Q1 Tiktok Viral Review

Hey, girl. Welcome to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

Hey, ladies. I hope you're doing well. It's warming up outside. And that means that we gotta get outside, honey. But I wanted to share with you some of my more inspirational, aka viral TikToks of Q1 that hopefully will inspire you to get outside without further ado. Here we go.

Girl, whatever you've been taught about dating, I want you to do the complete opposite of it. Why do I say this? Because most of the advice, the programming conditioning that you're taught in Disney movies or rom coms are wrong and keep you disempowered. So I wanted to share with you what I've learned as a dating coach for 13 or 14 years now and as your fairy God brother. What? What I have learned that help my clients go from, you know, upset and frustrated and single to booed up, happy, and ready to rock and roll because they've learned how to do it differently for a different result, you got to do the opposite. So what does this mean? It means that, girl, if you have butterflies, that is a bad sign. That's a stress response, and you shouldn't be feeling that with a guy. And if you do, he's not it. And if he were it, you would be with the guy that is giving you butterflies, but you probably aren't. Number two, if you are having sex with guys because you think that they're gonna like you more when you do that, please understand that they're actually gonna like you less because chemically, their bonding hormone, their vasopressin, is going to decrease, which is going to make them want to disconnect with you. Three, if a guy is calling you unscheduled, he doesn't care about you, he's not thinking about you and prioritizing your convenience. He's thinking about what's convenient for him, and he's probably not the guy for you. Four, if he is making moves on you on the first date, he's probably grooming you, which means that he is not being respectful of your boundaries. As someone who gets women into relationships every week, oftentimes I hear he didn't make a Move on me until day two or three or even four. Those guys overly respect your boundaries. That's husband material. Number five. If you are thinking that you need to be some guy's peace, don't do it, girl. You want to stress him out. Why do I say this? Because when you stress a guy out, his vasopressin will increase and he will actually feel more bonded to you. So when you hear a guy say, be my piece, girl, don't be his piece. Stress him the hell out. Next. Women are the leaders in their relationships. I know a lot of people are like, men are the leaders. No, girl, they're not. You are the emotional leader. You create the emotional depth of your relationships, and you set the pace of the relationship based on your boundaries. I always say it like this. If men are driving the car, you are either the go pedal or the brake pedal, or you are the woman in the passenger seat that has a GPS and creates the direction of where the car is going to go. Nothing happens without you. This is important because I want you to stay empowered in your love life. Next. What I also want you to know is that the days are gone where you are only dating one guy at a time. You're going to need to date at least three guys at a time. I call it Olympic dating. I want you to date a gold medalist, a silver medalist, and a bronze medalist and see who wins. Yeah. Also, I want you to date based on compatibility, not chemistry. Chemistry is dangerous because guess what? The toxic and narcissistic guys can have chemistry with anybody. And you're gonna think that y' all are vibing because y' all have great chemistry. No, he has chemistry with everybody. You want to prioritize compatibility, emotional intelligence, right. Respective boundaries, nurturing, attention, unconditional love. Those are boyfriend skills that I want you to be evaluating. Chemistry fades within 18 months. Chemically. I want you to be dating for 30 to 40 years from now, not just because he's hot right now or that y' all are vibing. Now. This is very different than maybe what you have been taught before. But please understand that when you do things this way, you will actually create much more success in your dating life than. Than if you just listened to what Disney told you. I hope this helps. And if you want to learn how to date differently for a different result, definitely book a consultation. Call with me.

Girl. I'm going to need you to stop looking for the one. And I know that's crazy coming from a dating coach, but please hear me out. Why do I say this when you're focused on the one. You will actually create love, scarcity, mindset in your dating life. And you will hold on to guys, like, longer because they have the looks, the career, the education that you have imagined that your person would have their resume instead of the person that they are. I call it gracism. You're giving grace to these guys that actually don't deserve it, but because it looks or sounds the way that you want it to sound, that you will give them more time and more chances. The other thing that I want to offer to you when you're looking for the one is R1, or the concept of it is really based on our bonding patterns. And if you're a woman of color, your bonding pattern will be focused on your relationship with your black mother, who is often in her toxic masculine energy and a narcissist. So you will be ultimately, like, attracted to narcissism. Intellectually, no. But, like, emotionally, yes. That's why it's, like, difficult to, like, focus on the one instead of, like, looking for the one. I want you to be eliminating the negative ones. Mathematically, it's a positive, but as your fairy God brother, I want you to be doing it differently. So what does it mean to eliminate or repel the negative ones? So in terms of masculine energy, don't text him, don't call him, don't do anything. Let him pursue you, Let him chase you, let him court you. There are no talking stages. There's only courting. Yeah. Also, how do we eliminate the negative ones? We don't pay for any dates. We let him pay for everything. Right. This will help us understand. Does he have the finances to actually provide for you in dating, in relationships, and potentially marriage? The 5050 guys, they're out immediately. Thirdly, how do we eliminate the negative ones? We eliminate the narcissist. And the way that we eliminate the narcissist is in two ways. One, we set a lot of boundaries. You've heard me say, stress him out. We stress them out positively by setting a ton of boundaries. Narcissists can't handle your boundaries. They will flip out. Number two, we also become very vulnerable. We share our feelings. Our feelings are the things that are very hard for narcissists to actually hold space for because they are detached from their emotions and they are emotionally unavailable. So once you're able to do that, you will be able to eliminate those narcissist negatives and all the other negatives. Let me know if this helps you and helps you think about dating differently. Stop Looking for the one and start eliminating the negative ones. When you do that, please understand you will become the chooser and not waiting to be chosen by the one. Huge mindset shift. And I hope that this is helpful for you.

Girl. Black women need to stop dating based on love and romance. And I know that that sounds really controversial, but I need you to just hold on for a second. Now if you talk to your Indian sisters, Middle Eastern sisters, some of your white sisters, your East Asian sisters, they date differently. They date a bit based on status. I don't necessarily think that that's entirely how you need to date, but. But I do think we need to date differently. Now, where does this love and romance concept come from? Well, in the 15th century in Southern France, these chivalrous knights would put game on these women ultimately to compete with some of these rich, noble men because they were getting all of the women. So please understand that romance is a strategy, that romance is a strategy for lower status men trying to get women. And oftentimes black men will use romance. Today we call it swag, we call it smooth, we call it chill, mysterious. To get women, please understand that they are compensating for things that they don't have. Now, I'm speaking specifically for black women. Because of our enslaved histories, we don't have nobility. So all we had to do was marry and couple based on love and romance. That's why we see it in our grandmothers and in our mothers. I'm letting you know in 2024 and beyond, you don't need to do that. You don't need to do it. And now I know y' all are into the sprinkle sprinkle lady. And you think that that is the answer? I actually think that that's an over course correct because it actually denies and ignores certain parts of being in a successful, healthy relationship. So the way that I think about and how I want black women to marry and date is based on safety. Safety from a physical standpoint, an emotional standpoint, and a financial standpoint. Physical meaning, does he make sure that your body is safe? Does he walk you to your car? Does he walk on a certain side of the sidewalk? Right. Is he always facing the door when you're at a restaurant? Is he able to advocate for you when you are handling the micro and macro aggressions that you have to endure on an everyday basis? Emotionally, is he able to respect your boundaries and hold space for you while you are being vulnerable? From a feeling perspective? Financially, does he make enough money to feel stable and self actualized? So he doesn't feel like he needs to humble you. The interesting thing about black women is actually single black women make more than single black men. And oftentimes what happens is single black women will often be in the caretaking role because they're making more money. My rule is if he doesn't make 80% or more of what you make, you probably shouldn't be with him again. I want you dating and marrying based on safety and not just love and romance. And I know that when you do that, your relationships will actually last longer and be healthier. Now, I know this is a concept that goes against everything that probably you've been taught, but I hope this is helpful for you to be open to the possibility of doing it, doing it in a different way. If you want to learn how to work with me and to date differently for a different result, definitely book a call with me. Girl, I'm at the airport. I'm about to hop on a plane, but I wanted to spill some tea for you. Now, if you're a black woman and you want to know if a non black man is into you, all you have to do is check out his hair. Now you know as your period godbrother, I have put you on game. Game. Game. Game. Game. Right. What did I tell you? I told you if he is talking to you for more than three minutes, he's probably into you. I also told you that if his hair non black feet are pointing toward you, honey, it also means that he's into you. Body Language 101. Now I'm going to put you on game. Hair. It's all about hair. Why? If he has a non conventional hairstyle, it means that he is totally okay and comfortable with living outside of social norms. So you want to check out if he has an unconventional hairstyle. Let's talk about it, girl. If he has long hair, he doesn't care. Now that hair has to be past his chin or longer. Anything shorter than that and you just don't know, girl. If he's got a man bun, if it's longer than his chin, he's into you, girl.

Now most of you already know that the redheads, the gingers are into you, honey. If he has red on his head, take him to bed, girl. I don't know what it is. I always say that the redheads are the blacks of the whites, girl. There's a kinship there. So if you see red on his head or really, girl, no shade, any interesting or different color. Like if he's an Asian guy, And he has blonde hair. He's probably into you, too, girl. The next guy that is into you, girl, is the bald guy. Now, heed my words, girl. If he's Bald and over 35, then he's probably into you. But if he's bald and younger than 35, he's probably in the skinheads, girl. No shade. Now, if you want to look for a guy that's younger than 35, he's got to have a buzz cut. Yeah, real military grade. That is a guy that's probably into you, girl. The guy that's checking for you is the guy that's lined up. He basically has a black hairstyle, girl. But you got to be careful of them, especially if they're white chocol, girl, because they're dangerous. You already know. I don't think I have to tell you.

Girl. I hope that this was helpful for you. Now, if he doesn't have these hairstyles, proceed with caution, girl. Like, I don't know what to tell you. Let me know if there are other hairstyles that you see and that you know that when you that guy has it, he's checking for you. I hope you had some fun, girl. I think I cracked the code on dating, and I wanted to share it with you because I know that when you actually have this cheat code, you're going to thrive in dating and you're going to have successful marriages. Okay? So hear me out. Now, I tell my clients all the time as a dating coach for 14 years, but also as your fairy godbrother, that I want you to evaluate men based on pie. Physical, intellectual, and emotional. Now, hear me out, girl. You're going to have to date the mid guys. Mid physical, but top in everything else. Intellectual and emotional. That is the cheat code, girl. That is how you are going to get your husband. Many of y' all are trying to date the hot guy to make yourselves feel pretty, and that's not going to do it. Why? Girl, the hot guy is not it one. He thinks that his choncha and punani is better than yours, and he thinks that he's the prize, and so he will never pursue you. And it's competitive to get him. 80% of the women out there are trying to get him. So he's always going to have other women chasing him, and he's always going to get attention everywhere you go. Now, I don't know about you, girl, but that would breed a lot of insecurity for me. And I know for many of you all, it would be the same Date the mid guy physically, but top intellectually and emotional. Why? The mid guys are going to work hard for you. They are going to pursue you. They are going to do things for you. And if a man truly loves you, he will have to do more for you. Right? And no shake, girl. The mid guys put it down, girl. They're hitting the walls, girl. Examples of mid guys, nerds, short kings. The mid guys are giving it and it's less competitive to get them right. Why am I saying this? And I'm hearing you already, Ladies, I've tried the mid guys. It doesn't work. They treated me bad. No, girl, you tried the mid guy who is mid in every category, not just mid physically. You're going to have to really evaluate the intellectual and the emotional quotient to make sure that you're getting the perfect mid guy to be your husband. Okay? Because you got to be the pretty one. He can't be prettier than you. That doesn't make sense. It's not natural. Now, some of you girls out there, no shade. Are going for the oogly guys and you're over course correcting to try to get more control and to feel like you have a lot of guys in your roster. Don't do that because the oogly guys know that you are insecure and they know that they are not in your your sphere. They will treat you worse than the Hawkeyes will. Beware though, and I want to say this with a lot of caution. Don't sleep with the oogly guys because no shade. They got the best D girl out there. That's why all the hobosexuals will always have a place to live because they're putting it down and you might get dematized. Yeah. Anyway, let me know if this is the cheat code and if I'm spilling tea or if I'm totally wrong here. Girl, if you want to see if a relationship is going to fail, watch their social media. What do I mean by that? So if you know a couple that's dating and they're posting once a week or more, please understand that they're trying to validate their relationship and probably one or both of them are cheating. The best relationships don't post because they have great boundaries and they don't need that validation. Now, if you see married couples posting, let's say, anniversary post, if that post is really long, please understand that marriage probably has six months. No shade. Why am I saying this? Because again, this is about validation. Now, if a guy is saying things like We've been through ups and downs. Please understand it's been all downs. If a guy is basically giving a girl a Purple Heart, please know that that girl has been through a war, okay? If a guy is talking about what she does for him and just names all of the things that she's doing for him and not necessarily who she is, please understand that he doesn't like her and he's using her as an unpaid intern. No. Shade? Yeah. I'm sharing this with you because I know how many of you might get triggered by some of these posts that you see from couples, but please realize that most of them are not going to work anyway, and you're probably happier being single than they are being in a relationship. I hope this helps you while you navigate social media and I wish you all well.

Girl. Black men are the hardest group of men to date. And if you don't believe me, you can look at the divorce rates. Black men that marry black women get a divorce rate that's at 100% higher than the average. Black men that marry white women are at a 200% divorce rate increase. Black women that date non black men are anywhere from 20 to 44% less in divorce rate. Why am I saying this? I'm saying this because most black women are dating and marrying black men. And there are certain challenges involved with that that I think are important. So I wanted to share those with you so you understood. Am I saying that I don't want you to be with a black man? Not at all. Two thirds of my clients actually end up with black men. But I want to make sure that you're vetting them very well so that you get healthy, healed black men. Okay. Okay, so what am I talking about? First, let's talk about mom, girl. In the 90s, 75% of the households, black households, were single mother households. So black men generally have two relationships with their mother. Either they were a mesh, so entitled, and they think that they're the prize and they are looking for women to be mothers or their mother was very highly critical, judgmental. So a lot of black men are actually running away from black women because they're running away from their mothers. So a question that you want to ask if you're dating a black guy is his. Ask him about his relationship with his mother. Yeah. Okay. Number money. Unfortunately, because black men are less educated and some, you know, systematic prejudices, racism, discrimination, Black men are not making as much money as probably they need to be, but also they're making less money than black women. So and this is the only kind of racial group where this happens. And so it is very hard to find a black man that is making more than you. And if that is the case, oftentimes black men will feel emasculated and often try to humble you and control you because they don't feel like they're in financial control. So that makes it a little bit challenging when you're dealing with black men. You want to ask him what he does, right? You want to ask him, and then you want to glass door that mofo girl. You also want to ask him how many people he manages. Right? Because if he can't manage people professionally, you probably can't manage people personally. Thirdly, you want to ask about the men in his life, his mentors. A lot of black men actually don't have many mentors. So it's really weird to say, and it feels very archaic, but it's very true. And it is this.

A man is looking for an alpha man to kind of check him. That is kind of the order. Orders of Operation Pen Das, if you will, in terms of how to kind of raise a man. And so if he doesn't have mentors, a father, other elders to kind of keep him in check, he's going to be out here kind of roaming the streets like many of them are. So you want to ask him who are his male role models and mentors? Okay. Fourthly, you have to understand something. There are 100 black women to 88 black men. So what that means is. And if you went to college, you understood this gender ratio gap. It means that oftentimes men have more power because there are fewer of them. So it means that they're going to have lower commitment rates and higher abandonment rates because they're going to have other women waiting for them. Which isn't necessarily the case for black women because there's so, so much more of them. And if you are in a bigger city, it's going to be even worse, right? It's actually like 20, 25% more black women than black men. So it makes it harder to date them. So when you're asking about kind of his commitment level, you want to ask him how many relationships he's had that has lasted more than a year. Okay? And finally, the reason why it's kind of harder to date black men is because of the micro and macro aggressions that they have to face, similar to what the aggressions that you have to face. But oftentimes those things will lead to depression and anger for men. And they might Bring it home. Which can make it very hard for black women to be with them. So you want to ask them how they deal with those sorts of aggressions on a daily basis and how they manage it mentally, intellectually, emotionally. I hope this is helpful as you evaluate black men. And also, I want you to date everybody. Right. I know that the biggest flex in terms of being able to find success in your dating life is to be able to date everyone. I hope this helps as you navigate your dating journey. And if you want help with that, definitely book a call with me.

Now, I'm pretty sure you've heard of boy pretty and girl pretty, but I wanted to talk a little bit about man pretty, because not a lot of people are talking about it. Now, when I say boy pretty and girl pretty, if you haven't heard about it, this is the notion that what girls think are pretty is different than what boys think are pretty. But I want to, of course, you know me, Mr. AP, give you a third dimension. Girl, as a dating coach for 14 years and as your fairy godbrother, I want to put you on game. I want you to understand that there is a difference between boy pretty and man pretty. And man pretty are the ways in which men who are ready for a relationship are viewing how you look and how you present yourself. Okay, now, am I saying that you got to do this? No. What I am saying is that what you think you have to do actually isn't probably going to attract the guy that you want to be with. Okay, so let's get started. Okay, so for nails, girl pretty is like the designs. Oh, my God. You know, the girl who has all those crazy designs. You're probably gonna get a lot of compliments from girls. Boy pretty is like red nails or even, like, white nails. And in the black community, white nails right now means freaky tiki. If you are wannabe man pretty girl, it's all about that French manicure. Yeah. That is what the girls are giving when they are about to get their guy, honey. Okay, okay, so we talked about nails. Let's talk about makeup. Okay. Girl pretty is, like, contour up the wazoo, lashes galore, all of that. Boy pretty is, like, done up with, like, a red lip. Like, pretend you went to Sephora and you had one of the girls do you up. Yeah, that's boy pretty. Man pretty is clean face nude lip, potentially even just gloss. Okay, so that is makeup body.

Girl pretty is thin. Right. If you look at all the magazines, all the magazines that are focused on women are all focused on Thinness, Boy pretty is like extreme curvature. Yeah. So like bbls, like 54, 12, 54. And man pretty is in between those. Yeah. So in terms of clothes. Right. Girl pretty is like.

Like really unique high fashion. Boy pretty is like fashion nova. And man pretty is like Banana Republic or like Lululemon. Yeah. So why am I telling you all of this? I'm telling you all of this so that you understand that like, man pretty, the guys that are interested in a relationship are not putting a lot of emphasis and weight on your physical beauty or attractiveness. That ultimately it's a small part of how they are evaluating you. They're focused on the average of all things. They are giving Goldilocks all up in here. They're focused on what's inside, how who you are as a woman. Right. Are you healed? How do you communicate? Right. How do you connect intellectually, emotionally, not just physically. The guys that are hyper focused on physical attractiveness, the boy pretty, those guys aren't ready for relationships. Pretty much, yeah. That's why I'm sharing this information with you more than anything else. Your looks really don't matter as much as you think that they do. I hope that this was a helpful video for you. If I've missed anything as it pertains to man pretty, let me know in the comments.

Girl, one of the biggest scams I see that women go through when it comes to dating is how they've been conditioned to date. And it's all about focusing on one guy. Now, you see this in Disney movies, you see this in rom coms and Hallmark movies. And here's the thing. Anytime a woman wants to do something different and date multiple guys, she's given the scarlet letter and, you know, labeled a whore or a slut. The guys have been doing this for centuries. So, girl, this is about wanting to be chosen instead of doing the choosing. And as your fairy godbrother, I want you to do it differently. So I want you to do what I call Olympic dating. I want you to have a gold medalist, a silver medalist, and a bronze medalist. And you cannot stop dating until you have your podium filled. Why is this? Well, here's the thing, girl. The best investors have always diversified their portfolios for the best returns. And I want you to do the same. I want you to diversify your love portfolio so that you don't become broke or broken. Okay? Now this also protects your heart because, girl, if Paul is not doing what he's supposed to do, girl, you need to talk to Nigel and you need to talk to Anthony. Right. So that you can keep your dating life fluid and always moving. Most girls start and stop because they're focusing on one guy and it kills all of their dating momentum and all of their dating results. I want you to do it differently. I want you to be the chooser instead of waiting to be chosen. And being the chooser is feeling empowered in your dating life and being the CEO of your life. A lot of women are acting like the interns wanting to be chosen and doing the hard work to hopefully get that internship and that full time position at the end of the summer. Don't do that, girl. That's the guy's job. They're supposed to prove themselves to be a worthy boyfriend for you, not the other way around. If you want to learn how to be in your CEO era in your love life, definitely book a call with me. I hope this helps. Girl. You can learn a lot about a potential partner based on the profession that they have. And I know some of you are like, oh my God, I don't want to talk about work while we're dating. I get it, girl, but please understand that you want to talk about what someone does and why they do it. Now, I've been a dating coach for 14 years and I want to share with you the things that I've learned about professions and dating. Right? And as your fairy godbrother, you know I'm always going to put you up on game and spill all the tea that I can for you. Okay? So ladies, if you are a teacher, a nurse, a flight attendant, an hr, dei, doctor, therapist, social worker, nonprofit, I want you to understand something. You are in a very nurturing career, which means that you are centering people all day, every day. And that's going to translate into your romantic relationships where you will put him number one and you will be a second class citizen in your own actual relationships. That's why if you're in these professions, sometimes it can be a little bit hard. What I want you to do and your opportunities are actually to learn how to take up space and to center yourself in these relationships so that you can attract a man that is in his true masculine energy who wants to serve you, because that's what true masculine energy wants to do. Now, for the guys that I want you to be cautious of, I don't want to say avoid, because I think that's very strong. But be cautious of the guys that are in the following. Police officers, firefighters, military surgeons and pilots, lawyers, and also pastors. Why? Because many of them have God complexes. When you have other people's lives in your hands on a daily basis, or you believe that you do, you will think that you are holier than thou. That will translate back at home in the relationship. And he will expect for you to serve him in the same way. And when you treat him like a partner and not a God, he will want to humble you. He will want to treat you badly, to remind you of your place. So these are the kind of professions that I want you to be really cautious about. The professions that I love, that I like, that have been quite successful are engineers, guys in tech teachers, accountants, and blue collar workers. Now these are the ones that work hard, that are in a service mindset, that are focused on you and also focused on problem solving. Let me know your experiences with these professions and if you need any help kind of navigating your dating life, definitely book a call with me. Hope this helps.

Girl, you're never going to be ready for dating. And the reason I say that is because I think it's important for you to understand that part of your healing and growth journey is going to happen while you're dating, like a quarter of it. And then another quarter of your healing and growth journey is going to happen when you're actually in the relationship. And a lot of women take themselves out of the dating game because they feel like they have more, more opportunity to heal and more opportunity to grow, grow and get their lives together. Girl, if you're 50% ready, girl, put yourself out there because you will only grow and heal more while you're dating. Now, with that said, I still do think it's important for you to be best prepared for dating to get optimal success. And I wanted to share with you some of the unconventional things that I have seen as a dating coach for 14 years and also as your fairy godbrother that will help you that not many people are talking about. About. Okay, so number one, I want you to focus on procrastination. Many of us are procrastinating because we are scared and we let fear take over in our lives. And one of the reasons why I'm talking about this is because dating is about kind of like the Hunger Games, the second movie, where it's like all of these pitfalls, like, you have to be able to avoid the pitfalls. And part of avoiding the pitfalls is avoiding the narcissist and dating. And when you are controlled by fear, you will actually attract narcissists because they will know that they can control you because you will get paralyzed by fear. So we got to work on procrastination. If you got something to do, do it, girl. Don't procrastinate. That's number one. Number two, we need to start lowering our walls. Why do I say that? I say that because women that, or anyone really that have high walls will actually give more people grace benefit of the doubts and opportunities because they think, oh, there's someone like behind that wall, there's someone else there. Instead of taking them for who they are because they know that they have their walls and they want someone else to see beyond their walls and see that there's another person there. When you have your walls lowered and you are showing up as your authentic self 100% of the time, you will see people for who they are and be able to cut them out immediately, which will keep your dating momentum. That's number two. Number three, you're going to have to do a relationship inventory. You're going to have to look at all of your relationships and you're going to need to figure out which ones you need to take out, which ones you need to have conversations about to actually have your needs served and which ones you need to talk about and let them know. Thank you so much for showing up for me. Why many of us are staying in relationships that don't fully serve us because we have history or because, you know, they give us attention. And that can be really dangerous because what you're teaching yourself is, I am okay being in a relationship where my needs are not fully met because I would rather have something even if it isn't fully serving me, than nothing. This is the definition of love, scarcity, mindset and cutting that out and leaning into the relationships that fully serve you will help you in your dating life. When you are focused on only guys that are going to fulfill and serve all of your needs. That's number three. Number four, you're gonna have to find the fun little girl inside. Many of us have had our childhoods robbed because we've been raised really quickly and had to. We were either parentified by our parents or we were given a lot of responsibility. And that has kind of permeated throughout our entire lives. But actually we gotta make dating fun, right? I'm in this fashion because I'm about to find a little fun boy inside and play tennis because that's what I like to do. When I was between the ages of 8 and 12. I want you to find the things that you like between the ages of 8 and 12 and start doing those things. When dating is fun, you won't take it as seriously. And if you don't take it as seriously, you actually won't be triggered as much. And when you're not triggered as much, you will actually continue to have more momentum in dating. Because to be honest with you, dating is 50% staying in the game. And most of us are starting and stopping and killing all of our dating momentum and all of our dating results. I hope this is helpful for you. And if you focus on those things, you will be best prepared to have success in your dating life because you're going to avoid all of the pitfalls.

Girl, Nigerian men are very tricky to date. Now, the reason why I'm doing this video is because every time I go on live, there's always a question about, well, what about Nigerian men? And so I wanted to share with you that some of the things that you might want to look out for when you are being courted or dating a Nigerian man. Now, Nigerian men are really great in a lot of different ways. They are one of the most educated immigrants in the US they make great money, more than their white counterparts. They are very charming, very caring, and they have a provider mindset. Now, with that said, a girl, you and I both know that Nigeria is one of the biggest scamming countries in the world. And a lot of Nigerian men will try to scam you. And so I want to make sure that you have some ideas around what they might do so that you can protect yourself. Number one, if he's asking for money, it's a no. Nigerian men are very proud and providers. So if he's not providing for you, then he's not serious about you. If he's not asking you over to his, his house, then he's hiding something. So it's, it's probably a no. If he says he loves you in the first two weeks, it's a no. It means that he's like, he likes you and that he's love bombing you. Right? I always. Nigerians are infamous for love bombing. I always say that's why you'll find Nigerians anywhere that there's oil, honey. Nigeria, Middle East, Houston, they use that oil to love bomb you, girl. Yeah. Now with that said, he might say I love you in the second month, he might really mean it. But in the first couple of weeks, it's a love bomb. Okay? You will also have to do detective work. And I know a lot of romantics don't want to do that with a Nigerian man. You will have to do that because he may lie to you. Why he might say that he's divorced and he might still be married. Yeah. So you'll have to do detective work. You'll have to give your best. Olivia Benson Hunting. You have to also understand his emotional capability. A lot of Nigerian men are blunt and might invalidate your feelings. So you want to make sure that he has the emotional capacity to be able to be a great partner. The other thing is they're very traditional, so they don't want to go back and forth with you. If you're opinionated and you like to debate, it probably won't be a good match because he will try to humble you. Okay. Now you want to see is he actually incorporating you into his community, specifically his family? So if you haven't chatted with his family, specifically his mother, in the first, like, two months and make sure that it's his mother, he's probably not serious about you. Right. Some women will think, oh, my God, he's introducing me to his friends. He likes me. No, his friends are enablers. They don't care about you.

The other things that I have learned are be careful. If he's the only son or the oldest son, the family will be very protective and be very harsh and hard on you. Yeah. And then also because they're provider men, a lot of times that comes with strings. And a lot of Nigerian men will cheat. That's why I'm saying you're gonna have to do detective work to make sure that, you know he's not cheating on you. Because culturally speaking, that has been something that has been accepted in terms of what a man needs. And then finally, you want to ask him about his, like, relationship past. And the reason I say that is because if he is focused on just African women and you're his first African American woman or something like that, he might not be taking you seriously, and he might be using you and playing you. Another way to protect yourself is to bring elders into the actual courtship. Because culturally speaking, it's families talking with other families. And bringing an elder with you, like, introducing him to an aunt, a mom or dad within the first couple of months will help you realize that you have other people around you, supporting you, and that he can't just play in your face. Okay, I hope that this is helpful. Let me know in the comments if I've missed anything. And stay safe out here, ladies.

Girl. Black parents need to let their black daughters date. And I know many of them think that they were protecting you by removing you from the whole dating scene, but they were actually doing more harm than good. And the reason I say that is because dating is like a war. And if you don't have the right protection, if you don't have the right weapons, you're going to get hurt and you're going to get hurt bad. And oftentimes that happens with a lot of black women who are navigating dating because they never had the experience. Most of them have been taught to keep their head in the books and to stay away from boys because they're only focused on one thing. And most boys are right. I'm not gonna lie to you. Some aren't. And even experiencing those boys and having boundaries around that is really helpful. Now, the reason why it is really difficult for many black women to date is because they lack the experience. Their white counterparts don't have that problem because those girls are dating at 11, 12, and 13. So they're having. When they get to college, they have five, six years of experience and they are in a position to actually lean into relationships. More significantly, for Black women and black girls, that's not necessarily the case because they don't have the experience. Many of them, because of religious reasons or other reasons, are dating on the DL. So they're ashamed of dating. They're also isolated, which is also dangerous because you need people around you while you're dating. Less confident, more awkward, don't know how to flirt. All of these different things makes it hard to move through your dating and relationship journey. And then what happens is like, when you get to college and afterward, your parents are like, okay, well, when are you getting married? When are the grandpa? When are the grandkids coming? And you're like, I don't even know how to do this thing.

It's a very frustrating situation. So I'm here to say it's not your fault. I see you. It sucks. And I'm sorry for the miseducation of your dating life. Or the better, better yet said, the non education of your dating life. This is one of the reasons why I do these videos. It's one of the reasons why I have the get your Guy coaching podcast. I hope that you listen to this and you educate yourself since you weren't properly educated. And I hope that you send this over to your kids when you're ready to have that conversation with them. I always say, when you're ready to have the talk with your kids, it's important to couple this talk with your daughters. I hope this helps.

Hey girl. Thank you so much for listening to the get yout Guy Coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com apply or subscribe and leave me a review Wherever you listen to your podcasts, talk soon.