Dave Kashen discusses how compulsive behavior tries to fill unmet needs with the wrong things, while authentic desire comes from acceptance and aliveness. He draws on coaching hundreds of founders to argue that following excitement, not chasing money or status, leads to both success and fulfillment.
I want to relate for a second, like, compulsion to addiction because they're very obviously very related. They sound related. What creates addiction is trying to fill a need with something that doesn't actually fill that need, or really is trying to create a feeling with something that doesn't actually create that feeling. So this comes back to what you're talking about, right? If you think you need money to feel safe or free, well, money doesn't actually make you feel safe or free. So you're just going to. You're, that's the compulsion because it's, it's like this misguided attempt to fill this void that isn't created by a lack of money.
It's created by this, like you're hungry and you're just eating like sugar, you're eating candy and sugary stuff. That's a great example.
Right. And you crave it and then, and it doesn't actually fill you, satiate you. So then you crave more and then you're like, oh, I guess that's not enough sugar. Same. Like, I guess that's not enough money. I need more. It's not enough success. So a lot of people, you know, including myself for a number of years are in these compulsive, ultimately addictive patterns. And we can get addicted to the adrenaline rush of like the highs and the lows and all that, which is different than operating from creative impulse, from like authentic want. And so let's just, let's really elucidate that difference. Compulsion is I'm, I don't feel peaceful now. Because I don't accept things as they are. I feel like something's wrong. And so that, um, there's a compulsion to get rid of that feeling. And then generally we try to get rid of that feeling with things that don't actually get rid of that feeling, like success and status and money. And so then we have more compulsion, right? That's the cycle most people are in. So let's contrast that with, I accept things as they are. I feel actually a sense of peace. Simply by accepting things as they are. And then without any sense of lack, I have a creative impulse just because we're human. Like you said, we're creative beings. It just arises and I follow it. Or, you know, another way to say it is I feel energized to do something in particular. I feel a sense of aliveness when I imagine something, you know, so excitement. Yeah. What was your word? Excitement. Excitement. Yeah. So then life just becomes about following aliveness and excitement, not because you don't feel alive and excited now, you do feel alive and excited. And, and so like, if you feel that and nothing's missing, well, what else would it make sense to do than follow aliveness and excitement? And from my lived experience now coaching hundreds of founders, following aliveness and excitement is an amazing strategy to be wildly successful and love your life.
