Your Million Dollar Self With Gail Keyes Allen

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy Coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

I never felt the way I do without anyone but you.

Hello, my loves. Thank you so much for joining me today. I have a very special guest with you. She is the fairy godmother of life coaching. She is all the things. Gail Keys Allen, thank you so much for being on the get yout Guy podcast.

Thank you for having me. I'm really excited.

I'm really excited for you to be here, too, girl. I can't. Here's the thing. I want to tell my listeners that Gayle and I have been Facebook friends and coach friends for a while, and she posted this amazing post that I think got a lot of attention. And I was like, I need to talk to her more because she is thinking about love, dating, life, relationships with such a broad mind. And there are no limitations for you. And I love that. And I think that you have so much to teach the listeners and just so many people. So first, do you want to introduce yourself and tell the people what you are a fairy godmother of, and then we'll talk a little bit about that post.

Yeah. I call myself the Fairy. I'm Gail Keys Allen, as you said. And I call myself the Fairy godmother of life Coaching because I create magic with my clients and we find their inner badass, and then I help them go after whatever they desire. And it just so happens that most of my clients either want a business or they want to make more money or they just want to have a better relationship with themselves.

Yeah.

I mean. And so I help them do what I say is the impossible. And I bring my magic wand to the call. I got it right here.

Yes.

I got it right here.

Magic wand.

Yes, girl. Yes. And the reason I say it's like magic is because their mindset changes so much that they almost don't recognize themselves. And it happens in a pretty quick amount of time.

Yeah. So let's talk about this post that you gave for the world to see. Right. I think it's always really hard to put yourself out there and to be vulnerable. And I think it's the same with dating. And oftentimes when My clients come to me. They have, like, no presence on social media. They do not want to be seen. They want to just, like, hide and play small. That have really put themselves out there. And I feel like you really did that. So do you want to kind of let the listeners know what you did and what the aftermath and response was?

Yeah, I've been practicing just showing up bolder and bigger and just letting the world see the different aspects of me that I would normally have kept private.

Before you go into that, why did you feel like you needed to do that for yourself at this moment?

Because that's what I help my clients do. And for me, I wanted to go deeper with it for myself. So I had been working on that and showing up more online and, like, my newsletter and posting and all of that. But I kept it professional, you know, and I thought that.

And you were given that face. Yes.

Yeah.

And I just decided it's time to give people some shock value, like, to just surprise them. Because I think, first of all, I have to say that I'll be 65 in a couple of days. And most people do not feel.

She doesn't look 60, y'.

All.

I wanna let you know, for the people in the audio, she got a Mohawk. Skin is flawless. Honey, everything is on point.

I just wanted to just. I wanna show women what's possible for them, and I wanna show women that life does not end at 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, you know, and that they have a lot to look forward to, and there's a lot that they can do, no matter what happened in the past. And so I just felt like by putting myself out there in an honest, bold way, that message would come across. And so I just decided to put a picture of me and my friend, the guy I'm dating, my boo, whatever you want to call him. And I stated on the post that he's 24 years younger than me, and it got a lot of attention. It took off in ways I could not have even imagined. Like, that whole week, my mind was kind of blown, because, first of all, people see me and him and they think, oh, I'm so happy for you. It's so nice you found love. Well, I didn't say I was in love. I just said that I'm dating him. So it was really interesting to me how people took it and projected their.

Own stuff onto you.

Yes.

Right.

Yes.

Because that's what they do all the time. Right. And I just want to let my listeners know that you need to be very careful about who you are. Speaking to. With regard to your love life, because your friends and your family have their own MO and they're going to project their own BS onto you, Right. If they feel like you need to be pregnant because they want grandchildren and they don't really care about how you're feeling or what you want, that says something. It's very telling. So be aware of that. Go ahead, Gail.

Yeah, so I think that's such an important point. And it was an eye opener for me because I never said I was in love. I never said, you know, this was like this serious thing. I mean, we're good friends, we love each other, but we're not like, Goo Goo Gaga romantic love. And which I love that because there's respect there. We have a great friendship, but it doesn't always have to be this like, oh, I want to get married kind of love. You know, there's different levels to love. And actually I date other people. He's not interested in dating other people, but I told him I am because we're in different places in our life, and he's still cool with that. So, I mean, to me, this is like a perfect example for asking for what you want.

Yeah.

And, like, I have made it clear I don't want to get married again. I've been married before. I want to have fun. If I want to date somebody, I'm going to date them. I don't. It's like, I'm going to do me the way I want to do me, and I get to define what that looks like.

And I love that so much because I think some people think, like, I have to date to get married, and that is not the case. You don't have to do anything. You can date just to date. You can date just to talk. You can date just to have sex. You can date just to go out. Right. You could date to have an activity partner to play tennis with, to go to the movies with. Right. To try that new bunch place out or that wine bar. You can just date. You don't. It doesn't have to be a mission. It doesn't have to be a. I have to do this to do that. You can just be present and in the moment.

So. And that's a level of freedom that I didn't have when I was younger because I didn't realize it. It's like society doesn't give you permission to. To do that, you know, And I gave myself permission because none of my friends date younger. You know, I don't really have. I mean, they think oh, that's cute. That's, you know, good.

Right?

Whatever. But I gave myself permission to do what I want to do, to date who I want to date. And just like you said, it could be sex, it could be friendship. This guy I met a couple years ago, right before I lost my hearing in one ear, like, maybe 10 days before I lost hearing in my. My ear. It was called sudden hearing loss. And he called me every single day and checked on me and encouraged me. He's a good guy, you know? And so that's why I said there's a friendship there too, and we really care about each other, but he actually thinks I'm so amazing, he doesn't even care if I date other people because he said he's not going nowhere. So we have a lot more power than we realize. And I just want to encourage women to step into their truth and into their power.

Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that, because I'm always. And I want everyone to know out there that it is about how they show up for you. Right? And the good, the bad, and sometimes the ugly moments. Right? That is the focus. That's the priority, first and foremost. And then I want you to evaluate if you guys are a good match or not. He could have easily shown up for you, and then afterward, you. Maybe it wasn't a good match, right? But we got to figure. We got to know that they're showing up for us first and foremost. And the other thing that I want to say is I think sometimes people are walking on eggshells because they think, oh, I don't want to ruin something. I don't want to mess something up. So I'm going to just, like, play in this really small box. But you can't do the wrong thing with the right guy. Right? You can't mess it up. You can act a fool, act out, do whatever you want to do.

Right?

It won't ruin it with the right guy. And I think you're a perfect example of that. Okay, well, girl, we got into your personal tea and your personal business a bit, but now I want to get a little bit professional and talk more about what you do and how you help your clients get amazing results. So talk to me a little bit about kind of how you elevate them or level them up.

I give them permission to pay attention to what they really want and to be what other people might consider selfish, but I give them permission to tap into what they really desire and then honor that and go after it. And so we work on their Thoughts about themselves, about being honest with themselves, because so many of us are afraid to speak out loud. What we want. I think that we think we can't have it. And we. And a lot of times we've been told we can't have it, or we think, oh, it's not sensible or rational or, I don't know, it's like we put ourselves in this box of what we can and can't have. And I say, you can have anything you want. Yes, you can have anything you want. But it starts with claiming it. And it's amazing to me. The fire, the magic behind just declaring what you desire. I just see over and over, once you have the courage to declare it, it's like the universe starts moving in your direction in the direct of what you desire. It's just amazing.

So let's get into this a little bit, just for everyone who is out there. Gayle's program is called the Million Dollar you program. So, girl, what does that even mean? What does Million Dollar Self? What is that all about?

What it means to me is that you become your most elevated self, the highest level of who you can be, who you desire to be. Instead of playing small, you claim what you want and then you go for it. Like an example, today I posted that I bought a peloton bike, okay? And it was delivered today, actually. And the old me that was playing small would have said, oh, I don't know if I should spend that much money. I don't know. You know, does it make sense? I could maybe go to the gym and not spend. And I even had a friend say, well, you know, there's a monthly charge for that. And I said, million dollar thinkers, million dollar earners. People that show up like they're a million dollars don't nickel and dime what they desire. They go for what they desire. And then you figure it out. Yeah, figure it out.

I love that. I know when I'm thinking about my own history, right? We used to grow up and everything was about what you got on sale, right? That was like a source of pride, right? Especially, I think, especially in the black community, right? And for us, like my mom and my grandmother, we would go to thrift stores every weekend thinking about the deals that we got. And so in my head, I felt like this was normal.

That, like, oh, I get stuff. I get secondhand stuff. And thrift stores are amazing and I love them and I go to them often. But I think it gets ingrained in us that because this should be our normal, that we can't strive for something more, greater, more expensive. And we equate those things to our self worth too. Right? So I think you're so on point with that. Yeah.

I started giving myself permission for what I wanted. I hired a stylist, a really expensive stylist. And you know, and I started seeing myself in a different way and other people started seeing me in a different way. And that really helped me to realize that as women and men, like you said, we're conditioned to a certain thing. But I just decided I'm having a photo shoot and it was an expensive photographer and the stylist and got my hair cut and I just invested and poured into me. And when you do that and the way you feel is elevated and that energy allows you to make million dollar decisions, you know, and so that's what million dollar you is. And it's not just about money, right? It's about claiming your time. It's about setting boundaries, you know, and when you put yourself first and you really accept that you are worthy of these things, then you become more appealing to men. It's so crazy how that happens.

I try to tell people, I try to tell people all the time. That's it. That is it. You have to be self centered in this love game. You have to. Because if you're not, then the spotlight is on him. And with the spotlight on him, he's going to respect you less. He's not going to be giving you as much attention, he's going to be ghosting you. He's going to be hot, hot and cold.

Right?

It's about you. And I think that sometimes, to your point about women, right. That we are taught that giving is love, right? That like helping other people is love. But when you sit on your throne, right, thank you, fairy godmother. Right. And you allow everybody to do what they need to do to make sure that you're happy. Queen, that position is where you want to be in love and really in life. Talk to me, fairy godmother.

Well, men want to take care of you.

That's true. That's right. They're wired to do so.

Men, they want you to ask for what you want. I'm telling you, they want you to. And so many women, I hear them say, oh, I don't need a man to open my car door. I don't need a man to do this. You might not need him to do it, but why can't you want him to do it right?

Or allow him to, Right, Queen status.

Yes, totally. Totally. And I think for the most part, men find that way more desirable than when a woman is like, oh, no, no, no. But I like to be spoiled and I allow men to spoil me.

Okay. Spoiled fairy godmother.

Spoiled girl. Spoiled with a T. With a T, girl.

Yes, yes. I don't have no shame in my game about that. And I've gone out with guys that are like, I just love to take you out to eat. Cause I just love to feed you. Or I love to take you here because you enjoy it so much and you appreciate it.

Yeah.

And when you expect it, they rise up to it. That's the thing about it. Because I asked a guy to meet me at a restaurant. It's an expensive restaurant, but that's how I roll. Okay. And I didn't know he didn't roll like that. So we get there and he's like, yeah, well, this isn't the kind of place I would normally go to. But you know what? You're showing me something. You're teaching me something.

Yeah.

Maybe. Maybe I should open up to this a little more.

Yeah. And here's the thing. Men want women to up level them right in their heads. They're like, the women are the civilized creatures of this earth, right. And they want to become more civilized. So they're going to be looking for women who are going to help them expand themselves. Right. Not just in career, not just in wealth, but also in health. Right.

So for you to be able to.

Say, we're not going to eat that trash food. Right. We're actually going to eat something healthy. We're going to take care of your body.

Right.

Those are the value adds in a relationship that so many women can feel if they're understanding. Men actually are appreciative of that. Now it's all in how you communicate that.

Right.

That's the key. And that's what I work with my clients on. Okay. So we were talking about million dollar self. And it really sounds like it's all about kind of tapping into that person. You want to be that future self, Right. So how can we start to do that? Right. How can we start to tap into the million dollar self or the future self?

The way that I teach my clients is I ask them to look at their desires and then look at where they want to be. Say one year. We start with a year.

Okay.

Who is the woman that you want to be a year from now? How do you want to dress? Where do you want to be working? How much money do you want to make? Who do you want to be Dating, what type of person? And then I asked them to put themselves mentally in that position now and work backwards. So you have to start thinking like that person would think. And some people might say, well, I don't know how they would think. Well, you know, plenty of people that are living or have the personality or attributes that you admire. Like I'll just say Beyonce, because so many people love Beyonce.

Yeah.

If you look at Beyonce, you say, damn, she's bad. I would love to have more confidence or, you know, a body like that or whatever it is you admire about her. Then start looking at her and start listening to the way she, she speaks and how she thinks and the things that she does. And then decision, figure out what. Yes. What can you do that is similar, that suits you?

Yeah.

Like I love Tina Turner. Like Tina Turner is my, like everything. I have, my clients, Yes, I have my clients choose what I call a spiritual board of directors. And so they look at the different aspects that they want to up level. And they say, well, who in finance is someone I admire, who has a relationship, you know, that I might admire, or who, you know, takes care of their self. Care in a way, or their body in a way that I admire. And then I look and see, well, what do they do and how are they eating, how are they speaking? What kind of people do they hang around with? That's what you do with your future self. You look at where you want to be and then you start just testing some of those things and showing up in that way and thinking in a way that they think. And we get to choose how we want to think. We think that our brains just tell us what to think and we should believe it. No, you get to tell your brain what to think.

Yes.

And you get to take on those new thoughts. And so if you decide that if you're making 100,000 and you decide you want to double your salary, then you double your salary and you double your salary by thinking the way someone that makes 200,000 would think, taking the actions that they would take. People think, oh, let me get this degree and another degree and another degree. It has nothing to do with that. It has to do with who are you being, how are you showing up.

Certifying yourself, giving yourself the degree?

Totally, totally.

Yes.

And that's how you show up, as the million dollar version of yourself.

I love that. I love that. What I found from what you just said is wwbd, what would Beyonce do? And also finding your C level team, right. Your chief financial officer, your chief marketing Officer, your chief health officer. Right. Your chief happiness officer. Right. All of those officers, all of those C level, your C level team. Right. That you can emulate, think and actually look toward as inspiration for what you want to do. I love that so much. That's so good. Every podcast I try to allow the listeners to have different exercises that they can try on at home. Right. I always want to be of value and of service to them. So do you have any exercise to help the listeners out there in terms of any kind of internal or soul work to help them get to that million dollar self? Are there things that they can do, things that they can say to help them get there?

In my program, I have three different areas that I have women look at and the first thing I have them do is what's called mirror work, where you can use a compact, you can get in front of the mirror in the bathroom, wherever you. And you look directly in your eyes and speak life into yourself, speak love into yourself. And I tell my clients to look at yourself and say, hey, girl, how you doing today? How are you feeling? You know, what's going on? Love. And I do that and it just boosts me so much. But a lot of people in the beginning have trouble with it. And so I would say don't give up on it. Don't beat up on yourself. Just do it for a few seconds and, and just keep practicing every day. And it really elevates your self worth. And one of my clients shared with me that a result of doing this, she said one night she woke up in the middle of the night and she was. Started kissing her wrists.

She had woke up.

Yes. She said she was just, I love you, like, just woke up out of her sleep, like automatically faking loving thoughts about herself. And the more that we love up on ourselves, the better we feel instead of beating up, oh, you did this wrong, you did that wrong. Whatever.

Yeah. I think that people think that beating up on yourself is going to actually help you get to your goal. It actually hurts you, it keeps you stuck because you feel worse about yourself and you have less motivation to actually reach your goals. And I think that sometimes we get that from our parents or our community and we think back, oh, that's the way that I'm going to motivate myself because I'm always going to try to have to push, prove myself. But girl, that gets tired so fast. And so to your point, that grace, that self compassion, right? And the mirror work, to actually exercise that on a daily basis, whether that's in the morning, when you're getting ready, or in the evening, right before you're gonna go to bed. Right. Or before or after you use the bathroom. Right. That these are moments where you can do some of that mirror work just to check in with yourself. I love that so much.

Another one is. I have plenty of them. I know you, Doctor.

Another one is a body scan to really see what's going on with you inside, in your body. And so what I recommend is when you first wake up in the morning, instead of jumping out of bed and going off into your day to just lay there and close your eyes and start at the top of your head and just check in with your body and. And feel where there might be tightness, say, in your neck or your chest or your back or whatever. Just figure out, look at what parts of your body may need attention if you really tune in. It's almost intuitive that really, most of us ignore what's going on with our body. We already know our knee might hurt, our neck might hurt. Whatever those areas are, give them attention, give them love. Stop just going on with your day and ignoring what's going on in your body. Because our bodies have messages for us. And if I can recommend a book that I have my clients, it's called you Can Heal youl Life by Louise Hay. And you can look at the different. Yes, you can look up the different body parts to see what it means on an emotional level. So, like, back pain represents money and issues around money. Hip pain represents fear of moving forward in your life. And so you can learn so much by checking in with your girl.

Do you know what neck pain means? Because sometimes I have neck pain.

No.

Okay, we'll have to talk a little bit later. I have to look it up.

Grab my book.

I love that.

That's powerful. It's powerful work. Because we ignore ourselves. We really do. We ignore ourselves. We just get up, brush our teeth, you know, take a shower, brush our teeth, eat, run out the house. And we give no thought to what's going on inside. And until we pay attention, we don't really know ourselves and we don't really have that connection with ourselves.

Yeah. Especially women. Right? Especially like you're. Your female intuition is going to guide you and help you make the decisions that you need to make in love and relationships and dating. And if you are so used to, like, ignoring that feeling, whether it's in your stomach, whether it's in your face. Right. Or in your heart.

Right.

That you're going to be left astray. And I'M so glad that this is an exercise that people can do to help to tap into that and to start to listen to our bodies, right? I tell my clients all the time, right? Like, it is crazy to me that women do not get a couple days off every month for their cycle, right? They just have to kind of ignore it and, like, go about their day as if, like, nothing has happened. Like, their body is not going through an evolution or transformation, right? And that there's no pain, right? And especially for black women, I think that sometimes they've been trained to, like, ignore some pains, right? When you're getting your hair done and it hurts if the perm is in too long, if your mom is snatching your edges and you're called tenderheaded, instead of actually your pain is being really focused on and appreciated, right? That we learn that, oh, we can't speak to our pain or it's gonna be ridiculed or belittled or dismissed.

That is so, so true. And it's such a good point. In dating and just in relationship in general, we get messages from our body that we pay attention to all the time. Our intuition, but also physical messages. So if you're in the company of someone and your heart is racing or your stomach is feeling upset or the energy, because I'm big on energy. And if you really tune into yourself, you can tell who's vibrating at a level that feels good to you and who you feel uncomfortable around. And we have to honor that more because I think that we're trained to ignore it. Like you said about the pain, just put on the space and ignore it and just act like it's not there. But that's how we really tune into what's really going on.

Or we ignore that because we want to have a boyfriend and we want to have a husband, and I'd rather have that thing. And I'm focused on that. That external versus the internal, right? Yeah. So much. So much so I'm glad that this is an exercise that we can do head to toe to figure out what's going on in our body, right? And get into the habit of actually paying attention, acknowledging and listening to it. That's so important, right? One of the things that I wanted to talk about, too, was you talked about, you know, the energy that you're having on these dates and in relationships. And I think it's important to realize that. I think society makes us think that having butterflies is something that you should really have. Like, if you don't have it, you're not in love, but you don't want to have that. You don't want to feel like you're nervous or you're on eggshells around someone. I always think of it as if you're back in high school and you're talking to the captain of the football team, and you're a freshman in high school and you have all of these butterflies. You're not going to show up as your full self. You're not going to be you. You're going to get small. You're going to be less confident. Right. And that person is seeing you and addressing you and interacting with you as such. You want to have a feeling of ease. You want to have a feeling of comfort. And if we're feeling that way, that's the sort of energy that you want to be leaning into. Not the nervous. I don't want to say little girl energy, but the nervous. Like, this person might be too much for me, like, better than me. Like putting this person on a pedestal.

Right.

We don't want to come to dating with that sort of energy.

Right.

Yeah. Okay.

And I have one more, and it's called Ho pono Pono. So if you want to look it up, it's a Hawaiian forgiveness work. And so it's kind of like a chant. So as women, we beat up on ourselves all the time. And especially in relationships, like, oh, I should have known better. I should have never gone out with him. I shoulda, shoulda, shoulda. You know, we keep just being hard on ourselves, but this is a way to just forgive yourself. And I don't view anything that we do as a mistake. Like, everything we do, everything we accept. Experience, to me, makes us who we are. It allows us to know what we want and what we don't want.

That's right.

So ho' oponopono is just four verses. It's, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. So when you're sitting, as my sister would say in your upsetness, you know, when you're sitting in that.

Yeah.

Just say to yourself, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. And so to tell yourself, girl, I love you. I got you. I got you. You're safe with me. You're safe with me. Even me just saying it, it just gives me chills because it's powerful. And this psychologist, people have to look it up. This psychologist was doing this work, like in the prisons and having prisoners do this work with themselves. And they were transforming their lives just by learning how to forgive themselves. And like I said, we beat up on ourselves so much. There's nothing to be hard on ourselves for. No matter what. It's all good. Like I say, everything that's happened to me, whether I at one point had labeled it bad or good or whatever, it's all part of the journey. It's all part of the process. Process.

Okay, girl, please give me those chants again just so that we get it.

I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. And you just say that over and over to yourself and just sit, sit in it.

Yes. I think sometimes people say just sit in your feelings and feel your feels, but sometimes that's hard to do and this might be an opportunity or a way or a conduit for them to actually be able to be present and to really be in those feelings. So I love that we talked about the mirror work, we talked about the body scan, and we talked about the forgiveness. The 4 chance. Ho'.

Opono. Pono, ho, pono.

Yes. Okay. I love that. I love that so much. So one of the reasons why I think that you and I've been following your work since we've been connected, I think it's also so powerful. And one thing that I want to tell all of my listeners to do and all of my clients who are listening as well, is that it is important for you to have a mentor in this love and dating game, right? And you should have a fairy godmother. You should have an older woman who has seen it, who has lived it, who has been it, right? Helping to guide you along the way. Someone, preferably who's been in a relationship, who has seen the good, bad, the ugly, the rollercoaster of relationship, who's been married for 20 years to be able to speak to what you can look forward to, right? What's along the way, help you manage expectations, help you manage your present and also perhaps even your past. So if there is anyone out there that is needing mentorship right around this, look to some of your older female powerhouses in your life. And if you are looking for life coaching, please look to Gal. She's amazing and she is, as we have said so many times, fairy godmother of life coaching. And she's going to get you together, she's going to get you actually embodying your million dollar self and your future self. So, Gal, thank you so much for being on this podcast and for my listeners who want to tap into that future self quicker and, and efficiently and effectively, how can they get connected with you everywhere?

On social media and my website, just go to Gayle Keys K E y e s allen.com and so on Instagram, I'm Gail Keys Allen. On Facebook, Gail Keys Allen. And that's where they can find me. And my program is Million Dollar U. And I would love for you to come join. We have an amazing group of women. And the nice thing with my program is you pay once and you're a member forever.

Yes.

So imagine being able to get coached by me. As long as I'm in business, I'm your coach. So I think it's amazing what I offer.

Yeah, I love that. Thank you so much for being on the podcast today. I really appreciate it.

Thank you.

Awesome. All right, my loves. Thank you for joining us. I'll see you the next time around. Bye.

Hey, girl. Thank you so much for listening to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com. apply or subscribe and leave me a review. Wherever you listen to your podcasts, talk.