How to Live Your Life After Great Loss – Amanda Kloots with Dave Asprey : 837

Bulletproof Radio, a state of high performance.

You're listening to Bulletproof Radio with Dave Asprey. Today is going to be a show that talks about the human side of grief and loss and love and community and courage. And these are things that you might often say, well, wait, what does that have to do with biohacking or human performance? And these have to do with the parts of being human that we all go through in our lives. And there are parts that we oftentimes don't talk about because they're uncomfortable. And we're wired in our cells to avoid things that are uncomfortable. However, if you do think about them, it gives you enormous opportunity for growth, enormous opportunity to be a better human being and to be of better service to others. And what inspired my interview today was an interview that Maria Shriver did with Amanda Kloots. Amanda co hosts the Talk, a really popular CBS daytime talk show. She's a former Broadway dancer, Radio City Rockette, and creator of the global fitness brand AK Fitness. She met her husband, Nick Cordero, who was a Tony Award nominated Broadway star and musician, when she was performing in Bullets Over Broadway. In her memoir, Live youe Life, Amanda writes about their life together and their family's experience with COVID in the early days of the pandemic. Maria decided to interview Amanda Kloots about what happened when she lost her husband Nick Cordero to Covid. And Amanda wrote a book about this to tell her story. And she built a huge movement around building community to support her as she was going through what she went through. So I thought, let's talk with Amanda today and let's see what she has to teach us about the story she tells in her book and also just to learn what really happened here. So, Amanda, thank you for taking the time to be with us on the show today.

Thank you so much for having me, Dave. It's nice to be here.

Some people listening might not know what happened with Nick, but Nick got Covid, but you didn't know it. And so let's go through a little bit of that just to catch everyone up.

Well, you know, I mean, it was these early days, you know, we can't forget what those early days were like. We were all glued to the television, you know, hearing that. It was something that old people get. And the symptoms were, you know, the, you can't breathe, lost your taste of smell. And, you know, Nick was 41 years old and he was tired. So we just didn't think that it was a possibility. You know, we had just moved across the country spent two weeks packing up our entire apartment in New York City. And I just thought he was exhausted with a little slight depression because he had lost his job like so many other Americans.

So there just weren't the common symptoms that you would expect. So just a little tired, right?

Yeah, he was just tired. He would. He was just not able to kind of keep his eyes open. And then, you know, one thing kind of led to another, and the respiratory issues started becoming apparent. And when those got bad, then that's when we finally took him to the emergency room, and he was admitted into the hospital at Cedar Sinai.

And he was in the hospital for about three months, ended up in a coma, and eventually had a leg, amputated and passed, right?

Yeah. Yes. Yeah. July 5th.

It was almost a year ago, and I. I want to ask you about your grieving process, but I also recognize that you may still be doing it. So I'll. I'll ask some questions that are meant to help others who may be going through things like that, but if you don't want to answer something, just don't.

Okay.

Was writing the book part of your grief process?

Well, I didn't know it at the time, but retrospectively, absolutely, at the time. I started writing for two reasons.

Once.

I had a. One of the reasons was I had a deadline. I had to start. And two, I had all this information in my head. So many numbers and machines and names and hospital rooms and dates and times, and I wanted to start writing that stuff down. There were things I did not want to forget because, you know, as we all do, your life goes on, and then you can't remember certain things. You know, you're like, oh, yeah, wait, what did. Oh, yeah, that was that. No, it didn't happen like that. It was this. And then that happened. And I didn't want that to be the case with this story. I have a little boy. I wanted to make sure that I had everything documented, the way it happened, so that one day he knew this. You know, he knew this story that I could tell him this story. So it was. It was a couple of different reasons why I started writing away.

There's so much that. That you share in the book. And I remember watching, you know, as you were openly sharing, and I want to talk in a minute about why you decided to share the way you did, but, you know, when you're. You're talking with a dancer and you get to the point of making a decision to amputate a leg like that, like, my heart went out to you because it felt like such a big thing to make that decision. And what kind of support did you have to make that decision? To me, that was like, one of the more painful things I'd seen on social media in a long time.

Yeah, I mean, it was absolutely. One of Nick's greatest things was that he was 6 foot 5. When he walked into a room, you couldn't help but notice him. His stature, his, you know, meaner, is what got him jobs. As an actor, we use our bodies, and unfortunately, as an actor, you know, vanity becomes, you know, very important. We're very concerned about what we look like and what our body looks like and how we move and walk especially. So I knew that this decision was a rough one and that Nick would have a really hard time accepting it, as we all would, but there really was no choice. The infection in his leg, the blood clot in his leg was taking over his body, and so much of his body was already compromised that if his leg was drawing so much attention, it was taking off the attention of the other parts of his body that really needed to heal, like his lungs, like his heart, like his kidneys. And so it wasn't really an option. It was. We either amputate this leg so that the body can focus on the things it needs to focus on, or it's going to take over his body.

There are many people who are facing tough decisions, medical decisions, who are. Who are in a situation like yours, who don't share. And the fact that you're willing to share publicly your thought process and what you went through, it's incredibly beneficial the way you're sharing it, and that's.

Well, thank you. You know, for me, who or how. Yeah, well, I'm a very spiritual person. I have a very strong faith, and it's always been a part of my life. And that's where I go when I need strength, when I need support, that is exactly where I go. You know, it was a situation for me that, you know, it was a leg. Yes. And it's terrifying and horrible, but you can get an amazing prosthetic. And I ended up talking to different amputees as well, which was. Was a huge support system to me. You know, they confirmed, listen, this is a hard road. This isn't something that you wish for, but you become a whole different person in a beautiful new way. And the prosthetics these days are incredible. And so those two things, you know, my faith and belief in. In God, helped me absolutely emotionally. And then the support of talking to other amputees and making sure that, you know, they just. They just gave me so much confidence that Nick is going to be okay. And. And he'll have a new life. It'll be a different life, but it'll be a new life.

Did you go through a period of being angry at God when things didn't go the way you wanted?

Oh, yeah. Every day I would get mad at God. I mean, that's just. You know. But listen, I grew up never. That was not something to be ashamed of. I was always taught to question God and to look for those answers. And of course you're going to get angry at God and be like, you know, why is this happening? Why isn't my husband receiving the miracle I'm asking for? Why? Why do things keep going south? Absolutely. That's just being a human being.

So how did you deal with it? Are you still. Are you still going through that?

One of the days that I was kind of really upset and yelling about it, and I said to my dad, you know, why? Why isn't he listening to my prayers? I have the whole world praying for him, and I'm asking for a miracle. It's not being granted. And my dad looked at me and he said, every day, your miracle is being answered. Nick is still here. He's still alive, and you get to go see him every single day. Your miracle is being answered every day. And I was like, oh, dad. Like, okay, thanks, dad. And then, you know, my sister Tracy, she said to me, you know, Amanda, sometimes our. The prayers that we pray for are answered, but in a way that you don't expect them to be. You know, the answer of the prayer might not be the answer you think it should be, but it does get answered. And so that was also another beautiful way of looking at it. And those two things kind of really helped me get back to a good relationship.

So when what your father was saying, there was very much things happen, but we don't always know why. And so I feel you there. We want it to be one way, and it doesn't always go that way, but it does something maybe that we didn't know at the time. And you've had a year to sit with it. And I think from going through your book, there's some catharsis from it. And you talk about how trauma transforms you. And as a young mom, certainly a major trauma at this point, one year later, how would you say the traumas transformed you even since you wrote the book? What did it do that was good? What did it do that was bad?

Yeah, I mean, you know, when you go through something like this and you see somebody, you know, just deteriorating and fighting for his life and you see how quickly life can be taken away from you, gosh, it just makes like every dumb argument go out the window. It makes you, like anytime you want to complain about, oh, my back hurts or I'm tired, just go out the window. You become extremely grateful for what you do have in life, for the people that you have in life, for the time you have with those people. I don't leave the house without landing a biggest kiss on my son. Just because you just never know. And then saying, I love you, you know, those are the things that I feel like this whole experience has just, I feel like I'm a more calm person. I, I, you know, I don't know. I mean, you live in New York City for 19 years. That energy that, that, that momentum in your life, you know, and then after going through this quickly, after living and moving to California, now living here, I feel like I just have like a slower pace and appreciation for life. I'm just a little bit more calm on a day to day basis.

Only a New Yorker could say that. I moved to LA to calm down.

Yeah, I guess so. But you know, I think LA definitely is a calmer vibe than New York City, that's for sure.

You moved there and you didn't have a great support network. I mean, there's, there's always, you know, industry people and some people, you know, because there's a lot of commuting between the two. But if you're a native New Yorker, or at least near native, you're from Ohio, but you know, 20 years makes you about as native as it gets. And of course, as a parent, anyone who has young kids understands that your kids very quickly make a lot of your social network and there's a lot of parental support stuff, but you just had moved. So how did you go about establishing a support network in la? And in the middle of all of this? Or is that why you went to social media? But there's always the social side. But then there's like, what, you know, who shows up with casserole at your house and stuff like that, like during a pandemic, how did you go about doing that?

Well, we had a couple really good friends here in LA when we moved, which was our immediate support system. And then, you know, I don't know if you've ever been through, you know, something really tough in your life. If you've been through trauma, you, you gain a Whole new group of. Of trauma friends that either you sort of knew, but they step up right to that plate, or you didn't know. And all of a sudden you are really close and best friends with somebody two months ago you didn't even know. And that happened with me when I went through my divorce. And then it happened with me again with Nick. And yeah, I mean, it was just like those, my. My core group that I knew I had. And then that expanded to my community in Laurel Canyon. And then it even more so expanded into the Rock of Ages family that, you know, Nick, of course, knew from doing the show Rock of Ages for years, but I didn't know because that was not anything that I had ever done. So they really came to my aid and became very close to me. And then, yeah, that virtual Instagram army that I created was a whole nother lifeline of support. Yeah, it was crazy.

What did music do for you?

Oh, music is. Music has always been a part of my life. I mean, I went to a magnet school. I was in choir, then musicals and performing on Broadway. You know, music, music, music, music, music and all sorts of music. Then teaching fitness is, you know, you're listening to music all the time. And then marrying Nick, who's a music guy, writes music, loves music, knew more about music than anyone I knew. So music has always just been, you know, a fuel for my fire, I would say. But for me, it's like a release. You know, music, it can, it can help you kind of calm down, it can get you fired up, it can put you at peace, it can release the stress and anxiety. I mean, it's just. I think I. I don't know if I could live without music.

What was your favorite song before Nick went to the hospital?

Oh, gosh, like my all time favorite song. I mean, I have a couple, but Dreams by the Cranberries is one of my all time favorite songs. It still is. Yeah. I have a couple new added favorites for sure. That. But, you know, these, the, the new added favorites kind of always will remind me of this experience, which isn't a bad thing necessarily, but, yeah, I mean, you know, music does that too. You can put on a song and you're like, oh, my God, I'm transported right back to 19, you know, da da da, da da. And I know exactly what I was doing, where, what, where I was, the clothes I was wearing, and I just broke up with that person. And I played this song every day for, you know, that's. I feel like that's what's Cool about music.

So the upgrade collectivist is all saying, hey, will you sing a little bit of it?

Oh, the Cranberries. Oh. I mean, sure. I don't know if I know the exact words because, you know, we all create our own lyrics. But what is it? All my life is changing every day, every possible way. Then I don't know.

I recognize that. I think you got the lyrics right. And there are so many people around the world and around the country who have lost a parent. And you have young kids. It's happened with some of our family friends as well. And how do you go about having that conversation? I mean, it's still a very early age, but, you know, do you tell stories, you know, up in heaven? How do you communicate this in a way that's age appropriate and also ties in with your faith and just all the things that happened? Mm.

I mean, I haven't had to have any conversations like, you know, that deep yet, but I just talk about Nick all the time. I say dada all the time. You know, we're singing a song, you know, I add Dada in there, or, you know, there's pictures of Nick, all that all over the house. And I'm always like, dada. Where's Dada? And he points and, you know, we kiss Nick's picture good night every night, say good night. We say, I love you. And. I don't know. I just include him a lot. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or not. I haven't talked to anybody about how to help Elvis through this transition other than other widows who tell me, as they get older, certain things that might happen that have happened to them. But I think right now I'm just trying to keep his name alive in our home, alive in our family. And the word Dada as a wonderful, happy thing, that is.

That is so profound to just have the energy there. Right?

Yeah.

For a little one like that, it's. It's really important. So. Good. Good job. From my perspective. Not that I'm an expert, but thanks.

Yeah. You know, I don't know. I mean, when he goes to sleep, I tell him that Dada's gonna visit him in his dreams. And I ask him all the time if he. If he sees Dada, because I do believe that little kids haven't developed that part of their brain yet that thinks things aren't believable. So I. I don't know. I. I just. I think Nick's around all the time. And I do think Elvis can see him when he comes around.

So, you know, it gets pretty metaphysical pretty quickly there. But there's lots and lots of instances of kids under 5 experiencing ancestors and, and all in ways that are kind of ridiculous, where you can say, I don't think that should be possible. But gee, there sure are a lot of common accounts that way. I've even seen some of that, you know, in, in my family, especially when kids are very young. So any of the energetic master people who deal with that kind of stuff, like, oh, yeah, it happens. Julie Ryan is a friend who's written a book about what happens when people die, who sees that stuff. And I mean, she. Absolutely. Of course, it happens all the time. Right. So I, I'm gonna say good for you for being open to that and for teaching it, because that's a beautiful thing that is of value to a child. It's really good.

Well, thank you.

So right in the middle of all this, you decided you were going to start a T shirt company? Now, my first company when I was 19, I think was a T shirt company. So it's a funny business. That business will always be near and dear to my heart. What made you decide to go out and start a T shirt company? What was the inspiration?

Well, Anna and I, my little sister, we've always brainstormed businesses and wanting to go into business together. It's just been something we always do when we're together. We should do this. Boy, if we could only do that. That should be our next business. And of course, you know, life takes over and you, you know, you don't do them. And Anna lives in Paris and I live here. So, you know, it was not when we first thought of this idea after seeing Nick in Rock of Ages, you know, we kind of worked on it and then everything kind of fell to pieces. Then she moved out to LA to live with me and help me with Elvis while Nick was sick. And, you know, we. You spend a lot of time together in the house during COVID with, you know, nothing to do but cultivate ideas. And so we were like, this is what we should do. And on top of that, you know, we were seeing on a daily basis the kindness of human beings, the. The generosity and the help that we were getting and how just thinking of positive things were were changing our lives, but also helping other people. And so we thought this is the perfect time to launch Hooray for It celebrates the positive things that we love in life, the things that make us smile. Why not put it on a T shirt? And then we launched it with you know, hooray for health heroes and Hooray for life. And we decided, you know, once a month we'll pick a charity and we'll donate half the proceeds to charity. And in efforts to give back to everything that was coming our way, I think that's.

It's such a cool way to do it because you're donating to a cause that supports and it's just such a positive thing. So I, I love it. Just hurry for. And guys, if you're interested in supporting a good cause and having a cool. Just a cool T shirt, you can. What is it? Is it hooray? Is it hooray-four.com or is it be unlimited?

It's under be-unlimited. And then you search for hooray four or my. Our Instagram Hooray for is the easiest way probably to find that link.

Okay. Hooray for. So Hooray for dogs. Hooray for whatever. And you can get whatever you want, right?

We, we always each month put out a design and some. Most. Most months, two designs and. And there's. So there's a limited, limited design.

I, I think you have to get.

Them while they're hot.

I want Hooray for butter. If you do that, I'm so ordering like three of those.

I would join you in a Hooray for butter shirt.

Or maybe Hooray for coffee. You can't lose with coffee.

Yeah, coffee was one of our designs for a while. It was a big seller.

I like it that you did that and I like it that you're supporting a nonprofit with it.

Thank you.

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Well. You know, again, you can look at this two ways in the heat of the moment. And then you look at it retrospectively, which, in writing the book, it helps. You know, it helps you to look at retrospectively in the heat of the moment. You know, again, we have to remember, Covid was a wild, wild west at this time. Nobody knew what to do, how it worked, why it was sometimes affecting somebody so hard, like Nick, and then not affecting anyone at all. And so a lot of times they would say to me, you know, we're out of ideas, or it's. This is all medically that we can do right now, or, you know, we can't really afford any risks. But then at the same time, they would say, we're running out of time. So it was this constant ICU dance and battle, which now I know is just, you know, a part of being in the ICU that long, especially. So, you know, I would come to the idea. I would come to the table with a lot of ideas every day, and, you know, they would be crazy sometimes. Like, you know, people would say, put olive oil and rosemary in his feeding tube. I trust me, it works, you know, And. And there were lots of times where I was just like, okay, I have nothing to lose here, so I'm going to shout out all of these ideas. And, yeah, a lot of times they would look at me like I was crazy, which I'm sure I was at some points. You know, I'm. I'm getting my. My information from Google searches and people from around the world, and they are medically trained, you know, doctors that know exactly what they're talking about. So it was that balance. And, you know, I would say the other thing was it was just hard, you know, when you are. I do consider myself a strong person. I'm a fighter. Especially when I'm going through trauma. I go kind of in fighter pilot mode. And it was really hard to be looked at like, you know, a sad puppy. It's. It's. It's something that happens with grief, too. You know, people come up to you, giving you. Giving you their best, you know, actor in a. In a drama series for grief, you know, performance. And you're like, I'm not weeping right now. I will weep. I promise you. I have weeped. But right now, you see me in here dancing. You see me in here moving Nick's arms. You see me in here choosing positivity, choosing strength, choosing life. Don't treat me like I'm the exact opposite. So that was also just kind of like the hard battle.

So for you, the issue is partly just. You didn't want people to feel pity for you because you were too strong.

Yeah. I think in general, I'm just a person that doesn't. I don't want to feel. I don't want you to feel pity for me. I think that's my. Probably in general, my life.

How do you know the difference between compassion and pity?

I think it's a tone. A tone in someone's voice for me, at least. Or. Yeah, it would be a tone.

It's a tone of voice. And did you feel like the hospital staff that you're writing about, was it compassion you were interpreting as pity, or was it actually pity?

I don't know. I mean, maybe it was a bit of both or, you know, it's hard to say because now I'm kind of commenting on someone's personality, which is tough. I probably needed to speak up for myself instead of say, listen, you know, please. When you come at me with that tone, it makes me feel like you're pitying me. And please don't pity me right now. I need you to be. I need you to do this instead if we're going to work together here. And. And that's. That's on me. I should have said that. You know, that's retrospectively looking back in the heat of the moment. You can't even focus, you know? My God.

That's the kind of really precious advice that you're sharing right now. Right? Because there are other people who go through longer hospital experiences. And just hearing you say that, I promise you that you just did some good just by sharing that.

Oh, well, thanks. I mean, you learn a lot after the fact, you know, and of course, writing this story down, reading the story aloud, you learn even more.

Live your life. Your book, it's a quick read, but I think you did a great job of just explaining here's what happened, because there's a lot of people really curious and also what you went through. And I was intrigued. You talk about, you know, 40 days being, you know, very famous biblical number that shows up all over the place. Tell me a little bit more about your interpretation of that 40 days.

Well, there were just so many biblical interpretations throughout this whole story. I mean, the story of the good shepherd and Nick's name meaning Cordero, Cordero meaning lamb. And the pastor that called me about it, I mean, like. I mean, just over and over again. And how Nick first died on Good Friday. I mean, that was crazy. And then brought back to life by all these machines, you know, having, like a resurrection on Easter Sunday. I mean, like, it just crazy things. So, yeah, I mean, those first 40 days and then he woke up, you know, after 40 days, it's just like, it was really crazy over and over and over again. But that also. That also just kind of fueled my fire, that God was with us through this, that God was behind us through this, that he heard us, that he was with Nick through this. And so that kind of honestly just helped me.

It's amazing how much serendipity is out there when you look for it and when you're at times of stress like that. It happens. And the question is, okay, is serendipity just random or is it, you know, as a greater organization to things based on whatever. Whatever faith you have?

Right.

I feel like there's a lot more serendipity in everyone's life than they. Then they notice. It's all around. You just have to look for it.

Right, I agree. You have to look for it. You have to be open for it. You have to ask for it. You know, I mean, right away, when Nick passed away, somebody gave me a book, and I didn't read anything but the first chapter. But the first chapter was all about asking for signs. They're there. You just have to ask the universe for them. And I started doing that. And, like, the signs that come to me all the time are just. They're beautiful and comforting. And it makes me feel like I'm having a. A spiritual relationship with Nick outside of this earthly relationship that I got to have with him.

What's life like now? I mean, it's a year later. You've built a big community around. Around yourself and around just sharing your story so openly. Have things changed? I mean, you've. You've been on every major show, and you have your own major show anyway, so you're already a famous person, right? Has there been a cooling off, a shift? Like, what. What's a. What does a day look like? Now versus before all this happened.

I mean, before my life has completely changed. I mean, it's, it's a complete like 180 in a weird way. Nothing out of my wheelhouse. I mean, hosting, co hosting a television show feels very much like doing a Broadway show. You know, in New York, when I was working as an actress and performer and dancer, this is what I did all the time. Live television, live morning shows, live nightly Broadway shows, parades and, and award shows, and being directed by, you know, you know, Woody Allen and, you know, working with huge celebrities. And that was that part of my life. So doing what I'm doing now doesn't necessarily feel like, you know, whoa, I used to sell insurance and now I'm co hosting a television show. You know, it's not like that. But. But yes, my, my world is completely different. But, you know, I don't know, I'm extremely busy. I have five jobs and I'm trying to also, you know, just be there all the time I can for my son and also live, you know, that quiet and normal life. When I finally get home at night, I turn on like a light cocktail jazz. And I just try to have like a Zen environment because my day is usually pretty hectic.

Did you get enough time to grieve?

I don't think that grieving has a time limit. So I think, you know, I think that's a misconception, even my own misconception. You know, it's a space. Yeah. I think it's ironic I'm going to post something about this soon because I've been writing about grief as my husband's one year anniversary comes up. And, you know, I found that in writing. I. It's therapy for me. I found that when I wrote Live youe Life. And now I've. I've been finding that writing again just kind of helps, really. Kind of. You know, it's amazing what our brains will think. And then when you get that on paper, the release and then when you say it aloud, the release again. I don't think grief has a time. I think when you lose someone, be it a friend, be it a mom, a dad, a brother, a sister, God forbid, a child, child, or, or a husband or a wife that never goes away, you don't stop. You don't say, oh, it's been a year, I'm done grieving, you don't get that reward and you're okay now, right?

You don't miss that gold star for grief.

Yeah, you got that gold star. You did it. You don't miss them anymore. Right. You're done crying, you're done missing them. Things don't haunt you the way they did before. Right. Because it's been a year. You're okay. That doesn't happen. That's not realistic at all. Absolutely still cry. I still miss. I still feel. I mean, I think what happens is that you grow around it. You. You learn how to deal with that hole in your stomach or that, you know, a lot of people say that rock in your pocket. You just learn how to grow around it and grow bigger. From. Doesn't go away, though. And there's no time that. That still isn't there.

What a. What a beautiful answer. And thanks for putting. Putting words to something that it is very hard to explain with words.

Thanks. I think you can only really fully understand grief when you're going through it and when you've gone through it, you know, because otherwise it's just like what you assume it to be. You assume it to be all of these awful things, which it is. But it's also sometimes beautiful, and it's also sometimes easier, easy, and it's sometimes really hard. But you can't even understand any of that until you're faced with the reality.

Of it that it makes. It makes so much sense. And you've got to. You got to live with the day to day and it shifts and it isn't very predictable. I mean, there's grief counselors and things like that who will sort of tell you most people go through the five stages of grief. Did you work with a grief counselor or therapist or someone like that who would help you walk through it? Or did you just say, I'm just gonna roll with it?

I'm pretty much a roll with it kind of girl in. In all my life aspects. I, you know, day one of losing Nick, I went on Google, I printed out that stages of grief. I put it in my room and I thought, okay, here we go. Anger for two weeks. Or, you know, whatever it is, check. And. Yeah, check, you know, because I thought. Because that's. I think. There you go. It's exactly like the misconceptions of grieving. And listen, that chart might work perfectly for somebody. I'm not saying it won't work for you, but I found that, like, I wasn't angry. So I was like, well, I'm not angry. And then I quickly was just like, I'm just gonna deal with how I'm feeling right now and go through these emotions. And I started talking to somebody, but it was like six months down the road, I tend to be. I trend to try to process things on my own at first and then go seek help. It's kind of what I've learned about myself.

And if you could tell people on the show one thing to take away from the book, like, the biggest thing, what would you tell them it is?

I think I would just say to just. I hope you read this and you close the last, you know, page and you remember how grateful you are to be healthy, to be alive, to have people in your life that you can love, that you can talk to, and you can say, I'm here for you. For. That's the biggest lesson.

So gratitude for being alive is the.

Yeah. Don't take life for granted. It is. Don't take life for granted. Isn't that what we all learned in the pandemic?

Yeah, that is. That is very true. Uh, don't take life for granted. Uh, it's a. It's a beautiful message, and I think you've. You've navigated a really tough situation with. With beauty and grace and with vulnerability and openness in a way that helped a lot of people. And I think you already know that, and you've probably heard that lots of times, but I can't hurt to hear it again and just make sure that. That it. It goes all the way in, because you've helped a lot of people both in this interview and with all of the things you've shared with writing your book. Because this is the hard stuff, but it's in everyone's lives at some point or another. And by sharing the way you have, I think you've done something very, very special and rare and unusual. And thank you.

Well, thank you so much. That's very nice of you to say.

Well, Amanda, thank you. Your book Live youe Life is available anywhere. People like to find books. You're very easy to find on social media and all that stuff. You guys can just Google Amanda Kloots. You can find a Hooray 4T shirt@b unlimited.com which supports charitable stuff around Covid. And just overall, you've been. You've inspired so many people. You've inspired me. You've inspired our Upgrade Collective members on the line today, and I wish you the very best going forward.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Thanks for having me today.

We got a good episode. Upgrade Collective. Do you guys have any. Any final questions here? I was channeling their questions through to you. Bonnie had a couple good ones. Anyone want to raise a hand and ask Amanda a question as we're finishing up. We did this in the middle of the afternoon. So Deborah's ready. So if you can do one question from Deborah. All right, Deborah, go for it. Let's see if we can channel your audio properly.

Amanda, I'm a member of the San Diego theatre community and I wanted to just send my love. I don't know Nick or you personally, but I have. But we know a lot of people in common and we watched your whole. Your saga and your strength was phenomenal from what we saw. And our hearts were just hurting for you. And you know, as you know, all the theaters, Broadway still shut down and most regional theaters are still shut down. And I was just wondering if you had any wisdom or a message that you want to send to all the stage actors out there who are still out of work. I think if anyone's gonna come back bigger and better and stronger after this, it's show people. There's no people like show people. They smile when things are down. We sing about it. I mean, Broadway is going to come back. These theaters are going to come back with bigger and better jazz hands than you could ever imagine. Because it's just innate in our blood to want to get back and create and perform. And when it happens, it will happen. And it'll be safe and it'll be grand and it'll be wonderful to be able to go back and into a theater and to see a live show and just hold on tight. It's coming. It's so close. It is so, so close. It's been a journey, but it's coming back and it's going to be bigger and better than ever.

Well, there you go, Deborah. That's pretty darn inspiring. I think you're right, by the way. All of the stuff that people are pining for the cruise ship industry, the most expensive suites are selling out right away at the conference, the first one I've done in a couple of years. An in person event coming up, the biohacking conference. The VIP ticket sales are through the roof. People are saying, if I'm going to go, I want to go all the way. So I think when the theater is open, we're going to see people saying, no, I want the front row.

Yeah, I'm going to enjoy that too. People are so excited to just be back doing things that I think that that appreciation for stick stage, for musicals, for being able to go to see a show, I think is going to be so gratifying for the performers because it's really art that is just missing right now in everyone's life.

Well, thank you for that extra bit of inspiration for all of the people working in show business because it is a part of human society and it really matters and we can't go for years without it because that's not how humans work. Beautiful. Well guys, from the Upgrade Collective, thank you for all of your your audience support today and I will see you guys if you want to in about another half hour because today is a big day. It'll be a fun interview coming up here. And Amanda, thank you for your time and your energy and just for all the good stuff you're doing. I really appreciate you and always here to help.

Thank you so much. So nice to meet you.

Foreign.

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