How 5 Self-Coaching Steps Get You to Your Goals – Jason Goldsmith : 942

You're listening to the Human Upgrade with Dave Asprey, formerly Bulletproof Radio. You're listening to the Human Upgrade with Dave Asprey. Today is an episode that you haven't heard before. This is one about how to coach yourself. Most professional people at the top of their game, whether they're CEOs, professional athletes, actors, vocalists, even people who are working professionally, like as attorneys or doctors, they have coaches when they're at the very top of their game. In fact, I've had the pleasure of certifying more than a thousand coaches in my practices. But not everyone has the time, the interest, the finances, or just the willingness to go hire someone to do that. Because you're like, maybe I'm doing well enough in this episode. You're going to learn how important it is and how to go about coaching yourself to get the kind of success you want. This is not to say you should not hire a coach. There's actually great benefits to it. I'm just acknowledging that you probably won't. So in that world, what do you do to improve with less time, less energy, and most important of all, less struggle and suffering? And I think I found the right person to ask. His name is Jason Goldsmith, and he's a coach, as you'd expect. But he looked at what happens as a globally recognized performance coach when he teaches people how to own their own. I'm going to say bs and of course, I mentioned some coaching stuff. He's coached athletes from all the major Sports and Fortune 500 execs. And his book is Take Charge of you, How How Self coaching can transform your life and Career. And guys, the function of this show, the reason that we're going up to almost a thousand episodes now, which is probably about a total of 10,000 hours between research and show prep and doing notes and all that of time. Why would I do that? Well, because it's less work to learn from people who've done it than for you figure out how to do it all by yourself. So that's about making knowledge scalable. And the reason that I wanted Jason on the show today and what you're going to get out of the show today is he's looking at how to take the ideas of coaching and make them scalable so they're accessible to everyone. And that's a noble effort. And we need more people who own their own shit. If you don't mind me saying as much with that note. Jason, welcome to the show.

Thanks, Dave. I'm really excited to be here.

I've known A few guys who have gone from coaching pro athletes to coaching executives. I'm thinking of my friend Jeff, who was on the show a while ago, who coached nine Tour de France teams and I know several others. What is this thing about? I want to coach athletes, so now I want to coach CEOs because they don't seem that similar, at least not on the surface. Why that transition?

Well, I mean, I think they are similar.

What is this thing about? I want to coach athletes, so now I want to coach CEOs because they don't seem that similar, at least not on the surface. Why that transition?

Well, I mean, I think they are similar. So I think in sports you, you want to win and I think high level executives want to win and it's just the game that's different. So you know, if I'm coaching a professional golfer, a lot of times high level CEOs play golf. And so, you know, through coaching them in golf, we start to create this friendship and it's not that dissimilar. So the process of coaching yourself in a sport and coaching yourself to be a better CEO are actually very similar.

I love that answer and that was my understanding, having gone through a coaching process like that. But some of the people you write about, I want to make sure these are people you are coaching or just stories you're telling. Tom Brady, Indra Nooyi, these were your clients?

No. So Tom House, who is a partner of mine in a tech company called Mustard, he coaches Tom Brady directly. Andrew Newey was coached by David Novak, who is the co author of this book. So the way that we wrote this book was David was the founder and CEO of Yum Brands. And so David has coached on the business side, you know, hundreds of hundreds of CEOs in, in the last 40 years. And on the sports side, I, I've coached, you know, Drew Brees, Jason Day, Justin. Like you name the, the sports guys on that side of it. And then when David and I got together, it was David's idea that we write a book where he focuses on the business side and I focus on the sports side. And through that we've ended up cross pollinating. And I work with some executives and David obviously works with some sports guys as well. So that's how it all happened.

You put your heads together to see the overlap where each of you had some overlap already, but you're more sports and he was more business. But you both had enough overlap that you could see the commonalities. That's probably why I admit I don't know who was responsible for which chapter or whether you guys just kind of munged it all together. But it's a really good synergy of those two ideas. And I would have never believed this, but having had a chance to talk with Nikki Bella, who's a pro athlete and also basically her own CEO on the show a while back, and Nick Foles, you know, super bowl mvp, the amount of thinking that those athletes have to go through is astounding. And we just kind of think it's physical performance, but no, it's a performance and a physical performance. So same with actors. With Brandon Ralph, the amount of presence it takes to do that, I find is similar. But if you look at like an Indra Nui, I've been fortunate to meet with her and have dinner with her. And she sat down and she said, dave, the Pepsi economy would be, I think she said, the 17th largest economy in the world if it was a country. So this is like a crazy powerful woman, very smart, right? But to be able to withstand and wield that amount of power and attention is an exceptionally difficult task. And I'm not anywhere at that level, but I get plenty of attention and it can be daunting. So the idea that even at those highest levels, there are coaches who are sitting there and helping out. What I don't understand, at least at those big levels, what do you actually do when you coach? Do you sit down and be like, rah, rah, you're doing great. Are you a shoulder to cry on? Are you a therapist? What does that really look like?

Yeah, I would say it's all of the above. And it always starts with the story. So when I sit down with a new client and it doesn't matter if it's a CEO or an athlete, what I want to hear from them is what's their personal story and what are the things that are stopping them from achieving whatever the goals are that they want to achieve. So, you know, if it's an athlete, it's, it's pretty simple because everything they do is measured on outcome. And so if an athlete wants to become the best in the world at something, then you listen to their story about their sport and they start to tell you, well, I'm really good at this and I'm really good at that. But this one thing has always been this problem. And so it always starts with the story. And then, and then what I do as a coach is really have them start to on this journey of becoming more self aware so that they can realize that the story needs to change in order for them to get to where they need to be. So it's really about understanding the depreciating thoughts that they're having on a regular basis and how those depreciating thoughts are affecting their belief system and how they typically support that belief system with those negative outcomes. So I'll give you an example. If somebody thought that they weren't a very good putter and they missed the putt because that's their belief system, they would reinforce the missing of the putt by saying, see, I told you I'm not a very good putter. Where what you have to do is, you have to say, hold on a second. We need to really examine that story that you tell yourself about putting. And then how do we systematically start to change your belief system so that you're not continuing to have that negative dialogue in order to make the change?

So this is where I'm always asking myself questions. Because if you have radical self reflection and you can see through your own story, actually you might suck at putting. Right. So no, no, I'm good, I'm a good putter. But you're actually not. Isn't that just another level of self denial, this kind of Pollyanna thing? And it feels like we're getting a lot of that in business. It doesn't matter what reality is. It matters whether, you know, no one's feelings are hurt and weird things like that.

Yeah, you want to make sure that you're dealing with facts and you know, in anything that an athlete is doing. The amount of time that these athletes at the highest level have spent to master their craft, if they apply themselves to a specific part of that sport, they typically are able to change something that was a weakness into a strength. It starts with mindset, though. So if they're in this mindset of only seeing problems, then it's hard to switch the mindset to a solution based mindset. So I always say it's an Einstein quote. Right. You can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it is fundamental here. Right. So if you've created this problem called I can't putt, it's really difficult to fix that problem with that same mindset.

So you change it from I suck at putting, which may be real, not to I'm good at putting, but you change it to I am learning how to be good at putting. Something like that.

Right. I'm not good at. Right. Rather than I can't do something, I can't do something yet. So let's attack it let's figure out what are the things that we need to improve on, and then let's start to improve them. But let's do it from an appreciating mindset rather than one that's supporting a negative belief system.

One of the things that I've experienced as CEO of, I think, six companies now in my portfolio, plus, obviously, the stuff I've done at Bulletproof, the higher up you are in a company, and the bigger and more visible a company or you are, the less likely you are to ever hear the truth. Because people are like, oh, I better tell him what he wants to hear. I'm like, actually, what I wanted to hear was the truth. But it's like, very few people just have the balls to say, that's a dumb idea, Dave. And I'm like, I like you. Thank you. I didn't know it was a dumb idea. I thought it was a good one. But, you know, now I can think about it. How do you coach people, whether they're pro athletes or everyone just wants to have, good shot, man, good shot. You'll do better next time. And you're like, actually, you know, you've dipped your elbow or whatever, but golfers do. How do you coach these senior people so that they can actually hear the truth instead of hearing almost all bullshit?

Well, you know, so being a performance coach, you're measuring everything. And I'm probably one of the only coaches that has seen every shot that every athlete that I work with has hit in competition. And so when I'm out there with the athlete, what I'm looking for is, are they following the process that we agreed on? Did they execute the action, and what did it look like when they were executing the action? And so I'm measuring constantly so that when we're done with that particular round of golf or we're done with that particular outing, let's say in baseball, we can then sit down and have a conversation about, hey, on that fourth hole, you were hitting that drive and you really looked anxious. You know, what was. What was going on in your mind during that time? And that gives us insight as to how we can help when those situations arrive in that particular environment so that we can deal with it and make it less threatening. And then, you know, like I said, turn that thing that whatever was causing the, you know, the doubt or fear into a. Into a positive, so the next time they're in that situation, they can perform the way they want.

How does that counteract the fact that people will lie to you to please you, when you're rich and powerful or famous, which is pretty much all of the clients that you have.

Well, I mean, if you're not willing to be courageous enough and vulnerable enough to speak the truth, then you're not going to be able to get the results that your clients want to get. And so to me, it's about just being truthful and it not being about the paycheck and it being about making sure that I'm providing the best service and value that I can for the client that's in front of me. And sometimes the truth is hard, and sometimes people don't want to hear the truth. But just like you said, in those times, you're so appreciative because it saves you maybe weeks or months of going down a path that maybe you wish you wouldn't have gone down if somebody would have just spoken up and said, hey, Dave, maybe we should look at this this way. That might not be such a great idea.

If you're a CEO or a pro athlete, you hire a coach and then you ignore the coach, okay, you got a problem. And like that. That's like therapy land, you know, self sabotage, mommy didn't love me kind of stuff. But the question I'm asking is, you're coaching someone. You're a voice of trusted sanity and reason from your perspective, and you have a relationship with your client, but everyone else in the client's world tells them what they want to hear. How is one of your clients supposed to know what you are saying is accurate versus what all the yes men are saying?

Well, I think for me, where it's unique, what I do is I'm helping the client to become present in the moment. For all athletes, when you're present in the moment, you have more information available and you're able to perform at a higher level. So it's very easy for us to determine when an athlete is in that space and when an athlete's not in that space. So what I'm doing is creating a mental routine that allows them to be the best they can at their physical routine. And so it's very separate. Like, if a guy's over a shot, thinking about how to hit the shot, then, and he's thinking about technique, he's no longer connected to the environment or connected to the target. So it's easy for me to say, look, if your awareness is on your shoulder dipping, it can't also be on the target. We need to make sure that your awareness is where it needs to be and that you're running Your process. So there might be other coaches in the same camp or on the same team, but each of the lanes is very separate. So a swing coach would do most of the technical work. What I'm doing is helping the athlete to become present in the moment so they can perform at their best.

That makes sense. When you're explaining to a new client, or even better yet, like you do in the book, look, you're going to have to be in charge of coaching yourself. What's the elevator pitch for? Why is coaching important? When you're explaining to a new client, or even better yet, like you do in the book to someone, look, you're going have to be in charge of coaching yourself. What's the elevator pitch for? Why is coaching important?

So coaching is, is, is critical, right? I mean, we, we, we all know that, that we've all had mentors or coaches in our lives that, that, you know, go back to exactly what you said is, you know, they're giving us honesty and feedback and encouragement and all these, you know, supporting things that help us to achieve what we want to achieve. And the problem is, is there aren't enough good coaches out there. And it's very difficult, I think, for people to afford a good coach or have access to a good coach. And you know, for the most part, if people are willing to do the work to become self aware, then coaching themselves is what you end up having to do in pressure situations anyway. So, you know, if you're in a boardroom having to make a difficult decision, your coach isn't sitting right next to you telling you what to do or say. It's the work that you've done with the coach away from that situation that allows you to react or respond in the appropriate way to help you make better decisions and run the meeting the way that you want to make sure that you're running it.

One of the unstated until now reasons I wanted to have you teach the audience what you know about self coaching is that most of biohacking is actually a self coaching process. The idea is you pick a target. That's something you might, you might do with a client, right? Like what matters most to you, right? Let's say you want to lose weight or you want to fix your metabolism or you want your brain fog to get fixed, whatever those things are. And then you say, okay, what are the ways you measure it? And then how do you experiment to figure out you're going to get the results? And it's a lot easier if you have a biohacking Coach who can walk you through it, which is a luxury, right? It's faster, it removes friction. But for the vast majority of people listening, you're coaching yourself and it's just a very simple thing. Goal metric, are you going to execute? But many people don't execute. Why don't people execute? Even if they succeed in picking a goal and a target, I think it.

Boils down to people not having a blueprint or a pathway and they're stuck in that problem identification mindset. And so when all people see are problems and people come at the particular issues from a belief system that doesn't support their success, then I think that that's why they're not able to overcome the hurdles. And part of the reason why we wrote this book was to help people to develop this toolkit so that they are able to identify, hey, look, everybody has these exact same problems. Everybody's dealt with so called failures. But here are tools that will, not only will you expect it, but then when you are confronted by it, you'll have the tools to overcome it and, you know, move on and be able to start to change that mindset and achieve the things that you want to achieve.

Okay. Something that I wouldn't have expected to find in your new book is the word joy. Because joy isn't something you hear CEOs talk about much at all, unless they're talking about that time when they finally sold their company. But honestly, most of what you see is hustle and grind and optimization, which isn't even the word I like. If you're going to optimize something, maybe you should just minimize joy so you can have a more optimal amount of it to do something. Bleh. That sounds gross. So why is joy a part of your book on coaching yourself?

Well, I think it's really important for people to know what it is that brings them joy and what are the things that diminish their joy. So for me, if you're self aware enough to know, when do I feel my best? I feel my best when I'm doing this, this, this and this. Right, and it goes back to your biohacking. Exactly that. Right. So if I was able to biohack my day, what are the things I do every single day that make me feel the best possible version of myself? Okay, that's great. But then what are the things that get in the way of that joy? And then how do I eliminate those joy blockers and have more of those joy builders? Then what happens? You start to have better and better days and the Better days you have, the better your productivity goes up and everything else. So to me, I think that joy is a critical ingredient and I don't think enough people have enough joy in their day to day life. So for me it was very important, especially with professional athletes because they get so caught up in outcome, which is out of their control. And you can imagine how frustrating that is that when you're measured by this thing that's out of your control. You started to play this sport as a kid because you loved it and now all of a sudden all you see is frustration because you've lost the joy of the game. Because now everything is measured in outcome. How many goals or how many touchdowns or all those things start to, you know, create this struggle in your life. And you really need to focus on what brought you to joy in the first place.

So you're going to a pro athlete who's saying, I really want to win the game, that's going to make me happy. And you're saying you should focus on your joy, whether or not you win 100%. How does that go over?

Well, I think it's, you know, them understanding that the, you know, the only thing that's really in their control is their attitude in that particular environment. And so, you know, the brain, If I'm perceiving the environment and I'm making a prediction about the environment, then, you know, if I bring a positive attitude or a process to that environment, then I'm going to put myself in the best possible position to win. Doesn't mean I'm going to win. You know, you could throw the best pitch of your life and a guy close his eyes and hit a four run home run. You could throw the worst pitch of your life. Guy hit into a double play. So, you know, what you can control is your attitude and the process that you can create.

As a coach. What do you say to someone who just loses their mind in public? They hit their tennis racket, they go up on stage and what's probably a planned thing and slap a comedian. You know, the, the kind of things we hear about all the time. So your client's like, oh man, I can't believe I just did that. What does the conversation look like?

So, you know, that happens. And, and you know, really what you end up doing is explaining that it's, it's, it's, you know, an emotional hijacking and the, the fact that they got angry and had this episode, you know, they've produced all this cortisol in their system and it takes 45 minutes for the cortisol to get out of their system. And so, you know, basically you just say it's just energy loss and you only have so much energy and so much focus. To be able to compete in a given day, you really have to be able to manage, you know, whatever this thing is that made you angry and then talk about why it made you angry in the first place and hopefully come up with a way of reframing the situation where they see it in the future as. That doesn't make sense for me to get mad at. That happened, but that was out of my control. So typically, again, it's built around them being too fixated on an outcome.

What's the difference between joy and peace? Because a lot of athletes and a lot of CEOs are kind of restless souls. The number who've come through my neurofeedback center, at the end of it, I didn't realize that I'm a CEO because I was bullied in sixth grade and I'm still trying to prove I'm good enough. Does it sound like a familiar story from some of your clients?

Absolutely. Yeah.

So peace is probably a really good bar because these are people who've never felt peace versus joy. What does your conversation with a client look like around that?

Well, I mean, to me it's joy and peace and contentment. Those are all words that, you know, if, if we could have a person be at peace when they're performing, it's going to give them a level of freedom, you know, so, so, you know, maybe you interchange those words or somebody could be content with their performance. You know, I, I would agree with that as well. So, you know, I think you could interchange those things because essentially what we're looking for is we're looking for a person to be in a place where they have made a decision and committed to an intention and then are free enough to be able to perform with a complete disconnection to the outcome. And if you're able to do that, then their ability level or their opportunity for the outcome to fall on their behalf goes up significantly. So to me, I think all of those, those words are kind of interchangeable. When coaching elite athletes or CEOs, the.

Ability to remain either joyful or peaceful even when things don't go your way is the state of equanimity, which is a big part of what I work to teach people in the upgrade collective and especially in the context of neurofeedback type of systems. Just because you can have empathy where you Feel everyone's pain. It kind of sucks, but better than nothing. You can have compassion, which is okay, I can sense their pain, but I have to feel it. And then you have equanimity, which is whether or not they're in pain or whether or not I'm in pain. I can still be in my chosen state, which for an athlete is a state of kicking ass or whatever they call it. How do you walk a high end client through that? You know, look, you need to connect with your team, you need to feel their pain. And, or your team or your fans or your teammates. If it's an athlete, how do you go through those three levels? Like translate it from Buddhism into executive coach speak?

Well, I think that the most important thing is understanding that whoever it is that they are responsible to, whether it be their team, everybody that's involved with them, they all want to feel the same things. David is probably, he's written three or four books on recognition and one of his books was taking people with you. And it's really value, you know, what people want is to feel valued and they want to feel affiliation in, you know, so if you can, you know, make sure that everybody feels recognized for the value they, they bring and they are affiliated in the success, then I think they've done their job as a CEO or you know, really what an athlete is, is a CEO of their brand or their team, of all the people around them. And so it's very similar.

It really is similar. And the framework that you have about a self coaching conversation in the book, it sounds like it's exactly the same thing that you would do as a outsourced coaching conversation. Right? And you talk about finding joy blockers. What is a joy blocker?

So a joy blocker would be something that, you know, for me, what I really don't care for is poor communication. And so that's definitely a joy blocker for me. So what I want to do is I want to figure out, okay, what are the things that I can do in my day to day coaching profession that I can help people to be able to communicate so that I'm not feeling that, you know, that feeling that I get when I'm not being or I'm not having the level of communication with the people that I need around me. So you know, to me that's an example of something that, that really gets in the way of me being able to perform and be my best is when I feel like communication breaks down so well. You know, what are the systems that I can in place are put in place that would allow me to get the communication I need to, to be able to perform when I need to perform.

What are the most common joy blockers people identify when they're doing their own self coaching?

It's, you know, 100%, it's around outcome. So, you know, 100% maybe is too much. But I would say most of the time it's outcome related. So they've focused on outcome so much that they've lost the reason why they ever started to do the thing that they used to love to do in the first place. And they just feel like they're, you know, that they're lost, like they don't know how to fix it and they feel stuck and frustrated and the mind that they have isn't allowing them to get through it or past it.

This is the old I'll be happy when situation that most people, especially if you're under 30, you almost certainly believe that I'll be happy when I'm rich, I'll be happy when I'm famous, I'll be happy when I have a stable relationship. Whatever your story is, and then you get it and it, oh, that was good for 10 minutes. And then you go back to I'm not happy. And that mindset is a major joy blocker because it's the same thing as saying I am not happy until. And people, you don't see it that way. So let's say listeners are now going through, in their mind, they're saying, okay, I have some of that going on. What do you do about that?

It boils down to mastery.

Is the air you're breathing making you sick? Just because you don't see mold doesn't mean it isn't there. My friend Jason Earle has been on a mission for over two decades to help people understand the hidden role of indoor air in their health. He's one of the world's leading experts on mold and indoor air quality. And he created the Got Mold test kit to make professional grade air testing simple and accessible. It uses cutting edge air sampling tech that top inspectors trust, and it's engineered for you at a fraction of the cost. It takes just minutes to get samples using the patented biovac air sampling pump. Then you send them prepaid to one of the most prestigious microbiology labs in the world. No guesswork, no paperwork and no hidden fees. You get fast results, intuitive reports and great support. And since you keep the pump, you can retest anytime for less. It even comes with a lifetime warranty. Mold may be invisible, but its Impact isn't. This kit helps you understand your environment so you can take action for your health. Go to gotmold.com and use code DAVE10 to save 10% and see what's in your air. Because the best biohacker hackers don't guess. They test. You're listening to the human upgrade with Dave Asprey. Well, listeners are now going through, in their mind, they're saying, okay, I have some of that going on. What do you do about that?

It boils down to mastery. And to me, I think that the way that I want people to think about creating their single biggest thing is realizing that it's a never ending journey that you're going to have these road signs along the way that you're going to call success. But if you're really wanting to master this thing and master this craft, it's a never ending process. You're constantly learning. I'm trying to read a book a week or interact with other coaches that have nothing to do with the sports I'm involved in just so I can get other perspectives or hear about things in different ways that will allow me to be a better coach. And I know that I don't, you know, I'm not even scratching the surface on the things that I do, you know, but I feel like that the more I can continue to learn, be an avid learner, continue to grow, the better coach I'll be in the long run. So to me it's about mastering your craft and continuing on the path and never stopping. There is no finish line.

You talk about joy builders in the book. So if your joy blocker is a mindset thing, isn't it also like activities like if you hate doing something and it just makes you tired, like your taxes, that seems like a joy blocker too, or I don't know, being told what to do for your own safety, that actually didn't help you. Stuff like that. Seems like those are externalized joy blockers. Those aren't mindsets, those are actually just stupid things. So how do you, how do you address that kind of joy blocking versus the I'll be happy when kind of joy blocking?

Well, I think, you know, the reason why we're doing these exercises is we're trying to help people create what, what their single biggest thing is or their, or their purpose. And, and what we want them to do is identify a list of things that, that are the low hanging fruit of things that we know are distracting or blocking them from having their joy so that we can then focus on the Things that bring them joy so that we can help them make a decision on what their purpose is or what their single biggest thing is so that they can move forward towards that. So it's not necessarily. I mean, I guess if you were in business and taxes were really bringing you down, you know, maybe one of the joy blockers could be taxes, but, you know, maybe the solution to that would be, you know, hire a tax accountant or hire a tax attorney or, you know, something like that.

I love that. And that's been longstanding advice. I think Dan Sullivan's had a big impact on me, who's been on the. On the show and a good friend, where. Yeah, if it's something that really does block your joy, you could do deep meditation and childhood trauma work so you're less reactive to taxes, or you could just pay someone to do it for you. And if you have enough money to do that. Right. And it's. When you're doing self coaching, you may not be in a position to do that. So it may come down to automation or just focusing on something else that raises your joy, which is a part of the book called Find you'd Joy builders. So most common joy builders for people. What are those?

So I think the most common joy builders are the things that they enjoy doing. So for athletes, it's. It comes down to, you know, what are the aspects of the sport that you play that you really enjoy? And a lot of guys like to go to the gym or they. They like the clubhouse. They like the affiliation with the other athletes. They like the attention they get from the fans, you know, whatever it is, what's the thing that it could be. I love the competition, which is probably the, you know, the healthiest thing. And, and those are the things that they can focus on that bring them joy. So how do you create a path for them to be able to have more of that in their life? And that seems to really be able to help them. Once they put pen to paper and they see it written in front of them.

I don't know that from what I've seen, there is a single thing that's a joy builder. You can look at something like the love languages. What's the single thing that makes people feel loved? Well, I don't know. It depends on the person because some people want to hug and other people want a bottle of wine, and there isn't a single thing. And it seems like when you look at joy builders, look, if you like to dance, great. And if you suck at dancing, you don't like to do it and it actually sucks your energy, then no. So what's the process of someone self coaching to figure it out? Because a lot of people, especially guys, it seems, really haven't had permission to think about that in a long time. Because it's like it's your job to be a provider and do the grind and go to work and f your feelings kind of stuff. So is there like a sit and meditate on bunnies? How do you recommend people do that?

Well, for me, it was in the very beginning. Deepak would have us do this meditation where you sit there and you basically ask the question, who am? What do I want? What do I give? And in that meditation, things start to start to come up. So, you know, what we say in the book is we want you to get into a neutral mindset. Get into a mindset where you're open to things. And once you're open to those things, then really just kind of focus on what are the things that I look back on and, and really bring me joy. And so it's not necessarily like saying, okay, I want to. I want a different job. So then you create this idea of, okay, what are the things that are going to bring me joy about this new job? It's. It's really more than that. It's about being self aware enough to say, okay, you know, like, like what are the things that really inspire me or, you know, to the things in my life that have brought me the most joy. And to me personally, what it is, is it's coaching. I love when somebody becomes self aware and I love when somebody realizes that, you know, I have these 60,000 thoughts a day and most of them are depreciating thoughts. But I have the ability to shift my awareness and not let this thought create this emotional overload or have me emotionally sabotaged. I have the ability to shift my awareness or my attention away from it and not have this emotional effect on me anymore. So that brings me a tremendous amount of joy. So how do I have more of that in my life? I have more of that in my life by coaching more people.

Part of the process is in your book, it's discover your single biggest thing, sbt. And what I want to know is, how's it different than Peter Diamandis and Tony Robbins were just on and they and Naveen Jane talk about moonshots, these really big audacious 10x goals and things like that. And of course, a lot of sort of bhag, that big hairy, audacious goal which came from One of the big five or big four now consulting firms. So what is an SBT versus all those other things that seem like they're in the same quadrant?

Yeah, I think it's very similar. I mean it boils down to purpose. For me, it's about helping somebody find out what their purpose for being here is. And you know, and it's, it normally is wrapped up in this, this single biggest thing idea. What is, what is this thing that is really going to bring me a lot more joy in my life? And, and how do I, and how do I get there?

You mentioned though, purpose, which is different than a lot of these goals. Like Tony's goal, I'm going to feed a billion people. Right. That's not necessarily a mission though. That's definitely a goal. How do you tell someone who's self coaching, figure out your mission, this is your purpose in life. People go to caves, they do plant medicines, they do retreats. And I work with people on this sometimes. My purpose kind of came to me in a really bizarre vision after breath work and neurofeedback and stuff like that. How do you do that with a book? That's the hardest thing to do even as a coach in person.

No, I agree. Hopefully what you can do is you can create a process where people put pen to paper about what their joy builders and joy blockers are. They go through a values exercise. You know, they try to make decisions that are supported, you know, support their values and move them in that direction. I never started out to be a performance coach like this wasn't even on my radar. But what happened over time was, you know, I really paid attention to my, my virtues and my values and opportunities presented themselves. And as those opportunities presented themselves, I was aware enough to say, oh wow, there's an opportunity there. You know, maybe this coaching or becoming a performance coach is this thing that feeds my soul. And you know, and it appeared and opportunity presented itself and I took the opportunity. So it wasn't that I had this in mind when I started out, it was that I knew what these things were, I knew what brought me joy, I knew what my virtues and values were. And I just continued to go down the path until this thing presented itself. And then I said, oh, that's what I want to do.

The person I've met who probably best exemplified this is Nick Foles. I have never met a more humble and focused and just values and mission oriented guy. It was pretty amazing to sit down and get to know him and interview him a few times and work with him on a couple projects. So it's possible to be completely in a different zone. It doesn't seem like the vast majority of CEOs are in that zone. What percentage of them would you say are most of the way into that state where they've gotten rid of their joy blockers? They're completely mission driven and they're just not screwed up by anything, anything that would screw up a normal person, you know.

So for me, I think it's. My experience is unique with CEOs because typically I coach them, you know, through a particular sport. And so we can use the analogy of sport and the metaphor of sport to help them realize that there are other blockages or blind spots in their life. So it gives me a unique opportunity to use sport as a tool to help them become more well rounded in the rest of their life and in their business. So I think for me it makes it significantly easier because we have this common goal of getting more proficient at this particular sport. But through that process, what they're doing is becoming more self aware. You know, we're going through these joy builder, joy blocker exercises. They're learning more about all this negative mindset and then they end up actually applying it to their personal life and their career. That.

I get it, I can see it. It's tough to talk about these things because it's also kind of ephemeral and mushy. And I think people have a different view of this depending on your phase in life, who's mentored you, how much pain you've endured, all those kinds of things before you eventually realize you should dial in on this. Do you think that the process of self coaching makes that faster?

Well, what I think is at some point everybody's going to have to go on this journey. I mean, I shouldn't say that. I think there's probably a lot of people that, that aren't ever exposed to this journey, which I find too bad. But I think for people that, you know, want to have purpose in their life, you know, they're, they're tired of, of just working for the paycheck. You know, they want more out of life. You know, we're all going to go down this path. We're all going to have to be more self aware. We're going to have to learn these skills so that we can, you know, get out of that mindset or those negative beliefs and propel ourselves over these obstacles so that we can achieve a life where we are more content and we have more peace and more joy in Our life. And that was the purpose of writing the book, is to make these tools available to more people and hopefully inspire people to pick up the book and apply it so that they can have a better life and, and end up being more content.

You know, I liked a part of your book where you said that is a crucial part of choosing your SBT is to feel big, important, impactful, and aspirational. And as I was going through it, I'm like, all right, one of mine is definitely I'm going to live to at least 180. Right. And that, and I added the. At least in there to make sure it's aspirational, not self limiting. Is that a good example of an sbt?

Absolutely. I think that's. Yeah, I think that's fantastic.

Do you recommend that CEOs have an SBT personally and then another one for their company? Are they separate?

Yeah, I do. I think that you need to have a personal SBT and, you know, and hopefully it's in alignment with, you know, the business that you're running, because if it's not, then obviously you're gonna create conflict and struggle and that's going to be difficult for you. So hopefully you can create an SBT that it runs seamlessly through both.

There's some real actionable tools and you'd expect that just given the name of the book, take charge of you. So there's a playbook. Of course, you're a sports coach, so it would have to be a playbook. But can you give me some examples of things that are in the playbook?

Sure. So one of the things that we talk about is this self coaching mindset, and you want to open yourself up to growth. So one of the things that we go through is change your nots into not yets. To me, that's critically important because what people do is they look at something and they say, oh, well, you know, I can't run a marathon, you know, but, but really, you know, if, if that was their SBT was to, to be able to run a marathon or get healthy enough to run a marathon, or, you know, just be a healthier person. And running a marathon was one of those things. You know, just by saying, you know, I can't run a marathon yet, you know, what are the things that I need to do to be healthy enough of a person to be able to run a marathon? And then start to list those things, then, you know, to me, that's, that's an example of one of the tools that's in the book.

Why do you talk about using all five senses to spark your brain? I wouldn't have expected that in this genre of book. What's that all about?

For me, visualization is a key part of how I work with all the athletes that I am lucky enough to work with. And so what I've experienced over the last 12 years is not everybody does that the same way. So, you know, when you ask somebody to visualize something, you know, sometimes people, you know, have more of a sensation in their body than actually an image. Some people, you know, see themselves like they're walking into a movie screen. I work with a professional baseball player that didn't hear or, excuse me, didn't see how a pitch looked, but he heard how a pitch sounded. So, you know, I think, you know, going through that and experiencing that, I understand that, that sometimes you have to touch into these, these other senses. And, and, and the more that you can experiment with that, you might find that there is a sense that is more dominant than other senses that allow you to tune into yourself a little bit deeper.

I think there's actually more than five senses. And all the great CEOs and most of the professional athletes I've had really deep conversations with, we'll talk about it in different words. Sometimes it's a spiritual thing, sometimes it's something else. Or they'll say energy or gut feeling. How much of that that is a part of what makes these high performers.

I mean, it's everything. It's like being an artist and it's the genius that they've spent countless hours mastering. And then in the moment, being able to play with that experience and create out of nothing these amazing physical feats. And I'm amazed by it every single week that I'm at work, by what these athletes are able to do. It's really just this creating. If I was working with artists, it would be these masterpieces, but instead, you know, it's a guy throwing a football, or a girl kicking a soccer ball or whatever it is. It didn't exist before it occurred to them to make it exist in this world. And then you watch it and you're just amazed that anybody could be that skilled at anything.

I've looked at that quite a lot and I think everyone has some sense of that, but few people are tuned into it. Because unless you have a regular breathing practice, whether you have a meditation practice, you've done advanced, even just heart rate variability, biofeedback or neurofeedback, and sometimes shamanic work or some plant medicines, but not all of them, things like that, it's just completely invisible. So if someone wants to self coach, they're not going to have a coach who tells them to go do all that stuff. Is there one tool that would work particularly well to help people tap into whatever that sense is? I've seen people do deep breathing exercises like holotropic breathing. I've seen some plant medicines, but not all. I've seen neurofeedback or even just biofeedback with heart rate variability, walking in nature. What works best in your set to help them tune into that other sense?

Beyond the five, it's really understanding the no space. So if an athlete is about to perform an action, they have the space between what they're wanting to do and their end goal. And the more that they can be in tune to that present moment and have a clear intention or a sensation in their body to create that action, then, you know, understanding that space is what allows them to get into that, that present moment. And a lot of it has to do with how they use their eyes, but it also has to do with understanding that they don't want to re engage the thinking brain. So most people end up in trouble when they're trying to perform and they're thinking about how to perform. So you know what I say a lot is if you're thinking about how to play, you're no longer playing. And that's typically what happens. So if a person's getting ready to perform and then all of a sudden they start to have a thought about how to perform, they've lost that connection. So it's about being aware, being present, and being really clear about their intention and having a clear purpose that allows them to perform at the highest level. So it's developing that process that gets them into that space more often, that gives them the opportunity for that to turn out the way they want it to.

That sounds so much like Joe Dispenza's work. People who practice mindfulness can do all sorts of stuff that's statistically valid. But normal people, it looks like they can't do it because they didn't train their brain. So you study 10 meditators, there's an effect. You study random 10 people, there's no effect. And he does it over and over. I just got to have dinner with him in a small group doing research at UC San Diego. I think what you're describing there is the same thing. If you do it regularly, you get good at it. But if you don't do it regularly, it just doesn't exist.

Absolutely. You know, and so to me, what happens, we kind of touched on this earlier is, you know, very few people practice performing what their intention is in the environment that they're going to perform it. And it's difficult for somebody to be present if they're not used to being in that environment when they need to perform. And so what you want to do is you want to give them the toolbox to, when they experience that environment, that they don't start to think when they're presented with an obstacle, because as soon as they start to think, then their athleticism goes out the window.

Why is it so hard for athletes and executives to just stop thinking and start feeling or acting? What is it?

Well, I. I think it's what you just said before, right? They don't practice being still and they're not used to their mind not constantly being on, so they don't value that skill. And for anybody that wants to be able to achieve whatever it is in a sport, the more that you think about how, the less athletic you're going to be. And so again, what it does is, gives me an opportunity to expose them to a different way of considering, you know, being present more often. Like, they learn that they don't always have to be on, they don't always have to be problem solving, that there is a way for them to be present and have way more information come in rather than constantly being focused on these single point focuses that basically tune everything else out. So how I train my athletes to work is very different than most people in the sense that we all have this ability to move our eyes in a way that we move our attention in front of our eyes. And if we start to practice that on a regular basis, what we stop doing is we stop labeling all the things that we see. And so it's a way to put your awareness or your attention in front of your vision. And it's another way for you to be able to stay present in a moment where otherwise, when you're engaged in the prefrontal cortex, executive functions, constantly judging things, it's the judgment that causes the thinking. That is the thing that obstructs the doing.

One of the things that I really appreciated about your book, it's okay, look, you're going to coach yourself, but that doesn't mean you can't have assistant coaches. And so that's actually part of the playbook. Talk to me about how you would go about finding your assistant coaches, how you would approach them, and what makes them qualified to be your Assistant coaches.

Well, I think we all have people in our lives, or hopefully we all have people in our lives that we can trust and be vulnerable with. And we know what you said earlier about not BSing us, and they're not just going to say, yes, that's a great idea. You know, we need people that are going to tell us what they feel and give us, you know, their opinion. And, you know, to me, those are the assistant coaches that you want, you know, to bring into your circle when they're helping you, helping to support you and achieve these goals. It doesn't mean that you have to take their advice. But still, what you want is you want a sounding board. You want people to be able to be devil's advocate and maybe show you some of the pitfalls, show you some of the obstacles, because they're definitely going to arise. And so if you have a way to deal with them or you have a support system around you to help you when those things occur, then it's going to help you be able to move on through them.

So I'm imagining a conversation that goes like this. Hey, I'm reading this book called Take Charge of youf, and since I'm going to be my own self coach, I need a couple assistant coaches. You seem like a pretty smart friend. Will you be my assistant coach? Like, I'm sure that's not the right conversation. How would someone listening on the show actually go about doing that? Do you, like, set something up formally? Do you have meetings? Like, what does it look like?

Well, I mean, I think what you should do is, you know, you know who your friends are and you know who, who your confidence are. And maybe you don't. Maybe it's somebody that you don't know, but, you know, has the information you need. I think people inherently like to help people. And I think as long as you approach it in that manner and you say, hey, Dave, you know, what I'm really trying to do is improve my life. I know that you have helped thousands of people with this. Is there a way that, you know, you could give me five minutes and hear this idea that I have and, you know, maybe through your life experience, you, you know, shorten my, my journey by, you know, three or four years, you know, just through your life experience. And, and I think most people when, when somebody is. Is vulnerable like that to them. I think most people want to help.

I think they do. It's shocking what happens when you just ask someone, hey, I want you to tell me the truth. And they're a Real friend, and those are the real friends. But a lot of people only have one or two of those. Their friends are going to say something else for whatever reason. How many people who hire a coach end up doing a friend upgrade?

Well, I think it happens, right? I think when you start to change your life and you start to, you know, look at the world through a different lens and your belief system changes, you know, you're probably going to start to attract a different energy. And when you start attracting that different energy, then, you know, people are going to present themselves in your life that didn't present themselves before just because, you know, you weren't resonating that frequency. And so, you know, to me, I think that that's inevitable, that's going to happen.

And it's not a bad thing having the right community around you. It's one of the laws in my book, game changers. If you want your relationship to succeed, having a community that's supportive is important. I think there's three laws in there about community and support. So if you don't have the right friends, you got to get the right ones. That can be a little bit traumatic, but especially if you're a leader of a growing company and all of your friends who aren't there are jealous or they're the kind of friends who, you know, every compliment has a barb, it probably isn't going to feel good. Right? And I've seen several friends, as their businesses grow, go through that where like realize, oh, the two of the people they spend the most time with actually don't want them to succeed because of whatever. Right. And that's something that probably affects pro athletes too, right? You know, if you're the quarterback, let's say, you know, there's two other people who think they should be quarterback and they're always kind of, I don't know, what do you do? Throw footballs at the back of your head, Whatever you do when you're pissed off at someone. So how do you suggest people who are self coaching deal with the idea of sabotage from people who say that they're helping?

Well, I mean, I think that that happens and I, and I think you just have to take what somebody says and, you know, and you have to sit with it a while and you have to make that decision. You know, where is this advice coming from? You know, is it coming from their heart? Are they being truthful? You know, is, is this advice that I want to onboard, you know, is, is this person's values and virtues aligned with, you know, my sbt, you know, do they. Are they moving in the same direction? I am. And, you know, and I think, you know, you get an instinct, you know, your gut is. Is. Is so smart in these situations that a lot of times you're just going to have to rely on that and obviously understand that maybe this person isn't the right person to be your assistant coach and look for a different coach to fill that void.

Okay. So it's just a matter of switching things out. It makes a lot of sense. There's actually a lot of concentrated wisdom in the book, and I did my best to go through and highlight a few of the tools, but there are literally dozens of tools structured into individual buckets. So if you're looking for an actual process to set up a self coaching program, this is that kind of almost a recipe book. Okay, you need to do this, pick one of these, and then do this, pick one of these, which is pretty impressive and hard to do because coaching is such a mushy and, like, hard to define things. I want to congratulate you on getting it into writing and into structured writing, which is always, always the hardest part. As a fellow authority, and I'd like to thank you for being on the show and for taking this idea of coaching that's available to a smaller number of people and saying, well, you can at least use what we know on yourself and, you know, maybe get to another point. I think there's. There's great validity to that. If you're listening to the show, you've never had a coach. That's okay. I didn't work with coaches when I was starting out as an entrepreneur. Very few big companies are going to hire you hire an executive coach who's going to teach you how to manage. The first time you manage, you're just going to screw up a lot until eventually you get it right or you get fired, which is probably a good thing because maybe you deserved it, right? And then you're going to find a job where it's good for you. So all of those things kind of are in there in one way or another. So great job. Your website is takechargeofyou.com and appreciate your time teaching everyone today.

Oh, David, thank you so much for having me on the show. It's been. I've followed you for a long time. I'm a bulletproof coffee guy. You know, I, you know, I do the krill oil, so I really appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule to have me on your show. So thanks so much.

Oh, well, thank you for your time and attention on my work as well. I'm always honored when people doing good stuff. I got a little boost. Maybe that way. I will be talking about your book on the blog. You guys will find stuff@daveasprey.com including transcripts and all the links and things like that. But you can go straight to takechargeofyou.com and get some more wisdom from Jason and his fellow authors. You want to uplevel yourself, you can just do it through sheer grit and will and determination. It'll just hurt more than if you use a coaching process and that's why this episode is here for you. I want you to waste less time and hurt less because if you do that, you'll probably be nicer to everyone else. Maybe even me. I'll see you on the next episode. And thank you Upgrade Collective for your questions and encouragement during the interview. As always, you're listening to the Human Upgrade with Dave Asprey.

The Human Upgrade, formerly Bulletproof Radio, was created and is hosted by Dave Asprey. The information contained in this podcast is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended for the purposes of diagnosing, treating, curing, or preventing any disease. Before using any products referenced on the podcast, consult with your healthcare provider provider carefully read all labels and heed all directions and cautions that accompany the products. Information found or received through the podcast should not be used in place of a consultation or advice from a healthcare provider. If you suspect you have a medical problem or should you have any healthcare questions, please promptly call or see your healthcare provider. This podcast, including Dave Asprey and the producers, disclaim responsibility for any possible adverse effects from the use of information contained herein. Opinions of guests are their own and this podcast does not endorse or accept responsibility for statements made by guests. This podcast does not make any representations or warranties about guest qualifications or credibility. This podcast may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products or services. Individuals on this podcast may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to herein. This podcast is owned by Bulletproof Media.