? You know, we're solutions oriented here.

Yeah, yeah.

What are some of the things that my listeners can do to come home? Yeah.

I love that you say come home to yourself.

Yes.

And that is the longest, sometimes hardest journey, but it's the most gratifying journey. One of the things I think we have to do is to.

One of the questions I always ask my client first. Awareness. The question is, why am I acting this way? Why am I acting this way? Awareness. Because the thing is, if you can't fix anything, you can't acknowledge awareness. And then the second question is, why do I keep showing up? What am I gaining? What am I giving? What am I losing? Is to ask is. The second question to analyze is what do I really need? That's the third question. What do I really need? What I'm really yearning for? What do I really long for in my situation? One of the things I had to be honest and say, I really longed for feeling like a contributing person in a family. I long for that. And I had to say it out loud. I had to say, I really want to feel like I belong just because of me. And that's hard to say. The fourth thing is to acknowledge that there's a wound, but address it and address it is something that you do individually, meaning that in your own reflection, your own examination, but you do collectively.

Why?

Because we don't see ourselves. We need people to help us understand how they experience us.

Yes.

So we heal individually and collectively. And then we have to have some way to have some feedback loop to see are we making progress. Because if not, we can have a lot of movement but no momentum. You know, that's the wrong thing. I love what Malcolm Epsom said, is that if you don't really look at your history, you'll keep moving and think you're making progress and you're not. I think that those are the things. Let me come aware, let me ask myself some questions without judgment. Let me analyze what do I really need. Let me acknowledge and address it, and then have some ongoing journey. That's why we need community.

And that's the problem. We can know what to do, but we need to practice on being our new self. It's kind of like some of my clients, and I'm sure yours too, they tell me, oh, I read the book, but you can read the book about swimming. You don't know if you can swim until you jump in that water.

Right.

And that's the part that people don't understand. Yes, they need to be with me and you one on one. But it's something about being in a community where you see that your experiences, you're not alone, but you learn from other people. Yeah, we are interdependent. But if we are cloaked in shame, that we can't put ourselves in a space where we can be supported, where we can be confronted, we can be cheerful, where we can be provoked. Conversation is wonderful. Sometimes we gotta be provoked.

50, 50, right. In a safe place, we won't move, we won't grow. So I want people to know that you need to do your self work. Self work. I call it self work. Then your individual work, like one on one, and then collective work. Because you live in community. You don't. You got in relationship to yourself.

That really, really important.

I love that so much. The way that I think about it, I actually think about it in, like, in terms of different characters. Right. So that older, good son that did everything right. What I want that prod. What I want that person listening right now is to start doing things that you haven't done before. That you can't be perfect at that. You can get into, have experience not being the best, asking for help, right. Being vulnerable, all of those things. All of those things are important when you're in a relationship.

So if you've never played tennis before, sign up for that tennis league, get some lessons, right? Look like a fool for a little bit. It's not going to kill you. You're actually going to have some fun with it, right. More than anything else, for that person who has left the village, right, and wants to come back, you've got to realize that your family, you are not better than your family. You're not.

That there are some. Whatever experience that you've had, there is some commonality there that you cannot break even if you want to. Right. And your job is to actually hone in on those similarities, that common ground, and really connect with those individuals on those topics. If the relationship is healthy, that is right.

I think that is so important. Something you said is connect on those issues. I think when you come back, you don't have to leave what you learned behind, though.

That's right. That's right. That's exactly right.

Yes. You did a lot of failure because failure is wonderful. You have lessons, so come back, honor who they are, like you just said, but don't leave those lessons behind, but find a way to integrate all those different parts of you. Because sometimes you can teach people and be taught by people. If you come, like the father said, what is spirit of humility?

Exactly. This is the thing, because in any relationship that you're going to enter into, it's going to look like that he's going to have to learn you and you're going to have to learn him. And so you need to get into the practice of finding what that common ground is so that you can move forward and progress together, right? So these are all things that are going to help you get closer to your love goals through working with some of the individuals in your prodigal daughter experience. And then finally, right, for the father, if you don't feel good about giving that money, do not, do not.

Don'T. I don't care who it is. It's as simple as saying, I don't feel comfortable, you know, giving you that money at that time, at this time, right. Don't. Because you, if you do this and you're resentful about it, the relationship will change and it will never get back to where it was before and you've done yourself a disservice and the other person a disservice. Because you have actually, you've had the control of where this relationship was going, and you chose to do something and abandon yourself and actually not prioritize your needs and focus on somebody else's, which is a disaster when it comes to dating and relationships. So y' all stop giving that money. Use that money instead on yourself. Use that money to get somebody to clean your house. I don't care if your family says you're uppity or bougie. Right. Use that money to get an electric toothbrush or, you know, or, you know, do SoulCycle instead of Planet Fitness, whatever that is for you. Right. Honor yourself. Use the energy that you've created to create that money on yourself and feed yourself and make sure that you're whole. Right.

That is so important. And I want to add, everything you said is so good and so relevant, and I want people to know to use the money to continue.

Their healing journey. You. You never arrive. See, I feel like you graduate from college, you never graduate from healing. Right?

Right.

Graduate from healing. When you. When you show up in the casket, you never. You never stop growing, because the more you learn about yourself, the more you realize that you don't know.

That's right.

So if we. So take some of that money and while you getting your hair done, get your head.

Right, Right, exactly.

Working on your body, work on your spirit. While you are working, you know, making sure your body is all shined up, make sure your heart is all cleaned out. And we got to make sure that we know that we continue to do the internal work, because your internal work is the greatest investment that you would ever make, and it will pay dividends in every relationship that you will ever have in your life.

So true, True, So true. So true. Oh, my gosh. What a great way to kind of wrap it all up. Thank you so much for having this so this really important conversation with me, because I feel like millions of women out there need to hear this and understand that, one, they're not alone. Two, there are ways to get out of this journey. You're not stuck. Right. And three, you're beautiful. You're amazing just as you are. Thank you so much for just being here for my listeners who want to learn more about how to work with you, specifically, how can they connect with you?

Yes, everything is my name on all social media and my website is Sharron Jamison. Sharon S. Spell it out. F, H, A, R, r, o, n. So sharonjamison.com J. Jamison is j, I, m, I j a m, I s o n Whiskey Jeron Jamison and I would love for people to connect with me. I sent out a weekly newsletter. I would love for them to touch base with me and we can follow each other on social media. But I have two specific programs that I would love for them to consider. One is called you can depend on you. And it's based on my first book. I can depend on Me is all about the process of understanding your own power, your own agency. Understanding how you were created and molded, how you were influenced and socialized and theologized out of your strengths and how to go back home to yourself and how to depend on yourself. And depending on yourself does not mean doing it alone. Depending on yourself means that you have the ability to go get what you need so that you can not only step in your healing, but sustain your healing. So that I can depend on me. It's called you can depend on you. That's a six week program. And then I have a six month program called I dare to be me. And that program is for trailblazers, visionaries, people like us, people who are ready to shatter glass ceilings, to challenge the status quo, to decolonize their thinking, to define how they're going to be in relationship with others, to define what love is, to co create relationships with other people, to define how they're going to show up in the world so that they can have a call and a career however they want to do it. However, whatever makes your heart sing. And I call it I dare to be me. Because it's risky. It's risky to be your full self. It's risky to follow your own conscience and not the crowd. It's risky.

Yeah.

Risk is always easier than regret.

Yeah.

And so I get to be me. It's a six month program and I have people to come in, other speakers to help people walk that journey because honestly I feel that. And you can tell me from your perspectives. There are a lot of people who do coaching. They are more like a travel agent versus a tour guide. A travel agent says, hey, it's over there. Go over there and get it. A tour guide says, it's over there and I'm gonna walk with you right hand in hand. And I feel like I am not a travel agent to healing. I am a tour guide.

Yes, same.

Yes. I can tell by just your presence. Lock hands and lock hearts and we're gonna go together from the mountaintop celebrations but also those deep dark valleys. And that's why I keep my programs intimate so we can do work.

Yes. Oh my gosh, I love it so much. Y' all. Hop on this, please. Hop on it, y'.

All.

Thank you so much for being with me today. This has been magical.

I am so grateful. Honestly, just talking to you, I felt some healing happen in my spirit just from being here with you. Thank you so much for the work you're doing. Thanks so much for letting me be here. And thanks so much for for healing me today. I had some healing because of my time with you right now. Thank you.

Amazing. All right, Much love to you.

Much love. Talk to you later.

Bye.

Hey, girl. Thank you so much for listening to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com or subscribe and leave me a review. Wherever you listen to your podcasts, talk soon.