This content was created by Dave Kashen. This content was uploaded by Dave Kashen. This is a YouTube video titled "Childhood Emotional Patterns: How We Learn to Express Feelings #upbringing #emotions #innergame" (published 2026-01-19) containing an English conversational segment between Dave Kashen and another speaker. They discuss childhood emotional learning and parenting patterns — how children are taught which feelings are acceptable or punished, responses to crying, intergenerational patterns, and how those early experiences shape adult emotional behavior (mentions of Mila, Dee, and family dynamics appear in the discussion).
Chapters
somewhere between Mila's age and probably 8 years old and certainly our age, quote unquote learn that certain feelings are not welcome, are not safe, are not good to have, right? So we're alluding to this a bit, right? Oh, don't get, oh, you're too, you know, calm down, right? Oh, okay, if I get too excited, It's basically like, what gives me positive attention from mom and dad, and what gives me negative attention from mom and dad, or caretakers, right? That's probably the core of it, right? It's like, oh, when I, um, when I cry, they seem annoyed, right? Because, right, it's annoying when the little, you know.
And childhood trauma, or childhood— not trauma, but childhood patterns or whatever, they're almost memed at this point as a joke, like, yes. But, but I think it is important to call out that, like, you whoever your caretakers are, probably not because they're bad people. In some cases, maybe they— yeah, whatever. But like, but they had their own issues with certain feelings from their own, like their parents. Yeah, whatever. Right. But like, so now, you know, I see this all the time. It's like now a kid cries, a boy, let's say a boy cries. And it's— I mean, it certainly wasn't uncommon when we were kids. And even now, I like, don't cry, you're tough.
Right. Stop crying.
With the best, by the way, with the best intentions from the parent. They want their kid to feel better.
Be resilient.
Right. Or like I've seen a lot of parents in the same scenario of, you know, Dee and I with Mila, dad will hand the girl right back to the mom and go, uh, she's crying. I don't want her to cry. Go back to mom. Go back. Hey, you know, I'm going to, you put her to bed. Like I've seen that entire process happen where—
Well, in that case, she might learn, oh, sadness is a tool I can use to get what I want. And people do that, right, in relationship, where instead of just communicating what they really want, oh, they get sad, and that, you know, that creates the—
but I think it's important to call out this resistance. Like, it really comes in childhood, and it comes, you know, not blaming anyone's parents and even your— like, but it comes as a sort of a natural I don't know, byproduct of being a human probably, where somebody else is like, yeah dude, something is— and it's, it's everyone's household is different and everyone's, you know, method is different. And, and that's where it sort of—
in a household like I did where there was not much conflict and not much— I mean, my parents got divorced. I never heard them fight once, and, you know, oh wow, prior to that, right? And all of a sudden, you know, So like, that's one version is like, oh, that just wasn't, there wasn't conflict explicit. There wasn't anger expressed, so.
