How Can I Access My Full Potential and Operate in it? | Ask Dave Kashen

I never quite feel like I'm operating in my full potential as the leader of my company. One, how can I access and operate in my full potential? And two, what criteria should I be looking at in order to evaluate how effective I am as CEO and founder?

So this feeling of not operating at your full potential I think it can be like a double-edged sword. I have a lot, you know, a lot of clients show up with that as an issue, like, yeah, I don't feel like I'm operating on my full potential, or like, I don't feel like I'm being my best self, or some days, um, some days I feel just so confident and in flow, and other days I feel stressed and reactive. Uh, so first let's talk about the trap of the idea of operating at your full potential. Because I think from a certain vantage point, it's like, um, it's like, uh, it's a way to— it's a way our mind can make us feel bad about ourselves. Like, it's— it creates this abstract ideal image of full potential, which basically is some level of effectiveness, confidence that's greater than the current level. Um, and then a lot of people can then focus on the gap between where they are and this mind-created idea of some even better way they should be and create a lot of suffering and frustration. So it's a real double-edged sword because, uh, you know, we all, I think, want to be our best and recognize there's times where we're not operating at our best and would like to operate at our best more and more of the time. But at the same time, I just see a lot of leaders, um, fall into this pattern of like constantly feeling behind feeling like they're not where they should be, feeling like they, um, are falling short of this abstract idea of full potential. And it could be that it's the comparing mind looking at, you know, other leaders where they seem to be operating all the time, right? Like, it's, you know, we— you know, it's— there's some metaphor with like, it's like a bunch of robots and you see you know, your robot, like, in the back is all like duct tape and bubble gum together, um, and the front it looks all polished. And you see everyone else's and you just assume theirs are all perfectly, you know, polished inside and out, um, because we don't see the, you know, how the sausage is made in other people's world. And, you know, we, we sort of get this, it's like this social media glossed view of everyone else, whereas we have the full picture of ourselves. So it's just really easy for the mind to compare you to others or compare you to some abstract ideal as a way to make you feel like you're not enough. And so I just want to be really mindful of the— when asking this question, you can kind of ask it as like a gotcha question, like, oh, I'm not at my full potential you know, what's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Like, um, or you could ask it as a wonder question, like, oh, how might, how might I operate, you know, even more effectively, right? How might I bring more of my best self day in and day out? And, you know, of course, a lot of the work I do with clients is about, um, shifting their state, right, from below the line to above the line, from a state of reactivity to a state of flow and creativity and responsiveness. So I do think that, uh, most leaders don't pay enough attention, if any, to state, um, to the state that they're operating from, the state of consciousness that they're operating from. And so I think that's the most useful way to address that question. Of the— another way to ask it would be, how do I operate from, you know, with more clarity, with more curiosity, with more wonder, with more creativity more of the time, instead of operating from, you know, fear, defensiveness, reactivity. And, um, you know, I've been— I've— I forgot if we talked about it, but, you know, as part of writing this book I've, um, developed this Focus Motivation Framework. And so I think this is part of the answer to the how of the question, right? Um, how do you operate in a state of flow— we could say that— more and more of the time, where you're both high energy, high productivity, but um, also, uh, high joy and high creativity. It seems to happen when you're present to current reality, like in a state of presence, um, not resisting, not wishing things were different, uh, accepting things the way they are now and imagining your desired future. And when you're doing those two things at once, like that inherently seems to, to put you into the state of flow where you're imagining the future you want. That creates excitement and inspiration. The cognitive dissonance between how things are now and how you imagine things to be in the future generate this like creative flow where ideas are coming through, ideas for things to do, you know, new strategies, etc. And so if you can get yourself— and then as a leader, if you also then generate that for your team, you know, hey guys, here's where we are, here's where I see us in 3 months, 6 months, a year, um, that seems to be a like really powerful tactical way to get yourself and your team into that state of flow more and more of the time, as opposed to, you know, wishing you were already in the desired future and creating frustration, or focusing on your undesired future, which creates fear. Um, and so I think this sense of operating from frustration, lack, and fear versus operating from flow is, is at the heart of that question. Because I think a lot of leaders, when they say, how do I operate, you know, at my full potential, they're recognizing that they don't feel clear, energized, creative a lot of the time. And, and they know that the times when they do, they're highly productive and they're having this positive spillover impact on their teams. So that's, I think, practically speaking, a really accessible, tangible way to get closer to, you know, operating at your full potential. But I think if you were, um, if you could be present, you know, all the time and be in a state of presence, like, regardless of, you know, what happens, right, setbacks, challenges, etc., and just keep focusing on the future you want, you know, you would be maximally, uh, effective and, and energized and creative. So then the question is, you have to start to ask yourself as a leader is, what are the kinds of situations? But there's two— there's internal and external kind of reflection. The external one is, what are the kind of situations and setbacks that currently take me out of presence? I.e., like, I'm— I, you know, I can be, you know, yeah, in a state of presence, creative, curious, energized, until and unless this happens. Oh, we lose a customer, someone on my team complains, you know, some of my team quits, yeah, people are, you know, having conflict. Like, there's usually, um, patterns of types of situations that leaders, um, resist, basically. And that resistance takes you below the line, takes you out of present into a state of threat. And then you're not as effective as you could be, you know, operating from that state. So that's external. And then internally, we, we seem to have patterns whereby, um, like our mind will just drift, you know. We'll start out all excited about our desired future, but then our mind will drift to like, oh, I wish I was already there, you know, or I'm behind, or I'm not where I should be. Basically, the human mind tends to create a sense of lack, um, and frustration, and that seems to just be what it does. Like, I noticed this morning my mind— like, I'm like, okay, it's Monday morning, back to work, you know. My mind's like scanning for like what's wrong and what are the problems. I sort of laugh at it. I'm like, oh my gosh, like, that's, that's so unnecessary and if, like I did for many, many years, if I actually listened to my mind, I would think I have all these problems, you know. And some are just decisions I need to make, and some are— but like, my mind, like, I've decided whether to go, you know, speak at this offsite in January, but my mind was like, oh, that's a problem, I have to make the right decision, and I've gotta like communicate it properly, and I should want this, or I should want that. So our mind is just so, uh, effective at inventing problems that it can then solve. Um, so starting to notice— and that, you know, that obviously takes us out of our, you know, operating our full potential because we're, um, you know, we're in this again, back in the state of threat and like lack, or the sense that something's wrong. And if you really look, most people most of the time have this sense that there's something wrong here. And it's, you know, I often ask my clients like, you know, just for this moment, would you willing— you willing to let go of the idea that there's anything wrong here? Or would you be willing to let go of wishing anything was different than it is? And for most clients, it's a, it's a moment of real relief and like a respite. But it's a moment, like they're not used to having that experience because the human mind is just, is just like a radar. It's just scanning for what's wrong. So any other patterns there? Um, yeah, so as I mentioned, obviously this pattern of frustration or fear is noticing when your mind has gone from like excited and inspired to create the future you want to wishing you were already in that future, which is a way of resisting reality and creating a sense of lack and frustration. Or again our minds tend to drift because they're trying to keep us safe. Um, they tend to drift to, uh, imagining the undesired future, right? Which again is like a self-protective mechanism, but so often it's, it's kind of, you know, in overdrive or not really necessary because most of the undesired futures we imagine never actually come to pass. And it's not because we're imagining them that we you know, are somehow better prepared or avoid them. They're just— our minds are just in overdrive, you know, fear overdrive, constantly imagining, you know, these negative future states. So I guess that would be a— I think an interesting way to measure yourself as a leader in terms of operating your potential is like, what percentage of the time am I operating in a state of flow a state of presence, um, feeling open, curious, creative, uh, energized, um, you know, excited about the future, versus what percentage of the time am I operating in a state of frustration, lack, and/or fear? Um, and maybe more precise, what percentage of the time am I motivating myself from flow versus, you know, frustration or fear? And What percentage of time am I motivating my team, you know, from those different places? And I think that would be an interesting way to measure effectiveness because, gosh, you know, we're all so different. And I think trying to measure yourself by someone else's standards, you know, of performance or, you know, metrics is a— can be a bit of a trap. You know, I think ultimately it's about being authentic and playing your own game. So I think a more useful measure than some, um, you know, some comparative measure is, are you operating in a state from which you can be maximally effective and creative? Um, not that it's not useful to measure, you know, objective things. We've talked about this a bit. Of course, like, you know, at some point the rubber meets the road and you have to measure, like, am I leading the team to achieve our goals and realize our vision? But I think that's a downstream kind of symptom or effect, the cause of which is, am I operating from a state of flow, you know, more and more of the time?