Altered States of Sex – Layla Martin : 651

I also believe now in my experiences that sex is the active form of meditation, and meditation is the still form of sex. So I think when I go all the way back into the classical traditions and look at the sexual practices, they were literally trying to open people up into this really heightened realm of possibility that sex is. And most people never realize that. They never use the tools or practices to fully utilize what sex has on offer.

Bulletproof Radio. A state of high performance.

You're listening to Bulletproof Radio with Dave Asprey. Today's cool fact of the day is that orgasm is all about rhythmic timing. And yes, if you're listening with little ones who don't know what an orgasm is, this might not be the episode for them. And, and this new research shows that rhythmic sexual activity likely influences your brain's rhythms, at least according to neuroscience researchers at Northwestern University's Brain Behavior Cognition Program. And they found that rhythmic stimulation can enhance neural oscillations at the same frequency, kind of like pushing someone on a swing. So rapid sex, faster brain waves, slower sex, slower brainwaves. And through this process, which they call neural entrainment, if the sexual stimulation is intense enough and goes on long enough, that synchronized activity spreads throughout the brain, and that synchrony may produce such intensely focused attention that sexual activity out competes your usual self awareness for access to consciousness, providing a state of sensory absorption and trance. And this may be crucial for allowing a sufficient intensity of experience, which can trigger the mechanism of climax. And this wasn't in the study, but it's one of the reasons that a very meaningful number of people report leaving their body, seeing past lives, and meeting God during sex. They usually just don't tell their partner who's just looking at them with their eyes rolled back in their head. And these researchers say neurons are more likely to fire if they're stimulated multiple times within a narrow window of time. And otherwise the signals decay as part of a general resetting mechanism rather than some together. And what does this mean for you? This means that, well, if you're the one providing your partner with an orgasm, you better have a good amount of control there, otherwise you're not going to do it for long enough to do a good job. And in today's interview, we're going to talk a little bit about sex, if that foreshadowing wasn't strong enough for you. And we're going to talk about sex with an expert on the topic, someone who is known as the headmistress of pleasure, according to Women's Health magazine, or. Or a sexpert extraordinaire. According to Cosmo, right now your body.

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Today's guest, Layla Martin, has studied human sexuality and human biology at Stanford and then spent 10 years learning from Tantric masters in the jungles of Asia. She founded the Tantric Institute of Integrated Sexuality and teaches people how to have epic sex and legendary love through a method she invented called the Vita method. And her YouTube channel has about 90 million views. I mean, who would have thought a YouTube channel about sex having views. Layla, welcome to the show.

Thank you so much for having me.

Today's show is filmed live at the Beverly Hilton, which is my favorite hotel in LA and the home of Upgrade Labs. And it's always great to do a podcast face to face instead of over Skype. And because it just lets us ask all sorts of interesting questions. And I can actually see how you respond to the questions. So I'm going to ask you all sorts of weird questions just to see if I can make you uncomfortable.

I promise to give you super weird responses that you're looking for.

Oh, man, this is going to be a good interview. I can already tell. Now, you call yourself a hardcore science nerd with a keen interest in mystical things. How does hardcore science mix with mysticism?

Well, it's amazing that most science, like this study that you've just cited, is starting to back up what people already know if they're traveling and journeying in those areas. So I've known for 10, 15 years how much sex is a portal to higher states of consciousness, to rhythmic flow within the brain, literally. They teach in ancient tantra that chakra work is really a hidden way to activate all areas of your brain. So if you sit systematically create focus and mind body awareness on different parts of your body, their teaching is that that's actually activating all areas of your brain. So that then when you do something like make love or run energy, you're doing it in a fully connected neurological state and that that's supposed to produce higher states of consciousness. So when you used to say something like this 10 or 15 years ago, and I used to talk about that at Stanford, it seemed weird. It seems super out there. What's so cool right now is that science is starting to actually look at these and give credence to a lot of what the mystics have already always known.

It kind of makes me laugh because these altered states are well documented throughout thousands of years of history. The Tantric writings, of course. But you look at traditional Chinese medicine, Ayurveda, ancient shamanic practices, they all pretty much have a sexual component. And the work that I do from a neuroscience perspective at 40 years of Zen, there are altered states of human performance that are predictable. You can look at someone's brain and know they're capable of this and ask them like, oh, how did you know? And you can take someone who doesn't have a certain ability to access a state and probably Turn it on. Through a short period of training, which is something I've spent four months of my life doing, that actually does affect how you show up in the bedroom as well as in the boardroom and everywhere else. Because you show up everywhere you show up, right?

Yes. And what they're finally showing with psychedelic research is that just having mystical experiences is healing. It's empowering. It actually, it does things like healing smoking, addiction, it does things like heal depression, having access to those higher states of consciousness. I find sometimes in society we kind of blow it off. Like it's navel gazing or it's something that's such a big privilege and something that I'm so passionate about is making it seem like. No, actually humans need access to these mystical states of awareness. It's not something just privileged or woo woo or something for yoga class. It's something that people need to be operating at the highest level of neurological health.

So I just wrote Superhuman's book about living a long time. There's a chapter in there on wouldn't you like to be having sex when you're 120 instead of living to 180 without any sex for 60 years? Or something like that. I consider it an anti aging practice that involves exercise, but there's something else going on in there. And even the study of tantra, the tantra practice itself was originally around longevity and around immortality. Why did it go down that path? And I'm asking, after 10 years of studying this in the jungles of Asia, why did tantra become so focused on sex if it was originally a longevity practice?

So it became mostly focused around sex. In the 1920s, all the way into the 1980s, there were waves of a couple of tantra teachers who came that were teaching Neo Tantra specifically from India. And they really, you know, when I really look at their teachings, one of the things I saw was that a core Tantric teaching is go where there is the most resistance, go where you have the most conditioning, go where God is the least and find your access point there. So, you know, one of the teachings in yoga, everything is one that's also a core tantra teaching. That's how it got into the yoga tradition. But most people are really comfortable saying God is one in the spaces they like, in the places they're comfortable with. So I believe a lot of these Tantric masters were looking at, where in the modern era do we have the most blockage, the most resistance, the most fear, the most hangups? It's in our sexuality, it's in your Anus, your relationship to your own butt. Right. Like it's that simple. People usually have the most hang ups around pornography, around their sexual functioning. Most people would be horrified if there was an image of them having an orgasm on the Internet. And orgasm is one of the most sacred, beautiful things a human can experience. So these tantra teachers were essentially saying, let's go where there's the greatest return on doing work. Because the heart of the tantric teaching isn't being sexual or having amazing sex. The heart of the tantric teaching is unwind, your systematic conditioning that puts you to sleep and saps your energy. So I believe that they were recognizing that sex has one of the greatest returns on investment for people doing conscientious, focused work.

I'm really happy you said that. I tried to say something similar. Maria Shriver was interviewing me for her show and I said something like, well, people have a hard time talking about sex because it's icky. Right. And I don't think sex is actually icky. And she's like, you think sex is icky? I'm like, well, no, it's a sacred thing, but it's also sticky. It actually has the parts of it that are like, okay, there's a wet spot. And it's not always. It's always fun, but it's not always like, I don't know. I don't even know the word I'm looking for there.

Civilized, hygienic property.

Yeah. Civilizes it. Yeah. It's not proper and it's not. It's not always hygienic. And you're sharing bodily fluids. All right? And so people have that dual response to it. And so the tantric teachings were about, hey, let's remove aversion to this, because if you're going to love yourself, you have to love all parts of yourself, even the sticky parts.

Yes.

All right.

Yes. And I also believe now in my experiences that sex is the active form of meditation, and meditation is the still form of sex. So I think when I go all the way back into the classical traditions and look at the sexual practices, they were literally trying to open people up into this really heightened realm of possibility that sex is. And most people never realize that. They never use the tools or practices to fully utilize what sex has on offer.

Is this why so many yoga teachers get in trouble for banging their students?

No, that's a misuse of power and unintegrated, usually shadow elements of their unconscious.

I knew you were going to say that. Is there a connection, though, between yogic Practices and being good in bed.

Yes. So I definitely believe that being connected to your body, understanding your energy system, and having an ability to feel heightened sensations all contribute to being excellent in bed. Also just a general comfort with your body. And yes, I have had, I mean, even my own boyfriend has said, you know, when I was out there being single, like women who did yoga were definitely the best in the bedroom.

Got it. Do you do yoga?

I do do yoga, but what's interesting is hatha yoga comes from the tantric tradition. So if you do hatha yoga with kundalini practices, chakra work, pranayama, things like that, all of that actually comes from the tantric tradition. So you've been practicing tantra whether you know it or not.

So does your boyfriend say, you're the best in bed now? Yes, now. Is he just saying that to be polite?

He is not. We have a pretty, pretty open relationship. And you know, here's the thing. Like everyone that I slept with since I started doing this work would say unequivocally, I have been the best person that they've ever had sex with. But what I really try and teach people is that was not an inborn talent in me. I experienced sexual abuse as a child. I used to be so scared of sex and sexuality, anything sensual. I couldn't even go into Victoria's Secret when I was 16 years old. I was so shut down, so rigid, had such broken relationships with men. And so this ability, ability to be good at sex has been hard earned. And it was really doing a tremendous amount of healing, a tremendous amount of reconnect, reconnection to my body and soul. And more than anything else, stripping away that conditioning. I also grew up Catholic. Like any sense that sexuality is dirty or wrong or less than embracing my orgasm as a beautiful, sacred artistic experience and also being able to hold that space for my lovers. Right? Like, being amazing in bed isn't like, you know, a pornographic show off. It's literally meeting a lover and saying, I am willing to accept all parts of you, willing to accept you if you feel afraid, if you have a premature ejaculation, if you don't come. Like, who you are and how you show up is more important to me than sexual performance. And that, I think, is really the heart of being an outstanding lover. And this idea that you can actually train your sexuality the way that you would, your physical health and fitness, your diet. We just don't have a model in society of valuing sexuality and sexual evolution. So I, I also never like for people to hear oh, wow, someone's best in bed. And then I feel a lot of people respond to that with shame because they haven't realized that they have that same ability within themselves if they spend the time and do the work to cultivate it.

There's so many questions that I want to ask you here. So I have, like, you looked at lots of unusual, mystical things, went to Tibet, learned meditation from the masters, and have seen all sorts of specialists who are 80 something years old. And one of the things that they talk about in traditional Chinese medicine especially is around matching penis size to vagina size. Good idea or bad idea?

They also talk about that in the Kama Sutra.

Ah, that's true.

That was like a big thing. It's also important to remember that a lot of these written traditions happened in the middle ages under patriarchy. So some of them, we don't know whether they're absolutely true or not. And there is something to it. There are different vaginal depths. Size of women's vagina is a legit thing. And you know, I've heard and talked to women who say, wow, if a guy's like way too big, that's not gonna work for me. Or I have a teeny tiny little vagina and I like being matched. So I think there's some substance to it. And sometimes maybe we don't pay enough attention to this baseline. Is it a good match? Is it a good match physiologically? Is it a good match energetically? Do they smell good? Like, that's a really important component of especially long term partnership. When I've talked to couples have, you know, 15 plus years of amazing marriage, they're always saying, one of the baseline pieces, besides the fact that we had shared values and a deep appreciation of each other as human beings, we had a strong sexual connection. And I think maybe that's what they're trying to get at in this, in this teaching is like, you have to have that baseline sexual connection. Now that does go away in long term relationships if you're not conscientiously evolving your sexuality and doing the work to counteract a lot of the numbness, shutdown, disconnection, and inherited conditioned wounding around intimacy that kicks in in long term relationship.

How long does it take to kick in?

I think, well, it really depends. I think it's six. Six months to two years is when the first wave really kicks in. And then I think you get a really deep kick in two years plus.

So a deep kick in where you're like, oh, I'm just less interested than I was Before, Yes.

And with everything that I've kind of been exploring and studying and, you know, the literally hundreds of thousands of people that I've worked with, is that when you recognize that disassociation, that disconnection, even in some senses, repulsion of your long term partner as an intimacy, blockage, a fear, something deep inside of you that's resistant to deep partnership, what happens is the space opens back up, you fall back in love, you get sexually attracted again. Now this makes sense when you think of sex more like meditation than, as you know, a chemical addiction to someone else. So chemical addictions can come and go, you can get over them, you can process them, all of that. But what I see is when you're sitting there meditating, if you are in a state of numbness, a state of disconnection, you get bored. You're listening to your thoughts, Your meditation's like empty, it's hollow. When you fully accept what's going on, when you listen one level deeper, the meditation opens back up. You're in a state of flow, you're in a state of connection, like life comes alive again. So in relationship, I noticed the same thing happens. The container of relationship is designed to pull subconscious patterning up. Blockages to love, blockages to sex, blockages to deep intimacy. But because couples don't recognize that, and we've all been conditioned to think it should be a fairy tale, we should want to hop into bed with each other all the time. If we don't have that, there's something wrong with the relationship. Instead of actually changing that perspective to say, wow, my relationship is supposed to bring up issues, it's supposed to bring up discomfort, it's supposed to bring up pain from the past. And if I actually sit with it, integrate it, work on it, ask what's coming up, accept it. What I see is just like in meditation, those states integrate and move away. And the love gets reborn and the sexual connection gets reborn even deeper than ever.

That all sounds great. So how do you actually do that?

So this, this is where also it can be hard. Like we're, you know, it would be like in the 1950s being like, how do you do yoga? You know, like we don't have a cultural baseline for fully understanding it, but what I like to think about is actually having a shared meditation practice, but between partners. So you actually take the time to sit down and say, what's alive for me right now? Like, what's arising? The same as you'd sit down to.

Meditate and be like, what's arising? Like, what turns me on? Or like, I'm thinking about chickens or whatever.

What's. Okay. So you're not necessarily having sex yet. Although I did do a tantric practice once where you had to have sex seven times, and you had to say to your partner everything you were thinking and feeling during sex the entire time.

Wow.

Yes. So, like, if you started fantasizing about someone else, if you weren't really feeling it, if it was like whatever it was, or you had some, like, crazy fantasy or desire, you had to, like, say every single thing you were thinking moment to moment.

Wow. Was that hard?

It wasn't necessarily hard for me. It was more challenging for my partner.

Okay.

Yeah.

And do you teach people to do this at home?

I do teach people to do this.

Wow. And what happens to kind of average couples when they do that?

So that's like an advanced practice.

I'm sort of thinking divorce would be the answer for some of you do.

A lot of free work, but that's the heart of it, right? So many couples are terrified to share with each other what they're really thinking and feeling, what their actual sexual selves are like. And that distance and that hiding and that holding on, which is which almost everybody's doing. So there's nothing wrong with it. It's so normal, but it's so pervasive. That's what creates the numbness and the distance and the sense of not being madly in love anymore and the sense of not being sexually attracted. It's all the unspoken things, the unfelt things, the unaddressed things. So, you know, you ask, how do you do that? One of the first things I do is try and get couples into structured, vulnerable, real communication. Talking about what they truly desire, what they're really afraid of, what they love about in each other. And that can be sexually focus or just life focused. But starting to get in the habit of, like, being able to share with your partner, I feel numb, or I don't feel the love that I used to have for you, or I feel pain during sex. Even just that. Getting people to be able to share that, now that's a process because you have to be simultaneously creating safety in your relationship. Very few of us are conscientious about creating real safety for our partners, either sexually or just in communication. And safety is like a. Like a. A baseline that you need around your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

What does creating safety in communication for a partner look like?

Safety looks like at the most basic level, if we're in partnership, I could share my thoughts, feelings, Emotions or sensations. And you could make it okay that I'm having those thoughts, emotions, sensations, and experiences. It doesn't mean that action is okay. Like, it doesn't mean that everything's okay for me to behave a certain way, or for me to break back boundaries or for me to not act in integrity with our relationship.

So feelings are okay and sharing them is good, but you still have to behave yourself.

Yes, exactly. Yes. It's creating a level of safety to be who you actually are, and especially in your experience. We have a tendency in partnership to make each other's experiences wrong. And I. I do that with my partner. I'm not a saint in all this.

What's an example of making each other's experiences wrong?

Making each other's experiences wrong? Okay, so last night, me and my. Me and my partner are business partners. And he. He did something that lost our company, like, half a million dollars.

And that's a total buzzkill in bed.

That's a total buzzkill. And he was upset with me because I haven't let it go. And so I was saying, look, my experience is that I'm not over it yet. Can you at least validate that that is true for me? That it's okay that I'm not over it yet? And I can validate your experience that you think that because you've apologized and you were sorry that you wish that I was over it and then I didn't bring it up anymore. Like, we're in. We're both having our own experiences. But can I make it okay that your experience isn't what I wish you had, but I can make it okay that you're having it. Right. And even in sexuality, people are so terrified. Like, you know, oh, my God, is my. Is my. If I'm heterosexual, is my male partner looking at other women? Of course he's looking at other women. Like, there's this. This deep kind of wanting to put our heads in the sand around sexual reality. I also feel like when women are sexually alive and free and they're heterosexual or bisexual, they're looking at other men and women. Like, we have a very alive sexuality. And often in partnership, we're not creating a space to talk about that, get real with that, and then figure out what to do about it. Right. You could still be monogamous, but at least you're not trying to hide from your partner's core sexuality.

So you're saying that maybe a husband could say, hey, look at that guy. He's cute to his wife, or the wife could Point out the attractive ones for their husband. Yeah, Interesting. All right, I will say my wife always points out the, hey, look, she's beautiful to me, but I honestly don't really have a good sense for which men are more beautiful than others. Others. Maybe I'm not tuned in the right way or something.

Maybe that could be your next neurofeedback.

I just don't want to sit in judgment of others.

It's like, if you're like, I think that guy's hot. He's not. It shocks you or whatever, you get the full training.

But I do think it's impressive that Lana does that. She's like, look, she's really attractive because she knows I'm not going to cheat on her, and if I was, she couldn't stop me. So it's an integrity.

Yeah.

So going back to your current situation with your partner, okay, so now you're sitting there and you're like, I haven't let it go yet. And he's like, I'm a little bit mad at you because you haven't let it go yet. And so you're both feeling your feelings. How does that affect your sex life?

So that does affect our sex life. We're actually getting a business divorce because working together hasn't been the sexiest thing in the world. And as romantic partners, it's a great.

Way to ruin a relationship.

It's a great way to ruin a relationship. As romantic partners, we do really, really well. And as business partners, it has been unsexy. There's a lot of power dynamics that come into it. And, yeah, honestly, that affected our sex life. We've had to repair and work on that to get back to a heightened level of attraction for each other.

No, I'm going to take that. Everyone's listening to this going well. I'm thinking maybe I should tell my partner my feelings. And here's a world expert on this stuff. Who did it. And now they're getting a business divorce and it's affected their sex life. I don't know, Layla. I'm feeling a little discomfort about just, you know, dumping all my feelings on my partner. Cause they might not like it.

So here's the key. You want to build safety and vulnerability slowly and over time. And you don't want to dump. And so that's the thing as well, about really expressing is it's not just sharing with my partner, expecting them to be okay. It's taking responsibility for my feelings and my expression, and slowly, over time, building the safety. So I get a Little bit more vulnerable with you. You meet me with safety or if you don't, we actually work on that, what would safety look like? Then you get a little bit more vulnerable with me and I create safety for you. Or if I don't, we kind of realize, okay, that's our edge right now. How do we go from there and keep building more and more and more? So yeah, you don't go home and be like, hey, guess what? I've been fantasizing about orgies with like, you know, 20 oiled up people at a sex party or whatever. And your partner's like, what the? Like you. That's not what I'm saying. But it's beautiful in partnership to actually build up to this space of knowing who be being okay, holding safety of experience for who the other person is. Now this is what I've found and you can totally question me on this. And all of you can try this out over time. Long term relationships only maintain sexual attraction and heightened love if there's a willingness to explore, to be vulnerable, to be open. Now that doesn't mean you have to share all your thoughts and feelings with your partner all the time, that you have to like leak out on them or you know, share all your shitty feelings all the time and like bring them down. But it's a kind of integrity with them about who you are and a willingness to express that over and over again.

That makes a lot of sense. What happens to people when they stop having sex, whether they're in a relationship.

Or not, that I feel like a lot of their life force goes away. To use like a daoist, a Taoist concept that your sexuality is deeply intertwined with your aliveness for life. We even use it in language like I'm turned on by that piece of art, or this meal's turning me on, or I'm turned on to life, right? Like your sexual turn on goes hand in hand with your passion for life and your turn on for life. And so when you stop having sex, you're also subtly turning down the volume on this capacity for energy, capacity for aliveness, but also just capacity for intimacy. Also in biohacker language, you're getting more inflamed, you're building up stress. There's all these things you're lowering your oxytocin levels. Like you're not optimizing your human experience when you stop having sex. And there's so many reasons that people stop having sex. And it should be also asking yourself the question, like, why have I stopped having sex? What's here again, using sex. More like meditation. What's going on? What's deeper here that I can really listen to? Because most people stop having sex and they blame their partner or they blame their situation if they're out dating, as opposed to looking inside of themselves and being like, what's actually here? What's blocking me to sex? What's blocking me to desire?

So I have a really good friend who's a medical doctor, and she got divorced a few years ago as a teenager at home and hasn't had sex in several years. And I've been saying, I'm pretty sure this is taking years off your life. And you got to do something about this, for God's sake, go get a pool boy or something. You need to blow off some steam like many other women friends. Well, it's not the right guy. It really has to be the right guy. I'm sensitive. It has to be. So, okay, is it your advice that okay, you should just not have sex until you find the right guy, even if it takes you years? Or should you just like, you know, maybe go find someone and hang a poor boy? Yeah. I mean, we're talking about health. We're talking about years of no sex. Like, how shitty is that?

I'm really excited for that quote to be like, online. Like, quote, like, for God's sake, go find a pool boy. Dave Asprey. That's amazing. So I think that's nuanced. The first thing that I really work with people on is their own sexual practice. So just like being an athlete, you wouldn't go play a team sport without doing loads of your own personal training.

So masturbation, you're saying?

Masturbation, but more importantly, woke masturbation or like conscious masturbation.

Tell me about what is woke masturbation. Does woke masturbation make you get swole? Sorry.

It's an awakened way of masturbating, basically. So sex is like food, right? You can either consume fried foods, you know, fast food, and it actually lowers your emotional response. It lowers the way you feel inside of your body. It lowers your health and wellness. So you can have sex in such a way that your actual. Actually lowering the. The experience of all of that. Your emotional experience, your physiological experience, your even your psychological experience inside. So when people masturbate, let's say super habitually, super fast, in the case of women, maybe using vibrators all the time, not mixing it up, also maybe fantasizing about things that you wouldn't want to have happen in your real life. Or habitually watching porn that doesn't make you feel good. This is the equivalent of eating fast food. So sex can function like fast food in your system, or sex can function like, you know, high level organic nutrients. So making your masturbation practice mirror how you want to feel in sex, how you want to feel in life is really important to bring our attention to. And a lot of people never even think about this. Every single time you have an orgasm, you are training your body neurologically to want to get to orgasm through the exact same route. So if you masturbate over and over again with, with the same habitual fantasy, the same habitual way that you touch yourself, you're actually making a super highway inside of your brain to that route. Now when you go to be with a partner, and that's the way that you've trained your body, your body doesn't switch it up just because you're with someone else. Your body's still trying to go through that same pathway. So if you want sex to be more like eating organic food and training your brain to be very flexible in your sexual experience, that actually goes back to masturbation. The way that you touch your sex yourself, what you think about involving things like breath, work, mindfulness, different ways that you touch yourself, also really getting curious about your fantasies. You can retrain your deep mind and what it desires and how it experiences sex through your fantasies. And there's often a lot of resistance to that, just like there is to any mind change work. So it's a deep, deep, deep process. But I find it can like radically alter who someone is attracting, who someone's having sex with. So for a woman who's like, hey, I can't find any guy who's like, gonna worship, like, you know, the temple of my pussy or whatever, there's so much that you can be doing in the meantime to actually activate, awaken, and open your sexuality. And I have found that women who are willing to do that, they do find higher quality partners. That guy does show up and lo and behold, he's not the pool boy or he's the pool boy and he's been studying tantra.

Yeah, men are attracted to women's energy. And yeah, we like, like curves and all that stuff too. But there's women who don't have the best curves and the best looks, who have energy, they're irresistible. And that's just the fact of life. Okay, so the advice you gave is that, does that work for men and women? Absolutely the same. Because it seems like men and women have very different masturbation thoughts, patterns, frequencies, outcomes.

Go on.

The rules have to be different. I mean, for one thing, if. If guys could have multiple orgasms the way women can, there'd be no children on the planet because we'd probably just all be masturbating all the time.

You can have multiple orgasms.

Yes, we can. But we can't ejaculate multiple times because we turn inside out. I've tried it.

But you can have an orgasm without ejaculation.

Of course you can.

So there is a difference. I also think there's just a deep conditioned difference in men and women. So if you look at what's holding women back from their highest sexual experience, you're often getting. Getting guilt, shame, fear. You're getting a lot of conditioning, slut shaming fear around being fully sexual. Like, I talk to women. What's scary for you about being fully sexual? And there's this host of fears. You know, I'll go crazy, I'll lose my mind, I'll end up pregnant. I'll have like 12 STDs. Like, we've actually conditioned women to be terrified of their own sexual pleasure and their own sexual desire in a lot of ways. And we've also trained them to believe that to be a good wife and mother, to be respected in society, to hold power in society. As a woman, you have to desexualize yourself often and sort of cut that off. Men have a different, different kind of conditioning. So a lot of women's fantasies and the way that they, you know, masturbate, if you're gonna say kind of in the less conscious way, is through that mirror of shame and often through a mirror of trauma or even having experienced harassment or assault. So there's often a lot of pushing out of their desire and trying to control their sexuality. Because for a lot of women, it's not safe to feel pleasure all through your body. It's not safe to feel desire to actually want someone, because you know what that meant when you were young. That meant you were a slut, meant you'd get kicked out of the tribe. That means death. So for a lot of women, to hold deep sexual desire, to hold lust, to hold pleasure is coded in their nervous system on threat of death. So it takes a lot of rewiring, a lot of deconditioning to get a woman to be able to accept, like, her greatest orgasmic potential sexual pleasure and turn on. So yes, masturbation looks different, but that's also because the conditioning is different. Now, for men, there's this split conditioning. It's like you're simultaneously supposed to want everything that moves. You're supposed to be a sex God. You're supposed to walk into a room and like, if you're heterosexual, the, like women are supposed to melt all over you. Right.

And it never worked for me when I weighed 300 pounds, but it's working pretty good now. No, I'm kidding.

But then you're supposed to be a good husband and father.

I know.

And you're supposed to be like, you know, eyes glued to your wife.

Eyes are not glued. It's okay as long as they're not your employees to look and appreciate respectfully. Right.

But that's the male conditioning. And then also a lot around, like your sexuality is dangerous. And that's even getting stronger right now in the cultural conversation that like you're a threat. There's something wrong with your sexuality. So I find also men, men and women masturbate to porn. But porn is such an interesting thing. There's nothing inherently wrong with it. There's nothing morally wrong with it. Unless you actually look at the, the experiences of the porn stars and, you know, how they got there and whether they're empowered and healthy in that choice. But the, the wiring of your brain in a two dimensional fantasy reality over and over again is very different from wiring your brain to get turned on by real life. And so there's this deconditioning there, but there's also a deconditioning of men, men's deep sense of shame that there's something wrong with their sexuality. And men have a deep and varied and vast sexuality. Oh my. If you, you know, really get them to tell you what's going on inside of them and there's a lot of shame and holding on to that. So then there's also a lot of fantasizing and sort of habitually skipping over their deep sexuality as well. So that's to say doing some of these techniques like learning to be multi orgasmic, learning to masturbate and do breath work and mindfulness and all of that, you're not just learning to do that. You're overcoming like a few thousand years of embedded conditioning and shame that tells you not to be the wild, pleasure filled sexual being that you actually are.

There's two things I want to ask you about. One is in my book before Superhuman Game changers, there were three laws that came out from these interviews with 500 or so people who've done big things. Did you read that book by any chance?

I did not.

Okay, that's all right. Right. I'm just judging you, but it's not out loud. And I published a year's worth of my orgasm data.

Yeah.

And I went through and I was studying the Taoist equation for male ejaculation. I didn't say orgasm, said ejaculation, but most people think they're the same thing. And the equation that was in the book was age in years minus seven and then divide by four. And they said if you want to maintain your health and your vitality, don't ejaculate more food frequently than that number of days. So for me the number was around eight days or something. But if you want to live forever, don't ejaculate more than once every 30 days and keep your orgasm to less than an hour. For the man. I'm like, that sounds like a whole bunch of bullshit to me. So I'm going to go disprove this thing. So with my wife's laughing cooperation.

Your wife sounds amazing, by the way.

Oh, she's awesome. She's a doctor and an unusual soul. So I said, I'm going to graph my daily happiness, which is like a number from 1 to 10. Like how satisfied am I with my job, my life, relationships, just everything. Like is today a good day or a bad day? And what I found there was that following the eight day thing, which was the thing for me that it worked. And it wasn't that you couldn't have sex more than that, it was just that you wouldn't ejaculate. So what I found was surprisingly, I would have more sex the less I ejaculated. Because you're like, I'm still horny, for God's sake, I gotta get some, let's go again. And so that tends to be good for at least if you're a decent lover. It's good for the woman too. Because then it's like, hey, I had more orgasms and orgasms, oxytocin and EQ and spiritual experiences, all that good stuff. So that seemed to hold. The eight day rule versus just ejaculating whenever you feel like it, that does drain you. I found there was a definite for me like a two day ejaculation hangover. Ejaculate the next few days, you're like, meh, I don't really like a lot of stuff that I used to like. And then it goes away. And there's neurological and neurochemical explanations for that. But what I found was in the 30 day thing, that's the equivalent of fasting with 30 days. I tried it. And by the way, the data is kind of embarrassing. It's like, here's the 25 days. Oops. Well, you start that one again because it's kind of.

It's not embarrassing. It's normal.

I know it's quite normal. But what I did find, especially the first time I did 30 days, when I finally was able to do it, the trick was I was like, hey, Lana, if I actually know when 30 days is, and it's up to me, I'm just going to convince myself that the world will come to an end if I don't ejaculate. So can you just tell me when it's day 30 and if it's gonna be day 31, I don't even want to think about it. And then it was much easier. So when I just outsourced the decision making on that, I was able to do 30 days. But the whole one hour orgasm thing, I don't think that's good for men because I don't know if it was an hour or half hour, whatever. But I mean, it was to the point where I'm like, could the thing just stop? My abs hurt. Like, I'm done and I want it to stop and it's not gonna stop. And like, you know, however long that was, later, like, I'm like, I can barely walk. I have no idea what happened to me and I have no idea what planet I'm on.

So wait, how did you have the half hour to hour long orgasm?

It was after 30 days. We had sex for a while, and then I finally ejaculated. But okay, like, you're done ejaculating in however many seconds it is, there's nothing left to ejaculate. But then, like, you're still having whole body orgasmic contractions for like an hour. It's like the worst workout I've ever had. Like, what's going on with that?

Well, maybe you need to train your nervous system to be able to hold that level of energy and pleasure.

I was like doing breathing exercise. I'm like, come on, just stop, please. And then, you know, like another. I was sore for a week. Like, my whole body was sore for a week.

And was this because of the energy phenomenon? Like the actual.

I don't know. Cause my muscles were clenching and I'm like, okay, I'm done already. And then they would say, no, you're not. And then you.

And were you stimulating yourself or were you.

No, like, I'm done with just laying.

In bed, like, wiping a cold towel.

Yeah, yeah. Like, what's going on with that? That was the weirdest thing. Okay, I never talked about that in that much detail before.

So what I would say to that is, like, that would be the equivalent of fasting for 30 days and then eating a giant meal. Pretty much like your digestive system would be super overwhelmed and there'd be a sense of, oh, my gosh, you just, like, it's too much, right?

Yeah. I mean, it felt pretty good up to a certain point. It's like you eat. The first half of the cheesecake was good, but after that, like, I don't want the rest, but I can't stop eating it. It.

So one of the things that I have experienced with longer and longer orgasms is that it's actually training your nervous system to be in that state without getting overwhelmed. So you've probably even seen people who, like, meditate or get into those high mystical states. There's usually a level at which their nervous system taps out, like, I'm, I'm done. I can't. I can't maintain this anymore and I need to come back. So orgasm is such a high level in expansive state, and you have to ride it just like you would like a plant medicine journey or doing a breathwork journey. So if your body's done, it's done. And you could actually keep training yourself to go to the edge further and further so that, like, you almost were a master of your own orgasmic experience. And then you could go 30 days without ejaculating, go in and actually, like navigate and ride that wave. Because it also sounded like your body was a little bit out of your control with the muscular movement and the orgasm continuing to happen even though you felt complete.

Yeah. I was like, please stop. Please stop. No. The model I arrived at from this, and I get feedback on Instagram and all, there's lots of people who tried eight days or whatever the day is for their age. And I've had people say, Dave, I started two companies. I got a $30,000 raise. My life is so much better because I channeled some of the energy somewhere else. And I have this mitochondrial model. And this is something that came about from writing a book on mitochondria. But all life, whether it's human or zebra or a single celled whatever, it follows these rules. And the first rule is run away from, kill or hide from scary things. And you talked about that being kicked out of your tribe is scary because you'll die. So anything that's fear Gets all of your attention first because, well, you're not going to be alive if you don't handle that. We just suck at knowing what's actually a threat. And then the second thing is eat everything, because famines have killed most life forms. So you're like, okay, run away from scary stuff and eat everything, including that whole cheesecake that you didn't want to eat. And then the third thing is reproduce the species or the species will die. So we spend 10 times more energy on scary stuff and five times more energy on food and maybe three times more energy on sex. But all of those drives are running us. So dealing with your fear. I have a neuroscience institute that does that. I talk a lot about meditation and fear practices, and I talk a lot about fasting, Learn to fast, eat the foods that don't trigger you and all that sort of stuff. And that's probably the lowest hanging fruit. And a lot of my work is around that. But the third F that's sucking your energy is, oh, my God, if I don't have sex right now, I'm going to die. In fact, the whole species will die. And this is why every guy who's ever said, I'm not going to ejaculate and then ejaculates. It's because your body thinks the species is going to die if you don't put that out there right now.

Now.

Right. Okay. So learning to control your fear and reprogram it, Learning to control your food and reprogram that, realize you're not going to die without food. And then learning to reinterpret the other F word, fertility, and to do that and put all of those within your control, within your power to become conscious of those things simultaneously seems to be the path towards just being better at everything that you do. Yes. Does that model work with all the things you've learned? It's a very different interpretation of it, but poke holes in it for me.

No, absolutely, it works. And that's one of the core teachings of the Taoist energy practices. Mostly, actually, it's from the Taoist tradition and a little bit from the Tantric tradition is that you have this impulse of aliveness within you. And one of the strongest impulses is to procreate the species. So if you. You harness that for yourself and you use that to build companies to open your heart to do deeper meditation, then what happens is you're actually harnessing this incredible force that's oceanic, that's so overwhelming, that's so powerful, and you're using it. I don't want to say you're making it your bitch because, like, that's like, I like to think of it as like, you're falling in love with it and you're using it in the way that you desire.

So are you allowed to say, make something your bitch now or is that like, like rude?

Well, I think if you're, I think if you're a woman and you're reclaiming.

Could be kind of high. Your bitch. Like, I might have said that to a certain woman in my life and she was like, okay, you got that right. So I, I, I never know when I'm allowed to say that or not. As a, as a male.

It's, it's, it's basically fun to take these forces that we have felt control us and turn it around and use them in service of our highest desires. And you can do that, as you're saying, with fear, you can do that with food, and you can absolutely do that with sex.

Now that practice I talked about, the daoist practice, that was a male focused practice. And they warned in the text, like, for women, don't do this, because in fact the quote was, women walk away undiminished from orgasm. So contrast the male perspective on orgasm and ejaculation versus the female perspective for me, right?

So the female perspective is that orgasm is one of the highest energy states you can get into to. It also floods your body with oxytocin, dopamine. Like all of these amazing neurological experiences related to hormones, related to neurotransmitters, all of that, it's like one, it's this deeply healing state. And all the research backs that up, that the more sex you have, the healthier you are. So for a woman to learn to work with your pleasure and even ecstasy. So I love talking about ecstasy because pleasure is the first step. But when you, you're fully like surrendered to it, your mind is blown, which is what we say we want in sex. It's actually ecstasy. And what's so fascinating is most ancient cultures used ecstasy as a path to heal. One of the things I love is in the ancient Greek traditions, the pagan traditions, before Christianity came, it was ecstasy that healed your soul. So you didn't go to a priest and practice confession. You drenched yourself in ecstasy and that's what healed and saved you because it was like a purifying element.

You go to like a sex temple.

Yeah, yeah, yep, exactly. And so for women specifically to learn to say yes to that pleasure state, to learn to enter states of ecstasy, which a lot of women are terrified of. And I have tremendous compassion for that. I started out that way and yet it's accessible to all of us. That's one of their big sexual journeys, if you will. And the more orgasms they can have, the more they can enter that orgasmic state. I just see that that makes women stronger, healthier, more anchored, more connected. For men, as you're talking about, it's a little bit different. It's learning to harness, it's learning to be in control of, it's learning to be able to sit and not be like overcome by your sexual desire, overcome by the sexual impulse, but to actually channel and work with the sexual impulse. And there's a lot for, for men in being able to say no, in being able to witness, and then ultimately in being able to work with. So I think the next stage after, you know, a certain amount of ejaculation, abstinence, is learning to work with all of that energy that you've harnessed. Now that will naturally flood into whatever you're doing in your life. So it will flood into your career, it will flood into your high level thinking, will flood into the way you present yourself on stage, the way you raise your children, all of that. But for men, I believe it's my personal belief and experience that that high level supercharged state is valuable as well. And so once you have stopped feeling controlled by the need to ejaculate or controlled by the need to procreate, you can then also work with that ecstatic, pleasure filled intimacy. And I think men are socialized to believe that that's not as much for them. And I don't believe that. I believe men are just as healed and, and nourished by deep orgasmic states, by deep states of pleasure and ecstasy. It's just that once they separate that from ejaculation, they don't have to make the choice anymore. And they can actually train their bodies where orgasm becomes a nourishing experience rather than a depleting experience.

That makes a lot of sense. I did find through the course of that year of experiment and just being someone who's read all the weird books that probably most people haven't heard of, that there's something pretty empowering about having an epic session of lovemaking. And you're like, I'm not going to ejaculate this time. Sort of like sitting down for a meal and saying, I'm fasting, I'm okay with that. But when your partner is completely spent and you're like, I could go longer, but we're done now and still have all that energy that does something pretty amazing for your ability to create in the real world. So there's value to that.

And what the Taoist would say is, take all that pleasure and turn on and swirl it through your brain and activate it into this harmonic state, whatever the word was from the research in the beginning, bring it back to that research and actually, like, you can take that sexual pleasure and wave it and circulate it through your brain. And in my experience, that does create these really high level states of consciousness.

Was 50 shades of gray good for the world's sex life or bad for it?

Well, I think it was. I think it was positive. And then it was like, wow, women have desire. They want kinky hugs, hot stuff. They want, you know, they. They have these desires. It's okay to want to be dominated. It's okay to want to be like, you know, instructed what to do and be brought into surrender. When I read 50 Shades of Gray, I was like, wow. Like, yes, it's hot. It's hot to surrender. It's hot to experience domination. It's hot to experience leadership in the bedroom. Now, that's not the only desire that women have. It's multifaceted. But I loved that. That at least got some airtime, let's say. Also, apparently erotica is. Is almost like porn is what men like to consume sexually in general, although women consume porn as well, but women like to consume erotica, and there's this huge untapped appreciation for women's relationship to erotica.

One of my favorite little strange things that popped up on Instagram somewhere was a picture someone said mom had sent her. Oh, look, the kitty's reading. It's a picture of her iPad and the little kittens peeking over the top of it. But then you look on the screen and it's like raunchy porn. Like, not video porn, but you're like. Like erotica, but. And. And the thread at the bottom was, mom, what are you reading?

Like, Mommy's reading things that make her feel amazing, you know? But the thing I didn't like about 50 shades of gray was like, it's non consensual. It's not the best example of how amazing BDSM can be. And I feel like every couple should do a good, high quality BDSM training, whether they're into kink or not, because it's. It makes your power dynamics so conscious.

Yeah, Learning how to surrender or accept surrender would be a pretty important. Pretty important skill. Mistress Natalie came on a while ago and talked about that and kind of what she had done with her clients and all, and how it was mostly psychology and really not. It's sexy, but not actual sex.

It's so psychological. And to learn how to dom your partner, a partner who wants to be dommed and is willing to be domed. It's. It's like. It's one of the most delicious skills.

So you actually recommend that people just go do a class on that. But that's not one of the things that you teach.

I don't teach that specifically. No.

Got it. But you talk about. I think about. You have a book, it's called Epic Sex, and you talk about, I think, six kinds of sex. Can you walk me through those six kinds from memory?

Yes. So the first is sensational sex. So it's learning to tap into your sensations and harness them during the sexual experience so that sex. Sex feels more intense. You can do that just by bringing mindfulness to your sexual experience. Then it's working with electric sex, where you learn the four holistic sex tools. You learn to work with breathwork, sounding movement, and mindfulness in order to bring an electric state to your body. It's like when you first fall in love with someone and you're, like, lit up inside. You can actually generate that through using holistic sex tools.

If you're a biohacker, you could use actual sex tools.

Exactly.

So given that I have practiced electrical muscle stimulation for long periods of time, I may or may not have once put the electrodes on a partner, half of them and the other ones on myself. So that every time you touch the partner, an actual electrical current flows through whichever parts you're touching.

Yes.

Which was pretty tingly.

One of my, like, deep fantasies is to have all of this studied with, like, electrodes on your brain and your genitals and all of that. So thank you for realizing one of my deeper desires.

And there was. Who is it? From Rutgers we interviewed Brock. Do you remember? Her name's right on the edge of my brain. And she actually was studying female orgasm in fmris, and it's driving me nuts. I'll remember who it was. I can picture her right now. She's Indian. Ah. Her name's right on the edge of my brain. Anyhow, there are people doing that. But it's hard because when you move electrodes, if you're looking at brain states, any kind of movement or. Or breathing or blinking or scrunching will overwhelm the signal from your brain. So it's pretty hard to study. It's like, hold still and have hot sex. Those don't work together.

Totally. I'd love to try, though.

Yeah.

Who can be the stillest person on earth to have a massive orgasm? Okay. Then there's wild sex, which is learning to take down your conditioning being in your head and get into the total surrendered, primal tantric sex, which is learning to work with chakras energy, kundalini energy, breathwork as you make love. Then there's kinky sex, which is learning to consciously create an experience as a couple to actually say, look like, in this next half an hour, I want you to take me to the deepest pleasure I've ever been to. That can be kinky, or it can be, I want to experience pain or I want to experience bondage or I want to be tied up. So even just learning the methodology for kink. Do the dishes. Sorry, is that. Is that where you go in kinky sex?

For a lot of housewives? I've asked more than a few. If my husband would just do the dishes, that would be the biggest turn on ever.

I commend you to do the dishes.

It was Jeff Bezos who said that. He's like, I think the sexiest thing I ever do is I do the dishes at night.

I'm not gonna say something mean right now, but I really feel like for couples to learn to have a shared goal and then to design a scene where they can actually achieve that goal together.

And in all seriousness, the dishes probably aren't for most people that thing.

The dishes aren't for most people. And actually, it's one of the things I dislike about kind of traditional sex therapy is this idea that if your partner does enough chores, helps out with the house, like, hundred percent. If you're exhausted because you're taking care of the kids and working all the time and your partner is not showing up in your life, that's gonna affect your sex life. But we all know that you've been really attracted to people and had really hot sex with people who did not do the dishes.

There you go. Well said. And thank you. Thank you for that. But. But basically it's telling your partner, hey, this is what I really, really want. And, like, you know, do this and like, you. Okay, I hear you. That's the kinky sex side. Enlightened sex. What's that one?

Enlightened sex is about recognizing polarity, consciousness, and energy and working with that conscientiously so you can actually explore polarity in sex, where if one of you is. You can think of it in a Full consciousness, full presence, and the other is in a deep state of surrender. So one of you is much more in stillness meditation, and the other one is in total flow. You can actually dance with that in partnership.

So tell me more about polarity. What's that?

Polarity is this idea that, like, just like in a battery, if one person is very. Is holding one side of the energy coin and another person holds the other side, there can be a lot of attraction between the two. So kind of the core polarity in the Tantric and Taoist tradition is consciousness and energy. So one partner is. Is really bringing full presence. And what's interesting is you can even think of it in terms of dominance and submission. Like the fully conscious partner is in some ways directing and holding the space of the experience. And when someone shows up and does that, the other partner naturally can fall into energy flow and surrender. So it's playing with that dynamic now. A lot of people crave energy flow and surrender, both men and women. That's why a lot of men go and see doms in bdsm, because they want that state of energy flow and surrender. And oftentimes their female partners aren't willing to dom them or show up in consciousness enough to offer them the opportunity to surrender. So it's been too often put into a narrow gendered box that men hold consciousness and women hold energy. But I don't find that to be true at all. It's. We both crave the stillness and mastery of holding dynamic space for our partners and allowing them to surrender. And we all crave this deep surrender where your mind is gone, you're in a space of loss of control, and usually your body floods with energy in that state. So it's really powerful to be able to navigate what happens to my partner when I really own the consciousness pole. Are they able to surrender and drop in energetically and vice versa? And you can actually work through blockages. Right? A lot of women have fear of being the conscious pole in their partner because they've been conditioned to believe that that's what men do. But a lot of men are going to see, like, dominatrixes because they crave this state of surrender. They crave being flooded with energy. So I train women in heterosexual partnerships to offer experiences for men that allow them that surrendered energy state. You know, 30 minute penis massages, breathwork sessions, things where men learn to enter surrender and they don't have to perform, they don't have to be in a state of control and vice versa. If you ask questions, women, what Is your number one sexual craving. I'd say the top one that I see over and over again is I, I want to surrender. I want to be, you know, you don't say the full word. So I want, I want to be effed open to God. Right? I want, I want the third thing brought to me and I want it to blow my mind. And I want to be in a state of like, just mind blown. Right. That's a state of surrender. So for women to conscientiously say, wow, what keeps me out of surrender? How can my partner support me into a greater state of surrender? But also you can train yourself through woke masturbation to be able to surrender. So it's not all about your partner. You're not waiting for the perfect partner. Maybe it's the pool boy. And you can get into a really powerful state of ecstatic surrender. When you learn to do that, it's so sexually liberating because you're not waiting around for your partner to figure it out. Although obviously you still want to express your desires to your partner and having sex that feels good to you.

Very well said. And I'm totally sending this episode to my friend and she totally knows. She's going to know exactly how, who I'm talking about, which is funny.

Great.

Now you talk about how you've trained these people. Are these big groups of people. Are these one on one with couples? What does a training look like when you're teaching the Vita method?

I did do one on one for many, many years now. It looks like online trainings and programs. Yeah.

Awesome. I've never been to a in person one. It seems like it'd be kind of odd to sit in a, a hotel conference room with, you know, a whole bunch of other couples. I, I've heard there are things like that, but that isn't a place I've ever gone.

Totally. You know, I mean, I, I do that too occasionally. Mostly because it's fun. Um, but it's surprising how natural it actually is. People think like, oh, my God, being naked around others, or like, be, you know, exploring sexuality around others. If you read Sex at Dawn or like all these theories that like, you know, our origin.

I've interviewed Chris on the show.

Yeah, yeah. Our origin is being these like, sexy naked monkeys that just like, have I.

Got a burning man?

It's more natural than you think it is. It doesn't mean everyone has to do it. But everyone's always like, so terrified, in my experience. And then they're like, oh, my God, this is like, this is what my soul has been craving. And I do think that these more expanded sexual experiences, these deeper states of ecstasy, these, like, being willing to take down the barriers between you and your partner and, like, look your most beloved in the eye at the peak of orgasm. It's what everyone is craving and yet so terrified of. And I do think it heals loneliness, it heals stress. It reminds you that you're a magical, alive being in a universe of chaos and mystery. And I think that's so healing for people.

That is such a powerful way of explaining that. Thank you.

What that means is if I host a couple sexual experience at the Beverly Hilton Oasis Room, send me an invite. You should come with your electrodes.

I'll bring the electrodes. That's no problem. Yeah, that was kind of a weird experience. But you're talking in your kind of list of types of sex, the sensational sex. If every time you touch someone, electrical current flows through that spot, that is definitely sensational sex. And I mean, there's all sorts of electroplay with BDSM and stuff like that. This is actually stuff that's meant for exercise, but it will cause muscles to tighten, tighten wherever you touch it. And you can imagine which muscles might tighten. So, yeah, there's all sorts of crazy stuff that's out there.

Totally. And we're so unaware of it. One of the most basic things I teach men who don't believe in energy is if you're having consensual sex with a partner, just imagine a beam of powerful, potent energy coming out of your penis and penetrating your partner and just see what happens and tell me whether you believe in energy or not.

Yeah, they'll believe in energy after that. That's not a problem. It sounds like we could go on and on for probably two more episodes. I think people are really going to enjoy this because there's just some honest talk about stuff that most people have experienced at least a little bit of. But even if you have your adult friends and you're saying, oh, yeah, we had a good night in bed last night, it was amazing. Most people don't say, oh, and I experienced this amazing thing when I. I did X. So just talking about that, studying it both from a mystical and from a science perspective and putting it into a body of knowledge is valuable work. And honestly, it's one of those three F words that all people have to deal with to evolve as humans. So I'm glad that you're out there at the forefront doing that work. Thank you.

Thank you so much. If you talk about meditation, if you capture people talking about deep states of meditation and deep states of orgasm, you actually can't tell the difference between the two. It's crazy that we've made one of them, like, uplifted now and sacred in our society. And, like, it's encouraged to practice meditation and mindfulness, although that is only in the last 10 years. It's my mission for sexuality to have that same elevation and for people to have the same level of awe and comfort and appreciation for what sex has to offer us.

Well, it's. It's coming.

Yes. Thank you, Dave.

I was just waiting.

There literally should be nothing after that.

There should be.

He actually winked because you couldn't see that, but that was like, mic drop.

On that note, Your website is laylamartin.com l a y l a martin.com, one of the books you've written. You've written, I think more than one, but it's epic. A playful guide for lovers.

It's got that six types of sex we talked about in it.

Okay. And you teach people online, and so people go to your website and find out more. And I just have to say this. If you're in a relationship or not really, but especially if you're in a relationship and you're not managing your sexual desire at least as well as you manage your food intake, you're doing it wrong.

Hallelujah.

If you enjoyed today's episode of Bulletproof Radio, you should probably just go and masturbate. But do it woke style. And if you're not going to do that, you could leave a review for the podcast. That said, this was worth listening to. You could send it to a loved one in your life or to that one friend of yours who's a doctor who totally needs to get some or whatever else makes you happy. Have a great day.

A Human Upgrade, formerly Bulletproof Radio, was created and is hosted by by Dave Asprey. The information contained in this podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended for the purposes of diagnosing, treating, curing, or preventing any disease. Before using any products referenced on the podcast, consult with your healthcare provider carefully read all labels and heed all directions and cautions that accompany the products. Information found or received through the podcast should not be used in place of a consultation or advice from a healthcare provider. If you suspect you have a medical problem or should you have any healthcare questions, please promptly call or see your healthcare provider. This podcast, including Dave Asprey and the producers, disclaim responsibility for any possible adverse effects from the use of information contained herein. Opinions of guests are their own and this podcast does not endorse or accept responsibility for statements made by guests. This podcast does not make any representations or warranties about guest qualifications or credibility. This podcast may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products or services. Individuals on this podcast may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to herein. This podcast is owned by Bulletproof Media.