WWA in Dating

Hey, girl. Welcome to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

Hello, hello, hello, everyone, and thank you so much for joining the get your guy coaching podcast. I have been away for a while, and that is because a girl needs vacation. Rest is so, so very important as we continue to do this thing that we call life. So I had the pleasure and the blessing of being able to take my family to Europe. We went to Paris and Amsterdam and London. And then when we came back, I actually, my partner and I went to a Beyonce concert in Nashville. So we have been out in the streets. So. But I'm back, and I know I haven't been doing a podcast in almost a month's time. I hope that you can forgive me. But, yeah, I'm here and I want to talk about something that is so, so, so important. And I did a recent video on TikTok about this, and I had all the white women mad at me, but I had to talk to my. To my black and brown sisters out there about the reality of how I want you to show up in your love life, and that is with white woman audacity.

I know you all know what I mean by that. It is doing whatever the hell you want to do and assuming and expecting that people are going to do for you. And I want you to have this energy in your dating life, because that's when you're going to get the most out of it, and that's when dating can actually be fun. Now, there are a lot of things that will hold you back from getting this mentality, and so I want to talk through that because I. I know that once we're able to overcome that, dating is going to be fun. You're going to have all of these suitors coming for you in the most positive ways. It's going to feel like Bridgerton with all of these suitors, and you're going to feel like the prize. So without further ado, let's talk a little bit about why I want you to date with WWA White woman audacity. Here's the thing.

White women live in a world that was built to protect them and their feelings, and they have the privilege of being portrayed as innocent and well meaning, whereas maybe black women or other people of color are forced to accommodate them or else they'll be punished for failing to prioritize a white woman's feelings over their own needs. But we have to take over that role. We have to be able to prioritize our feelings and let these men prioritize our feelings as well. Because in 2023, that is what a healthy relationship with a man and his healthy masculine energy is going to look like. And I want to make sure that you are experiencing that. So let's talk a little bit about how white women are raised and how that is different than maybe black women or brown women or other women of color. So I know that many of us have been out and about, either at a store or maybe at a bus stop or train stop, and you've seen a white kid act out, you know what I'm talking about, girl, she's yelling, she's saying no to her parents and she's setting boundaries, right? Letting them know what she wants and what she doesn't want. And her parents are respecting that and honoring that. And we know that we could never do that, right? You could never say no to your parents, especially your mom. You could never, like, have an episode or emotional, you know, dysregulation in some way, shape or form.

Or you would get punished even more, right? They have had the opportunity to explore the entire spectrum of their emotional.

Emotions, right? They're from sad to mad to angry to excited to braggadocious to whatever it may be. Unfortunately, many of us have not had that same opportunity. And this affects how we actually interact in our adult romantic relationships or adult relationships in general, right? They've. They've had the gentle parenting. They've been able to say no. They could run around. For many of us, we had to sit properly, we couldn't move around, we couldn't be silly. We had to be serious. And because of that, we've had to kind of stay in a box. I'm letting you, right? I'm letting you know right now, I don't want you to stay in a box and dating. I want you to be and encompass and embody the fun, playful girl that didn't have any boundaries.

Meaning, like she could do anything, right? And explore all parts of herself and express all parts of herself.

Because white women have this experience growing up, they're able to engage in their relationships much more differently and their life, let alone the macro factors that are happening in society that allow them to do this. But let's talk a little bit about what this looks like now, because I think that this is really important. What it looks like now is that, you know, white women are navigating the world differently. They. They believe that the world is theirs, which is a huge and stark contrast to.

What many black women, or at least what they told me believe and feel. They believe that they are literally renting this world, not owning it. And so what I want us to do is own your life, own this world. So what does this look like in white women audacity terms? What does this look like? And you and I both know that when a white woman's walking down the street, she rarely moves out of the way she expects you to, right? In an elevator, she rarely pushes the buttons for herself and asks other people to do it for her. Or she will take her pets everywhere and expect people to treat her pets the same way that they are supposed to treat her. I recently was on a train to Amsterdam and this woman literally had her big ass dog in the hallway and everyone had to step over.

Was a 5% inconvenience for everyone else. And she didn't even think twice about it. She actually laughed about it and thought it was funny. This is such a great example of white woman audacity, right? Another. Another thing that we see a lot. So many women in the workplace or in other areas are not apologizing, are not making themselves the bad guy immediately or as so many of us have had to apologize to placate or appease our parents or other people in the world to get through and to get by. I don't want us to do that in love. And I know you're like, amar, do you want me to be a bitch? No. Do you want me to be a Karen? No. I want you to take aspects of this mentality so that you can own your own love life. And if you followed me for a long time, you know that I'm all about being the CEO of your love life, telling people what you want and what you don't want and letting them do the work instead of being the intern and doing all of the work and trying to prove yourself to another person to try to get the job. Ladies, black and brown women, you are not the intern. You are the CEO. And the quickest or the earlier that you understand this and start to embody this, the better. So let's talk a little bit about.

Kind of the difference in mentality between white women or white women audacity and black women and how they're raised and how they think about some of these things. So white women expect everyone to do for them. Now, please. Huge generalization here. But the majority of time this is true. Yeah. It's not every white woman. So I don't want my white female listeners to listen and be like, f you, Anwar, if this doesn't apply to you, then you don't need to holler. Yeah. But this is the experience of many of us, and I want to stay true and honor that experience. Okay. So she expects everyone to do for her. Can you open the door? Can you get me a drink of water? Can you get me your manager? Manager? Can you do all of this for me? Right.

Black woman expects that no one's going to do anything for her. So she doesn't even ask.

And she also doesn't ask because she doesn't want to be a burden. She has been programmed and conditioned to believe that any sort of thing that she wants or needs, one, it's too much, and two, that people are not going to do it for her.

And here's the thing. There are many people that are not going to be able to do for you in love. But I want us to ask so that we are actually very aware of what their capabilities are in showing up and providing for you. So many of us don't and then are being courted or talking to someone for three months and realize, this guy's not doing anything for me and I'm doing everything, and you get sick of it and burnt out and overwhelmed. We got to start from the beginning and start asking for a lot of different things. Okay. So that's one thing. Another way that I think is a mentality shift or a stark contrast between white women audacity mentality and how black women are raised is really that at the end of the day, white women expect to be cherished. Expect for people's eyes to light up when they walk in the room, as Toni Morrison once said. Right. Whereas black women demand respect.

And that's very different energy. Right. Demanding respect is all in the masculine energy.

That I need to be respected not for who I am, but for what I do. Yeah. This is especially true professionally and definitely true in a lot of other relationships as well. Whether it's parental, whether it is friendships. But I need people to respect me because we've grown up to see oftentimes so many times our parents, our loved ones, our people be disrespected that like, we're grasping for a level of respect and in love, and that's necessary in life. But in love. I don't want us to do that. I want us to be cherished, which means that we don't have to do anything. We just have to be. No doing, just being. And allow people to do for us. If they're not doing something, ask them. People are not going to be mind readers. You are going to have to express the things that you want. And that's really difficult if you are, if you have not had the experience of doing that and doing that often. It's one of the things that I really do hammer home in my, in my program. You got to ask for this. Let them know what you want, exactly what they want, what you want, and see if they can do it right. Yeah. Okay. So another mentality shift that I think is important is white woman audacity tells me that everyone's gonna do things for me.

I have that expectation. Whereas for black women, their expectation is that they have to do everything for everyone.

And that is exhausting. Right. Where did we learn this? It's generational. I mean, it goes all the way back to when we.

Came here to the US to America, and we had to do everything for everyone and we couldn't have our needs met or honored. And that pathology continues through generations. Right. We see our mothers, we see our grandmothers self sacrifice and bend over backwards to do things for the kids, for the church, for the community, for the husband, for the parents, for the siblings at work.

For everyone.

And they don't say a word. They don't complain, but they don't get their needs met. And then they end up angry inside and resentful.

Many of us are following into those, into that path, and I don't want us to do that. And what it requires is us asking the question, hey, can you do this for me? Asking for help. You know, recently I did a poll on social media about like, what's the hardest thing for you to do? Say I'm sorry. Say I love you. Say I need help. And like 80, 90% of the actual answers were, I need help.

Yeah. Asking for help is a quintessential foundation of the feminine energy. Allowing people to do for you. And love is everything. Because a man is going to want to feel valued by you and the way that he feels of value is to do for you. But if you're mis, independent, if you're not allowing people to do anything for you, carry your groceries, bring you something when you're sick, change your, help you, fix your garage, take out your, your trash, whatever it may be, he's not he's not going to feel good with you, and he's going to find women that he can feel good with because that's ultimately what he wants to do. He wants to feel good. And feeling good for him is pleasing you. And pleasing you means pleasing him, making your life easier. And this is for men that are in their healthy, masculine energy.

This is why I want you to ask for help. And I know it sounds really scary, but what if they don't do it? If they don't do it, they're out and we move on to the next guy. Girl, this isn't about, like, expecting them to do it. It's like forcing them or expecting that they will do it. The expectation should be, yeah, you'll do it for me because I'm worth it. But if they don't do it, it's not the end of the world. It just means that they're not your guy. Because here's the thing. Your future husband will do everything that you ask of him.

I know this to be true, okay? So I hope this helps to clarify some of the mentality and how we can think differently so that we can be in our WWA era.

Let's talk about this in reality. On dates or dating, what does this look like? This looks like when you're dating, that he calls you. You don't call him. This looks like when you're in your WWA flava era, that he texts you, you never initiate text messages. This looks like when he wants to call you, he needs to ask for consent and he needs to schedule a time to talk with you that's based on your convenience. We don't accept calls randomly. Right, because that's not based on your convenience, that's based on his. Right. That means that you, you set a lot of boundaries. You ask him to do things that is going to make your life easier. For example, I have a client right now. Her guy lives about an hour and a half away from her. And I said, no, he needs to come to you for the first few dates. And she was tripping at first. And I was like, no, girl, that's the expectation. Your future husband's going to do this. So she finally asked.

And he's been meeting with her and driving to her. No complaints. You have to ask though, right? The other thing about location, the location of the dates should be based on your convenience. Now, if you want to go halfway, that's fine, but he can come to you. And it is actually, for the right guy, going to make him feel good, good to do this thing right, you're not a burden. You're worth every gallon of that gas, girl. Okay? But this is how I want you to date. This is how I want you to be in your white woman, audacious era while you're dating this year. I hope this helps as you begin to do dating a little bit differently. Right. I'm not saying I want you to be a Karen, but I want you to take the mentality, I want you to take the expectation, I want you to take the self centeredness so that your needs get met. Because if those needs are not the first priority, you will be giving and they will be taking and you will be butthurt at the end of every time that you date somebody because you chose to do it in a way that doesn't fully serve you. And I don't want that for you. I know that it can be different, but here's the caveat that I want you to understand.

It most definitely can be different. But don't expect the majority of men to be able to meet you and your new desires, wishes, needs, because most of them aren't going to do it. Please understand that only about 3% of guys will get to a third date with you. Most single men are not ready for this. And it doesn't mean anything about you that ultimately you being in your white woman on audacity is actually going to help you filter out the men that are not ready, or as some of you call them, the dusties.

This is going to help you in dating. You're not a bitch. You're clear about what you need, what you want. Your boundaries are completely clear, or at least they should be. And if you need help understanding how to navigate in this way, definitely book a consultation call with me so that we can get you all set up. But it's important to date differently for a different result. And that's what this is all about. Ultimately. Please understand. Right, Because I know that you're like, I'm not super secure in dating. I haven't dated for a while, like for a long time. I don't have that much experience. I might be a late bloomer.

Many of your white counterparts have been dating since the 3rd, 4th and 5th grade. I know that many of you just started dating in college after you got away from your parents. So they have a good almost 10 year start or a head start on you when it comes to these things. So they've mastered these things. It's, it's important for you, especially in love, to get your, your toes wet, right? To get used to doing this and practice these things as you're meeting guys online and even offline, especially with the guys that maybe you're not fully into, right, that you feel neutral about.

If you're just starting out with your wwa, you don't want to start out with a guy that you really, really, really, really like, right? You got to get your bearings. You got to get your WWE dating legs under you a bit so that you can really do this and be practiced and experienced in it and master your wwa. Okay? I know many of you all are like, oh, you're crazy. I am. But I get results, girl. And if you want results, definitely book a call with me. I hope this, this session helps. I hope this episode has helped you think about things differently. And I just want the best for you. And I know that this mentality, this energy, is going to get you everything that you want in love and in life. With that said, be well and I'll talk with you soon. Bye now.

Hey girl. Thank you so much for listening to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com. apply or subscribe and leave me a review. Wherever you listen to your podcasts, talk soon.