A brief instructional dialogue (transcript) from the video 'How to Master the Art of Appreciation' that demonstrates how leaders should give appreciation. Through two role-played examples — a vague "great job" after a workshop versus a detailed account of what made the contribution valuable, and a cursory compliment about a shirt followed by a deeply specific, heart-centered remark — the speakers show that effective appreciation is specific, unarguable, succinct, and heartfelt. The practice applies both in professional leadership and in personal relationships.
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You.
Appreciation is one of the great tools of leaders to really encourage engagement by letting people know how deeply valuable they are. We want to show you the difference between what we would call sort of average or not very valuable appreciation to some kind of an appreciation here that people can really take in and feel satisfied receiving. So, Jim, you want to go back and forth here and do a couple of examples?
Yeah, sure. So, hey, Diana, great job at the workshop we put on yesterday in San Francisco.
Okay, well, thanks, Jim.
Great job.
Now I actually have no idea what he's talking about, which is what happens when you give somebody sort of a general appreciation. So now Jim's going to show what it looks like to say the same thing, but from a place where I could really receive it.
Yeah. So I want to appreciate you. Several times in the workshop yesterday, I would be presenting a piece of content and pretty clear and directional. And then I would see you show up on the right side of my body and with an energy quality, kind of an embodiment of the very point I was making. And then you would add a piece to the point I was making that almost took it out of, like, black and white into Technicolor. So your ability to embody what we talk about and then to describe it in a way that makes it come alive is totally exquisite to the way we do our work. I count on you for that.
Wow. Thank you, Jim. Yeah. And when you get one of a version of appreciation that is so deeply present with an unarguable piece of feedback, it's very delicious to receive over here.
So the key is give appreciations that are specific, that are unarguable, and that really come from the heart. You know, the deal with appreciation is you try to fake it. Everybody knows it right away. So first, come to your heart. What do you really appreciate? Then say it to the person. Be specific, be succinct. You want to give me one?
Sure. I love, love the shirt, Jim.
Oh, that's great. I can't tell whether she likes the color, the fact that it's short sleeved, the fact that it's of linen, or that I'm just wearing a shirt. I actually have no idea what she appreciates about it.
Yeah. One of the things that I'm really appreciating about this particular shirt is how much it matches your eyes and brings my attention to your eyes and how much of your heart I receive through your eyes. So this shirt helps me come and make contact with your heart.
So I could just feel myself smile. Now, this is potent. This will work in your professional life. It'll make you more impactful as a leader. It'll draw people to you and engage your team. By the way, this one works in your personal life as well. Appreciate your loved ones with that level of specificity and that level of heart. And the whole game changes at home. Yeah.
John Gottman says five appreciations to everyone. Criticism equals a thriving relationship. To each other. To yourself as well. Cheers to appreciation.
