You are Worthy of Asking For Help!

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

Hello, everyone. I'm so happy that you're listening today. In today's podcast, I wanted to talk about asking for help. Recently in my Facebook group, Get yout Guy, I asked all of the amazing women what would be the most difficult thing for you to say? And the choices were, I love you, I'm sorry, and I need help. And surprisingly or for me, unsurprisingly, like, 80 to 90% of the women said that they had the most trouble asking for help. That's why we're talking about it in today's podcast. So why are we so troubled or challenged in terms of asking for help? I think it's a couple of different reasons, right? I think we don't want to be dependent on others. I think that we don't want to be a burden or this notion of reciprocity, right? That if somebody does something for me, it means that I have to do something for someone else or that I owe someone else, and no one wants to feel like they have to do something. Right. Also, it's this fear of loss or of control. So again, if I do something for you, then it means that someone has power over me or control over me, and I don't have my own agency. And then finally, I think it's because when we ask for help, I think that we've been conditioned to think that it makes us look weak. And I don't think that's the case. But I know that sometimes we have those thoughts in our head. And so I wanted to talk about that a little bit, just to bring them out into the air and really acknowledge them. So where do you think that this comes from? In my research and in the work that I do, I know that it comes from one specific place, and it's really about not getting your needs met as a child. I want to repeat that it really comes from not getting your needs met as a child. The things that our parents did or didn't do still has an effect on us. Now, I want you to think back when you were growing up, and I want you to finish these questions. I wish my mother did more of.

I wish my father did more of.

If you're able to answer those questions, then you'll realize that there are times and instances in your childhood where your needs were not being met. Specifically for me, I was heavily into sports, so I always had sporting events and sporting games, specifically in tennis and basketball. And while I was doing those sports, specifically in high school, I went to a boarding school. My mother never went to any of my games, maybe one out of the hundreds that I had done. And that was a need that was not being met. Granted, she was working a ton and trying to survive in her own life, but the result for me is that I felt like I wasn't being seen and that my needs were not met. On the flip side, my father abandoned me when I was in third grade. I was like 8 years old. And so again, it was this feeling of not being seen, not feeling valued enough to be reached out to. You'll have those specific things for you. When you have major disappointments and people not stepping up to the plate in your mind, you're going to think, I can't rely on anybody, so I just have to do it on my own. But here's the thing. To get into a successful relationship, you're going to have to rely on someone. And that's okay. That's what successful relationships are all about. It's not the identity of me, it's the identity of we and us. Another thing that I want to offer to you. I want you to really not just verbalize the needs that haven't been met, but I want you to really own the shit and feel your feels, right? I don't want you to shame how you're feeling. I don't want you to judge it because all of those things made you feel unworthy in some way or another, right? All of those experiences, all of those untapped or unmet needs, don't shame it. Don't judge it. It's there for a reason. It's there to be addressed, and I want you to address it. And I'm hoping that this podcast helps you acknowledge it and start to address it in a way that will help you get your love life back on track in terms of asking for help. I want you to think about it in this way. Let's say you're working and you're kind of doing your thing, and you get asked to do this hard assignment. Now, you have two paths that you can go by. You can either power through it right and do it a good job, or you can ask for help and do an amazing job and, you know, asking for help and knowing, you know, what your supervisor wants or what the C level executives want for your presentation, all of those different things to help you get the best end product.

Now, I want to shift the way that you're thinking about asking for help. Okay? So we talked about you at a job working. Now I want you to think about the CEO of a company. The CEO does nothing. Okay? They do some things, but they mostly ask for help on everything. They are delegating every little thing or else the company doesn't function. They're asking the COO to handle operations. They're asking this CFO to handle all of the financials. Right? The CEO is the one that asks for help on everything and because of asking for help, is able to get more things done and is also able to alleviate things on her plate and to make sure that she can focus on the things that are the biggest priorities at that moment.

I'm talking about a CEO because I want you to be the CEO of your love life. I want you to be asking for what you want and what you don't want, what you desire and what you don't desire. Also, what you deserve and what you don't deserve.

Relationships, by nature are partnerships. And that means that in partnerships, you have to help each other. Like I was saying before, if you can't ask for help, you are automatically going to be in an imbalanced relationship where you're giving more than the other person. So let's talk about what this looks like in real life. In your real love life, when you're too busy giving and not asking for help, then what I know happens oftentimes is that you get resentful. And with that resentment, you become untrusting of men and of yourself. That doesn't serve anyone. Also, when this happens, for a long period of time, deep down inside, you may feel like you're not worthy of actually being helped. Because no one is helping you, because you're not asking for help. Right? See how that cycle goes? It's a terrible one. So I want you to break it. Oftentimes, what I know about very smart and successful women, and men too, is that sometimes we don't ask for help. Not just because we don't feel like we're worthy of it, but because asking for help ruins our reputation. We're more comfortable giving the help. Because when we give the help, that's the thing that makes us feel good about ourselves. It gives us a slight ego boost. I don't want that just to be the case for you. What I know for sure is that how you do one thing is how you do all things. So if you are doing this while you're dating and in a relationship, that's not going to work out for you too well. If you don't allow a man to help you, which is what he's wired to do and actually gains pleasure from, he'll feel like he doesn't have a place in your life and he'll leave or he'll get disinterested and he won't be leaning into the relationship. On the flip side, if you're giving, giving, giving and not receiving, there are some men that will take, take, take and not give anything to you. And then you wonder why you're attracting these toxic and narcissist men. And I want to just point out this is definitely the case for a lot of my nurses, teachers, and hairstylists out there that are used to giving in their everyday work lives, right? I don't want that for you. I want you to do something different. And here's how I think we should change the pattern, right? And cut it. I want you to communicate differently. What does this look like? It means going public, girl, not staying small. I think oftentimes a lot of women that I'm working with are very secretive about certain parts of their life, even if they need help on it, right? Because they don't want to look like they're a mess. I want you to tell your friends what's going on with you. I want you to tell your family members what's going on with you. And trust me, I get it. I don't want my business in the streets. I'm not saying you want to tell everybody. Tell the people that have proven themselves to be trustworthy, tell them what's going on. Tell them where you're struggling. Tell them where you're actually rocking it out. Right? Also tell them that you're looking for a boyfriend or a husband. A lot of women are not even speaking that basic truth. So how can you have allies to help you get promoted in your love life? Because that's what I want for you. So communication. Go public, girl. Tell your tea, tell your truth.

What else can we do to help break this pattern? I want you to start receiving. Speak it loud and speak it proud about your accolades, about what you've been able to accomplish, and be open to receiving the compliments and the congratulatory statements. I know that there are some of you that just cannot take A compliment. Girl, stop. Girl, when somebody compliments you, say thank you or say, that's nice of you to say. It does not hurt you to accept a compliment.

And actually what I want to offer to you is that.

The people that are giving you compliments actually feel good about it. And when you accept it, you're actually accepting not just their compliment, but their observations and them.

So, girl, let's start accepting the compliments so that the people that are complimenting you can feel better about themselves. Okay? The third thing that I want you to do to start breaking this pattern is to get a mentor, right? It can be a relationship coach like me. It can be a therapist. It can be an experienced married woman or even a group of girlfriends going through the same similar love journey. This will give you the opportunity to communicate in a safe space and also be able to tell everything that's going on with you so that you can get the help that you need to attain your love goals.

I know that some people feel like I don't think I need a coach, and that's fine, right? But I want to offer to you that even the best people in their fields have a coach. Oprah has a coach. Viola Davis has a coach. LeBron James has a coach. And they listen to those coaches because they know that they can't do everything on their own and that they need a different perspective to help them level up. In my coaching practice, I'm helping my clients not just for a couple of weeks, but for six months. Because what I know is that change doesn't happen overnight. Often it happens periodically, every week, a couple of percentage points, right? But by the end of the program, the women that I'm working with are completely transformed. And their love lives reflect that transformation. They're happier, so they're attracting happier, higher quality men. And the way that they're dating, their confidence is up, leveled as well, because they have all of these guys wanting them and they start to realize how amazing they truly are both internally and externally. So, girl, get a mentor. It is going to help you get to your goals as quickly as possible. And finally, what I want you to do is start really working on that worthiness, that thing that's not allowing you to ask for help because you don't feel worthy of the help. So how should you do this? How should you work on your worthiness? Girl, I think you should treat yourself, treat yourself, do something, because you love yourself and enjoy it. I think oftentimes for the ambitious type A women that I work with, they're not going to treat themselves unless they actually accomplish something. A reward is very different than a treat. A reward is I've done something, so now I'm worthy of something. A treat is I am who I am and I deserve this because I am right. I want you to start treating yourself every week because those treats will be a representation of your self love, right? And that self love will seep into your subconscious. Don't trust my word for it. Try it out for yourself and reach back out to me and let me know how it goes. Anwar get your guy coaching.com I want to hear from you. So girl, the bottom line here is.

Ask for help. Get into the practice of doing it right even this week. Ask someone for help. Ask someone to help you with something in your home. Ask someone to open the door for you. Ask someone to get something for you while you're in the grocery store that might be out of your reach.

Start with small asks so that you can get comfortable asking for help. So when you get into relationships, you asking for help doesn't feel like this strange phenomenon. I also want to challenge you to ask for help within your friendships. If there's something that you want, ask for it. If people are not reaching out to you the way that you want to be connected with them, ask for better communication. Ask for them to call you. Ask for them to text you. This is about you not just waiting to get your needs met, but but for clarifying exactly what your needs are so that they can be met. This is how you set yourself up for successful relationships and that's what I want for you. All right, my loves, I hope that you got some value out of this podcast and I just want to say I love you and I hope you're rocking it out this week and I'll talk to you soon. Bye.

Hey girl, thank you so much for listening to the get yout Guy Coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com. apply or subscribe and leave me a review. Wherever you listen to your podcasts, talk soon.