Dave Kashen explains how we automatically create stories about coworkers, like assuming someone is closed off, and how questioning those narratives reduces conflict. He suggests considering how the opposite might also be true instead of needing to be right.
This is how to stop having so much conflict at work. You come up and you see me looking like this. What do you notice about me? Your mind is probably thinking things like, he looks closed off, disengaged, uninterested, he's angry or upset. And what I want you to recognize is those are all stories your mind is making up. And we tell ourselves stories so automatically that most of the time we don't even realize it, right? The only facts were My arms are crossed and I'm looking down. And then we go and try to relate to other people. So you might come up to me, Dave, what's going on? Why are you closed off? Why are you disengaged? And I'm going to argue with you. And now we're in an argument about who's right about their story. Try asking this question: How is the opposite of my story just as true? If you made up a story that I was closed or disengaged, and if you ask yourself, how might the opposite of my story be true? Almost every time you'll find more of reality and you'll let go of the grip of needing to be right about your initial story.
