Conscious leaders choose curiosity over being right by noticing when their ego triggers defensive reactions, then shifting from drama questions like "Who's right?" to wonder questions like "What can I learn?" This habit transforms teams.
Are you choosing curiosity over being right? Brought to you by the Conscious Leadership group. Find them on the web at www.conscious.is choosing curiosity over being right is one of the most important choices a conscious leader makes. Again and again, moment to moment. The ego believes that being right and proving that it's right is the key to survival. Remember that when we are below the line, we're in a threatened state. When we experience threat, our instinctual priority is to survive. Fighting to prove we're right is fighting to survive. Every drama we're in, no matter how big or small, is rooted in a desire to be right. We want to be right. That the supplier should have gotten the product to us on time. Our co workers should treat us with more respect. The sales team should hit their target. Our 5 year old shouldn't hit his sister. We should lose 10 pounds. When we are in drama, we're experiencing threat from the outside. We get defensive and commit to proving we're right and closing ourselves off to other perspectives. This threat is a threat to our three core approval, control and security. Being right makes us feel valuable and worthy of approval. A sense of being in control and confident that we are safe and secure. Conscious leaders understand this. They don't make others or themselves wrong or bad for being triggered and for wanting to be right. Rather, they're self aware enough to know they're triggered and they accept themselves for being reactive, for wanting to be right. Then they shift. Shifting is choosing curiosity over being right. In drama, we ask questions. Who's right? How can I protect what's mine? How can I maintain my image? How can I stay in control? How can I avoid conflict? Conscious leaders know that these are small questions and they won't create wonder and curiosity. Wonder questions are not questions that we figure out. When we try to figure something out, we think we're bigger than the question. When we allow the question to be bigger than ourselves, we are in awe. We're in wonder. Children can teach us about wonder questions because they're not focused on being right, they're focused on learning. They ask questions like how does this work? What happens when I do this? They don't have the right answer. They have curiosity. Leaders ask wonder questions. What can I learn from this situation being exactly as it is? How would I react right now if I weren't trying to control an outcome? If I told all of my truth about this issue, what would I say to myself and others? How is this situation familiar from my past? When they ask these kinds of questions, conscious leaders breathe, move and wonder. In so doing, they get curious and all new possibilities, insights and learnings emerge. Doing this as an individual is powerful, and doing it together as a team is transformational. So are you choosing curiosity over being right?
