How to stop being the hero who fixes everything and start coaching people to solve their own problems. Treat them as equals, ask questions instead of giving answers, and reframe problems as learning opportunities.
I've started to notice myself in the hero role at work and also at home. What can I do to help shift more into the coach role and get out of hero in the drama triangle? Okay, so if you want to shift from being a hero to being a coach for someone, a couple things you want to pay attention to. One, you want to make sure that you're really seeing that person as an equal. Heroes see people as less than they see people as, you need me. You can't handle this. You don't have the strength, the power. You don't have the creativity. You don't have something that I have. So make sure that you're really believing they are powerful. They have what you have, too, and it's important that they also see that. So if they come to you with a mindset of, I don't have, I can't, I need help, and then whatever you're going to offer is going to be in the role of hero. So they themselves need to get out of victimhood and take responsibility and trust themselves that they have the wisdom in them. And so you can ask them that right up front, like, hey, are you willing to take responsibility for this issue? If so, I'll ask you some great questions to help you figure out what you're going to do, because I see you as powerful. That's what a coach does. Secondly, heroes want to see other people's issues as problems. Oh, no, it's terrible. They shouldn't have fired you. Your spouse shouldn't have cheated. They shouldn't have, you know, said those things to you. You're going to want to pay attention because a hero needs to see a problem that needs to get fixed, whereas a coach is going to say, okay, you know, that may be painful, unfortunate, but what are we going to get to learn here? I don't have to see this as you're a victim to circumstances or other people. And I don't have to see these as problems that need to be fixed. I see them as opportunities for you to learn and for me to learn. Coaches ask a lot of really good questions, whereas heroes like to give a lot of advice. So those are a few thoughts I have on how to shift from being a hero to a coach. There's more information on this topic. We have a set of cards called the Creator Coach Challenger cards. They're on our website and you can probably find a link nearby this video in which you can take a look at those. And there's lots of information on how to switch from each of the roles on the drama triangle to roles above the line.
